Taji

A couple nights ago I had a dream that I was at home on leave, but instead of getting ready to go to NTC on Friday I was instead getting ready to deploy back to Iraq on Friday. In my dream I was talking to someone about it and the reality of going back to Taji for 15 months was sinking in during the dream. I don't mind going back, but what I am dreading is being there for 15 months. Last year around this time I was starting the countdown to coming home because it seemed like it was almost around the corner. Realizing that the unit that replaced us still has a long ways to go blows my mind. I think have about four months left in the states, but the months have been speeding up recently because there is so much to do an so little time. I wonder if once I get back to Taji it'll feel like I ever even left. I can still picture almost every detail of my run routes around the camp, the faces of the workers at the laundry facility, all of the ied hot spots on a map in MND-B (though I'm sure they've changed over the past year), the long stretches of commo blackouts, the Tigris River Chapel and the airfield gym. It's still all so recent in my memory. I was a fobbit last year and so, for the most part, all I knew was the camp. This coming tour I will start out as a fobbit given the mission of my platoon, but I don't know what position I'll be in later on in the rotation. Will I still confuse the sound of a controlled det or an ied blowing up off in the distance with the sound of a garage door closing? For some reason they sounded very similar to me and so when I heard the detonations I immediately thought of the garage door at home closing. It still hasn't completely sunk in yet that I'll be back there before the end of the year.

I've Changed

I keep thinking about writing in here, but often it is pessimistic rantings and so I refrain. I also don't have the time or creative energy to write. I don't have a lot of time or energy to do much of anything anymore. It's gotten to the point where I am looking forward to getting back to Iraq because right now things back here seem a lot more demanding and crazy than life over there. It stinks to be here with things the way they are, and it stinks to be there, but I'd rather be in Iraq.

I realized a couple weeks ago that I am no where near ready to get married, nor do I even want to consider being in a relationship right now. Finally admitting that was rather freeing. The scary thing is that I was reading a few blogs today written by women a few years older then me who have kids, and the idea of being a wife and mother was something that seemed so overwhelming and exhausting that it lost it's appeal to me. Maybe I will just stay single. My reasons for wanting to remain single aren't good at all and seem quite selfish. I like my sleep, space, personal time, quiet, and ability to crash on the weekend and not move from my bed for most of the day because I'm so worn out. The last one, not being able to move from my bed, is not something I actually enjoy because I'd rather have the energy to move, but right now I have the freedom to stay and bed and not move because I have no energy.

SHADOW TUAV

These are a couple pictures of Shadow Tactical Unmanned Aerial Vehicles that my platoon operates. We finally had good weather for 4 days straight last week and got in some flights.

On a completly different note, CONGRATULATIONS BETSY AND MARK!!! I can't wait to meet my niece or nephew:)

R-Day

Happy R-day USMA class of 2011. 

Thinking

There are times that I wish I knew without a doubt that I was outwardly ugly, because then I would also know that if a guy were ever to be attracted to me it would be because the part of me he likes most is who I am as a person instead of how I look on the outside.

Crossing The Finish Line

Here I am crossing the finish line at the marathon. The time reflected is not my chip time but the time of the marathon. My chip time was a little over 10 min faster.

Yesterday I tried to go for a run, but experienced some lower back pain that I haven't had before and so I turned around after 2 blocks. It felt like cramps in my lower back because it was more of an ache than a sharp pain and would disappear when I walked. Perhaps I need to stretch my hamstrings more or something.

Rambelings

At times I feel so old and like I have far to much responsibility for a 23 year-old, and then at other times I feel incredibly young and immature for my 23 years of age.  It boggles my mind that I am leading more than 20 soldiers, some whom have over a decade more experience in the military than myself, and overall responsible and accountable for somewhere between 2-10 million of dollars worth of equipment.  Thankfully, my platoon sergeant is awesome and I lean on him heavily.  It's in the military setting, due to the magnitude of responsibility and constant demands, that I feel older than 23.  Outside the military, when interacting with my non-military peers in a social setting, especially when they are married, I feel incredibly young. 

