This is one of my favorite songs:

Lord
by Six Days From Sunday

No written word
Or polished phrase
No earthly song
That I could raise
Can bear the worship you desire
Or pick my soul out of the mire

Take down the walls around my soul
I relinquish my control
Let this fallen temple be restored
I can't do it by myself
Or turn to someone else for help
Christ you are my savior
Please be my lord.

How can these lips
That cause such pain
Bear to speak
Your holy name
How can these hands
So rough and crude
Be lifted up
In praise to you

Take down the walls around my soul
I relinquish my control
Let this fallen temple be restored
I can't do it by myself
Or turn to someone else for help
Christ you are my savior

Take down the walls around my soul
I relinquish my control
Let this fallen temple be restored
I can't do it by myself
Or turn to someone else for help
Christ you are my savior
Please be Lord.

I hate AOL. I want to get rid of it. I got it so that I could use dial-up internet when I travel, but I don't need it anymore. Canceling it is not as easy as one phone call. No, instead they, without my consent, sign me up for 2 free months, and then tell me to call back on OCT 19th to cancel. I told them over and over I did not want that, I want to cancel now. I do not have the time to deal with this and wait for OCT 19th. Do they listen, no. I was on the verge of yelling at them over the phone. AUGHHHH!

DO NOT SIGN UP FOR AOL. IT IS A SCAM.

Today I pack. Tomorrow I leave.

Outer beauty is only skin deep people, see the real me. I'm not saying this because I am ugly, I'm saying this because I'm being complemented on how I look. I do like being complemented, but I don't get those same complements when I'm wearing what I like to wear and would prefer to be in all of the time, that being a large t-shirt, comfy pants, and running shoes with my hair up, no make-up on. Those clothes give me space and freedom to move around, jump around, and run around, basically be active and do what I want, without worring about getting dirty, messing up my makeup or hair, and without feeling like the clothes are trying to constrict my movement. I can look pretty if I want to, but I'd rather be comfertable most of the time. I've noticed that when I do choose to put time into how I look, and look nice, I'm not as happy inside. Yet, when I go out in my comfy state, I'm self-concious about how I look because although that is the real me, it is not what society general says girls should look like. The obvious solution is to be happy with who I am and ignore what other people think....riiiiiiight, like that is easy to do.

The reason I didn't want to go out to dinner with Frank, was that I didn't want to have to worry about how I looked or anything. I wanted to relax, be myself, and wear my comfy clothes without being self-concious. Playing tennis was the perfect solution.

I think one of the best complements I ever recieved about how I look came from two of my aunts while I was on vacation. One evening I wore my BDU uniform for about an hour to show my relatives what it looked like, and my aunts both said to me "You look beuatiful in that uniform", and some other people agreed. At first I didn't understand, and thought it was an odd complement because I was wearing a uniform, and beauty and uniform are not two words that generally go together. I've come to grasp what they were saying a little better, after it was explained to me by everyone. The complement means so much to me because they saw something in me, as well as what I looked on the outside. I was not trying to look beatiful, in fact, that was the furthest thing from my mind, but they saw in me an inner beauty that was reflected to them on the outside while I was wearing the uniform. It was not a model's beauty, it was my beauty.

Usually I try and stay away from writing about looks. It generally makes me feel shallow, however, this one time I'll let an entry slide by.

On a different note, should I start adding titles to each post? Most people do add titles, but I never have because I don't want to spend the time trying to think of a good title. It's something I'm debating.

This morning I got up around 10:30, made strawberry pancakes, and then watched Lance Armstrong win the time trial in the Tour de France. Around 1pm Betsy and I drove over to Christian's graduation party. I came back home a few hours later and worked on a few judo moves. Frank and I had made plans to go out for dinner in the evening, but when I was driving home from the graduation party, I found that I didn't really want to go out for dinner. I still wanted to see him, but wanted to do something else besides dinner. I called him, and when I told him that I wanted to do somthing besides dinner, he suggested tennis. That sounded perfect to me, so we went and played tennis together. I took tennis as my lifetime sport last fall, but haven't touched a racket since then. Frank was about the same skill level as myself, so we were perfect partners. I won the first match, won the first 3 games of the second match, and then he came from behind and managed to win the second match, although it was close. Then I came home and made danish puff for breakfast tomorrow morning.

One night when I was around the age of six I remember going to my dad and asking him if it was considered murder for a soldier to kill someone in a war. I don't remember what he said, but his answers satisfied me and took away my concerns about dealing with that if I was a soldier.

When I was around 12 I was on a confermation retreat with my church youth group. Over the course of the weekend there was an ongoing game between the guys and the girls over water spray bottles. The girls would try and steal the guy's spray bottles and hide them, and the guys would do the same to us. One afternoon someone was in the process of stealing a spray bottle and was caugth. A big scuffle ensued in the hall, and the next week at Church I found out that in the middle of the scuffle I apparently had managed to hit a boy in the eye and had given him a black eye. When I found that out I was so distrought that I went upstairs and cried. I felt terrible for hurting him.

I am being trained in how to kill people, yet I can not even manage to kill and ant without feeling that I am being cruel. Over the years I have noticed that I can not bear seeing people hurt one another, or hurt any living thing for that matter. I don't know what a better word or term is for it, but that closest I can come up with at this time is that I do not like the offensive position*. What I mean by that is a position when action is taken for the sake of gaining the upperhand in cruel, harsh, or inhuman ways, or for senseless, power-craving, greedy reasons. To kill or hurt something just for the sake of killing or hurting it, to kill or hurt the defensless and weak, to hurt or tourture for the sake of gratifying a thirst for power or ego, to be inhuman in anyway; I despise it all and anyone who follows that route.

What I fight for, what I am willing to kill for as a soldier, what drives me, is the defensive position*. I have always wanted to be in the army because I want to defend my country and those I love against those people in the offensive position. I do not think twice about smashing a bug that is trying to bite me, or fighting off someone attacking me, as long as I do not exceed just force. I may have reservations about even killing an ant on a counter top, or a spider in a shower, but I have no problem with the idea of killing to protect and defend my country and my family, and myself from those who seek to hurt us. Hopefully that will never be required of me, but I never know, given my future occupation. What I can say is that I will not tolerate cruelty or inhuman acts in either myself or in others.

In my three years at west point, I don't believe I have ever once been taught anything different than I have said above about when and how to fight. I do not see the army, or our country, as being an offensive force, in terms of my definition. That is why I am proud that I am part of the army and have the opportunity to serve and protect my country.


* I made up my own definitions. The terms offensive and defensive are not being used like the definition of offensive and defensive for sports, or for military positions. I made up my own definitions.

So far, I've been rather productive today. This morning I got up and went for a run. Betsy and I were supposed to go out to breakfast after she went to Mass, but she was still asleep when I got back from the run, so we rescheduled the breakfast for Monday. Having some extra time on my hands, I went for a bike ride, trying to strengthen my legs for crew. After that I came back and watched the last 10 miles of the Tour de France. It was incredible. I've never been a huge fan of watching sports on tv, but I'm hooked on this. Lance Armstrong had another amazing win today that had me on the edge of my seat. At noon my dad and I had a meeting with another person about investing some of my cow loan. I'm glad that finally got done and I don't have to think about it anymore. Hopefully there won't be another great depression anytime soon. Now I'm at home again sitting around. In a little while I'm going to head over to my Grandma's house to visit her, then pick up some Jimmy John subs and go to Betsy's softball game.

I found this on another cadet's blog, and it made my sister and I laugh:

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
You retire on the income.

INDIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You worship them.

PAKISTAN ECONOMICS
You don't have any cows.
You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
You ask the US for financial aid, China for military aid,
Britain for warplanes, Italy for machines,
Germany for technology, France for submarines,
Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs,
and Japan for equipment.
You buy the cows with all this and claim of
exploitation by the world.

AMERICAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other
to produce the milk of four cows.
You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
You put the blame on some nation with cows &
naturally that nation will be a danger to mankind.
You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.

FRENCH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

GERMAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years,
eat once a month, and milk themselves.

BRITISH ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
They are both mad.

ITALIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.

SWISS ECONOMICS
You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
You charge others for storing them.

JAPANESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You redesign them so that they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create cute cartoon cow images called
Cowkimon and market them worldwide.

RUSSIAN ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.

SRI LANKAN ECONOMICS
You have a cow and a bull.
You let the cow be president, the bull be prime minister,
and let them blame each other for the state the country is in.

CHINESE ECONOMICS
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment,
high bovine productivity,
and arrest anyone reporting the actual numbers.

Just a few minutes ago I recived a phone call that would probably make most people happy, but for me it was rather dissapointing. It was a CPT calling to inform me that the report date for SMULT has changed from the 25th to the 29th, meaning that I have another week at home. I do like my family and enjoy being around them, but I was looking forward to seeing my friends and getting back to doing military training. On the bright side, I can now make it to my cousin's graduation party on Saturday. I know I shouldn't complain. Some people would kill for more time off. I just need to find something to do to keep me occupied.

I think I'm allergic to something in Michigan. Every time I've been home for more than a few days in the past year my ear starts to hurt and becomes a bit swollen inside. I think it all started a year ago when I was home for a week and developed a double ear infection right before I left on my AIAD.

