Berry is really cuddly right now. She is also very clingy. Right now I'm sitting at the computer and she's right beside me looking at me with her puppy eyes. Either she wants food or wants to go outside. I better go see which one it is.

Ever notice that while you're talking to someone you feel a constant need to reaffirm your selfworth and show that you are as good as them, if not better? Not a healthy feeling by any means. I've caught myself in that trap a few times in the past month or so and now that I've noticed it I'm trying to do something about it. Just what that is, I'm not quite sure. As a whole, I'm fine with who I am right now, what I'm doing, what I've accomplished, where I'm headed in life, what kind of person I am, and all that stuff. However, every so often out pop those horrible thoughts that I'm not good enough, I'll never be accepted, everything is fake, and basically I'm worthless. It is at those times that I remember that: 1. God loves me, made me who I am, has a plan for my life, is in control, I can turn to Him, and He never makes a mistake. 2. My family loves me, supports me, and likes me the way I am. and 3. I am surronded by friends who I know I can trust, like me for who I am, and support me. What it all boils down to is that money, material possesions, looks, knowledge, etc, can all fade away, but no matter what happens, no matter the circumstances, I'll always be a child of God and loved by my Father in Heaven. So when I feel the need to reaffirm my selfworth and value, I am forgetting, and thereby rejecting in a way, who I really am and what Jesus has done for me by dying on the cross to save me. He wouldn't do that to save someone who is worthless and He didn't love, yet He made the ultimate sacrifice for everyone's sake. Therefore He must think everyone is worthwhile and He loves everyone , but it is my choice whether or not I accept His love.

No clue if that made any sense or not. I just wrote with the flow and it's 2:30am. I'm going to bed.

I just finished watching a thing I put together for my friend Annah for her birthday and it made me miss her and all my other friends from school. This morning right after I got up Annah called me, and then later in the day I talked to Anne online and on the phone. Save for during my trip to Albequerque this past summer, I think this is the most I've ever kept in touch with my friends from school over a break. It seems like we all have similar feelings of missing each other. I really like having a break, but it's more than a week before I get to see all of them again and it seems so long.

Plebe year and the beginning of yearling year I didn't believe Annah and James when they told me that I wouldn't want to go home as much. I still have friends around here, but it's not the same as it was in high school. We've all changed a bit and gone different ways.

Teresa called me today and we got together a plan to hang out next week. I haven't seen or talked to her since this summer. She told me that over her recent trip she got engaged. While I was talking to Anne later on the phone I mentioned that fact and said it seems like there's an engagment virus going around. She joked that it must be pretty contagious and suggested I wear a gas mask when I see Teresa or else I may catch it. I guess I'd better wear one when I see Stephanie as well because she's engaged, or will be in just a few days. She showed me a picture of the ring she's getting from Nick on the 4th. It's so beautiful. Anyway, I think I'm safe from that virus for now.

Yesterday I woke up, looked out the window and realized it was snowing. There was about an inch or so on the ground. It was a white Christmas :) It didn't snow much more, and didn't stick around for very long, but the little there was looked nice. Christmas with my family was nice. It's not quite the same as it was when I was little, because all of my sisters and I are older, and Heidi has her own house, so we don't get up at 6am anymore and race downstairs.

Today we went over to my Grandma's house. I really liked seeing Anna and Isaac, my little cousins, again. At school my friends always hear all about them. They kept climbing all over me and asking for horsey and piggy back rides, along with one they invented called the robot ride. It was easy when they were really little, but now that Anna is 5 and Isaac is 6 it makes for a really good workout, especially when they both climb on at once.

Towards the end of the evening my left ear started to hurt a little. By the time we opened presents it was throbing and occasional sharp pains shot through it. Soon after all the presents were opened I drove home and curled up on the couch. The pain was excrutiating by that time. I'd taken 2 tylonel and some nasal decongestant like my mom had suggested, but it still hurt a lot. She then suggested some heat might help and warmed up a rice bag for me in the microwave. The heat felt really good and took care of a lot of the pain. Now, about 3 hours later, the pain is just about all gone, but my ear feels clogged up. I hope it's all cleared up by tomorrow morning.

Merry Christmas!

It's not quite Christmas yet, but it probably will be by the time I post this. This evening my parents and I went to the Christmas Eve service at Church. I decided to wear dress mess mostly because I was too lazy to figure out something else to wear. At Church almost everyone came up to me and commented on how beautiful and elegant I looked, and how much they liked the uniform. It was quite a change from at school where some people seem to think that no girls look good in uniform, no matter what. The service was pretty nice. Christmas Eve services are probably my favorite service of the whole year.

Today I've been looking at used Chevy S-10's and trying to convince my parents that a car is a good idea. Why does car insurance have to be so expensive?

I miss my friends from school.

Yay! I have a way to check my school email now.

I wish I knew how to check my school email. I haven't been able to check it since last wednesday. When they rearranged the network at school, they changed how to log into email when your away, but didn't tell us the new method.

I feel like I've been productive today. I cleaned and rearranged my room at home, made some muddy buddy chex mix, but instead of chex cereal I used Resses Puffs cereal, my dad and I did a tiny bit of work on the computer setting up VMware, and I tried to do some Christmas shopping, but only got one present.

