42 Weeks

Dear Ava,

Happy almost 42 or so weeks of age!

I think the Korean's have a more accurate age system then we do in the West. In the Korean age system, when you are born you are already thought of as one year old. The system gets a little more complicated from there, but thinking of a person as one year old from the moment they are born sure makes a lot more sense to me than discounting the previous 40 or so weeks of their life.

From the moment you were conceived I was your mother and Joseph was your father. The fact that we did not yet know about you does not preclude the fact that you existed, you existed as a member of our family, and you were already growing and developing at an extremely rapid rate.

Here you are sucking your thumb around 20 weeks:

When I told both your dad and Grandma P. about you I used the present tense saying "you are a dad" and "you are a Grandma". That is because you already existed and were developing as a completely unique individual. Whether or not I was conscious of your existence before then, my body was already nurturing you, feeding you, and taking care of you as a mother. Even if I had miscarried or you were stillborn it would not negate the fact that you existed and carried half of my genes and half of Joseph's genes as our child.

Unfortunately, most people don't think like that. They count motherhood and fatherhood as beginning when you are born. One coworker even corrected me when I called Joseph a father before you were born.

While being a mother and father changes dramatically at birth, it also changes quite dramatically at many other stages of life. Sending a son or daughter off to college, or watching them marry, or even going through every parent's worst nightmare and having to bury a son or daughter doesn't change that a person was and still is a mother and a father. The responsibilities change, but the relationship tie/bond/genetic code can never be broken despite how hard some people may try.

From the moment you were conceived I am your mother, Joseph is your father, and you are forever part of our family. So, whether you like it or not you're stuck with us. I'll put some more money in the therapy savings fund for you.