Friday, January 31, 2003

I'm tired, exhausted, and can't wait to get away from this place for the weekend. True, I'll be back tomorrow for the banquet and the dance, but then I get to leave again. Yay! I better start thinking of something to do Presidents Day weekend so that I'm not stuck here. I like this place, but sometimes you just gotta get out and regain your sanity.

Alyson, Mark, and I all have phones that don't work right now. Tara's does however. It's very strange. There's no dial tone or anything. Yesterday I tried to make a call on my cell phone, but the battery was completely dead even though I'd just charged it for a really long time and hadn't used it at all. Tara let me borrow her cell phone instead. She has better service in our room anyway.
I think too much and it impedes my ability to communicate because I'm too busy trying to think about what to say and trying to figure out what other people are thinking.

Friday at last :)

Thursday, January 30, 2003

This afternoon I took a three hour long nap. It was great. The only reason I woke up was because some of the guys in my company came and banged on the door to get Alyson for dinner. Sleep is a fantastic thing. It's done wonders for my mood.

YWW is almost upon us. I'm determined to have a good time no matter what. This week has gone by rather fast. It's already Thursday. Okay, it's only 5 minutes into Thursday, but it's still Thursday. Gotta love it when time flies by here.

Wednesday, January 29, 2003

My new TACNCO is scary. He's fresh out of being a drill sergeant and so far he doesn't seem to have gotten it in his head that this isn't basic training anymore. (yes, that was passive voice) This is going to be an interesting semester. SAMI next week will most likely be hell.

This morning we had practice at 5:30. Instead of doing the tanks like I thought, we had to do a 30 minute piece on the erg. It was supposed to be at 70%. I tried, but lack of sleep and the early morning, plus the fact that I'm not in great shape at the moment, caused me to have a rather high 500m split. It was around 2:13 I think. At least now I don't have practice this afternoon. Leah emailed Larissa andI asking if we wanted to run and lift with her after E hour and so I might do that.

Yesterday I did my four picks for AIAD's since this summer I don't currently have a MIAD. My top pick I can't even get until next year because it's working with the NSA and it requires a Top Security clearance which takes a year to process. If I get a MIAD this summer then I think I might have a shot at getting that AIAD. My other picks for this coming summer were 2) working at the Pentagon preforming technical computer security work for the Army and working with "Army government personnel and contractors in the areas of Intrusion Detection, Firewalls, Security Engineering, Computer Incident response, Vulnerability Assessments, and other technical security areas." 3) Going to Redmont, Washington and getting an inside look at Microsoft and doing some stuff with them. 4) Working with the Electronic Crimes Task Force of the U.S. Secret Service and helping to evaluate the technology used to gather raw data on a hackers particular scheme and methodology through the use of Honey Pots. I hope I get to do one of these AIAD's. Right now I'd even be up for going to Air Assualt School this summer if it meant that I'd have a better shot at getting the NSA AIAD.
I hate emotions. Not really, but this week kinda sucks right now emotionally. I'm trying to figure out a bunch of stuff and I seem to be going in circles. What I really want to do is sit down with a friend and just spill everything out, but right now I don't know who to go to and part of me is afraid I'd end up crying or something. Back home everybody says it's okay to cry, but here it's really looked down upon a lot of times. I'm also playing the blame game right now and am trying to stop. It just started this week and I don't like where it's going. Never blame anyone else for your own problems. Don't try and pass your own actions or inactions off as the result of somebody else's actions or inactions. I just need to open up more I guess. I have a problem of trying to keep everything bottled up inside of me and not letting other people know what's really going on. For some reason I have a problem trusting people when it comes to my emotions and stuff like that. Right now I have the act going that everything is okay. People like happy, normal people. Now I've gone and made it sound like something is really wrong, which is not the case. It's just a downhill in the normal emotional rollercoaster called life.

I have practice tomorrow at 5:30am and so I really should be asleep, but I'm used to not getting to bed until 12:30 and so I'm not tired right now. It was a busy day. Tomorrow looks a little less stressfull. Good night

Tuesday, January 28, 2003

Five hours of sleep is not healthy. Actually, it was less than that because I stayed awake for awhile thinking. Last night I had all of my homework done by 9:45pm and so I stopped and visited a friend on the Q. I ended up staying there until around 11 and when I got back to my room I realized that there was a haircut inspection the next morning and my belt looked like crap, plus my shoes needed edge dressing really badly. I had gotten some help from Joel on a CS homework and decided to work on that to see if I could get it figured out. I didn't get to bed until 12:30, and then had to get up at 5:30 for a SOP platoon competition in the dayroom at 6am. My squad came in second because I missed the tie breaking question. It was " if there are 2 females and one male in the room, when must the door be open 90 degrees?" I said that it had to be if it was 2 plebe females and an upperclass male, which is a correct answer, but not the one they were looking for. The right answer is if one of the people is asleep. I don't think my squad minded at all that we didn't win, at least Billy didn't. When we tied with the winning squad he whispered to me that we should stop doing so well. We don't have to worry about getting up early for the company competition now.

Monday, January 27, 2003

Right now I'm eating Ritz Crackers like potato chips. Not a very healthy thing, but they are yummy. Lunch isn't very good. It's corn chowder, broccoli cheese pockets, and cupcakes.

Although it warmed up a bit yesterday, it's still freezing outside. I think it got colder today as the morning progressed instead of warming up.

Yesterday was an interesting day. I finally got to Matt again and it was for more than 5 minutes this time and then hung out in Josh and Joel's room for a while. Around 5:30 Joel said something about weekly reports and I realized that I hadn't done mine yet, so I packed up my books and ran out of there.
Perhaps everybody was right. Maybe I am too hard on myself. I don't tolerate myself making any mistakes. Failure is a moment in time. Success is a lifetime. I think I see it the other way. I've always been ashamed of the fact that in elementry school I had to stand on the wall during recess twice in all 4 years I was at that school. Once was in 1st grade and once was in 3rd grade. Both times because I forgot my homework. There were kids in my class who were always on the wall instead of playing and it didn't seem to bother them, but it crushed my world. I was in tears. In third grade I didn't get a star every week all year long for perfect behavior. I missed one week, and I think that too was because of a homework assignment. In middle school I never got a warning slip. Never got in trouble. In high school I never skipped a class. Never did anything wrong. I had to be perfect. Why? I don't know. I guess I figured that if I ever did anything wrong then poeple would look at me differently and I'd loose everybody's respect. Senior year I followed everything my parents told me to do. Never stayed out past when I was supposed to be home. When they told me I couldn't TP houses with my softball team because if I got caught then it could hurt my chances of getting to West Point, I believed them and didn't throw one roll of TP that night. I want to blame my parents and say that they scared me into believing that if I ever broke any major rules, then it'd mess up everything in my life, but I don't know if that's really the case. Do they actually deserve that? I don't want to say that they do. "What if I stumble? What if I fall?"
It is snowing again. The snowflakes float down from the sky, slowly falling to earth. They catch the light and seem to freeze in place for a second. Time stops as they hover in midair. Inside the super bowl plays on. It does not look good for the Raiders. The music continues playing and the beat keeps going. It calms, sooths, comforts.

“What if I stumble? What if I fall?...” How many mistakes am I allowed to make? Do I always have to be good? Is it all an act? “What if I stumble? What if I fall?...” Will people look at me differently? Will I be able to face myself? “What if I stumble? What if I fall?...” Will I be forgiven? What is right? What is wrong? “What if I stumble? What if I fall?... My love for you will never change.”
http://docl.blogspot.com/

Amazing how things change.

