I passed!

I think I figured out how I communicate best. It's by computer. Yikes! Does that make me a really nerdy person who spends there waking hours in chat rooms, eating junk food, and getting out of shape, while being anti-social in real life? I sure hope not. Anyway, it just hit me. I can talk a lot when I talk to my friends on IM and write emails, but in real life I usually keep my thoughts more to myself. I guess I like the computer better because my fingers can keep up to my mind. My mouth, on the other hand, spits out a jumbled mess in a very slow manner. Okay, I exaggerat a lot and really I can communicate fine, but I am more quiet then some others.

Please pray that I pass CS380 tomorrow morning. I need all the help that I can get in that course.

I can tell that I'm stressed by 2 things. First, I am even more quiet than usual, as Anne noticed tonight at dinner when she asked if I was feeling all right, and I take things more personaly. Plus, I keep chewing on things and breaking things such as pencils in my hands. When I'm stessed I destroy pencils, bite my nails, and chew on pens. I don't remember doing any of those things due to stress until I came to West Point.

I'm 3.5 hours through of 17.5 hours of exams in four days. One test and one day down. 4 tests and 3 days to go. Hopefully Mil Art is over and I never have to think about that class again. Yay! That's a nice thing about taking it a year earlier than most of my classmates.

My printer sucks! I never know if it is going to work properly or not. Somtimes is prints fine, and then other times it prints out garbage. I have to reinstall drivers all the time. Now it's printing out garbage, plus telling me that there is no paper in the tray when I just put more paper in there even though there was paper in there before. I've wasted so much paper on this stupid thing. Right now the copy function works fine, but last week it took me about an hour on my computer to try and get the scan funtion working again. It used to be an awesome printer. Now I'm tempted to see if it will fly.

I've been studying for CS380 for the past few hours and have barely made any progress. I still don't know or understand most of the material. The book is basicaly useless, my notes are basically useless, and I have no idea what the questions on the TEE will be like. I just need a 50% on the test to pass the course.

Tomorrow I have Mil Art in the afternoon. Tuesday I have CS380 in the morning. Wednesday I have CS403 and CS385, and then Thursday I have PL300 in the afternoon.

Tee week, fun, but stressfull. I can't wait till TEE leave when this is all over and I can get out of here.

Since I did so bad this past semester, didn't like my courses, and didn't understand them, I've dropped down from majoring in Computer Science, to a Field of Study. That means that next year I can take a lot of electives in classes I like. I won't have to worry about classes such as Operating Systems or Compilers. Hoepfuly the change will make life a lot better.

This morning I woke up and immediatly felt like any little thing today would set me off. Little things seemed to annoy me. However, I'm not one to explode, or even really express my anger or annoyance unless it is in a calm manner, or I am completely alone and can punch my matress to my hearts content. I guess I keep things bottled up, which is not a good thing. I then proceed to think about where I'm coming from as well as where the other person is coming from, if it is somehting involving somehtone else. Considering their viewpoint helps me stay calm and decrease any levels of emotion I'm feeling. If it still bothers me later, it is then I will talk to the person and in a more calm and rational mode tell them what is bothering me. The bad part is that sometimes I wait awhile and so a few things pile up and they all come out at once, but I'm more composed. I wonder what it'd be like to just blow up at someone. I don't even know if I could, because the whole time I would know that they most likely did not warrent everything and I was letting other factors interfere. When I do find myself getting annoyed or angry, I usually have to do a check of myself and see what other aspects of my life may be bothering me and leading unfairly towards my wanting to chew out someone. If there are other factors, then that is a definite sign I need to step back and deal with myself first.

No clue if any of that made sense. I'm going to bed.

Finally the last week of classes is here. Next week is tee week, followed by grad week, and then the summer. I just hope that I survive till then, and pass all of my classes.

Right now my name is up in the weight room in Arvin Gym for having the top 6000 meter erg time for women in the class of 2005 according to the Cow Fitness Challenge. Normally I'd think it was a cool thing, but this actually makes me a bit ashamed because my time is about a minute slower than the time of previous years. I'm almost convinced that I'll be replaced on the board after this last round.

Tomorrow there are no classes for Reading Day. It's a new thing, and so far we are all loving it. A day with no classes the week before TEE's. Time for sleep, study, relaxation, study, sleep, fun. Awesome.

This evening was the last OCF meeting for the year. It's so sad to have to say goodbye to the firsties as well as the S's. I don't want them to leave. I don't know what I'll do next year without them around.