All engaged, all around my age/grade:
Tyler
Brian
other Brian
Jon
good Josh
Megan
Jason
Joel
Mike
Jodi
Pat
Mary
Steph
Teresa
plus at least 5-10 others I can't remeber

Finding out that my friends and classmates are now engaged makes me feel really young. I know it should be the opposite, that it should make me feel old, but it doesn't. That part of life still seems so far off to me, and when I hear that they are engaged I can't fully grasp it. I'm only 20, they are only 20-22ish, perhaps some a few years older, but none above 25. 25 I can understand, 25 seems normal (that's you heiko), but 20. I'm still growing up, trying to make it through school, maturing, figuring out who I am, not feeling grown up. Maybe it stems from the fact that I live in such a closed enviroment most of the year. Perhaps it is normal to feel this way.

Part of me is expecting that to all suddenly change when I graduate. Some magic button will be pressed, and I'll suddenly be a grown up. I'll be ready to go out on my own, be an officer, be in charge, and perhaps then not feel so young. Of course, I know that is not going to happen all of a sudden once I graduate. Over time, perhaps, but no magic button.

I remember back in middle school how I couldn't imagine myself in high school. It seemed too far away, too unfamiliar, to grown up. Now I'm 1 year away from graduating from college. It's amazing how things change. I think I'll look back on this time the same way. Life happens, whether you think it will or not.

One of the books I'm currently reading: A Severe Mercy
It's a great book, even though I am only a few chapters into it. Talk about two people being truely in love.

I've been having trouble recently when I'm trying to get to websites. I type in the address, or click on my link to it in my favorites, and am redirected to some other random site. Yesterday, my favorites link to this site was redirecting me to the UofM email login page. When I typed in the address it did the same thing. I've had that happen to me with other web pages as well, including my google homepage. They all end up at different sites. In order to get to the page I want to get to, I have to close IE and open it up again. So odd.

I made the mistake of going downtown today, the day before the Art Fair opens. No parking, and lots of detours where in store for me. Plus, I couldn't find what I was looking for to buy. Oh well. I don't think I've been to the art fair in at least 10-13 years. There is some cool stuff there, but what I remember about it from when I was little was that it was very hot, the sun was beating down on me, I was very thirsty, it was extremly crowded, and it made me very tired. Other than that it was a good time. In any case, I don't want to be tempted to pay for something that I don't need and don't have space for right now. Although, this could be the last year I have the opportunity to experiance the art fair, so perhaps I should risk it.

Grrr...the latest word on Ring Weekend is that they are moving the ring ceremony to Saturday. Some people might say I've waited 3 years for it, what's a few more hours, but to them I say "poo on you." I want my ring. I don't really care about my actual ring, although I am looking forward to getting it. What matters most to me is that it is a symbol of what I have accomplished so far over the past 3 years. I'd go into more depth, but that would be getting a bit too mushy gushy for me right now. Perhaps later when ring weekend is closer.

40 days to Ring Weekend
313 days till Graduation

Oh My Gosh, Sir/Ma'am!
What a Beautiful Ring.
What a crass mass of brass and glass.
What a bold mold of rolled gold.
What a cool jewel you got from your school.
See how it sparkles and shines?
It must have cost you a fortune.
May I touch it?
May I touch it please, Sir/Ma'am?

My prayers go out to his family in their time of loss.

Personal entry...
As much as I want to get away from civilization, what I really want is someone to talk to. I've noticed that as my time away from school has progressed, I've started talking less and less. Part of my can't wait to get back to school, because there I'm not known because of the school I go to, or anything related to it. Of course, there I also don't have someone I can totally confide in. Does anybody have someone like that, or is it just some dream I have?

I feel like I have a bunch of different masks that I wear. Each of them is trying to hide something, and make me appear better than I actually am. I'm scared that someone I who I don't want to will strip off the mask and be very dissapointed in what they find, because it is the real me. When I'm home a lot of it stems from being known as the person who goes to USMA. People introduce me as "This is ___. She goes to West Point." I don't mind that in-an-of-itself, nor do I mind the dozens of questions that usually follow about the school. In fact, I enjoy answering the questions. What bothers me is that I feel like I am expected to be more spectacular than I actually am. I don't think they want to know the truth that I suck at running, I'm not great at push-ups, although West Point is hard at times, I think a lot of people have the idea that it is more challenging than it actually is. I don't think I've done anything spectacular in my time there, I haven't jumped out of an airplane yet, nor do I have my own personal stash of weapons that I can go off and shoot whenever I want. I haven't qualified with an M16 since Beast, I haven't thrown a grenade since Beast. Academically I'm somewhere in the middle, physically and militarly I'm ranked somewhere in the middle or lower. Hazing the plebes is not my specialty, in fact I rarely do it because I'm usually busy with crew. Sure there are things that are different than a regular college, but I didn't enter West Point and suddenly turn into super woman. I'm not that great.

When I tell people about the real experiance, especially the fact that I don't have my own stash of weapons and my athletic abilities, I feel like they are dissapointed and that they expected more from me. When I'm home I don't like entering in contests or competitions with people, because I feel like they expect me to perform better than perhaps I actually can, and be good at everything. Part of it stems from me developing into a person who hates to fail, or be showed up at anything. I've become an extremely competative, or perhaps it is egotistical, person, but it goes a bit overboard to the point where I'm afraid of failure.


This past semester I have been very depressed, more so than I ever have been before. Although I know it is not logical or rational, the phrase that repeats in my mind is "You are not good enough," that going for all areas of my life. I know perfectly well that there are religious issues or matters tied in with that, in fact I can hear my Dad delivering a sermon to me about it right now and know what points he most likely would bring up, but his little sermon in my head about it does not seem to be helping.

When I try and talk to someone about what is going on with me and what I am feeling, it usually ends up backfiring. I unload too much on them, and they end up distancing themselves from me because I am too depressing. Hence, I wear masks around most people. When I open up I push people away.

"I'm not a perfect person. There's many things I wish I didn't do..."
"All you wanted was somebody who cares..."

This past week I was on vacation with my family at the lake up north. My dad's brothers and their families were up there as well, along with two other families who our families are friends with. The time up there made me think about how lucky we all are. We're able to all get together at a nice lake, stay in two very nice houses, and have a wonderful time together for a week. The biggest arguments, which were not very big at all, were the adults saying what time the fire had to be put out at night, because they wanted it to be quiet so they could sleep. One of my uncles brought his boat up, so there was a lot of tubing and waterskiing, along with some knee boarding and wake boarding. I only went tubing because I was worried about how my shoulders. A few mornings I took a kayak out and paddled around, but found it rather dull. On wednesday afternoon I rode a bike 32 miles around the lake. That was very peacefull and relaxing, even more so than when I took my car and went out on drives to try and get away from civilization. On one of my car trips I found a place to go on a short hike that also had a very nice view of some hills. My cousins along with my sister and the kids of the family friends and I, would go to the bay and hang out, then stay up late making s'mores and talking around the fire. Overall it was a very relaxing week.

Tomorrow I leave for a family vacation up north. It's the first vacation I've been on since the summer going into senior year. I'm not sure if I'll be able to water ski, but I'll at least be able to go tubing.

Earlier this week I went out to lunch with Misha, and then he gave me a tour of his work place. He works at Avacore helping develop the CoreControl system. He showed me some of the work he's been doing, and also let me try out a system. I guess it is being test out by both Army Rangers and Special Forces right now in hopes that in a few years it will be in a form avaliable for the military.

This morning I picked my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins up from the airport. I was really glad to see them again, although Isaac and Anna were practically sleeping with their eyes open because it was 6:30am, and they had just come from CA. After I dropped them off at my Grandma's house, I promptly went back home and fell asleep until 9:25 when my alarm went off. The snooze alarm was used every 8 minutes from then until around 10, when I finally made myself get up. I had to take my car back to the place I had the oil changed to make sure all the other fluids they changed were done correctly, and have them tighten the serpentine belt.

Matt and I made plans to meet for lunch at 12:30, but since I had a lot of time to spare between getting the car checked out and lunch, I decided to drive around a bit. I wanted to get away from civilization, but driving on dirt roads around farms was a close as I could get. It proved to be more refreshing than I expected, and I think that I'll do it again when I need to get away. I'm hoping that up north I can actually go hiking in some more remote areas.

Lunch was nice. It was good to see Matt again. He's a great guy. Afterwords I went to Cabela's and bought my first pair of hiking boots, as well as a pair of pants to wear while backpacking.

So far home has been relaxing. I've spent a lot of time reading and hanging out with my sisters, or at least one of my sisters. Heidi just got back from up north yesterday, and so I've only spent a little time with her. Betsy invited me to practice with her slow pitch softball team, and that has been very enjoyable. It feels great to throw a ball and swing a bat again. Her team has their first game on Thursday and I am planning on going to it.

This afternoon Betsy and I went out to buy a tennis racket so that we could play tennis after Mass and dinner, but the sporting goods store we went to was in the procces of moving, and they didn't have any tennis stuff out. Instead we looking at the athletic clothing, and I showed her what kind of clothing was good for wicking sweat away from the body. We both ended up spending a fair amount of money on athletic clothes there. I had to force myself to leave the store before I bought anything more.

Last night I tried my hand at making a strawberry-rhubarb pie. It was a bit soupy at first, but it has thickend up a bit. I think it turned out fairly well, since there is only a quarter or so of it left. Perhaps I'll make another one later.

It's amazing, although I have easy access to the home computer as well as my laptop while I am home, I spend far less time on the computer. Yesterday I didn't even touch one. Today I spent some time online researching hiking and biking trails in Michigan. The end result was that I came to the conclusion that I don't have the correct bike to go on most of the trails, and I don't have the equipment needed to go on a hiking trip. I had to resist the urge to go out and remedy the problem.

