No run tonight:) The self record APFT is tomorrow morning, as so we are taking a break from running tonight.

This morning we had weigh-in's at 500am. That lasted until around 6:20am. The next thing wasn't until 0800, but I was for some reason confused about times and so I rushed through breakfast and was headed downstairs to meet Rachel at 0645. While I was walking to her room I looked down at my watch and realized that I had another hour. Being able to go back to bed was great. The thing at 8am only lasted 30 min or so, and the next thing wasn't until 10am, so I was able to go back to my room and read for a bit. Then at 10 we had our TA-50 issue which took forever. I was able to get out of there around noon, but some people were stuck till 2pm. At 2:45 we had a briefing about the Army Family Team Building (AFTB) program. The briefing only lasted 30 min, but we were stuck waiting around until we were released at 4:50 to go home for the evening. The real classes about MI don't start until next week. This week is mainly inprocessing.

It rained a tiny bit today. I felt some raindrops as I was walking to the AFTB briefing. On the way home afterwords I could see rain in the distance and there were actual clouds in the sky. The rain and clouds made me happy because it didn't feel like the sun was beating down on me as much.

The run was harder for me today. Ryan ran with us, and I don't know if having him there psyched me out a bit because I figured he would be keeping us at a faster pace. I fell behind between 1.25 and 1.5 miles. One good thing during the run was that i was able to stay with them for the first 1.25-1.5 miles, even after Lauren had to stop. I think the goldfish she ate just before the run made a reapperance, but she caught up around the 1.25-1.5 mile mark.

It's only 9:51 pm, but I am falling asleep. Today was the day we had to report for OBC, but that wasn't until 1pm. Rachel, Lauren, and I spent the morning l going to the transpo office to arrange the delivery of our boxes, going to the post office to get PO boxes, dropping BDU's off at the cleaners to get startched, going to the uniform store to get patches for the BDU's, going back to the cleaners to have the patch sewn on the BDU's, and driving around figuring out where stuff is around here.

It turns out my TAC officer isn't the one who we thought it would be, which is very nice. The Tac seems like he'll push us, but not kill us, and I expect to graduate from here feeling much more prepared for what's ahead.

This evening Rachel, Lauren, and I ran a 2 mile loop. I ran it yetsterday morning and then again in the evening with Rachel. Each time I am able to push myself a little more. I've decided to try and come up with one reason to give thanks after each run. Today I came up with two. A little more than half way through the run Rachel and Lauren were getting a bit ahead of me and I was very tempted to give up and fall back, but instead I was able to push through the mental barrier and catch back up and run with them the rest of the way, even up the hills. Then in the final stretch, which is downhill, my lungs were burning and I felt like collapsing right there, but I lengthened my stride because I wanted to end the run as soon as possible and I pulled out ahead at the very end. I really want to break through this mental barrier and be able to push myself each time, but it's so hard when my whole body is telling my to give up. There is a sign on the run route that states the elevation is 5090ft. I think I'll come away being a much better runner. Right now I'm slow and running even 2 miles here is a mental and physical battle, but that means I only have room to improve. In the past, especially in formation runs, I've given in to the mental battle, but this time I want to try and push myself and give it everything I have each and every day.

The Joe Bear Graduation! episode is now online. You can check it out at Joe Bear's Website. Thanks Mom for getting it posted.

Happy Independence Day!

Breaking news on the unit front....well, breaking news for me at least. The word I've been hearing is that the division isn't depolying until September, which means that they won't be coming back until September. I'd say, from everything I've been hearing and reading, that my chances of being depolyed right away are far greater than my chances of being left at Hood until they return.

The other major news is that my division may be moving to Fort Carson, CO, when they return from the deployment. Here's a link to the article from the Army Times: 30,000 soldiers of 4th ID and 3rd ACR to switch bases.

Looks like I may be doing a lot of moving around in the next year or two. Fort Huachuca to Fort Hood to Iraq to Fort Carson. Nothing's for sure yet about where I'll be, but that's what it's looking like at the moment.

In other news, today I hung out with Rachel and Jordan. Jordan leaves tomorrow morning, so I'm really glad I got to see her today. While I was in Rachel's room Ryan and Omar came by, and Ryan gave us an update on who all is here now. He's also the one who initially told me about the possible move to Ft. Carson. It's so nice to now have people I know here.

Wow. There is a lot of garbage on TV. Perhaps I'll take to unplugging the TV cable again like I did second semster. While I was home I did watch a lot of TV, but it mainly consisted of movies I rented at Hollywood Video or TV shows like Everybody Loves Raymond. I wonder where the closest library is around here, and what it takes to get a library card.

Hotness

Today I finished my 2020 mile road trip and am now at Fort Huachuca, AZ. The BOQs are better than I expected, although it's still not an apartment. The good news is that I should be able to save money staying here. Tomorrow Rachel is getting here so I'll know someone else. I was a bit lonely at the Commisary today when I saw that almost everyone else there was with another person.

It'll take a bit for me to get adjusted to the weather here. The temp is above 100 during the day, but at least it's not humid. I'll just keep telling myself that.

Happy R-day class of 2009.

Today I start my drive to AZ for my MIOBC course. My plan is to get there friday, move in over the weekend, and then next Tuesday (or is it Wednesday?) I report for my OBC course.

I finally got around to making a Joe Bear graduation episode. It's not online yet, and I didn't send it out to anyone, but it'll be avaliable sometime.

Being home is nice for the first few days, but then it starts to get rather boring. The first few days I managed to stay busy during the daytime and not spend time sitting in front of the TV. Then I went to CO and when I got back my motivation to do stuff around the house, as well as my knowing how to do things around the house, faded and as a result my time in front of the TV increased. I've made it a point to spend an hour each day working out, but besides that I feel like I waste most of my day.