I have a sractch on my arm from climbing a tree this evening. It was very peacefull and relaxing up in the tree, and I think I'll climb one here again sometime. When I was little I loved climbing the ones in my yard. Tonight I was wearing flip-flops when I climbed it, but I could hear my mom's voice in my head telling me not to climb tree's in flip-flops. Sorry Mom.

This evening for OCF we went over to the Schumachers house. It was a very fun time. For dinner Leah made mac and cheese, and Celio and MAJ S. grilled hamburgers and hotdogs. Today is Amanda's Birthday, so we all sang happy birthday to her. Then we had our Bible Study on Ephesians 5:5-21. After that Mrs. S. gave an abriviated version of a talk she gave this past weekend on water and light and the relationship they have to God. It was extremely interesting. I love talking to Mrs. S. She knows so much and is so helpful, and gets me to think, and helps me sort stuff out. I'll really miss all of them next year :(

We didn't get to go out on the water this mornign because the river was too low. The coaches were going to have us wade the boats in, but decided against it. They weren't afraid of us getting too cold in the water, although the water is barely above freezing, but instead their main concern was that it would be very muddy and the boats would get mud in the seat tracks.

My right ear hurts again and is a bit swollen on the inside. For some reason this is happening more and more often. By that I mean 3 or 4 times in the past year as compared to never before. I wonder what causes it.

Only two weeks of classes left. YAY! I just hope I pass all of them.

The regatta this past weekend was interesting to say the least. The water was horrible. On Saturday my race, the women's V8 race was the first one, and my boat was in the secon heat. In the first heat a boat actually swamped and I'm not sure if they have even recovered it from the lake yet. My race was the hardest race I've ever rowed. Waves were crashing over our head the whole time, I could only row half a stroke for probably 25% of the race, and I kept execting Dana to tell us to drop a pair. After the heats for our even they postponed the rest of the races until Sunday. On Sunday they ended up cancelling the whole regatta because the water was still horrible.

It was very nice seeing my parents and spending time with them. I wish I could see my family more often.

I think my gut instinct may be wrong for once, at least I hope that is the case. This time I confronted the situation and found no basis for the feeling. Perhaps it was just the chicken crispitos.

Not playing the violin in a few years certainly makes one's ability to play a bit rusty. Matt let me borrow his violin this evening and so I was trying to play a few pieces that I used to know. Although I knew the music in my head, my fingers were not following along very well. I managed to get some music I know off the internet and was trying to play it, but I was having trouble with that. One of the pieces my fingers had trouble finding the right notes, and so I just need more practice, but the other piece the music was a bit different than I remembered and so I had even more trouble. If I borrow Matt's violin more often, hopefully everything will start coming back to me.

I got my CS380 WPR back today and recieved an 83/100. My teacher ended up giving us all extra points for the last problem because so many people bombed it, but I still would have gotten a 70/100 with out those points. I now have a passing grade in the class. Praise God!

This coming weekend is the NY States regatta. My parents are coming to it. I can't wait to see them :)

Today was a very beautiful day. Crew practice was awesome. The scenery was gorgeous.

Is the year over yet?

What I should be doing right now is my reading for Mil Art, but instead I've been browsing the web and looking at different sites for the past 40 minutes. I'll get to Mil Art eventually. Tomorrow's lesson is about counterinsurgency with two readings: "A Strategy of Tactics" by Andrew Krepinevich, and "Evolution of Strategy" by GEN Westmoreland.

This afternoon Dana and I went for a short ruck march. Anne was supposed to come as well, but she was stuck at a social all afternoon for the scholarship class. Dana and I only did a little over 3 miles, but I increased my ruck to 59 lbs. CS books are definetly the way to go if you want to get the most weight in the ruck.

Recently I've had some interesting discussions with adam about how my mind works. I think a lot, but am not a real talkative person, although I do have my moments. Along with that, I over think a lot of things, but not the important things like homework. I'll sit and analyze something for hours, pondering it, questioning it, trying to figure it out, and figureing out the reason. If I try and explain it in words, I can't seem to get it out fast enough, or slow my thought process down enough so that I can express it. I get lost really easliy when I'm trying to explain stuff because all the while I'm thinking I'm also going off on little tangents in my head, and so trying to talk and also think about multiple things and once doesn't work. Writing is a little easier because I have time to pause, think some more, and go off in my different directions in my head before I come back to the main topic at hand.

