Tuesday, April 30, 2002

I think I might be getting sick. My neck hurts and I was freezing in chemistry. It could be that I just slept on my neck wrong and they do keep Bartlett hall freezing so that we stay awake (HAH!). I now understand why eveyone hates organic chemistry. In fact, I hate it too. I don't understand the oxidization of hydrocarbons or how to draw the structure for 1,1,1-trichloro-cis-2-butene, let alone how to name it if I saw the structure, but I'm sure that it'll be helpfull when I'm taken prisoner by the enemy forces. I can just pull out a pad of paper and say "here, let me name an organic compound for you and make a pretty stucture to go along with it." I think I just failed the quiz. Oh well, on with life.

Monday, April 29, 2002

ONLY 1 MONTH LEFT!!!!!!!!! Then 3 weeks of vacation. After that back to Camp Buckner I go. At least now on crew regatta's I look forward to getting back to West Point instead of the awfull dread I felt at the beginning of the year. Amazing how things change.
Wow! I'm so tired right now. The Patriot League Regatta was today in Mass. My boat, the novice A boat, blew the other teams out of the water. We won by a good 9 sec. Coach Hall was happy. He still is the antichrist, but at least all the work pays off. He's a good man. On May 1 he's being promoted to Major. I hope to be there to congradulate him with the rest of my team.

When I learned about Jon's condition on friday it really made me sad. I had a hard time dealing with it and needed someone to talk to. I ended up IM'ing Erich and asked if I could talk to him. We met at Grant,he bought me some ice cream and we talked about it. He helped me a lot and I felt better after talking to him. It's just so sad. Stuff like that's not supposed to happen.

I need sleep. Races wear me out, and I only had one today. At Dade Vails I'm gonna be dead after 3 races in two days. It'll be fun though.

Friday, April 26, 2002

Erich stopped by tonight:):) The only bad part is that now I can't concentrate because I'm happy and hyper. When I do finally sit down at my desk I find myself blanky staring at something with a smile on my face.

I found out that I'll be in C4 next year. That's the 6th floor of Mac Long. The good news is that both Erich and Ez are going to B4 which is the floor below me. The female bathroom is also located on the 5th floor in the B4 area. I'm gonna visit Ez a lot. It's funny because the guy she kinda likes is going to C4 while Erich is going to B4. GO COWBOYS! FIRED UP C4! YEEHAW! YOU KNOW IT. That's what the plebes in C4 have to yell everytime they get up from the table after a meal. It's gonna get really annoying. At least I get a cowboy hat.

Thursday, April 25, 2002

Erich came by this afternoon, but I was asleep. Why did I have to take that 30 min nap then?

Wednesday, April 24, 2002

I am about to yell at someone!!!!!!! This is not good.

Tuesday, April 23, 2002

From some reason I suddenly missed my loft bed from home and so I searched online to see some. I found this awesome site that has tons of beds I would've loved to have when I was a little kid. I always wanted a tent bed, but my parents wouldn't let me get one. I also wanted a bed that was shaped like a car because I really believed that you could drive them. I imagined driveing all over the house with it. I had a big imagination when I was little. You should've seen what I wanted my tree house to look like. It had mutliple floors, plus a basement, garage, pool, bathroom, and tons of other stuff. The funny part was that I actually believed that I could get all of that in a tree house. The tree house I ended up with was very very simple, but to me, it became a fort, house, castle, ect... I love that thing.

Sunday, April 21, 2002

I IM'd Erich this morning to see if he was going to Church and he said that he was, but was going to brunch first and asked me if I wanted to go with him. I said yes, so he came by my room to get me, then we went to church together, and walked back together. Me = happy.

