I would look concerned/wary too if I was the one about to hear THE BATH story. Yes, all capital letters is justified for the title of story of the trauma I inflicted on you that night.
Your diaper was quite poopy and you were not at all happy about having to sit in it. Plus, having emptied your bowels you were also hungry, so even after the diaper change you were still upset.
I did my best to change your diaper and feed you as quickly as possible once we arrived home, but I have not perfected (or even tried) the diaper change while feeding technique...if such a thing even exists.
Unfortunately, there was more trauma yet to come.
After you were fed you had a bath. Not just any bath either. Your first bath in your own baby bath tub. It was also your first bath with me not having any additional assistance.
It started off pretty well for the first two minutes...then, I actually started the bath.
After you were fed you had a bath. Not just any bath either. Your first bath in your own baby bath tub. It was also your first bath with me not having any additional assistance.
It started off pretty well for the first two minutes...then, I actually started the bath.
You did no appreciate having your hair washed and let me know it by crying.
Then you pooped.
It of course was the very loose, diarrhea-like mustard yellow infant poop that gets everywhere. Since you were in the newborn sling in the baby bath the poop mostly pooled in the sling.
I lifted you out and did my best to try to keep you warm while I dumped the bath water, rinsed the sling, wiped you off since you had been sitting in the poo, and then reassembled everything. In dumping out the bathwater into the main tub, however, it meant that there was baby poop floating all over the big tub now even though you infant tub was poop free.
Ignoring the poop filled large tub, I decided to continue on with your bath. The sling was wet and cold when I put you back in it which made you even more upset and scream that much louder.
From then on everything would've gone just fine, save for a strange running water noise I heard coming from the vicinity of the toilet. I had the shower running (not on you), so I just assumed the running water had something to do with the shower and not the toilet.
It wasn't until I was getting out out of the bath and drying you off that I noticed the floor seemed very wet around the toilet. In fact, the whole toilet looked extremely wet.
Sometime during the poop incident I leaned against the handle of the Biffy Toilet Bidet thereby turning it on. Though the toilet lid was down, the water still sprayed up, hit the lid, and then sprayed out the sides of the gap between the lid and seat and onto everything nearby.
Your look of shock and concern is very appropriate.
Then you pooped.
It of course was the very loose, diarrhea-like mustard yellow infant poop that gets everywhere. Since you were in the newborn sling in the baby bath the poop mostly pooled in the sling.
I lifted you out and did my best to try to keep you warm while I dumped the bath water, rinsed the sling, wiped you off since you had been sitting in the poo, and then reassembled everything. In dumping out the bathwater into the main tub, however, it meant that there was baby poop floating all over the big tub now even though you infant tub was poop free.
Ignoring the poop filled large tub, I decided to continue on with your bath. The sling was wet and cold when I put you back in it which made you even more upset and scream that much louder.
From then on everything would've gone just fine, save for a strange running water noise I heard coming from the vicinity of the toilet. I had the shower running (not on you), so I just assumed the running water had something to do with the shower and not the toilet.
It wasn't until I was getting out out of the bath and drying you off that I noticed the floor seemed very wet around the toilet. In fact, the whole toilet looked extremely wet.
Sometime during the poop incident I leaned against the handle of the Biffy Toilet Bidet thereby turning it on. Though the toilet lid was down, the water still sprayed up, hit the lid, and then sprayed out the sides of the gap between the lid and seat and onto everything nearby.
Your look of shock and concern is very appropriate.
Since I knew I already had a bathtub to clean later, I decided getting you to bed was my top priority. Cleaning the poop-filled bathtub and drenched toilet and floor could wait until after you were asleep.
Thankfully, when I returned to the scene of the bath disaster an hour or so later the clean-up looked much more manageable to me.
That said, I completely understand if you were traumatized by the whole experience and later in life join a religious order that abstains from bathing (though I have no idea if such a thing exists). Hopefully the new bath tub I bought you today will work out better for you.
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