Word to the wise. Never come over to my house looking for something to eat. If you do find something you want it most likely is past it's experation date and has gone bad.

Right now my legs feel pretty weird. It's like when I was a little kid and would spend all day running around outside. Then at night I would try and sleep, but my legs would hurt. Or maybe that was growing pains. Anyway, my legs just feel weird and I can't stand on them for very long with out feeling exhausted. It's amazing how a tiny virus can knock a person out. Hopefully I'll be fully recovered by tomorrow.

My parents went to see the Twin Towers tonight. They said it was a great movie. That's one of the movies on my list of movies to see while I'm home. So far I've only seen Analyze That. It was a pretty good movie, very funny.

For some reason my eyes are sore. Especially my left eye. It's kinda feels like something hit me in the eyes. That actually happened a few times. Freshman year I was playing catch with my friend Jamie after softball practice one day and she threw the ball when she was really close to me and I didn't have time to react and catch it. That was my first, and only, black eye. I think it was later that year when I noticed that the area around one of my eyes was pretty sore. It took me a little while to figure out that what probably happened was that during the night I rolled over and hit my face on the side of my bed. It was a loft bed and so there were wood boards about and inch or two higher than the mattress. Besides that minor fact, I really like that bed. It saved a lot of space in my room because I had space underneath it for my desk and a bookcase. Now I have a different bed so that can't be the reason. Ah well.

Wow. I'm tired, but yet I know I won't go to bed for at least another hour or two. At school I'd be worried about staying up this late, but at home this is early. Amazing how things change.

I miss Josh. I'll see him in a few days. Yay.

Right now I'm thinking about writing Matt and email telling him everything that I was going to tell him over the phone but haven't gotten a chance to. I don't know how much I want to tell him, if any. I don't know what is real and what is made up. Plus, if I do tell Matt, do I really want to know what his thoughts are on the whole thing? Hmm, maybe I should try calling him again.

Stomach flu sucks. Hannah and I were lucky enough to both get it yesterday. It made the 8 hour car ride back from NY seem even longer. Oh well, I'm better now and so I shouldn't complain. It was nice to see all of my uncles and my cousins on that side of the family again. The wedding was nice. For the most part I avoided doing a whole lot and spent the majority of the time at the hotel relaxing.

Josh called today. We talked for about 12 minutes. I'm pretty bored right now and wish I could call him, but he's probably not home.

My dad and I went shopping for a laptop for me. We found a Sony one that looks like it's a pretty good one. I probably end up getting that one or buying a more expensive Dell.

Annah called me on her new cell phone that she got for Christmas. That was a nice suprise. I also got to talk to Tia for a minute.

Frank and I were supposed to go out to dinner tonight, but since I don't have very much energy I was kinda hoping that he'd forget. I didn't call him to figure out where and when we were going to meet and thankfully he did forget. I called him around 9:30 just to talk and that's when he asked when we were going to get together. Once I reminded him that it was supposed to be tonight he felt pretty bad, but I told him not to worry about it because even if he had remembered I would've had to cancel on him. Now we're meeting for dinner on Friday.

I talked to Matt very briefly on the phone. He was busy with college applications. I hated those things. He's so busy right now that I don't think I'll get a chance to see him before I leave on Sunday.

Tomorrow is New Years Eve. Teresa invited me to a party at her house that I think I'll go to. Steph also invited me to one at her house, but I don't know if I'll go. If I do I probably won't stay very long because I won't know anyone there.

I've decided to post my stuff again for a while at least. We'll see how it goes. It's not quite like it was before, but right now I don't really care. I'm just glad that I have it up again and can share my thoughts.

Tomorrow, well, actually today in 5 hours, I head off to upstate NY for the weekend with my parents and my oldest sister, Heidi, for my Uncle Dave's wedding. I think most of the extended family will be there, so it should be a fun time...I hope. It was kinda weird not having Uncle Gary and his family over at Uncle Jim's house for Christmas. Ah well, Josh called and so my night ended happily.

Josh is, um, well today I called his house in NM and when his dad answered the phone and asked who I was I said I was a friend from school. That's about all I'll say on that one right now. Maybe later.

So far the break has been very uneventfull and dare I say, boring. A few days ago I was bored out of my mind. Today wasn't too bad. My dad gave me his really old laptop to use to practice using Python, and then Betsy and I made pretzels. I was going to call a few of my friends and try and go out tonight, but then I remembred that I have to get up at 5:30 tomorrow and I still need to pack and so I decided it'd be best to stay home tonight. Too bad it's 12:50 am right now and I still haven't packed. Oh well, at least I have clean laundry. That's a start. Plus, I know what books and CD's and taking in the car tomorrow.

It's amazing how things change over time. Friends, family, schools, grades, you name it. I've decided that I'm not going to come home again untill my break this summer, whenever that is. I'm such a nerd. I as I wrote that I was thinking about how it's bad grammer to end a sentence in a preposition, plus I'm always thinking about how I'm writting in the passive voice and using comma's in the completly wrong places. What makes it even worse is that detest english classes and grammer. Anyway, back to what I was talking about before. The only time that I could come home next semester would be for Presidents Day weekend. Hmm, that doesn't make much sense. It's Presidents Day, but yet it's a weekend. Augh! I'm thinking too much again. Once again, overly tired and thinking too much. Or perhaps it's that I'm not thinking, or that one part of my brain that keeps me from talking a lot has gone to sleep and so now I can't stop talking and am saying whatever pops into my head. Hmm, I go on tangents very easily. That just reminded me of math class and drawing lines tangent to the curve. Okay, I need Matt to tell me to stop thinking and talking right now. Back to the first topic of this paragraph. So I won't be home this semester and so I won't see my sisters at all. I doubt they really care either way. When I'm home I hardly see them, let alone have a real conversation with them. We're much more successful talking over the phone. Hopefully I'll find someone to go to the city with during the long weekends or something. Spring break I'm going with the Crew Team to train in Florida. Thankfully we talked Coach Hall out of making us go to Virginia Beach again. It'd be freezing there if we went this year.

Okay, It's past 1am now and I really should go pack. I figure that if I only get a little sleep tonight then I should sleep for most of the drive tomorrow. Don't worry, I'm not driving.

Gah! I hate not being able to writen in this thing and have people read it. So often I think if things I want to say and tell the world, but I can't. Other times I just want someone to be there and listen to me vent, but no one is there and the is nothing that I can do about it.

Right now I"m at home for Thanksgiving. I got home on Wednesday afternoon and go back tomorrow morning. It'd been great being away from school and seeing some of my old friends. On Wednesday evening I went out for coffee with Julia and then she cam over and we talked and reminiced for awhile. Thursday we had Thanksgiving at my house with lost of relatives. That night Steph and I went to see the newest Harry Potter movie. It must of been a popular night to see the movie because I saw Mark G., Marty, Sean, and one other guy I knew from Huron at the movie. On Friday I went shopping for new clothes and makeup. I'd been looking forward to that for awhile because my wardrobe was kinda high schoolish. I spent a lot of money, but am very happy with the results and have gotten many complements. Friday evening I went over to Becki's house, hung out with her, and ate dinner with her family. Then I went over to Mission Christ. Frank and I went out that evening and I told him to meet me there because I wanted to see Matt. Frank and I went for a walk and swung on the swings at the park by his old house. I saw Matt very briefly and then Frank and I went out for coffee downtown. I got home around midnight and decided to watch Men in Black II. It was better than I thought it'd be. Saturday morning Matt and I met at Denny's for a late Breakfast. The rest of today I spent mostly sitting around my house, baking gingerbread men cookies, and watching movies. I called Mark G. and we talked for a bit. I guess I was supposed to call Steph if I had any free time today so that we could do something, but there was some miscommunication there about who would call who, and I also didn't really feel like doing a whole lot today.

It's really nice knowing that I'll be back home in 18 and a butt days. I've been going over that a lot htis evening. There are only 2 Saturdays at school. One of them is Army Navy, and the other one is my first TEE. Hopefully the next 2 and a half weeks will fly by.

Last night I was really tired and thinking at the same time. Bad combination, I know, but I figure that there has to be some worth in what I think of at the time. Anyway, I was thinking about Matt and how we're always both so busy. I don't want to be a burden to him and make him feel like he has to see me or hang out with me when I'm home. He's one of my best friends, but more and more I'm wary of calling him or anything. He's alwasy so busy and I don't want to impede on him or get in the way of anything he has to do. I really do think of him as a brother.

I'm just about spent. This week has thrown at me just about everything that it can. Was it Shake Kate's World Up week?

I really like the song that James told me about a few days ago. The lyrics are pretty cool. I feel like they fit my life right now.

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your risin' sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is a way, that I say I need You
This is a way
This is a way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
These abundant skies
Yeah, abundant skies, yeah

This is a way that I say I need You
This is a way that I say I love You
This is a way that I say I'm Yours
This is a way

That I'm learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you and you alone can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
Yes I'm dying to breathe in
These abundant skies
These abundant skies, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm learning to breathe
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies
Hello, good morning, how you doin'?

-Switchfoot I'm learning to Breath-

It's very peaceful right now. Finally. Now I'm off to crew practice and the first annual Hudson Scramble race.

Big dilema. Keep writing, or try and delete everything and never write again on this blog. I guess this page is going around the corps now. Maybe I'll just keep writing, but leave out all the stuff on guys.

I deleted a paragraph of a post from last april, but google hasn't updated the pages it uses yet, and so it's still there. Computers can be so annoying sometimes.

Today for some reason I wasn't very hungry. At meals I would stare at my food a few minutes before making myself eat it. That's really weird for me, especially since breakfast and lunch were both meals I like. Okay, so I probably ate about the same amount as a female college student at some other college, but for me, I didn't eat very much, especially with crew practice thrown in there. Right now I'm feeling the effects of it. Ah well. It's all good.