Home at last :)

I was supposed to get into Detroit around 10pm on Friday night, but my plane was delayed in North Carolina, and so I ended up missing my connection to Detroit. There wasn't another flight until 6:30 the next morning, so they put me on that flight to Cleavland, and from there on a flight to Detroit. I made it into Detroit at 10:10 am Saturday morning. The important thing is that I am finally home. Yay!

I love my jeep. It is even better than I imagined. My parents drove it to the airport so that I could drive it home. I also like all the work my parents have done on the house. They have redone all of the first floor except the family room and the bathroom. It looks very nice, and I also like having a kitchen while I am home this time.

Betsy invited me to a bonfire tonight, and so I went over there. I was able to see some of my friends from middle school, and also some of my sister's friends whom I'd met before but don't really know. The bonfire was fun, and we made s'mores. Yummy.

It's so nice to relax. Woohoo, I'm home.

This morning I woke up, and the first thought that entered my mind was "I wish I had CTLT in Korea, because then I'd be leaving today, and since Korea is a few time zones away, I'd have already left." Work today consisted of PT, and then around 9:30 they let me go and run errands I needed to do. I was able to get a box to ship home full of stuff, get a new set of dog tags, buy a new brown bdu t-shirt, and get a new pair of glasses. After lunch I went back to the pack shed, where my LT gave me a hard time for having yesterday afternoon off, and then having the mornign off to run errands. He then proceeded to let me go back to the hotel, because there wasn't anything for me to do.

1 more day :)

Yesterday I was talking to Bea-hob on IM and he asked me if there was anything that I would die for. The things that came to mind were God, family, country. He then asked me a question that really made me think. He asked me what it means to die for God, and how I translate that into everyday actions. Thinking about having to actually die for my faith is the easy part, in part because I am not currently faced with that possibilty. However, as Bea-hob reminded me, I am called to die each day for God, so to speak. How that is done is by living in Christ, not in the world. When he asked me that question I really wondered how I do die each day for Christ. I really struggle with sharing my faith, because I am worried about what other people will think. Will they think I am crazy, a hypocrite, a goody-two-shoes, someone who has no fun? Yet it shouldn't matter what other people think of me. The only one that matters is God, but so often I lose sight of that and am silent.

Totally different subject: This morning I learned how to pack a personal parachute. It was harder than I thought, and I found it much harder than packing the cargo parachutes. Since that only took the morning to do and get another tour of the pack shed, my LT let me go back to the hotel at lunch. This afternoon I went and saw The Stepford Wives. I wouldn't really recommend the movie. It was pretty strange.

2 days left :)

Friends away message who is a PL for Beast: " today will be a significant emotional event for 1237 of the nation's brightest young people.....R-Day 2004. the hatred for 08 is super high right now"

I can't wait to get home, get away from everything, and be on vacation. It'd also be really nice to go backpacking away from everything again. Perhaps that is my new mode of escape. I love being out in the woods away from civilization, surrounded by hills or mountains, sleeping under the stars, or in a makeshift shelter, being able to be comfertable in silence with friends as we hike, preparing food over a hiking stove or a fire, collecting water from a stream, sitting on a rock outcropping watching the sun set, seeing for miles on the hill tops, being worried only about porcipines attacking at night, and getting away from daily trials, struggles, and problems. However, I don't think I'd enjoy backpacking if the pace had to be fairly fast in order to accomplish a certain distance, or get to a certain point. I need time to unwind and relax and go at my own pace.

I've found I have a love for hills and mountains, but along with that, or in addition to that, I have a love of clouds and the sky. There are so many times I wish I had a camera with me that could capture the majestic clouds and beauty of the sky. Whether they are wispy strands of clouds strung out like strands of cotten, or huge billows piled on each other like cotten balls stacked in the sky, I find them awe inspireing. When the sun is setting and it casts a pink and yellow hue throughout the sky, it almost takes my breath away. The beauty of the sky constently reminds me of God and how awesome he is. He created the sky and the clouds. He made the sun sets. He is the true artist.

I've seen a few little bumper stickers around post that say "Army wife, the toughest job in the Army." Although I am still really young, and have a while before I have to really think about it, for years I've wondered about the women who are both Army wives and Army soldiers, because it is likely that I will someday end up in that catagory. They have to care for their family, and care for their soldiers. How do they manage? I'm always on the lookout for role models in that area. I just realized that here at Fort Bragg I have a unique oportunity to see how many women wear both titles of mother, wife, and soldier in dual military families. Both my sponser and company commander even fall in that cataory. Now that I've realized that, perhaps I can get some advice from them about it.

Less than a week left. I've learned some good stuff during CTLT, like the role of a platoon leader. Yesterday I had an office call with COL Hudson, who is the COSCOM commander. He gave me some good advice about being a soldier, officer, leader, and person. Hopefully I'll actually be able to remember it.

I talked to Misha yesterday, and he said he would probably be able to help me out with the mini-boot camp. He loves the army, and is even considering using the army as means to medical school, or something like that. I can't wait to hang out with him again.

My car is ready to be picked up, which means it will be waiting for me at my house when I get home next week. Yay!

I was mistake for a rigger this morning by some of the soldiers. We were packing flight bags to be airdropped at Fort Irwin, and I was showing them how do to it, because I learned yesterday, and since we had all taken off the bdu tops and were just in brown t-shirts, name and ranks were not visible. Once or twice they refered to me as "rigger." I had to tell them that I wasn't, and that I was just a cadet. They then asked me a lot of questions about being a cadet. Although a lot of them don't quite understand how it works, because they are conviced I'm here trying to figure out what MOS I want. Even though I don't really want to branch quatermaster, I think if I do somehow end up in the branch I want to be in a rigger unit.

It's been half a year since I've seen my sisters, but I'm going to get to see them in a few days. Yay! I guess this is kinda getting me ready for the future when it will be a year before I see my family again when I am deployed. This morning I remembered that Berry won't be there when I get home. That made me very sad thinking about her being gone, and how it will be different without her in the house when I get there.

Having had some extra time on my hands with nothing better to think about, I've started day dreaming about something. I think it would be cool to run a 1-day mini-boot camp for kids at my church, or other kids who'd be intersted, while I'm home. What I've thought about is teaching things like low-crawling, high-crawling, 3-5 second buddy rushes, and a little drill and ceremony. Throughout it I'd stress the importance of having a ranger buddy at all times, having self-disciplne, and respect for both people and equipment. This evening I searched online and found toy M16 rifles for around $8.00 each, 1 Qt canteens for under $2.00 each, and woodland camo baseball caps for $5.00 each. I figure that if I actually could get this thing to work, it'd cost about $15 per kid. I'd lose some money on it, but that way the cost would not be too daunting for anyone interested, plus the kids would come away with some cool gear, although it'd be imitation. It's just a dream, but it gives me something to think about, and it'd be really cool if I actually could get it to happen.

Due to a lack of anything better to do, I now have a very good uniform, especially my boots. I'll never be satisfied by the shine on my boots, but I'm getting better at it. First I start out with a good base of regular black shoe polish. I shine it as best as I can with that with a cloth. After I've got a good shine with the regular shoe polish, I add a top coat or two of lincoln wax black shoe polish. That makes the shine even more brilliant. After a few coats of that, I top it all off with Seal-a-shine. I discovered it at General Jackson's the other day. It's a liquid that "enhances and protects your shine, and serves as an excellent base for your next shine." I then edge dress the edges of the soles of the boots. The result is a shiny, black boot.

Today was another semi-interesting day. PT this morning was supposed to be combatives, but instead we did a regular muscle failure workout while in bdu's and boots. I then showered at the gym, drove to the pack shed, ate my breakfast, and read the Bible. At 9 I went into the pack shed to begin the work day. The morning I spent with the parachute maintanece guys learning how to patch a parachute, trying my hand at a little sewing, and then watching the guys sew for the rest of the morning. I was tempted to ask them if they ever thought that they would spend their time in the army sewing. For lunch I drove over to the mini-mall, parked my car, ate lunch and read some more of The Princess Bride, and then took a 30 min nap. At 12:45 I headed back to the pack shed, and entered it at 1pm. I spent the afternoon learning how to pack a 100 ft diameter, G-11 parachute. It has a load capacity of 5,000 lbs. Yesterday I learned how to pack the G-12 parachute, which is only 64 ft in diameter. My knife has come in very handy the past few days in the pack shed. There are tons of cords and strings that need to be cut when packing the parachutes. At 5 I headed back to the hotel. Yesterday I went over to Matt's and did a load of laundry, and he said I could do another load today at either his or Julia's place, but I'm feeling to lazy this evening to drive across town to do laundry. I'll wait till another day, or come up wtih $2.50 in quaters and do it here.

I'm liking this week more than the previous weeks because I get to actually do some stuff, plus interact a lot more with the soldiers. I didn't like the fact that before I barely even saw any of the soldiers in the platoon. Now these soldiers are actually teaching me how to do their job, plus I can ask them a ton of questions and get to know what it is like for them, and they have a lot of questions for me. Hopefully they won't lose all of their respect for me tomorrow at PT when they see how bad of a runner I am.

