The view from my window is beautiful.

Last night when I I got back to West Point after the race it was about 11:30 pm. I went and put some trash in a garbage can, and when I looked up all I could say was "Wow!" The night sky in front of me appeared to envelop the earth, and the stars in the sky were more dazzeling then I remembered. I spent the walk to my room with my head tilted up towards the sky looking at all the stars.

BTW, my boat got 4th in our race, and beat every other college/university team in the race. It was club teams that got us. Don't they know that is what the club entry is for?

Whatever happened to wearing gloves?

It is 42 degrees out right now and the uniform for lunch formation is BDU's. Not BDU's under field jacket, not even Bdu's wearing gloves. No, just BDU's...with the first class wearing sabers.

I just happened upon a friend, Charlie's, away messages, and it seemed to speak directly to me.

you're never really ready
you never have time,
you make time,
you're never mature enough

I doubt he had any idea that when he put that up as his away message it would speak to someone, let alone me, but it did, especially in regards to a post from a few days ago. Not that it really changes anything, but it's food for thought.

The meeting with Amanda and Mrs. D. was just what I needed to get me through today. Today was our first weekly meeting where we get together for an hour of discussion, Bilble Study, and prayer. It was great.

Today is acting like a Wednesday.

A couple of weeks, or maybe it was months, ago I wrote about how I had decided that "I wanted to try and not focus on guys/relationships and not date anyone for at least the next three months." Well, over the past three months I've done a lot of praying, thinking, and reading, and come to some realizations about myself and where I am. I used to think that I was ready for a relationship, and that the only thing I was waiting for was for the right guy to show up. However, I now believe that even if Mr. Right did show up right now I'd have to send him away and tell him to come back later.

Although I still sometimes wish I were in a relationship right now, most of the time I no longer feel that longing. That is not to say that I do not hope to one day be in one, however, I am not mature enough to be in one, nor do I have the time or energy for one at the moment.

When I say that I am not mature enough for a relationship, what I am mostly talking about is spiritually maturity. This semester I've been trying to put God first, draw closer to Him, read the Bible more, grow in my faith, and learn as much as I can. I've felt like God has been telling me that I'm in a period of growing and waiting right now, and to focus my time on Him and not even look for a relationship.

I know that if a guy entered the picture right now I would not be able to handle it, because I would end up letting the time I spent with either God or the guy slip, and it most likely would be God. Therefore, I have no interest in a relationship at the moment.

I don't know how long this period will last for me, but I am fine with however long it takes, as long as God remains number one in my life.

I need to learn how to love God and others, and also accept God's love.
I need to learn how to put God first at all times in all things.
I need to have a more personal relationship with Jesus.
I need to grow in my faith and become more firm in my beliefs.

Any thoughts?

I voted, did you?

Sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep

I love fall.

It's been a long night. I'm not a fan of windows update, and neither are the people in my company.

A new Joe Bear episode is posted.


Thank you Heidi and S. Woods for both of your gift certificates. I really appreciate them and have a long list of books I want to buy :)

Being one of the "golden children," as some of the girls on the team have named the members of my boat, isn't always so golden. It means being out on the water when everybody else gets a day off. Oh well, this is what I've been working towards since plebe year, so I guess I shouldn't complain.

This is where I stand at 10 week grades:



CS401 I2 A 15%

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CS484 A1 A- 20%

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IT305 A+ 26%

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IT460 B 30%

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IT485 A 19%

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MD401 C 10%

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MS401 A- 30%

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PE424 NA 20%

As you can see, there is a lot or work left in every class, which means there is a lot of time for my grades to go up or down.

Seeing my TAC and TACNCO down at the boathouse experiancing the pain of the erg this morning along with the rest of the Brigade Tactical Department was a great birthday present.

Thank you Family for the birthday package. I love the stuff in it :)

There is a lot of yelling going on in the hallway and outside due to the Yankee's vs Red Sox's game. As much as I enjoy playing baseball, I'm not a big fan of watching the game. I turned it on for a few minutes, and almost became interested, but turned it off before I could actually start to really watch it so that I could get back to work. Work work work, that is what I've been doing.

Thank you Heidi for the books. I got them in the mail today, and am about a quarter of the way through right now.

This past weekend I read the student edition of the book The Case for Christ. When I bought it I didn't realize I was buying the student edition, so at first the writing style seemed a bit odd to me, but then it made sense once I figured out the reason. I enjoyed the book and it helped me, but I'd like to read the original edition. I think I'd get even more out of that one.

Jasmin, you and your family are in my prayers.

Thursday-Monday are going to be Thayer days for me. Thursday I have to teach a class to my company on Microsoft Outlook, and all the fancy stuff you can do on it. Friday is my birthday, and also an IT305 WPR. Saturday and Sunday are the Head of the Charles Regatta, of which I am now the Cadet-In-Charge (CIC). Monday I have a project due in CS484 and part of a project due in IT305. I was hoping to organize the praise and worship thing for Thursday, but then it got moved to Friday, and now neither of those days will work, so Charlie was saying Sunday, but I'll be getting back late, so someone suggested Monday, but I'm not sure if that will work either.

I really wish I could go on the OCF fall retreat, but I have a regatta that weekend. Crew seems to be getting in the way of a lot of things this year. Perhaps that is because there is more that I want to do than in previous years.

http://www.basementwindowfilms.com/armyusf.wmv

We have a winning streak. GO ARMY!

This weekend is plebe parent weekend for the class of 2008. I, however, am getting out of here. Tomorrow I'm going down to Philly for a regatta on Saturday. Then, after the race some friends and I are heading back up to the Catskills to meet up with some of our other friends at our usual cabin. On Sunday some of us are hopefully going mountain biking. Needless to say, I'm looking forward to the long three day weekend.

Everyday I get on the water with the thought that this will be the day that I push myself harder than ever before. My favorite words to hear uttered from my coach are "full pressure." I start rowing, trying to stay in control as I move up the slide, and then let the power in my legs explode as I pull the oar through the water. With each stroke the burning in my legs increases, but my only thoughts are of putting more distance between myself and the other boats in the water. The coxswain yells for a power ten. I hear someone screaming, and then realize that the sound is actually coming from myself as I try and find any last bit of strength hiding in my body. I leave every ounce of energy out on the water, because I know that if I don't, the other boat will. The burning in my legs is replaced with the relization that I can feel the skin being torn lose from my hands. My world starts to become black around the edges as the words "final stretch" echo through the air. My body begs for mercy, for rest, but I push it even harder. The end finally comes when I have exhausted all the strength in my body. As the adrenaline fades away the fire in my hands increase. I look down and see blood covering my oar, and new blisters forming on my hands. Yet the only thing that makes any difference to me is if my boat beat the other boat by a greater distance today than yesterday.

Yet another day down. Not much happened today worthy of mentioning, just the usual class, practice, hw, and avoiding hw.

On a totally different subject...
When I read the New Testament it seems so alive, every verse seems to jump out at me and speak directly to me. However, I'd been having trouble reading the Old Testament. It didn't seem to speak to me in the same way, and it didn't really catch my interest. After yet another frustrating attempt last Thursday I prayed and asked God that he would show me how to read the Old Testement. That evening I went to the OCF prayer time at the cadet interfailth center like usual on Thursday nights, and Ryan and Jim were already there. We sat and talked for a little while about God, faith, and then Ryan mentioned he was reading the Old Testament, and I knew right away that God was providing the answer to my prayers. I told Jim and Ryan about how I was having trouble getting excited about the Old Testement in the same way as the New Testement. Ryan told me to start at the beginning and read the old testement through. There was the answer, so simple, so obvious, and yet I had completely ignored it before. I've started to read it that way again, and am getting so much more out of it. God definetly does answer prayer.

A new Joe Bear episode is long overdue, but I've been having a brain block as to what the story should be. He now has a scuba outfit, thanks to Heidi :) and a new bdu-wearing cadet-bear friend in another company, thanks to Amanda. What should his next adventure be? Help!

One of the cows in my company: Riding the Goal Post after Army wins

ARMY BEAT CINCINNATI!!!!