Today I have to write a history paper and study for the Chem WPR tomorrow. Fun stuff. It's gonna be a long day.
Today we raced UConn here at West Point. I was really looking forward to this race because Erich, Jasmin, Ez, and Adam all said that they were coming. Unfortunatly it started raining around 2. Jasmin came down, but left when it started raining and so she didnt' get to see me race. The others never came down. My boat beat UConn by .87 seconds. I was really looking forward to seeing my friends after the race, and during the race all I could think about was how they were waiting at the finish line. When I finally went to go see them, I realized no one was there. I understand why they didn't come, it was raining, and I probably wouldn't have come if I were in there position, but I was still really sad. It reminded me of high school. I would invite my friends to my softball games, or to my crew regatta's that were at home. Mr Hart came to one of my softball games once and taped part of it and there was one time that Dan, Matt, and Mr. Hart came to a crew regatta. That was great. I loved seeing them there and it ment a ton to me, but after that, I can't think of another time that they came to see me do anything. I always tried to go to my friends plays and stuff when they told me about them, because I cared about what they did, but I don't remember them coming to see me when I invited them. Sometimes I would imagine that Jake, or Matt, or Beth or someone was there watching my games and I just hadn't seen them yet, because it helped me play better. I'd get all excited about the game because I had told someone about the game, other then my family, and they said they might comeand I'd keep looking up into the stands hopeing to see them, but they wouldn't be there and I'd realize that they weren't coming. I guess I should just be happy that my family came. There were some girls that didn't have that. I just wish my friends would have come.

Friday, April 19, 2002

Last night was the Thayer Award banquet. This year the award was given to Senator Daniel K. Inouye from Hawaii. I thankfully got to miss the parade because of crew practice. They were in the middle of the Pass and Review when I got back from crew. That must have sucked in this heat. At the dinner GEN. Kauffman shook my hand and asked me how the Dean was treating me. I wanted to say that the Dean is screwing me over this week, but since he's a General and the Dean, I just kinda smiled. There was a 3 star general right next to him who smiled and said hi to me, but I didn't catch his name. Ez and I ended up being floated to tables of guests so that they could have some cadets to talk to. I was at a table with a few old grad's, another man who I guess is important in the city he lives in, and a COL. I totally screwed up table duties and such, but oh well, that's life. While Senator Inouye was giving his speach the camera paused on Yi, who was sitting right up front. She choose the wrong time to fall asleep, because right as the camera stopped on her she closed her eye's and was out. It was displayed over the screens throughout the mess hall, so the corps of cadets, old grad's, some generals, plus a number of congressmen, saw that she was asleep. Lets just say that life's not so great for her right now.

Erich came over after dinner to help me out with CS. He stayed for about and hour and we hung out and he helped me before he had to go do history. It was a great time. I wish he'd come over more.

Alex came over about 10 min after Erich left. Whenever he's over all the football players come over. It wasn't very conducive to doing homework, but we did get a lot accomplished. He stayed till right before Tattoo and after that we used the phone, IM, and ton's of emails to work together to try and get the stupid CS project done. Both of us were up untill 3. The presentation today went, well, it went. I'll be really happy if I get a C on this project. My grades are really slipping this week:(

Thursday, April 18, 2002

Okay, blogger is acting up and won't display my page. WTF?
The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain. If the king falls down in his airliner, then, the reign in Spain falls mainly in the plane. Thanks Jake:)

Today it was a very stressfull day. I think I failed my english paper that I finished 5 minutes before class started.

It got up to 92 degrees here today! Of course, it had to peak during crew practice. I've added my coach to the list of people here who are the antichrist. So far it's my CS teacher, the DPE teachers, and him. He makes us work really hard, which is good, but it's still hard. I wish that someone would tell me if I row well or not. Jasmin says that the people on the crew team she talks to say that I'm one of the best rowers, but a lot of the time I convince myself that I'm one of the worst. Today I got really stressed during practice because of today, and I also thought I was rowing poorly. I had a hard time breathing and had to focus on getting air in. I wanted to stop rowing and cry, but I couldn't, wouldn't, and didn't. The team needs me to be strong, so I try.

Wednesday, April 17, 2002

Erich saw me row today:) He was down at the river courts sitting at a picnic table with no shirt on doing homework. It was weird because even thought I only saw the back of him from a distance- I somehow knew it was him. He confirmed that it was him later tonight on IM. Strange, very strange.

