A couple of weeks, or maybe it was months, ago I wrote about how I had decided that "I wanted to try and not focus on guys/relationships and not date anyone for at least the next three months." Well, over the past three months I've done a lot of praying, thinking, and reading, and come to some realizations about myself and where I am. I used to think that I was ready for a relationship, and that the only thing I was waiting for was for the right guy to show up. However, I now believe that even if Mr. Right did show up right now I'd have to send him away and tell him to come back later.

Although I still sometimes wish I were in a relationship right now, most of the time I no longer feel that longing. That is not to say that I do not hope to one day be in one, however, I am not mature enough to be in one, nor do I have the time or energy for one at the moment.

When I say that I am not mature enough for a relationship, what I am mostly talking about is spiritually maturity. This semester I've been trying to put God first, draw closer to Him, read the Bible more, grow in my faith, and learn as much as I can. I've felt like God has been telling me that I'm in a period of growing and waiting right now, and to focus my time on Him and not even look for a relationship.

I know that if a guy entered the picture right now I would not be able to handle it, because I would end up letting the time I spent with either God or the guy slip, and it most likely would be God. Therefore, I have no interest in a relationship at the moment.

I don't know how long this period will last for me, but I am fine with however long it takes, as long as God remains number one in my life.

I need to learn how to love God and others, and also accept God's love.
I need to learn how to put God first at all times in all things.
I need to have a more personal relationship with Jesus.
I need to grow in my faith and become more firm in my beliefs.

Any thoughts?