 

I used to want kids, but I'm never around them and now they intimidate me.  I don't know how to interact with them.  I still love kids and wish I was better with them, but I have no clue what to do.  Truthfully, I see a kid and I distance myself from them now.  It may sound weird, but the reason I back off from them is that I don't want them to make it blatantly obvious that they don't like me and I'm not good with them. 

 

Someday I want to taste success for more than a single day.  I want to be in a place where I don't feel guilty if I go home at night even though I worked 12-14 hours that day;  A place in life where I'm not constantly hanging on by my fingertips trying to juggle all the glass balls and then having more thrown into the mix at any given momement;  Where I am making a difference and sharing Christ with people; A place where I can actually be and feel like a woman;  A place that I smile more than I frown;  A place where I know what I am doing and am comfertable instead of always flying by the seat of my pants; A place where there is hope;  A place where individual people matter more than numbers and statistics;  a place where people are taught to love one another.  Does such a place exist?

Late Night Thoughts

Bold Color Dry Erase….Thus claims the EXPO dry erase marker that is on the table in front of me. I wonder how well it would sell if perhaps instead of "bold," the color were pegged as "audacious" or perhaps "daring." I can easily understand why the manufactures choose to call the color bold over my two suggestions, but why must the color of the marker even be marked as bold in the first place? Are there colors that are not bold? Looking at the end result of the marker on paper, to me the color appears to be a normal orange hue. In fact, it reminds me of an orange creamsicle. Would I call a creamsicle bold? Probably not, though they are quite tasty.

Now you may be wondering what has provoked me to write about a phrase on a dry erase marker, especially at 1:00 AM, though I don't expect to post this entry for quite a while so I can not expect you to know that it is currently 1:00 AM. Whether or not you know the exact time that I am writing this entry is of little consequence, and my reason for writing is of no more importance either. The reason for my writing is that I am on Brigade Staff Duty and awaiting the time to do my after-midnight checks of the BDE footprint. Being that it is after midnight at the moment, I could knock out the checks right now, but that would leave me with a good chunk of time afterwards when I doubt I'd have the mental capacity to contemplate such highly stimulating things as bold color dry erase markers. Of note, these particular markers are certified AP Nontoxic. I feel much safer knowing that a certain Ian M. could chew on as many of these markers for as long as he like without any damage due to toxins. I say his name because I recall a certain day long ago when my Mom was picking him up at his house for one thing or another and he came out to the car with his teeth a rather striking shade of purple, or some other equally bold color. He had discovered the markers that smell like fruit and decided to taste them. Though I am sure I outwardly acted as if he was an idiot for doing so, inwardly I wished that I could do the same because they did smell rather enticing. I have done my fair share of voluntarily tasting different substances in my youth, such as hand soap. I do not recommend anyone else try it. I am told that I once tasted bird droppings, though I do not recall doing so and do not wish to repeat that taste testing.

Having covered bold markers and taste testing quite thoroughly, it is now time to move on to another topic. In recent weeks my life has consisted of 13+ hour work days, 5 days a week, with weekends taken up moving or with more work related things. There have been some major changes, such as my old roommate getting out of the army and moving away, resulting in my moving into a new place with two new roommates, though one has yet to arrive. I do not handle change well, and with the constant demands at work, a lack of exercise/running, and dealing with moving into a new place, my outlook spiraled downward. My trip to San Diego and running the marathon proved to boost my mood for a couple days, but already the downward spiral has returned.