Tuesday, April 16, 2002

Open door AMI sucks. My room is right by the stairs, so everyone going up or down the stairs of course has to look in and stare. It's funny when there are guys over and the door is open because all the CPL's stop and look in or else walk really slowly past while staring in the room. It gets pretty annoying.
Yesterday at crew practice we almost rowed to the Bear Mountain Bridge, which is a few miles down stream. It was great, I couldn't see one bit of West Point from were we were. Ahhh. Freedom.

Erich came over last night to help me out with CS. He explained the project to me and gave me some tips. It helped a little. After that he stayed at we talked for a little while just about random things. It was fun. He said he'll try and be at the regatta on Saturday (I can't believe he actually used the correct word!), but he might have to drive some drunk firsties back from Garrison. He had to leave to go do Pull-ups with a yuk in his company. Ez stopped by right after he got here so that she could see who he was. She didn't stay long, but came back after he'd left. Jasmin came back from dance class in civies and met him also. Erich mentioned that he wanted to do the dance class, but sadly, there are no more sessions this year:(

Alex came over about an hour later so we could work on the project. Not much was accomplished, but he said he's going to call his brother who does stuff with computer networking and hopefully get some stuff from him. Jasmin thinks he's kinda hot.

My parents are getting me a cell phone:) It was supposed to be a suprise, but I kinda ruined that one by asking them what they thought of me getting one. I should be getting it sometime soon:)

Supposedly, next year this place will have a wireless network. It might be the year after that though. The plebes next year are getting labtops and yesterday there was a guy in Thayer trying to sell them to us. If I do get one, I think I'll wait to get it untill I'm a cow or a firstie. By then they should be better and I can see if they're actually worth it. It would be nice to have one at Buckner this summer. It'll be like Beast all over again with no computer for 6 weeks, but I will have a phone:)

Monday, April 15, 2002

Yesterday Alex was supposed to come over at 9 so we could start working on the CS project. He called around 11 to apologize because he forgot. Since neither of us know what to do, I don't think much would have been accomplished if he had come over anyway. He asked if he could come over tonight, but since Erich is coming over to help me, I said I'd email him. Erich IM'd me right before lunch reminding me to remind him to come over. I thought that was funny.

I'm really tired right now. I almost fell asleep during the class after lunch. Learning about different weapons was not what I was in the mood for. Oh well.
I really did fail the math quiz. My teacher counted a 55/100, but when I went back and recounted I came up with a 68/100. Hopefully the extra points will help me a little. I really want to keep my A- in that class. Right now I also have an A- in CS and an A in swimming. I need an A in swimming in order to offset my C- in gymnastics. Grades suck. Why have them?

Erich's supposed to come over around 8 tonight to help me with my CS project:)
w.bloggar rocks! Thanks Matt.

Erich wasn't in Church this morning and so I was pretty sad. Sunday's are when I get to see him the most. We sit together and then walk back together. Then he wasn't responding on IM. That and the stress of the next week or so really got to me and I wanted to cry. Stupid reasons to get upset, but I think there was other things involved too. I wanted to talk to someone, but couldn't figure out who. I talked to Jake on IM and he tried to cheer me up with a knock knock joke, but it didn't help. I ended up calling Matt which turned out to be really helpful. He talked me through what was wrong and made me realize that things really weren't that bad and I had a lot of good stuff going on. He really cheered me up :)

I talked to Erich this afternoon on IM. It turns out that he got up at 9, felt dizzy and nausea and so he went back to bed- which was a really good idea. I hope he feels better soon. I whish I could bring him something. Anyway, I mentioned to him that I have a regatta here next Saturday. He told me to remind him on Friday so that he can come and watch it :)

I guess SAMI didn't go so well for my company. We're in open door AMI untill Wednesday. It shoudln't be too bad. Usually, if my room even gets checked, it's just by the person on CCQ. I think the key to making the room look clean is to have a really good floor. I sweep it, swiffer it, and then mop it every day. It's really shiny and Jasmin and I get lots of complements on it.

