The BBQ yesterday went pretty well. My family started showing up around 2pm and Steph came by around 2:30. I played with my cousins all afternoon outside blowing bubbles, tossing around footballs, and playing with the dogs. Betsy took Steph and I to Dominoes Farms Petting Farm to visit the rabbits and see the new babies. They're Flemish Giants and the grown ones are huge, but the babies are really tiny still. The goats were really cute and there were a few kids (young goats) roaming around that we got to pet. Mark came by around 8 just as all of my family was leaving. We sat around and talked and then Liz came by around 11pm. It was nice to see all of them and talk, but I was getting really tired and almost falling asleep around midnight.

Today I wore my uniform to Church because my parents wanted me too. I could have said no, but they love it when I wear it and I wanted to make them happy. Looking back on it I shoudl have just said no because I really felt uncomfertable wearing it today. It was very embarresing at Church because for some reason I just broke down and started crying. I think it was because of pms, Jon dying and never getting a change to properly grieve and have closure, feeling like everybody was staring at me because I was in uniform, and feeling very unfeminine. It sounds weird, but I put on the uniform and it's like I have to be this certain person who never shows emotion, who no guy will look at and see as beautiful, and like I intimidate people. Then to make matters worse I was crying in uniform which made me feel like I was disgracing the uniform and losing the respect of the people there.

I want to be a female. I don't want to scare guys, I don't want them to tell me that I'm stronger than them or have bigger muscles then them. I to be seen as a beautiful, intelligent, nice person who can laugh, cry, dress up, dress down, and is attractive.

After Church Matt and I went out to lunch. We got subs from Jimmy Johns and then ended up going to a park, found a bench, ate our subs and talked.

When I got home Heidi took me to her new house to show me it. It's a pretty nice place.

Last night around 11pm Misha called me and asked if I wanted to do something today and so we deicided to go see a movie. He picked me up around 4pm and we went and saw My Big Fat Greek Wedding. It's a hillarious movie. I'd definetly recommend it. I thougt that it was really cool that even though we're just friends he still paid for the tickets. After the movie Misha and I drove downtown and walked around campus for a while while we talked. I asked him all these questions about what going to UM was like and he showed me all these different buildings and beautiful places. After a while we went to Starbucks and I bought a carmel frappacino. It's really bad for you, but it tastes great and I love it. Hanging out with Misha was a lot of fun. I hope that we can do it again sometime.