Saturday, January 25, 2003

It's a Friday night, taps isn't untill 1am and right now it's only 11pm, but yet I am back in my room already. This evening I went over to Annah's room to say hi to her and some other friends, plus to eat a little ice cream, and then I proceeded onto Josh's room to watch a movie with him and Joel. The movie was pretty funny and I liked it.

Once again tonight provided me with another example of how I interact with people. I'm most comfertable one-on-one instead of in groups. If I meet someone and it's not in a group, then I'm pretty comfertable and will talk to them and get to know them right away. However, if I'm in a group of people and I don't know anyone, or even if I don't know someone in the group, what most likely will happen is that I'll stay quiet and let everyone else talk and just listen and watch for awhile. Some people like to talk a lot and so I let them talk. I get to know people before I let them get to know me. It gives me a chance to become comfertable and when I get used to the person and eventually I'll start talking again. I get to know what type of person they are by watching and listening. Of course, I wish I were more comfertable in groups instead of always being the quiet one, but I don't know if what I have to say will be valued or just shot down, or even worse, totally ignored.

I like talking one-on-one because there's nobody else there talking the whole time about stuff I have no clue about. It sounds weird. I have stuff to say and I like talking, but I'm not very talkative in groups unless I know the people really well. I am shy I guess.

Friday, January 24, 2003

Crap! I was going to call Matt tonight. Now it's too late.
After lunch today all of the 3rd class had a briefing about YWW. Up untill then I hadn't really cared that I don't have a date for it, but all of the talk about what to do with your date and everything made me wish for awhile that I had one, or at least had a friend that I was going with to it. The other day James A. asked me, as I was initialing a chart for YWW that said if you were bringing any people, why I didn't have a date. I told him that I couldn't tell him, mostly because I was in a hurry to go meet some friends, but also because I just didn't feel like being reminded of that fact. It's really not that big of a deal. Many people don't have dates for the weekend, but yet again it seems like everyone else does. I'm going to the cottage with a group of friends that weekend before and after the banquet and hope, but I don't know how many of them won't be brining anybody. I was looking forward to YWW untill that briefing. I just want to have fun and feel special that weekend.
Well, I passed the IOCT so I guess I should be pretty happy right now, but unfortunatly I'm not. One of my roommates, one of my best friends here, one of my teammates, and my PL from last semester didn't pass. I wish there was something that I could do for them. It may not sound like a huge deal to some people because it's just an indoor obstacle course, but half the firsties failed it last year, including the first captain. Because of that fact, the Comm made it mandatory for all classes this year and those who failed have to go into the Commadants Physical Remediation Program (CPRP), retest at the end of Feb, recieve and F on the test, plus I think they might get a D for intermurals this semester, and they also loose all of their privilages until they pass the test in Feb. I heard from someone on my team that Coach Hall also said that if we failed then it's basically the end of our rowing career here. That was what really scared me.

I was just talking to Anne on IM and she said she heard that so far 65% of the females have failed so far. We both agreed that that number seemed a little high. The passing time for females is 5:29, which is a D. I got a 4:38, which is a C. Although I knew, and also pretty much planned, that I wouldn't get the shelf, I now feel like I failed because I didn't make it up and instead had to go up the cargo net. It's all a mental thing. I don't think I seriously tried to get the shelf because I was more scared that it'd tire me out too much if I did make it up. I feel like I cheated somehow. A few of my attempts I pretty much had it, but then gave up very quickly for fear that I'd get really close but not make it and waste too much time and energy. I hope that next year I've overcome that mental obstacle.

Thursday, January 23, 2003

Web Assign sucks. 2 hours for 3 out of 4 points. Now I'm exhausted and am ready to fall asleep anywhere, but of course I can't. More stuff to do, or else I should start working on some homework assigned today. I just finished making my bed and it looks really comfy. Oh well. I'll get there eventually.

Grapefruit. Yummy.

Wednesday, January 22, 2003

Done with classes for the day and it's only 10:50am :) This morning I had the yuck suck run from the first floor of Thayer to the sixth floor of Washington with all of my books in my backpack. It's going to be a fun year. At least I'm used to living on the 6th floor, so I have a slight advantage over a few people.

Dirt almost put me to sleep and it was only the first day. We got out early and so I had time to go back to my room, drop of my CS and Dirt books, and then go to Grant and get a small coffee. It was my usual mix french vanilla, hot chocolate, and a bit of hazelnut. Today it was unusually good and reminded me of s'mores. It gave me the jolt I needed to stay awake during AP. Perhaps I should start trying to get to sleep before 1am. This morning I didn't even hear my alarm initally go off. I woke up at 6:20 when I pushed the snooze alarm for the second time. I don't remember pushing it the first time.

Last night I ran through the IOCT again and passed even though the person timing me wasn't paying very close attention and I messed up on a few things. Tomorrow is the real test.
"Boys are like buses. There's always another one coming."
~ Coach Hall

"Boys are the scum of the earth"
~My Dad

"Boys are bad"
~Coach Hanlon

There seems to be a trend going. Are boys really that bad?
I want to be the best that I can be. No, I am not trying to copy the older Army slogan of Be All That You Can Be. I just don't want to short change myself.

I got a package from home today. My mom sent me my sweater that she dry cleaned for me, plus some bread chip things and some pretzel sticks. Packages from home are awesome. She also included some farside cartoons in the letter.

I bought a new backpack today at the C-store. It's a Jansport one that can hold a laptop. My dad bought me one from Eddie Bauer over break and it's a really nice one, but for crew trips I'll need one that can hold a few more books. Now I have a nice selection to choose from. It seems like I can never have just one of anything. I always end up with a few. I guess that makes me a very privaleged person, but not to confuse priveleged with happy. Possesions and money don't make people happy. Only one thing really can fill that hole.

Crap it's late. Bedtime.
This evening MAJ Shumacker told us that the windchill for the next three nights is supposed to be around -40 degrees. He warned us to not go running outside.

Tonight I was talking to a friend on IM and our conversation really got me thinking. During the conversation he accused me of somewhat just accepting the views of the majority of society as my own. My reply was "i don't have to go through the experiences myself to realize that there are somethings that i don't want to do and that do not lead to happiness and a good life. i've watched my [extended] family be torn apart by drugs, alcohol, abusive relationships. close friends have babies when just the year before they said that they'd never have sex until marriage. In high school i looked at the lives of the people who partied all the time and did drugs and watched them go from intelligent human beings to vegetables who only care about the next time they can get high. talents wasted, goals flushed down the drain, happiness confused with lack of pain."

Mrs. Pinard really influanced my life in 7th and 8th grade during health class by challenging me to think and make long term and short term goals. When I set a goal for myself I stick to it and don't let anything stop me from achieving it. The only way that goal changes is after I've thought about it for awhile and talked to people I trust about it. I don't know if it's fair to do, but I think that some of the poeple I know let their goals slip away from them and instead choose short term pleasure and long term pain over short term pain and long term happiness.

In high school one of my goals was getting into West Point. Many people thought it would be nearly impossible for me, but that didn't stop me. I chose to ignore them and focus on the goal. That meant that I didn't participate in many things that I saw as possible deterents to my acceptance. True, sometimes that was taken to a bit of an extreme, but I don't regret anything. I've always leaned more to playing it more on the safe side.