It's been both a good and a frustrating night. I'm pretty sure some people think I'm crazy, or at least have some messed up beliefs now. Of course, I kinda expected that reaction if I talked about the Holy Spirit and what kind of stuff I grew up with as the norm. If it were non-Christians who thought that I wouldn't mind too much, but it's strong Christians that I've talked to who don't know much about it, or have any experiance with it. Talking about it makes me uncomferatble, makes them uncomferterable, and is hard, so what do I do? Am I crazy, and along with me my friends and family?

I have a WPR tomorrow in IT460 that I have not studied for and am no where near ready to take. It's time to say goodbye to my good grades.

Branching Preferences
1 MILITARY INTELLIGENCE
2 SIGNAL CORPS
3 ENGINEERS
4 ADJUTANT GENERAL CORPS
5 AIR DEFENSE ARTILLERY
6 FIELD ARTILLERY
7 MILITARY POLICE
8 ARMY AVIATION
9 MEDICAL SERVICE CORPS
10 CHEMICAL
11 ORDNANCE
12 TRANSPORTATION CORPS
13 QUARTERMASTER CORPS
14 FINANCE CORPS

There is one thing that I really want for my Birthday, and it is a prayer meeting. Most people usually associate turning 21 with going out and drinking the night away with friends, but what i really want is to instead have a time of praising, worshiping, praying, singing, and experianceing the power of God and the Holy Spirit with friends. Please pray for it.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everthing, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God , which trancends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. "
Philippians 4:6-7

I have to put in my choices for branches by Friday. Military Intelligence is first on my list, but I keep flip-flopping between Engineers and Signal for number two. I haven't even decided what order the the other nine branches are going to go in. It's only a little decision that only affects the next five to twenty years of my life. Perhaps I'll just use a dart board to choose.

This weekend is the first race of my last year of rowing, or at least rowing for a school.

I had a really good time with my parents. It's unfortunate that I won't be around for the tailgate that they are in charge or tomorrow. I'm glad that I at least was able to spend time withe them yesterday and today.

I have so much I want to write, but I need to get to bed. Good night.

Such a feeling of relief and a weight lifted. Sorry, not willing to tell the whole world, so I'm not going to write more than that.

I used to write about almost anything, school, guys I liked, my day to day life, but now I tend to avoid writing about a lot of things. I don't write much about my school day, because I've already lived it once, and I don't feel like re-living it again in telling it. The subject of guys I am interested in is avoided, or even talking about my relationship if I happen to be in one, is avoided because it's too personal.

I've changed from a person who didn't care who read this and what they thought, to a person who is more concerned about my privacy. One of my classes is making me guard my privacy even more. We talk about information warfare, the ethics involved, and then get hands on training. The class is fairly enjoyable, although there is a lot of reading every night, most of which I skim, and by skim I mean scroll down the page and read one or two words.

It's amazing how things change.

I get to see my parents tomorrow. YAY :)

In my mind Betsy and Heidi are now 27 and 29 respectively. They seem much older and more mature than the 23 and 25 year old's I know and am friends with, so therefore I am adding on some year's to their ages. In addition, I think I'll drop back down to being 19. I don't feel like I'm almost 21.

Check out these 6 week grades. I am so glad I switched to an FOS. I am almost certain that if I had remained a CS major I would not have been able to graduate on time. A lot of the people who are majors have D's and F's right now in a few of their classes. If they are struggling, then there would've been no hope for me.

CS401 NG 0%

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CS484 A- 20%

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IT305 A 10%

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IT460 A- 10%

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IT485 A+ 9 9%

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MS401 A 20%

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PE424 B 20%

As I've said before, I'm not Tiger Woods at golf.

What I strive for:

"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith, and in purity."

1 Timothy 4:12

On saturday, after being locked out of Thayer Hall and then finding out my project meeting was canceled, I took off for the night and drove to my favorite town in NY, Haines Falls. I met up with Leah, Celio, and Heather, who had already been camping there for a night. I got there around 7pm, and since they were already at the s'more making part of the evening, and I hadn't eaten dinner, I procceded to consume 4 or 5 s'mores over the course of the night. Celio was greatly amused by a chicken carcass that he had on a stick, and was waving it around, sticking it in everybody's face, and trying to get it to burn in the fire. He had roasted the chicken over the fire for their dinner, and from what they were all saying, it turned out very well. Too bad I missed it. We sat around the fire for a long time talking, stuffing our faces with s'mores, candied apples, and the individual parts of s'mores.

The excitment of the evening happened when we heard a rustling over by the picnic table. Celio told me to turn on my lantern, and when I did we saw a huge racoon. We claim it was 50 lbs, but it was probably only 20 or 30 lbs. I'm terrible at guessing weight, so it may have been much less than that. In any case, it was enormous. Celio ran after it with a big stick, and then a man popped out of the woods and asked if the racoon was over by us. The racoon tried to climb up a tree, and celio was running around the tree with the stick, Heather and I were standing off to the side watching, and Leah was asking Celio to not hit the racoon. The racoon decided the tree wasn't the best bet, and decided to try and make a run for it. The man threw a rather large rock at it, but missed, and the racoon ran/waddled off into the darkness.

I eventually got up around 9am, read for awhile until everyone else got up, and then we packed up our campsite. For breakfast we ate at the same diner that Leah, Celio and I ate at after we went backpacking right after graduation in June. The meal we ate back in June was the second best breakfast I've ever had, the first being the breakfast following Robin Sage. Both were so good because it was the first real meal I'd eaten in a few days/weeks. This morning's breakfast was good, but not comparable to either of those two.

Following breakfast we hiked to a gorgeous senic overlook of the Hudson Valley, and then hiked around in the woods for about two hours. We came across the perfect camping spot up on the top of a mountian by the former site of very nice hotel at the turn of the 20th century.

On the way back we made a detour to Woodstock, walked around there seeing the sites/people, and ate ice cream. We came to the conclusion that the hippies have turned into yuppies. For being supposidely so free thinking, diverse, liberal, etc...I noticed that just about everyone there appeared to be middle/upper middle class, and Caucasion. There were numerous BMW's, Mercedes, and other very nice cars lineing the streets. Heather found it amusing that the one ultra-hippey looking man we saw was actually standing there trying to make money by looking like an ultra-hippey person. (If any of this is offensive or not politically correct, please let me know and I will remove it...if you ask nicely).

Now I'm back at school and looking forward to a week of morning practice every morning. Sleep deprivation here I come.

My cell phone is on it's last legs. It's very last legs. In fact, I think these are artificial legs that it is hobbeling on.

This morning I was able to sleep in until about 9am. It's a B weekend, and the break is definetly appreciated. I have a senior project meeting this afternoon, but after it is over I'm headed to the Catskill's once again. Celio, Leah, and Heather are camping there for the weekend. Origionally I was going to go for the whole weekend, but then the meeting came up. One night is better than nothing.

I now understand how Anne felt last year.

I ended up being awarded the Hooah Note for my company.

It states:

Cadet ***
* Company, * Regiment

   I extend my hardiest congratulations on your selection fo rhte Brigade Tactical Officer's Hooah Note.

   You have been recognized for your outstanding preparation for hte TA-50 inspection. Your care for your subordiantes was clearly evident in preparing them for the inspection. You have also performed magnificently as the Company IS Officer; fixing multilple computer problesm within the company during your free time. All of this has been accomplished while serving on the Army Crew Tea.
 
   Your dedication to duty and commitment to excellence are noteworthy. Thanks for going the extra mile. Well Done!

   Hooah!!

*****
COL, IN
Brigade Tactical Officer

I really don't deserve it. Seriously. All I do is what people tell me to do. I half think they just wanted to have a firstie be nominated for it to even out who got it.

Are my expectations/standards too high? Am I too self-centered? Do my warning signals go off too easily? Have I hurt anyone? Do I push people away from me when they get close? Someday...

This evening Bea-hob and I met over dinner to discuss The Da Vinci Code and Christianity. Going into the conversation I knew I would have to rely on Luke 21:15, because I had no clue what to say. We ended up talking for about an hour and a half. It was a very good conversation, but I came away from it feeling exhausted, not knowing if it made any difference, and having to turn it all over to God, because I feel like I just talked in circles and he got nothing out of it.