This past week has been fun. I did the 10-mile race on Thursday and managed to run the whole way, although the last few miles were extremely slow, I spent a ton of time with John, Matt, and Julia, and spent hardly any time sitting bored in my hotel room. Matt took John and I to the special forces museum and the 82nd Airborne museum on Friday. On Saturday we went to General Jackson's, which is an awesome store, and they helped me pick out my first knife. I say first because although I have had Swiss Army Knives, and Gerber multi-tool things, this is my first good, single blade, no tools attached, knife. Hmm, I guess that would sound a little strange to anyone who isn't in the military or know anything about it. Knives are very useful, especially out in the field, for cutting rope, opening MRE's, whitteling wood during bored briefings, and flipping open and shut just for fun. Anyway, I ended up with a Spyderco knife, becuase John said some of his friends had them and they didn't have to sharpen them for 2 years. I've gotten a lot better at opening and closing it single handed. Don't worry Mom, I'm being safe.

This coming week the Battalion Commander is switching me to a Rigger unit so that I can experiance a wider range of what the Quartermaster Corps has to offer. I'm both glad and not so glad. I was getting used to the fact that there wasn't much to do before, and now I don't know what to expect. I also have to adjust to a new company. In any case, it should be a good experiance.

I'm looking forward to getting home and having some time with my family. Happy Fathers Day Dad :)

Being able to hang out with John, Matt, and Julia in the evenings has made a world of difference. Matt and Julia are two LTs in Johns company. Yesterday they had a night airborne operation, and so John invited me to go along to see them jump and then pick them up. Since we didn't have to be at the drop zone until 11pm, we hung out before hand. We went out to dinner and then stopped by a store so I could pick up stuff to make butterscotch brownies, because I'd been craving those. Since John is staying at Matt's house, and Matt is a bachlor, I didn't expect to find any real baking supplies there, and I was right. When I was about halfway through making the brownies I couldn't find the flour or the baking powder. I remembered buying them, but they weren't in the house and they weren't in the car. It turns out that I left an entire bag of supplies at the checkout. Needless to say, the brownie batter ended up going down the sink :( Hopefully I'll be able to make them tonight.

After that we watched a movie and proceeded to have a drawn out pillow fight throught the course of the movie. It turned into him trying to use combative moves on me since he had just had the class that year. I had it two years ago, and so I didn't remember the moves as well, or how to get out of them, and ended up having to tap out a few times. It was good exercise though, which I counted as my PT for today even though it was the night before. I got back from the jump around 2:30am, and so I was excused from PT in the morning.

Tomorrow I'm running in the Army Birthday 10-miler. I've run 7 miles before, but I don't think I've run 10 at one time. I'm not that nervous because it is not something that I have to finish in the certain time. My goal is just to finish, especially since I have not been running a ton.

Friday is another day off. Yay :)

This weekend turned out pretty well. A downpayment was put down on a car, I went to a BBQ, I went to Church, and I made some friends. The BBQ was held by the West Point Parents Club around here. I got there pretty late, but still had a chance to talk to some old grads who have decided to write to the Comm about the living situation the cadets are in here at Fort Bragg. I'm not complaining about that.

I'd say today was the highlight of the week. I found an LCMS Church online that is in Fayetteville, so I decided to go there this morning. It took me much longer that it should have to get there because I made a lot of wrong turns. Perhaps later I'll write about a lesson I've been learning. Anyway, it was really nice to go to Church again, because I haven't been in a few weeks. After the service I noticed one of the ushers was wearing a sports jacket with a West Point crest on it plus a ring, so I asked him what class he was. It turns out he was class of '55. We talked for a few minutes, and I felt much better about having found some little connection at the Church.

Later in the day I realized that I'd forgotten to turn my cell phone back on after church, and so when I turned it on I had a message from Anthea. I'd talked to her on Saturday and we'd discussed how both of us didn't really know anybody else on CTLT, and so life was pretty boring. It turns out her ex-boyfriend, who she is still really good friends with, is at bragg for CTLT and also happens to be rather bored. She called and left me his cell phone number and told me to call him if I was ever bored and wanted to go out. About 15 minutes later I got a phone call, and it was the guy, John. Anthea had given him my number as well, and so he decided to call me. We ended up going and seeing Troy, although John had already seen it once. He's a very nice guy, and it sure beat another night sitting in my room. He's staying at his sponser's house which is closer to post, and so I met his sponser as well. They invited me to go over to their house anytime, and also invited me to go bowling with them on Tuesday, and also to do stuff on Friday. It's so nice to finally have people to do stuff with here.

YAY! I'm getting a car. It's a black 1998 Jeep Cherokee. :)

One of my friends from school has invited me to alaska for a few days this summer. I think it would be awesome to go because I am very interested in seeing the state, but time is a problem. I don't know how well it would work into my schedule with everything else. I really hope to go there sometime, because so far it sounds like the perfect place. Not humid, lots of mountains, scenic, northern lights, and a bit of an untamed feel. Perhaps I'll try and post there.

It's raining outside right now with a bit of a thunderstorm :)

Friday morning I slept in till 11:30am. I haven't slept in that late in months. In fact, I don't remember the last time I slept in that late. Thursday morning I woke up at 7:30am on my own. Sleep patterns sure change fast.

This evening I attended a Hail and Farewell for the battalion that I'm with. It was pretty boring, although the food was okay. Basically all the officers and E7s and above were there. The captain sitting next to me was trying to convince to get a beer. Riiiiiight, like that's going to happen.

I finally got my rental car tonight. It is a silver toyota highlander. So far I love it, although I've only had a chance to drive it home from the airport. Yay for the freedom a car brings:)

No more wisdom....teeth. I had my top two wisdom teeth removed today, and they probably would have done the bottom two as well, except those ones never formed. The event has turned my 3 day weekend into a 5 day weekend, although today is going to be spend in bed probably sleeping and trying to avoid drooling blood stains on the sheets. What fun what fun for everyone, and a man to be eaten by a lion. That last sentence is a line I had in my second grade play, but I figure the first half is appropriate at least.

Great news! My rental car orders finally came in. Tomorrow I go and pick up my car. I could go tonight, but I got back from the airborne operation kinda late, and I have no transportation out to the airport. Plus, I have a million other things to do, like laundry, ironing, dinner, sleep, etc... I'm so happy :)

It's all the pain of strep throat, without the sickness. Yes, my wisdom tooth is finally making itself very evident. Tomorrow I'm hopefully headed in to get it looked at. As far as I can tell, I believe it is coming in sideways sticking out into my cheek. I'd be optimistic and say it'll get better, but since it gets worse as the tooth comes in more, I'm thinking I'll try and get it removed and not have to deal with it. Really, I don't mind it that much. It's better than being actually sick, or any numerous other things.

In other news, the airborne operation today was awesome. I had no idea so much went into one. I was in the Battalion Commander's humvee and he made sure that I got to see the cool stuff. I was allowed onto the C-17 with the safteys before take-off, and handed out earplugs to the soldiers on the plane. Then, I got to go to the drop zone, and actually be right on the drop zone as they parachuted down. We were so close that the humvees had to be running every time and we had to stand out of the way of them in case one of them was in the way of a soldier landing. The first one landed about 25 meters from where we were. It was so cool seeing them drop straight overhead.

Friday is a national day of mourning for President Reagen, so the big question of the week is "does that make it a training holiday?" So far I've heard both that it is, and that it is not. Guess I'll find out sometime.

I love my parents :)

Today was a better day than last week. It started out with a 4 mile run, where I once again realized how out of running shape I really am. The only thing that will take is more running. The rest of the morning was spent in the motorpool. In the afternoon I took a range control class, which was pretty easy and took up 2 hours. After that the day was basically over because I just followed my LT around base while she did different LT type things. Tomorrow I get to ride with the Battalion Commander and view an airborne operation. I'm hoping that I get to do the ruck march in the morning for PT. On Thursday I'm going to the range to qualify again on an M16. That should be cool because I'll get a chance to use my left eye, which has become my dominate I in the last 2 years. On Friday I'm going to dental sick call to get one of my wisdom teeth looked at. I thought it was coming in fine, but in the past few days I've found that it is coming in at an angle and started to hurt my cheek.

I've discovered a new way to work on my hand-eye coordination. In order to be able to go to the bathroom I must first be able to catch and smash the 6 or so mosquitoes flying around in the tiny space. My roommate and I finally discovered the way they were getting into the room, the bathroom ceiling. We covered up what we thought was the hole because it was the one that light was coming through, but they have discovered another one today. Perhaps I'll start keeping a tally of the number I kill each day. I think I'm around 8-10 today so far.

I hope John is back and has good news about my orders for a car.

Thanks to Heidi, my list of books to read, or read again in most cases is:
-The Princess Bride
-some book that has Lethal Poison, or maybe it's Deadly Poison, or perhaps I'm compeltely off in the title, but it's another one she suggested.
- Any other books people suggest. Sorry Heidi if I forgot some other books. Can you tell me again what they were if I missed any, and feel free to keep the suggestions coming.

Things to do tonight, in no particular order:
- find John and ask him about the orders
- i hope, i hope, i hope, rent a car
- call my LT
- email angelo saying I'll go the the bbq
- call parents
- call Frank
- do laundry
- read
- sleep

I miss Joe Bear :(

One weekend down, a few more to go. This weekend was spent sleeping, reading, watching a ton of tv, and sitting by the pool. Although it sounds fun at first, it gets pretty boring. Hopefully my orders to rent a car will come tomorrow and life will improve. There's not much else to write about.

Yay! I'm online again :) Fayetville is pretty boring right now. I've been spending a ton of time reading and watching tv. I'm almost out of books to read, and getting very tired of tv and my room. Hopefully things will improve soon.