The only thing I've found so far that I've found I like to study like that is the Bible and religous material. I read a small passage and it will send me off in some other direction, coming up with questions that I then think about and try and figure out, and eventually either I'll set the question aside for the moment, or else have looked into it enough where I've started to come up with an answer. Then I'll go back to the original passage and try and read a bit more, which will then set me off on another search. It takes me awhile to make it through anything, but I find the whole proccess rather enjoyable and I learn a lot.

Busy day today. Practice this morning went pretty well. First hour I spent doing the last bit of studying before my CS380 WPR second hour. The WPR didn't go so well. The last question especially killed me. All of us came out of it with a bad feeling.

This afternoon I went down to Ike with Shawn and picked up two vans for the crew team for our trip tomorrow. Then I headed up to the Commisary with Jamye to pick up food for the crew BBQ in the evening and breakfast sunday morning for the team. The crew BBQ seemed to go pretty well, and Lisa and Jamye, both firsties on the team my plebe year, were back to visit.

Adam's parents are here for the weekend, and later in the evening we all played a couple cribbage games together and sat around and talked for a bit. It was nice, although after the cribbage game I felt bad when I reverted back into my quiet self. They are very nice people and it was a fun evening.

I want to go camping again sometime. By that I mean camping in a tent, not in an rv, or in a patrol base. Just a relaxing camping trip in the woods, with a fire, in a tent, and no stress.

The Sandhurst competition is tomorrow. Beat the Brits!

Patriots this weekend.

We voted this afternoon at practice for next years captains, but they aren't announcing the results until Saturday evening.

The water was pretty bad again today and so we were on the erg. Coach had us doing 20 one minute pieces with one minute light rowing inbetween them, and 3 minutes of light rowing after the first 10 were finished. It was a real smoker, plus my times were horrible. At least he wasn't recording the scores today.

My CS380 teacher handed back our latest homework set. I got a 43/50 on it, probably because I was one of the few people who handed it in on time. I've calculated it and figured out that I need at least a 70/100 on my WPR on Friday to finally start to pass the class. If I somehow manage the impossible and get a 100/100, I'll have a C- in the class. Right now I'm less than 1% away from a passing grade. Lets hope it doesn't go down again.

Today was the spring Sosh Run. Although nobody rappeled off the roof of the barracks or set themselves on fire this year, there were a few decent costumes. I think the best was when one of the guys had the British Sandhurst team to carry him on their shoulders and then have the rest of the team marching along side with their rifles.

Sandhurst is this coming weekend, and once again I'll miss it because of a crew regatta. I think my company has a pretty good team this year.

Yesterday we had morning practice for Crew, and so Anne and I were going to go on a short, pretty light ruck march in the afternoon. We figured it'd be a good idea to start getting used to rucking again for this summer. Jen, one of our teammates who is going to Air Assualt this summer, sent out an email in the afternoon telling everyone that she was going on ruck march and invited anyone to join her. Anne, Jen, and I all ended up going on the Ruck march together. Our original plan of 3 miles soon turned into a 6 miler, which included going up some of the biggest hills, the biggest being the one up to stony lonesome. It was fun, but tireing. I weighed my ruck when I got back, and I'd been carrying 40 pounds. That's a little more than I would've normally started out with, but I was just stuffing my CS books into my ruck to make it heavy and didn't bother to weigh it before hand. Midway through the ruck march I realized two things, the first being that today I'm supposed to seat race, and the second being that I'm still on profile and not supposed to be doing somehting like that. It was a little late to do anthing about it, so I just continued on.

Today's the big day...1600-1800 is when it counts.

It was pretty obvious when Brian got engaged because almost all of the guys in my cs classes started ragging on him, but I was quite suprised at dinner tonight when Anthea congratulated Tyler on his engagment. Did I miss something in my cs classes today? There was a definet lack of guys making fun of him, except for one instance, but I don't think that had anything to do with him getting engaged. Perhaps I'm just slow.

It was in the 80's here today :) The weather would've made a great day to row on the river, but the water was horrible. There were huge swells and whitecaps. Perfect swamping water. We erged outside instead.

Last Thursday at dinner my table was multi-national. We had our two regular French cadets eating with us, and then a member of the British Royal Navy School, whatever it is called, also eating with us.

Yesterday, Adam and I went up to the PX and we bought a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle kite and then flew it outside. It was a great day to fly a kite.

