I never want to be even slightly intoxicated in front of my subordinates. 21 Oct was the 21st b-day of someone in my company and she came back this evening very drunk. Since I was on CCQ I saw her as she tried to walk down the hall with the support of a good friend of hers and still managed to fall down at least four times. It was very funny to watch, but she's in my chain of command and although I understand that it's basically a 21st birthday tradition for most people, for some reason I was very sad to see it. A few plebes came by the ccq desk for something and saw her trying to walk down the hall. I tried to hurry them out of there as fast as possible. What I really wanted to do was prevent them from seeing anything, but that wasn't possible. Yes, drinking is a very prevelant aspect of most college life, but I feel that when a person sees a member of their chain of command, or anybody that they have respect for, drunk and looking like and idiot they lose some respect and will to follow that person. Maybe I'm too idealistic, and perhaps I'm expecting too much, but I want someone to be able to look up their chain of command and other people they respect and be able to say that those people exemplify what right looks like 100% of the time. Yes, there is some room for forgiving and forgetting, but right now I'm not sure where that line is for me. In my eyes my military and physical, and perhaps academic standards are not high enough and that bugs me. I think I have good morals, but don't want to push them on anybody. I do not drink, but am okay with going out with friends who do drink.

Why are drinking and smoking such a big deal to me? I don't understand why I have such a strong stance against myself doing either of them. This weekend I went to my first college party at BU and found the purpose behind it rather stupid. I had fun hanging out with my friends, but what's the point of haveing a party centered around some liquid that makes people act stupid and do things they'll regret. All the secondhand smoke also gave me a headache. I see no problem with something like a glass of wine at dinner or drinking beer when watching a game, but I find it revolting when the drinking is done to such an extreme that it impairs someone, especially when they do it on purpose. Does that make me really weird? I'm scared that my friends won't invite me anywhere because I don't drink, but I have fun in my own way. Perhaps I feel so strongly about all of this because I made it a goal to not drink until I'm 21 and to never smoke. Since I'm very goal oriented and very competitive it all comes out in my trying to achieve this.