I'm not saying that this is what everybody should live by, or that it is a perfect philosophy by any means, but so far it's worked pretty well for me. Sometime I think too much about things, but occasionally that's saved me. When have to make a decision I try and look at all of the possible outcomes and see if it's worth it. If the consequences are too high, then I don't do it. As my dad always said about risky stuff: "high risk, low return." Think about what is best in the long run.

What is happiness and a good life? That's a topic for another night.
The music world can bite me. Everybody does a version of everything and I have no clue who does the original. Blah.

Tonight looks like a busy night. I just got back from practice and dinner and now have to shower. Then I have FCDT at 7, OCF at 7:20, IOCT at 9, and then have to go try and help someone with Problem Stats. Thankfully I managed to get my Dirt homework done this afternoon and so the only thing I have left for tomorrow is reading and answering questions for AP.

I think I should start up another web page with translations of all of the acronyms that I use. It'd probably help a few people out.

Tuesday, January 21, 2003

When it comes to music I am stupid. I don't think I was born with the gene that allows people to remember who sings what and to recognize stuff. Growing up it was mostly classical in my house, plus I took violin lessons for 12 years, yet I still can't tell Mozart from Bach. I only found out today that it's Bob Marley who sings Red Red Wine. Mr. V used to play that song for us in 7th grade and that was the song that made me realize that there was some good stuff out there. After that I started listening to the radio and I tried to start remembering who sang what and what I liked, but most attempts failed. My education on the roots of Rock comprised of Mr. Van's class in 11th grade where we spent half of second semester American History studying the origins of Rock and Roll. I missed the trip to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame because I had a softball game that evening. Mr. Van was not happy about that at all and wouldn't let some of my friends and I make up the trip another day, and instead we had to write a paper about some artist. I think I ended up getting Little Richard, which wasn't my choice. The rest of my knowledge consists of a few fragments a few of my friends, and some Yucks last year at my table, have tried to pass on to me. Anyway, what started this whole post on my lack of musical knowledge is that I was searching for Bob Marley and realized that he sings Don't Worry Be Happy, No Woman No Cry, and some other songs that I really like. I blame my parents for my lack of knowledge and the fact that I'm probably scared for life because of the humiliation I suffer due to the fact that I don't know who sings what. Okay, I'm not that scared.

This all comes down to the fact that I hate being wrong and having people laugh at me. When my friends ask me "who sings this Kate?" I usually don't say anything even though sometimes I have a pretty good guess at who it might be. That's because when I do say something and it's the wrong person or group, the result is that they laugh at me and can't believe that I guessed the person I guessed. I'm hoping that one day I might be able to recognize who sings what, especially when I like the song, but for right now I'll just remain quiet. By the way, I avoid classical music for the most part now because it reminds me of riding back from the library in a car with a headache. Some of it's okay, but right now I prefer Creed and Switchfoot.

Monday, January 20, 2003

Right now I'm laying in bed and listening to Jimmy Eat World. This CD reminds me of being at Buckner and reading Joan of Arc by Mark Twain. I listening to this song in particular over and over again after I found out Jon died. The main phrase of the song is "may angles lead you in..." That week was the train up for infantry week and I was one of the team leaders in my squad. I cried a lot that week, but did it when no one was looking. I didn't tell anyone in my squad or my squad leader about what had happend. All I could think of was that the summer before he'd been a perfectly heathly boy running around and smiling all the time, and now he was gone. I didn't understand. He was so young, so happy, why? Heidi got better, why not him? He was only 14. I don't want to listen to the logic, the truth, the reason.

This CD makes me sad now. Maybe I shouldn't listen to it.
I have a this friend and I want to be even better friends with him, but I don't know what to do. I want to get to know him better and learn more about him, but yet I don't. We took very differnt paths growing up and had very differnt experiances. Part of me wants to know everything, but part of me wants to know nothing because it's easier. I want to be able to talk to him about anything and everything, and I want him to be able to tell me anything and everything. Right now I still feel like I'm not being totaly myself around him, like I have to hide what I'm feeling sometimes. If I'm sad, can I go to him? If I'm happy, can I share it with him? Does he want that, does he understand that?
Three day weekends are awesome. This was almost a full three day weekend, except there was class on Saturday morning. This morning I woke up and was trying to convince myself to get up and go to Church, but then I checked the weather and saw it was 1 degree out and so I decided not to go. Dress gray is not a very warm uniform and I didn't feel like freezing my hands and ears off. I'll go to OCF on Tuesday and then go to the Lutheran service on Wednesday morning.

Today was a very lazy day for me. I evetually got up at 1:30pm and spent the rest of the day sitting around, hanging out with friends, and watching football and movies. Josh is sick and so I went over and visited him a bit and gave him some aleve. I think it's probably the same virus that's going around the corps. On Friday my plebe went to the hospital because he'd been pretty sick the night before and there wasn't sick call that morning.

Sunday, January 19, 2003

I just got finished ordering the next Harry Potter book and a subscription to Popular Science from Amazon.com. Thank you S. Woods:) Those things should balance out all my harder, more boring readings for class with something easy and relaxing. Since the Harry Potter book isnt' due out until June, I'm having it shipped home so that my mom can send it to me wherever I may be at that time.

On that topic, I have no idea where I'm going to be this summer. Right now I have a slot to be a squad leader in 2nd detail cadet basic training (CBT2), but James K.,a yuk in my company, wants me to switch with him for a 1st detail cadet field training slot (CFT1). I waver back and forth on that one. Right now I don't have a MIAD and so I'm free to do either one. He has an Airborne slot that conflicts with CFT1 and that's why he wants to switch with me. Right now I'm thinking that I might switch with him.

This evening I went over to MAJ Schumacher's house with Leah and other people in his OCF small group. I've only gone twice before and so it was really nice of him to invite me. I really enjoyed spending time with everyone and felt a lot more comfertable by the end of the evening.

Saturday, January 18, 2003

It's 12:30am and I should be getting to sleep because I"ve already finished my essay, but instead I'm lying on my bed typing this on my laptop while listening to Five for Fighting. I'm trying to do some free writing and write whatever comes into my mind, but it's a little hard to see because I don't have my glasses on. I also don't think I'm supposed to be listening to music, but the room is so noisey with the sound of Tara's music plus Alyson playing her guitar. A few days ago Reggie and King came in while Tara and Alyson were sleeping and they spied the guitar. King wanted to know if she would give him lessons sometime, but Reggie to him to not bother asking because he had once and Alyson never gave him any because she never had time TIme is such a precious thing. Lately it seems to be moving fast that ever. How can I already be more than half way through my yearling year here. In less than 5 months I'll be a cow. Time flies. I don't think about what happend a few days ago because then I get stuck thinking in the past. Focus on the present and prepare for the future. What does the future hold? I have no idea. I need ot keep writing even if I'm not writing anything important. The first time I did this was my first day of english class plebe year. I liked that teacher, but she was only my teacher for a few days before my real teacher got back from his chess tournament. More to write, but what? I've suddenly gone blank. Sometimes I want to live in a small town, like the kind you see in pictures and on postcards with the coner drugstore and the white steeple church. Do town like that actually exist or are they just dreamed up by idealistic people. I don't want to live in an one that is a huge touraist spot. Sometimes I want to live in a big city and go to black tie events and cocktail parties. I want to have that corner office and the high rise apartment, or the nice townhouse somewhere in the classy but homely part of town. Other times I want to live in a huge, expensive house in a rich subdivision, or in a house out in the country. I don't know where I"ll end up, but where ever it is I hope that I"m happy. What makes me happy? Good friends, music, beautiful sunsets, clear starry nights. Am I too idealistic? Sometiems I think I try to hard to see the good in everybody, and sometimes I think I'm too pessimistic. I just realized that when I was stateing the different places I want to live, I never said anything about the military. What does that mean? Maybe nothing. I don't know if I'll stay in after my 5 years. Can I have a career and a family? What is best for everybody? Right now I'm only 19 and don't have to worry too much about that stuff. I'll be 26 when I have the option of getting out. THat time seems so far from now, but 26 isn't very old at all. I used to think that college was some hard place that was so far away, but now I'm in college. How did I get here? When did I grow up? I have a lot of questions, but not many answers. I want to ask more questions, but there's not point right now because there's not place to get answers from at the moment. LIfe is full of questions. Don't think, just do. I need to do that more. I think too much and it gets me in trouble. I can catch a ball and throw a person out at second when I don't think, but when I do think I mess everything up. It'd be nice to have the ability to turn my brain on and off sometimes. I wonder how Liese Williams is and what she's up to. I haven't talked to her since the beginning of high school. Why did I jsut think of her? I though of the time we watched Free Willy and ate colored popcorn at her house. The yellow popcorn was gross because it was the artificial banana taste. I hate that stuff. Seems that most people do also because the banana Now and Laters are usually the last ones sold. I really should get some sleep. Good night.
Misha can't make it for YWW and it doesn't look that good for Steph either. It'd be nice to see both of them, but it'd be very hard trying to plan everything in only 2 weeks so it's probably for the best. I'm looking forward to that weekend and going to the cottage and ski slope. I'm not sure who all is going, but Leah said it's around 23 or 24 people.