About a half an hour after we finished talking I went to my company Bible Study where the topic was Romans 6. I try and talk more during the Bible studies, but I was so exhausted, if that's the right word, that I didn't say a word the whole time. I did have thoughts on what we were discussing, but some of them pertained to baptism, which is something I am studying more in depth at the moment, but it is not a discussion that would be helpfull and and uniting for the small company Bible study. Jason, Charlie, and I freely admit that we are staying away from the contriversional doctrinal issues with the Bible Study, because those discussions are probably more than our group could handle, and has time to handle in that setting.

After the Bible Study I stayed and talked to Charlie and Jason for a few minutes and told them about my talk with Bea-Hob. It is really nice to have people in the company who are strong Christians that I can go to and talk about my faith, God, Christianity, the Bible, and other related stuff.

So far, buying a Palm m515 for $20 from a cow has been a good investment. I'm tempted to see if a yuck will be willing to sell me one of their Palm Tungsten T's for $20, but I don't really want to spend money on something that I don't need when I have something that works already. Plus, I'm not a big fan of the Tungsten T. The sliding open feature on it is one more thing that can break and ruin the device.

Good verse that I hope will apply to me.

"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." - 2 TImothy 4:5

APFT today. Please pray for me.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!

After the TA-50 inspection I took a nap and proceeded to sleep for six hours. It was awesome.

Why is that back at the end of July on the way down to NC I had a lot of time to think and decided that I wanted to try and not focus on guys/relationships and not date anyone for at least the next three months for a couple of reasons, which i figured wouldn't be hard because there were no prospects, and then two days later began a string of four guys who showed up in my life. When the first one showed up I felt like forgetting my whole plan, but ended up recommitting to the idea. That's the way it's been going, and I've learned some valuable things about myself, as well as what I am looking for in a guy. I don't have the time or the energy to be in a relationship at the moment. I can barely make it through a week with only having to think about myself as it is. When I tell people I want to relax during the weekend, what I mean is crash on my bed and not move for the next 24 hours. Of course, that isn't going to happen, but I just need a breather from things, and not just school things. Give me time. Give me space. At the moment I think Anne's and my NGUET club is actually somewhat of a good idea, and not just a joke we have.

Sleep does a body good.

Yay! Golf class is canceled this afternoon.

October 27th. Waiting until then.

I asked God if this was what he had for me, if it was his will, and the answer I seem to be getting back is "no", or "not at this time". So close, but not quite there.

I just found out my PSG nominated me for this week's Hooah Note. This is what he wrote:

3rd PLT Nominee = **********
-superior layouts amongst the hg section
-consistently clean AMI
-meeting company needs with IS problems (aka computers, printer)
-awesome balance between classes, crew team, and company duties

It's a good thing he didn't see my edge dressing spill last night. I ended up with half a bottle of edge dressing covering my left leg, plus some on my shorts and the furniture. I used a nail scrubber brush to scrub it off, because when I used a paper towel I ended up with a rug burn type thing. It didn't all come off, and I got many comments on my leg at crew practice this morning.

Right after the edge dressing incident the plebes threw Alyson a B-day party. When they knocked I jumped up and tried to keep them out of the room, but they pushed through, tossed four big boxes of packing material, the S shape kind, all over the room, ripped her bed apart, and stole her Full Dress. We spent hte next 45 minutes cleaning it up, and there are still tiny packing pieces all over the place. While we were cleaning up she told me she would've rather had the normal get tied-up-and-have-table-condiments-poured-all-over-you birthday party. I think the table condiments kind would've been worse.

I have a lot to write about the past weekend, life in general, and Alyson's B-day party from the plebes (our room is trashed at the moment), but no time to write, or I'm busy writing other random blurbs.

When eating a frozen apple one should avoid big bites. Now I bet you are wondering what person thinks of freezing an apple, let alone eating a frozen apple. Me. Actually, it wasn't my idea to freeze the apple, the fridge thought of it for me when I stuck the apple too close to the little freezer compartment. Yes, my fridge can think. It keeps Alyson and I on our toes by throwing bottles and containers out at us ever so often when we open the door, and it also decides how warm or cold the food should be. Usually it likes to make the food that should be kept frozen, not frozen, and the food that doesn't need to be frozen, it freezes. Hence, I have a frozen apple. I'm thinking about having my fridge go in my place to a few of my classes for me sometime. I hardly think my teachers would notice that there was a fridge sitting in my seat instead of me. Anway, back to the apple. Since my fridge decided I would like my apple frozen, I figured I'd give it a try. I think I need to talk to my fridge about it's ideas of what I like, because the frozen apple wasn't a big winner with me. Although, I can understand how it may have thought I'd like a frozen apple, since I am a huge ice fan. Oh well. I guess it's the thought that counts.


Yes, I do know that you probably think i'm weird, but I prefer the term "Delightfully Odd." : )

Yesterday I felt like I was on the verge of slipping back into survival mode, and I didn't like it one bit. Last year I lived in survival mode the whole year as a CS major, and it sucked. Yesterday my senior project group had a meeting with our project advisor, and it basically sounded like my life for the next year would be sucked up by this project. Then I started thinking about all of the other projects that I am supposed to be doing, my IT485 project, CS484 project, company website and microsoft outlook project, crew website and database project, IT305 projects, and then a IT460 project, and trying to fit crew and stuff like TA-50 inspections and SAMI's in there. It was rather overwhelming.

After the meeting I walked back to my room feeling quite drained. I once again reminded myself of how I survived beast and plebe year, taking it in small chunks, sometimes as small as a second at a time because that was all I could handle. I'd be walking to a class and stressing out about everything I had to do that day, and I would have to stop and think in my mind "Kate, you are walking to class. You do not have the ability to do anything about the other things in your life at the moment, so stop thinking about them. Just focus on walking. Take it one step at a time."

While walking back I kinda of cried out to God and said "God, you know my circumstances right now and that I am feeling overwhelmed. You are in control, I give my projects to you. Please help me do what I need to do, and bring me peace." My anxiety then subsided a bit.

When I got back to my room I decided to work on my TA-50 and DX some of it, as well as search in the trunk room for my rope gloves, rope, and 3 magazines. I was able to DX everything I need to DX, and then I found my 3 magazines in the trunk room. While I was down there I also said a quick prayer asking God to help me find the box of books that I mentioned in a previous entry, and when I looked up it was sitting on the shelf right in front of me. I also had a feeling that I should look in my trunk for my rope gloves, and when I checked my trunk they were in there. I felt like God was showing me that he is in control and all I have to do is trust in Him. Prayer is an amazing thing.

"For I know the plans I have for you -- plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~Jeremiah 29:11

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowldege him, and he will make your paths straight."
~Proverbs 3: 5-6

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."
~Proverbs 16:9

God is in control of my life. He has a plan for me. My life is his. His will be done.

Right now I am missing a number of books. I hope that I wasn't really out of my mind last semester and threw them out when I was packing up my room. I think I put them in a box in the trunk room, and every time I am down there I do another search, but so far I've had no luck finding it. I really miss the books. They include:

I Kissed Dating Goodbye, by Joshua Harris (Amanda may still have it. I don't remember if she returned it)
Boy Meets Girl, by Joshua Harris
Strong's Concordance
a book of prayers and daily meditations
a book on SQL
a book on PHP
a book on UML
Wild at Heart, by that one guy (that one may actually be in my trunk)
and numerous other books that I have forgotten about.

My only other thought is that perhaps I took some of them home over summer and left them there. I really hope that I didn't throw them out.

Incredible. That is how I can describe the past few days. I'll write more later.

Sleep at last. Something I've known so little of this past week. Plus, I can sleep in tomorrow until 6:15. Yay for no morning practice :)

Why is this not posting?

hmm...

Currently I have no grips about the new Comm. It's the BTO who is making life miserable. ;alksjf;aslgkhap;eurnj;ksldkaso;ieysa.dghaeu[;wtg;psaughslfhaskfja'seiohtg[uwaefn;sdjfn aslfkha'eosuh adsf (insert any desired words)

I think I have more edge dressing on my hands than I do on the stuff I just blackend.

