I think I might be getting sick. My neck hurts and I was freezing in chemistry. It could be that I just slept on my neck wrong and they do keep Bartlett hall freezing so that we stay awake (HAH!). I now understand why eveyone hates organic chemistry. In fact, I hate it too. I don't understand the oxidization of hydrocarbons or how to draw the structure for 1,1,1-trichloro-cis-2-butene, let alone how to name it if I saw the structure, but I'm sure that it'll be helpfull when I'm taken prisoner by the enemy forces. I can just pull out a pad of paper and say "here, let me name an organic compound for you and make a pretty stucture to go along with it." I think I just failed the quiz. Oh well, on with life.

ONLY 1 MONTH LEFT!!!!!!!!! Then 3 weeks of vacation. After that back to Camp Buckner I go. At least now on crew regatta's I look forward to getting back to West Point instead of the awfull dread I felt at the beginning of the year. Amazing how things change.

Wow! I'm so tired right now. The Patriot League Regatta was today in Mass. My boat, the novice A boat, blew the other teams out of the water. We won by a good 9 sec. Coach Hall was happy. He still is the antichrist, but at least all the work pays off. He's a good man. On May 1 he's being promoted to Major. I hope to be there to congradulate him with the rest of my team.

When I learned about Jon's condition on friday it really made me sad. I had a hard time dealing with it and needed someone to talk to. I ended up IM'ing Erich and asked if I could talk to him. We met at Grant,he bought me some ice cream and we talked about it. He helped me a lot and I felt better after talking to him. It's just so sad. Stuff like that's not supposed to happen.

I need sleep. Races wear me out, and I only had one today. At Dade Vails I'm gonna be dead after 3 races in two days. It'll be fun though.

Erich stopped by tonight:):) The only bad part is that now I can't concentrate because I'm happy and hyper. When I do finally sit down at my desk I find myself blanky staring at something with a smile on my face.

I found out that I'll be in C4 next year. That's the 6th floor of Mac Long. The good news is that both Erich and Ez are going to B4 which is the floor below me. The female bathroom is also located on the 5th floor in the B4 area. I'm gonna visit Ez a lot. It's funny because the guy she kinda likes is going to C4 while Erich is going to B4. GO COWBOYS! FIRED UP C4! YEEHAW! YOU KNOW IT. That's what the plebes in C4 have to yell everytime they get up from the table after a meal. It's gonna get really annoying. At least I get a cowboy hat.

Erich came by this afternoon, but I was asleep. Why did I have to take that 30 min nap then?

I am about to yell at someone!!!!!!! This is not good.

From some reason I suddenly missed my loft bed from home and so I searched online to see some. I found this awesome site that has tons of beds I would've loved to have when I was a little kid. I always wanted a tent bed, but my parents wouldn't let me get one. I also wanted a bed that was shaped like a car because I really believed that you could drive them. I imagined driveing all over the house with it. I had a big imagination when I was little. You should've seen what I wanted my tree house to look like. It had mutliple floors, plus a basement, garage, pool, bathroom, and tons of other stuff. The funny part was that I actually believed that I could get all of that in a tree house. The tree house I ended up with was very very simple, but to me, it became a fort, house, castle, ect... I love that thing.

I IM'd Erich this morning to see if he was going to Church and he said that he was, but was going to brunch first and asked me if I wanted to go with him. I said yes, so he came by my room to get me, then we went to church together, and walked back together. Me = happy.

Today I have to write a history paper and study for the Chem WPR tomorrow. Fun stuff. It's gonna be a long day.

Today we raced UConn here at West Point. I was really looking forward to this race because Erich, Jasmin, Ez, and Adam all said that they were coming. Unfortunatly it started raining around 2. Jasmin came down, but left when it started raining and so she didnt' get to see me race. The others never came down. My boat beat UConn by .87 seconds. I was really looking forward to seeing my friends after the race, and during the race all I could think about was how they were waiting at the finish line. When I finally went to go see them, I realized no one was there. I understand why they didn't come, it was raining, and I probably wouldn't have come if I were in there position, but I was still really sad. It reminded me of high school. I would invite my friends to my softball games, or to my crew regatta's that were at home. Mr Hart came to one of my softball games once and taped part of it and there was one time that Dan, Matt, and Mr. Hart came to a crew regatta. That was great. I loved seeing them there and it ment a ton to me, but after that, I can't think of another time that they came to see me do anything. I always tried to go to my friends plays and stuff when they told me about them, because I cared about what they did, but I don't remember them coming to see me when I invited them. Sometimes I would imagine that Jake, or Matt, or Beth or someone was there watching my games and I just hadn't seen them yet, because it helped me play better. I'd get all excited about the game because I had told someone about the game, other then my family, and they said they might comeand I'd keep looking up into the stands hopeing to see them, but they wouldn't be there and I'd realize that they weren't coming. I guess I should just be happy that my family came. There were some girls that didn't have that. I just wish my friends would have come.