I was supposed to meet Anne and Beth for dinner this evening at 5:50pm, but around 5:45 Mark stopped by the room and saw the new dressers. He's the supply SGT this semester and so he was happy that the stuff he requested is actually getting done. Then he procceeded to try and fix the overhead sink light that's been broken since the beginning of last semester. He managed to get it so that we can turn it on and off by using a screw. By the time he was done it was already 6:10 and so Anne and Beth were long gone, plus it was a sit down dinner. I ended up going to the first open spot avaliable and it turns out it was the table the 1st CPT was eating at. I didn't know anyone at the table and so I ate as fast as I could and then left, plus the meal wasn't all that good. It was fish and chips. This years 1st CPT seems like a good guy and I like him better than last years, but my opinion may be a little skewed due to the fact that last year I was a plebe and almost got in major trouble for walking right by the 1st CPT and not greeting him. Now he's just another person at this school who has to do a lot more work that I do. The whole fear factor is gone for me, but I was suprised that a plebe was gutsy enough to sit next to him at dinner. Last year I don't think you could've paid me to do that.

TV is a lot less interesting to me for some reason. I guess it's because I didn't have time to watch it and so stopped watching it as much, and now its lost a lot of its appeal. Now I can only watch one show before I need to turn it off and do something else. Usually that show is the Simpsons.

No school Monday :) I realized today that that means the Yuks have OPPs on Sunday. Saturday night I'm going over to the Schumakers to watch a movie and eat some good food with some other people. Sunday I don't have any plans and so I probably won't end up doing anything. Perhaps the Hanlons will have people over.
I was going to go work on the IOCT this afternoon, but instead I took a nap and didn't wake up untill 4:50. Amaka and I are going to go run through it at 8pm now.

Friday, January 17, 2003

MAJ K was correct in what he said about me during the journal conference today. He said that one thing he thought I could improve on that he saw was the fact that I am too nice. I want to be understanding, but instead I'm sometimes a pushover. That can't go on. Sophmore year of high school I made a list in my journal comparing the good teachers I'd had before to the ones that I didn't think could teach and lead the class very well. It turned out to be quite a long list, but I couldn't seem to figure out what was the main thing wrong with the poorer teachers. Today I realized it was that they were too nice and were pushovers. Nobody really respected them and it showed. They didn't have control of the class, and I for one didn't try very hard at all, but they wanted to be nice and understanding and so believed it when we said we did try. I ended up with good grades in both of those classes, but my effort level was down in the C or D range. I also came away from those classes with out learning very much, and in one instance I ended up repeating one of the classes I'd taken in middle school in high school because I didn't have a strong foundation. Now I'm the one that is at risk of being a pushover. If that happens I fail myself and I fail my soldiers. I asked MAJ K how to find the line between being too nice and being an asshole. He said that being an asshole is far better than being too nice, and to try and lean to that side. That's not to say that's what I aspire to be, not at all. In fact, I'd rather like to avoid that all together, but I have to be prepared to sometimes be percived as being one. A good leader cares about their soldiers, but does not baby them or let them slack off. The time to start is now, but how?
I like this color scheme a little more that the last one. I wish I could do more cool stuff with the template, but I don't think have the freedom to do that by just using blogger.

Today for lunch we're supposed to have spicy chicken sandwiches. Yummy:) Some people complained the last time we had them, but I really like them.

Yesterday Alyson and Tara both got new dressers because the old one they shared is a piece of crap and the supply guy finally realized that. They fit and look very nicelye in the room, but I had to push the bunkbed right up nest to my desk. I reorganized my desk so that I can have easier access to my laptop from my bed. The only thing that I don't like is that I now have to stuff my printer under the bunkbed because it won't fit any place else.

My PC just lost power. It did that once yesterday. I have the surge protecter/backup battery thing that was issued along with the computer, but it doesn't seem to be working. My roommates computers don't lose power like that, but all of our backup batteries emit a loud beeping noise many times during the day and night. I think the power surges, or lose of power is due to the construction going on across the area at Arvin Gym.
Right now it looks like I might not get a MIAD this summer. That means that I'll have to do one next summer and so I probably won't be able to do an AIAD with the NSA. Translated in to civilian terms that means that this summer I'm probably not going to Airborne school or some other school like that but instead doing it the next summer. Since that is the case I probably can't do and intership type thing with the National Security Agency next summer because I won't have time. Das ist schlect.
Right now I'm listening to my Giants in the Land CD that I got for Christmas. We had a record of it that Heidi, Betsy, and I all liked when we were little. I'm glad that my parents gave us each a copy of the CD.

This evening I was talking to Josh on IM and somehow my mention of me wanting popcorn led all the way to me thinking about what a great childhood I had. It was a very idealistic. The only bad things were that my mom had cancer, but I was way to young to remember that;my dad had hepititis, but once again I barley remember that; and dogalina martina spaghetti (the family guinea pig) died my first day of third grade. Since my parents didn't allow my sisters and I to watch a lot of television, I spent a lot of time playing outside, reading, or playing inside with pipeworks in the winter. We were allowed to ride our bikes in the summer and play with pipeworks in the winter, but never got to do both at the same time. It made them more special and something I looked forward to doing. I loved using my imagination and playing pretend, especially when it involved building forts inside or outside.

Now onto a totally different subject. Yesterday I decided to jog through the whole IOCT course and see how it went. Actually, I wasn't planning on doing the whole thing, but instead stopping after I got up the rope, but then Anthea said that if I jogged through the whole thing she'd time me. I did it at a medium pace and even though I didn't get the shelf and had to wait the 15 seconds and then go up the cargo net, I still finished the whole course with over 30 seconds to spare. That means that if I keep practicing and do it a little faster on the actual test day, not only should I have no problem passing, I might even get a decent grade.

Last night I found out that Dave Mathews Band is coming here on March 23. I told Josh and Joel about it and they didn't believe me at first. The Corps was officially told that this evening. Tickets go on sale to the public tomorrow, but I don't know when cadets can go down to Ike and get them. March 23 is the day we all get back from spring break. I don't even know when the crew team is getting back, but it'd be really cool if I could go to the concert.