Sorry, right now I am in a very cynical mood. Today was an emotional rollercoaster. This morning I was on an emotional high, followed by now where I am stressed out. The good news is that I found out I have an all expense paid trip to Orlando, FL about a week before Thanksgiving. My project partners and I are going to present at a conference. I also was informed that basically I have an extremely good shot at getting my dream job at the NSA if I decide to leave the Army after 5 years and want to work for them, due to the nature of the work I am doing right now and who I'm doing it for. That all said, I'm not sure if I'm interested in the NSA anymore. Ah well, that's 5.5 years from now. It's amazing how things change. I may stay in, I may get out, I may work for the NSA, I may be a missionary.

Go School!

I'm rather hyper right now, which doesn't mix well with being in class. I think I got too much sleep this past weekend, and am too happy about the conversation I had with Chad, who is my IT485 project partner, last night. We covered everything from class, to camping, to Christianity. Hmm, I guess the c topics win.

"I'm an amazon princess" -Tyler (I guess everyone is hyper today)

This evening I asked Alyson if I should start checking her hand for a ring when she comes back from a weekend with Drew. No ring this weekend, perhaps Christmas for her. Anne and I still part of the support group NGEUT*, and are thinking of starting an outreach group. It's too late for Brian and Josh, but Anne has decided to try and reach Leah before it's too late.

*Never Get Engaged Until Thirty. After starting the group I promply started dating someone last year. Funny how things work. Anne and I are both convinced that the other one will be engaged before Christmas now that we have started said groups. It's all in good fun.

Thoughts on this week's crew practice training schedule:

Kate10: AAAAAHHHHH!
iren1305: i know!
iren1305: (crew right?)
Kate10: yep
iren1305: SO angry
Kate10: i'm going to be dead by the weekend
Kate10: no energy, no ability to stay awake
iren1305: seriously
iren1305: i think he hates us
Kate10: i think you are right
iren1305: its so sad

Happy Labor Day :)

I spent the weekend camping in the catskill mountains with Anne. We did a lot of reading, sleeping, trying to get a fire going, and eating s'mores. I hope that later this year I'll be back in the catskills backpacking with Leah and Celio.

It's so nice being a firstie and knowing that I no longer have to go to accountability formation for the under three classes.

I hope that Matt S, Matt G and his family, and Charlie's family are all doing okay and that Hurrican Frances hasn't caused any damage for them.

Today was another normal day here. I got up at 5 for practice, after which I changed into AFC and grabbed a quick breakfast down at the boathouse, followed by class from 7:35-11. I miss being able to sleep in until 6:10 and making it to breakfast formation and breakfast in the mess hall. First hour on morning practice days kills me, so I've taken up drinking a little coffee before class starts in hopes of staying awake.

My CS401 class is double blocked and today my instructor let us out of the second hour of the class early, so I headed over to MAJ Burrow's office to discuss the crew website, which I am in charge of this year. My coach was also over there, since they are both EECS instructors, so we talked a bit about how practice went this morning. It looks like we probably will have a strong four this year.

After the meeting with MAJ Burrow I stopped by the bookstore and ended up buying a book. By that time it was time for lunch formation, so I headed back to the barracks, dropped by books off in my room and grabbed my saber and gloves. Then I headed down to formation, followed by lunch. I've been the table comm the past few day's because Alyson has been on quarters after her lasec eye surgery. The plebes at the table are getting better at duties, and learning that a way to avoid being hazed by the upperclassmen is to grab extra fruit, milks, and desserts. They've also been really good about supplying the table with Simpson's trivia and other random facts.

Lunch was followed by an hour of free time in my room where I read the NY Times and grabbed a quick nap. I had to head to golf class at 1:40, and once again had to face the fact that I am no Tiger Woods. From there I went to rehab for my shoulders. Next week I have a follow-up appointment to see if any progress has been made, although I can't tell any difference.

Anne and I were going to go running at 3:30 and then head down to the boathouse, but around 3:25 I heard two sharps knocks on my door. It was my TAC at the door looking to talk to Alyson, but since she was in bed trying to hide from light he grabbed me instead. I had to come up with a plan for him of how to make sure all the firsties had gone to the uniform show, and gather up any stranglers and send them down there in the next 30 minutes. There went my run with Anne. Alyson already had a semi-complete list of who had gone, and so there were only about seven people I had to go check on. I went on Monday and spent $1200 on my real Army uniforms. I was only half joking when I asked my dad if my birthday and Christmas presents this year could be helping me out with paying for the uniforms.

Once I'd accomplished the task of sending the stranglers down to the uniform show I headed down to the boathouse. Originally I was supposed to help out with the novies, but it turned out that I didn't have to today, so instead I had to help install the rest of the launching dock.

After the dock was in I went back to my room, showered, and got ready for dinner formation. Originally it was supposed to be a spirit dinner with a Go Army theme, but that was canceled at the last minute. Instead we had to sport the usual white-over-grey.

Thursday night dinners are usually a little more chill than the other meals, but today it started out almost like a normal meal. One of the plebes was jacked up and had forgotten to put his name tag on his uniform. They also were not paying attention to detail, and were reciting the meals wrong. They were reciting what was on the menu, but the food that was in front of us was different than what was on the menu, and they hadn't made the change, so we got on them for that. Plus, they didn't know the definition of leather, how many lights there are in Cullum Hall, or how many gallons of water are in Lusk Reservoir. After they finished their duties it calmed down a bit. For the Thursday dinner entertainment they sang us the Lumberjack Song and then had the usual Simpson's trivia ready.

After dinner all of the firsties had to meet outside Mac so James could drive us up to the lots and do POV inspections.

Following the POV inspections I went back to my room and started my hw. At 9 I had a quick meeting with my IT305 project partners to discuss the layout of our web portal that is due next week. Now I have to go shine my boots for tomorrow, because it is a Friday, and Friday's mean BDU's :) I'm hoping to get to bed early, around 11, tonight because I have morning pratice again tomorrow. Last night was the first night this week I got more than 5 hours of sleep, and I'd like to repeat that experiance.

I have a little time before I have to go to rehab and class, and I want to take a break from doing work, so I think I'll actually get around to posting something.

Congratulations Brain and Mary, and Josh and Erin for getting engaged this past weekend :)

This past weekend was a lot of fun. On Friday, my golf instructor allowed us to have class an hour early so that we could leave earlier. After the class I went back to my room and discovered that I felt exhausted. I had a few hours before my parents got in, so I decided to crash on my bed and take a nap. My parents made it to West Point around 5 or 6, and we went out to eat with Anne and her family, Annah and her parents, and a few other cadets. I was going to go to a movie with Anne and her brother after dinner, but my cold was acting up and the only thing I wanted to do was sleep. My sisters got into the hotel around midnight, and I said a quick hi to them and then proceeded to go back to sleep.

Saturday I woke up around 8:30 and went shopping for a pair of black high heels to wear to the banquet, because my issued ones were in extremely poor shape. Unforutunatly, I couldn't find any that would work. Heidi, Betsy, and I headed out to the sushi resturant in New Paltz around 10:30, and the trip was rather uncomfertable because my AC wasn't working and it was rather hot and humid. My parents met us at the resturant, and we had a nice lunch with a bunch of my friends and their families.

After lunch we headed to West Point and I went back to my room to start getting ready for the ring ceremony. We formed up for the ceremony at 4:30 in our India Whites. As I said, it was a very hot and humid day, and we were standing at attention for the whole thing. One of the guys in my company had to sit down, and I later found out that a TAC fainted. I was afraid that I wouldn't like my ring, but when I opened up the box I gasped at how beautiful it looked. It felt great putting on the ring, and I still can't help holding up my hand admiring it.

After the ceremony I took a bunch of pictures with my family and friends, and then headed back to the barracks. They didn't allow the plebes to do the ring poop outside this year, but there was a 30 minute time span that they could do it in the barracks. I must have been stopped 6 or 7 times just going up the stairs by plebes doing the ring poop.

Following that was the banquet and hop. Sunday was spent going to Church and then lounging around with my family. My dad was really nice and fixed the AC on my car. Of course, that means a cold spell is going to hit now and won't end until my AC breaks.

The best parts of the weekend were giving my parents their gifts, seeing my sisters again, having Betsy visit West Point for the first time, and having all of my friends meet my sisters, and of course receiving my ring. All of my friends commented on how similiar my sisters and I look. I always thought we looked a little similar, but not to the extent that my friends seemed to think. Oh well, I think my sisters are both beautiful, so if I look like them that is fine with me.

