From the barrage of helicopters overhead about 30 minutes ago many people are guessing that President Bush is here already. I personally think that it's a little early for him to arrive here. He has more important things to do that sit around West Point for a day and a half until the graduation ceremony on Saturday. It's probably just some high-ranking staff members arriving. I've seen the Secret Service around this week in their suits and earpieces. They changed Benny's Lounge in Ike Hall into command central for the president. I guess no Cows are getting to use the Cow Club.

The Queen of Jordan was here on Tuesday and attended the new crew boathouse dedication. Of course it was my luck that I was lazy and failed to go to even though I was supposed to be there. My friend Annah was really excited because she got to meet her, talk to her in Arabic, and have a picture taken with her.

Getting up this morning at 4:35 AM was not fun at all. My alarm went off, I hit snooze, and then proceeded to half-dream that drill had been cancelled and that we would get to go back to sleep. No such luck. While I was calling minutes at 4:55 for breakfast all I could think of was that I'm so tired and it seems so early, yet this summer I'll be getting up at the latest only 5 minutes later, if they let us sleep even that late. It was a really depressing thought. I opened my wardrobe this afternoon and realized that this morning I'd been so tired I'd hung up the gym-a shirt that I sleep in. It doesn't belong in the wardrobe and I don't even remember putting it there.

w.bloggar isn't working for me:(

It's way to freakin early for this. Today I had to get up at 0435 for a 0455 breakfast formation because of drill at 0600 today for the graduation parade tomorrow. Yesterday I got up at 0455 out at Camp Buckner for morning PT which consisted of a 4-mile regimental run. Calling cadence for 4-miles is not easy. Right now I just want to go back to sleep, but I don't have enough time. It's gonna be a long morning with drill in half-an-hour and then a parade at 10:30AM.

My parents are leaving today around 8:00AM. They should get here late tonight and want to come to the graduation parade tomorrow morning. I can't wait till everything is over on Saturday afternoon and I can go home. Almost there.

Right now my room is an absolute pit. There's clutter everywhere because I'm packing everything. Only 4 more days and I'll be home for 20 days:)

This past weekend I went to NYC with Amaka and her brother. We stayed at the Plaza hotel, went to see Spiderman and Attack of the Clones, walked through Central Park, went to Times Square a lot, did a lot of shopping but not a lot of buying, and overall just tried to forget about school. It was Fleet Week so there were a ton of Sailors and Marines in the city. One guy tried to get Amaka and I to go to a bar by telling us about the free drinks and all the men in uniform that'd be there. A guy in uniform was the last thing that I wanted to see and I groaned.

Last night I wanted to talk to somebody and so I called Frank. While I'm home I'm hoping to go out with him for coffee or something and talk about everything that's happend. I think I need to get some things out in the open and ask for forgiveness. I'm hoping to break down some barriers that have been put up between us. He was practically my best friend during the first half of high school and then it just went down hill. I talked to Ez about it and told her the whole story starting from when we played catch in 6th grade. I miss him and our friendship.

Happy 21st Birtday Betsy!!!

And the loser is...ME!!!!!
I can't wait to get home, get out of here, have some time alone. Too much crap has happened in the past few days.

The Thayer method: "Open a book, attempt to read and understand it, and then jump of the roof of Thayer Hall because you don't understand any of it." -- Jasmin Smith.
I think that's a very good description.

It's 12:13 and I should be in bed, but I'm still up studying for my chemistry TEE tomorrow. It's my last one. Then I'm off to NYC for the weekend with Amaka and her brother. I can't call her Ez this weekend because that's her last name, at least an abbreviation for it, and it'd get confusing. This weekend should be fun, and the best part is that I don't have any homework or studying to worry about.

I talked to Matt today and he knocked a healthy dose of reality into my skull. I need to stop creating my own imaginary troubles. Friends are wonderful.

My random thought of the day "I have voices in my head that speak another language." I think I just weirded out Jasmin by describing it. See, sometimes when I'm going to bed I stop and listen to what I'm thinking about and I realize that my brain is speaking french, or sometimes Italian or something. But I don't know those languages so it's just a guess. I have no clue what my brain is saying so I just sit back and listen to it. I can't speak it out loud because it's talking to fast and I mispronounce things. Maybe I'm making up the words and it just sounds like french or Italian or whatever to me, but it's still pretty interesting. I know its happend at least twice before. Maybe I really am crazy. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! :)

Matt's site looks really weird when I use Netscape navigator to look at it, but it looks fine when I use Microsoft Explorer. weird.