Backpacking this past weekend in the Catskills with Leah and Celio was a lot of fun. I think it was just what I needed. There were a lot of people out on some of the trails because of the Memorial Day holiday, but there was still the feeling of being away from everything, a place of solitude, and no phones, tv's, computers, mirrors, or worries about what other people thought. Besides one or two scares with wild animals at night, it was pretty unevenful. We saw a wolf...but he was on a leash. It was nice getting our water from streams, setting up a shelter at night with ponchos instead of a tent, sleeping on the ground, eating cambells soup with rice and either peanuts or tuna added, and not showering for three days. I am serious with I saw I really enjoyed it. It was nice to shower once we got back, but I didn't mind the time in between because none of us cared.

The weekend was a lot more fun than camping the week before, because there wasn't the worry about being bored, I dind't feel like I had to talk at all, we all were just kinda lost in our thoughts a lot of the time. Some of the views were awesome. I really liked the fact that it felt like real camping, not like the fake camping last weekend. That was fun to spend time with those friends, but it wasn't what I needed as a vacation. I came back almost feeling more exhausted last weekend than when I had left. This weekend I came back feeling much more rejuvenated, and I also felt like I got a lot more exercise this weekend. Hiking all day can make you sore.

Tomorrow I leave fore CTLT, the unknown. After that I have a few weeks at home, and then I'm off again to Fort Bragg for SMULT. I'm hoping it will be one of the best summers I've ever had.

Woohoo! I have 3 strips and black shields on my shoulders now :)

It's cute, the plebes are too excited to sleep. Tomorrow they finally get promoted. Almost all of the firsties are awake as well, but taps for them was only 10 minutes ago. I'll finally be a firstie, but sleep for me will be no problem at all tonight. I'm really tired and can't wait to get to bed.

Tomorrow I'm going back packing with Leah and Celio in the Catskill Mountains till Monday. Should be a good time.

Last night at West Point for 2.5 months.

Yes, I do like spending $1030 on plane tickets....wait, no I don't. Carlson Wagonlit told me I was taking a bus down to Fort Bragg for CTLT, but apparently there is no said bus, which I found out today. I therefore just spent approxemtly $1030 on plane tickets from Newark to RDU for Wendesday, and then a month later from RDU to Detroit. Had I had time to think rationally, I could have used United instead of Continetal and flown into Fayetville, NC, which is much closer to where I need to be, but I called Continental first and so I'm ending up flying into an airpot about 75 miles from my final destination. It will all work out somehow. The flight was only a small part of the stress accumulateing due to CTLT. I am not 100% sure what branch I am going to be with, I have no clue what unit, I have no contact information except for one LT inviting a bunch of cadets who will be at Bragg to a BBQ on the 12th, I have no clue where I'll be staying on post, and I don't know my way around post or have my own method of transportation. This is all so very reminicent of last summer and trying to figure out details for my AIAD, except this time I have even less information to work with. My new motto "Trust God and things will work out somehow." I have a feeling that there will be many more times in my life where I am in a situation like this, have very little or no information, and have to wing it on my own.

My sister is, as of today, the great age of 23. Happy Birthday Betsy!

It's wierd how Betsy is 23 and Heidi is 24, yet they seem so much older to me. I have friends who are their ages, but my friends seem so much younger because I put them on my level. My sisters seem much more mature and sensible. The same goes for my sister's friends. Will my sisters always seem 10 years older than they actually are to me? I really admire both of my sisters. They are awesome people, and kinda my mini-role models in some ways.

Things left to do, in no particular order:

meet Amanda for lunch
go to C-store
DX ruck frame
pack bag for CTLT
pack ruck for SMULT
strip bed
pack computer away
finish packing room away
find info out about CTLT
turn in rifle
wish Betsy a Happy Birthday
spend time with friends

Yesterday Anne and I went out on opps to get her car inspected to meet NY state insurance requirements. She'd gotten directions from one of the guys in her company, but we couldn't find one of the roads and ended up driving for about 2 hours looking for the place. The good part is that now we know our way around the area a lot better than before. When we were driving back in Washington Gate the guard asked for our ID's as usual, and then as we were about to drive off he said "You have beautiful green eyes." I was not really paying attention to him and assumed he was talking to Anne, but as we pulled away she said "he said that to you." We argued about who he said it to because she said she had blueish eyes and that he was looking at me, and I had just assumed he was saying it to her. I finally came up with the solution that there was a person sitting between us that we couldn't see, but who the guard apparently thought had beautiful green eyes. I hope that extra person in the car didn't mind the extra hours of driving around lost.

This morning was my last parade as a rifle bearer. Tomorrow I don't have to carry anything, and after that I'll have a saber. Yay!

Why do 80's styles have to be coming back? I was trying to forget that decade of fashion faux pas.

Everday this week feels like a Comm's Saturday because we're done with classes, but we still have stuff to do in the mornings. This week is better than regular classes because once drilling and parading are over in the morning, there are no more mandatory events. The firsties have it the worst. I overheard one of them saying that they hadn't been able to sit down for more than 15 minutes since they woke up, and 10 of those minutes were for breakfast. I should add that breakfast formation was at 4:55am this morning, so they have been up for a while. There are a ton of rehersals and other mandatory events for them, on top of trying to move everything out. I am really looking forward to finally being a firstie, but now that I've heard them saying that grad week sucks, I'm not looking forward to this time next year as much. I'm still hoping that the fact that I'll be graduating will outweigh anything else.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BETSY!

Who am I around people? Around those who I am not very good friends with, I feel like I show one side of myself, and then to my close friends I show another side. There is the side of me that tries hard not to complain, especially around others, because I believe that ends up making the attitudes worse, and thus the situation worse. But, then there is the side of me that spills my troubles to my close friends, and recently that pile of troubles has seemed enormous. I guess I seem to come up with a new one every day, or perhaps twice a day. Unfortuantly, most of my sharing of my troubles has landed on one person, and I've driven them somewhat away, when what I've really wanted to do was to become closer to them. It really hurt when I realized that I was getting the same treatment from them that I was giving, undeservingly, to another one of my close friends. It hurt realizing they were doing it to me, and it also really hurt realizing it was exactly what I was doing to someone else. I'd been distant and non-talkative to one person, and one person had been that way towards me.

This whole mess leaves me wondering where to draw a line in my life in when, where, how, and how much to share my troubles, and when to keep them to myself. I don't like talking about them, in person that is, to people I don't know very well, but I need to stop sharing them as much with some people. I'm tempted to try and act like nothing ever bothers me, that I am always happy, a paste a permenant smile on my face, around everyone, be they close friends or not, but that is not the real me.

A summer away I think will do me a lot of good, but I'm having a hard time with the fact that it is a whole summer away. When I really want something I tend to go after it with everything I've got until I reach that goal. I can't accept quiting or giving up. A very small example was one time I had a certain dvd I wanted to see so I decided to go and rent it. The store had them all rented out, so I drove to another one nearby. They didn't have it either, so I drove to a store to see if I could buy it. That store din't have it, so I then proceeded to drive across to the other side of the city to stores over there to see if they had it and I could buy it. I don't think they had the movie either, but by that time I'd spent a few hours searching for it and was out of stores to go to. While I was searching for it I felt this need to continue one till I found it. I couldn't sit still or stop until then. What is bad is that I often try that approach with friendships/relationships, and push to try and become closer friends. However, that is probably the worst approach, and ends up driving the friendship apart. I keep repeating that mistake.

I used to post everything here, and use this to spill my troubles, but now I limit myself to only certain ones and types. I want a way to share them with someone so that I don't keep them all bottled up, but not overwhelm anyone and not fall into a trap of troubles builiding upon troubles. I also alot of times just want and ear to listen to me and arms to give me a hug when needed. I also don't want it to just be me always talking about myself. Here all I do is talk about myself because that is what I have this blog for, me. It annoys me when, in person, all someone talks about is themself, and I hate it when I find myself doing that.

I think I have a mini-stomach virus. I've felt kinda sick since Sunday night and it hasn't gone away. I'll feel fine for awhile, and then it will hit me and I'll be doubled over again. I won't go into any more details.

Yesterday I spent about 8 hours working on stuff for the crew banquet. 5 of those hours were spent in the basement of Thayer working on the finishing touches for the program and place cards. It looks like it will be a pretty fun banquet this year.

I found a place to stay instead of transiet barracks for my 3 nights between graduation and CTLT. The S's are letting me stay at their hous, which is very nice of them. I hope I can manage to stay out of the way.

I got my PL300 grade back today and found out that I got an A on the TEE, which also happened to be the second highest grade in my section. The highest was an A+. The A raised my grade in the class to a B+. My final grade breakdown for the semester is as follows:

CS350	A-
PL300	B+
MS302	B+
HI302	B-
CS385	C+
CS403	C
CS380	C

The semester turned out better than I thought it would, which I can only attribute to God being very merciful and the tons of prayers I recieved from friends and family. I'm so glad those classes are over and I never have to deal with them again. CS350 was actually pretty fun, which is probably why that was my best grade. I also enjoyed PL300 because my teacher was awesome and made the class interesting, hence the reason it is my second highest grade.

On a completly different subject, anyone who thinks that cadets actually like drilling and parading is crazy and has never endured the torture themselves. I once read an article somewhere where the author actually made the claim that cadets enjoyed it, and had actually organized a parade for someone. I really hope the author was being sarcastic. I understand that a parade may look nice, and it is a little nice to march in front of people and have them be amazed, but the hours of drilling that goes into one parade, especially during grad week, makes it torture. I also think is has to be boring watching parades. After you've seen one, you've seen them all. Brigade reviews must be especially boring to watch, because it's 30 minutes of the cadets who all look the same, marching in front of you. What is even worse is being in 4th regiment and knowing that the people in 1st regiment will already be taking their showers by the time you finally get to march off the plain. I admit, I'm a bit bitter right now due to the hours of drill and parading we'll have to endure everyday this week. Today was an easy day with drill only lasting 1.5 hours, having it only be double regimental, and only having to go through the whole parade 3 times. Once the brigade drill starts, the real torture begins. I apologize if I just hurt anyone's image of cadets at West Point. I came here thinking drill would actually be fun and enjoyable. That thought lasted about a day.