So much to say about the past few days, but no time to write. Actually, I have had some time, but I've spent it doing other things, like sleeping, hanging out with friends, reading, talking on IM or the phone, doing that thing called homework, and any other number of things with my little bit of spare time.

Woohoo! I just got my DOD decal for my car, which will make life a lot easier this weekend. I had heard it usually takes about a month for them to process the request, and since I turned the paperwork in on Tuesday, I figured that there was no way it would be done in time. I said a small prayer, and it worked:) Now I won't have to worry about the long traffic lines in the non-DOD decal lane when trying to get back on post.

Loving the vitamin C.

Alyson is a great person. She's kind, easy to get along with, a great roommate, but sometimes she share's a little too much. I say this because she has decided to share her cold with me. Ever since I got back to school I've been taking a multi-vitamin and drinking a glass of OJ at breakfast in hopes of avoiding catching anything. The period after a break is prime time for catching colds, because everyone brings back all the bugs from where they've been over the break. Alyson caught a nasty sounding cold last week that has left her voice sounding more like a frog than a human. My plan of avoiding getting sick was working until I lay down for a nap this afternoon and I noticed a little pre-cold tickle in my throat. I've spent the rest of the evening drinking water, eating oranges, eating Ricola vitamin C drops, and going for a run, in hopes that I can fend this thing off. So far it doesn't seem to be working. The runny nose started during my hw, and my head is starting to feel more and more cold-like. I figure I'll know the answer for sure tomorrow morning after crew practice.

Ring weekend begins the day after tomorrow, or in 1 hour 10 minutes, tomorrow. YAY!!

It seems that recently I've been having more and more aches and pains. My foot last semester, my shoulders, stupid cold, and also my elbow. Grrr. According to Alyson, who is a Chem Life Science major and applying to med school, so to me her diagnosis is as good as a doctor's, I probably have a pinched nerve in my elbow. No clue how that happened. I noticed it on Monday when it felt like I had a rather painful bruise, but I couldn't find a bruise. Then in the evening I noticed my elbow was a bit numb. It feels like it is getting better, although every now and then I put my elbow down in a spot that touches off whatever is causeing the pain, and it shoots through my elbow. Ah well, life wouldn't be interesting if we couldn't feel.

People probably find my blog rather annoying to read, which I don't mind in the least. The fewer readers, the better, because then I don't have to wonder as much about who is reading it. In any case, my entries rarely are written very well. Grammar, spelling, paragraph flow, and that other stuff and junk, I choose to ignore while writing. When I write it is basically a brain dump for me. I passed EN302, with a lot of prayers I should add, so I do posses some knowledge of how to write correctly, but that takes time and energy. Time and energy happen to be precious commodaties here, and I'm not about to spend them on this, although it does annoy me when I write something and I know that the grammar or spelling is wrong, but I rarely bother to go back and correct it. I'd rather remain annoyed and have the extra time.

There is a plebe in D1 who has the same name as me, except her first name is Katie. So far I've gotten 2 of her emails, and one laundry bag of hers. She tried out for the crew team, but I only saw her at the first day of tryouts. We've met once.

GO USA! The USA mens olympic 8 took gold in the rowing finals. YAYAYAY! The USA women's 8 took silver.

I finally won my battle against American Online. I called them today and had about a 15 minute argument with the sales guy as he tried to argue that since I wasn't paying for the account for one month I should wait until OCT18th to call and cancel. However, if I waited until the 19th, I'd be billed for the next month. I just kept repeating over an over "I don't care if it is free. I'm not using it, I don't want it, I want to cancel my account." I think the highlight was when he told me "Don't get upset. Have a glass of water. Have a glass of water." In reality I found the whole thing both frustrating and amusing. The other highlight was when I told him "I go to a school that is like a prison." I think that finally conviced him to allow me to cancel the account. Afterwords, Alyson said the whole conversatin sounded like a nightmarer, and she couldn't believe they were doing that to me.

The air outside has the cool, crisp feel and smell of an autum night. I love being able to stick my head out my window and see the hudson river and the hills sourounding it. It's so much better than looking into north area.

It's raining
It's pouring
I had an APFT
this morning.

Since it is an A/C weekend this weekend all of the regiments had to do some sort of PT. My regiment decided to have everyone take a diagnostic APFT. Due to the rain, however, it ended up being held indoors, and the run was canceled. On Monday I took an APFT for crew tryouts, minus the pushups, and did 75 situps in the 2 minutes. Today I only did 62 situps. The drop in situps is a bit puzzeling.

At 1030 all of the firsties had a DMI military branch briefing. I think I've changed my first branch choice to Military Intelligence. I have to input my order of branches between 4 OCT and 8 OCT, and then on 14 NOV I find out what I'll be doing for at least the next 5 years.

Last night Leah, Celio, Anne, Annah, and myself drove over to New Paltz (spelling?) and had dinner at a Thia resturant. It's so nice to be able to leave on weeknights. Right down the street is the sushi resturant that Leah has organized for us to go with our families fo lunch next Saturday. I suppose I should inform my family of this fact, since they will be up here. I can't wait to have them up here agian :)

Yay! Thunderstorm. The only bad part is that my car is still up in the lots, and although I'd like to get out of here this afternoon, I don't want to run up and get my car in a thunderstorm. Reading and sleeping, here I come.

This morning I went to orthopedic sick call so that an orthopedic surgeon could look at my shoulder. I had gone on Monday afternoon to have it checked out, and they started me on rehab and told me to come back Friday morning to have them checked out some more. This morning the surgeon basically told me what I was told on Monday. I have multi-directional something or other, and surgery won't help me. Instead, they put me on a finely tuned rehab program in hopes that it helps. It was not a great confidence builder when the orthopedic surgeon called all of the other officers in the room, as well as all the trainies, over to take a look at my shoulders. He told me that what I have is level 3a something or other, and that high level swimmers, gymnasts,and baseball pitchers are usually the people that it is seen in. Kinda odd since I am none of those. Anyway, I'm not on profile, but they are going to watch me closely throughout the year. Basically I have to strengthen my rotator cuff muscle, because all of my ligiments are too loose to do me any good in trying to keep my shoulders in their sockets.

For crew tryouts today we had to do as many leg presses as we could do until muscle failure. I did 818 leg presses in a row with an average leg press of 57kg, or aproximetly 125 lbs. The reason I stopped was not because I had reached muscle failure, but because I had reached boredom failure, and Ana accidently running into my machine and causing me to stop for a minute gave me an excuse to stop. Kate and Ana both made it to 1000, but I was going slower than them. I feel like I should have kept going. When I got off the machine my legs felt fine, but my butt hurt from sitting for so long. Since my group was the first to go, we had girls who only did around 200, and then some poeple who did 1000. I don't know how the second group did.

Robin Sage:

The short story is that I was a guerilla names Star who was an orphan. I joined the guerilla band because the UPA's kicked me out of Pineland State University because I wouldn't join them. That was that story for the character I played during the exercise. Pineland was the country we were in, which actually covered abotu a third of North Carolina. The two base camps my group stayed at were between Ashborro and Greensborro NC. (wrong spellings)

Since I was a guerilla, I had to pretend that I didn't know anything about the military, being tactical, or any common knowledge. It was pretty fun playing stupid, because it made the exercise very relaxed and easy. Christy, aka Toots, and I shared a tent together. There were 6 of us girls, all West Pointers. Our names were Star, Toots, Gwen, Trixie (previously Baby), Conception, and Daisy. We were supposed to play the role of COL Ricco's girls, except I didn't know how to play that role very well, and gave up at it after the first morning or so. After that I was just another guerilla, and became a squad leader. The other guerilla fighters were ROTC cadets and enlisted soldiers. There were about 25 - 30 of us total. COL Ricco was our leader. He's actually a retired SF soldier who now trains SF candidates.

The SF guys were pretty cool, and I felt bad for them because they were all extremely tired and hungry, and we had to be uncooperative eith them, and not give them any food or anything. The first 2 days were basically camping in the woods. No guard, camp fire all the time, everyone does their own thing. I had some really good conversations with a ROTC guy named Phil (G-name Luke) during that time. Then the SF guys arrived and we had to start pulling guard. The night after they arrived we were attacked by OPFOR. Baby died, and so the SF guys were ordered to dig her a 6 foot deep grave by 6 am the next morning. They didn't get any sleep that night.

