It's 12:30am and I should be getting to sleep because I"ve already finished my essay, but instead I'm lying on my bed typing this on my laptop while listening to Five for Fighting. I'm trying to do some free writing and write whatever comes into my mind, but it's a little hard to see because I don't have my glasses on. I also don't think I'm supposed to be listening to music, but the room is so noisey with the sound of Tara's music plus Alyson playing her guitar. A few days ago Reggie and King came in while Tara and Alyson were sleeping and they spied the guitar. King wanted to know if she would give him lessons sometime, but Reggie to him to not bother asking because he had once and Alyson never gave him any because she never had time TIme is such a precious thing. Lately it seems to be moving fast that ever. How can I already be more than half way through my yearling year here. In less than 5 months I'll be a cow. Time flies. I don't think about what happend a few days ago because then I get stuck thinking in the past. Focus on the present and prepare for the future. What does the future hold? I have no idea. I need ot keep writing even if I'm not writing anything important. The first time I did this was my first day of english class plebe year. I liked that teacher, but she was only my teacher for a few days before my real teacher got back from his chess tournament. More to write, but what? I've suddenly gone blank. Sometimes I want to live in a small town, like the kind you see in pictures and on postcards with the coner drugstore and the white steeple church. Do town like that actually exist or are they just dreamed up by idealistic people. I don't want to live in an one that is a huge touraist spot. Sometimes I want to live in a big city and go to black tie events and cocktail parties. I want to have that corner office and the high rise apartment, or the nice townhouse somewhere in the classy but homely part of town. Other times I want to live in a huge, expensive house in a rich subdivision, or in a house out in the country. I don't know where I"ll end up, but where ever it is I hope that I"m happy. What makes me happy? Good friends, music, beautiful sunsets, clear starry nights. Am I too idealistic? Sometiems I think I try to hard to see the good in everybody, and sometimes I think I'm too pessimistic. I just realized that when I was stateing the different places I want to live, I never said anything about the military. What does that mean? Maybe nothing. I don't know if I'll stay in after my 5 years. Can I have a career and a family? What is best for everybody? Right now I'm only 19 and don't have to worry too much about that stuff. I'll be 26 when I have the option of getting out. THat time seems so far from now, but 26 isn't very old at all. I used to think that college was some hard place that was so far away, but now I'm in college. How did I get here? When did I grow up? I have a lot of questions, but not many answers. I want to ask more questions, but there's not point right now because there's not place to get answers from at the moment. LIfe is full of questions. Don't think, just do. I need to do that more. I think too much and it gets me in trouble. I can catch a ball and throw a person out at second when I don't think, but when I do think I mess everything up. It'd be nice to have the ability to turn my brain on and off sometimes. I wonder how Liese Williams is and what she's up to. I haven't talked to her since the beginning of high school. Why did I jsut think of her? I though of the time we watched Free Willy and ate colored popcorn at her house. The yellow popcorn was gross because it was the artificial banana taste. I hate that stuff. Seems that most people do also because the banana Now and Laters are usually the last ones sold. I really should get some sleep. Good night.