Sometimes I feel like I come back and don't know my family very well anymore, or anyone around here for that matter. You'd think that I'd open up and be more talkative around my family, seeing how I've known them my whole life, but I find myself talking even less when we're all together. I don't know the same people as my sisters, my stories don't come out as funny as my sister's, and I basically just feel really young around them and almost like an outsider. Although I have friends who are their age, to me my sisters still seem light years ahead of me. Plus, I it feels wrong that I say this, but the bonding they have as a result of having had cancer is something I can't relate to, not that I wish I could, but it's just one more thing seems to seperate me from them.

It'd be nice to see my friends from middle school and high school while I'm home....if I could skip the getting to know each other again part and jump right back into the friendship. That and I'm having trouble actually locating my friends. I'm not sure where they live of what their phone numbers are, and my few attempts at trying to get ahold of some of them haven't been successfull. I haven't put that much effort into the attempts though. Basically I've been too lazy to put the effort into trying to renew friendships and finding common ground again.

Sorry, this was a rather depressing post. Perhaps I just need sleep and it'll all be better in the morning. I wish I could go to FL and see my friends again. Oh well. AZ in a week.

The most recent Joe Bear episode, Joe Bear takes a TEE, is now online. Thanks Mom :)

Someday I want to visit Mount Assiniboine Lodge, British Columbia.

Rocky Mountain High (RMH) was awesome. I spent a week in CO mountain biking, rock climbing, rappeling, doing a four day backpacking treck up to MT Antero ( 14,269 feet), white water rafting, spending time with God, and hanging out with some of the coolest people in the world. I am so glad that I went on the trip.

I've been trying to think of a cool way to start this post, but can't think of anything. I'm done with West Point. I somehow, with the grace of God and lots of prayers and support from family and friends, managed to graduate and am now a commissioned officer in the Army. It's so weird to think of myself as an officer. It hasn't sunk in yet.

I hope I'll get around to posting more about grad week a little later. Right now I'm busy unpacking and trying to decompress.

Less than 100 hours:)

I found this poem online tonight in my random surfing online:

The Acquittal -- God's Infinite Mercy

by Karen Sullivan Ables

In a far away place and a different time
I Killed my first child, a most heinous crime.

The state didn't come, and I didn't stand trial.
Judge Blackmun was calm when he said with a smile,
"Killing is legal, say we the High Court.
But don't call it murder. Just call it 'abort'"

The judge in my heart would not let the case rest.
I had no defense when once put to the test.
Found guilty I was by my heart's Supreme Court.
"You murdered your baby!" they screamed in retort.

With tears on my cheeks it was too late, I knew
to bring back the life of the child I once slew.
The gavel slammed sown, and it rang in my head,
"You are guilty as charged, and deserve to be dead."

"We now give you torment to pay for your sin,"
was the sentence passed down from my own court within.
"You will never escape. You're branded. Don't hide.
Your just due is death. You should try suicide."

I was beaten in prison by daily attack.
I was paying a debt, so I never fought back.
No hope of escaping, and this I knew well.
I cried out to God from my own self-made hell.

That day I met Jesus; He smiled in my face.
He said, "I forgive you. Come walk in my grace."
"Lord, I believe you forgive me and yet,
Blameless you are. Can you pay for my debt?"

"And, Lord, please don't touch me for: I am unclean.
I'm filthy with murder, a most wretched being."
I poured out my story. He showed no surprise.
I gazed up with awe at the love in His eyes.

He said, "I paid for your crime, yes, was nailed to a tree.
There's no condemnation if you'll trust in Me.
I took on your blame, and your curse on My soul
So you may be free without judgement and whole."

I sputtered, "Dear Lord, where's the justice in this?
I killed my first son, and you offer me bliss?"
Tears blurred my vision, yet there in His face
were eyes of compassion, blue oceans of grace.

I thought to myself, "Now the past has been buried?
I'm free of the guilt that for years I have carried?"
He said to accept. It's a gift that is free.
This is atonement, not justice for me!

My judge was dismissed, my accusers, and jury.
The truth of His love made them leave in a fury.
He smiled, "Walk with Me and come learn of My way,"
and grasping His hand I began a new day.

Grad week is finally here :) The madness doesn't start till Wednesday. Wednesday morning we have breakfast formation on 0555 and then drill from 0700-1015'ish, followed by the Supe's Reception in the afternoon, followed by the Crew banquet in the evening. Thursday morning we have breakfast formation at 0455 so that we can start drilling at 0600-0930.

Off camping for the weekend. My parents get here Sunday. YAY!

I am done with TEEs. :) I would be happier if I didn't have a meeting with my project advisor tomorrow and a dentist appointment on Thursday, but I'll take what I can get.

Welcome to TEE week. My last one (hopefully) as a cadet. There is no Lights Out rule this week due to TEEs and I just now looked at my watch and realized that it's already 12:30. I just finished putting together my Class A uniform. It took awhile because I was trying to get the measurements as precise as possible. Tomorrow morning the TAC NCO is inspecting all of the firstie's and our uniforms.

This evening I cleared my stuff out of the trunk room as well as packed up almost all of my books. My room is a pit and their are boxes everywhere, but hopefully I'll make a lot of progress this week in packing.

Time for bed.

Working with computers brings out the worst in me. My partner and I spent a around 16 man hours on Monday and today trying to figure out how to run a computer exploit....and got nowhere. We are supposed to present and demonstrate our exploit in class tomorrow. Instead of demonstrating it we are going to talk abou the exploit we wanted to use and what we think it would've done.

