The First Class is so short that we have fewer class days left than the plebes have semesters at the Academy.

At breakfast the First Captain made an announcment from the poop deck. Hearing from the First Captain at lunch or dinner usually brings good news, but when he starts to speak at breakfast everyone in the mess hall simultaniously catches their breath and the mood becomes very somber. Today was no different. He announced the news of the death of two 1998 West Point grads, Capts. Stephen Frank, 29, and Ralph John "Jay" Harting III, 28 who were killed April 29th while serving in Iraq. An article about them is avalible at http://www.wzzm13.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=39416. God bless them and their families.

I wonder if Alyson forgot that we're in PMI for the rest of the year. The sink and counter are clean, and the stopper is up. Her wardrobe is closed though, so perhaps she wanted a clean sink and counter.

Projects day is tomorrow and currently my project is not working. An important lesson learned is to never install an updated version of something without making sure there is a accessible and functioning backup in case the new version isn't compatible. I'm also about to learn how dependable the US Postal system is with their overnight mail delievery. Hopefully Mike, Mikey, and I will all come out okay. If everything fails we'll only have made Dr. F and the NSA look bad. Nothing too bad...(sarcasm here)

A new, just released yesterday, variant of the SOBER worm started attacking West Point yesterday afternoon. I was able to create a rule in Outlook that sends the hundreds of emails that have resulted from the worm into my deleted items. Hopefully DOIM will come up with a final solution soon. They've at least taken the step of blocking all .zip file extensions.

The NSA is supposed to release the official results of the Cyber Defense Exercise today.

All of yesterday I thought there were 26 and a butt days left, but then when I checked the countdown this morning it said 24. Sometimes it's nice to be wrong.

2 weeks of classes left, but really only 1.5. Next week there is one day, Wednesday, with no classes, and then I leave Thursday after lunch for Dad Vails. Almost done.

Two of the books I ordered last week came in today. They are Mimosa, by Amy Carmichael, and A Chance To Die by Ellizabeth Elliot. Getting books in the mail makes me feel like it's my birthday, even though I was the one who ordered them. I'm so excited to have some time this weekend to read them, although I should also work on the users manual for SKDMARCS. Projects day is on Wendesday next week. I turned down the invitation to the Projects Day banquet so that I can attend the Seder dinner at LTC D's house.

We aren't going to find out the results of the CDX until May 2nd. Originally we were supposed to find out tomorrow.

This morning Dr. F asked me if I would like to work for the NSA in the future. I said possibly. Back in high school I would've jumped at the chance to even visit the NSA. Right now I'm only thinking about the next five years. Actually, at the moment I'm concentrated on the next 29 days.

I really do have it easy compared to a lot of people my age in that I have a job waiting for me right after graduation and don't have to spend time and energy searching for one. Although, I guess they have it easier in other areas. It all works out in the end.

Joy and peace can only come in believing, and that is all I can say to Him tonight -- Lord, I believe. I don't love; I don't feel; I don't understand; I can only believe.

-Jim Elliot

Somebody made an announcment over CGR tonight and said "Close your windows and get back in your rooms, and tonight will be an easy night. I say again, Close your windows and get back in your rooms, and tonight will be an easy night." As far as I know the areas were relatively quiet before the announcment, but right after it was made everything erupted. People were yelling out their windows, throwing chem lights into the area, throwing milk cartons, and apparently there was also a flaming roll of TP thrown. Making an announcment like that is almost a 100% guarantee that you'll have a lot of trouble on your hands.

The new Joe Bear episode, Joe Bear Walks Hours, is now online. Thanks Mom :)

Extremely tired, and therefore extremely moody. When one of my friends asked what was on my mind I told him that it'd be better if I didn't even start to share because it's a jumbled mess combined with whinning. Instead I sat and stared off into space because my attempts to read were worthless.

Good news, tonight I won a second extra banquet ticket, so I now have five.

Anybody want to swap knees and shoulders with me? Perhaps I can just DX mine.

My boat got 2nd this past weekend...out of 3, but we beat that third boat by a good minute.

Class photo: http://www.panfoto.com/photos/colleges/detail.cfm?Product=428&Category=350

If, by Amy Carmichael (1867-1951)

If I have not compassion on my fellowservant, even as my Lord had pity on me, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can easily discuss the shortcomings and the sins of any; if I can speak in a casual way even of a child's misdoings, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another; if I can in any way slight another in conversation, or even in thought, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can write an unkind letter, speak an unkind word, think an unkind thought without grief and shame, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I am afraid to speak the truth, lest I lose affection, or lest the one concerned should say, "You do not understand," or because I fear to lose my reputation for kindness; if I put my own good name before the other's highest good, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I myself dominate myself, if my thoughts revolve around myself, if I am so occupied with myself I rarely have "a heart at leisure from itself," then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I cannot in honest happiness take the second place (or twentieth); if I cannot take the first without making a fuss about my unworthiness, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I do not give a friend "the benefit of the doubt," but put the worst construction instead of the best on what is said or done, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I take offense easily; if I am content to continue in a cool unfriendliness, though friendship be possible, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then I know nothing of Calvary love. For a cup brimful of sweet water cannot spill even one drop of bitter water, however suddenly jolted.