This evening I started the packing up process for the summer. The first step was to clean out my trunks and my trunk room locker. I threw out tons of trash. My trunks and desk contained about 4 meduim trashcan size trash bags, while my trunk room locker contained 2 huge trashbags worth of trash. A lot of it was paper and binders. I also threw out some books, although I didn't really want to. I don't like throwing out books because I always feel like I am wasting them, but right now space is more important.

My desk is currently a mess, at least on the surface. The drawers are completly empty,save for a pen or two. The area around my desk is also a complete mess, as well as the majority of the rest of the room. Alyson packed a lot of her stuff last week because she has mini-buckner, and now Jillian and I are starting our packing. I think a tornado would have left the room cleaner.

My main problem is going to be my books. I have a ton of books, and a lot of them I don't want to get rid of. At least half of them are CS books, and my fear is that if I throw them away I'll need them later on when I am working on a project. I don't have space for all of them, plus altogether they are really heavy. Oh well.

I managed to pass all of my exams, and actually raised my grade in all of my CS classes. My lowest grade ended up being a C, and my highest grade was an A-. I'm still waiting on my PL300 grade, but I'm guessing that will be either a B or a B+. I'm so glad my classes are through for the semester and I never have to take CS380 or CS385 again. My class schedule for next year looks awesome since I dropped down to an FOS and got to choose classes I'm interested in.

TEE leave was fun. I went camping with Amanda, Adam, and Alicia. I think I should change my name to one that starts with an A because the people I tend to hang out with the most have names that begin with A. Odd. My dad also came up for 2 nights on his way home from a buisness trip. It was really nice to see him again. The only downside of the weekend was it rained every night. We managed to stay relatively dry, but there was some dampness. We made a fire every night and made s'mores and other good stuff. It was a lot of fun. Yesterday we went and saw Shrek 2, which is a hilarious movie. It's just as good as the first one, if not better.

Tomorrow morning is a fun fun brigade run. I'm hoping for a thunderstorm, but of course that never happens. One time it did rain, but since there was no thunderstorm we still ran. Actually, I prefer running in the rain when it comes to running in formation. It adds a bit of cynicism which actually helps make the run better because we all are cynical together.

My teacher for CS385 is the anti-christ in disguise. For the TEE he too out his metal baseball bat and said "I'm going to beat you within an inch of your life with this thing for the next 3.5 hours. Don't worry, it will be lots of fun. I love doing this and you should to. Here, have a little piece of candy in the middle so that you don't die half way through. That way I can keep beating you for the full 3.5 hours. What? You don't enjoy this and spend every waking minute thinking of how you can be beat up even more? Let me try hitting you a little harder with the bat to see if that helps the motivation."

I passed!

I think I figured out how I communicate best. It's by computer. Yikes! Does that make me a really nerdy person who spends there waking hours in chat rooms, eating junk food, and getting out of shape, while being anti-social in real life? I sure hope not. Anyway, it just hit me. I can talk a lot when I talk to my friends on IM and write emails, but in real life I usually keep my thoughts more to myself. I guess I like the computer better because my fingers can keep up to my mind. My mouth, on the other hand, spits out a jumbled mess in a very slow manner. Okay, I exaggerat a lot and really I can communicate fine, but I am more quiet then some others.

Please pray that I pass CS380 tomorrow morning. I need all the help that I can get in that course.

I can tell that I'm stressed by 2 things. First, I am even more quiet than usual, as Anne noticed tonight at dinner when she asked if I was feeling all right, and I take things more personaly. Plus, I keep chewing on things and breaking things such as pencils in my hands. When I'm stessed I destroy pencils, bite my nails, and chew on pens. I don't remember doing any of those things due to stress until I came to West Point.

I'm 3.5 hours through of 17.5 hours of exams in four days. One test and one day down. 4 tests and 3 days to go. Hopefully Mil Art is over and I never have to think about that class again. Yay! That's a nice thing about taking it a year earlier than most of my classmates.

My printer sucks! I never know if it is going to work properly or not. Somtimes is prints fine, and then other times it prints out garbage. I have to reinstall drivers all the time. Now it's printing out garbage, plus telling me that there is no paper in the tray when I just put more paper in there even though there was paper in there before. I've wasted so much paper on this stupid thing. Right now the copy function works fine, but last week it took me about an hour on my computer to try and get the scan funtion working again. It used to be an awesome printer. Now I'm tempted to see if it will fly.

I've been studying for CS380 for the past few hours and have barely made any progress. I still don't know or understand most of the material. The book is basicaly useless, my notes are basically useless, and I have no idea what the questions on the TEE will be like. I just need a 50% on the test to pass the course.

Tomorrow I have Mil Art in the afternoon. Tuesday I have CS380 in the morning. Wednesday I have CS403 and CS385, and then Thursday I have PL300 in the afternoon.

Tee week, fun, but stressfull. I can't wait till TEE leave when this is all over and I can get out of here.

Since I did so bad this past semester, didn't like my courses, and didn't understand them, I've dropped down from majoring in Computer Science, to a Field of Study. That means that next year I can take a lot of electives in classes I like. I won't have to worry about classes such as Operating Systems or Compilers. Hoepfuly the change will make life a lot better.

This morning I woke up and immediatly felt like any little thing today would set me off. Little things seemed to annoy me. However, I'm not one to explode, or even really express my anger or annoyance unless it is in a calm manner, or I am completely alone and can punch my matress to my hearts content. I guess I keep things bottled up, which is not a good thing. I then proceed to think about where I'm coming from as well as where the other person is coming from, if it is somehting involving somehtone else. Considering their viewpoint helps me stay calm and decrease any levels of emotion I'm feeling. If it still bothers me later, it is then I will talk to the person and in a more calm and rational mode tell them what is bothering me. The bad part is that sometimes I wait awhile and so a few things pile up and they all come out at once, but I'm more composed. I wonder what it'd be like to just blow up at someone. I don't even know if I could, because the whole time I would know that they most likely did not warrent everything and I was letting other factors interfere. When I do find myself getting annoyed or angry, I usually have to do a check of myself and see what other aspects of my life may be bothering me and leading unfairly towards my wanting to chew out someone. If there are other factors, then that is a definite sign I need to step back and deal with myself first.

No clue if any of that made sense. I'm going to bed.

Finally the last week of classes is here. Next week is tee week, followed by grad week, and then the summer. I just hope that I survive till then, and pass all of my classes.

Right now my name is up in the weight room in Arvin Gym for having the top 6000 meter erg time for women in the class of 2005 according to the Cow Fitness Challenge. Normally I'd think it was a cool thing, but this actually makes me a bit ashamed because my time is about a minute slower than the time of previous years. I'm almost convinced that I'll be replaced on the board after this last round.

Tomorrow there are no classes for Reading Day. It's a new thing, and so far we are all loving it. A day with no classes the week before TEE's. Time for sleep, study, relaxation, study, sleep, fun. Awesome.

This evening was the last OCF meeting for the year. It's so sad to have to say goodbye to the firsties as well as the S's. I don't want them to leave. I don't know what I'll do next year without them around.

I have a sractch on my arm from climbing a tree this evening. It was very peacefull and relaxing up in the tree, and I think I'll climb one here again sometime. When I was little I loved climbing the ones in my yard. Tonight I was wearing flip-flops when I climbed it, but I could hear my mom's voice in my head telling me not to climb tree's in flip-flops. Sorry Mom.

This evening for OCF we went over to the Schumachers house. It was a very fun time. For dinner Leah made mac and cheese, and Celio and MAJ S. grilled hamburgers and hotdogs. Today is Amanda's Birthday, so we all sang happy birthday to her. Then we had our Bible Study on Ephesians 5:5-21. After that Mrs. S. gave an abriviated version of a talk she gave this past weekend on water and light and the relationship they have to God. It was extremely interesting. I love talking to Mrs. S. She knows so much and is so helpful, and gets me to think, and helps me sort stuff out. I'll really miss all of them next year :(

We didn't get to go out on the water this mornign because the river was too low. The coaches were going to have us wade the boats in, but decided against it. They weren't afraid of us getting too cold in the water, although the water is barely above freezing, but instead their main concern was that it would be very muddy and the boats would get mud in the seat tracks.

My right ear hurts again and is a bit swollen on the inside. For some reason this is happening more and more often. By that I mean 3 or 4 times in the past year as compared to never before. I wonder what causes it.

Only two weeks of classes left. YAY! I just hope I pass all of them.

The regatta this past weekend was interesting to say the least. The water was horrible. On Saturday my race, the women's V8 race was the first one, and my boat was in the secon heat. In the first heat a boat actually swamped and I'm not sure if they have even recovered it from the lake yet. My race was the hardest race I've ever rowed. Waves were crashing over our head the whole time, I could only row half a stroke for probably 25% of the race, and I kept execting Dana to tell us to drop a pair. After the heats for our even they postponed the rest of the races until Sunday. On Sunday they ended up cancelling the whole regatta because the water was still horrible.

It was very nice seeing my parents and spending time with them. I wish I could see my family more often.