There was a ton of down time during the day, and at night we went on missions. I went on a raid to a cememt factory. It was pretty cool, and the SF guys taught us room clearing tactics for it. We were issued M4's and AK-47s with blanks. During the day and at night we pulled 2 hour long guard shifts in pairs. It was very relaxed guard, and gave me time to talk to the other G's and also the SF guys.

For food we had MRE's, and then the SF guys brought us beans and rice, along with some spices. Since we had to pretend we were starving, we weren't allowed to eat the MRE's in front of the SF guys. Plus, since we had a low supply of them, we were alloted one a day. That meant I ate about 1.5 - 2 meals a day, which really wasn't that bad. Later we got live animals that we learned how to kill, skin, gut, and cook. The animals we got were rabbits, goats, geese, and a pig. I didn't do any of the killing, i couldn't handle it, but I did help skin and gut the pig. Toots and Daisy did most of the cooking. One night COL Ricco brought us marshmellows, and we roasted them over the fire.

I was suprised at how clean I managed to stay. A lot of it was due to the fact that we didn't have to wear camo or a kevlar. We were issued 2 pairs of black bdu's to wear instead of our regular bdu's. Every day I had about an hour of hygine time in the morning, and an hour or so in the evening. At our first base camp there was a river that we went to bathe in twice. I also took canteen cup showers, washed my clothes in the canteen cup, and the SF guys built us a shower were I took 2 Qt showers. The girls were allowed to take 2 real showers at a fire house across the street from the woods our second base camp was in. That first shower was after about 5 days in the field, and it was heavenly. The second shower was the day before we left. The guys didn't get to take any real showers, but they washed in the river.

I thought the whole experiance was pretty fun. Definetly a very easy MIAD. There was a lot of sitting around doing nothing, but it was what you made of it. I met some awesome people, and was trained by SF guys. It was definetly the highlight of my summer.

Quotes:
Gwen to the SF guys: "Welcome Americans." "Remove the blindfold"

Me to Lando: "Pants are a good thing!!" (he was dancing around in whitie tighties)

Luke to me: "I like you"

Magic to me: "You are going to make a good officer."

Gwen to me : "You chop wood as good as the guys"

COL Ricco to Toots: "How's my favorite girl?"

Trixie to me: "You don't know how to act like a slut."
Me to Trixie: "Maybe I can act like a slut, just let me try." (It was for a mission, I ended up giving my spot to Daisy, because Trixie was right, I don't know how and Daisy would do a much better job.)

Trixie to an SF guy: "What's a pace count"
Me to an SF guy about pace count: "What if you only have one leg?"

Toots: "The pig is loose."

Luke and Lando: "This one time at advanced camp..."

Lando: "I ate a dead bird's head"


Fun times...

The A-day parade just finished. I can't believe that I am one of the people who stands in the back wearing the red sash and carrying a saber instead of a rifle. It hasn't sunk in yet, and I don't know if it will ever sink it.

There was a SAMI this morning, but since Alyson is the CO, nobody came and inspected our room. It's nice having a couch and a mini-fridge in the room. Yay for being a Firstie. My class schedule looks much better than it has in the past, although I should probably wait until classes actually start to make that asessment. Amazingly, I only have 16.5 credits. I've never had that few. I kinda feel like I am a slacker because it is so light.

Classes:
CS484 Computer Networks
MS401 Transitoin to the Officer Corps
IT305 Theory and Practice of Military IT Systems
IT485 Spec Topic in Information Technology
IT460 Information Warfare
CS401 Software Systems Design I
PE424 Golf

I'm the Information Systems Officer for my company, and the S2 for the Crew Team. My Information Systems Sergeant, Ryan, has been amazing this past week. Since I didn't get back to school until Thursday afternoon, he has been doing all the work. I've tried to help now that I'm here, but I feel like I am really behind the power curve and trying to catch up on what is going on and what needs to get done.

Back at school. My room is a mess. I have no idea how I'm going to get it ready for a SAMI on saturday. I'd write more, but there is a new lights out policy for everyone. No lights on after midnight, not even computer screens. It's midnight now, so I must go.

I stress myself out way too easily. I'm not even back at school yet, but i'm already stressed. Set up room, clean room, get schedule, get books, TDY settelment, POV registration and inspection, and random crap.

Robin Sage was fun. I'll hopefully get around to writing about it, although every time i say I'll write about something later, I generaly don't get around to it.

This afternoon I report to SMULT. The drive down to NC was pretty nice, although it rained in MI and OH, and my tired started to leak air in WVA. Other than that, the drive was fine. I loved the hills/mountains of WVA and VA.

This is one of my favorite songs:

Lord
by Six Days From Sunday

No written word
Or polished phrase
No earthly song
That I could raise
Can bear the worship you desire
Or pick my soul out of the mire

Take down the walls around my soul
I relinquish my control
Let this fallen temple be restored
I can't do it by myself
Or turn to someone else for help
Christ you are my savior
Please be my lord.

How can these lips
That cause such pain
Bear to speak
Your holy name
How can these hands
So rough and crude
Be lifted up
In praise to you

Take down the walls around my soul
I relinquish my control
Let this fallen temple be restored
I can't do it by myself
Or turn to someone else for help
Christ you are my savior

Take down the walls around my soul
I relinquish my control
Let this fallen temple be restored
I can't do it by myself
Or turn to someone else for help
Christ you are my savior
Please be Lord.

I hate AOL. I want to get rid of it. I got it so that I could use dial-up internet when I travel, but I don't need it anymore. Canceling it is not as easy as one phone call. No, instead they, without my consent, sign me up for 2 free months, and then tell me to call back on OCT 19th to cancel. I told them over and over I did not want that, I want to cancel now. I do not have the time to deal with this and wait for OCT 19th. Do they listen, no. I was on the verge of yelling at them over the phone. AUGHHHH!

DO NOT SIGN UP FOR AOL. IT IS A SCAM.

Today I pack. Tomorrow I leave.

Outer beauty is only skin deep people, see the real me. I'm not saying this because I am ugly, I'm saying this because I'm being complemented on how I look. I do like being complemented, but I don't get those same complements when I'm wearing what I like to wear and would prefer to be in all of the time, that being a large t-shirt, comfy pants, and running shoes with my hair up, no make-up on. Those clothes give me space and freedom to move around, jump around, and run around, basically be active and do what I want, without worring about getting dirty, messing up my makeup or hair, and without feeling like the clothes are trying to constrict my movement. I can look pretty if I want to, but I'd rather be comfertable most of the time. I've noticed that when I do choose to put time into how I look, and look nice, I'm not as happy inside. Yet, when I go out in my comfy state, I'm self-concious about how I look because although that is the real me, it is not what society general says girls should look like. The obvious solution is to be happy with who I am and ignore what other people think....riiiiiiight, like that is easy to do.

The reason I didn't want to go out to dinner with Frank, was that I didn't want to have to worry about how I looked or anything. I wanted to relax, be myself, and wear my comfy clothes without being self-concious. Playing tennis was the perfect solution.

I think one of the best complements I ever recieved about how I look came from two of my aunts while I was on vacation. One evening I wore my BDU uniform for about an hour to show my relatives what it looked like, and my aunts both said to me "You look beuatiful in that uniform", and some other people agreed. At first I didn't understand, and thought it was an odd complement because I was wearing a uniform, and beauty and uniform are not two words that generally go together. I've come to grasp what they were saying a little better, after it was explained to me by everyone. The complement means so much to me because they saw something in me, as well as what I looked on the outside. I was not trying to look beatiful, in fact, that was the furthest thing from my mind, but they saw in me an inner beauty that was reflected to them on the outside while I was wearing the uniform. It was not a model's beauty, it was my beauty.

Usually I try and stay away from writing about looks. It generally makes me feel shallow, however, this one time I'll let an entry slide by.

On a different note, should I start adding titles to each post? Most people do add titles, but I never have because I don't want to spend the time trying to think of a good title. It's something I'm debating.