Yesterday at the regatta Mike Bogdan came over and said hi. He goes to the Merchant Marine Academy and is on their crew team. In high school we had some mutual friends, but didn't really know each other. Now we run into each other at a few of the regattas. He told me that Jodi was engaged. Wow! Congratulations Jodi. I'm so bad at keeping in touch with people.

I really don't write in here very often anymore. Life's been crazy I guess. The days and weeks all blend together. Today at the regatta I had to ask two of my teammates if Easter was last Sunday or the Sunday before because everything was all blurred together. Although it's nice getting out of here on the weekends, I don't like the fact that I'm missing so much Church.

Mere Christianity is an awesome book. I started it in high school, but I don't think I made it past the first page. On Friday I started it on the bus ride to the regatta and have gotten so much out of it.

I got a passing grade on a CS380 project! It's only a c-, but it's better than a D or an F.

Freedom isn't free. (Sticker on my bookshelf)

Bedtime.

HE IS RISEN!!!!

Happy Easter :)

" Never, never, in nothing great or small, large or petty, never give in except to convictions of honour and good sense. Never yield to force; never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.''

-Winston Churchill

This morning after practice I was getting ready for class and started thinking about how much God has blessed me through those around me. There's Anne, my best friend, who's always there for dinner, ready to discuss any topic that comes up, and who is willing to give up eating desserts with me when we try and get in better shape, and there giving me a hug and going for a run with me when life hits the hard patches. He's blessed me through the Schumachers, who are truely amazing people. They are there to guide me in my Christian walk, offer advice, discuss life and the army, and invite me up to the house to talk, pray, and eat shrimp cocktail and chocolate chip cookies after my bf and I break up. There's Coach Hanlon, who is willing to work with me after practice in the tanks on rowing, and who's office I can stop by during the day and talk to about my fear about CS380. My CS380 teacher, who opens his office to me and patiently tries to explain the concepts to me over and over again. God's blessed me through my family, my parents, who I can call when I need to cry on the phone about something, who always keep me in their prayers, and send me boodle boxes when I need or want something. He's also blessed me with amazing friends, who are willing to travel up to the 6th floor to give me a hug, IM me a special message when things are getting rough, and make sure that I am making time for God. Even though it seems like I'm barely surviving right now in a lot of things, God has really shown his love for me through those he's put around me.

I'd probably post more often if I had bloggar working on this computer, but for some reason the version I have doesn't work anymore, and I've been to preoccupied, or too lazy, to reinstall it.

Racing season started. Fun fun fun.

I feel like I'm in survival mode, just trying to push it out until summer, or maybe even graduation, which is in a year and two months. I don't know what makes me happy anymore. Classes, no. Crew, at least I it allows me some time to escape from thinking, but still seems to cause more stress than relief a lot of times. Perhaps that will change since we're off the ergs and on the water now. Anyway, genral feeling is that I'm barely hanging on and each day is a constant struggle for survival.

The John Mayer concert last night was pretty good. Guster opened for him. Adam and I ended up leaving around 10 because I had to finish setting up my computer and all the other electronic stuff I have on my desk. Plus, sad to say, I was falling asleep.

Today I prepared the wrong lesson for CS380. That was pretty frustrating because I do try in that class, but it seems like I'm always making stupid mistakes and I have a lot of trouble grasping the concepts. I went in for AI again this afternoon and that helped some with the project. I'll be very glad when this class is behind me.

Really good talk to night.

Tired, so tired.

I hope that Anne's platapus is found. She lost him in Florida. We had a funny conversation about him on Saturday night when we stopped in Emporia VA for the night. Random thing: I thought it was really late when at 10 that night Jordan said she was driving back to Rocky Mount to pick up on of her friends who was stranded there, but it was only 10 at night. I asked her how far away it was and she said about 40 miles. That seemed so far to me and especially to be driving that far that late at night, BUT IT WAS ONLY 10pm. Funny how things change. I miss spring break and all of the sleep, and it's only the first day back.

On another note, I don't want to live in NC, SC, Georgia, or FL. Northern VA would be okay, but only because it is a little hilly. I want to live where there are hills, or small mountains. So basically, no to the south.