Tara went to the hospital suddenly last night. I didn't find out until I got back to my room around 11. Alyson and I had no idea what was wrong except for the fact that she'd suddenly gotten sick the previous evening. All today we would come back to the room hoping to find her, but she didn't come back until around 3:30 this afternoon. It turns out that she had a burst stomach ulser. She seems to be doing okay now and I'm very thankfull for that.

I think this is my third time staight listening to the CD tonight. I should realy get to bed since I have no reason to stay up. I finished my journal entry and essay for MS class around 9:30 tonight. The last MS class of intersession is Saturday, and the yuks only have to turn in a paper and then leave. It's one time it's good to be a Yuk.

Thursday, January 16, 2003

Not of big fan of the new template. I'm going to play around with it sometime when I some time. Now I'm off to crew practice.

Wednesday, January 15, 2003

Today turned out to be a pretty good day. Humvee training ended at 8:20 this morning and so when it was done I went back to my room, read the NY Times, and then took a nap until 11:08. Tara, Alyson, and I woke up when the plebes started calling minutes outside our door. That's the first time that's ever happend to me. This afternoon for MS class we had our journal confrences and went to a NCO panel. The NCO panel was very intersting and helpfull. CSM Butt's is an awesome man. My journal conference went pretty well. MAJ K said that I'm one of the only people in the class who's down all of the journals. He told me that right now it looks like I'll end up with a B+ in the class, but if I put a little more thought into some of my journals and essays, then I might get an A-. Instead of going to crew practice Annah, Beth, and I were going to go practice the IOCT, but that didn't end up happening. Instead we sat in Annah's room and discussed our issues with guys in our life. I found it extremely helpfull and was able to come to terms with some things. Annah and Beth great.

Tomorrow looks like it'll be a long, busy day. In the mornign there is book issue and then IOCT practice. I also have to finish my journal for class. In the afternoon there's an in class exercise and discussion from 12:00 to 2:15, then we move to Robinson Auditorium for a lecture by Major General Boykin. I hope that's a good lecture. After that I have IOCT practice again instead of crew practice.

I really need to pass the IOCT next Thursday so that I can take pass for Yearling Winter Weekend and have all of my privilages. Right now I have a lot of motivation to pass. Steph really wants to come up, and she said that she might even if I don't find a date for her. Misha said that he's still trying to figure out if he can make it that weekend. He has a test on that Friday and that Monday. It'd be awesome if he could come, but if he can't I still have the option of going to the condo thing and skiing with a huge group of friends that weekend. I invited Josh to come if his other plans don't work out. I hope that that turns out to be a good weekend for everybody.

Tuesday, January 14, 2003

I think I have the perfect date for Steph for Yearling Winter Weekend...
This template is messed up. I don't like how you have to scroll right to read the rest of the post, but I'm also too lazy to change that right now. Maybe it'll just magically change on it's own. You never know.

Today I caught myself thinking about how many days ago I was home. That was breaking one of my number one rules here. During Beast I learned not to think to much about past or the future events. If I do, I just end up stressing myself out. Instead I focus my energy where I need it when I need it. As soon as I realized what I was doing I switched my train of thought.
It's a miracle! Today should be a holiday. I actually talked to Matt on the phone yesterday. I called him, and he was home. It's amazing. At first I thought that perhaps I'd called the wrong number and there just happend to be a Matt living there, but he sounded tired enough to be the Matt I know, so it must have been him. Okay, so I'm being a bit too sarcastic and giving Matt a hard time, but I was happy that I actually was able to talk to him. He pointed out that recently I've been pretty vague in my posts.

Hmvee training this moring was 2.5 hours of pure, unadulterated boredom. Most people fell asleep, but since I ended up sitting in the second row I tried to stay awake. For the most part I just did the sit, stare, and daydream method of staying awake. Usually I'm pretty good at staying awake in lectures when I'm really tired, but I don't remember anything at all. I'm pretty good at blocking stuff out of my mind when I want to.

Last night I probably should've gotten more than 5 hours of sleep. I was up until 1am finishing my journal entry for MS202 that I didn't even start untill 11pm. IM and the phone are bad things to have nearby when you need to get work done.

When the trainers say "don't do anything for a few days," I guess they really mean it and I should listen to them. This afternoon for crew practice we went on a run to Lee Gate, but around the Old PX I decided that I should go actually see the trainers for my feet. They've been doing better, but the pain isn't gone all the way. They gave me a soft shoe, self-pace profile until the 16th, and told me not to do anything. It's something to do with my plantar fascitis. After I left the trainers I decided to go do the monkey bars a few times because I have the IOCT next week. After the third time across my feet were once again killing me because of landing on them and so I limped out of the gym and back to my room. I'm not a big fan of the "soft shoe" part of the profile, or of any profiles for that matter. This is my second one ever, but I still feel like I'm shaming somehow. The good news is that now I'm pretty fast and confident on the monkey bars. Now if I could just get the shelf...

"So kiss me and smile for me. Tell me that you'll wait for me. Hold me like you'll never let me go, Cause I'm leaving on a jetplane..." --aerosmith

Whenever I hear that song I think of the drama club play in 8th grade. That was the final song. Unlike a lot of people, I have only happy memories of HVS. Sure, I was a dork, but I had a great group of friends and still keep in touch with most of them. I wouldn't change anything.

Sunday, January 12, 2003

Why am I sad? Who can I talk to who would understand? Right now I feel alone, like nobody cares. I can't even write in here anymore because I don't know who reads it and I also don't want to say anything bad about anybody, but I really want someplace to vent. I'm holding it all in and that's not good.

Saturday, January 11, 2003

I think I'm going to give in and go see the trainers on Monday if my arches are still hurting. It's gotten to the point where I'm scared to do anything except walk for fear that I won't be able to walk the next day. I think they're actually doing a little better today because I haven't run for a few days. Yesterday I went to the hockey game with Josh and Joel. The walk up there was pretty painful, but I didn't tell them. I'm not about to stop doing everything just because of a little foot pain. It hurts to go visit my friends in Bradley, but that doesn't stop me. No pain no gain.

Today is Saturday, but that doesn't mean much here. We still had unit PT this morning and have class this afternoon. At least we're in PMI, so I got in about an hour nap this morning after I finished my assigned reading. Class is only an hour seminar and then journal confrences, so it shouldn't be too bad.

Meghan wanted Molly, Beth, and I to go into town for dinner tonight, and I want to go, but everyone in 4th Reg still doesn't have any privelges because of a "riot" during TEE week. It was just people yelling and throwing papers and stuff out their windows after Taps, plus 4 naked men, and 2 bottle rockets. TEE week is a pretty fun time, until they make us close our windows and pull down our shades or else suffer severe punishment. Only one of the naked men was caught. I think he's a turnback now, or else he left on his own. Since I can't go, Meghans going to IM me when they get back and we're going to watch some movies. It should be a pretty fun night.
Stress stinks... Arid works.
Help! I've fallen and I can't get up.
J-E-L-L-O
Hmm, hmm, good. Cambells soup.
A Caprii (way to go canada with that one)

--Don't you just love commercials?