If I say, "Yes, I forgive, but I cannot forget," as though the God, who twice a day washes all the sands on all the shores of all the world, could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If souls can suffer alongside, and I hardly know it, because the spirit of discernment is not in me, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If the praise of man elates me and his blame depresses me; if I cannot rest under misunderstanding without defending myself; if I love to be loved more than to love, to be served more than to serve, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If in the fellowship of service I seek to attach a friend to myself, so that others are caused to feel unwanted; if my friendships do not draw others deeper in, but are ungenerous, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

That which I know not, teach Thou me, O Lord, my God.

I told Anne about Charlie's guess, and she said her guess would be sometime in 2008. I think I'll stop discussing the subject with people. Too weird.

Tonight Charlie predicted that I'll be engaged by Christmas of '06. Originally he said by next summer, but then he remembered that I'll most likely be deployed for a bit, so he moved his prediction to Christmas time. This came about by him realizing that Jason, he, and I won't see each other for awhile after graduation. He told me to make sure to invite him to my wedding, and then proceeded to guess the time when I'll be engaged. I was rather suprised, especially in my current state of singleness without any sight of a relationship with anyone on the horizon. Charlie wasn't any help in providing a guess as to whom I would be engaged, but told me that the time would come "like a thief in the night." I told him I'd give him a call around Christmas of '06 and let him know if he was correct. Of course, if he somehow did manage to be correct then I couldn't be a part of NGEUT anymore, and I'd lose the bet with Anne about which one of us will get engaged first. We both say the other will be the first.

Rachel and I each reserved our BOQs (bachleor officer quarters) at Fort Huachuca this evening. We were planning on renting an apartment together to cut costs and have more space, but at the branch meeting this evening someone said that in June or July they are going to stop allowing people to rent apartments. Instead, everyone has to live in the BOQs, and once those are full they are going to have everyone else stay in another specified location. That may have just been cadet rumor, but since Rachel and I couldn't get ahold of the apartment managers, and we both wanted to have a place to stay nailed down sooner rather than later, we opted to go for the BOQs.

It's raining, it's pouring
Kate's about to be snoring.
She went to bed with thoughts of crew practice in her head
beacause she has to get up early in the morning.

Putting the fun back in rowing...rofunwing.

During law class today I started daydreaming about graduation and the point when I finally get to hear the words "Class Dismissed" and throw my white service cap up in the air. 37 and a butt days....

This afternoon I turned in two more BDU tops to have 2LT rank and the MI branch insignia sewn on them. On monday I'll probably be able to ship home a box with my dress gray, dress mess, black parka, and a few other things in it.

Beautiful day out today. The temp was in the 80's, the sun was shining, the water was horrible, (okay, that wasn't a good part of today), and I only had one class. The TA-50 layout went well, but I think tomorrow's will take a little longer to prepare for. Next week I get to turn it all in.

How does one go about growing to love running? I sure hope I reach that point someday.

Still working out the place for the comissioning ceremony on graduation day. We all thought it'd be a relatively easy thing to figure out, but I think it's been almost a month of debating where to do it, and the group size has shrunk significantly.

APFT tomorrow. Please pray.

Today it was a beautiful day out. I got back from the regatta around 11:30 this morning and proceeded to try and take a nap. My effort proved fruitless, so I got up and read for a bit and then went over and talked to Charlie. After that I went down to Trophy Point and had a little quiet time, followed by going to Genesis. BG Scaparrotti was the guest speaker today. He talked to us about his Life Verse. The verse in the Bilble that is the theme of his life. The rest of the evening I spent mainly doing homework and reading.

Congratulations to Jason for running his first marathon today.

Tired and lost in thought...

Right now my orders have me going to a unit that is supposed to be deployed when I graduate from OBC, which means that I could be going straight to Iraq after OBC. I'm not sure how this all works, and I may end up with a different brigade, or even different division.

One of my teachers just asked me why I haven't made a Joe Bear CDX episode. I was rather suprised when he asked me, and said "You know about him, Sir?" His reply was "Of course I know." I wonder how many other of my teachers know about the Joe Bear episodes.

It's 7 minutes past midnight and I'm in TH212. This is a first in my time at the academy. I'm actually on a trip section for the CDX, and there are 13 or so other cadets here along with four teachers. Last night around 10 cadets spent the night down here with no teachers around, but I opted to sleep in my bed in my room and spend the day in TH212. Since my role in the CDX is mainly only important when people need to log on to their computers, I am spending my time working on my CS394 project that is due at 0735 Wed morning (about 7.5 hours from now).

It's 7 minutes past midnight and I'm in TH212. This is a first in my time at the academy. I'm actually on a trip section for the CDX, and there are 13 or so other cadets here along with four teachers. Last night around 10 cadets spent the night down here with no teachers around, but I opted to sleep in my bed in my room and spend the day in TH212. Since my role in the CDX is mainly only important when people need to log on to their computers, I am spending my time working on my CS394 project that is due at 0735 Wed morning (about 7.5 hours from now).