Yesterday I went and worked out at Domino's Farms. It was nice being back there again. I can't believe it's been two and a half years since I worked out there with Christina as my personal trainer. In the evening I went over to Becki's house and then we went and picked up Kyle. We all made some oatmeal-cranberry-chocolate chip cookies and watched 8 mile. It was so nice to be able to bake again. I miss baking. The kitchen at home is being redone and so there isn't any place to bake. My dad says that next week the kitchen will hopefully be further along and I'll have my choice of 3 ovens to use to bake :)

This afternoon Anne and I were talking on IM and discussing cars. We were looking at trucks and suv's. I want an suv, but that's not going to happen. My dad said to call and ask the insurance company about rates on trucks and then use that to determine what kind to get. My dream is to get one over break and then have my parents drive it down to Florida for me during spring break. I won't be home again until summer, so that's why I thought of that idea. I told Anne about it and she liked it and had that idea that if she got a car too, then our parents could caravan down there with them. However, my dad wasn't so thrilled about the idea.

On Friday Adam asked me to 500th night :)

Oh blah

It doesn't seem like Christmas.

Wow! It's amazing how things change. I'm very happy right now due to two IM's two of my friends sent me this morning. I didn't get either of them until 2pm this afternoon when I woke up for the second time. Usualy I don't sleep in very late, but it was really nice to today. I hope I don't sleep in that late anymore this break. I kinda feel like I wasted the day when I do. Of course, I'm not about to get up at 5:30 or 6am. Ahh, break at last :)

Why is w.bloggar acting weird?

Why am I still up? I have no idea. Betsy keeps asking me what I want for Christmas and she's getting annoyed because I can't think of anything. The one thing I eventually said I wanted was a date to 500th night. She didn't like that answer. She suggested I go with Sam, but there's the small problem of me not knowing Sam. Ich weiss nicht. I'm tired. It's late. I'm going to bed.

I'm done with TEE's, I just finished cleaning out room, and in 3 hours I'm getting up and heading home. My CS today went horribly, but I think I did okay on my IR TEE.

My plan was to come back from IR and start cleaning right away, because I hadn't done anything at all about clearing out my room. The S's invited our OCF group over because Jessica was there, but I wasn't planning on going because of all the cleaning I had to do. Brian took it upon himself to try and convince me to go. I couldn't figure out why he kept trying to get me to go. After I refutted all of his ideas of why I couldn't put off cleaning and go, he convinced me to go later when Celio went up. Pure and simple peer pressure. When I got to the S's house he procceded to tell me that he had won once again. A few days ago I had told him that I really wanted to beat him at something, anything, but he always seemed to win. I'll beat him at something sometime.

I could go to bed right now, but I think I'd just lay there and not be able to sleep. Right now I'm listening to country. Perhaps listening to some calming music will help. Hmm, the classical station isn't calm music. Maybe Nature Sounds will work. Nope, it puts me on edge. I'll go with Lite Rock. Wow. I haven't listened to that station in a really long time. I now realize why I stopped listening to that station. Ah well, I'm going to go make some snowflakes at http://snowflakes.lookandfeel.com/

Somehow my math teacher already managed to grade all of our TEE's and post our final grades. I guess that's the good thing about having only 16 other cow's with a CS major. My teacher must have curved the test a lot, because my grade in the class actually went up. I ended up with a C. I went into the TEE with a C-. Pretty sweet.

I'd say I'm a B+ personality type. Very close to an A, but when it really comes down to it, a B+ is still a B.

Now let us discuss Mil Art. First topic, Revolution in Military Affairs. There are Technological developments whcihc are turned into practical military systems, Doctrinal (operational) innovations, Organizational Adaption, and social, political, econoci developments.

It's boring to write about, and not a very effective study method. Back to my old method.

Somehow, I don't think my teacher was looking for my answer of "Poof! And it's proven magically" when he asked for an indirect proof to prove something on the TEE.

I found out my room for next semester. It's actually the same three person room I was in last year, but now Jill is going to be roommates with us instead of Tara. Tara's on medical leave for the semester.

1 TEE down, 4 to go. Next up is MA376and Mil Art, followed by CS386 and International Relations on Wednesday. By Wednesday night I think I'll be in a coma, which won't help packing very much. Only 14 hours of tests left.

I think of him constantly and want to tell everyone about him. Nothing in the world is better than spending time with him. He waits each day for me to talk to him, and nothing makes him happier than spending time with me. I want to share everything with him and spend every moment with him. He's the one that I go to when I'm happy, sad, hurt, scared. He takes care of everything, comforts me, holds me in his arms, makes my worries dissapear. I realize how inadequate I am. I'm not worthy of his love, yet he still love me with all of my flaws. He's my best friend, my closest companion. I'll do anything he asks; I trust him completly. He challenges me to go outside my comfort zone, but is right there by my side the whole time. In the hard times he carries me. There's nothing he likes more than hearing me say I love him, and there's nothing I like more than telling him that. Even when I hurt him, he accepts me with open arms and a loving heart, forgiving everything. He'll never hurt me, he'll never leave me, and I can't imagine a life without him. He is the most important thing to me, nothing comes before him. I love him and he loves me.

Last night the S's had our OCF group over for the eveing. As usual, it was a great time. I was able to talk to Mrs. S about a question I had come across during my Bible study the day before. The S's are amazing people. Mrs. S also was really nice and patched a hole that I discovered in Joe Bear's head. I brought him with me to make a new episode, but when I reached into the back to pull him out, my finger when straight into his head. She sewed him up and he's a good as new.