I think my gut instinct may be wrong for once, at least I hope that is the case. This time I confronted the situation and found no basis for the feeling. Perhaps it was just the chicken crispitos.

Not playing the violin in a few years certainly makes one's ability to play a bit rusty. Matt let me borrow his violin this evening and so I was trying to play a few pieces that I used to know. Although I knew the music in my head, my fingers were not following along very well. I managed to get some music I know off the internet and was trying to play it, but I was having trouble with that. One of the pieces my fingers had trouble finding the right notes, and so I just need more practice, but the other piece the music was a bit different than I remembered and so I had even more trouble. If I borrow Matt's violin more often, hopefully everything will start coming back to me.

I got my CS380 WPR back today and recieved an 83/100. My teacher ended up giving us all extra points for the last problem because so many people bombed it, but I still would have gotten a 70/100 with out those points. I now have a passing grade in the class. Praise God!

This coming weekend is the NY States regatta. My parents are coming to it. I can't wait to see them :)

Today was a very beautiful day. Crew practice was awesome. The scenery was gorgeous.

Is the year over yet?

What I should be doing right now is my reading for Mil Art, but instead I've been browsing the web and looking at different sites for the past 40 minutes. I'll get to Mil Art eventually. Tomorrow's lesson is about counterinsurgency with two readings: "A Strategy of Tactics" by Andrew Krepinevich, and "Evolution of Strategy" by GEN Westmoreland.

This afternoon Dana and I went for a short ruck march. Anne was supposed to come as well, but she was stuck at a social all afternoon for the scholarship class. Dana and I only did a little over 3 miles, but I increased my ruck to 59 lbs. CS books are definetly the way to go if you want to get the most weight in the ruck.

Recently I've had some interesting discussions with adam about how my mind works. I think a lot, but am not a real talkative person, although I do have my moments. Along with that, I over think a lot of things, but not the important things like homework. I'll sit and analyze something for hours, pondering it, questioning it, trying to figure it out, and figureing out the reason. If I try and explain it in words, I can't seem to get it out fast enough, or slow my thought process down enough so that I can express it. I get lost really easliy when I'm trying to explain stuff because all the while I'm thinking I'm also going off on little tangents in my head, and so trying to talk and also think about multiple things and once doesn't work. Writing is a little easier because I have time to pause, think some more, and go off in my different directions in my head before I come back to the main topic at hand.

The only thing I've found so far that I've found I like to study like that is the Bible and religous material. I read a small passage and it will send me off in some other direction, coming up with questions that I then think about and try and figure out, and eventually either I'll set the question aside for the moment, or else have looked into it enough where I've started to come up with an answer. Then I'll go back to the original passage and try and read a bit more, which will then set me off on another search. It takes me awhile to make it through anything, but I find the whole proccess rather enjoyable and I learn a lot.

Busy day today. Practice this morning went pretty well. First hour I spent doing the last bit of studying before my CS380 WPR second hour. The WPR didn't go so well. The last question especially killed me. All of us came out of it with a bad feeling.

This afternoon I went down to Ike with Shawn and picked up two vans for the crew team for our trip tomorrow. Then I headed up to the Commisary with Jamye to pick up food for the crew BBQ in the evening and breakfast sunday morning for the team. The crew BBQ seemed to go pretty well, and Lisa and Jamye, both firsties on the team my plebe year, were back to visit.

Adam's parents are here for the weekend, and later in the evening we all played a couple cribbage games together and sat around and talked for a bit. It was nice, although after the cribbage game I felt bad when I reverted back into my quiet self. They are very nice people and it was a fun evening.

I want to go camping again sometime. By that I mean camping in a tent, not in an rv, or in a patrol base. Just a relaxing camping trip in the woods, with a fire, in a tent, and no stress.

The Sandhurst competition is tomorrow. Beat the Brits!

Patriots this weekend.

We voted this afternoon at practice for next years captains, but they aren't announcing the results until Saturday evening.

The water was pretty bad again today and so we were on the erg. Coach had us doing 20 one minute pieces with one minute light rowing inbetween them, and 3 minutes of light rowing after the first 10 were finished. It was a real smoker, plus my times were horrible. At least he wasn't recording the scores today.

My CS380 teacher handed back our latest homework set. I got a 43/50 on it, probably because I was one of the few people who handed it in on time. I've calculated it and figured out that I need at least a 70/100 on my WPR on Friday to finally start to pass the class. If I somehow manage the impossible and get a 100/100, I'll have a C- in the class. Right now I'm less than 1% away from a passing grade. Lets hope it doesn't go down again.

Today was the spring Sosh Run. Although nobody rappeled off the roof of the barracks or set themselves on fire this year, there were a few decent costumes. I think the best was when one of the guys had the British Sandhurst team to carry him on their shoulders and then have the rest of the team marching along side with their rifles.

Sandhurst is this coming weekend, and once again I'll miss it because of a crew regatta. I think my company has a pretty good team this year.

Yesterday we had morning practice for Crew, and so Anne and I were going to go on a short, pretty light ruck march in the afternoon. We figured it'd be a good idea to start getting used to rucking again for this summer. Jen, one of our teammates who is going to Air Assualt this summer, sent out an email in the afternoon telling everyone that she was going on ruck march and invited anyone to join her. Anne, Jen, and I all ended up going on the Ruck march together. Our original plan of 3 miles soon turned into a 6 miler, which included going up some of the biggest hills, the biggest being the one up to stony lonesome. It was fun, but tireing. I weighed my ruck when I got back, and I'd been carrying 40 pounds. That's a little more than I would've normally started out with, but I was just stuffing my CS books into my ruck to make it heavy and didn't bother to weigh it before hand. Midway through the ruck march I realized two things, the first being that today I'm supposed to seat race, and the second being that I'm still on profile and not supposed to be doing somehting like that. It was a little late to do anthing about it, so I just continued on.

Today's the big day...1600-1800 is when it counts.

It was pretty obvious when Brian got engaged because almost all of the guys in my cs classes started ragging on him, but I was quite suprised at dinner tonight when Anthea congratulated Tyler on his engagment. Did I miss something in my cs classes today? There was a definet lack of guys making fun of him, except for one instance, but I don't think that had anything to do with him getting engaged. Perhaps I'm just slow.

It was in the 80's here today :) The weather would've made a great day to row on the river, but the water was horrible. There were huge swells and whitecaps. Perfect swamping water. We erged outside instead.

Last Thursday at dinner my table was multi-national. We had our two regular French cadets eating with us, and then a member of the British Royal Navy School, whatever it is called, also eating with us.

Yesterday, Adam and I went up to the PX and we bought a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle kite and then flew it outside. It was a great day to fly a kite.

Yesterday at the regatta Mike Bogdan came over and said hi. He goes to the Merchant Marine Academy and is on their crew team. In high school we had some mutual friends, but didn't really know each other. Now we run into each other at a few of the regattas. He told me that Jodi was engaged. Wow! Congratulations Jodi. I'm so bad at keeping in touch with people.

I really don't write in here very often anymore. Life's been crazy I guess. The days and weeks all blend together. Today at the regatta I had to ask two of my teammates if Easter was last Sunday or the Sunday before because everything was all blurred together. Although it's nice getting out of here on the weekends, I don't like the fact that I'm missing so much Church.

Mere Christianity is an awesome book. I started it in high school, but I don't think I made it past the first page. On Friday I started it on the bus ride to the regatta and have gotten so much out of it.

I got a passing grade on a CS380 project! It's only a c-, but it's better than a D or an F.

Freedom isn't free. (Sticker on my bookshelf)

Bedtime.

HE IS RISEN!!!!

Happy Easter :)

" Never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.''

-Winston Churchill

This morning after practice I was getting ready for class and started thinking about how much God has blessed me through those around me. There's Anne, my best friend, who's always there for dinner, ready to discuss any topic that comes up, and who is willing to give up eating desserts with me when we try and get in better shape, and there giving me a hug and going for a run with me when life hits the hard patches. He's blessed me through the Schumachers, who are truely amazing people. They are there to guide me in my Christian walk, offer advice, discuss life and the army, and invite me up to the house to talk, pray, and eat shrimp cocktail and chocolate chip cookies after my bf and I break up. There's Coach Hanlon, who is willing to work with me after practice in the tanks on rowing, and who's office I can stop by during the day and talk to about my fear about CS380. My CS380 teacher, who opens his office to me and patiently tries to explain the concepts to me over and over again. God's blessed me through my family, my parents, who I can call when I need to cry on the phone about something, who always keep me in their prayers, and send me boodle boxes when I need or want something. He's also blessed me with amazing friends, who are willing to travel up to the 6th floor to give me a hug, IM me a special message when things are getting rough, and make sure that I am making time for God. Even though it seems like I'm barely surviving right now in a lot of things, God has really shown his love for me through those he's put around me.

I'd probably post more often if I had bloggar working on this computer, but for some reason the version I have doesn't work anymore, and I've been to preoccupied, or too lazy, to reinstall it.

Racing season started. Fun fun fun.

I feel like I'm in survival mode, just trying to push it out until summer, or maybe even graduation, which is in a year and two months. I don't know what makes me happy anymore. Classes, no. Crew, at least I it allows me some time to escape from thinking, but still seems to cause more stress than relief a lot of times. Perhaps that will change since we're off the ergs and on the water now. Anyway, genral feeling is that I'm barely hanging on and each day is a constant struggle for survival.

The John Mayer concert last night was pretty good. Guster opened for him. Adam and I ended up leaving around 10 because I had to finish setting up my computer and all the other electronic stuff I have on my desk. Plus, sad to say, I was falling asleep.