48 and a butt days until graduation! I have fewer lessons (11) left than the cows have months left at the academy.

48 and a butt days until graduation! I have fewer lessons (11) left than the cows have months left at the academy.

The kicker before the briefing was that my printer decided 20 minutes before when I was priting out all the slides that it'd be a good time to run out of ink. Thankfully the company printer is right across the hall.

I just gave my platoon training brief for MS class. In five years, or perhaps even one year, I think I'll look back on myself right now and laugh at how little I know about MI. The briefing went okay, as long as you're not interested in my actual training plan. I tried to make one to the best of my ability, but since I know next to nothing about Establishing a Common Ground Station Site, and how to train on it, and also managed to call myself a UAV platoon when I should have actually been a CGS Platoon if I was going to train on CGS stuff, my content pretty much was garbage. Since I managed to hit all of the little points of what was supposed to go into the training brief, the purpose, mission, timeline, map, lane diagram, resources, course of action, etc., I'm pretty sure I still passed with at least a C. God was gracious enough to make it so I gave the briefing to my teacher, who is signal, and not an actual MI officer. Most people have to give their briefings to officers in the actual branch that they are in. Apparently there is a shortage of MI officers in DMI. I'm glad it's over.

Episodes 15 and 16 of Joe Bear are posted online now. Thanks Mom :)

I think I ran around 7 or 8 miles today, which is the most I've run at one time since I did the 10-miler at Bragg this past summer. The chance to go on the run was actually an answered prayer. Originally my coach had today as a morning and afternoon practice day, but early this afternoon I realized that there was no time today that I could go for a run, and I've been trying to get in a run as often as possible in preperation for the APFT and better physical fitness in general. I asked God to make a way for me to not have to row today so that I could get in a run. Later in the afternoon I got an email from my coach saying that we were not going out on the water in the afternoon and he wanted us to do sit-ups, push-ups, and go for a long run. Prayer answered. I decided to deviate from my usual routes and instead go out Washington Gate and head towards Buckner (not running all the way there since that would be around a 14 mile round trip). I ended up running to round pond and back. My pace was extremely slow, even with the second half being mainly downhill or flat (the first part was therefore mainly uphill). I think I averaged 11 or 12 minute miles(gahhh!), although I don't know for sure because I wasn't really paying attention to my time or pace. I really need to work on running.

I think my room is the neatest it's been in quite a while, which is still extremely far below SAMI level, or even reasonable AMI standard, but it's better than it was before.

I'm not a fan of the time change. I'm not tired enough right now to be able to drop off to sleep in less than five minutes because my body still tells me that it is only 10:40pm even though it's 11:40pm, but when I get up at 5:05am my body will be yelling at me because it'll feel like it's 4:05am. The fall time change is so much nicer. Ah well, extra sunshine is nice. I was able to go for a run after practice today and it was still light out when I got back to my room at 6:40pm.

Off to the Steven Curtis Chapman, Casting Crowns and Chris Tomlin Concert!!!

PS. We lost against Bucknell today.

Check out the USMA Dilbert cartoon. So true (about the sleep part).

Tomorrow I am going to be branched Armor. It's Apirl Fools Day and so Anne came up with the idea of swapping out her aviation branch insignia for infantry insignia, and I decided to switch over to armor for the day. What makes it funny is that women are not allowed in either of those branches, so I'm curious as to how many people will take notice of the fact that we are wearing the insignia. I think I'll carry around my MI stuff just in case I am ordered to take off the armor one. Happy pre-april fools day.

I had a really good talk tonight with Charlie and Jason about modesty and what girls can do to help guys not to struggle so much, as well as talking about guys points of view on issues and girls points of view on issues.

So many thoughts, but they are going to stay in my head.

I found a new CD that I want to get: More Than 50 Most Loved Hymns (2CD) The hymns are amazing, and the way they are performed makes it even better. The only downsides of it are that it costs money (and I'm trying to not spend money at the moment), and it doesn't appear to have my favorite hymn on it. The only places I've found it online are Walmart and TVatlas. Walmart has it for much less. Perhaps if I ever make it out to the store (I always plan that I'll make a trip, but then never do), I'll get aroung to buying it. Until then I'll just listen to the 10 second sound clips walmart provides on the website.

HE IS RISEN! Happy Easter.

Last night I talked to Becky Canvar and found out that she's engaged to Nate. Congratulations! :)

I don't know what unit I'm going to yet, but tonight I looked at the deployment schedule for Ft. Hood. One of the divisions there isn't slated to be deployed around when I graduate OBC, but the other is. I don't know if that means that there is a possibility I'll be going pretty much straight to Iraq after OBC, but it looks right now like there is that possibility.

This morning I registered online to go to RMH for the 3 June session. I still have to send in my $75 before I'm officially registered. I also listed three books online with CampusBooks in hopes of selling them and getting some money for the trip.

I should be working on editing the SKDMARCS NCUR paper, but I've been procrastinating all morning and doing anything but get around to editing it.

