Change

Change. I do not deal very well with change, especially when I am not able to ease in to it. Last year when it was nearing the end of my tour in Iraq I dreaded coming home. It was not that I enjoyed being in Iraq, but it was what I knew. The thought of the all the changes that lay ahead terrified me. Looking back I can see many instances where I was terrified of the changes that lay ahead. One was the change of command midway through Beast. Though my squad did not particularly like our first squad leader I was not looking forward to the switch to a new squad leader because it would be adjusting to a new person, who could be better or worse then the first. Turns out we liked our second squad leader a lot better.

When I go home I always imagine that it'll be a sort of escape for the hectic life I currently live and all the changes that lay ahead. I get sucked into thinking I'll be returning to the the comfort and familiarity of the life I left behind....but I don't. I come home to change. Lots of change. Life has moved on since I left. The house is nearly always different in some way when I come home, be it a change in a room's décor, or just new dinner plates. The neighborhood's changed with new houses being built in the fields I used to escape to for solitude. People have changed, gotten older, gotten married, lived their lives. At least when I am back where I live in Texas I have gotten used to the familiarity of my surroundings and can slowly adjust to the changes as they happen because I am present to watch them. When I come home to Michigan it is like being hit with a million changes all at once and nothing is familiar.

I noticed over Thanksgiving that I had a somewhat hard time while I was home, but then when was in Minnesota my mood and outlook was vastly improved. Perhaps it was because I had no expectations for the familiar since it was my first time visiting Betsy and Mark. I was not constantly surrounded by reminders of all that I have missed in the time I've been away and all that has changed. I could truly relax because I was not trying to reconcile my memories of the past with the state of the present.

Change is not bad, but it is overwhelming at times.