I feel like my world is slowly spinning downward. Grades, crew, friends, family, everything. The other day Mark asked me if I was okay because he said that I was starting to act like him. I don't know what's wrong. There's a real lack of motivation and I feel like there is a weight hanging on me.

Today I got my physics phaseline writ back. I barely passed with a 73/100. In math I got a 10/10 on a quiz where the average was 5/10, but we also had to turn in out math projects I don't think that my partner and I did the excel spreedsheet correctly or did the write-up very well. Then, in spanish we got back the wpr's from last week which I thought I'd done okay on, or at least passed. I got a 64%. There's a physics wpr on Saturday morning, AP wpr tomorrow, and 6 week grades come out at the end of this week. This is the first time that I'm actually concerned about those because of the grades in some of my classes.

When was it that I stopped being able to turn to my parents for someone to talk to? This has been on my mind for a few months or more. I don't tell them very much about my life. At least I don't think that I do. Sure, I tell them the basic facts about what I've been up to and what's new with life here, but I don't talk to them very much about guys, friends, how I'm feeling about stuff, and other things that sometimes I wish I could talk to them about. I don't know what that's the case. Perhaps it is because I don't want to dissapoint them or something, so I just hide some stuff. I also don't want to get lectured or be preached to. I know that if I tell my sisters something it'll probably reach my parents, so I don't tell them much stuff either. Why do I feel a need to do this? I guess I don't know how to talk to them.

Gotta love drunk cows and firsties. Tonight there was a cow/firstie bash and now they are all coming back. I'm on the Q and so I get to laugh at all of them.

Not much new going on here. Spring break is in 3 weeks. Once again the crew team is training over the break, but this year it's in Florida. There are some really good novies this year which is good, but that also means that I really have to start working hard in order to have a spot on the team next year. Annah gets a group of people to work out in the morning at 5:30, but I've found that when I get up that early I'm dead for the rest of the day. I know that morning workouts are really good for you and are supposed to energize you, but they seem to do the opposite for me. I have enough trouble staying awake in class as it is right now.

It's been over a week and still no word on who sent the roses. I guess I'll never know. Ah well, they were really beautiful, especially when they were next to the roses that Annah, Tia, Beth, Anne, Larissa, Leah, and Anthea sent me. I love my friends. They are awesome.

So many thoughts are running through my head right now. Many of them are conflicting. I feel like I've changed since November and I'm not sure how or why, or even if all of it is good. I'm trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be as a person.

My sister just told me that her best friend's dad was admitted to the hospital for a severe infection and that today they had to amputate one of his legs and don't know if he'll make it through the night. Last week one of my good friends lost her dad. Please pray for them.

I guess my mom might have cancer or something. I'm not sure what's going on. She said something about a node on her neck and the doctors not knowing if it's benign or not and her having surgery. She made it sound like it wasn't serious or anything. Right now I'm trying not to think about it. She said it's fine and so that means it is fine. It's nothing big, but that word scares me.

NOOOOO! Augh. stupid computer

Please tell me it didn't just lose that post.

Gotta love 3 day weekends. True, I'm stuck here, but I'm making the most of it. Yesterday I went to the mall with Margret and Katie. We had lunch at the Macaroni Grill, saw Catch Me If You Can, and then did a little shopping. I bought new mittens for today. Today I went to the ski slope with Mindy and Katie and Mindy taught me how to snowboard. It was awesome! Tomorrow I'll have a nice bruise on my butt, but it was more than worth it. James and I are supposed to go snowboarding tomorrow. Yay :)

Bored bored bored bored bored.
Why am I still here? Because I'm stupid and didn't sign up for pass because I didn't realize it closed so early. No excuse. I can't say it's because I have CCQ, or Sapper tryouts, hours, or didn't pass the IOCT. No, it's because I forgot to sign up. Augh! Somebody please come save me. Today I was going to sleep in really late. Unless you consider 7:30am really late, it didn't happen. I got 6 hours of sleep last night when I had the chance to get 12.

Coffee and sleep don't mix. I once again am realizing that one. Right now I have way too much energy due to a lack of practice today and a huge thing of coffee.