During CS394 today I realized that I'd never done a CVS update on byron, but instead I had been working off my local machine, which meant my teacher would not be grading the stuff that I had actually worked on since he wanted everything on byron. During class I explained my situation to him and he told me to email him and he'd do the update, but take a few points off. With the project already at a 10% deduction due to being turned in late and probably missing some key components (such as the test cases not working when we switched over to byron from localhost, and forgetting to do XHTML validation testing), I'm praying that my mistake doesn't knock my group off the deep end.

During CS482 Erik and I sat around trying to figure out what to do for the CDX. We're tasked as the Domain Controllers, but have no clue what to do. We know what a domain controller is and the function of one, or at least have a little idea, but don't have any guidance from our team leader as to what he wants us to do. We joked about denying access privileges to everyone in order to make it secure, but our teacher didn't think that was very funny.

I just realized that this is the most I've talked about CS stuff in quite awhile. I tend to avoid all discussions related to computer matters and any computer related learning (besides when people ask me for help), when it's not required for a class. I definitely think I've learned more this year, and also find the skills much more applicable, than either of the past two years when I was still a major. Some parts are almost enjoyable at times (when things work), but my outside reading and time is usually spent doing things that have nothing to do with learning more about the subjects I'm studying.

1. Quality Time
2. Words of Affirmation
3. Physical Touch
4. Receiving Gifts
5. Acts of Service

Isaiah 6:8 Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, ‘Here am I. Send me!’


"Holiness is not a series of do's and don'ts, but conformity to the character of God and obedience to the will of God." -The Pursuit of Holiness by Jerry Bridges

Thursday night some of the firsties are putting on a presentation of the Living Last Supper up at the Cadet Chapel. I have the role of Spot Light Person #1 (or perhaps I'm #2). Kate W. is the other spotlight person, and as TJ so astutely pointed out to us, it's Kate squared.

Last night at OCF I went to a different small group for the first time. I really like the D's, and still consider them my OCF group leaders, but I wish I could be both in their group and another group. I've realized that the depth of instruction and, as Ann put it "battle rythm" (which I laughed about and told her her name should be Tooley Toolerson), was leaving me unhappy and anxious about how the time was being spent. I went with Anne to her group, lead by Mr and Mrs H, after having asked her a few weeks ago if I could, and although we only had a mere ten or fifteen minutes for the small group time I enjoyed it a lot more. I wasn't anxious about time, and felt like the group was more of what I was looking for. During the fellowship time I went over and talked to the D's, and the more they told me not to worry about going to a new group the worse I felt about going to a new group. Mrs. D, Amanda, and I are still going to meet every week to talk, which I always look foward to doing, but I think I'll probably stick with Mr and Mrs H's small group on Tuesdays.

I still haven't made any decision about Rocky Mountain High. I should probably make one soon so that if I do decide to go I'll still be able to get a slot.

Should I go on Rocky Mountain High? http://www.springcanyon.org/rmh/rmh.htm

It looks like a ton of fun and an awesome opportunity and I would really like to go, but I don't know who else is going on it. Plus, I only have a month of leave before OBC, and it would eat up a week of it right in the middle. I would also miss Brian's wedding.

Congratulations to Besty and Mark on their engagment yesterday. Woohooo! My sister is getting married :)


Happy Birthday Dad!

God felt it was a good day for uniform drills. He decided to play around with the weather.

When I woke up this morning for crew practice it was around 45 degrees outside, no percipitation, but it looked like it had rained during the night and the snow looked like it would be gone in about a day. When I was walking back from practice it was even warmer, but the uniform for breakfast formation was AFC under parka. After breakfast they changed the uniform to grey jacket because it was so warm out, but then in the middle of first hour it started raining, so the uniform was changed to AFC under grey jacket wearing raincoat. By then end of second hour the uniform had changed again to AFC under parka because it was snowing. When I went to give blood after my last class today the wind and snow were blowing so hard that I thought my whole face would freeze. I was trying to use my binder to block the wind and the snow, while trying to avoid snow drifts that were a couple inches high. It's 20 degrees out, but feels like 4, and I heard it's supposed to get down to zero.

I need to learn how to relax. I look foward to friday afternoons because it's usually the one day of the week that I can go back to my room after class and relax for the rest of the day with nothing scheduled, and not worry about homework for the next day. I always look forward to crashing on my bed wtih a book and then falling asleep and not worrying about how long I sleep, but then when I get the chance to do that it doesn't quite work as well. Stuff comes up, or I was time on the computer, so the nap gets delayed. Once I lay down and start reading I realize that I'm not as sleepy as I thoguht i was, even though during the rest of the week I doze off in about 5 minutes. Eventually I put down the book and try and sleep, but then I start worrying about what I"ll do for dinner, and if I'll miss one of my friends IM'ing me or emailing me about going to eat, or if I'll sleep so much that I'll sleep through formation in the morning because I don't have my alarm set, so I end up getting up and setting my alarm for one or two hours later. When I lay back down my mind is still going a million miles an hour thinking about the work I should be doing instead of sleeping, or thinking about the book I just read, or anything and everything else that is preventing me from getting the quality nap that I"ve been looking forward to all week. I end up sleeping for only an hour or so, and it's usually not the deep nap I hoped for, and I still feel stressed about work, or whatever I have next on my schedule.