This morning it was amazing, I actually was happy when I woke up, at that was at 5:50am. And that's not all, I was looking forward to getting out of bed! Of course, half of me was still tired and wanted to sleep a little more, so I stayed in bed for a few minutes past when my alarm went off at 6:01am. I had that feeling like I used to get at Christmas. The one where I'm so excited and happy and can't wait to get up and run downstairs with Heidi and Besty, turn on the tree lights, open our stocking, and count all of our presents. It definetly a wierd thing to feel at West Point, but I don't mind. I'm hoping that this happy mood lasts. I even managed to make it through spanish today and didn't even feel tired once. What is going on? The only bad part is that I keep thinking back to beast where if I was happy or comfertable for a moment, i knew it was all going to change again real soon and be even worse then before. It was like walking on egg shells.

Ah well, I'll enjoy the moment.

Wow! Today's been a day of unexpected things. I guess it makes up for yesterday. The first thing was that the physics quiz was a group quiz and I think we did okay on it. Then, the math quiz that at first I thought I aced, and then thought I failed, Igot back and got a 87% on it. The next good thing was the practice today was only a Dyno test and then a 3 mile run to Lee Gate and back.

Ah yes, and the last good thing about today is that I"m not an Air Force exchange Cadet. At least two of them have had their furniture moved outside and set up in the middle of central area, or on the porch roof of Scott Barraks. That really sucks for them,especially since it started drizzeling later on. I hope they had their stuff moved back in by then.

Go Army! Beat Chair Force!...I mean, Air Force!

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that the Army Chief of Staff, or somebody, was at the boathouse yesterday. Mindy ran around reminding everybody to be polite and use "sir". The atmosphere at the boathouse is a lot more relaxed, but it's not so relaxed that we'd forget that basic stuff. At lunch today there were a bunch of White House Fellows. Alyson said that the person at her table went around asking what everybody planned to do in the Army. Tucker told him about how he's getting kicked out for sexual misconduct. Anyway, it was a funny story when she told it to me.

Some days are just bad days. I'm not sure if this was a bad day or not so I'll just start describing it and go from there. I was working on my econ spreadsheet this afternoon and realized that the spreadsheet and the memorandum had different times that they were due. I had assumed that they were both due at 4:30 this afternoon, but as it turns out the spreadsheet part was actually due at 7:30 this morning. That was the major thing that went wrong today. When I found out I immediatly emailed it to CPT Morgan, my teacher, and described how I hadn't paid attention to detail. I'm guessing I'll be marked as having turned it in a day late. The rest of the afternoon was spent with my feeling like kicking myself in the face.

I just spent too much time talking on IM to James and to Betsy. So much for talking about my day. Maybe later.

-They took my brain out of my head, beat it with a meat tenderizer and then made it into hamburger.
-Shoot me in the face!
-BOHICA
--My thoughts on the econ spreadsheet project

"Shoot me in the face" and "BOHICA" were commen phrases during first detail of Buckner, aka Buck-Nam or Buckghanistan. "Shoot me in the face" was first said by an NCO who was teaching us how to set up a claymore mine. It stems from "shoot 'em in the face" which I think was to remind us to position the claymore so that it detonated towards the enemy. "BOHICA" is an acronym for "Bend Over Here It Comes Again" reffereing to any seemingly pointless or stupid thing that we had to do during Buckner. An example being...hmmm, it seems I've blocked most of them out of my mind. I guess it was too traumatic.

Ah yes, the joy of lower back/butt pain. I think crew is slowly ruining my back. Hopefully it's not long term or anything. It seems to be only on the left side and somewhat deep inside. It's more of a sharp pain only when I move. As I told Alyson, we're no longer on the water and so hopefully the pain will either go away or just even out since I won't be leaning to port all the time anymore.

Yesterday was a good regatta for Army Crew. We medaled in almost every race we entered. My boat finished fifth out of around twenty in our race and the top five got medals. I was really hoping for first and so I was kinda dissapointed, but I guess it's better than nothing. During the race I thought we were doing really well because we pulled really far away from the boats behind us and then we passed a boat ahead of us. Oh well.

Last night I talked to Frank, Steph, my parents, and Betsy on the phone. I'm so happy for Steph because she just joined the Air Force. She reports to basic in Texas in March. I think it'll be an awesome experiance for her. Betsy's moving home and bringing Asher, her rabbit, with her. Mom sent me some pictures of Asher and Berry together. I can't wait to see them at Thanksgiving. Asher is so cute. I wish that I could see Besty longer at Thanksgiving, but she's going to go visit a convent in NYC the day after Thanksgiving. It figures, I come home from NY and she leaves for NY. I told her that we have to spend a lot of time together during Christmas. Frank, as usual, needs sleep. I feel like I'm getting more sleep here than most of my friends at home do. Perhaps I'm just better adjusted to a lack of adaquate sleep.

On the way back to West Point I talked to Annah about my feelings about the Army and West Point. Before I came here I thought that I'd stay in the Army and wouldn't do the five-and-fly option, but now I'm really questioning that. Sometimes I think I'm too idealisic and buy into things too easily. I expected West Point to really be the best of the best and the everybody in the Army to exemplify the Army Values. I have way to many thoughts swimming around in my head right now and their all crashing into each other. I want to graduate from West Point, be an officer in the Army, work for the NSA, marry, have kids, be happy. Right now I want it to be Thanksgiving. Only
23 and a butt days until I go home. That actually sounds okay.

I also talked to Annah a little about guys, notably the absence of one right now. I haven't really liked anyone in a few months and although it's been nice most of the time, occasionally I wonder if there will ever be anyone out there. Is there a nice guy out there? Anway, Annah offered to introduce me to Paul. She says he's a nice guy and Beth said that she could see us together. I've never really talked to Paul, but I've hung out with Annah a couple times when he's been around. He seems like a nice guy. Paul, however, likes Annah although Annah does not feel the same way about him. I do want her to introduce me to him, but I don't know if she'll remeber, plus I have no clue what'd I'd say after "Hi". Besides, Paul likes Annah as I already said. Then, I keep remembering about how in high school I kinda hooked Frank up with Sarah only to realize that I liked Frank. What if, on an off chance, somethine miraceoulsy did happen and then Annah realized that she liked Paul. I would never want someone to feel the same way I did sophmore year. Basically, I want something to happen, but I'm coming up with reasons why it shouldn't and why I should just forget the whole thing. I think I'm in the self-protect mode again. My solution is to leave it up to Annah. If she wants to introduce us then she can, if not, then fine.

Hmm, I make my life really complicated sometimes. Why?

I just got back. It's late. I'm going to bed. Why am I even up typing this? I don't know.

I bought new running shoes today at the c-store. They're Addidas Sonva Cushion M. Not great, but they were the best ones I could find out of a very limited selection. What I really wanted were New Balance. My old running shoes were New Balance and they served me pretty well, but I didn't like the fact that they were trail running shoes. I got them about five months ago and Buckner and Crew have really taken their toll on them. The rubber on the bottom of the shoe is all worn away in some spots and the cushioning and shock absorption is almost all the way gone. I don't think I've ever destroyed a pair of shoes this fast just from working out in them. When I was little I destroyed many shoes pretty quickyly, but that was because I would play in mud and stuff. Anyway, I don't expect this new pair of shoes to last very long or even be extremely comfertable. I just needed something to get me to Christmas when I can actually buy another good pair of shoes.

Tomorrow I have one class all day. It's physics first hour and then I'm done. That's because I have a Calc drop and then am leaving at 1245 with the crew team to go to Washington DC for the race on Saturday. Normaly I have econ last hour on Day 1's, but I get to miss it tomorrow. Yay! The huge spreadsheet project is going along pretty well and I'm hoping that I won't have to stay up late Sunday night working on it.

Coach finally told us the results from last weekend. My boat finished 3rd in the JV boats. I don't know what our place was overall. The A boat did come in fourth which is totally awesome. This weekend I'm back rowing in the four. DCA hasn't even ordered the quad yet. It's pretty frustrating because we know that the boat is ready for us to pick up the moment they put in the order, but we're not allowed to get the boat before it's even ordered. Coach Hall said that it looks like it'll be a pretty good race and we have a good shot at coming out on top. Last year at the Occaquan my boat, a novice eight, came in second. Then, Coach suprised four of us and told us that we were rowing again in a varsity four race. I think in that race my boat came in 11th out of 20-some. This year I was going to row in the four and the quad, but since we don't have the quad we're only rowing the four. I'm kinda sad, but also glad that I only have to row six miles instead of twelve on saturday.

I wish that we could stay in Washington DC a little longer and go look around. I haven't really done that since Junior Year of high school at NYLF and then the Naval Academy Summer Seminar. Beth is probably really sick of Washington DC, but that's because she grew up there. Both her parents retired as LTC's in the military and I think at one point they both worked in the Pentagon so she actually spent many saturdays when she was little rollerskating inside the Pentagon on weekends while they worked. That sounds kinda cool, but musta sucked for her after awhile because she couldn't go play with her friends at home.

Now that I've broken 8 min and know I can do it I need to work on improving my time even more. I want to get under 7:45. Maybe then Coach will notice me once again. It's been very humbling going from stroking the novice A boat last year to being in the forgotten four this year. I think Coach Hall might think that I have a really big ego or something. The truth is that he kinda scares me and I feel inferior compared to a lot of the rowers on the team so I don't talk a lot. Today during the briefing I thought of a new goal for myself. I want to be the stroke of the varsity A boat that wins Dade Vails my firstie year. In order to do that I need to step up my almost non-existant personal workouts by lifting and running more. Besides, I need to get in shape in case I go to Airborne school this coming summer. It'd also be great if I lowered my body fat percentage. I don't know what it's at right now, but I'm guessing it's higher that it should be.