Does spring break have to end? Tomorrow morning we start the drive back to school. The week has gone by fast, but it's been very relaxing. Basically all I did this week was sleep, row, and eat. There was lots of sleeping. Just about every night I've been in bed by 11, if not earlier, and today was the one day that I didn't take a 2-3 hour nap between practices. This morning at practice I saw millions of little jelly fish in the water, and also an alligator. The alligator was kinda scary since I've never seen an real on in the wild before this week.

I can't say that I'm looking forward to going back. I'm happy about getting to see Adam, and going to the John Mayer concert on Sunday night, but the work load is going to be a killer. It seems like I have a ton of projects and papers due in the next week or two.

Time to get to bed. Yeah, I'm a real party animal....or not.

So far spring break is pretty fun, except for some of the practices. Today we had practice at 6am and then had the afternoon off to go do whatever we wanted. It was nice to only have one practice instead of the usual morning and afternoon practice. Anne, Ana, Beth and I went to the Kennedy Space Center after we hit up IHOP after practice. The space center was fun, except it was during our usual between practice nap time, and so we were all pretty tired. In the evening some Captains staying at the same hotel as us cooked steakes by the pool and invited any of us who wanted to to join them. It was pretty fun, and the steaks were good. The main advice the officers all seemed to give was to not get married right after graduation. That seemed to be the theme of the day both in conversations with my friends and then at the cook-out. I don't really rememeber how my friends and I got started on the topic earlier, but once again the statistic that 75% of all marriages up to 18 months after graduation end in divorce. Last time I heard it, it was only 70% and 1 year, but the point still stands.

Happy St. Patricks Day.

Yay! I am now $30,000 in debt as of this morning. What am I going to do with all that money that I have all of a sudden, nothing for right now. Hopefully I'll start to invest it after I get back from spring break. Unlike a lot of my classmates, I am not planning to blow it on spring break, or buy a car...for now. Adam bought a car, so I'll mooch off him for it, that is, if I bring my CS380 grade up and have any time free from crew. Tthe cow loan is where they practically just give every cow $30,000 because it's a 1% interest loan that we don't start paying off until we graduate, and then it is over 5 years. In high school I thought it sounded so cool and was really excited about it. Now I don't care that much. My plan of action for right now is to forget I have it and continue to only use my paycheck money.

Tomorrow morning I leave with the crew team for spring break training in Florida. Yay! My parents are coming down and so I get to see them. Yay! No classes for a week. YAY!!! No seeing Adam for a week...sad. Hanging out with some of my best friends for a week. Yay!

Happy Founders Day.

Apple, peaches, pumpkin pie, who's not ready holler 'I'.

Good news! One of my TL's wasn't found on honor at his honor board yesterday. Very happy about that one.

We leave for Florida the day after tomorrow. Tomorrow is the last day of classes before spring break, today I have CCQ, and in an hour I have a PL300 WPR. Anne leaves tomorrow to go do her Truman interview in Ohio. I hope that goes really well for her.

I just made a connection between everyone cramming to get their sosh papers done before 1600 today and the sosh run. I guess I hadn't realized that it was today. Now I'm kinda sad that I have to miss it :( Oh well. I hope everyone gets theirs done on time.

Tomorrow is the big day. $30,000 at 1% interest. Yay for the Cow Loan.

Please pray for me and that I understand and pass CS380. Right now I don't know if I will pass. The concepts make no sense to me. I now understand why I am NOT an EE major.

The good news is that I apparently don't have a stress fracture in my foot. The bad news is that they aren't quite sure what is wrong. Apprently it may have something to do with the Lisfrancs joint. I had two sets of x-rays taken and on the 24th I have to go to a hospital off post to get a bone scan done. The doctor put me on a 60 day no running, jumping, marching, long standing, or apft profile. Yuck. He also said I could wear softshoes if they were more comfertable, but I don't think they really make a difference, so I'm sticking to regular low quaters. The upside is that I can still row.

I wasn't a really a baby blanket kid. Instead, I really liked to carry around those cloth diapers...the clean kind of course. Just call me wierd. Anyway, now I really do like blankets. They are so nice to cuddle up in, or with, as long as they aren't scratchy. Adam has a quilt that I really like and I'd joked with him about trying to steal it, and so last night I was over in his room and when I was leaving I pretended to try and carry it out with me. He of course saw me and I tried to give it back to him, but he knows I really like it, and so he's actually letting me keep it in my room for awhile. Yay :)

3 and a butt days till spring break :) Now if it would just stop snowing here.