This weekend at the Knecht Cup my boat got 6th outta 24. It's amazing how much we've improved in the past few weeks. I'm really happy that I got to sit in the seat I wanted. I hope I stay there. Hopefully, if I continue to improve like I am, I'll have a really good shot at varsity next year. We'll see.

Sunday, April 14, 2002

Screw it. I give up. You know what, I'm not perfect. I'm not extremely smart, or an awesome athlete. I'm not artistic, and don't have a beautiful voice. I'd rather play football and rough house rather than flirting with a lot of guys and hanging on them. I do like to dress up and look nice sometimes, but I'm no where near the prettiest person in the world. I'm not skinny, an extrovert, or good at talking to guys. I say and do the wrong things, am to tom boyish, but not good at it either, and am very quiet. I guess I'm all wrong, but that's who I am. If guys don't like it, it's not my problem, because I am who I am.

I'm sick of this roller coaster ride of "does he like me, he likes me, he doesn't like me..." I've been through it so many times with so many different guys. I start out likeing some guy in the early spring and like him more and more as spring progresses. Then in the fall something happens like us going out or something. It ends up that he doesn't like me or something and the whole" lets just be friends" crap. I move on, still hurt and also likeing him untill spring rolls around and I meet a new guy. It's been this way since 8th grade. I thought I'd escaped it this year, but now looking at it, Erich fits right into the timing. I don't want it to happen again. Right now guys suck!
Augh!!!!!

Friday, April 12, 2002

My english recitation today royally sucked. I had to go last, which I hate, and then my mind blanked right before I went. I ended up skipping a whole line. Perhaps next time I shouldn't wait untill the day of the recitation to start memorizing the passage. I did have it down cold before hand though.

The best part of my day happend when I was leaving english class. I saw Erich walking down the stairs and we ended up walking back to Thayer Walk together. He told me about boxing and how today he got a B+ in his bout. When we parted to go back to out barracks (he lives in Lee and I live in Bradley) I said "See ya" and he said "See ya online" and did the little finger point. Little things like that make me happy. Sadly, I didn't get a chance to talk to him on IM tonight because I had to do homework. I'm really glad that I'll be here for Church on Sunday :)

Thursday, April 11, 2002

Well searching for some paper for my printer just now I came across some pictures from PPW. I can't belive that was 6 months ago already. This year really has gone by fast. It's amazing how things change. I think I've learned and grown a lot in the past year. I still have a long ways to go, but I've changed a lot. I don't know if other people can tell, but I can sometimes notice it in myself.

Silly me, the paper wasn't in my desk, it was under it.

Sometimes I feel like I'll wake up and this will all have been a dream. If that were the case, and I was still back in high school, I don't know if I would want to come here, just because my experiences in the dream. I've survived because I live day to day and have learned not to focus on the future or the past, but instead focus on the present. If I knew exactly what I was getting into it'd be overwhelming. Don't get me wrong, I love it here and never want to leave, but I also don't want to go through somethings again because once is enough for me.

Right after I got promoted I had to keep reminding myself that it was for real and nobody was about to suddenly take it away from me. Sure, I can mess up and be demoted, but that too would be different then it was before. Nobody can take away from me the experience that I've had here. I've made it this far, with the help of God, my family, and friends, and nobody can take that away. I made it to West Point, through Beast, and most of the academic year.
Terroists attacked West Point yesterday and today. The FBI and SRT teams came in to deal with the crisis. MP's were all over the place and helicopters flew overhead. It was just a drill though.

Yesterday Dan came over to study for the history writ we were supposed to have today-but today it got moved to Friday. Anyway, our talking about life in gerneral was occasionally interupted by a small fact related to history. He's a fun guy to hang out with. Oh, and Jasmin was wrong. He does have a girlfriend.