On a different note, I need to work on not stooping to the ways of this world, but also not isolating myself from others. I especially struggle with this on the crew team.


"…those who are absent are not to be discussed to their detriment, that no belittling stories are told of anyone, nor anything said about anyone unless it passes through the three sieves: Is it true? Kind? Necessary? " - Amy Carmichael

This weekend was a pretty good weekend, although I didn't get any studying done. On Friday the compay had a retirement party down at the train station for our TAC NCO. We presented him with 2005 class pistol as a retirement gift. After the party some of the cows and firsties stuck around to help clean up and then we went to the firstie club. I played a game of pool with Ryan against Joel and Anna. It was a close game, but Joel and Anna eventually won. After that I played a few games of foosball with Charlie and Dave. It was 2 against 1, with Charlie and I as a team. We didn't stand a chance, although I found I play much better in the defensive position than on the offense.

Saturday morning I helped out with the Special Olympics. I was privliged to escort around a 55+ woman who had down syndrome. It was such a joy to spend time with her. Her event was the softball throw, and she was so happy competeing and pointed the ribbon she won to just about everyone. She also really enjoyed the marches the band played, and at one point we were dancing to them. I may have looked very silly dancing around, but it was a lot of fun, and seeing how much fun she was having overpowered any problems about being self-concious that I might have had.

Saturday evening I went over to the OCF house to help Barb prepare for the First Class Only (FCO) event there the next afternoon. I had dinnner there and then helped peel potatos and eggs. After that there wasn't much left for me to do so I read for a bit and then went to bed. It was my first time spending the night at the OCF house, and it made me wish I had discovered it earlier in my cadet career. I went to serve, but I think I ened up being served more than I actually served myself.

Sunday morning everyone staying at the OCF house had breakfast together and then I left to go to Church at the cadet chapel. Around 2:30 I drove back to the OCF house for the FCO function. There were around 20 or so firsties in all who went. It was a good time of fellowship with everyone, and Barb and Barry once again did an awesome job of setting everything up. We keep on being reminded of how fortunate we are at West Point to have the regimented schedule that we do in regards to Christian activities and fellowship, and I really do believe that is true. One of my biggest concerns about my future is about how after I graduate I will no longer have that regimented schedule and it will be a lot harder to stay in the Word and I will struggle a lot more.

Once again, not by my prompting or doing at all, the topic of me getting engaged arose again. This time Anne predicted that I'll be engaged within 3 years, and Jasmin predicted that it'll be to a ROTC graduate. I'm writing these down in here now so that I can look back on them years from now and figure out who's prediction was the most accurate.

Two WPRs tomorrow. Please pray that they go well.

Happy Mothers Day Mom! I love you.

The First Class is so short that we have fewer class days left than the plebes have semesters at the Academy.

At breakfast the First Captain made an announcment from the poop deck. Hearing from the First Captain at lunch or dinner usually brings good news, but when he starts to speak at breakfast everyone in the mess hall simultaniously catches their breath and the mood becomes very somber. Today was no different. He announced the news of the death of two 1998 West Point grads, Capts. Stephen Frank, 29, and Ralph John "Jay" Harting III, 28 who were killed April 29th while serving in Iraq. An article about them is avalible at http://www.wzzm13.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=39416. God bless them and their families.

I wonder if Alyson forgot that we're in PMI for the rest of the year. The sink and counter are clean, and the stopper is up. Her wardrobe is closed though, so perhaps she wanted a clean sink and counter.

Projects day is tomorrow and currently my project is not working. An important lesson learned is to never install an updated version of something without making sure there is a accessible and functioning backup in case the new version isn't compatible. I'm also about to learn how dependable the US Postal system is with their overnight mail delievery. Hopefully Mike, Mikey, and I will all come out okay. If everything fails we'll only have made Dr. F and the NSA look bad. Nothing too bad...(sarcasm here)

A new, just released yesterday, variant of the SOBER worm started attacking West Point yesterday afternoon. I was able to create a rule in Outlook that sends the hundreds of emails that have resulted from the worm into my deleted items. Hopefully DOIM will come up with a final solution soon. They've at least taken the step of blocking all .zip file extensions.

The NSA is supposed to release the official results of the Cyber Defense Exercise today.

All of yesterday I thought there were 26 and a butt days left, but then when I checked the countdown this morning it said 24. Sometimes it's nice to be wrong.

2 weeks of classes left, but really only 1.5. Next week there is one day, Wednesday, with no classes, and then I leave Thursday after lunch for Dad Vails. Almost done.

Two of the books I ordered last week came in today. They are Mimosa, by Amy Carmichael, and A Chance To Die by Ellizabeth Elliot. Getting books in the mail makes me feel like it's my birthday, even though I was the one who ordered them. I'm so excited to have some time this weekend to read them, although I should also work on the users manual for SKDMARCS. Projects day is on Wendesday next week. I turned down the invitation to the Projects Day banquet so that I can attend the Seder dinner at LTC D's house.

We aren't going to find out the results of the CDX until May 2nd. Originally we were supposed to find out tomorrow.

This morning Dr. F asked me if I would like to work for the NSA in the future. I said possibly. Back in high school I would've jumped at the chance to even visit the NSA. Right now I'm only thinking about the next five years. Actually, at the moment I'm concentrated on the next 29 days.

I really do have it easy compared to a lot of people my age in that I have a job waiting for me right after graduation and don't have to spend time and energy searching for one. Although, I guess they have it easier in other areas. It all works out in the end.

Joy and peace can only come in believing, and that is all I can say to Him tonight -- Lord, I believe. I don't love; I don't feel; I don't understand; I can only believe.