This semester I have a busier schedule than ever before with classes, projects, crew, military stuff, and activities I'm invovled in. I enjoy it all, well, not the projects so much, but sometimes I wonder if I've overscheduled myself and it's taking too much of a toll on me. Will life become more relaxed after I graduate? I wish I could answer yes to that, but I don't think being an officer isn't the most relaxing thing, espcially with the current deployments. I enjoy life, but I'd like a little break where I don't feel the need to put out 110% effort all the time, and not have things hanging over my head, even if it is something as simple as dinner.

Interesting moment of the day = the guy sitting next to me in Military Science class realized that he'll almost definetly be in Iraq for Christmas this year.

Class got a lot more intesting as we asked our teacher questions about OBC, deployments, pay allowances, leave allowances, and other new things we'll be facing after we graduate. 84 and a butt days.

How often do you have helicopters carrying generals, dignitaries, and who knows what other VIPs, land right outside your window? Although the noise of a helicopter landing is not very conducive to paper writing, it's well worth it to be able to watch the passengers try and act in a dignified manner as the exit into almost a foot of snow and trip over the snow piles.

Make that five people in the company. Another plebe caught it this afternoon. Jim and Jasmin are also sick, along with who knows how many other cadets.

A nasty stomach virus/food poisioning is hitting the corps right now. Alyson is sick with it right now, and over the course of the day four other people in the company alone have become sick. Alyson said that sick call was crammed with people suffering from it this morning. Right now I feel fine, so I'm praying that it doesn't hit me.

Busy and stressful week. I'll be glad when COB Friday roles around.

This evening I was thinking about a big entry that I wanted to write, but now all I want to do is go to bed. Sorry.

A snowstorm is passing through right now. Predictions in cadet land range from one to four feet, meaning we'll probably get about 5 or inches. The nice thing is that my coach canceled practice tomorrow morning due to the snow, and the corps is in BDUs tomorrow.

Happy 100th night weekend. I get to see my parents tomorrow. Yay:)

Today I have seen God in action. He is amazing. Through everything that has been happening I have been trying to surrender it all to God, praise Him in all circumstances, and not feel sorry for myself, but today was a real struggle. My weekly meeting with Mrs. D helped cheer me up, and tonight has been amazing.

I went into today without a definite decision of where I wanted to post, so throughout the day I was praying about it. It seemed to come down to Fort Hood and Fort Drum, although previously I wanted Fort Carson, Fort Lewis, or Alaska. As the day wore on the desire to go to Fort Hood grew stronger, but I thought the chances of my actually getting one of the slots to go there was small, since I was 59th out of 71 and there were only 10 slots for it. I prayed that if it was where God wanted me that I'd get the last slot.

Right before we started picking posts my branch rep told us about a few changes in the rankings, and I actually moved up to 57th. The first posts to go out were both in Hawaii. I don't rememeber when Hood opened up, but the whole time I was praying "God, not my will but yours be done." As the Hood slots started to go I started to pray that the next person would pick Korea, and sure enough they did. That happened three or four times with different posts. Finally the 50th person got to pick, and there were 4 Hood slots left. There was a small debacle with someone trying to post with thier fiancee, and all of a sudden two Hood slots were gone, and there were still two people in front of me. The next person picked some other post and so I knew right then I had a Hood because there were two slots left, and then the next person picked Hood. I thanked God and picked the last Hood slot.

Other answered prayers:
- Annah had her biopsy yesterday and they think it was just a cyst.
- I really wanted to go on the OCF spring retreat, but had the NCUR conference at VMI as well as a crew regatta that weekend, so going was not even an option. Then, this morning I found out that only one person in my team has to go to the conference, and it most likely will be Mike. After crew practice I found out that the crew regatta for that weekend was taken off our schedule due to lack of funds. It looks like I'll be on the spring OCF retreat after all. Praise God! (Please pray that it stays that way.)

I got the last slot for my future post.

In just a few hours I'll find out where I'll be stationed for the next 3 years. Please pray for all of the firsties as we pick our first post tonight.

Please pray for my cousins Christian and Matthew who are both in the hospital right now.

I am a mess right now. My friend Annah is in the hospital today to get a lump removed that may be cancerous. My friend Anne told me that she was going to go visit her after crew practice, and I was welcome to come along, but it'd probably mean missing the first half of OCF. I really want to go to the first part of OCF, but I also feel like I should go visit Annah. I know that I would welcome visits from friends if I were in her situation. My emotions are so wacko right now that trying to decide what to do is actually making me cry.

The OCF retreat was really good, and I am extremely glad I went on it, strenthend friendships, met new people, grew in my relationship with God, but it was, as expected, also an emotionaly draining weekend. This coming week is a rather major week, with post night on Wednesday and 100th night weekend this coming weekend. I'm looking forward to all of it, but I'm guessing my emotions will be rather rollercoastery (I think I made up that word). It's weeks like this where I am so glad that I can turn to God and know that He is there in and through everything.