Now it is :)

This isn't working!

Last night Dan came over to study history and we made a timeline on my wall. It was a lot of fun to write on the wall. Jumping on the bed was also a lot of fun. I just stood on it and bounce up and down as I wrote. Thankfully no officers or anyone came to check on us because I don't think they would've like to see writing covering the wall. It came off really easily with 409. Studying can be fun.

I grew up in a very charismatic family, Church and community and always took it for granted. When I was 2nd or 3rd grade I received the gift of tongues. It was never weird to me because I grew up surrounded by Spiritual gifts in action. I'd heard that many Lutheran Churches stayed away from them, but I never thought a lot about it. It wasn't until the sermon at Church this past Sunday when I realized that most people don't have any experience with them. To me it's comforting to speech in Tongues, pray over people and be prayed over, and observe the other gifts of the Holy Spirit, but to a lot of people it's weird. I remember when my dad prayed over Steph and later she told me she felt like it was something out of the Exorcist. I didn't know what to say. It's sad, but I had my group of friends whom I could discuss God and Christianity with and then I had those who I didn't because it was uncomfortable. Here I hardly ever talk about my faith with anyone.

I used to want to be a missionary. It was that or a soldier. Now, I'm a soldier. It's possible to be both. I used to talk to my Uncle Jeff about it. He's the one who actually got me thinking about West Point in 8th or 9th grade. My biggest problem is stepping out of my comfort zone. I'd rather stay right where I am, where it's safe and comfortable.

The new boat house is really cool! It's not down yet, but I got a tour of it. I think I'm going to live down there next year and only come back up to go to class and be in bed for taps. I can workout, shower, eat, do laundry, and stay in gym-A in the boathouse. It's perfect.

I got a B+ on my CS TEE. I guess that's okay, but I was one percentage point away from an A-. Tomorrow I find out how I did in english. I think I did okay, but not great. I'm not terribly good at writing. "Terribly good," what an oxymoron.

I haven't talked to him since Sunday, except the email. I saw him both yesterday and today at lunch, but I don't know if he saw me. I don't have time to think about this stuff right now because if I do I'll spend too much time anaylzing everything. It's probably nothing. Guys are so confusing to me.

I'd like to that Jasmin for the misspelling in the last post and Matt for pointing it out. I can't spell worth crap. Good news is that Clark and Chloe are dating. I don't watch enought tv i guess. This week i'm trying to make up for that.

I'm gonna miss central area next year. It's so fun at night. The boxing match was really funny. They used sockem booper things. If I only had a camera.

Don't join the Marines Whitney! Basic training sucks!!! okay okay, it's just a tv show, but... but... but. I'll just be quiet now. My opinion is that Clark and Chloe should get together. I'm all for that kind of thing happening. Some guys go after a certain girl for so long and never realize that the perfect girl is right there in front of them and has been all along. Awe, what a good show. Stupid guy with the binoculars. That peice of a spaceship looks like silicon. Hey, its reminisent of my prom. It was pouring when we got out of the limo. DON'T JOIN THE MARINES WHITNEY! Guys in civies look so much better. Awe, it's so nice when a guy tells a girl she looks beautiful. Jasmin is in the background saying "Whitney's going to die, Whitney's going to die." He's gonna get a major haircut. I should be studying, but this is too much fun. Do dances still have live bands? Hight school's never did. Awe,Clark asked Chloe to dance. That sky looks cool, I love storms, but flying mailboxes are not cool. It's like TWISTER the movie. 3 of them. wow. I agree with Jasmin, getting back in the car is not a good idea. A commercial right now is even worse of an idea. Come on, get back to the show. It's the season finale:( Hey, it's a rowing commercial, but not my kind of rowing. I don't like Ford very much. Never have. Yay! show's back. Famous last words "he'll be fine." The spaceship is glowing. weird. even weirder now. That's a lot of balloons on the floor. Cool. Awe. Clark and Chloe so cute together. Come on, kiss. NOOOOOO!!! STUPID TORNADO WARNING. He vanished. Yes Lex, the spaceship piece is gone. That's not a nice dad. darn. he's trapped. boo hoo. Lex should help him though. It's the right thing to do. That's a scary look in his eyes. Now it's one big tornado. bye bye farm house. Get out of the car Lana. Go Clark go! WHAT!!!!!!! THEY CAN'T END IT THAT WAY! THAT'S NOT FAIR. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Good music. Now back to studying.