-Jim Elliot

Somebody made an announcment over CGR tonight and said "Close your windows and get back in your rooms, and tonight will be an easy night. I say again, Close your windows and get back in your rooms, and tonight will be an easy night." As far as I know the areas were relatively quiet before the announcment, but right after it was made everything erupted. People were yelling out their windows, throwing chem lights into the area, throwing milk cartons, and apparently there was also a flaming roll of TP thrown. Making an announcment like that is almost a 100% guarantee that you'll have a lot of trouble on your hands.

The new Joe Bear episode, Joe Bear Walks Hours, is now online. Thanks Mom :)

Extremely tired, and therefore extremely moody. When one of my friends asked what was on my mind I told him that it'd be better if I didn't even start to share because it's a jumbled mess combined with whinning. Instead I sat and stared off into space because my attempts to read were worthless.

Good news, tonight I won a second extra banquet ticket, so I now have five.

Anybody want to swap knees and shoulders with me? Perhaps I can just DX mine.

My boat got 2nd this past weekend...out of 3, but we beat that third boat by a good minute.

Class photo: http://www.panfoto.com/photos/colleges/detail.cfm?Product=428&Category=350

If, by Amy Carmichael (1867-1951)

If I have not compassion on my fellowservant, even as my Lord had pity on me, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can easily discuss the shortcomings and the sins of any; if I can speak in a casual way even of a child's misdoings, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another; if I can in any way slight another in conversation, or even in thought, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can write an unkind letter, speak an unkind word, think an unkind thought without grief and shame, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I am afraid to speak the truth, lest I lose affection, or lest the one concerned should say, "You do not understand," or because I fear to lose my reputation for kindness; if I put my own good name before the other's highest good, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I myself dominate myself, if my thoughts revolve around myself, if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have "a heart at leisure from itself," then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I cannot in honest happiness take the second place (or twentieth); if I cannot take the first without making a fuss about my unworthiness, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I do not give a friend "the benefit of the doubt," but put the worst construction instead of the best on what is said or done, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I take offense easily; if I am content to continue in a cool unfriendliness, though friendship be possible, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then I know nothing of Calvary love. For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted.

If I say, "Yes, I forgive, but I cannot forget," as though the God, who twice a day washes all the sands on all the shores of all the world, could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If souls can suffer alongside, and I hardly know it, because the spirit of discernment is not in me, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If the praise of man elates me and his blame depresses me; if I cannot rest under misunderstanding without defending myself; if I love to be loved more than to love, to be served more than to serve, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If in the fellowship of service I seek to attach a friend to myself, so that others are caused to feel unwanted; if my friendships do not draw others deeper in, but are ungenerous, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

That which I know not, teach Thou me, O Lord, my God.

I told Anne about Charlie's guess, and she said her guess would be sometime in 2008. I think I'll stop discussing the subject with people. Too weird.

Tonight Charlie predicted that I'll be engaged by Christmas of '06. Originally he said by next summer, but then he remembered that I'll most likely be deployed for a bit, so he moved his prediction to Christmas time. This came about by him realizing that Jason, he, and I won't see each other for awhile after graduation. He told me to make sure to invite him to my wedding, and then proceeded to guess the time when I'll be engaged. I was rather suprised, especially in my current state of singleness without any sight of a relationship with anyone on the horizon. Charlie wasn't any help in providing a guess as to whom I would be engaged, but told me that the time would come "like a thief in the night." I told him I'd give him a call around Christmas of '06 and let him know if he was correct. Of course, if he somehow did manage to be correct then I couldn't be a part of NGEUT anymore, and I'd lose the bet with Anne about which one of us will get engaged first. We both say the other will be the first.

Rachel and I each reserved our BOQs (bachleor officer quarters) at Fort Huachuca this evening. We were planning on renting an apartment together to cut costs and have more space, but at the branch meeting this evening someone said that in June or July they are going to stop allowing people to rent apartments. Instead, everyone has to live in the BOQs, and once those are full they are going to have everyone else stay in another specified location. That may have just been cadet rumor, but since Rachel and I couldn't get ahold of the apartment managers, and we both wanted to have a place to stay nailed down sooner rather than later, we opted to go for the BOQs.

It's raining, it's pouring
Kate's about to be snoring.
She went to bed with thoughts of crew practice in her head
beacause she has to get up early in the morning.

Putting the fun back in rowing...rofunwing.

During law class today I started daydreaming about graduation and the point when I finally get to hear the words "Class Dismissed" and throw my white service cap up in the air. 37 and a butt days....

This afternoon I turned in two more BDU tops to have 2LT rank and the MI branch insignia sewn on them. On monday I'll probably be able to ship home a box with my dress gray, dress mess, black parka, and a few other things in it.

Beautiful day out today. The temp was in the 80's, the sun was shining, the water was horrible, (okay, that wasn't a good part of today), and I only had one class. The TA-50 layout went well, but I think tomorrow's will take a little longer to prepare for. Next week I get to turn it all in.

How does one go about growing to love running? I sure hope I reach that point someday.

Still working out the place for the comissioning ceremony on graduation day. We all thought it'd be a relatively easy thing to figure out, but I think it's been almost a month of debating where to do it, and the group size has shrunk significantly.

APFT tomorrow. Please pray.

Today it was a beautiful day out. I got back from the regatta around 11:30 this morning and proceeded to try and take a nap. My effort proved fruitless, so I got up and read for a bit and then went over and talked to Charlie. After that I went down to Trophy Point and had a little quiet time, followed by going to Genesis. BG Scaparrotti was the guest speaker today. He talked to us about his Life Verse. The verse in the Bilble that is the theme of his life. The rest of the evening I spent mainly doing homework and reading.

Congratulations to Jason for running his first marathon today.