Last night I was IM'ing Jake and he told me that he had a son. I of course thought that he was joking, but he was serious about it for over 1/2 hour, which never happens. I ended up asking him if he was joking, and he said no. I still had a little doubt, but he almost had me convinced. Soon after he said he was a jerk and it was all a joke.

I also talked to Erich last night on IM. In the middle of our conversation the whole corps was kicked off IM, but I didn't know that at first and thought it was just my computer and felt bad. I figured it out after talking to Jasmin and Ez. I ended up calling him to say that I was sorry that my computer kicked me off, even though I was pretty sure by then that it had happend to everyone. I just wanted an excuse to call him. We didnt' talk long, which was what I wanted because I had a lot of work to do. I must say, he has a nice voice.

There's a SAMI on Saturday, but since both Jasmin and I are leaving on Friday and won't be here, we don't have to do it :)

I got up at 5:20 this morning because Leah and I were supposed to meet at Grant turn around at 5:30 and go for a run. I got out there and realized that she wasn't there. I went to her room and nobody answered so I went in and found her fast asleep. Since she was up late studying for a WPR that she had today, I didn't wake her up. I also wanted to go back to bed and sleep:) Too bad the extra sleep didn't really help me out. I was brain dead during the chem lab. Pittman had to do most of the work because I kept on making stupid mistakes. I think he understood though.






Wednesday, April 10, 2002

The dread of having to take the APFT is gone because I'm done with it:) Although I passed, I didn't do extremely well. I only got 35 pushups and 60 situps in the 2 min for each of them, and then on the 2 mile run I ran a 17:36.

Tuesday, April 09, 2002

Tomorrow morning I have to take the APFT. I'm scared because DPE is administering it and I really think they're the antichrist, or at least related to them. The push-ups are what scare me the most. I can do them, but not as well the DPE way. If you don't break the 90 degree angle they don't count, no exceptions. I hope I pass. It would really suck to fail.

Today as I walked into the library Erich was just leaving. I didn't even notice him untill he said "Hi Kate." Sometimes it seems like he likes me, and other times it feels like he's just interested as friends. Augh! Guys are so confusing.

Coach Hall still hasn't decided who's going to be the stroke of the A boat. He told Jodi and I today that he'd decide this week and his hope is that one of us will stroke that boat and the other will be the stroke of the 4 at Dade Vails. Today at practice he had me as the stroke of the B boat. When we were practicing starts I broke my foot stretchers in half. It was really funny, but my boat had to go in early because I couldn't row hard anymore and I had to fix the foot stretchers.

There was a CS lecture today after lunch and Ez and I both thought it was in Robinson Auditorium. It's a good thing that I didn't go back to my room and wait around untill 12:40 to go there, because after waiting there for a while Keegan came by and said that her roommate told her that it was in Ike. Ez, Dan, and I took of sprinting down Thayer walk and then across the Plain. We made it with a minute to spare. Luckily it didn't start on time, but the experiance was kinda nerve racking. I really didn't want to end up with hours because of misscommunitcation.

A lot of people are telling me that I should major in CS or at least somethind dealing with computers. I want too, but I've never talking to anyone who actually majored in CS who is glad that they did and enjoyed it. I don't want to ruin my time here by picking the wrong major.

I saw Bartlett in the Mess Hall today at dinner and pointed him out to Beth. I've lost all respect for that man. Maybe that isn't totally fair, since I only know one side of the story, but if even half of it is true, that's enough. I don't talk about what happened to Kelly with anyone. When people ask why she left I just say that I can't talk about it, and that she resigned. I've heard a lot of crazy theories, and say enough to tell the people that they're not true, but I don't go into anything else. It'd be nice to be able to tell someone about it, but I think it's just too soon. She's only been gone for a few weeks. I never thought of West Point having a dark side like I saw though. It's one of it's many secrets. I wish I could've done something.