I really wish that I had someone to talk to about everything, but I don't know who. I used to turn to Matt, but that's not really possible anymore as I realized over break. Same goes for Frank, Steph, and my other friends back home. Time passes, things happen, people change. That's life. It's just hard when you realize and accept that fact. I'll never forget the moments I realize that about my friendships with different people. I realize that while I once could turn to them for anything and we were really close friends, things have changed and although we'll remain friends, it'll never be the same. We've all changed in different ways and are headed in different paths.
Guys are annoying.

Friday, January 10, 2003

Last night the posting for MIAD's came out, twice. I wasn't on the first list, which was a mistake. According the the second list I have Sapper School this summer. Sapper school is an Engineer Corps school that is akin to Ranger School. There are tryouts for it, so I don't know why they put me on the list. What I really want is SRT, which is and MP School that deals with room clearing and stuff like that. Right now both of my roommates have CTLT spots in Hawaii. They are so lucky. I'm a Beast 2 Squad Leader. I won't do CTLT until the summer after this one.

Thursday, January 09, 2003

I want to sleep. My bed looks so inviting and comfertable. How come in the morning my bed becomes the most comfertable thing in the world right as the alarm goes off? It could've been the worst night where I didn't sleep a bit, but right as that alarm sounds I find the perfect position and don't want to have to get out of bed. I think it's a conspiracy between the the people who make beds and everything. They must put some sort of drug or something in the pillows and the sheets so that in the morning when you have to get up you want to stay in bed forever. I think I should do a little investigating and check out my bed by laying down on it and going to sleep. I'm sure my teacher would understand the importants of the investigation and be just fine with me missing today's class.

Oh well, it was a nice try.
Hmm, not much going in my life right now. This morning we went swimming for unit fitness. It was in BDU's and so it made everything a little harder, but I liked it a lot more than running. For crew practice today we're practicing the IOCT. I learned some good news today. If you fail the IOCT you still lose your privleges and have to go to remediation on friday's, but you aren't placed in CZCP/CPRP, which is what I was really scared of. I can do the shelf if I get my foot hooked, but doesn't always happen. It's very frustrating. Yesterday we had to practice the course in the morning, and my throat still hurt a little and my voice sounded weird in the afternoon. The air Arvin gym is very dry.

I don't know what I'm doing for YWW. It's in three weeks. Originally I was thinking of inviting a friend from home, but now things are a little different. I don't know what will end up happening.

Sometimes I wonder if I really have what it takes. That goes for anything. Do I have the ability to push myself hard enough? Do I have the self-disipline? Do I always have to be so quiet and serious? Blah.
blah
My feet and legs are killing me right now. As Annah said, "Military intersession is not about learing stuff in military science classes, it's about burning off all the fat you gained over the break." Yesterday I had a very long day that started at 4am with a urinalysis. I guess there were also weigh-ins going on at the same time, but they forgot to tell me that so I just went straight back to bed without evening know that I was supposed to weigh in. For unit fitness training we had to run down to the APFT course and then do intervals. After that we had to run of ODIA hill and then form back up and run back to the company area. In all that was around 4-5 miles. After lunch I had the 3.5 hour military science class, but the last hour of it was actually a lecture from LT GEN Brooks. I ended up sitting in the second row and so I had to at least look like I was taking notes. Crew started up again, but we don't have autho's during intersession. For practice we ran to Lee Gate and back, which is about 3 miles. I think that's the most I've ever run in one day. That wasn't a good idea for my first real workout in awhile. My arches on my feet are killing me. Today for UFT we did the IOCT. I'm sucking at that.

Tuesday, January 07, 2003

On the Q

Having given up on a visit from the dashing J, our gorgeous heroine decides it's time to make a name for herself in the world. Her ingenious method: making music with a plastic construction paper wrapper the way music flows from a blade of grass when a person cups their hands and blows on it. The beautiful music that flows from her lips captivates the surrounding populace and strikes them speechless. The only sound heard beside the lovely tune is the clapping of skin against skin as the inhabitants scramble to cover their ears. A move that our heroine can only guess is because they don’t want to risk being overcome with the magnificence of the melody. Surely fame is just around the corner for her.

Okay, I'm very bored right now and still on the Q. Today I've gotten many complements on my laptop from people in my company. Jasmin was a life saver when she stopped by around 7:20 to say hi. That was my low point of the day. I was tried and cranky, not a good combination. Her visit cheered me up and now I think I've got my second wind. I don't know why it's so tireing sitting at a desk all day, but it sure is. The phone rang at least once an hour, which is unheard of nowadays. Each time I had to run off and find somebody to deliver a message to or to tell to come to the phone.

Tomorrow looks like it'll be a smoker. Oh joy.

Monday, January 06, 2003

And I'm Back

Once again it's the start of a new semester, well almost. There's still two weeks before actual academic year starts, but since last semesters grades are already in and I'm back at school once again that's good enough for me. Last semester turned out okay. I managed to raise my GPA a tiny bit even though I lowered all of my grades with my scores on my TEE's. Once again I should have studied more. Today is a re-orgy for everyone to finish moving in to their rooms. Before I'd said that I was switching rooms and would have two new roommates, but we worked it out so that Sarah, the girl I was switching with, and I got to stay in our old rooms with our old roommates. I was very happy when we found out we could do that because it meant a little less work for me to do this week. As it is, Tara and I reorganized our room by moving the desks and beds around so that there is much more room now. We all switched desks. I have Tara's old spot, Alyson has mine, and Tara has Alyson's. I like it because my bed is right next to my desk. Today is basically a free day for everybody, but I was the lucky one stuck with pulling CCQ all day. I guess it had to happen to somebody.

Tomorrow the Military Science (MS) classes start. Mine are in the afternoon from 12:00 to 3:30. In the morning there's unit PT. At first I was disapointed that I have the classes in the afternoon, but now that I think about it I think it'll be nice to get the PT out of the way. Hopefully it'll be free time after 3:30.

While I was home all of my friends asked me how much free time I got here. I don't really know how to answer that one. There's a lot, but yet there's also almost none at all.

I got my class scheduale for next semester. I have 20.5 credits. I'm taking Physics II, Probability and Statistics, Spanish II, Physical Geography (Dirt), American Politics, Fundamentals of Computer Science (CS 301), and then combatives IV fourth round. I guess that'll keep my pretty busy.

When everyone's gone at lunch it's amazing how much noise there still is around here. It seems like everyones phone, cell phone, and alarms went off in that 30 min time period. Maybe it's just that it's usually so loud that you can't hear them.

Steph called me last night and we figured out that her friends are actually comeing for 500th night. That's the weekend before YWW, but she still wants me to try and find her a date for YWW. I think it's best to stay away from cadet guys, but of course that makes me a hypocrite. Ah well.

I'm on my second Mountain Blast Powerade. Yummy. Tate is keeping me busy with moving furniture, or at least supervising some of the moving of it. I'm getting my exercise walking up and down the 6 flights of stairs.

I think everyone in the company is supposed to do initial counseling today with their new chain of command, but so far I haven't had anyone except my classmates inform me of that fact. It's also kind of hard to do much of that sort while sitting at the CCQ desk. The joy of school.
Right now I am on my flight back to school. This time I managed to get to the right gate with plenty of time to spare. Molly and the Schafer twins are on this flight along with at least one other cadet that I don’t know. As the Schafer’s were boarding the flight I tried to figure out which one was Justin because he’s in my company, but I wasn’t sure. When I was checking my bag I saw Kristen and a plebe. I knew it was a plebe because of his book bag. They all have the same issued one. Yesterday my dad went to Eddie Bauer and found an all black one that holds laptops. I looked there they day before but didn’t see any of that sort. Perhaps he looked in a different section.