Tired and lost in thought...

Right now my orders have me going to a unit that is supposed to be deployed when I graduate from OBC, which means that I could be going straight to Iraq after OBC. I'm not sure how this all works, and I may end up with a different brigade, or even different division.

One of my teachers just asked me why I haven't made a Joe Bear CDX episode. I was rather suprised when he asked me, and said "You know about him, Sir?" His reply was "Of course I know." I wonder how many other of my teachers know about the Joe Bear episodes.

It's 7 minutes past midnight and I'm in TH212. This is a first in my time at the academy. I'm actually on a trip section for the CDX, and there are 13 or so other cadets here along with four teachers. Last night around 10 cadets spent the night down here with no teachers around, but I opted to sleep in my bed in my room and spend the day in TH212. Since my role in the CDX is mainly only important when people need to log on to their computers, I am spending my time working on my CS394 project that is due at 0735 Wed morning (about 7.5 hours from now).

It's 7 minutes past midnight and I'm in TH212. This is a first in my time at the academy. I'm actually on a trip section for the CDX, and there are 13 or so other cadets here along with four teachers. Last night around 10 cadets spent the night down here with no teachers around, but I opted to sleep in my bed in my room and spend the day in TH212. Since my role in the CDX is mainly only important when people need to log on to their computers, I am spending my time working on my CS394 project that is due at 0735 Wed morning (about 7.5 hours from now).

48 and a butt days until graduation! I have fewer lessons (11) left than the cows have months left at the academy.

48 and a butt days until graduation! I have fewer lessons (11) left than the cows have months left at the academy.

The kicker before the briefing was that my printer decided 20 minutes before when I was priting out all the slides that it'd be a good time to run out of ink. Thankfully the company printer is right across the hall.

I just gave my platoon training brief for MS class. In five years, or perhaps even one year, I think I'll look back on myself right now and laugh at how little I know about MI. The briefing went okay, as long as you're not interested in my actual training plan. I tried to make one to the best of my ability, but since I know next to nothing about Establishing a Common Ground Station Site, and how to train on it, and also managed to call myself a UAV platoon when I should have actually been a CGS Platoon if I was going to train on CGS stuff, my content pretty much was garbage. Since I managed to hit all of the little points of what was supposed to go into the training brief, the purpose, mission, timeline, map, lane diagram, resources, course of action, etc., I'm pretty sure I still passed with at least a C. God was gracious enough to make it so I gave the briefing to my teacher, who is signal, and not an actual MI officer. Most people have to give their briefings to officers in the actual branch that they are in. Apparently there is a shortage of MI officers in DMI. I'm glad it's over.

Episodes 15 and 16 of Joe Bear are posted online now. Thanks Mom :)

I think I ran around 7 or 8 miles today, which is the most I've run at one time since I did the 10-miler at Bragg this past summer. The chance to go on the run was actually an answered prayer. Originally my coach had today as a morning and afternoon practice day, but early this afternoon I realized that there was no time today that I could go for a run, and I've been trying to get in a run as often as possible in preperation for the APFT and better physical fitness in general. I asked God to make a way for me to not have to row today so that I could get in a run. Later in the afternoon I got an email from my coach saying that we were not going out on the water in the afternoon and he wanted us to do sit-ups, push-ups, and go for a long run. Prayer answered. I decided to deviate from my usual routes and instead go out Washington Gate and head towards Buckner (not running all the way there since that would be around a 14 mile round trip). I ended up running to round pond and back. My pace was extremely slow, even with the second half being mainly downhill or flat (the first part was therefore mainly uphill). I think I averaged 11 or 12 minute miles(gahhh!), although I don't know for sure because I wasn't really paying attention to my time or pace. I really need to work on running.

I think my room is the neatest it's been in quite a while, which is still extremely far below SAMI level, or even reasonable AMI standard, but it's better than it was before.

I'm not a fan of the time change. I'm not tired enough right now to be able to drop off to sleep in less than five minutes because my body still tells me that it is only 10:40pm even though it's 11:40pm, but when I get up at 5:05am my body will be yelling at me because it'll feel like it's 4:05am. The fall time change is so much nicer. Ah well, extra sunshine is nice. I was able to go for a run after practice today and it was still light out when I got back to my room at 6:40pm.

Off to the Steven Curtis Chapman, Casting Crowns and Chris Tomlin Concert!!!

PS. We lost against Bucknell today.

Check out the USMA Dilbert cartoon. So true (about the sleep part).

Tomorrow I am going to be branched Armor. It's Apirl Fools Day and so Anne came up with the idea of swapping out her aviation branch insignia for infantry insignia, and I decided to switch over to armor for the day. What makes it funny is that women are not allowed in either of those branches, so I'm curious as to how many people will take notice of the fact that we are wearing the insignia. I think I'll carry around my MI stuff just in case I am ordered to take off the armor one. Happy pre-april fools day.

I had a really good talk tonight with Charlie and Jason about modesty and what girls can do to help guys not to struggle so much, as well as talking about guys points of view on issues and girls points of view on issues.

So many thoughts, but they are going to stay in my head.

I found a new CD that I want to get: More Than 50 Most Loved Hymns (2CD) The hymns are amazing, and the way they are performed makes it even better. The only downsides of it are that it costs money (and I'm trying to not spend money at the moment), and it doesn't appear to have my favorite hymn on it. The only places I've found it online are Walmart and TVatlas. Walmart has it for much less. Perhaps if I ever make it out to the store (I always plan that I'll make a trip, but then never do), I'll get aroung to buying it. Until then I'll just listen to the 10 second sound clips walmart provides on the website.

HE IS RISEN! Happy Easter.

