Today was one of those days where I questioned if I'm pushing myself hard enough and felt like I'm not a good team leader, student, athlete, etc. I keep comparing myself to my friends and classmates here, which I know I shouldn't do. It's just so hard not to, especially when I'm always around them. Most of my friends are at the top of the class and seem to have straight A's in the advanced classes while I'm earning mostly B's in the regular courses. I don't spend the time on my classes that I should and that frustrates me, but yet I can't seem to find the motivation and self-disipline to put a lot of effort into the classes. I want to have straight A's, but when I make B's from doing minimal work I keep telling myself that's okay. I feel as though I'm below average.

Yesterday's dinner with Dr. Narverson went pretty well. I sat pretty close to him at the table and so was able to pay attention to what he was saying. Instead of talking about the topics of pacifisim and Just war like I thought he would, he instead focused mainly on Kant and his work The Metaphysics of Morals. There was an airforce cadet next to me who kept telling me that she was completly clueless about what he was talking about, but I found that if I actually listened closely I understood a lot of it. However, it wasn't that interesting. I don't like moral theory or any english type class for that matter. Give me logic and math any day and I'll be happy. The lecture that Dr. Naverson gave to all of the cadets in philosophy followed along exactly with the paper he wrote that we were supposed to read before hand. I'd read over it about twice because that's what I though he'd talk about at dinner, and so by the time the lecture came around I was thourghly bored, but was able to show Amaka, Rachel, and Abby how much time we had left in the lecture by pointing out exactly where he was in the paper. As James later wrote about it "it was an hour of my life wasted."

Today I finally got off my butt and started working on a solution to my being a crappy team leader. I haven't been spending the time on FCDT that I should and it's been boring, but today I came up with an idea that should make FCDT more interesting and helpfull for both Bowlby and myself. Over the next few weeks we're going to discuss OPORDER's, FRAGO's, different branches, different tactical equipment, and other such things as they relate to him planning a spirit mission and writing an OPORDER for it. Once this is done I'll get it approved and he'll carry it out.

I think I'm actually getting a little stronger with rowing. The other day I beat both Kathy and Tia and tied with Trish at 322lbs for the leg press thing on the Dyno's. With weight machines at Arvin I'm only at 360 lbs on the leg press, but hopefully if I work out there more frequently I can increase it to past 400.

This weekend I'm rowing in the B eight boat because our four accidently didn't get entered in the race. My boat is racing the A boat, two of the Canadian National team boats, plus everyone else entered in the same race. This week we've made vast improvements in our rowing ability. Our average 500m split came down to around a 1:55 and on power 10's we're getting down around 1:45. I'm happy because I'm starting to push myself a lot more out on the water. At first it sucks, but then I start to like the suck and keep pulling harder. My biggest weakness is that I rush the slide on the recovery. One thing I'm working on is completely relaxing during the recovery and then having a really fast leg movment after the catch.