Running a marathon is something I never imagined I could accomplish until less than 5 months ago. Had my friend Lindsay not been the one to suggest it in the first place as a way for us to briefly hang out again after almost a year, I probably never would have run one. Now that I have run one and come to the conclusion that almost anyone can finish a marathon if they have enough determination, I think I want to run another one. Though my goal was just to finish and I told myself I wouldn't care about the time, I know that I can do better than my 5:02:10 if can manage to be more consistent in my training and also run a smarter race. Although my training this last time was sub-standard, it must have worked a little because my muscle and joint soreness was nowhere near the level I expected after the marathon, and today I was not sore at all. Were I not on BDE Staff Duty tonight I would have tried to go for a 2 mile jog this evening. Yes, it would have been very light and easy. Two nights ago I looked up post-marathon recovery information and today was the first day they listed as it being okay for me to do a light jog. Since I couldn't go for the run, I went for an 800m swim at lunch instead. I do not know if I will be able to run another marathon before I deploy due to 4 weeks of NTC in AUG/SEP messing up training time for another one. I will never be a fast runner, but I can always compete against myself.

The News Story

Tornado wreaks havoc in Killeen Posted on: Saturday, May 26, 2007 By Kevin M. Smith
Killeen Daily Herald

A small tornado made a brief touchdown in Killeen on Friday afternoon, terrorizing residents of an apartment complex and some houses on the eastern edge of town.

"We're the lucky ones – the Dumpster didn't land in our living room," Martina Herrera said.

Herrera's husband, Antonio, was sitting on the patio of their apartment a little after 5 p.m. Sunday when he saw the small tornado rip through the parking lot. Antonio rushed into his apartment, where his wife was making sandwiches and a friend was using the computer.

"It sounded like a train was going through our apartment," Martina said.

They huddled in the bathroom for about 30 seconds as the twister – about 300 feet from their building –

tossed dumpsters and other debris around the complex. It peeled off the top layer of several apartment building roofs, knocking down air conditioner units and moving cars.

Martina said they had no idea it was coming.

"We didn't get a warning here, and here it comes," she said.

Martina said the lights went out about a minute and a half before the tornado hit.

Then the Herreras had some options: sleep on the floor with no electricity in an empty apartment in their complex, stay at their current apartment with no electricity or go to the Killeen Community Center. They said they wanted to stay in their wet apartment to ensure there was no looting.

"We've been flooded and tornadoed in 24 hours," Martina said.

Martina's friend, Andrea Jacobs, is from California. This was her first tornado.

"It got quiet and it felt weird," said Jacobs, who has lived in Killeen about a year.

That's when Antonio rushed into the room to tell them there was a tornado.

Glenn Maddox was coming home in time to watch it rip the roof off his second-story apartment.

"I've been through a couple," Maddox said.

He was taking his family to Austin to stay with a friend for the weekend until electricity was restored.

The tornado was first reported at about 5:10 p.m. between the 700 and 1000 block of Twin Creek Drive in eastern Killeen. The twister went on a northwest track, uprooting trees, knocking down fences, tearing up portions of buildings, including a dry cleaner business on Rancier Avenue, before hitting the Allora Way apartment complex in the 4100 block of East Rancier Avenue. It skipped through Long Branch Park, causing minor damage.

"It just kind of bounced around," said Carroll Smith, Killeen Police Department spokesperson.

Smith said no injuries were reported.

"But there is quite a bit of damage to residences," she said.

According to the National Weather Service, the funnel cloud was spotted over Fort Hood, but as of press time no damage was reported on post.

A shelter for residents affected by the floods and tornado is at the Killeen Community Center, 2201 E. Veterans Memorial Blvd.

Graduation

Congratulations USMA Class of 2007!

Tornado

Yesterday there was a big thunderstorm here. In the evening Andrea and I drove over to Jordan's house to watch a movie and eat pizza.  It wasn't until then that we found out we both somehow managed to miss the tornado that hit our apartment complex.  I was taking a nap and Andrea was in the shower when it tore off the chimney and brick siding off of one of the other buildings in the complex, as well as caused other damage.  Neither of us had a clue there'd been a tornado until we saw the destruction.  

It's Official (UNCLASSIFIED)

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED

Caveats: NONE

MSNBC News Services

 

WASHINGTON - The Pentagon has notified more than 35,000 soldiers and Marines to be prepared to deploy to Iraq beginning this fall, a move that would allow commanders to maintain the ongoing buildup of troops through the end of the year if needed.