Last night I talked to Becky Canvar and found out that she's engaged to Nate. Congratulations! :)

I don't know what unit I'm going to yet, but tonight I looked at the deployment schedule for Ft. Hood. One of the divisions there isn't slated to be deployed around when I graduate OBC, but the other is. I don't know if that means that there is a possibility I'll be going pretty much straight to Iraq after OBC, but it looks right now like there is that possibility.

This morning I registered online to go to RMH for the 3 June session. I still have to send in my $75 before I'm officially registered. I also listed three books online with CampusBooks in hopes of selling them and getting some money for the trip.

I should be working on editing the SKDMARCS NCUR paper, but I've been procrastinating all morning and doing anything but get around to editing it.

During CS394 today I realized that I'd never done a CVS update on byron, but instead I had been working off my local machine, which meant my teacher would not be grading the stuff that I had actually worked on since he wanted everything on byron. During class I explained my situation to him and he told me to email him and he'd do the update, but take a few points off. With the project already at a 10% deduction due to being turned in late and probably missing some key components (such as the test cases not working when we switched over to byron from localhost, and forgetting to do XHTML validation testing), I'm praying that my mistake doesn't knock my group off the deep end.

During CS482 Erik and I sat around trying to figure out what to do for the CDX. We're tasked as the Domain Controllers, but have no clue what to do. We know what a domain controller is and the function of one, or at least have a little idea, but don't have any guidance from our team leader as to what he wants us to do. We joked about denying access privileges to everyone in order to make it secure, but our teacher didn't think that was very funny.

I just realized that this is the most I've talked about CS stuff in quite awhile. I tend to avoid all discussions related to computer matters and any computer related learning (besides when people ask me for help), when it's not required for a class. I definitely think I've learned more this year, and also find the skills much more applicable, than either of the past two years when I was still a major. Some parts are almost enjoyable at times (when things work), but my outside reading and time is usually spent doing things that have nothing to do with learning more about the subjects I'm studying.

1. Quality Time
2. Words of Affirmation
3. Physical Touch
4. Receiving Gifts
5. Acts of Service

Isaiah 6:8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’


"Holiness is not a series of do's and don'ts, but conformity to the character of God and obedience to the will of God." -The Pursuit of Holiness by Jerry Bridges

Thursday night some of the firsties are putting on a presentation of the Living Last Supper up at the Cadet Chapel. I have the role of Spot Light Person #1 (or perhaps I'm #2). Kate W. is the other spotlight person, and as TJ so astutely pointed out to us, it's Kate squared.

Last night at OCF I went to a different small group for the first time. I really like the D's, and still consider them my OCF group leaders, but I wish I could be both in their group and another group. I've realized that the depth of instruction and, as Ann put it "battle rythm" (which I laughed about and told her her name should be Tooley Toolerson), was leaving me unhappy and anxious about how the time was being spent. I went with Anne to her group, lead by Mr and Mrs H, after having asked her a few weeks ago if I could, and although we only had a mere ten or fifteen minutes for the small group time I enjoyed it a lot more. I wasn't anxious about time, and felt like the group was more of what I was looking for. During the fellowship time I went over and talked to the D's, and the more they told me not to worry about going to a new group the worse I felt about going to a new group. Mrs. D, Amanda, and I are still going to meet every week to talk, which I always look foward to doing, but I think I'll probably stick with Mr and Mrs H's small group on Tuesdays.

I still haven't made any decision about Rocky Mountain High. I should probably make one soon so that if I do decide to go I'll still be able to get a slot.

Should I go on Rocky Mountain High? http://www.springcanyon.org/rmh/rmh.htm

It looks like a ton of fun and an awesome opportunity and I would really like to go, but I don't know who else is going on it. Plus, I only have a month of leave before OBC, and it would eat up a week of it right in the middle. I would also miss Brian's wedding.

Congratulations to Besty and Mark on their engagment yesterday. Woohooo! My sister is getting married :)


Happy Birthday Dad!

God felt it was a good day for uniform drills. He decided to play around with the weather.

When I woke up this morning for crew practice it was around 45 degrees outside, no percipitation, but it looked like it had rained during the night and the snow looked like it would be gone in about a day. When I was walking back from practice it was even warmer, but the uniform for breakfast formation was AFC under parka. After breakfast they changed the uniform to grey jacket because it was so warm out, but then in the middle of first hour it started raining, so the uniform was changed to AFC under grey jacket wearing raincoat. By then end of second hour the uniform had changed again to AFC under parka because it was snowing. When I went to give blood after my last class today the wind and snow were blowing so hard that I thought my whole face would freeze. I was trying to use my binder to block the wind and the snow, while trying to avoid snow drifts that were a couple inches high. It's 20 degrees out, but feels like 4, and I heard it's supposed to get down to zero.

I need to learn how to relax. I look foward to friday afternoons because it's usually the one day of the week that I can go back to my room after class and relax for the rest of the day with nothing scheduled, and not worry about homework for the next day. I always look forward to crashing on my bed wtih a book and then falling asleep and not worrying about how long I sleep, but then when I get the chance to do that it doesn't quite work as well. Stuff comes up, or I was time on the computer, so the nap gets delayed. Once I lay down and start reading I realize that I'm not as sleepy as I thoguht i was, even though during the rest of the week I doze off in about 5 minutes. Eventually I put down the book and try and sleep, but then I start worrying about what I"ll do for dinner, and if I'll miss one of my friends IM'ing me or emailing me about going to eat, or if I'll sleep so much that I'll sleep through formation in the morning because I don't have my alarm set, so I end up getting up and setting my alarm for one or two hours later. When I lay back down my mind is still going a million miles an hour thinking about the work I should be doing instead of sleeping, or thinking about the book I just read, or anything and everything else that is preventing me from getting the quality nap that I"ve been looking forward to all week. I end up sleeping for only an hour or so, and it's usually not the deep nap I hoped for, and I still feel stressed about work, or whatever I have next on my schedule.