More on that later. Time for bed. Yay. Bed. good stuff.

I BROKE 8 MINUTES!!!!!

For the past few days I've had the feeling that if I rowed a 2k on the erg that I finally break 8 min. That's been my goal since last fall and there have been a few times when I've been really close, like one tenth of a second one time, but I could never seem to break it. On Monday I decided that this week I wanted to try again and so I decided that I would on Tuesday before practice, but then on Tuesday I was talking to Leah and she said that on Wednesday Coach was going to have us all row a 2k with the us being coxed. Today I had the feeling that today was the day. Ann was the coxswain for Beth, Abby, Molly, and I. This time was a little different because we were supposed to row it like a race and she would call power 10's and 20's at the different points. I started out a little too fast with the first 20 strokes, in fact I think I saw a 1:41 split time reading very briefly. That was one of the hardest 2k's I've ever rowed, but mentally it was a lot better. I was expecting around a 7:58 or higher time for the piece, but when I was done and looked at my score I saw a 7:52.1 staring at me. It was awesome. Of course, physically I felt like crap, but I also felt like shouting for joy. I didn't mind the fact that I felt like throwing up, was about to fall over when I stood up, and my throat was on fire. I was just happy that I'd finally broken 8 min.

Yes, I am listening to Christmas music right now. I love Christmas and the period leading up to it. I know it's still a long ways off, but the music makes me happy and peaceful. Plus, it snowed today which makes it even better. Okay, so it was only around three flakes which I didnt' even see, but that doesn't matter. It still snowed. James was complaining about it and saying that he wants to temp to go back up to 80 degrees while I was saying how happy I was that it snowed. I guess that's the difference between people from Michigan and people from Texas. I'm happy with every season because I'm used to them all.

Speaking of feeling peaceful, I was at Bible study today and was thinking about how peacefull I felt there. It reminded me a lot of my Church youth group in middle school and high school. I loved the youth group because the people were so special to me and I looked up to them because I was usually the youngest. I didn't talk a whole lot at the meetings, but when I did speak they would listen. The retreats were something I actually looked forward to in the winter. I didn't care for the actual talks on Luther's Small Catachism and stuff, but what I really enjoyed was the rest of the time we had to spend together. The first few years there was a battle between the girls and the guys over spray bottles with water in them. We would each try and steal them from the other team. Going into a guys room wasn't allowed, but we still managed to find ways, usually in the middle of the night, to sneak around and steal them from the guys. I thought that the different youth group leaders, Mike M., Mike S., Lisa, and Susan were some of the coolest people I knew and I really respected them and looked up to them. I loved being around Anna, Jen, Teresa, Donny, Carla, and everybody else. When I was in high school I really like youth group because it was fun being the only girl and I liked hanging out with Matt, Dan, Joe, James, and everyone. I really looked forward to going to Church because I could see all of them. They are all really special to me.

It's amazing! Frank and I actually talked on the phone tonight. The first game of phone/email tag came to an end. We talked for about 45 min. He's doing well, needs sleep, but that goes for just about everyone. I'm really glad that we're talking a lot more again. He's a great guy. Christian, nice, easy to talk to, we both share about the same morals. That is why I want to become better friends with him.

Today I was thinking (i know, me thinking means you should run for your life) about this blog/journal/whatever. Recently I've noticed that I'm watching what I write because of what someone might think. It's not that what I want to write is anything bad or would get anyone in trouble, it's just that someone might take it too literaly or think that my writing is sloppy and I sound stupid, or take something personally that was actually just one of my random thoughts about the world. I don't like the fact that I'm doing that. When I started writing this I told myself that it'd be the one spot where I wounldn't care what other people thought. It was my place to write whatever I wanted and vent. Now I'm putting constraints on my venting and I want to stop doing that. I don't want other people to influance what I do or don't write about. I want people to read my page because it helps me be write and I think it gives them to see the side of me that has a lot to say. I like knowing what other people think about what I write and what their opinions are, but I don't want that to influance me. I need this to be my free space to vent and say some crazy stuff because I can't do it anywhere else. Therefore, I'm going to do my best to write about whatever again. In a way, I feel kinda like I'm being selfish because my main purpose of this page is for My life and other random thoughts and I'm not using it to respond to my friends. I see the comments section as the part where I can step out and talk to them personally.

Crap, it's getting late and that's why I'm rambleing on.

Yesterday I had to vote on a new uniform for West Point. It's the "civilian" uniform. Usually, when I think of civilian clothes I think of the absence of uniforms. The word to me implies freedom. The uniform that the Comm had us vote on was a polo shirt, kahki pants, brown belt, and brown leather shoes. It looks very preppy. This would be what we'd be required to wear to optional dinners, the PX, the bowling alley, and basically time that we're not in the duty uniform or the seasonal uniform. General Brooks wants this because he thinks we're wearing gym-A too much. It's the most comfertable uniform and so everybody changes into it the first chance they get. If the uniform change is approved then we'd only be allowed to wear it when we're actually working out or at practice. Everyone just loves the new Comm.

The only thing that I can think of to compare to what I am feeling right now is the second 500m in a 2k race. The 2k represents the four years at West Point and the second 500m is more specifically Yuck year. To be rather blunt, it sucks. In a 2k race the first 500m go by rather quickly and the pain of the race has not started to set in yet because adrenaline is pumping through the body. Sure, you're really nervous and feel like throwing up while you sit at the starting line and wait for the officals to count down, but then you finally start and everything becomes a blur as there's a rush of adrenaline. You're only thought is passing a boat and not getting passed. Before you know it you're done with the first 500m. As you reach the 1500m mark of the race you realize that you've only gone 500m and are not even half way done. The adrenaline rush starts to fade away and the pain starts to set in as the long haul begins. It doesn't help trying to focus on the finish because it's too far away and only serves to lessen the motivation to row. You think "this is taking forever and we're getting nowhere. Would it really be that bad if I just happend to fall out of the boat right now? What would happen if I just stopped rowing?" You, of course, keep rowing but only for the sheer fact that you don't want to screw over your teammates. Besides, you know deep down that if you quit right now you'd regret it later when the other boats finished. The 3rd 500m is only a little better because at least now you can say that you're in the 3 digits instead of 4. You're still thinking "why do I do this to myself? I never want to row again." The end is looking a little closer, but it doesn't help to think about the fact that you're half way done because the thought "Crap! It took that long to row the first 1000m and I still have 1000m more to go." Once you get to the last 500m you're almost done and there's another surge of adrenaline. It is the most painful part of the race, but you don't really care because you're almost done and the harder you row the sooner it will all be over. Then you hit the finish line and collapse, but feel a tremendous amount of accomplishment having survived the race and stuck with it.

As I said before, that is what West Point feels like. Plebe year you're focused on avoiding the upperclassmen and surviving to yuck year. It sucks, but since you're mainly focused on the present and being prepared for the next time someone asks you a piece of knowledge it all goes by rather quickly. Then comes Yearling Year. Plebe year you thought it'd be great to be a Yuck and were sure that all of the yearlings who were saying that it sucked were just trying to scare you. Now you realize that they were telling the truth. Graduation seems ages away and all of your P's seem to be ganging up on you. You're still only taking the required courses and haven't started you're major yet and so classes can be rather tedious and boring. The theme of the year seems to be "blame it on the yucks." You think "what am I getting myself into? I have 2 more years of this still and then at least 5 more after that. Do I really want to do this? Am I happy?" Cow year you at least have started your major and are probably realizing that when the cows last year said "you're an idiot if you major in __" but you still do anyways, you should have listened to them. Firstie year finally comes and all you can think about is how many days there are untill graduation for the class of __. It's so close that you can almost taste it. Soon this will all be over and you know that what you've heard is true; the moment you through you're cover into the air at graduation really is the best momement of your life up to that point. Right now, however, you just have to keep pulling through the pain.

The general consesus is that my glasses make me look smarter. Perhaps I'll start wearing them instead of my contacts occasionally. For some really odd reason I have a lot more left eye contacts remaining than I have right eye contacts. It's not like I only wear one contact sometimes.

Today I was able to get a lot of sleep. I love daylight savings time. It makes everything so spiffy.

Okay, so I have this friend who was practically my best friend the first few years of high school. Then, stuff got wierd, we didn't talk as much, etc, but still remained good friends. Fast forward to the present. A few weeks ago I decided that I wanted to start over because I didn't want to lose him. We started talking a lot more and it's really enjoyable. It's like nothing ever happened. Well, it is a little different. We've both grown up some. What I'm scared of is that we'll get too close, or one of us will feel like we're becoming too close and it'll all blow up again.

Right now I'm updating this from Annah's computer while she forces me to eat all for her food that she didnt' eat. That being Ben and Jerry's icecream and fritos. I don't think I can eat all of it along with my sub and my coffee and so I'm making Tia eat some.

I just wrote a kinda long post about my day, but when I tried to post it the computer lost it.

YAY! Daylight savings time. More time to sleep tonight. Gotta love it.

YAY! Annah got me a grey sweatshirt blanket for my birthday. This is awesome because now I have one for sleeping with back in the barracks and one to take on crew trips. That is, one nice one (the one Annah got for me of course), and one that I can get all dirty and dingy by carrying it all over the place.

Remember this? Days of our Cadet Lives. That was a while ago, but yet again, so recent.

The weekly scrounge for quarters continues. I have nine right now and then two one dollar bills in my wallet. If the coin machine is working I should have enough to do laundry.