Today I went and got my hair trimmed, and the lady who was trimming it told me that I have baby-fine hair. Why is my hair so thine? Am I mistaken when I remember having a rather thick head of hair a few years ago? I don't know why I'm only just noticing it now, but recently I have been noticing how thin my hair is. I don't know if it looks that way, but there is a huge difference when i brush it and when I occiasionally blow-dry it. I jokingly say that I should be the one going through chemo so that I can get a new head of hair when it's done.

How short is the First Class?

The First Class is so short that we have fewer weeks at the academy than the Cows have months. WOOHOO!

Happy 100th Day :)

Betsy, make those white blood cells mutliply. That's an order.

Today was a beautiful day here. The sky was blue, it was very warm out (for February), and just a nice day overall. A little spring in the middle of winter is always an uplifitng touch.

My law teacher not showing up to class on Friday was God answering my prayer. My teacher was sick, and even though the law class is normally redirected to another classroom, due to my teacher being the one who is the re-director for the department, my class didn't get redirected. Therefore, none of us were unexcused. Thank you Jesus :)

Tomorrow is the real 100th night. The weekend after next is just when it is observed. Today I reflected on my time at west point and my time leading up to coming here. I thanked God, was amazed at everything that has transpired, and felt extremely blessed for the opportunities I've had.

No crew practice tomorrow. YAY!!!!!

Thank you thank you thank you Mom and Dad :) Woohoo! I got something for valentines day from them.

Actually, once I got to crew practice my day brightned alot, even though it was crew practice. I decided to ask some of the girls on the team to go to dinner at Grant with me, my treat, to celebrate the day. Anne, Jackie, Abigail, and I are going to go soon. Anne gave everyone on the team bags of candy, Danielle handed out valentines day cards, and so did Abigail. Thank you ladies :)

I've been doing my best to try and not feel sorry for myself today, but right now my resolve is failing. I should think of how blessed I am and focus on that, but right now I'm coming up with a million excuses about why I have a right to feel sorry for myself. Inside I know I know that each excuse is garbage.

Alyson and I both got things in the mail today from our parents. She got a big teddy bear holding chocolates, and I got a form for my taxes.

Happy Valentines Day.

Betsy, happy second round of chemo day...or something like that.

"Once a source of shame, divorce has become its own peculiar rite of passage, so commonplace that more people are looking to commemorate the occasion..." NYTimes Article "O.K., It's Over. So Now Let's Party."

Sad. We need to start looking past ourselves.

This week, if it hasn't been obvious, I've felt rather stressed. On the way to law class this morning I was pouring out my frustration to God and crying out to Him for help. I feel exhausted physically, emotionally, and mentally, and while I was walking to class I asked God to help me make it through somehow. When I got to class the rest of my section was waiting outside the classroom because the door was locked. I had never had a class where the instruction failed to show up, although I have heard of it happening to other people and wished it would happen to me soemtime. It finally did. We waited outside the room for 10 minutes and then left. Although the section marcher took a headcount to make sure we were all present, we did not send a runner up to our instructor's office, so I hope that no disciplianary action follows for not doing that and all of us leaving. In any case, I hope this was God giving me a little break.

The first cadets just reported to the new National Afghan Miltiary Academy. Instead of a 5-year commitment after they graduate they have a 25-year commitment.

So much for not having a heavy load this semester. This week I've been busy from the time I get up (anywhere from 5am to 6:20am) to the time when I finally can crash on my bed for the night (midnight or later). How is this different from normal? It's mostly due to group project meetings and working on the projects during the day, crew practice in the afternoon, and then dealing with problems in the platoon at night. In there I try and get some prayer time and Bible study, and if I'm lucky I can sit down for about 5 minutes before the next thing on my schedule. I suppose it's good prep for life outside of West Point.

Long day...

The reason I wrote the last post is because I really do need help on what to do. I don't want to continue being angry about the situation. I've tried talking to the person, praying about it, trying to ignore it, trying to look at the situation from their perspective, but I the anger still boiled.

I also need to work on my pride. I just spend about 10 minutes explaining/arguing with Jason about Ash Wednesday and the meaning of the ashes, and the significance of Lent. My not wanting to be wrong was a significant factor in there, which was probably a good sign that I should've just walked away and not tried to enter in on the discussion.

How do I deal with a person(s) who Infuriates me? I don't like how angry I get, and I'm trying to not blow up at the person(s), yet sometimes, like today in class, it was taking almost every bit of self-restraint that I had in me. I am ashamed to say that after one comment was made at the end of class about the project we're working on I gave a death look to the person(s). I explained to the person how I felt they were not contributing to their share of the workload, but I ended up more angry then when I started, and they did not seem to care a bit about what I had to say. I can't wait till I'm out of CS394. The course leaves me in a very bad mood.

Can it be the afternoon of May 28th today?

Eddie: "Kate there is a preponderance of these little things called tracks in this room. I can feel you forcefully converting me.

Me: wave my arms towards him.

Eddie: "Ahhhh!"

I went from being 608 in my class at the beginning of last semester to being number 574 now. I wonder if I moved up in my branch at all.