Today I prepared the wrong lesson for CS380. That was pretty frustrating because I do try in that class, but it seems like I'm always making stupid mistakes and I have a lot of trouble grasping the concepts. I went in for AI again this afternoon and that helped some with the project. I'll be very glad when this class is behind me.

Really good talk to night.

Tired, so tired.

I hope that Anne's platapus is found. She lost him in Florida. We had a funny conversation about him on Saturday night when we stopped in Emporia VA for the night. Random thing: I thought it was really late when at 10 that night Jordan said she was driving back to Rocky Mount to pick up on of her friends who was stranded there, but it was only 10 at night. I asked her how far away it was and she said about 40 miles. That seemed so far to me and especially to be driving that far that late at night, BUT IT WAS ONLY 10pm. Funny how things change. I miss spring break and all of the sleep, and it's only the first day back.

On another note, I don't want to live in NC, SC, Georgia, or FL. Northern VA would be okay, but only because it is a little hilly. I want to live where there are hills, or small mountains. So basically, no to the south.

Does spring break have to end? Tomorrow morning we start the drive back to school. The week has gone by fast, but it's been very relaxing. Basically all I did this week was sleep, row, and eat. There was lots of sleeping. Just about every night I've been in bed by 11, if not earlier, and today was the one day that I didn't take a 2-3 hour nap between practices. This morning at practice I saw millions of little jelly fish in the water, and also an alligator. The alligator was kinda scary since I've never seen an real on in the wild before this week.

I can't say that I'm looking forward to going back. I'm happy about getting to see Adam, and going to the John Mayer concert on Sunday night, but the work load is going to be a killer. It seems like I have a ton of projects and papers due in the next week or two.

Time to get to bed. Yeah, I'm a real party animal....or not.

So far spring break is pretty fun, except for some of the practices. Today we had practice at 6am and then had the afternoon off to go do whatever we wanted. It was nice to only have one practice instead of the usual morning and afternoon practice. Anne, Ana, Beth and I went to the Kennedy Space Center after we hit up IHOP after practice. The space center was fun, except it was during our usual between practice nap time, and so we were all pretty tired. In the evening some Captains staying at the same hotel as us cooked steakes by the pool and invited any of us who wanted to to join them. It was pretty fun, and the steaks were good. The main advice the officers all seemed to give was to not get married right after graduation. That seemed to be the theme of the day both in conversations with my friends and then at the cook-out. I don't really rememeber how my friends and I got started on the topic earlier, but once again the statistic that 75% of all marriages up to 18 months after graduation end in divorce. Last time I heard it, it was only 70% and 1 year, but the point still stands.

Happy St. Patricks Day.

Yay! I am now $30,000 in debt as of this morning. What am I going to do with all that money that I have all of a sudden, nothing for right now. Hopefully I'll start to invest it after I get back from spring break. Unlike a lot of my classmates, I am not planning to blow it on spring break, or buy a car...for now. Adam bought a car, so I'll mooch off him for it, that is, if I bring my CS380 grade up and have any time free from crew. Tthe cow loan is where they practically just give every cow $30,000 because it's a 1% interest loan that we don't start paying off until we graduate, and then it is over 5 years. In high school I thought it sounded so cool and was really excited about it. Now I don't care that much. My plan of action for right now is to forget I have it and continue to only use my paycheck money.

Tomorrow morning I leave with the crew team for spring break training in Florida. Yay! My parents are coming down and so I get to see them. Yay! No classes for a week. YAY!!! No seeing Adam for a week...sad. Hanging out with some of my best friends for a week. Yay!

Happy Founders Day.

Apple, peaches, pumpkin pie, who's not ready holler 'I'.

Good news! One of my TL's wasn't found on honor at his honor board yesterday. Very happy about that one.

We leave for Florida the day after tomorrow. Tomorrow is the last day of classes before spring break, today I have CCQ, and in an hour I have a PL300 WPR. Anne leaves tomorrow to go do her Truman interview in Ohio. I hope that goes really well for her.

I just made a connection between everyone cramming to get their sosh papers done before 1600 today and the sosh run. I guess I hadn't realized that it was today. Now I'm kinda sad that I have to miss it :( Oh well. I hope everyone gets theirs done on time.

Tomorrow is the big day. $30,000 at 1% interest. Yay for the Cow Loan.

Please pray for me and that I understand and pass CS380. Right now I don't know if I will pass. The concepts make no sense to me. I now understand why I am NOT an EE major.

The good news is that I apparently don't have a stress fracture in my foot. The bad news is that they aren't quite sure what is wrong. Apprently it may have something to do with the Lisfrancs joint. I had two sets of x-rays taken and on the 24th I have to go to a hospital off post to get a bone scan done. The doctor put me on a 60 day no running, jumping, marching, long standing, or apft profile. Yuck. He also said I could wear softshoes if they were more comfertable, but I don't think they really make a difference, so I'm sticking to regular low quaters. The upside is that I can still row.

I wasn't a really a baby blanket kid. Instead, I really liked to carry around those cloth diapers...the clean kind of course. Just call me wierd. Anyway, now I really do like blankets. They are so nice to cuddle up in, or with, as long as they aren't scratchy. Adam has a quilt that I really like and I'd joked with him about trying to steal it, and so last night I was over in his room and when I was leaving I pretended to try and carry it out with me. He of course saw me and I tried to give it back to him, but he knows I really like it, and so he's actually letting me keep it in my room for awhile. Yay :)

3 and a butt days till spring break :) Now if it would just stop snowing here.

4 days, only 4 days till Spring break. I have a feeling that it will be a very long 4 days. Spring break this year is going to be once again spent training with the crew team in Florida. I'm really looking forward to it, especially since my parents are coming down.

Last week I found out my summer assignment.
2 June - 2 July: Engineer CTLT at Fort Bragg, NC
3 July - 24 July: Home/ family vacation
25 July - 12 Aug: Small Unit Leadership Training (SMULT) at Fort Bragg, NC

The SMULT is also known as Robin Sage. This is an email from a cadet who did it last year:

"First it was a great experience, unlike no other I have had or probably will have. As females you never get to train with special forces, so this was a unique opportunity. The training is not hard, you really just do missions with the special ops. You are in the field the whole time though, I was out there for 13 days, but its not bad, the guys are really cool and you do cool missions, like 24hr recons and stuff. You get to kill your own chicken too. You learn a lot about how things should be from them too. They see things from a whole other perspective. You gain an appreciation and knowledge for what they do. They love to talk and tell stories.And they are soo cool, like I was calling officers by their first names because that’s how think things should be. It’s a very relaxed field environment too. No k-pots or anything, you carry an M-4 and wear black BDU's. its really cool. You can always do airborne or AA, but you will never be able to do this, so take advantage. Hope this helps, if you need anything else do not hesitate to ask. Best of luck!!"

Anne and Jamie also have it. I'm really looking forward to my summer now.

On a bit of a lower note, in 6 hours I'm going to have my foot looked at. I think I may have a stress fracture. It's been hurting for about 5 weeks now, and hasn't gotten any better. At least rowing doesn't seem to affect it at all.

MS = Maximum Suckfest

Military Science class is the bane of most cadets here. Yes, we do go to a military academy, but that does not mean that we were granted with some gift of knowledge and suddenly able to spit out perfect Warning Orders and OPORDs with barley any teaching. MS is where the Thayer method is most implemented, but in the worst way possible. Their teaching method is to give us a homework assignment, one very vague reference, and then fail us after we don't meet their detailed grading criteria. No joking, I'm pretty sure that more than half the Corps has a C or below in the class, and probably 25% are at a D or F. It is only after we fail that we find out what they were looking for, and what we were miraculously supposed to have known without any teaching on the subject or any real way to find out what they wanted. Somehow tonight I have to come up with the perfect concept of operation and scheme of manuever for a tank platoon defending against an enemy motorized rifle company. I have absolutily no training on tank platoons, and so therefore have no clue how to write a very detailed description on how I plan to destroy the enemy. I'll do my best, but until an hour ago I didn't even know the organization of a tank platoon. Hopefully, after failing the WARNO and only then being told how to write one, I won't do as bad on the Situatin and Mission.

To top it all off, the class is only worth 0.5 credits. However, it does play a very significant part in your class rank when everything works out. But seriosly, I've been working on the OPORD I have due tomorrow for 3 hours, and I still have a long way to go, and it's only worth 50 points. AUGH!

Wow! It's a Title

2k time again.....

Yes, I realize the above post has no correlation to the title.

It is so nice out today, and was so nice out yesterday. Right now the temp is 63 degrees, there is nice breeze, and blue sky. Spring is poking it's head in the door at long last. It's great kite flying weather.

What is not so nice is not knowing my summer assignment. Am I going to Florida with the crew team over spring break to train there, or going to Fort Benning to do a CQC MIAD. What I'm scared of is being stuck with Air Assault, not passing it, therefore not being able to row in the fall, and then missing out on spring break training next year with the crew team. I'd rather just do CQC right now and get that requirement out of the way, plus do some awesome training. However, if I tell my coach's that is what I want to do instead of train in Florida I feel like I'm letting down the team and putting my own self-interests above the team, especially with so few varsity girls actually going on spring break this year.

This morning after practice Coach pulled me aside and asked me if I would be the S1 for next year. I'm not sure what all that entails, but I agreed to it.

On Sunday I went to see The Passion. It was moving. Other than that I don't know how to describe it. It does not fit into the terms "It was a good movie" or "It was a bad movie." I'll just say It was.