20 used to seem so old, but now most of my friends are over 20. Thankfully I still have 1.5 years to go before I get there. I can't belive it. I remeber when my babysitter seemed like a grown-up to me, and she was probably only 12. Age here doesn't really matter. It's so screwed up. Some plebes are 24 or 25 while some firsties are only 21. When you're 27, like the First Captain, you're ancient and people joke about you needing a walker and depends. For some reason I just forget about the age of people in my classes and my friends and assume that they're all my age, but in reality some of them have a good 4 or 5 years on me. It's not a big deal, it's just kinda weird when I stop and think about it. I don't really have friends that age back home because they seem much older than me, but here I have a lot who are Heidi and Betsy's age. Weird.

Woohoo! Erich wrote back. It was a rather short message, basically just said trust God and good luck on TEE's. Now, back to life.

Matt rules.

I wonder if my parents really are getting Betsy a car for her birthday? I hope they do. My whole family is trying to get me to get Betsy a date for the dance. They keep mentioning it. I'm bad enough with guys by myself, but trying to find one for my sister as well. You may as well just send me to the nunnery right now. At least I have a few months left to avoid the topic.

When the aliens come, they'll eat the fat ones first...SO GO WORKOUT, FOR YOUR OWN SAKE!!!! -Adam
These words from the guy who I sometimes do laundry for. It's a crew thing.

Guys here are so refined. West Point has trained them well. Their language skills are off the charts and so they find it necassary to show the world their talent. They do this by yelling "dick" and "cock-sucker" out the window.

The boxing match in central area last night a few minutes before taps was fun to watch. Jasmin and I heard people yelling out their windows and thought it was someone doing the naked man and so we ran over to Ez's room. It's fun to watch the Officers and cadets on guard chase them. Last semster during TEE week there were 4 or 5 people who did it at the same time. Last year CPL Queen did it, but got caught. He ended up with 107 hours and 30-60 days of room restriction. He's now a century man. Something I hope to never be.

TEE week rules, except for the actual TEE part. There's one 3.5 hour test in the mornign from 7:35-11:05 and the rest of the day is free -- no formations or anything. After my CS TEE today which I finished at 9:45, I came back to my room downloaded MP3 Voyeur and searched for music and any cool movies on the network. I found a few recent releases, but not very many. Then I went to lunch, took a nap until 3pm, and then watched HeartBreakers. Midway through I stopped the movie and went on a jog to Trophy Point. The view is very magnificant. I sat by the Battle Monument and stared at the moutainous hills (thanks Jaz) framing the Hudson River far below. I love this place.

Yesterday Erich emailed me and asked me to go to breakfast, but I guess he didn't get my reply so it didn't happen. I sent him an email late last night. I don't really remember exactly waht it said and I don't think I want to find out either. I didn't tell him I like him, but I bet it was almost that bad. Now I'm laying low. If it's over it's over and was never meant to be. I have other things to spend my time thinking about.

12 days left and counting. Time flies by. Last year at this time the count down to R-day was going on. I'm so glad I'm not a new cadet this year. They're making Beast a living hell once again. My class got off so easy. I just hope we don't become known as "2005, too weak to survive."

I guess that if I find Betsy a date for the Camp Illumination dance at Buckner than she'll come up with my parents. I have no idea how I would go about doing that. I can just see myself going up to some guy and saying "Hi, want to take my sister to a dance?" Shoot me now. I don't want to subject Betsy to the guys here. There are a some nice ones, but they are few and far between, and also usually already taken. I seriously doubt that I'll do anything with this. It's just too weird. I don't even know if I'll have a date. It's too far in the future to think about.