This evening Sean came over and we talked about Christianity, spiritual gifts, works of the Holy Spirit, and our Christian backgrounds for about 1.5 hours. It was a good discussion, although I am still a bit uncomfertable sharing my backgroud, but the more I share the easier it becomes. I'm always a bit worried that if I share stuff people will think I am just trying to get attention for myself, but that's not it. I'd rather remain silent than share for my own glory. I guess I am glad in a way that it is something that I am not very comfertable sharing about with everybody, because it acts as kind of a check to make sure that when I do speak about it, I am doing it to serve God and not myself.

"All my longings lie open before you, O Lord;
my sighing ins not hidden from you."
Psalm 38:9

When God says 'Wait' or 'No' to a prayer it is heard to hear, but keep in mind that He does hear all prayers and knows the longings of you heart. He says No or Wait because he has something better in store for those who seek Him. He has something better in store for you. Are we to seek what is second best? No, we are to run as if to get hte prize (I Cor 9:24). Trust in the Lord and seek after Him.

"No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love Him."
1 Cor 2:9/ Isaiah 64:4

Please pray for the saftey of the citizens of Iraq and the soldiers over there today during the elections.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowldege him, and he will make your paths straight."
~Proverbs 3: 5-6

Trust in the Lord - Have faith in the Lord that He Loves you and cares for you.
And lean not on your own understanding - Do not let your worries or doubts direct you.
In all your ways acknoldege Him - give thanks, honor, and praise to God in everything all the time
And He will make your paths straight - God will direct you and lead you to Him to fullfil His plan and purpose.

It's not a very good explanation of each part, but I felt the need to jot something down about the verse.

Oh good. It's up to 7 degrees F outside. Perhaps we won't freeze during lunch formation.

God bless West Point because right now I sure don't want to.

We had been having indoor formations for the past week or so due to the snow and cold weather, but that ended yesterday when, in the middle of a cold snap, higher ordered us to start outdoor formations once again. This morning when I woke up the temperture outside was -11 F with a windchill of -25 F. Formation was still outdoors. We are not allowed to wear any ear protection. We can layer all we want and have the rest of our bodies relatively safe, but our ears are fully exposed to the elements for 10-15 minutes. That may not sound that bad, but I challenge you to stand in one place without moving, without being able to reach up and cover your ears at all, with the wind blowing sub-zero temperture air mercilessly against your ears and see how long you can stand it. It is quite painful, and dangerous. My company is fortunate in that we are the closest ones to the door and are the first ones into the mess hall, but there are other companies, such as A3, and 1st Battalion 1st Regiment who first must wait while all the other companies march into the messhall before they have a chance to get out of the elements, and also have a farther distance to march than anyone else.

I"M DONE WITH THE IOCT FOREVER!!!!! THANK YOU LORD!!!! And thank you everone else for your prayers.

I'm taking the IOCT this afternoon around 4:30 or 5. Please say a prayer for me and everyone else taking it at that time.

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
-Philippians 4:13

The most recent Joe Bear episode, The IOCT, is now online. Thanks Mom :)

Nice wedding, good weekend, and I was able to be with my family for a little longer than I had planned due to the snowstorm :) I'll hopefully write about the highlights of the weekend later.

I'll be home in less than 12 hours (I hope).

Happy Inaguration Day!

Two of the people in my platoon, a plebe and a yearling, tried out and were choosen to march in the Inaguration Parade.

Stress seems to go in waves around here. Everything is calm for a little while, and then a big wave hits, then it calms down, then another wave hits. The cycle just keeps repeating itself. Stuff pops up, like an IPR that my teacher just told us about, or the IOCT, that makes the wave all that much bigger.

In a little Bible Study that I'm doing it said to write about some areas of my life that I long to be free. I came up with three areas right away: worship, thinking, and free from worry.

Freedom in worship. I live in a free society and am free to worship however I want to, but that doesn't keep me from being self-concious about some stuff. I want to be free to worship God however I feel called, be it on my knees, or dancing around a room singing at the top of my lungs, or perhaps silently, or speaking in tounges.

Freedom in thinking. I want to be free to let my mind wander knowing that whatever I start thinking about glorifies God. I want to be free from thinking about the latest gossip, or whatever else my mind wanders to.

Freedom from worry. I want to be free from the usless worry that makes me stress out over things. I want to be able to give everything over to God and rest assured that He is in control.

Sunny 5°F
Feels Like
-11°F

Happy MLK Day.

On Friday I had last hour MS class, so I wasn't done with school until 1600. After class I went over to the IOCT to work on it for a little while. The horizontal bars make me a little nervous, so I practice them a lot. On Friday on the second time across them I slipped on them, but was saved because I was holding onto one of the perpendicular bars at the time. I had to start back at the very begining after that trying to get over my fear of the bars.

After the IOCT practice Anne, Heather, Jordan C., Rachel, Abigail, Beth, and I went to Uno's for dinner, and then I went to Walmart to do some grocery shopping. When I got back Anne and I watched Miracle until Taps.