I’m really not looking forward to having to go back and move all of my stuff to a new room and set it all up again. At USNA they don’t make the middies clear out their rooms before long breaks. They also get almost three weeks for Christmas, but of course they also all had to go back on Friday instead of Sunday. I think I’ll stop comparing now. USMA is by far the better school overall.

My dad left a finger print on my screen when he was putting in the new memory card. Right now it’s really annoying me because the glare from the sun makes it really stand out.

I was half thinking about calling my parents once I got on the plane to tell them that I made it okay. I’m sure that at least my mom was a little worried since last time I missed my flight back. Since they’d be at Church and a phone ringing would probably make them think something was wrong I decided not to call. I asked my Mom to tell Matt that I say “Bye” because I never had a chance to say it in person, or at all for that matter. In fact, I haven’t seen him since Christmas Eve and don’t even know if I’ll get to see him this summer. He’ll probably be really busy and be out of town if and when I get a chance to come home. Perhaps next Thanksgiving or Christmas I’ll get to hang out with him.

They guy next to me is snoring right now. My left arm is pretty uncomfortable because I have it squished up beside me and can’t stretch it out. There, that’s a little better. I closed the tray table and he just moved his arm and so now I can use the other armrest.

Sunday, January 05, 2003

Well, this is my last night at home for awhile, probably six months or so. I get a little sad every time I have to leave, but that's normal. Tonight my Dad my dinner and both of my sisters came. After that I finally got around to packing my clothes and then went off to see a movie with Misha, Dragos, and one other guy that also went to Huron but who's name I can't remember. Around midnight I drove over to Steph's place to say bye to her. Liz was over and so we all sat around and taked for a little while. I don't know when I'll get to see Steph again since she's going off to the Air Force in March. She told me that she gets to come home for a bit at the beginning of July and so I'm hoping that coincides with whatever break I may get this summer. I guess we'll wait and see. She also told me that a few of her friends are going to a ball at WP at the end of January. My guess is that it's YWW. We were talking about it and we decided that I should try and find her a date so that she can come out as well. That'd be really cool. Of course, right now I don't even know if I have a date for sure.

This evening Josh's name popped up on my IM list and so I said hi to him, but it turned out that it was actually his dad. We talked for a few minutes, mostly about how he already missed Josh even though he just left this morning. His dad seems like a pretty nice guy. I wonder what Josh'll think when I tell him what happened.

Well, I guess I should finish packing all of my electronic stuff. I'm going back to school with so much more stuff than I came home with. Isn't it supposed to work the other way? Ah well, that's life.
Really I don't feel like doing anything right now, but I know that I should really start packing. Today I bought a new suitcase thing at Target. It's a green one with wheels and a handle that pops up so you can pull it along behind you. I also bought Steph a mini leatherman and a big bag of m&m's as a Christmas/going away present.

The more I think about returing to school the more stressed out I become. I keep thinking about the IOCT and how I am not at all ready for it at all.

Saturday, January 04, 2003

I should start packing, but as usual I'm procrastinating. I'll probably get around to it really late tonight, say 2am or so. Right now I have a load of whites in the washer which makes me feel a little more productive.

I just finished installing Microsoft Office XP for Students and Teachers. The more I learn about it the more I think that Microsoft really is like Big Brother.

At first I was kind of hurt, but now I don't think I even really care. Has it really come to that point? I hope not, and since I"m writting about it I don't think it actually has. I'm trying to convince myself that I don't care and that it doesn't matter, but deep down it does. I want to blame him, but then I try and look at things from his standpoint and I can't help feeling bad for even thinking about being mad at him. He's been very busy with work, girlfriend, friends, college crap, and everything so I feel bad for even wanting to impose on his time. That's what I feel like I am, just another thing that takes up time and energy. I'd rather not see him and not talk to him anymore if that's the case.

This evening Frank and I went out to dinner and then later I went with Becki to Kyle's house for a fondu party.

I called Josh today and we talked for a few minutes before he had to run out the door. Hopefully I'll get to see him on Sunday or Monday. On Monday I have CCQ and am not looking forward to that at all because that day is set aside for us to finish setting up our rooms and so it means I have less time than everybody else. This semester I'm moving into a different room with two other girls in my company. We have to room by platoon and they are the only yuck girls in my platoon so it makes sense that we room together. They were roomates last semester and so I'm the newcomer. I don't know them very well, but I guess this will give us a chance to get to know eachother. That was the way it was last year second semester with Amaka, Jasmin and I. Jasmin and I had been roommates first sememster along with Kelly, and then second semester Kelly was roommates with DeeDee and Amaka was our new roommate. I didn't know Amaka very well before that, but now we are really good friends. I'm always running to her room to talk.

Yearling Winter Weekend is in a month. Enough said on that topic for right now.

Hmm, tomorrow, or should I say today, is my last full day at home for a long time. Hopefully I'll get to hang out with Steph and Matt. Steph's going off to basic training for the Air Force in March and so I don't know when the next time is that I'll get to see her. We'll probably both get leave at different times. Matt's just so busy that I don't even know if I'll get to see him at all before I leave. It'd be cool if I could go see another movie tomorrow night. If I talk to Misha on IM at all tomorrow I'm thinking about asking him if he wants to go see another one.
Today I went around the city trying to find a black backpack that is made to hold a laptop. After a few hours I still don't have one. I went to at least 7 different stores ranging from computer stores to luggage stores; office supply stores to clothing stores, including searching in the mall. In all I only found three stores that carried what I needed, and I only liked one of the backpacks that I found. The only problem with it was that it had a $225 price tag. Oh well. Sometimes I wish that WP didn't have so many rules.

Last night was a very enjoyable night. My dad and I went out and bought some more memory for my computer and he also bought me Microsoft Office XP. Then, Misha and I went to see Sweet Home Alabama at the old Fox Village Theater. After that we went downtown and got coffee. After the coffee shop closed we walked around for a little while. It snowed about 3 inches yesterday and was still snowing during the night making driving very slippery and slow.

Two nights ago Teresa and I went out and did a little shopping at Meijers. We found some awesome post Christmas sales such as boxes of candy canes for $.37. We went and decorated Bill, Becki, Frank, and Matt's houses. Matt's house was the most fun because when we were in the middle of putting candy canes on the bushs someone came downstairs so we hid in the shadows. While we were hiding I noticed a car driving down the street and it proceeded to pull into the driveway. We had to take a little break, but we managed to finish his house.

I haven't talked to Josh since Monday. I wonder if we'll talk again on the phone before we get back to school. Who knows.

Friday, January 03, 2003

You always reached out to me and
helped me believe
All those memories we share
I will cherish every one of them
The truth of it is there’s a right way to live
And you showed me
So now you live on in the words of a song
You’re a melody

You stand here with me now

Just when fear blinded me
you taught me to dream
I’ll give you everything I am
and still fall short of
What you’ve done for me
In this life that I live
I hope I can give love unselfishly
I’ve learned the world is bigger than me
You’re my daily dose of reality

You stand here with me now

On and on we sing
On and on we sing this song

‘Cause you stand here with me

--Creed , Stand Here With Me--

It's snowing outside! The reports say everything from 2-10in. I was going to go work out at Domino's Farms today and say hi to everybody there, but then when I got up my mom had the car and so I couldn't go. Right before she got home it started snowing and picked up a lot after she go home and so I decided to stay home. Hopefully I'll be able to go tomorrow.