This semester I have a busier schedule than ever before with classes, projects, crew, military stuff, and activities I'm invovled in. I enjoy it all, well, not the projects so much, but sometimes I wonder if I've overscheduled myself and it's taking too much of a toll on me. Will life become more relaxed after I graduate? I wish I could answer yes to that, but I don't think being an officer isn't the most relaxing thing, espcially with the current deployments. I enjoy life, but I'd like a little break where I don't feel the need to put out 110% effort all the time, and not have things hanging over my head, even if it is something as simple as dinner.

Interesting moment of the day = the guy sitting next to me in Military Science class realized that he'll almost definetly be in Iraq for Christmas this year.

Class got a lot more intesting as we asked our teacher questions about OBC, deployments, pay allowances, leave allowances, and other new things we'll be facing after we graduate. 84 and a butt days.

How often do you have helicopters carrying generals, dignitaries, and who knows what other VIPs, land right outside your window? Although the noise of a helicopter landing is not very conducive to paper writing, it's well worth it to be able to watch the passengers try and act in a dignified manner as the exit into almost a foot of snow and trip over the snow piles.

Make that five people in the company. Another plebe caught it this afternoon. Jim and Jasmin are also sick, along with who knows how many other cadets.

A nasty stomach virus/food poisioning is hitting the corps right now. Alyson is sick with it right now, and over the course of the day four other people in the company alone have become sick. Alyson said that sick call was crammed with people suffering from it this morning. Right now I feel fine, so I'm praying that it doesn't hit me.

Busy and stressful week. I'll be glad when COB Friday roles around.

This evening I was thinking about a big entry that I wanted to write, but now all I want to do is go to bed. Sorry.

A snowstorm is passing through right now. Predictions in cadet land range from one to four feet, meaning we'll probably get about 5 or inches. The nice thing is that my coach canceled practice tomorrow morning due to the snow, and the corps is in BDUs tomorrow.

Happy 100th night weekend. I get to see my parents tomorrow. Yay:)

Today I have seen God in action. He is amazing. Through everything that has been happening I have been trying to surrender it all to God, praise Him in all circumstances, and not feel sorry for myself, but today was a real struggle. My weekly meeting with Mrs. D helped cheer me up, and tonight has been amazing.

I went into today without a definite decision of where I wanted to post, so throughout the day I was praying about it. It seemed to come down to Fort Hood and Fort Drum, although previously I wanted Fort Carson, Fort Lewis, or Alaska. As the day wore on the desire to go to Fort Hood grew stronger, but I thought the chances of my actually getting one of the slots to go there was small, since I was 59th out of 71 and there were only 10 slots for it. I prayed that if it was where God wanted me that I'd get the last slot.

Right before we started picking posts my branch rep told us about a few changes in the rankings, and I actually moved up to 57th. The first posts to go out were both in Hawaii. I don't rememeber when Hood opened up, but the whole time I was praying "God, not my will but yours be done." As the Hood slots started to go I started to pray that the next person would pick Korea, and sure enough they did. That happened three or four times with different posts. Finally the 50th person got to pick, and there were 4 Hood slots left. There was a small debacle with someone trying to post with thier fiancee, and all of a sudden two Hood slots were gone, and there were still two people in front of me. The next person picked some other post and so I knew right then I had a Hood because there were two slots left, and then the next person picked Hood. I thanked God and picked the last Hood slot.

Other answered prayers:
- Annah had her biopsy yesterday and they think it was just a cyst.
- I really wanted to go on the OCF spring retreat, but had the NCUR conference at VMI as well as a crew regatta that weekend, so going was not even an option. Then, this morning I found out that only one person in my team has to go to the conference, and it most likely will be Mike. After crew practice I found out that the crew regatta for that weekend was taken off our schedule due to lack of funds. It looks like I'll be on the spring OCF retreat after all. Praise God! (Please pray that it stays that way.)

I got the last slot for my future post.

In just a few hours I'll find out where I'll be stationed for the next 3 years. Please pray for all of the firsties as we pick our first post tonight.

Please pray for my cousins Christian and Matthew who are both in the hospital right now.

I am a mess right now. My friend Annah is in the hospital today to get a lump removed that may be cancerous. My friend Anne told me that she was going to go visit her after crew practice, and I was welcome to come along, but it'd probably mean missing the first half of OCF. I really want to go to the first part of OCF, but I also feel like I should go visit Annah. I know that I would welcome visits from friends if I were in her situation. My emotions are so wacko right now that trying to decide what to do is actually making me cry.

The OCF retreat was really good, and I am extremely glad I went on it, strenthend friendships, met new people, grew in my relationship with God, but it was, as expected, also an emotionaly draining weekend. This coming week is a rather major week, with post night on Wednesday and 100th night weekend this coming weekend. I'm looking forward to all of it, but I'm guessing my emotions will be rather rollercoastery (I think I made up that word). It's weeks like this where I am so glad that I can turn to God and know that He is there in and through everything.

Today I went and got my hair trimmed, and the lady who was trimming it told me that I have baby-fine hair. Why is my hair so thine? Am I mistaken when I remember having a rather thick head of hair a few years ago? I don't know why I'm only just noticing it now, but recently I have been noticing how thin my hair is. I don't know if it looks that way, but there is a huge difference when i brush it and when I occiasionally blow-dry it. I jokingly say that I should be the one going through chemo so that I can get a new head of hair when it's done.