Yesterday was the the company pig roast. On the way down the pig roast I laughed at how so many of my friends from back home would love to be in my shoes right now. So many jacked guys down at the river courts with out shirts on. All the new people from my class coming to the company next year were invited. Erich's really good friend, Patrick, was there. Even though I've met him twice, I wasn't sure if it was him because I'm really bad with names and faces. The pig roast was fun. I started out hanging out with Jaz and Ez, then I played frisbee with Meloy, Scheid, and Miller. After that I played catch with Hinchman, Sherk, and Mickie. I think the guys in my company were suprised at how hard I could throw. After that Soler asked me to play two-hand touch footabll with them and so I joined the plebe team along with Jasmin. She left about half way through the game and so I the only girl playing. It was shirts and skins, the other side being skins of course. I managed to score one touch down for my team. Who knows if we won or lost in the end.

I HAVE A 'C' IN ENGLISH!!!! Not a great grade by any means, but it's better than what I feared it'd be. Gotta love it. Now, on to the pig roast. The pig is in the orderly room under a table in a box. It's dead and gross.

Last day of classes :)

He who dwells in the shelter
of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of
the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord,"He is
my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly
pestilence.
He will cover you with his
feathers,
and under his wings you will
find refuge;
his faithfullness will be your
shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of
night;
nor the arrow that flies by
day,
nor the pestilance that stalks in
the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys
at miday.
A thousand may fall at your
side,
ten thousand at your right
hand,
but it will not come near
you.
You will only observe with your
eys
and see the punishment of
the wicked.
If you make the Most High
your dwelling -
eve the Lord who is my
refuge-
then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near
your tent.
For he will command his
angels concerning you
to guard you in all your
ways;
they will life you up in their
hands,
so that you will not strike
your foot against a
stone.
You will tread upon the lion
and the cobra;
you will trample the great
lion and serpent.
"Because he loves me," says
the Lord, "I will rescue
him;
I will protect him, for he
acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will
answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor
him.
With long life will I satisfy
him
and show him my salvation.
-Psalm 91 NIV

Psalm 91 is my favorite Psalm for a number of reasons. It was the first one I remember reading. Besty pointed it out to me when I was in elementry school and I loved it from the start. Reading it gave me a feeling of protection and comfort. It's also the Psalm I read to my Grandma a few hours before she died. That was one of the moments in my life that I'll cherish forever.

It was the summer going into my senior year of high school and I was going on a 2.5 week mission trip to Trinidad with the Word of God. Betsy went on the trip two years before and had a blast and so I was looking forward to going. A few months before I left my Grandma was diagnosed with cancer again, but this time we all knew that this was the last time. A few weeks before I left we got word that she probably only had a few months left to live. The news was hard to take, but I figured I'd be back in plenty of time to spend time with her and say goodbye. The Sunday I left I broke down crying in Church. There was a fear that something would happen and I would be in Trinidad when she died. She was declineing, but very slowly and so there shouldn't have been any reason to worry. When I got there I called home a few times to check up on how things were going. Then everything changed. My dad sent me a fax and told me that I should write a letter with last words to her. That was a very hard letter to write. I still have a copy of it at home. It tells her how much I love her and some other things. A few days after I faxed my letter to her word came that she had stablaized a bit and it looked like I'd make it home in time. It stayed that way for the remainder of my time in Trinidad. On the flight home there was a 6 hour lay-over at the airport in Miami. For some reason I had a really strong urge to call my parents. I got off the plane in Miami and looked for a phone. There were many around, but for some reason none of them would accept my calling card or any of my friend's calling cards. I spent hours looking for a way to call home while my anxiety hightned. I really needed to make that call for some reason. Finally, after about 4 or 5 hours I somehow managed to get ahold of a calling card and called my mom. It was then I found out that my Grandma's condition had taken a sharp decline and she didn't have very long, only a few hours. My parents told me that they had been trying to get me on an earlier flight home that day, but there weren't any avaliable. I still get choked up when I remember them telling me. To make matters even worse, right after I got off the phone it was anounced that our plane was delayed for another 2-4 hours. I had a feeling of utter hoplessness and grief. All I wanted to do was get home as soon as possible. When we eventually got in the air the flight seemed to take forever. I had a strong desire to give my Mom a huge hug all throughout the flight home. We reached Detroit and I was hurried of the plane and to my Parents and sisters who were at the gate waiting for me. We hurried to the car and I learned that she was still alive but in a coma at my Uncles house. A little after midnight we arrived there. I was let into the bedroom to see her. She looked so different, so frail, so small, and I started crying once again. They left me alone so that I could talk to her and my Mom handed me a Bible and suggested that I read a Psalm because she liked to hear them. It was then that I read Psalm 91 to her. I was very choked up and it was hard to read, but I'll never forget that moment. It's so special to me. I also was able to tell her that I loved her. The plan was for me to come back the next day and see her again, but my mom came into my room the next morning and told me that she had passed away that night. My family says that she was waiting for me to come home. That means the world to me. Grandma, I love you.