 

The 10 brigades are: the 2nd Stryker Cavalry Regiment in Germany; the 4th Brigade, 3rd Infantry Division from Fort Stewart, Ga.; the 1st, 2nd and 3rd Brigades of the 101st Airborne Division from Fort Campbell, Ky.; the 3rd Armored Calvary Regiment from Fort Hood, Texas; the 2nd Brigade, 1st Armored from Germany; 4th Brigade, 10th Mountain Division from Fort Polk, La.; 2nd Brigade, 25th Infantry Division from Hawaii; and the 1st Brigade, 4th Infantry Division from Fort Hood, Texas.

 

Copied from: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/18553877/

 

Looks like I’ll be spending the next two Christmas seasons in Iraq.  15 months of fun, here I come. 

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED

Caveats: NONE

It Never Ends (UNCLASSIFIED)

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED

Caveats: NONE

I have not written very much recently because I don't have a lot to say.  When I sit down to think over my life I swing from depression about my current situation to reprimanding myself for not being grateful for the blessings and opportunities in my life.  When is the last time I really cared about something?  How long has it been since I've been either happy or sad?  I'm stuck in a middle ground of little emotion.  The faces of the people around me are tired and stressed.  People jumping through hoops to meet one demand upon another.  The workload never decreases; the day never ends; the weekend never comes.  Work 24/7/365.  Never enough time.

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED

Caveats: NONE

Yay!

Congratulations Heidi and Kevin on your engagement! :)

Bored on FOB Raider

This evening marks the 1/3 of the way through point here on FOB Raider. There are two more weeks of fun left in this great field exercise. I am once again a fobit, save for when I go with my platoon on a patrol to the TUAS launch and recovery site during the day. The days are long, average at least 14-16 hours of work every day, but not jammed packed, which makes the days feel even longer. Life on the FOB is not too bad, just boring. I am trying to keep my platoon occupied with training on the Raider Big 10 and the 40 Warrior Tasks, but my soldiers would rather be flying and are rather bored most of the time with life here. We are not providing anything of value to BDE since our equipment has not returned and 3rd ACR , so instead my soldiers end up being tasked out to do details such as KP.

Adam just called. I haven't talked to him in awhile.

Heading to the Field

Tomorrow I head out to the field for three weeks.  I keep trying to tell myself that it's like going camping, but I have yet to convince myself.  Besides, I will most likely be spending most of my time in the brigade TOC trying to pretend like my platoon actually has equipment and is a useful asset for this training exercise.  Too bad we won't get any of our equipment back from reset until after we return from the field, so my soldiers and I who are stationed up in the TOC may be twiddling our thumbs for a bit while being yelled at for not providing any UAV coverage with the equipment we don't have.  The next few weeks should be an interesting experience to say the least. 

15 Months

15 month deployments are the new standard as of yesterday.  That's a long time to be deployed.   

 

Over there now:

Rachel

Charlie

Jordan

Phil

Ben

Brian

Austin

Dan

Leah

 

Headed over in the next few months:

Jim

Mike

Celio

 

Just to name a few off the top of my head.

 

Tired...

Be Thou At Peace

I found out today that another classmate, 1LT Phil Neel, '05, was killed in Iraq on 08 April 07.  I remember him most from the OCF Rocky Mountain High trip a few weeks after graduation.  He was a great guy. 

 

Well done; Be thou at peace.

http://www.west-point.org/users/usma2005/61896/

Too Much

Numb...

Hits Closer to Home

This evening I received a distro email update from the father one of my friends from West Point informing everyone that a few days ago my friend was out with her MP team and her team was hit by an IED (roadside bomb).  The IED killed four of her soldiers.  Even though I spent a year in Iraq and my brigade suffered losses like that at times, I didn't know any of the platoon leaders of the soldiers who died, and I didn't have a platoon of my own at the time.  What I am trying to say is that the news always hit me hard, but it wasn't as personal.  Now, I don't even want to think about what it would be like to lose one of my soldiers, let alone four.  Please pray for my friend Jordan and her platoon.