Today has been a very interesting day. It started out as a pretty normal day, and just got weirder. I figured that since it's Valentine's Day I'd probably get a package from my parents, a card from my grandmother, and maybe a small card from a friend on my team. Well, it turns out I was right about all of those, but there were also a few additions. One the crew team we exchanged names and got each other something. I had Leah and so I made her a little book with letters I asked her friends to write telling her how much they like her and other nice stuff. My person got me a big Hershey's chocolate kiss. My Mom sent me a package with a small box of chocolates, kettle corn, gummi bears, a card, and some smarties. Annah, Leah, Beth, Larissa, Tia, and Anne all chipped in and suprised me with half a dozen yellow roses. That was awesome. I love you guys. Josh gave me a little valentines thing that he got from his parents club. The big thing is that someone sent me a dozen long stem red roses, but there wasn't a card with them and so I don't know who they are from. There was only a small envelope that had my name on it and nothing inside. Nobody is saying that it was from them. I love the roses. They really brightened my day. I just want to know who sent them.

Happy Valentines Day

Why does this thing take forever to update?

For some reason I just haven't felt like writing much lately. I haven't felt the need to write like I usually do. Perhaps it is because I'm becoming better friends with more people here and am becoming more comfertable talking to them.

Happy Valentines Day

It's scary. I'm getting used to 5 hours of sleep a night. This morning the yucks had a meeting with Mike, the 1st SGT, down in the day room at 5:45am to discuss the state of the plebes in the company. Basically he said that they are getting promoted in 7 weeks, but some of them need a lot of work and we need to make sure that happens.

I was pretty hyper this afternoon and now I think it's because I'm tired. Today at practice we had to do a 2k. I got a 7:55.2, which is not my best time, but it's better than what I thought I'd get.

Dave Mathew's tickets went on sale today. People rushed down to the ticket office after breakfast, but the line was really long and slow. Right now I don't have tickets for the concert. Tara and Alyson both got tickets because Pete took the hit and missed class. I don't know if 5 hours would be worth it to me.

Attack of the civilians! Today I was coming out of math second hour and walked out the Robinson Auditorium exit. Hundreds of civilians were pouring out the doors of Rob Aud and going down the hall and also exiting the building. At first I didn't pay that much attention, but then I realized that there were a ton of them everywhere. It was strange. Jessica and I were walking together at that moment and we both felt kind of bad because we kept having to squeeze past the civilians who were walking slow in order to make it to our next class on time.

Brian stopped by yesterday because Alyson and him are taking dance lessons together. After the lesson he came by again and we talked for a little while. yay :)

Yesterday I also got a package from my Mom:) She sends the best stuff.

I guess I should start on my homework now. Today I had a math quiz and a spanish quiz. I did okay on both of them, but should have done better. Last night I barely got any real work done and so I woke up this morning and was a little stressed about it. If I want a chance at the NSA AIAD I need to at least maintain, and hopefully raise, my GPA this semester. Today in physics I actually came away with a much clearer understanding of what was going on. I think the fact that I actually asked a question helped with that, plus I payed really close attention after that. No wonder in 5th grade my teacher, Mrs. Smith, and my parents were trying to get me to ask more questions in class. It really helps out. Okay, so I've known that all along, but I don't do it very often. I'm still the shy, silent type.

One more thing. ANNAH RULES!

Yes, that was random.

The sun is shining, the sky is blue, and it's even warm out. Today's a beautiful day. Life is great.

Yay! It looks like practice today is just going to be the using the tanks and the X-siser. No erg:) Gotta love it. Hmm, for tomorrow it says 4 X 25 min erg/ dyno 3:1. I wonder if that means four 25 minute erg pieces. Ah well, no need to worry about it right now. Worrying does nothing. That reminds me, there's a 2k test on Thursday. This weekend Larissa made me promise not to tell Leah about it so that she wouldn't get stressed.

:)

That reminds me, my phone still doesn't work. They said they'd fix it first thing on Monday. Hmm. I'll try calling them again this afternoon. It's so odd that it all of a sudden stopped having a dial tone. Alyson and Mark have theirs working again and so I'm not worried.

Alyson just gave Tara and I each a Krispy Kreme doughnut. Yay:) Thanks Alyson.

This weekend was awesome. Leah is the coolest person in the world for setting all of it up. I got to know Brian. He is a great guy.

May God bring peace and comfort to the family and friends of the seven astronauts who died on the space shuttle Columbia today.