I really like having my own computer at home, and I think it'll be really nice having this one back at school. This evening my dad and I are going out to buy more hardware and software for it. Last night we looked into upgrading the memory and found that the reason they say it's only upgradeable to 384MB is because right now it has two 128MB memory cards in it, but only one can be replaced. There are 512MB memory cards on the market, but they are still really expensive and they aren't very common yet. It is must less expensive to just buy a 256MB memeory card and replace one of the current ones.

Hmm, right now I'm watching the Shawshank Redemption and they just showed Andy shinning the wardens shoes with a regular boot brush. Perhaps I'm wrong, but from my experiance it's pretty hard to get a shine like they showed on a shoe by using a brush. What you need it a good shoes rag and the right combination of polish, water, and pressure. To much of any of those and you're in trouble.

Wednesday, January 01, 2003

Happy New Year. As of right now I have no real new year resolutions. What's the point? Every year I think about thinking about making one or two. You know, the usual work out every day, eat healthier, get straight A's, learn to fly (just kidding), but then I realize that I really don't have the self-discipline to keep them and will just end up feeling bad about it. This year is no different. I just want to be happy, whatever that may entail.

I went over to Teresa's house. It was great. I got to see Mark, Frank, Sair, Bill, Laura, Hannah, Teresa, Jenny, Mike, Ian, Johnny, Gretchen, David, Mara, and tons of other friends and other people I kind of know, plus I got to meet Stephen from Ireland. Teresa made him sing the Lucky Charms song. It was really funny. I was suprised that he actually knew it. We all rang in the new year together by watching the ball drop in Time's Square on TV.

Teresa and I are up to our troublesome self's again. Last time we got together ended up doing stuff to Bill, Becki, and Matt's houses late at night. Matt's was the best with the little green soldiers on his front porch. I don't know who and when were going to get someone this time, but it'll hopefully be in the next few days.

Hmm, what else do I have to say? Oh, today I say Becca L. I was at an intersection and she was turning the corner. It reminded me of elementry school when her, Rachel B, Christi N, and I used to play together all the time. We were great friends as school, but since we lived so far away from each other, in relative terms of a kindergartner which is about a mile and a half but in two seperate neighborhoods divided by a very busy road, we didn't go over to play at each other's houses very often. In fact, I don't think that I ever had Becca over or went over to her house. In my neighbor hood I had Becca , Amy , Liese , Ian , Chris, and Mike to play with. Occasionally there was also Tim, but he was a year younger than me and I was pretty shy about asking him if he wanted to play. I didn't play with the boys that much because, well, they were boys and at that time boys seemed very weird. It was a little different with Ian and Mike before we started going to school. Mike had the coolest cardboard boxes in the basement which he had turned into forts in the truely childhood tradition. It was awesome. Sometimes his mom would pin towels around our necks and we would run around pretending to be superheros. Ian and I were great friends also, actually better friends than Mike and I. When I was little I was sure that I would marry Ian when I was older. We would play house for hours. He was the dad and would go off fishing, dangeling a stick with a piece of string attached off the side of the stairs. I was the mom who would stay at home with the baby and prepare a lunch to bring him. When we were a little older we would pretend we lived on a farm and that our bikes were our horses. Once we all started elementry school we all started to stay away from members of the opposite sex. Amy, Becca, Liese and I had grand times playing toghether, but not all together all at once. At least two people were always mad at each other for some reason. I tried to avoid that as much as possible because I knew that everytime one of them would say "I'm never talking to you again" they'd have forgotten what they were mad about in a matter of minutes and it'd be back to normal. That's why I kind of laughed whenever I heard that. In fact, I don't ever being mad at a friend when I was younger. Well, there was that one time that MarySarah had a birthday party in 5th grade and only invited a few girls in the class, but told everyone all about it.

As much as we thought boys were icky, gross, and weird, none of us was immune from having a childhood crush. At least I wasn't. It was Mike D, the cutest boy in the kindergarten, 1st grade, 2nd grade, and 3rd grade, at least in my opinion. I later found out that I wasn't the only one who had a crush on him. Christy and Amy did also, and probably some other girls did too. After Betsy found out about it she teased me for years. I guess I can't blame her; she is my older sister. After 3rd grade I started going to HVS and didn't see Mike again until Freshman year of high school at Huron. He was just as cute, but of course had gotten very popluar and always had a girlfriend. I also had a huge crush on McCaulley Culkin in 3rd grade. Mike may have been the cutest boy in elemetry school, but McCaulley Culkin was the cutest boy in the United States to me. Thankfully I got over that one relatively fast.

Wow, I wrote a lot tonight and it's getting late. Happy New Year.
Today my dad and I went to Best Buy and bought a Sony VAIO R505 SuperSlim Pro Notebook. It seems like a pretty nice laptop so far. I want to upgrade the memory on it and am also very interested in buying a USB flash drive. That way I can easily transfer data from my PC to my notebook. The docking station has a floppy drive and a cd-rw/dvd drive, but floppy's don't hold very much and burning cd's can be a pain sometimes. I found a 40 GB external hard drive that connects to the computer via a USB port. That'd be cool to have to store music and pictures. Too bad it cost around $140. Right now I'll settle for getting around 64 MB's for data.

So far I know that I'll know at least three people at Teresa's house tonight. Her, Bill, and Sarah. I wonder who else will be there. Today I was talking to Misha on IM and he said that he didn't have any parties to go to tonight. I wish that I could invite him to this one, but I don't think he'd know anybody, plus it's not my party. On Thursday Misha and I are going to go see Sweet Home Alabama at the Fox Village Theater. He's already seen it and said that it was a pretty funny movie. Over Labor Day we went to see My Big Fat Greek Wedding. That movie is hilarious. I haven't seen him since then, but we talk on IM pretty often. He's going to make a great doctor.

Tomorrow my mom's side of the family is coming over to celebrate Christmas. That means that tomorrow morning, and probably some of this evening, will be spent cleaning the house. At least I have a reason to duck out of here around 9 tonight. I wonder what my other friends are doing tonight. This break I really haven't seen many of them, mostly because I've been a lazy bum who doesn't feel like picking up the phone and calling them. Planning things takes so much time.

At the beginning of the break I talked to James on IM and we were both talking about how bored we are. He mentioned how when he was a yuck he still had some friends left from high school, but now that he's a firstie he doesn't really have any of them left. Everyone, including himself, has changed so much and gone on to bigger and better things. He was telling me about how he misses school. The first week I'm home I miss school and all my friends there, but then by the second week I start to get used to life at home and it's time to go back. I guess that's how they plan it in the military. They give you just enough time to start to get comfertable where you are and then they tell you to move. At least I know what I'm getting into right now.

Christy just came online. That reminds me that Jen and I were going to get together over break. I haven't seen here since her, Christy, and I got together this summer. I hung out with Christy and some of her friends and family after the Army Navy game. They all had a fun time telling me how much Army sucks. I guess that's what I get for being friends with people at the Naval Academy.

This weekend I found out that Dan wants to do ROTC. I asked him if he'd ever thought about the Academies. He said Annapolis. At least it's not the Merchant Marine Academy. In the past two months I've found out the I know two guys there. One of them was at West Point recently and he called me to see if we could meet. We were supposed to meet out at the parking lot by the baseball field, but that fell through and we didn't get to see each other. I ended up seeing both of them very briefly at the airport when I was trying to get on a flight to get back to school after Thanksgiving. In fact, it was at the same gate that I sat across from Jeff Daniels for about half an hour. That was a horrible day in my life due to the fact that I'd missed my original flight. I hope that doesn't happen again on Sunday when I fly back to school.