This morning I got up around 10:30, made strawberry pancakes, and then watched Lance Armstrong win the time trial in the Tour de France. Around 1pm Betsy and I drove over to Christian's graduation party. I came back home a few hours later and worked on a few judo moves. Frank and I had made plans to go out for dinner in the evening, but when I was driving home from the graduation party, I found that I didn't really want to go out for dinner. I still wanted to see him, but wanted to do something else besides dinner. I called him, and when I told him that I wanted to do somthing besides dinner, he suggested tennis. That sounded perfect to me, so we went and played tennis together. I took tennis as my lifetime sport last fall, but haven't touched a racket since then. Frank was about the same skill level as myself, so we were perfect partners. I won the first match, won the first 3 games of the second match, and then he came from behind and managed to win the second match, although it was close. Then I came home and made danish puff for breakfast tomorrow morning.

One night when I was around the age of six I remember going to my dad and asking him if it was considered murder for a soldier to kill someone in a war. I don't remember what he said, but his answers satisfied me and took away my concerns about dealing with that if I was a soldier.

When I was around 12 I was on a confermation retreat with my church youth group. Over the course of the weekend there was an ongoing game between the guys and the girls over water spray bottles. The girls would try and steal the guy's spray bottles and hide them, and the guys would do the same to us. One afternoon someone was in the process of stealing a spray bottle and was caugth. A big scuffle ensued in the hall, and the next week at Church I found out that in the middle of the scuffle I apparently had managed to hit a boy in the eye and had given him a black eye. When I found that out I was so distrought that I went upstairs and cried. I felt terrible for hurting him.

I am being trained in how to kill people, yet I can not even manage to kill and ant without feeling that I am being cruel. Over the years I have noticed that I can not bear seeing people hurt one another, or hurt any living thing for that matter. I don't know what a better word or term is for it, but that closest I can come up with at this time is that I do not like the offensive position*. What I mean by that is a position when action is taken for the sake of gaining the upperhand in cruel, harsh, or inhuman ways, or for senseless, power-craving, greedy reasons. To kill or hurt something just for the sake of killing or hurting it, to kill or hurt the defensless and weak, to hurt or tourture for the sake of gratifying a thirst for power or ego, to be inhuman in anyway; I despise it all and anyone who follows that route.

What I fight for, what I am willing to kill for as a soldier, what drives me, is the defensive position*. I have always wanted to be in the army because I want to defend my country and those I love against those people in the offensive position. I do not think twice about smashing a bug that is trying to bite me, or fighting off someone attacking me, as long as I do not exceed just force. I may have reservations about even killing an ant on a counter top, or a spider in a shower, but I have no problem with the idea of killing to protect and defend my country and my family, and myself from those who seek to hurt us. Hopefully that will never be required of me, but I never know, given my future occupation. What I can say is that I will not tolerate cruelty or inhuman acts in either myself or in others.

In my three years at west point, I don't believe I have ever once been taught anything different than I have said above about when and how to fight. I do not see the army, or our country, as being an offensive force, in terms of my definition. That is why I am proud that I am part of the army and have the opportunity to serve and protect my country.


* I made up my own definitions. The terms offensive and defensive are not being used like the definition of offensive and defensive for sports, or for military positions. I made up my own definitions.

So far, I've been rather productive today. This morning I got up and went for a run. Betsy and I were supposed to go out to breakfast after she went to Mass, but she was still asleep when I got back from the run, so we rescheduled the breakfast for Monday. Having some extra time on my hands, I went for a bike ride, trying to strengthen my legs for crew. After that I came back and watched the last 10 miles of the Tour de France. It was incredible. I've never been a huge fan of watching sports on tv, but I'm hooked on this. Lance Armstrong had another amazing win today that had me on the edge of my seat. At noon my dad and I had a meeting with another person about investing some of my cow loan. I'm glad that finally got done and I don't have to think about it anymore. Hopefully there won't be another great depression anytime soon. Now I'm at home again sitting around. In a little while I'm going to head over to my Grandma's house to visit her, then pick up some Jimmy John subs and go to Betsy's softball game.

I found this on another cadet's blog, and it made my sister and I laugh:

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.

PAKISTAN ECONOMICS
You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid,
Britain for warplanes, Italy for machines,
Germany for technology, France for submarines,
Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs,
and Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim of
exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other
to produce the milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows &
naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years,
eat once a month, and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They are both mad.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called
Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

SRI LANKAN ECONOMICS
You have a cow and a bull.
You let the cow be president, the bull be prime minister,
and let them blame each other for the state the country is in.

CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment,
high bovine productivity,
and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

Just a few minutes ago I recived a phone call that would probably make most people happy, but for me it was rather dissapointing. It was a CPT calling to inform me that the report date for SMULT has changed from the 25th to the 29th, meaning that I have another week at home. I do like my family and enjoy being around them, but I was looking forward to seeing my friends and getting back to doing military training. On the bright side, I can now make it to my cousin's graduation party on Saturday. I know I shouldn't complain. Some people would kill for more time off. I just need to find something to do to keep me occupied.

I think I'm allergic to something in Michigan. Every time I've been home for more than a few days in the past year my ear starts to hurt and becomes a bit swollen inside. I think it all started a year ago when I was home for a week and developed a double ear infection right before I left on my AIAD.

All engaged, all around my age/grade:
Tyler
Brian
other Brian
Jon
good Josh
Megan
Jason
Joel
Mike
Jodi
Pat
Mary
Steph
Teresa
plus at least 5-10 others I can't remeber

Finding out that my friends and classmates are now engaged makes me feel really young. I know it should be the opposite, that it should make me feel old, but it doesn't. That part of life still seems so far off to me, and when I hear that they are engaged I can't fully grasp it. I'm only 20, they are only 20-22ish, perhaps some a few years older, but none above 25. 25 I can understand, 25 seems normal (that's you heiko), but 20. I'm still growing up, trying to make it through school, maturing, figuring out who I am, not feeling grown up. Maybe it stems from the fact that I live in such a closed enviroment most of the year. Perhaps it is normal to feel this way.

Part of me is expecting that to all suddenly change when I graduate. Some magic button will be pressed, and I'll suddenly be a grown up. I'll be ready to go out on my own, be an officer, be in charge, and perhaps then not feel so young. Of course, I know that is not going to happen all of a sudden once I graduate. Over time, perhaps, but no magic button.

I remember back in middle school how I couldn't imagine myself in high school. It seemed too far away, too unfamiliar, to grown up. Now I'm 1 year away from graduating from college. It's amazing how things change. I think I'll look back on this time the same way. Life happens, whether you think it will or not.

One of the books I'm currently reading: A Severe Mercy
It's a great book, even though I am only a few chapters into it. Talk about two people being truely in love.

I've been having trouble recently when I'm trying to get to websites. I type in the address, or click on my link to it in my favorites, and am redirected to some other random site. Yesterday, my favorites link to this site was redirecting me to the UofM email login page. When I typed in the address it did the same thing. I've had that happen to me with other web pages as well, including my google homepage. They all end up at different sites. In order to get to the page I want to get to, I have to close IE and open it up again. So odd.

I made the mistake of going downtown today, the day before the Art Fair opens. No parking, and lots of detours where in store for me. Plus, I couldn't find what I was looking for to buy. Oh well. I don't think I've been to the art fair in at least 10-13 years. There is some cool stuff there, but what I remember about it from when I was little was that it was very hot, the sun was beating down on me, I was very thirsty, it was extremly crowded, and it made me very tired. Other than that it was a good time. In any case, I don't want to be tempted to pay for something that I don't need and don't have space for right now. Although, this could be the last year I have the opportunity to experiance the art fair, so perhaps I should risk it.

Grrr...the latest word on Ring Weekend is that they are moving the ring ceremony to Saturday. Some people might say I've waited 3 years for it, what's a few more hours, but to them I say "poo on you." I want my ring. I don't really care about my actual ring, although I am looking forward to getting it. What matters most to me is that it is a symbol of what I have accomplished so far over the past 3 years. I'd go into more depth, but that would be getting a bit too mushy gushy for me right now. Perhaps later when ring weekend is closer.

40 days to Ring Weekend
313 days till Graduation

Oh My Gosh, Sir/Ma'am!
What a Beautiful Ring.
What a crass mass of brass and glass.
What a bold mold of rolled gold.
What a cool jewel you got from your school.
See how it sparkles and shines?
It must have cost you a fortune.
May I touch it?
May I touch it please, Sir/Ma'am?