Frank is It in the game of phone tag we have going this week.

Today was one of those days where I questioned if I'm pushing myself hard enough and felt like I'm not a good team leader, student, athlete, etc. I keep comparing myself to my friends and classmates here, which I know I shouldn't do. It's just so hard not to, especially when I'm always around them. Most of my friends are at the top of the class and seem to have straight A's in the advanced classes while I'm earning mostly B's in the regular courses. I don't spend the time on my classes that I should and that frustrates me, but yet I can't seem to find the motivation and self-disipline to put a lot of effort into the classes. I want to have straight A's, but when I make B's from doing minimal work I keep telling myself that's okay. I feel as though I'm below average.

Yesterday's dinner with Dr. Narverson went pretty well. I sat pretty close to him at the table and so was able to pay attention to what he was saying. Instead of talking about the topics of pacifisim and Just war like I thought he would, he instead focused mainly on Kant and his work The Metaphysics of Morals. There was an airforce cadet next to me who kept telling me that she was completly clueless about what he was talking about, but I found that if I actually listened closely I understood a lot of it. However, it wasn't that interesting. I don't like moral theory or any english type class for that matter. Give me logic and math any day and I'll be happy. The lecture that Dr. Naverson gave to all of the cadets in philosophy followed along exactly with the paper he wrote that we were supposed to read before hand. I'd read over it about twice because that's what I though he'd talk about at dinner, and so by the time the lecture came around I was thourghly bored, but was able to show Amaka, Rachel, and Abby how much time we had left in the lecture by pointing out exactly where he was in the paper. As James later wrote about it "it was an hour of my life wasted."

Today I finally got off my butt and started working on a solution to my being a crappy team leader. I haven't been spending the time on FCDT that I should and it's been boring, but today I came up with an idea that should make FCDT more interesting and helpfull for both Bowlby and myself. Over the next few weeks we're going to discuss OPORDER's, FRAGO's, different branches, different tactical equipment, and other such things as they relate to him planning a spirit mission and writing an OPORDER for it. Once this is done I'll get it approved and he'll carry it out.

I think I'm actually getting a little stronger with rowing. The other day I beat both Kathy and Tia and tied with Trish at 322lbs for the leg press thing on the Dyno's. With weight machines at Arvin I'm only at 360 lbs on the leg press, but hopefully if I work out there more frequently I can increase it to past 400.

This weekend I'm rowing in the B eight boat because our four accidently didn't get entered in the race. My boat is racing the A boat, two of the Canadian National team boats, plus everyone else entered in the same race. This week we've made vast improvements in our rowing ability. Our average 500m split came down to around a 1:55 and on power 10's we're getting down around 1:45. I'm happy because I'm starting to push myself a lot more out on the water. At first it sucks, but then I start to like the suck and keep pulling harder. My biggest weakness is that I rush the slide on the recovery. One thing I'm working on is completely relaxing during the recovery and then having a really fast leg movment after the catch.

That was close. Last night I told Kyle that I'd take the Q for him 3rd hour today because he had a quiz he needed to take and I the last 3 hours off this morning. Walking back from physics I realized that I really needed sleep. Some things that clued me into this were the fact that during class I couldn't sit still and recently I've noticed myslef getting a little more irritable. It's like I'm a little kid again who is exhausted. Anyway, I decided to take a 30 min nap right after class and then I would have 20 min left before I had to take the Q. The nap was great, but when my alarm went off I did something I never do. I decided to go back to sleep for 10 more min and I didn't set my alarm. That is a major mistake many people here make and end up paying for on the weekends with hours. Alyson came back from class and I realized that I'd actually gone to sleep and it was now 25 min later instead of only 10. I jumped out of bed, tucked in my shirt, put on my neck tab, and raced down the hall to the CCQ desk. Amazingly, Kyle had just signed out a minute before that and then on the next line put "CDT **** assumes duty" and left the time blank. I signed in and since it was only a minute later nothing was unusual. I almost screwed him over by being asleep because if Alyson had not come back from class and I had woken up later the time difference would be very large and might have ended up in hours for both of us. I just realized I still have the key to unlock the safe that holds all of the keys. Oops.

I had a great birthday yesterday and was very glad that I didn't get a birthday party from the plebes even though the cow on CCQ was trying to get them to give me one. My parents bought me a remote control car which I actually got on Monday and so it kept me amused that night while I was on CCQ. They also bought me a Sonicare toothbrush and had balloons and a big frosted cookie thing sent to my room. The CCQ had to deliver those and that's why he was pushing for the birhtday party. The toothbrush is awesome and I've brushed my teeth almost 10 times today. Okay, maybe not that many, but it's still a lot and Amaka makes fun of me for it.

Augh! It's way too late for me to be up. I need to get to bed or else I'll be a goner in physics tomorrow.

MAJ Farmer baked cupcakes for my math class today because it's my B-day. At the beginning of the year we all had to fill out a bio sheet and now whenever it's someone's birthday he bakes cupcakes. That person has to come up to the front of the class and do pushups while everyone sings happy birthday to them and then we all get to have a cupcake. It sounds a little childish, but it's a lot of fun and everybody enjoys it. They were yummy.

Heute ist mein Geburtstag. Jetzt bin ich neunzehn Jahre alt. Weisst du was ich sagen? Ich habe nicht Deutsch sprachen in ein langes zeit.

I think I just butchered that to pieces. Oh well, I tried.

That rules! Haircut inspection didn't happen this morning because it was too dark out. Instead, they sent us right into the mess hall and we actualy got to eat and leave early. My day starts off on a good note.

I never want to be even slightly intoxicated in front of my subordinates. 21 Oct was the 21st b-day of someone in my company and she came back this evening very drunk. Since I was on CCQ I saw her as she tried to walk down the hall with the support of a good friend of hers and still managed to fall down at least four times. It was very funny to watch, but she's in my chain of command and although I understand that it's basically a 21st birthday tradition for most people, for some reason I was very sad to see it. A few plebes came by the ccq desk for something and saw her trying to walk down the hall. I tried to hurry them out of there as fast as possible. What I really wanted to do was prevent them from seeing anything, but that wasn't possible. Yes, drinking is a very prevelant aspect of most college life, but I feel that when a person sees a member of their chain of command, or anybody that they have respect for, drunk and looking like and idiot they lose some respect and will to follow that person. Maybe I'm too idealistic, and perhaps I'm expecting too much, but I want someone to be able to look up their chain of command and other people they respect and be able to say that those people exemplify what right looks like 100% of the time. Yes, there is some room for forgiving and forgetting, but right now I'm not sure where that line is for me. In my eyes my military and physical, and perhaps academic standards are not high enough and that bugs me. I think I have good morals, but don't want to push them on anybody. I do not drink, but am okay with going out with friends who do drink.

Why are drinking and smoking such a big deal to me? I don't understand why I have such a strong stance against myself doing either of them. This weekend I went to my first college party at BU and found the purpose behind it rather stupid. I had fun hanging out with my friends, but what's the point of haveing a party centered around some liquid that makes people act stupid and do things they'll regret. All the secondhand smoke also gave me a headache. I see no problem with something like a glass of wine at dinner or drinking beer when watching a game, but I find it revolting when the drinking is done to such an extreme that it impairs someone, especially when they do it on purpose. Does that make me really weird? I'm scared that my friends won't invite me anywhere because I don't drink, but I have fun in my own way. Perhaps I feel so strongly about all of this because I made it a goal to not drink until I'm 21 and to never smoke. Since I'm very goal oriented and very competitive it all comes out in my trying to achieve this.

Good news, I finished my essay. Now I have to study for my spanish writ tomorrow morning.

CCQ tomorrow. Yuck. That means I get to sit at a desk all day and do nothing instead of going to classes and stuff. When I was a plebe I thought'd it be cool. Now as a yuk I know better. Oh well. All's fair in love and war. Okay that was random, but I'm tired and prone to random comments when I'm tried.

Frank emailed me today and said he'd call tomorrow (that being today becaue it's 12:12am right now). I have to email him sometime and tell him I won't be able to talk tomorrow becaue of CCQ.


Funny stuff. Amaka sent me this. He was in my Company last year before he graduated and is now a 2nd LT. It provided a good laugh for the night.

CCQ = Cadet in Charge of Quarters. aka Company Slave for the day.

Right now I'm in the painfull proccess of writing an essay on whether US lawmakers should obey John Stuart Mill's Harm Principle when they make legislative policies. The stance I'm taking in the essay is that they should not obey the Harm Principle, but I'm finding it hard to come up with reasons why there should be laws against victimless crimes. In the long run most crimes aren't victimless, but how do I prove that? Maybe I'm on the totaly wrong track and should try and formulate this argument differently, but I can't seem to figure out how. I've been working on this for a few days and it's due tomorrow. I'll figure out something, but it may take a while.

This weekend was a lot of fun. We stayed at Franny's house which was really cool. Her Mom did an awesome job decorating it. The also had an indoor pool and so Tia and I went swimming in gym-A on Saturday evening. Our main source of entertainment was trying to throw balls at each other and see who could hit the other person the most. Saturday was spent hanging out around MIT and spending time in their boat house. The race went pretty well. Army came in 9th out of 36 boats, but they had a really strong head wind to row against that the teams that won didn't have, so that caused them to have a slower time.