Last night was the Thayer Award banquet. This year the award was given to Senator Daniel K. Inouye from Hawaii. I thankfully got to miss the parade because of crew practice. They were in the middle of the Pass and Review when I got back from crew. That must have sucked in this heat. At the dinner GEN. Kauffman shook my hand and asked me how the Dean was treating me. I wanted to say that the Dean is screwing me over this week, but since he's a General and the Dean, I just kinda smiled. There was a 3 star general right next to him who smiled and said hi to me, but I didn't catch his name. Ez and I ended up being floated to tables of guests so that they could have some cadets to talk to. I was at a table with a few old grad's, another man who I guess is important in the city he lives in, and a COL. I totally screwed up table duties and such, but oh well, that's life. While Senator Inouye was giving his speach the camera paused on Yi, who was sitting right up front. She choose the wrong time to fall asleep, because right as the camera stopped on her she closed her eye's and was out. It was displayed over the screens throughout the mess hall, so the corps of cadets, old grad's, some generals, plus a number of congressmen, saw that she was asleep. Lets just say that life's not so great for her right now.

Erich came over after dinner to help me out with CS. He stayed for about and hour and we hung out and he helped me before he had to go do history. It was a great time. I wish he'd come over more.

Alex came over about 10 min after Erich left. Whenever he's over all the football players come over. It wasn't very conducive to doing homework, but we did get a lot accomplished. He stayed till right before Tattoo and after that we used the phone, IM, and ton's of emails to work together to try and get the stupid CS project done. Both of us were up untill 3. The presentation today went, well, it went. I'll be really happy if I get a C on this project. My grades are really slipping this week:(

Okay, blogger is acting up and won't display my page. WTF?

The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain. If the king falls down in his airliner, then, the reign in Spain falls mainly in the plane. Thanks Jake:)

Today it was a very stressfull day. I think I failed my english paper that I finished 5 minutes before class started.

It got up to 92 degrees here today! Of course, it had to peak during crew practice. I've added my coach to the list of people here who are the antichrist. So far it's my CS teacher, the DPE teachers, and him. He makes us work really hard, which is good, but it's still hard. I wish that someone would tell me if I row well or not. Jasmin says that the people on the crew team she talks to say that I'm one of the best rowers, but a lot of the time I convince myself that I'm one of the worst. Today I got really stressed during practice because of today, and I also thought I was rowing poorly. I had a hard time breathing and had to focus on getting air in. I wanted to stop rowing and cry, but I couldn't, wouldn't, and didn't. The team needs me to be strong, so I try.

Erich saw me row today:) He was down at the river courts sitting at a picnic table with no shirt on doing homework. It was weird because even thought I only saw the back of him from a distance- I somehow knew it was him. He confirmed that it was him later tonight on IM. Strange, very strange.

Open door AMI sucks. My room is right by the stairs, so everyone going up or down the stairs of course has to look in and stare. It's funny when there are guys over and the door is open because all the CPL's stop and look in or else walk really slowly past while staring in the room. It gets pretty annoying.

Yesterday at crew practice we almost rowed to the Bear Mountain Bridge, which is a few miles down stream. It was great, I couldn't see one bit of West Point from were we were. Ahhh. Freedom.

Erich came over last night to help me out with CS. He explained the project to me and gave me some tips. It helped a little. After that he stayed at we talked for a little while just about random things. It was fun. He said he'll try and be at the regatta on Saturday (I can't believe he actually used the correct word!), but he might have to drive some drunk firsties back from Garrison. He had to leave to go do Pull-ups with a yuk in his company. Ez stopped by right after he got here so that she could see who he was. She didn't stay long, but came back after he'd left. Jasmin came back from dance class in civies and met him also. Erich mentioned that he wanted to do the dance class, but sadly, there are no more sessions this year:(

Alex came over about an hour later so we could work on the project. Not much was accomplished, but he said he's going to call his brother who does stuff with computer networking and hopefully get some stuff from him. Jasmin thinks he's kinda hot.