Monday, April 08, 2002

Saturday night Erich and I got into a discussion on music, mainly classical. We both grew up listening to it. For me it was basically the only music that I knew exsisted untill 7th or 8th grade. I thought everything else was crap and not worth listening to. That changed with Mr V. playing Red Red Wine in class occasionally. I loved that song. I started to listen to 95.5 and 96.3 on the radio, but only very quietly when no one else was upstairs, because I was afriad they'd hear me. Odd as it is, I didn't want anyone to know that I was listening to popular music because I'd fought against it for so long. In middle school I didn't make the basketball team in 8th grade because violin lesson's conflicted with practice and I have never fully recoverd from that rejection. By the end of freshman year of high school I was totally disintersested in classical music. I refused to listen to it and playing it became a bore. I stopped taking violin lessons midway through freshman year so that I could focus more on sports. I didn't playing the orchestra senior year because of time and a new conductor.

Anyway, back to Erich. So we were talking about classical music and I decided to give it a try again. I found some Vivaldi on Blubbster, specifically the Violin Concerto in A Minor and immediatly missed playing it violin. Even though I haven't played in a long time, I can still finger the piece from memory. The music swept me away with it and I became immeresed in the memories of the bow flying over the strings as my fingers jumped all over the place. I searched for some more music, found some Bartok and remembered why I hated playing things by him so much. They are very weird and hard to play to simply put it. Bach's Bradenburg Concerto brought back memories of playing it in middle school for the Pregnacy Couseling Center Banquets. I found Beethoven's 5th Symphony and remembered playing ith when I was 15 or 16. A great piece to play when there are good accustics. I miss playing violin.

I wanted to play violin ever since I was 1 or so, but I guess I took my gift for granted. I rarely practiced long enough and hard enough and didnt' push myself. I had an terrific teacher. Ed is still one of the best violin teachers in the US, and I basically wasted my time with him. Ocassionally I'd practice for a few hours a day, but that only lasted for a week or two at a time and then I'd go back to maybe a 1/2 hour of practice a day, if that. Even without practice I was still doing very well. I was 1st chair, 2nd violin for a while. That's all behind me now and I have other things to focus on. I made that choice years ago and now I have to deal with it.
I am tired. So tired. 2 regatta's this weekend and three races is very exhausting. On Saturday we had a race, came in, and then had to go race again 10 min later. Sprinting with all you've got and more for 2/3 of 2 miles is hard as all...well, you know what I mean. I felt like puking by the end, and then having to do it twice in 2 hours. That's crazy. It felt good once it was over and we were off the water though.

Erich is a sweetie. I'll go more into that later. Right now I need to go to bed and get some rest. APFT Tuesday :( Race again Saturday:) See Erich Sunday :)

Friday, April 05, 2002

Erich gave me a hug! There was a lecture today after dinner that all the plebes had to go to and so Ez, Jaz, and I went together. While Ez and I were going into get a seat, Erich ended up right next to me so I tapped him on his arm to say hi. He turned around and said hi and put his arm around me. I was really suprised (and happy) because even if it's just as friends, things like that don't happen here. I don't think I've ever seen two cadets hug in public. He introduced me to one of his really good friends and we all sat together. He had me sit between them and they kept on reaching over me to poke eachother and stuff. It was funny. I asked him if he was going to the history movie tomorrow and he said he would, but it appeared that he hadn't even thought of going before hand. Who knows what will actually happen with that.

Dan stopped by after the lecture so that he could get a copy of a thing MAJ Korpowski wants us to fill out. I printed one out for him yesterday and he came by and got it, but I guess he lost it and needed a new one. We hung out and talked while my computer restarted and then he filled it out in my room. I see him around a lot and we always smile at each other. Jaz said she thinks he likes me, but I think he's just a really nice guy to everyone.

It was really cold at crew practice today. Because I'm in the bow pair I hardly got to row at all. I hate that because I don't think I'm getting a work out and improveing my rowing ability. I was also freezing. This weekend I have two races. I hope that on Sunday Coach will move me to stroke.