I tried to work on homework as much as possible because this week is looks like another Thayer Week. In fact, I kind of wanted to stay back at the house Saturday and do homework, but then I realized that although that would be helpfull academically, I needed to do something else. Sad to say, but I kind of had to force myself to go out. One of my friends on the team said that she had a friend who goes to Boston U. who she was going to meet up with that night and that some of the other girls were coming along and they were all probably going to go jean shopping. I decided to go out with them and we procceded to make many wrong turns in our way into Boston. It was a fun night, but made me think a lot. At one point there was a heated argument between some of my friends and a few college guys about war and the military. Everyone was shouting out their opinion and at one point I wanted to add in, but realized it'd be pointless because nobody was really listening to the other person and they were all just yelling out what they thought. After we left we were talking about it and the main thing we were so mad about was the fact that we fight for their freedom to critisize the US and the military and that they don't appreciate it. It just comes with the life, but it's not easy to accept.

There were still lots of stars out this morning during breakfast formation, and I'm not talking about the brass kind either. On my way to physics Reveille started playing and so I had to turn around, stand at attention, and salute the flag until it was over. It plays at 6:30am every day. It wasn't cool to hear it on my way to class because it was just one more reminder that I was still half-asleep.

Yay! PMI today for the upper three classes. For some reason the CO decided that the plebes should still be in AMI. I don't think their parents are allowed into the barracks untill tomorrow afternoon, so there's really no point in making them stay in AMI. I doubt any of them care a whole lot because their probably too excited to sleep.

Still no word on whether I can use a laptop this weekend. Das ist schlect.

I'm losing my balance. A few weeks ago at a football game I was standing on the bleachers with the rest of the corps and I almost fell off them a couple of times. That's actually how I got to know James. He kept looking at me and laughing when I would lose my balance. Today on the way to spanish I was walking with Amaka and I tripped while going up the stairs. Then, later when I walking down the stairs on my way to calc and I was once again talking to Amaka and James, Jason, and Amber (first sgt) were walking in front of us and I was half talking to James at the same time. Somehow I managed to trip and fell face forward down the stairs. Although I was okay and laughing, my loud "Holy Crap" as I fell alerted everyone around me to look at me and I was rather embarrased. The worst part was that I had just put on one of the pairs of shoes that I shined last night, and the fall totally ruined all of my work. I had to go to class and lunch formation looking very ate up because I didn't have time to change them.

Tomorrow Plebe Parent Weekend begins and so there's a compressed class schedule. Breakfast formation is at 5:50am and then my first class, physics, starts at 6:40 and goes untill 7:30. There's a phase-line writ tomorrow and I'm afraid I won't do very well on it. I also have a calc quiz tomorrow which I need to study for. Since I have formation for the trip to Boston at 12:45 I asked CPT Morgan if I could attend an early econ class tomorrow. He said that I could come in E-hour instead of my normal F-hour. That makes my last class end at 11:30 instead of 12:30 which is nice because I'll need that extra time to pack and hopefully pick up the laptop I requested for the trip. I have a philosophy paper and an econ excel tutorial to work on while I'm gone.

It's kinda nice to be going on a crew trip and not haveing to race, but I also wish that I rowed in the A-boat instead of the four. I still love rowing the quad, but I'm jealous of the A-boat. They are doing really well and are obviously MAJ Hall's favorite. The A-boat is the only boat racing this weekend. I'm going to support them, and because I didn't want to use my last pass up. For some stupid reason they decided to my PPW a chargeable pass for the upperclassmen. That means that there will be more upperclassmen hanging around because they didn't want to use a pass up this weekend. Last year there were two or three upperclassmen in my company who didn't leave for one reason or another. Even though they weren't allowed to talk to us or anything I still felt uncomfertable with them around and felt like it detracted from the whole plebe freedom of the weekend. What's up with the uniform being As For Class tomorrow instead of BDU's? It's a Friday before a football game plus I remember wearing BDU's last year on this day. The Corps has...

That just made my day! This was turning into a rather crappy night because I had to do laundry and I didn't have enough quarters, the change machine was out of money, the elevator was acting up and taking forever (at night I'm too lazy to climb up and down 6 flights of stairs every 20 min and I go up and down them 10 million times during the day), and then when I got back to the laundry room I found someone had just taken my washer the minute before I got there and so I had to wait for another one to free up, plus the candy machine ate my money. Anyway, I got back to my room and was watching tv / doing homework (okay, so it's not really possible for me to do both at the same time, but I tell myself that I can) when I recieved an email. I was almost about to delete it thinking it was spam, but opened it first and found a gift certificate to Amazon.com from S. Woods as a birthday gift. It was totally unexpected and very cool. Today I was just thinking about how I've read just about all of the books I have here and need some new ones. Thank you!

Now I have to get back to my laundry. Back down to the basement I go.

Tired. Very tired. I hope I don't fall asleep in class.

SHIBIDIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good news, we didn't have to go out on the water today because the weather was horrid, the current was really fast, and there were white caps. Instead, we rowed in the tanks for 30 min and then had to pull a 6k on the erg. Coach Hall said that we didn't have to row it very hard or try to get our best time and so I was planning to take at easy. That didn't last long for me. Actually, I was more focused on correcting my technique and so I had flipped down the timer thing, but then when I looked at it I realized I was doing pretty well and so I tried even harder to do better and ended up getting my best time. It was only a 25:58.9 min, but it was I think at least 10 seconds better than my last one and my goal had been to break 26 min. Now if I could only break 8 min on the 2k. I pulled one yesterday before practice and my time was back up to a 8:03.6 min.

I got my math wpr back today. Yesterday I found out I got an 85.33% on it, which was above the 72% course average and 80% section average, but I know I could've done better. When I got it back I looked at one of the problems that I had blanked on during the test and did it in about 2 sec. Augh! It's very annoying knowing that if I had just set the y-portion of the velocity vector equal to zero and then solved for time and the substitued the time into the x-portion of the position vector I could've solved it correctly and gotten an A- on the wpr instead of a B.

Tonight I called Frank and was going to shine my shoes while talking on the phone, but he wasn't home. My shoes needed shining and so I decided to listen to some Adventures in Odyssey. In middle school I used to borrow the tapes from Amy and loved listening to them, but haven't listened to the show in years. It was interesting hearing it again, but I enjoyed it a lot more when I was younger. I do have two pairs of really shiny low quarters now :)

Yet another cold, grey, rainy day here, and the real grey period hasn't even started yet. The grey period lasts from Christmas to spring break. Grey sky, river, buildings, uniforms, snow,etc...everything is grey, including the mood. I guess this is a mini grey period that lasts until Thanksgiving. Of course, the plebes have Plebe Parent Weekend to look forward to in a few days. After Thanksgiving it'll be awesome. The week we come back is Army-Navy week which is the best week here practically (well, besides TEE week, which is fun in a whole different way). There are drop zones, BDU's all week, beating up the midshipman (hehehe, there's one in my company this year), and then the game on Saturday. The week after that is the last week of classes, which will probably be full of projects and papers, but at least the end is near. After that week is TEE week. My first TEE is on Saturday, and then I have one TEE in the afternoon on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday I have my last TEE in the morning. TEE week is cool because nobody cares about anything military. Rooms are a mess, you can sleep half the day if you want to because the only required things are breakfast formation and taking your TEE, and then at night everybody hangs out there windows yelling and throwing the occasional textbook, printer, or other such things out while watching whatever stunts are going on in the area. It's a fun time, all except for the part where you have to take a three hour term end exam. Of course, there's a nasty rumor going around the the Comm is madating that nobody can leave untill the next day after their last TEE, and it looks like it's true. The Corps is in a uproar about it. Anyway, if I can last untill Thanksgiving everything will be okay. Luckily I have Boston this weekend, my birthday next week, a regatta for the next two weekends after that, Airforce week, and Veterans Day weekend to help me pass the time. I've been staring at my calander a lot in class thinking about all of this stuff over and over again.

My philosophy professor nominated two other students and myself from his sections for a chance to attend a dinner with Dr. Jan Narveson---a famous ethicist who has written much on just war theory. Later that evening he'll be giving a lecture to all of the PY201 students. Dr. Tramel said that he selected us based on our writing and/or discussion performance. I have no idea why he nomitated me. I hardley speak at all in class, and on the in class essay I recieved a B++ (no, I don't understand what the extra '+' is for). Kinda odd.

That was a vey whiny post. Time to look on the bright side. Some people are not as lucky as me. I have an awesome family, great friends, and go to a really good school. My tiny complaints don't compare to what a lot of people have to deal with everyday. Now time for homework and possibly email Frank. Back to work.

My birthday is a week from tomorrow. When I was little I got really excited about my birthday and celebrating it with my family. Now I don't know if I will ever have a real birthday celebration with my family again. Junior year I was in Washington DC for the National Youth Leadership Forum on my Birthday. Last year PPW was the weekend before my birthday so I at least got to see my Parents and Heidi the day before, but my actual birthday was spent with me eating the brownies with my roomies. This year won't be any better. I miss having a birthday dinner with my family. I'm trying to keep my Birthday quiet so that the plebes don't throw me a birthday party. That is when they drag you out of your room, tie you up and and pour things such as jelly, ketchup, peanut butter, A1 sauce, and hot sauce all over you. It must really suck to be on the recieving end. What'd be cool though is a cake or decorated cookie and balloons from Love a Cadet. Hmm, perhaps I'll hint to my parents about it.

Anyway, I'm thinking about my b-day because recently I was thinking about what I really wanted for my b-day, kinda like I did when I was a kid. What I asked my parents for is a Sonicare tooth brush. I asked for one because it would help my teeth a lot and it's too expensive for me to buy on my own. I want one, but a part of me kinda wishs that I could get a remote control car instead. It'd be really fun to drive up and down the halls and harrass some of my classmates, and perhaps chase a few plebes down the hall. I didn't ask for one because it's not what I need, it's only a cool expensive toy. The toothbrush makes a lot more sense. My dream list of things also includes the dvd Monsters Inc. I haven't seen it, but I've heard from a lot of people that it's really funny. Oh well, I need clean teeth much more than I need a remote control car so that is what I'm asking for. Maybe for Christmas or something I'll ask for the car and the movie, but by then I'll probably have thought of some other stuff that I need.