My legs are sore for once! I guess I did get a pretty good workout from swimming intervals last night. The best part is that it was fun. Too bad they're draining the pool for repairs on Saturday. I won't be able to go swimming again untill I'm home.

I wonder what it'll be like to be home for 3 weeks. I plan on working out a lot because of Buckner and Crew. I'll miss talking to and seeing Erich and all the rest of my friends here. It'll be nice to see the people back home.

Yesterday I was talking to Ez about guys as we walked to the pool. The guy I like (see name above) is so athletic and stuff and I'm no where near that. I can hold my own in most stuff, but it's not like I'm awesome at it. What if, supposing that there's a chance he likes me (who knows about that) he expects me to be awesome at everything also, and then I go and I'm not. I guess the obvious answer then is that he's not the right guy for me and I'm not the right girl for home. Sometimes I'm blind to the obvious answer untill I write it down. Now I feel better and need to get to class.

West Point is not a free education by any means. It's "$250,000 pulled out of our asses 1 cent at a time = 1 penny every 5 seconds for four years."

Some people see me as quiet, i see myself as a deep thinker. Some people think that I am really conservative, i understand that I think my choices through very carefully and decide for myself what is best. Some people think that I don't have interpersonal skills, I know that I just need a little more time to become comfertable and trust people. Some girls like guys because they are hot, I truely only care what is on the inside. Some people think that I will always be the way I am; I know that I am still growing and changing. Give me a chance and I may suprise you.

I went over to LT COL. Surdu's house for dinner tonight along with the other plebes that he and his wife sponsor. After dinner we discussed military life, our majors, and weapons systems. During the course of the discussion of weapons systems he mentioned that China was probably the next country the US would be at war with. The chinese are already starting to obtain nuclear submarines or something from the Russians. COL Surdu said that they will probably use these to attack US carriers. I asked him when he thought this might happen and he said in 10 or 12 years. As Molly then pointed out to me, that's the time when my classmates and I will be beginning to really take command in the army in a more prominent way. We have a very interesting future ahead of us. Who knows what'll happen.

I wonder if there are camera's in my room or in classrooms here. How much do they moniter, and who is the "they"? West Point trains and educates the future leaders of the Army and many of the leaders in the civilian world. I know they monitor our computers and stuff, but what else do they do? What don't I know about? How much do they know about me? I don't think I have anything to hide. That's one of the reasons I play it really safe all the time. Later on it won't be there to use against me if the need ever arises. I also hate getting in trouble.

Sharing is usually a good thing, but did Jasmin really have to share her headache? I got one at lunch and it lasted untill about 9:30. Headaches suck. Rain sucks too. It rained all day here. I was soaked at crew practice because all we did was stand outside and rig boats. I must say I love gortex. It kept the upper half of my body nice and dry.

18 more days. Only 18. I'm scared that I'll suddenly fail a class and have to stay for STAP. I don't want to have to go to summer school. I want to go home. 18 days = 432 hours = 25,920 min = 1,555,200 sec. I can make it.

Gotta love grey, rainy, cold weather. The nice view of the mess hall granite side doesn't help to cheer this room up. Maybe that's why they painted the far wall bright yellow. They're trying to trick us into thinking that this is a cheery place by hopeing I'll walk into my room and say "oh look at that bright yellow wall. That makes me so happy. I love this place" while I ignore the grey wall outside my window staring me straight in the face. It's not working.

I love Philly! It's now on my places I want to live when I'm older. Also on that list is Texas, Michigan, and New York.