My parents are getting me a cell phone:) It was supposed to be a suprise, but I kinda ruined that one by asking them what they thought of me getting one. I should be getting it sometime soon:)

Supposedly, next year this place will have a wireless network. It might be the year after that though. The plebes next year are getting labtops and yesterday there was a guy in Thayer trying to sell them to us. If I do get one, I think I'll wait to get it untill I'm a cow or a firstie. By then they should be better and I can see if they're actually worth it. It would be nice to have one at Buckner this summer. It'll be like Beast all over again with no computer for 6 weeks, but I will have a phone:)

Yesterday Alex was supposed to come over at 9 so we could start working on the CS project. He called around 11 to apologize because he forgot. Since neither of us know what to do, I don't think much would have been accomplished if he had come over anyway. He asked if he could come over tonight, but since Erich is coming over to help me, I said I'd email him. Erich IM'd me right before lunch reminding me to remind him to come over. I thought that was funny.

I'm really tired right now. I almost fell asleep during the class after lunch. Learning about different weapons was not what I was in the mood for. Oh well.

I really did fail the math quiz. My teacher counted a 55/100, but when I went back and recounted I came up with a 68/100. Hopefully the extra points will help me a little. I really want to keep my A- in that class. Right now I also have an A- in CS and an A in swimming. I need an A in swimming in order to offset my C- in gymnastics. Grades suck. Why have them?

Erich's supposed to come over around 8 tonight to help me with my CS project:)

w.bloggar rocks! Thanks Matt.

Erich wasn't in Church this morning and so I was pretty sad. Sunday's are when I get to see him the most. We sit together and then walk back together. Then he wasn't responding on IM. That and the stress of the next week or so really got to me and I wanted to cry. Stupid reasons to get upset, but I think there was other things involved too. I wanted to talk to someone, but couldn't figure out who. I talked to Jake on IM and he tried to cheer me up with a knock knock joke, but it didn't help. I ended up calling Matt which turned out to be really helpful. He talked me through what was wrong and made me realize that things really weren't that bad and I had a lot of good stuff going on. He really cheered me up :)

I talked to Erich this afternoon on IM. It turns out that he got up at 9, felt dizzy and nausea and so he went back to bed- which was a really good idea. I hope he feels better soon. I whish I could bring him something. Anyway, I mentioned to him that I have a regatta here next Saturday. He told me to remind him on Friday so that he can come and watch it :)

I guess SAMI didn't go so well for my company. We're in open door AMI untill Wednesday. It shoudln't be too bad. Usually, if my room even gets checked, it's just by the person on CCQ. I think the key to making the room look clean is to have a really good floor. I sweep it, swiffer it, and then mop it every day. It's really shiny and Jasmin and I get lots of complements on it.

This weekend at the Knecht Cup my boat got 6th outta 24. It's amazing how much we've improved in the past few weeks. I'm really happy that I got to sit in the seat I wanted. I hope I stay there. Hopefully, if I continue to improve like I am, I'll have a really good shot at varsity next year. We'll see.

Screw it. I give up. You know what, I'm not perfect. I'm not extremely smart, or an awesome athlete. I'm not artistic, and don't have a beautiful voice. I'd rather play football and rough house rather than flirting with a lot of guys and hanging on them. I do like to dress up and look nice sometimes, but I'm no where near the prettiest person in the world. I'm not skinny, an extrovert, or good at talking to guys. I say and do the wrong things, am to tom boyish, but not good at it either, and am very quiet. I guess I'm all wrong, but that's who I am. If guys don't like it, it's not my problem, because I am who I am.

I'm sick of this roller coaster ride of "does he like me, he likes me, he doesn't like me..." I've been through it so many times with so many different guys. I start out likeing some guy in the early spring and like him more and more as spring progresses. Then in the fall something happens like us going out or something. It ends up that he doesn't like me or something and the whole" lets just be friends" crap. I move on, still hurt and also likeing him untill spring rolls around and I meet a new guy. It's been this way since 8th grade. I thought I'd escaped it this year, but now looking at it, Erich fits right into the timing. I don't want it to happen again. Right now guys suck!

Augh!!!!!