My prayers go out to his family in their time of loss.

Personal entry...
As much as I want to get away from civilization, what I really want is someone to talk to. I've noticed that as my time away from school has progressed, I've started talking less and less. Part of my can't wait to get back to school, because there I'm not known because of the school I go to, or anything related to it. Of course, there I also don't have someone I can totally confide in. Does anybody have someone like that, or is it just some dream I have?

I feel like I have a bunch of different masks that I wear. Each of them is trying to hide something, and make me appear better than I actually am. I'm scared that someone I who I don't want to will strip off the mask and be very dissapointed in what they find, because it is the real me. When I'm home a lot of it stems from being known as the person who goes to USMA. People introduce me as "This is ___. She goes to West Point." I don't mind that in-an-of-itself, nor do I mind the dozens of questions that usually follow about the school. In fact, I enjoy answering the questions. What bothers me is that I feel like I am expected to be more spectacular than I actually am. I don't think they want to know the truth that I suck at running, I'm not great at push-ups, although West Point is hard at times, I think a lot of people have the idea that it is more challenging than it actually is. I don't think I've done anything spectacular in my time there, I haven't jumped out of an airplane yet, nor do I have my own personal stash of weapons that I can go off and shoot whenever I want. I haven't qualified with an M16 since Beast, I haven't thrown a grenade since Beast. Academically I'm somewhere in the middle, physically and militarly I'm ranked somewhere in the middle or lower. Hazing the plebes is not my specialty, in fact I rarely do it because I'm usually busy with crew. Sure there are things that are different than a regular college, but I didn't enter West Point and suddenly turn into super woman. I'm not that great.

When I tell people about the real experiance, especially the fact that I don't have my own stash of weapons and my athletic abilities, I feel like they are dissapointed and that they expected more from me. When I'm home I don't like entering in contests or competitions with people, because I feel like they expect me to perform better than perhaps I actually can, and be good at everything. Part of it stems from me developing into a person who hates to fail, or be showed up at anything. I've become an extremely competative, or perhaps it is egotistical, person, but it goes a bit overboard to the point where I'm afraid of failure.


This past semester I have been very depressed, more so than I ever have been before. Although I know it is not logical or rational, the phrase that repeats in my mind is "You are not good enough," that going for all areas of my life. I know perfectly well that there are religious issues or matters tied in with that, in fact I can hear my Dad delivering a sermon to me about it right now and know what points he most likely would bring up, but his little sermon in my head about it does not seem to be helping.

When I try and talk to someone about what is going on with me and what I am feeling, it usually ends up backfiring. I unload too much on them, and they end up distancing themselves from me because I am too depressing. Hence, I wear masks around most people. When I open up I push people away.

"I'm not a perfect person. There's many things I wish I didn't do..."
"All you wanted was somebody who cares..."

This past week I was on vacation with my family at the lake up north. My dad's brothers and their families were up there as well, along with two other families who our families are friends with. The time up there made me think about how lucky we all are. We're able to all get together at a nice lake, stay in two very nice houses, and have a wonderful time together for a week. The biggest arguments, which were not very big at all, were the adults saying what time the fire had to be put out at night, because they wanted it to be quiet so they could sleep. One of my uncles brought his boat up, so there was a lot of tubing and waterskiing, along with some knee boarding and wake boarding. I only went tubing because I was worried about how my shoulders. A few mornings I took a kayak out and paddled around, but found it rather dull. On wednesday afternoon I rode a bike 32 miles around the lake. That was very peacefull and relaxing, even more so than when I took my car and went out on drives to try and get away from civilization. On one of my car trips I found a place to go on a short hike that also had a very nice view of some hills. My cousins along with my sister and the kids of the family friends and I, would go to the bay and hang out, then stay up late making s'mores and talking around the fire. Overall it was a very relaxing week.

Tomorrow I leave for a family vacation up north. It's the first vacation I've been on since the summer going into senior year. I'm not sure if I'll be able to water ski, but I'll at least be able to go tubing.

Earlier this week I went out to lunch with Misha, and then he gave me a tour of his work place. He works at Avacore helping develop the CoreControl system. He showed me some of the work he's been doing, and also let me try out a system. I guess it is being test out by both Army Rangers and Special Forces right now in hopes that in a few years it will be in a form avaliable for the military.

This morning I picked my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins up from the airport. I was really glad to see them again, although Isaac and Anna were practically sleeping with their eyes open because it was 6:30am, and they had just come from CA. After I dropped them off at my Grandma's house, I promptly went back home and fell asleep until 9:25 when my alarm went off. The snooze alarm was used every 8 minutes from then until around 10, when I finally made myself get up. I had to take my car back to the place I had the oil changed to make sure all the other fluids they changed were done correctly, and have them tighten the serpentine belt.

Matt and I made plans to meet for lunch at 12:30, but since I had a lot of time to spare between getting the car checked out and lunch, I decided to drive around a bit. I wanted to get away from civilization, but driving on dirt roads around farms was a close as I could get. It proved to be more refreshing than I expected, and I think that I'll do it again when I need to get away. I'm hoping that up north I can actually go hiking in some more remote areas.

Lunch was nice. It was good to see Matt again. He's a great guy. Afterwords I went to Cabela's and bought my first pair of hiking boots, as well as a pair of pants to wear while backpacking.

So far home has been relaxing. I've spent a lot of time reading and hanging out with my sisters, or at least one of my sisters. Heidi just got back from up north yesterday, and so I've only spent a little time with her. Betsy invited me to practice with her slow pitch softball team, and that has been very enjoyable. It feels great to throw a ball and swing a bat again. Her team has their first game on Thursday and I am planning on going to it.

This afternoon Betsy and I went out to buy a tennis racket so that we could play tennis after Mass and dinner, but the sporting goods store we went to was in the procces of moving, and they didn't have any tennis stuff out. Instead we looking at the athletic clothing, and I showed her what kind of clothing was good for wicking sweat away from the body. We both ended up spending a fair amount of money on athletic clothes there. I had to force myself to leave the store before I bought anything more.

Last night I tried my hand at making a strawberry-rhubarb pie. It was a bit soupy at first, but it has thickend up a bit. I think it turned out fairly well, since there is only a quarter or so of it left. Perhaps I'll make another one later.

It's amazing, although I have easy access to the home computer as well as my laptop while I am home, I spend far less time on the computer. Yesterday I didn't even touch one. Today I spent some time online researching hiking and biking trails in Michigan. The end result was that I came to the conclusion that I don't have the correct bike to go on most of the trails, and I don't have the equipment needed to go on a hiking trip. I had to resist the urge to go out and remedy the problem.

Home at last :)

I was supposed to get into Detroit around 10pm on Friday night, but my plane was delayed in North Carolina, and so I ended up missing my connection to Detroit. There wasn't another flight until 6:30 the next morning, so they put me on that flight to Cleavland, and from there on a flight to Detroit. I made it into Detroit at 10:10 am Saturday morning. The important thing is that I am finally home. Yay!

I love my jeep. It is even better than I imagined. My parents drove it to the airport so that I could drive it home. I also like all the work my parents have done on the house. They have redone all of the first floor except the family room and the bathroom. It looks very nice, and I also like having a kitchen while I am home this time.

Betsy invited me to a bonfire tonight, and so I went over there. I was able to see some of my friends from middle school, and also some of my sister's friends whom I'd met before but don't really know. The bonfire was fun, and we made s'mores. Yummy.

It's so nice to relax. Woohoo, I'm home.

This morning I woke up, and the first thought that entered my mind was "I wish I had CTLT in Korea, because then I'd be leaving today, and since Korea is a few time zones away, I'd have already left." Work today consisted of PT, and then around 9:30 they let me go and run errands I needed to do. I was able to get a box to ship home full of stuff, get a new set of dog tags, buy a new brown bdu t-shirt, and get a new pair of glasses. After lunch I went back to the pack shed, where my LT gave me a hard time for having yesterday afternoon off, and then having the mornign off to run errands. He then proceeded to let me go back to the hotel, because there wasn't anything for me to do.

1 more day :)