Nationals was fun. My boat got 2nd in our heat and then 4th in the semi-finals. We rowed a 7:20-something friday afternoon and a 7:02 Saturday morning. That's a huge difference. Next year I hope we make it to the finals. What's cool is that now I'm on Varsity:) Yay!

Erich and I were supposed to go for a walk Saturday night after I got back, but I got back late and he had gone to see a movie with one of his friends because he didnt' know where I was. That's what I figured had happend, but since I was dissaponted about losing, exhausted, and sunburnt, I was in a really bad mood. Ez can attest to that. What I needed to do was sleep, but I didn't want to. Eventually I did around midnight and I was out.

This morning I went over to Erich's room to see him because he wasn't going to Church because of his allergy's. I wanted to go to Church, but I was in no shape to and I wanted to talk to him. It was nice to just sit and talk to him for a while.

Happy Mother's day!

YAY!! I got my cell phone last night along with a bunch of homemade food from my mom. I love packages from home and so do my friends. I took some funny pictures of Jaz and Ez eating the cookies.

Erich also IM'd me and we talked for over an hour last night:) That was great.

Holy Crap!!! I think I've been away from home for to long. Michigan is seeming less and less to be my home. Augh! On that note, I love New York for the most part. The hills/mountains around here are so magnificant. The drive to and from the regatta last weekend was awesome. I just stared out the window in awe. The race course had a beautiful setting. I love the outdoorss as long as I'm not doing military training in it.

I just had a near death experiance...in my mind. There was a math quiz last friday that my P said we could use our homework to help us out with it and luckily I had just done it the hour before. When I turned in the quiz I also turned in the homework just so that he would know that I hadn't cheated and been using something else. Today I got the quiz back had gotten a 93/100 on it which I was happy about. Then he came back with the homework that I had done and asked where the rest of it was. I was confused by that and said that was all that I had done. I'd only done 4 problems out of the assignment, but I thought he had said that we could use any of the stuff we had done, not that we could only use it if we had done all of it. He told me to see him after class. During class I was pretty nervous and tried to figure out what I had done wrong and how to correct it. I decided that a 10-15 point cut be fair on the quiz if I actually had missunderstood his directions. After class he came over and told me that he would have to write a note to my TAC because I had failed to meet the requirements. That got my heart racing. A note to my TAC over a small missunderstanding on a quiz? I'd face an Article-10 and hours from now untill the end of the school year. I asked him what the requirements were, just so that I could get it clear in my mind what I had actually done wrong before I faced the wrath of my TAC. Thankfully, my asking my P what the requirements were made him recheck the assignement and realize that he was thinking I had totally blown off a whole other assignment. The other assignement was for the people who had failed the FSE and had to do a ton of work or else eit be kicked out of here. I hadn't failed it and so I didn't have to do it. When my P realized his mistake he apologized and then said that he would still write a note to my TAC, but this one would be a good one about how I did my homework (very rare for people in that class). I just kinda stood there very very very relieved as the news sunk in that I wasn't in trouble and had actually done something good. I don't think my doing homework justifies a note to my TAC, but any good word put in on my behalf from a P is helpfull.

This weekend my boat got 4th place in the finals at New York States. Over all Army got 3rd place. I really wanted to get at least 3rd place in the race. We almost had it at the end. 15 more strokes would have done it, but it wasn't there. I didn't understand why I was so upset about it untill Beth was talking to me about it. I tried my best, but my best wasn't good enough. At West Point we're told a million times that we're the best of the best. It's hammered into our heads day after day. I never thought that I bought into it, but when Beth said that my best wasn't good enough, that got to me. Maybe I do except to be the best of the best all the time. I know that I'm not, but perhaps my mind believes that I'm supposed to be the best.

What adds to my unhappiness is my belief that my parents expect me to be the best, and then when I'm it's not good enough for them. I called home last weekend to tell them that we got first place and they were really excited about it, as was I. Then my dad asked me what Ivy League schools we had raced and there were'nt any there. In my mind that cheapend my victory. The truth is that we probably would not have beaten them if they were there. They recruit the best rowers in the nation, and on my team only 3 of us, myself included, have rowed before this year. I called home today to tell them about this race and when I said that we got 4th they were just like "oh, that's nice." Even yesterday when I called home to say that we got 2nd in our heat i felt like that wasn't good enough for them. They don't know how much we've improved and how impressive it is for a school that doens't recruit and faces the daily scheduale that we do to do that well. Last fall I didn't have the heart to tell them that I wasn't the stroke of the boat by the end of the season. I felt like that was their pride and joy of my doing crew beacause I was the leader of the boat. Luckily, I'm back in that spot this spring. They've been asking me when I call home to tell them how we did if I was the stroke. What happens if I say that I'm not? Does that cheapen how well I did in their eyes?