I bought my first pair of coreframes today. Another guy was getting a pair and he leaned over to me and said something about how they should be called coprs-shames:)

Thursday, April 04, 2002

I talked to Kelly yesterday on IM. She seems to be doing pretty well. Says she's bored. Not suprising since her town has 990 people in it.

Jaz killed a cockroach that she found walking across our floor right before breakfast formation. It's now lying behind the dresser because we don't want to touch it. It's not like we have a messy room. We aren't allowed to have one.

I think Frank was mad that I hadn't emailed him back. I finally did yesterday, or maybe it was the day before. I dunno. I called him on Easter but he wasn't home. I'm really bad about emailing people most of the time.

I am tired. Me go bed.
Spring break was awesome. By the end of the week I was sad when we didn't have 2 practices a day. On friday morning 4 dolphins came and swam with us as we rowed. It was so cool. They were so close that we could almost reach out and touch them and they stayed with us for a long time, just swiming and jumping along side and behind our boats.

The first half of the week we were all dead tired by 8 and in bed at 10 at the latest. The weather was perfect for rowing most of the week. I think that I improved a lot, which is great.

On Thursday afternoon we went to Busch Gardens and almost nobody was there. Tia, Beth, Anna and I were a group and Katie, Shannon, and Trisch joined us. We went on every ride 3 times in a row because there weren't any lines.

The sucky part is that cliques are starting to form. A lot of the team went out clubing a lot and I almost went on Saturday, but I wasnt' in the mood. Instead Beth, Meghan and I went to the store, bought some food, went down to the boardwalk and ocean and dipped our feet in the ocean, and then went back to the cabin and ate s'mores. Molly didn't go clubing that night either and so she and her boyfriend, Mike, hung out with us. It was a lot of fun.

During the week I saw We Were Soldiers and the Panic Room. I almost cried during We Were Soldiers.

A great thing about spring break was that I had time to relax and be alone and think. I did a lot of thinking about who I am, who my friends are, and life in general. I felt like I was weird because I didn't want to go clubing. Most people here love going clubing, drinking, having sex, and all that stuff. I don't really want to do any of that stuff right now. The best things seem to be the things that you have to wait for.

I thought a lot about guys. This is a list of qualities that I'm looking for in a guy:
-enjoys playing sports of some sort for fun
-is fine with the fact that i'm in the military
-is bigger than me
-chirstian
-askes me out, but who I can ask to do stuff too
-calls me, and who i can call
-someone who i can talk to about anything and who can talk to me about anything
-someone i can be myself with (whatever that is, i'm not quite sure)
-a guy who will hold my hand, put his arm around me, and all that other nice stuff
-doesn't drink, smoke, dip, and is a virgin
-doens't mind watching some chick flicks as long as I'll watch some movies he likes
-enjoys my weirdness
-is a bit weird himself
-gets along with my family
-isn't a player
-doesn't preach to me
-likes to play on playgrounds and go sledding
-likes the outdoors
-makes me feel special and i make him feel special
-likes to dance (not the booty kind of dancing)
and so on.
who knows if he exists. He doens't have to be all of those, maybe he'll be almost none of them. I dunno.

Time to do homework.

Hmm...I can't find the right music for the mood I'm in right now. Usually I can look through my cd's and find something, but that's not working tonight. Oh well.

Today's been a pretty good day. The fact that there were 3 different inspections today hardley even phased me. There was open door AMI, haircut inspection, and then in-ranks -- which was a layout for me because I had crew practice. I love crew when it gets me out of things. Not that I don't love it the rest of the time, it's just an added bonus.

Anyway, swimming was a bit harder than the last time, but it was still a ton better than gymnastics. My new math teacher seems pretty cool and Will isn't in my class. YAY!!!!! The feeling of dread is gone from my stomach when I'm going to class. It's so nice. CS was another boring lecture about management stuff. The guy who sits next too me asked me to put him out of his misery. Ms. Burk is a brilliant person who's done a ton, but she's a pretty boring teacher. That seems to be pretty common.