Saturday morning I woke up around 9:30 or 10 and sat around the room until 2pm when Heather and I went over to the D's house. We baked cookies, did laundry, and played with the kids. I left around 5pm because Chris had invited me out to a movie with him and Chad. Before the movie we went to eat at a chinese buffett. While we were eating I noticed that all we talked about was West Point, and asked if that was sad. Chad said he thought it wasn't a sad fact, because it was something we all shared in common.

When I got back from the movie I went over to Anne's room and watched another movie with her and Heather. We started another movie when that one was done, but I left after about 5 minutes of it.

Sunday morning I got up around 9:30 and went to Church. After Church I went to brunch and then decided that I felt like snowboarding. I got Mot's and Anne to come along with me. Mot's didnt spend too much time out on the slope, but Anne and I had fun. She's been skiing since she was in kindergarten, but it was only my fourth or fifth time snowboarding, and my first time since yuck year. I fell a lot, but not nearly as much or as badly as I did when I was first learning yuck year.

We left the slope around 4:30pm and when I got back to the barracks I found Charlie and Jason back in their room after a trip to the city. Jason went off camping Sunday night, but Charlie invited me out with him, Chris, Jordan B., a cow, and a yearling. We went to Arby's and then saw In Good Company. It was a good movie, and we all left the theater smiling.

Monday morning I woke up at 9:30am and found an IM from Charlie inviting me out to Andy's for breakfast at 10. I got ready to go and went by Charlie's room only to find him still asleep. He woke up when I knocked and gave Jordan B. a call, but he was still asleep as well. Charlie decided to push the breakfast time to 11:30. At 11:30 Jordan, Chris, Charlie, and I went out and had a delicious meal at Andy's. Good food, good price. It was only the second time I've been there. I spent the rest of the day doing laundry and sitting around my room doing nothing much at all.

The weekend was a pretty good weekend, although I didn't really get away from West Point. Anne had invited me to go to the Met with her and Mot's, but I declined because I didn't want to have to get up around 8:30am. The best part is that this week has only 4 days of class :)

I feel like I'm in a zoo. This morning my TAC NCO showed a bunch of air force officers around the barracks and I felt like I was on exhibit. The rest of the battalion was in PMI today, but my company had to be in AMI till noon, which, among other things, means no sleeping and doors open. When the officers came by they all peeked into the room as they passed. Thankfully I have an hour off after lunch before my last two classes and can get in a quick nap. This week has left me exhausted.

I am so glad this weekend is a three day weekend. Heather has CDO all weekend, so a few of us are staying around to keep her company. I also need to practice the IOCT a lot. On Saturday Heather and I are going over to the D's house to do laundry, bake cookies, and relax. Charlie and Jason invited me to go camping with them and Chris and Amber, so I'm thinking about joining them either Saturday evening or Sunday afternoon. The main things that I want to accomplish this weekend are sleep an relaxation.

The gloom period has most definetly hit. It's grey, rainy, and cold. Why can't it be snowing instead?

So glad it's Friday...

Tired.

This week is dragging by. I haven't really felt like writing much. Crew practice and IOCT practice are wearing me out. I feel like I'm spending a lot of time complaining to God and asking why. Where has my smile gone?

My sister isn't supposed to be talking about when to get engaged and married. To me she's still only 7! (even though she is older than me).

Speaking of engagments, I've been seeing more and more diamond rings on the hands of women cadets. I can name 7 or 8 right off the top of my head, and there are many many more who's names and faces I don't rememeber, but have heard that so and so got engaged. My guess is that there are at least 32 who are engaged, since in past years I've noticed there is usually at least one woman, if not more, in each company who is engaged. That's over a quarter of the girls in my class. Wow.

Today's my last first day of classes for awhile...I hope. My morning classes went well. I only have two in the morning and two in the afternoon on day one's. On day two's I have two classes, but they are both two hour blocks.

I made a new Joe Bear epsisode last night with the help of Annah. I don't know when it will be posted online.

Awesome poem by Russell Kelfer:

WAIT

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried.
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait!"

"'Wait?', you say, wait!" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By FAITH I have asked, and am claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"And Lord, you promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting. . .for what?"

He seemed then to kneel and His eyes wept with mine,
And he tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want--but, you wouldn't know ME.

"You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;
You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in me
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

"You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of my Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save. . .(for a start),
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of my heart.

"The glow of my comfort late into the night.
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have LAST.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dreams for your loved ones overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss! if I lost what I'm doing in you!

"So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see
THAT THE GREATEST OF GIFTS IS TO GET TO KNOW ME.
And though oft may my answers seem terribly late,
My wisest of answers is still but to WAIT."

This poem has had a real impact on me recently.

The asking for money from West Point has started. This evening we had a meeting about giving money to our class fund for our 10th year reunion gift to West Point. Tomorrow night we have a briefing from the Association of Graduates (AOG) that most likely is them trying to get us to start giving money to them as well.

My PSG just told me to not work so hard. I need to learn what I should leave to him since I am the PL.

143 Days left :)

I'm back at school now in the same room and phone number as last semester. I love the view I have. Big news, Alyson (my roommate of 3 years) got engaged over break! Congratulations Alyson :)

Happy New Year!

Woohoo, it's finally 2005 :)