I miss celebrating holidays with my family. At least I got to see my Mom on her birthday and give her a card. I missed Easter with my sisters, my Dad's 50th Birthday, Betsy's 21st b-day, Heidi's 23 b-day, and the 4th of July. At least I get to be with them on Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Right now I want to go for a walk around West Point with a friend. Perhaps go to Trophy Point and admire the view. One problem. No friend to go with. Sure, I could go by myself, but that isn't as fun. I like going on walks and talking with a friend discussing anything and everything or nothing. It's peaceful.

This morning I woke up around 10, read The Long Gray Line for about an hour and then got up and took a shower. Jaz and I went to lunch at 11:45 and then I came back and started watching a dvd while pretending to do homework. Midway through the dvd I realized that I wasn't paying attention to it and that I wan't getting any work done either and so I went back to bed. I got up around 5 and then watched some tv and tried to do some more homework. Leah and I went to dinner at 6:15 and now I am back here sitting at my computer. A day basically wasted.

Last night Bryon and this guy in my philosophy class stopped by to see Tara because they all went to the prep school last year. Bryon was in my swimming class last year and we became friends. Then, at Buckner stuff got weird between us. At first it was like we both liked each other and we hung out a lot, and then midway through Buckner we both started ignoring each other. Anyway, he walked into the room last night and there was the kinda weird pause with both of us and then we said "hi" and again proceeded to ignore each other. I saw both of them again at dinner because they were a few tables over. His friend noticed me and motioned hi. Later I walked past their table because Molly and Ann were sitting at the table right next to them and when I passed Bryon said hi to me. Does this story have a point. No. Am I telling it for any reason. No. It's just a random event in my life, and not a very big one at that.

Amaka stopped by around midnight to say hi and while we were talking I heard a bunch of noise outside in the hallway. We went to go see what was going on and found four of the guys in my company trying to duck tape a laundry cart to my door. It was pretty funny and broke up the boredom. When I asked them about it a few minutes later they claimed to know nothing about the whole thing.

Tomorrow/ this morning I can sleep in for as long as I want. I don't remember the last time I was able to do that, or know when the next time I will be able to do that. Knowing how I function I probably won't be able to sleep in very late. When I have to get up at a certain time, no matter how late, I always want to sleep later, but when I don't have to get up I always end up waking up earlier and am not able to sleep any more. Oh well, it's the thought that counts.

I need to start spending more time developing Bowlby. I'm definatly slacking militarly right now. Last year at this time I was all hooah about being squared away and even had a board for a PPW position because I was doing so well. This year feels like the exact opposite; like I'm trying to cut corners and do the bare minimum. Crap, uniform switch goes Tuesday. I need to get out my long sleeve AFC and get it ready.

Tomorrow / today I need to spend doing homework. I have a spanish lab Tuesday, and econ problem set due Wednesday, a econ lab and calc quiz onThursday, and a phaseline writ in physics on Friday. At least Friday is a compressed scheduale with classes starting at 6:30am and ending at 11:30am for PPW. Then I'm off to Boston.

Time to read and sleep. Yay! sleep. Sleep is good. I like sleep. I have a few friends who should also get some sleep. Go to Bed!

My brain is fried. Today I went to Church, came back, watched 1.5 dvd's, slept for about and hour, watched more tv, talked to Matt, and then watched another dvd while doing my econ problem set. I've watched way too much tv today.

Right now I kinda wish that I liked a guy or that a guy liked me. Life goes a lot smoother when that's not the case, but just talking to a few of my friends recently has made me miss the excitement and everything. Mr. Right will come around eventually, but that just seems so far away. Maybe I already know him, maybe not. Who knows. Enough about guys.

I really want to live in Texas. Okay, so I've never been there, but some of my friends from Texas that go here have just about convinced me of what a great state it is. There is just something about them. I think it'd be cool to at least visit Texas sometime. I also dream of living in Washington DC, Philadelphia, and Michigan. Just a few things in my dreams of the future.
See, I dream of doing the whole career thing in Washington DC or Philly, and then raising a family in Texas or Michigan. There of course is my military career somewhere in there. Basically, I have no clue about my future. Luckily I don't have to worry about that because everything will work out in time and probably be nothing like I imagine it. Funny how that works.

YAY! No school Monday. This rocks. I have Sunday and Monday to totally relax and sleep. The only things on my scheduale are Church and sleep. Perhaps a little homework in there.

The Navy Day regatta was fun today. My boat finished in the top three quarters of our race and the varsity women's eight A boat came in 2nd in their race. I'm not sure how the other varsity boat did. I called home twice today and talked to Heidi, Mom, and Dad. I called Betsy a couple times, but as usual she wasn't there so I left a message. Later I called Matt, but he wasn't home either. When his mom answered the phone my cell phone faded out on my end and so I guess we both ended up talking at the same time. Oops. I called Frank, but he was eating dinner and so he called me back a while later and we had a nice conversation. We've started talking regularly again which is cool.

8 Seconds really is a great cowboy movie. I may even watch it again tomorrow.

It's been a long day. Time for bed.

AUGH! My computer is stupid. I don't have enough free memory in my C drive and I don't know what to do. For the past hour I've been looking through it for files that I can either get rid of or move to my D drive, but now I can't seem to find anymore and I still don't have enough memory. Das ist poopy.

Rain rain go away. Come again...never mind. stay.

I went to the health clinic today only to find out that it's closed. I guess they wanted to give the people there a holiday. Bowlby got punched in the nose yesterday during boxing and they told him to go to sick call this morning to get his nose looked at and possibly x-rayed.

To many old grad's running around. Because of them we're in As for Class today instead of BDU's. This morning I was lying in bed after my alarm went off and thinking how great it was because we're in BDU's and that just makes life a little easier. Then, I saw Alyson getting ready and she had on AFC and told me they had changed the uniform. Now if I go outside I'll smell like wet dog because of my wool pants. Stupid old grads. And what's up with us having to salute them even though their not in uniform and probably not even in the military anymore. Just cuz 1,000,000 years ago they graduated from this place and are here for a visit to tell us how much the "Corps Has".

Yes, I am being bitter right now. I think I'll stop now.
Happy thought: I have a cowboy hat.

The motivation to study has decreased even further. I'm so glad tomorrow is friday. I'm thinking about going to sick call tomorrow mornign to have my neck checked out, but I don't know if it's worth it since it'd probably nothing and would be a waste of time. This weekend I have a race on Saturday and then have Sunday and Monday off. That is so cool. My plan is to sleep, watch some dvd's, sleep, hang out with friends, sleep, relax, sleep... Perhaps I'll get around to watching the movie 8 Seconds. James says that it's the best cowboy movie ever and that I have to see it. I want to see if I agree.

The theme for dinner tonight was Homecoming and so Alyson and I both dressed up. I wore the dress I wore to prom senior year. It was nice to get all dressed up again and everything, but once I stepped out into the hall and had to face everbody else in the company I became really self concious and shy. It probably seems like I'm snobbish or don't want to talk to the people in my company, but it's really that I'm shy and when I am out of my comfert zone I become very quiet.

Yesterday Berry was attacked by a dog while my mom took her for a walk. She was rushed to the vet and it's really scary how close she was to dying. I don't even want to think about it because I'm not sure I can handle it. She's doing a little better now, but is all bandaged up and does not have a lot of energy. My poor dog. I'm so glad that she survived. I wish that I could go home and see her.

Candy corn is addictive. Yummy. I really want a caramel apple sometime this fall.

This afternoon before practice I was outside on the observation deck of the boathouse with my shoes and socks off doing stretches I learned yesterday. I was lying down with my eyes closed and slowly getitng up when I heard the door open and someone come outside. I turned around and saw the Sup and his entourage being escorted by Coach Hall. Needless to say, I was suprised and got to my feet and saluted and then stood at attention while he came over and looked at the view. It's not everyday that I have a three star general asking me questions while I stand there with no shoes and socks on and try my best to look good. It was rather embarrasing.

For practice today we rowed to north to an island that you can hardly see from West Point because it's so far away. The row down wasn't too bad, but by the time we reached the island we were all realy tired, cold, and soaking wet. On the island is an awesome mansion that is really overgrown and cool looking. It reminded me of the place the lady lived in in the book Great Expectations. The interior was made with wood from ships in the Spanish American war. Unfortunatly the wood had a lot of gun powder in it and ended up blowing up and destroying the interior of the mansion. The outside walls still remain and have a ghostly effect. Coach wanted us to row around the island, but it was getting dark, we were tired, and we still had another 45 min of rowing back so he decided we didn't have to row around it and could just turn around at the side of it.
The way back I got really cold and was really scared of tipping over. I've never gotten scared before, but today I got really nervous and had to keep telling myself to relax and trust my teammates. In order to take my mind off of the things that were bugging me I started to sing some praise songs in my head. Soon my mind was off the cold and the fear I was I concentrating on praising God. It made the row back a lot faster for me and I wasn't very cold anymore. We got back and I was soaking wet and the temp was probably in the 60's. I took a nice hot shower and Coach Hall ordered pizza's for the team. I guess practice was pretty good today.

I think I just scared my mom. This afternoon I found a lump on my neck which I am assuming is a swollen lymoh node. Normally this wouldn't bother me at all because I feel fine and I bet it'll be gone tomorrow or something, but there is that family history in there. Anyway, I had both Alyson and Amaka check it out and they both asked if I had a swollen lymph node so I called home to see what my mom had to say about them. My guess, as well as hers, is that it's something minor and that I should just check it every 4 or 5 days. Right now it feel about the size of a pea, maybe a little bigger. I guess I'll see how it's doing in a few days.