How short is the First Class?

The First Class is so short that we have fewer weeks at the academy than the Cows have months. WOOHOO!

Happy 100th Day :)

Betsy, make those white blood cells mutliply. That's an order.

Today was a beautiful day here. The sky was blue, it was very warm out (for February), and just a nice day overall. A little spring in the middle of winter is always an uplifitng touch.

My law teacher not showing up to class on Friday was God answering my prayer. My teacher was sick, and even though the law class is normally redirected to another classroom, due to my teacher being the one who is the re-director for the department, my class didn't get redirected. Therefore, none of us were unexcused. Thank you Jesus :)

Tomorrow is the real 100th night. The weekend after next is just when it is observed. Today I reflected on my time at west point and my time leading up to coming here. I thanked God, was amazed at everything that has transpired, and felt extremely blessed for the opportunities I've had.

No crew practice tomorrow. YAY!!!!!

Thank you thank you thank you Mom and Dad :) Woohoo! I got something for valentines day from them.

Actually, once I got to crew practice my day brightned alot, even though it was crew practice. I decided to ask some of the girls on the team to go to dinner at Grant with me, my treat, to celebrate the day. Anne, Jackie, Abigail, and I are going to go soon. Anne gave everyone on the team bags of candy, Danielle handed out valentines day cards, and so did Abigail. Thank you ladies :)

I've been doing my best to try and not feel sorry for myself today, but right now my resolve is failing. I should think of how blessed I am and focus on that, but right now I'm coming up with a million excuses about why I have a right to feel sorry for myself. Inside I know I know that each excuse is garbage.

Alyson and I both got things in the mail today from our parents. She got a big teddy bear holding chocolates, and I got a form for my taxes.

Happy Valentines Day.

Betsy, happy second round of chemo day...or something like that.

"Once a source of shame, divorce has become its own peculiar rite of passage, so commonplace that more people are looking to commemorate the occasion..." NYTimes Article "O.K., It's Over. So Now Let's Party."

Sad. We need to start looking past ourselves.

This week, if it hasn't been obvious, I've felt rather stressed. On the way to law class this morning I was pouring out my frustration to God and crying out to Him for help. I feel exhausted physically, emotionally, and mentally, and while I was walking to class I asked God to help me make it through somehow. When I got to class the rest of my section was waiting outside the classroom because the door was locked. I had never had a class where the instruction failed to show up, although I have heard of it happening to other people and wished it would happen to me soemtime. It finally did. We waited outside the room for 10 minutes and then left. Although the section marcher took a headcount to make sure we were all present, we did not send a runner up to our instructor's office, so I hope that no disciplianary action follows for not doing that and all of us leaving. In any case, I hope this was God giving me a little break.

The first cadets just reported to the new National Afghan Miltiary Academy. Instead of a 5-year commitment after they graduate they have a 25-year commitment.

So much for not having a heavy load this semester. This week I've been busy from the time I get up (anywhere from 5am to 6:20am) to the time when I finally can crash on my bed for the night (midnight or later). How is this different from normal? It's mostly due to group project meetings and working on the projects during the day, crew practice in the afternoon, and then dealing with problems in the platoon at night. In there I try and get some prayer time and Bible study, and if I'm lucky I can sit down for about 5 minutes before the next thing on my schedule. I suppose it's good prep for life outside of West Point.

Long day...

The reason I wrote the last post is because I really do need help on what to do. I don't want to continue being angry about the situation. I've tried talking to the person, praying about it, trying to ignore it, trying to look at the situation from their perspective, but I the anger still boiled.

I also need to work on my pride. I just spend about 10 minutes explaining/arguing with Jason about Ash Wednesday and the meaning of the ashes, and the significance of Lent. My not wanting to be wrong was a significant factor in there, which was probably a good sign that I should've just walked away and not tried to enter in on the discussion.

How do I deal with a person(s) who Infuriates me? I don't like how angry I get, and I'm trying to not blow up at the person(s), yet sometimes, like today in class, it was taking almost every bit of self-restraint that I had in me. I am ashamed to say that after one comment was made at the end of class about the project we're working on I gave a death look to the person(s). I explained to the person how I felt they were not contributing to their share of the workload, but I ended up more angry then when I started, and they did not seem to care a bit about what I had to say. I can't wait till I'm out of CS394. The course leaves me in a very bad mood.

Can it be the afternoon of May 28th today?

Eddie: "Kate there is a preponderance of these little things called tracks in this room. I can feel you forcefully converting me.

Me: wave my arms towards him.

Eddie: "Ahhhh!"

I went from being 608 in my class at the beginning of last semester to being number 574 now. I wonder if I moved up in my branch at all.

This evening Sean came over and we talked about Christianity, spiritual gifts, works of the Holy Spirit, and our Christian backgrounds for about 1.5 hours. It was a good discussion, although I am still a bit uncomfertable sharing my backgroud, but the more I share the easier it becomes. I'm always a bit worried that if I share stuff people will think I am just trying to get attention for myself, but that's not it. I'd rather remain silent than share for my own glory. I guess I am glad in a way that it is something that I am not very comfertable sharing about with everybody, because it acts as kind of a check to make sure that when I do speak about it, I am doing it to serve God and not myself.

"All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing ins not hidden from you."
Psalm 38:9

When God says 'Wait' or 'No' to a prayer it is heard to hear, but keep in mind that He does hear all prayers and knows the longings of you heart. He says No or Wait because he has something better in store for those who seek Him. He has something better in store for you. Are we to seek what is second best? No, we are to run as if to get hte prize (I Cor 9:24). Trust in the Lord and seek after Him.

"No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love Him."
1 Cor 2:9/ Isaiah 64:4