I think I'm just tired right now and need to rest. Once I do that life will be better. It usually works that way. I overreact when I'm tired. Need to work on that.

My A- in CS went down to a B+ because of the B on the IT project. Now I only have one A- and the rest are all B's. Last semester I was 296 in the class. This semester I think I'm gonna be lower. My friends on the crew team are all smart and have better grades then me. Molly is #1 academically in the class, Ann is #13, and a lot of people are high up there. I bet Wildermuth will be the first captain when we're firsties. He's prior service, on the jump team, #1 militarly and #8 academically. Jasmin said that she heard that over 100 girls have left from our class. That only leave about 80 of us. Kinda scary if thats true. 80 girls and 1000 guys.

This summer (by that I mean the 3 weeks I'm home) I want to go camping, kyaking, see my friends a lot, go to Isaac's T-ball game, sleep, eat, see my friends, relax, work out at domino's farms, go to Ceder Point, bike, swim, drive a car, see my friends, stay up late, sleep in late, watch movies, see friends. HAVE FUN!!!!

I really don't feel like doing homework right now. I have a history paper, english paper, and CS project due next week. I leave tomorrow and don't get back until Sunday night, and then I leave again Thursday and don't get back until Sunday night again. I'm screwed.

I haven't seen Erich all week:( I've talked to him a bit on IM, but it's been a Thayer week for him and so homework has gotten in the way. He wanted to introduce me to his dad this weekend, but I'm gonna be gone:(

I've noticed that I haven't really talked to Matt recently:( I miss him. I just thought of something horrible. What if we're growing apart. Time and distance do that to people. NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I don't want that to happen. The majority of our conversations now consist of saying hi, what were're doing at the moment, and maybe a few other words.

That reminds me. I should call or email Frank sometime. I feel bad that I never get around to talking to him. I think he gave up on emailing me because I took so long to respond.

I'm going home in less than a month:) It's so nice to know that I don't have to go through R-day and being a new cadet this summer. I think I've changed in the past 10 months. I've at least learned how to speak in a language that almost no one back home understands. I use Military/ West Point terms at home and don't even realize that no one understands me:

R&T, SAMI, AMI, PMI, WPR, WRIT, CCQ, CQC, CoC, ESP, yuk, cow, firstie, ADA, AOG, boodle, smack, brass, minutes, hours, CIC, ACIC, rack, smoked, TEE, trou, OC, civvies, CGR, tool, TED, BCG, ODIA, DMI, DPE, FCDT, green girl, corps squad, TL, SL, PSG, CO, XO, knowledge, orderlies, laundry, RTO, sound off, pop off, donkey dick, MRE, web ct, in-ranks, parade, 1-4 class, beast, CTLT, CPRC, MIAD, PIAD, AI, reorgy week, and lots more, but I'm so used to useing them that I don't think they're weird.

Recently I've noticed that my weird, random side isn't as profound anymore. Maybe I just don't have the time or energy. I have a larger ego, i know that. That's both a good and a bad thing. Good because it gives me more confidence, which I need, but bad because big egos tend to be bad.

Last weekend I thought about marriage a lot. There's a good possibility that I could engaged in 3 years. Right now I still think it's a little early to start getting serious because of time and other reposibilities, but that's not far off. I am looking for somethign more in a relationship right now though. It makes the whole thing with Erich very confusing for me.

I''m now the proud owner of a Koday EasyShare DX3900 Zoom with the Camera Dock. Good stuff.

YAY!!!! Thunderstorms are awesome. It started raining right before practice and ended right after practice, and now there's a thunderstorm. Margret called it West Point's way of hazing us. Drill was canceled today because of the drizzel. What sucks for them is that they'll have to drill on Friday because of the parade on Sunday. Gotta love crew with drill and parade autho's :)

I love the Simpsons!!!!!