I am so happy right now. I just talked to Steph on IM and she told me that she's started going to Holy Trinity and that she had a long talk with Mark G. and is becoming friends with SR. Sarah (formerly Ms. Burdick). That just made my day. I am so so so happy for her. She wants to join the Air Force and I think it would be a really good opportunity for her adn that she'd really enjoy it. I hope everything works out. YAY! Kate = happy.

Today was the first regatta of the season. Army had three boats come in first. Mine finished 10th out of 25. It was a really good race, we just need to work on our slide controll. I love the spring season a ton, but I don't get half as nervous in the fall as I do in the spring at the beginning of a race. In the spring I feel like puking and have tons of butterflies in my stomach where as in the fall I'm much more relaxed and focused on the long hard row ahead. They are very different types of races.

On the trip back I called home again and talked to my parents and caught up with them. Later on I called Frank and we talked for a while. The two times I've called him recently have probably been the most inoppertune times. Once he was watching a movie with his family and then tonight he was about to eat dessert with them. He doesn't tell me these things untill we've talked for about 20 min and then I feel bad for interrupting. Next time I'll have to start off the converstation by asking him if I'm interrupting something. I guess that's what I should do all the time because it's polite. Me and my bad manners.

This weekend I was in Massachusetts, next weekend I head to Philly, and then the weekend after that I'm going to Boston. Fun stuff. Leah invited me to NYC next weekend after the race because our race is only a one day event on Saturday and we have Sunday and Monday off for Columbus Day. I said that I wanted to go, but now that I think about it I don't think I should because it would cost a lot of money and I need to start saving more. If only money grew on trees.

Yay! I talked to Frank tonight. I haven't talked to him in over a month. Today I got a mass email from him and that reminded me that we haven't spoken in a while and so I called him tonight and we talked for a bit. It was great talking to him again.

How did I get here? Where am I going? Who am I?

age: 18 almost 19
gender: female
where I'm from: That one State
schools: preschool, safety town, elementry school, middle school, high school, West Point
likes: chocolate, sleep, hanging out with friends, going home, guys, my teddy bear, my family, Berry, relaxing, math, computers, getting out of here often, not being a plebe, interesting military and government stuff, order, West Point, Church, Christmas, birthdays, holidays, crew, pizza, civilian clothes, happy memories, acheiving goals, my cowboy hat, sunsets, going on walks and talking with a friend, creed, fall, jumping in piles of leaves, feeling like i'm a part of something, hot chocolate, frozen custard,
dislikes: parades/drill, SAMI, WPR's, TACs, Regimental/ Brigade runs, being brainwashed, APFT's, no sleep, lots of stress, getting in trouble, being introverted, white chocolate, chocolate icecream, being a new cadet/plebe, lots of homework, feeling alone, haveing to go back to school after a break, santana, 2k's, running, tools, slackers, complaining a lot, smooth jazz, infantry, long boring breifings, abortion, broccoli, english papers, spending a long time at a range,
Goals: graduate from West Point, work for the NSA or something, be happy with my life, marry a man I love and who loves me, tab the APFT, at some point in my life never have to take another PT test, never smoke, not drink untill I'm 21, wait until marrige,
Important things: Jesus, family, friends, country, school, sleep,
favorite quote: "All your base are belong to us" j/k :)

I'm still in the process of figureing out who I am.

Happy Birthday Matt! You are old.

Today I forgot my calculator and binder in philosophy class right before lunch. I realized that after lunch around around 1:30. After practice I went back to the classroom and got a janitor I know to unlock the room for me. Just as I expected my stuff was still there. My binder was on a desk with another binder and my claculator was in my pencil bag displayed in the front of the classroom where it was very visible so that I could find it. That's one of the things I love about this place and it's one of the reasons I came here. Somebody could have very easily run off with my calculator, but it was still there six hours later when I finally got around to getting it.

79 days untill Christmas leave :) For spring break the womens crew team is going to Virginia Beach again. I had an awesome time last year and would not have any problem at all with going back, except for the fact that spring break is two weeks earlier this year and there's a good chance that it'll be really cold. My Mom asked if it'd be okay if her and dad came up again and I said I thought that'd be okay.

My senior year of high school and then a little last year I had a hard time spending a lot of time and talking with my parents. Senior year I was nervous about coming here and everytime I talked to them I was reminded of just how soon and how different everything would be. I just wanted to forget everything and go have fun with my friends and not think about how my whole life was about to change in a short while. Then, I got here and survived the pressures of the first summer and was really happy to see my parents again on acceptance day, but in the back of my mind there was still the constant dread of having to go back and face all the upperclassmen in a few hours. Plus, my parents, rightfully so, had tons of questions and I was frustrated at either not knowing the answers to them or having to answer them over and over again. It still bothers when they ask a question and I don't know the answer because this place has brainwashed me into thinking that I always need to know the answer and so if I can't answer a question I feel like I'm failing in some way. It's stupid. My parents, Heidi, and Matt came up for Plebe Parent weekend. I had an awesome time that weekend, but it was also really hard because I was struggling a lot with my attitude towards my parents. They would talk to other people and tell them about how they have a daughter at West Point because they are proud of me, but at that point I took it as them using me to elavate themselves and I wasn't sure that they would still be proud of me and treat me the same if something happend and I decided to leave West Point. Matt was awesome that weekend and we talked a lot and he helped me a ton. Looking back on it I realize that I was taking everything that my parents were doing and saying the wrong way and I think that Matt realized that and was trying to show me that, but I was so full of millions of emotions and didn't understand it. There was just so much going on on every level that weekend with me. I'm still sorting it out. I must say that I can't ask for a better friend/brother than Matt. I am sorry, however, that I didn't get to spend a lot of time with Heidi. Over the past year my relationship with my parents has steadily improved. Once again I really like spending time with my parents and talking to them about what's going on in my life. I wish I could spend more time with them. Perhaps it's odd for a teenager, but I wanted to spend every moment with them when they were up here two weekends ago. I choose going out with my parents over going out with my friends. I can go out with my friends another time, but I only see my parents every few months. I love my family a ton.

Tomorrow is Matt's birthday. Today I was in the bookstore and looked for a card to send him to get back at him for the one he gave me last year. I don't remember what the card said exactly, but it was something about me being old and I think it had a punch-out bingo or tic tac toe game. I only had a few minutes today and didn't find the perfect one so I'll probably go again tomorrow. I also have to find a card to send my Grandma. I haven't written her in a while.

Secrets, secrets are not fun. Secrets, secrests hurt someone. How many times have I heard that since elementry school? Most often it was said by someone watching two people whispering something to each other and they wanted to know what the people were saying. What happens when you keep the secret hidden within yourself and it's you that it's hurting? Annah and Tia invited me to their Bible Study this evening after practice and I decided to go. I must admit that I didn't really go for the Bible Study, but instead for the food because everyone else had already gone to dinner and I didn't want to go by myslef. Now I'm really glad that they invited me and that I went, not because of the really yummy food, but because I found the Bible Study really interesting and thought provoking.

The topic today was fear, most importantly what secrets we have hidden within ourselves and our afraid to share. The passage referenced was Matthew 10:26-28;
"So do not be afraid of them. There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in dark, speak in the daylight: what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell."
I have things that I don't want anybody to know. Things I've done, thought, allowed to be done, etc. I feel the same as one of the girls who said that she would rather disappear than tell somebody about them. Everybody has something in their life like this. As with most people, I'm scared that if I did tell someone that they would then be dissapointed in me, act differently towards me, judge me, not be my friend, etc. A true friend would not do this, but Satan places a fear in me that says that people would do those things if they found about about what I've done. Some of the people I respect the most are those who were able to overcome their fear, confess their sins, ask for forgivness and recieved and accepted God's grace. They openly talk about what they did and I repsect that because it takes a lot of courage, more than I think I have at the moment. Because they can share their experiance it draws people closer to them because they seem more human and are not trying to put on an act of being perfect.

Confessing the things to God and asking for forgivness it good and rightous, but speaking them outloud to another person seems to lift the weight off my shoulders. I would like to confess some things to a friend to get ease the burden of carrying them around inside of me, but I think I'd only be comfertable doing that if we both were sharing things with each other. That takes out a lot of the fear of them judging me because we would both be making ourselves vulnerable at the same time. The heaviest burden is the one that you make yourself carry around.

Today was one of those days were I felt rather lonely and wondered if my friends find me annoying and odd. What if they think that for some reason I think I'm better then them or something. That's totally not true, actually, it's the opposite. I wish I could be more like my friends. More outgoing, talkative, a better listener, etc. Most of my life I've had groups of really close friends, but no best friends. Within those groups of friends there were people who were best friends and watching them be so close made me wish that I had a best friend or was their best friend. Do I really have the ability to make someone feel special?

Scott, Adam, and Huff were rather suprised today when i asked them about a Bible verse I read last night, especially when I had a Bible with me to show them the verse. They thought it was rather odd, but the verse disturbed me and I needed to talk to someone about it. Scott was pretty helpfull and I feel a little better now, but need more information. I think the verse it 1 Corinthians 14:34. Maybe it's chapter 13. Anyway, it's about women not being allowed to talk in Church.

Scott is an awesome guy and I really respect him. He's my math partner and yesterday I found out that he doesn't drink, or smoke,he's a Lutheran and in the protestant choir. Overall he is a really cool guy and a great math partner. I hope there are more people like him in the world.

No clouds in the sky. Wish I could fly. Don't worry, I won't try.