Dunderdale, I can't call him Gary, that's too weird right now, came over after lunch to try and disassemble my M14. He couldn't get it so Buckingham had to do it for me. I did manage to put it back together myself:)

There was a fire drill around 2:15 so Jaz and I slowly got up, put things away in the room, got our books for english, and went outside. If it had been a real fire we wouldn't have made it. I guess there was flooding in the basement of Bradley Long. We went to the C-store and I found a pair of corframs that I'm going to go buy tomorrow hopefully:) The are so much more comfertable. It'll be nice.

I only missed 3 questions on the 20 question quiz on the intro to the Odyssey. I started reading it on the way back from Virginia beach, didn't finish in that 9 hours, and so read it last night in 5 min increments with a 1/2 hour of sleep between them. It's a really boring selection. I was suprised that I did so well on the quiz.

A high school crew team from NJ came to west point today to race us and then have a BBQ. I guess it's an annual thing because the second time i visited west point last year I went to crew practice and they had that team here and a BBQ. It's kinda weird how last year I swore to myself that I'd never join the crew team here. Amazing how things change. We found out the boating for the races this weekend. I'm in seat 2 in the A boat. I really hope that Coach Hall makes me the stroke the rest of the year. I love that seat while most people hate it.

After practice Leah, Jodi, and I went to Grant and got food for us, Tia and Anna and then went and ate with Anna in her room because she's on room restriction:( I had fun hanging out with them. I think it's really sucky that Anna and Tia got in trouble for frat while other people get away with it, and they are a lot worse about it. The rules should apply to everyone.

Jaz and I threw around my football in centeral area this evening after I got back. Ez wouldn't come down and play with us. I'm sure that everybody was laughing at us, but it was fun. Cimino threw down his real football for us to play with. It was a lot nicer, but I need more practice. I'm also hopefully going to practice rugby with Tia and Jess, and learn lacross from Leah. I love sports. My dream right now is to buy a boat when I'm older that I can use for water skiing, tubing, wake boarding, knee boarding, and fishing. I'm also going to own kyacks, moutain bikes, learn how to play golf, rock climb a lot, go to the batting cages a lot, go white water rafting, and be a very active person overall. Maybe if I do that I can avoid having to run. I dont' think I want to do any of those things competitively because that kinda ruins the run sometimes.

I talked to Erich last night and told him that I won't be at church sunday. It makes me really sad, and he seemed sad too. I was depressed when i realized that I have regatta's everyweekend so I won't get to see him very much. I did see him twice today, which is very unusual. He asked if he could call me Katie, and I almost said yes. I said that I preferred Kate though. It's weird how the people that call me katie end up being the ones that annoy me the most, so I tell people to call me Kate. I asked if I could call him Erich and he said no. He wants to go by Cadet. (it's a joke). I asked how his legs are doing and he said that they're much better:)

Tuesday, April 02, 2002

(Written 3/30/2002 5:30 PM)

Right now I am truely a teenager. I haven't experianced this feeling of freedom and relaxation in almost a year. I'm lying on my bed with a towel still wrapped around my wet hair, my skin still drying off, wearing a tank top and shorts that my mom thinks are too short. My thoughts are of guys as I lay here listenting to the ocean surf pound against the beach. There is one guy in particular who's been in my mind all day. I wish he were here right now now with me.He's the one who makes me happy with out even trying no matter what mood I'm in.The person who I love talking to and spending time with. He is also the one who I try not to think of because now is not the time. The person who will remain nameless, perhaps forever. He does have a name. In fact he has had more than one name, but I refuse to speak his name for fear that if I do all hope will be lost and everything will be ruined. Someday I hope to be able to say his name, but many things must happen first. In the mean time I'm getting to know and like other guys because there is a great possiblity his name could change, it has before. Only time will tell.

I lay here lost in my youthful thoughts about love and romance, not wanting to face reality. My dream is the perfect romantic movie, but life isn't a movie. Sometimes it's worse, but other times it turns out so much better.