School would be great if they made the weekend a few days longer, made classes a few hours shorter, cut out the homework, and had summer/winter break for 11 months a year.

Do I overprotect myself? Today at Coach Hanlon's house some people were watching Hannibal in the basement. Last year for some stupid reason I bought that movie with out seeing it. A few months later I decided to see if it was any good. Five minutes into it I turned it off and gave the movie away to a friend. Watching it I experianced revolsion and a feeling of uncleanliness. Anyway, so they were watching it in the basement and part of me wanted to see it because I was curious, but I didn't. I did have to go down to the basement to get a different movie and saw a small part of it and part of me wanted to stay, but then the feeling came back and I went back upstairs. It's like I don't want to associate with anything dark or evil and I see that movie as evil. I don't know how to explain it. As Betsy once said " Silence of the Lambs had a purpose, but that movie only serves to glorify evil" or something like that. Okay, I guess this isn't a good example for me overprotecting myself because I don't think I should be watching those types of movies anyway.

I'm just arguing with myself for no reason. One part says that since I don't indulge in activities such as drinking, smoking, pointless relationships, that I am becoming socially inept and weird. Yet, as pointed out by many people many times, that is not the case because I find different ways to have fun with my friends.

As I told my parents last weekend, I feel like I'm supposed to live my life adhearing to high moral standards and be an example for people. I have no clue if this is actually the case, and if it is then why.

WARNING KATE! You are thinking too much. Stop at once or risk harm.

Recently I've noticed that I'm really hungry for news of the outside world. One of the things I really like to do is sit down and reading the whole NY Times.

Golly gee wiz, I love Saturday morning physics tests at 7:30am. At least it's not at 6:35 any more like it was supposed to be. Right the majority of the yuk class is studying their butts off for this cheerfull occasion. If only we could have a few more of these. Oh wait, we do. At least the test gets us out of the Regimental run that everybody else has to do tomorrow morning at 5:20. After the much looked forward to test I have a parade and then a mandatory football game to go to. Supposedly the Army Team is "the pride and dream of every heart in grey." I'm sure they would be if they start winning a game sometime. Having to stay and watch the football team mess up and lose is pretty demoralizing. The Comm made it mandatory for everyone to go to the games and stay to the end after the Alma Mater is sung. If only it was a Michigan game.

Today at crew practice we did a three mile head race from Con Hook to Duck Island. He had us in two eights racing against each other. My boat rowed really well together and I felt a lot better rowing than I have in a long time. When Coach Hall said that I was in an eight today instead of the quad I was kinda sad and dreading the race, but even though I pulled 100% the whole time I wasn't dying half-way through the race like I expected I would. It was great. On Sunday I have to row a 2k on the erg with Annah because I didn't row one yesterday because of the APFT.

Now it's time to go back to studying physics. I'm trying to decided whether to make some popcorn or not. hmmm?

YAY!!!! The APFT is done:) I did 35 push-ups in 2 min, 69 sit-ups in 2 min, and a 16:46 min on the 2-mile run. Usually I get around 40-45 push-ups, but around 6 were not counted and I also had to go down a tad bit lower than I usually do. The sit-ups was an all-time best and the run was my second best one, but my best offically counted one. Overall I raised my score by 1 point from my last APFT for a new offical high. Each APFT I'm improving a little. I'm so glad it's over.

It's sprinkeling outside and the weather is definetly cooler than it was a few days ago. I'm really nervous about the APFT, as always. At practice this afternoon we're supposed to do a 2k, but I don't really care about that at the moment. If you get a bad time on one 2k you don't get kicked off them team. Eddie is coming over and then we're going down the Amaka's room to meet up with her and Keegan before we all go down together to take the APFT. Right now I can't wait for the day that I never have to do PT again, but I have a feeling that day won't come for a long time, if ever. I can just see it now being at a nursing home when I'm 90 years old and them waking us all up at 5am to go for a nursing home run/walk/hobble/push. I wonder if they have PT tests in Heaven? I sure hope not.

24 hours from now I'll be done with the APFT. Tomorrow I'm going down around 1:40pm to take it. I'm nervous. What if they cut a lot of push-up's and I don't get 25, or 19? The past few times I've gotten in the 40's, but I've been hearing of them cutting 5-20 push-ups a person. I'm also nervous about the sit-ups. The past few weeks I've been running, but I'm still scared about it. I want to do well, or at least make sure I'm not marginal. Augh! Wish me luck.

My mind has been tainted. I feel dirty. Okay, not really, but I didn't need to see all of that. Of course, as Annah said "she does need to grow up sometime," but I doubt that's the way:) I do just fine growing up on my own. Maybe I am a little socially stunted and all, but at least I didn't have 2 kids this summer to raise or move into the gehtto and spend tons of money on tatoo's last year like my sisters did. Actually, the kids were baby goats that Betsy helped raise from the petting farm and they were really cute even though I only saw pictures of them. The tattoo's were from Heidi's cancer treatment. Before she had cancer she lived in Detroit working for a Christian school. My only claim to fame is that my parents decided to kick me out of the house and send me to a military school. Oh wait, this was all my choice. I can't blame them at all, but I can make it sound like I have such a troubled family life :)

This week not as busy as last week was, but there still are stresses such as the APFT and physics WPR plus a few projects.

This whole not liking a guy right now thing is great most of the time. My emotions are a lot more level, but occasionally I still wish I liked someone and that he liked me back. I'll just have to wait for that person to come along. I wonder who it is? What if there is no one and I grow up to be a single old women with 10 cats? I don't even like cats that much. Dogs are much better in my opinion. Kittens are okay, but eventually they grow up. I don't want to be all alone in a nursing home when I'm old with no family to visit me. Okay, I'm scaring myself again. Time to stop. Things will all work out somehow and Ill be happy in the end. No pain no gain. I guess cats are okay...

Time for class. I heard that today we're watching a movie. yay!

Today the Econ lab convinced me that I need to start budgeting my money. Now I need to figure out where to start.

My company was missing around 100 people at lunch formation today. It was at 11:55 instead of 12:05, but they forgot to tell us. I'm happy to say that my platoon had the most people at the formation.

Formation was early because Prince Andrew and people (meaning a bunch of stars) joined us for lunch. He gave a 10 min speech where he read a message the Queen sent to us, and then talked a little on his own. Sad to say, but most of us zoned out of all of it because the speech was full of weird analogies about how Britain and the US are even stronger allies since 9-11 and something about a town in texas and a town in England. It was cool that he was here, but most of the girl's I've talked to were hoping that the thing the Queen sent was Prince William and not a speech. He didn't make an appearance at lunch.

Today was the day of interupted sleep. This morning someone decided to call my phone 3 times at 5:30 in the morning. I woke up just as Tara got up to pick up the phone, which proccedded to only have a dial tone. Today at practice Abby was telling us how she was taking a nap when her TAC decided to knock twice on her door and wake her up. She awoke to find that her TAC was talking to two Venezualen Generals outside her room and wanted to show them it. She was glad that by the time she got around to opening the door they were already walking away down the hall.

Mark is getting on me for being quiet. He sees me in the hall and yells "hi Kate" and tells me how he was just talking to some people in the company about how quiet I am and that nobody knows me. Perhaps I should make more of an effort to get to know the cows and firsties. He's also convinced that there is no possible way that my roommates and I have not had an argument yet. Our personalities are so different that he can't understand how we get along. Tara is really loud, I'm really quiet, and Alyson is in the middle. I think it works out perfect. I'll get louder as the year goes on and I get to know everybody more.

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WTF?!?

AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't tell me it just lost everything I wrote.

Today on the way to her last class right before lunch my roommate, Tara, ran into Prince William in Thayer Hall. I'm not sure if she actually ran into him, but that's what she said. Who knows. He's at West Point right now and tomorrow he's going to be talking to my friend Shannon's EE class. I have no idea why they want him to speak to an EE class, but I'm not the one who makes these decisions. What actually makes more sense is that a lot of people are saying the Duke of York is here also. That is Prince Andrew and perhaps he's the one who's actually supposed to be talking to the class. The question still remains, Why?

Being royal must really be a pain sometimes, or most of the time. Every action you do is watched and you're hounded by the media all the time. Oh wait, that's the same as life here. I have a new found apprection of how much it royaly sucks, and I don't have it hardly as bad as he does. Okay, my life and his life don't really compare, but I'm just trying to say that I'm getting sick of being watched every moment and feeling like I live in a fish bowl and I only experiance a tiny bit of what he must experiance every day.

New subject. I have an APFT this week and am really scared about it. People tell me that I'm in shape, but I don't know if I believe them. Augh! We'll see how this goes.

The other day I was in the C-store and I went to the second floor and saw General Brooks up there. He was talking to someone and saying "you don't want to where brown leather shoes with black pants because they don't go together." The person replied "It's like my mamma always used to say..." and then I walked out of earshot to look at the cd's. A few moments later I saw them pass by to go look at some clothes and saw that it was the Frist Captain with him. I never pictured the a cadet and a General shopping together, no matter what the cadet's rank. It was pretty funny and for the rest of the day I had a pretty good laugh over the Commedant telling Ricardo Turner what to buy.

This evening I went over to LTC Surdu's house and had dinner with him and his family along with two other cadets he sponsor's. After dinner we all played UNO and I ended up winning the first 3 games. It was a lot of fun. Since LTC Surdu is taking command and a new post at the end of this year LTC Phillips, my DAC, offered to sponsor me. It's pretty cool.

I hated saying goodbye to my parents yesterday afternoon. Last year I didn't want them to leave because I dreaded returning to the rigors of academy life, but this year I hate to see them leave because I truely miss them and love spending time with them. I'll see them again, along with my sisters and friends at Thanksgiving. Only 2 more months.