4 days, only 4 days till Spring break. I have a feeling that it will be a very long 4 days. Spring break this year is going to be once again spent training with the crew team in Florida. I'm really looking forward to it, especially since my parents are coming down.

Last week I found out my summer assignment.
2 June - 2 July: Engineer CTLT at Fort Bragg, NC
3 July - 24 July: Home/ family vacation
25 July - 12 Aug: Small Unit Leadership Training (SMULT) at Fort Bragg, NC

The SMULT is also known as Robin Sage. This is an email from a cadet who did it last year:

"First it was a great experience, unlike no other I have had or probably will have. As females you never get to train with special forces, so this was a unique opportunity. The training is not hard, you really just do missions with the special ops. You are in the field the whole time though, I was out there for 13 days, but its not bad, the guys are really cool and you do cool missions, like 24hr recons and stuff. You get to kill your own chicken too. You learn a lot about how things should be from them too. They see things from a whole other perspective. You gain an appreciation and knowledge for what they do. They love to talk and tell stories.And they are soo cool, like I was calling officers by their first names because that’s how think things should be. It’s a very relaxed field environment too. No k-pots or anything, you carry an M-4 and wear black BDU's. its really cool. You can always do airborne or AA, but you will never be able to do this, so take advantage. Hope this helps, if you need anything else do not hesitate to ask. Best of luck!!"

Anne and Jamie also have it. I'm really looking forward to my summer now.

On a bit of a lower note, in 6 hours I'm going to have my foot looked at. I think I may have a stress fracture. It's been hurting for about 5 weeks now, and hasn't gotten any better. At least rowing doesn't seem to affect it at all.

MS = Maximum Suckfest

Military Science class is the bane of most cadets here. Yes, we do go to a military academy, but that does not mean that we were granted with some gift of knowledge and suddenly able to spit out perfect Warning Orders and OPORDs with barley any teaching. MS is where the Thayer method is most implemented, but in the worst way possible. Their teaching method is to give us a homework assignment, one very vague reference, and then fail us after we don't meet their detailed grading criteria. No joking, I'm pretty sure that more than half the Corps has a C or below in the class, and probably 25% are at a D or F. It is only after we fail that we find out what they were looking for, and what we were miraculously supposed to have known without any teaching on the subject or any real way to find out what they wanted. Somehow tonight I have to come up with the perfect concept of operation and scheme of manuever for a tank platoon defending against an enemy motorized rifle company. I have absolutily no training on tank platoons, and so therefore have no clue how to write a very detailed description on how I plan to destroy the enemy. I'll do my best, but until an hour ago I didn't even know the organization of a tank platoon. Hopefully, after failing the WARNO and only then being told how to write one, I won't do as bad on the Situatin and Mission.

To top it all off, the class is only worth 0.5 credits. However, it does play a very significant part in your class rank when everything works out. But seriosly, I've been working on the OPORD I have due tomorrow for 3 hours, and I still have a long way to go, and it's only worth 50 points. AUGH!

Wow! It's a Title

2k time again.....

Yes, I realize the above post has no correlation to the title.

It is so nice out today, and was so nice out yesterday. Right now the temp is 63 degrees, there is nice breeze, and blue sky. Spring is poking it's head in the door at long last. It's great kite flying weather.

What is not so nice is not knowing my summer assignment. Am I going to Florida with the crew team over spring break to train there, or going to Fort Benning to do a CQC MIAD. What I'm scared of is being stuck with Air Assault, not passing it, therefore not being able to row in the fall, and then missing out on spring break training next year with the crew team. I'd rather just do CQC right now and get that requirement out of the way, plus do some awesome training. However, if I tell my coach's that is what I want to do instead of train in Florida I feel like I'm letting down the team and putting my own self-interests above the team, especially with so few varsity girls actually going on spring break this year.

This morning after practice Coach pulled me aside and asked me if I would be the S1 for next year. I'm not sure what all that entails, but I agreed to it.

On Sunday I went to see The Passion. It was moving. Other than that I don't know how to describe it. It does not fit into the terms "It was a good movie" or "It was a bad movie." I'll just say It was.

I am very frustrated. I do not understand CS308 Computer Organization, or CS385 Design and Analysis of Algorithms. In CS385 the book doesn't make sense, the teacher doesn't make sense, and I am totally clueless. AAAAHHH! I don't understand VHDL code, although I am starting to grasp the concept of the project that I have due in, oh, 16 hours. This is so very frustrating. Why do I suck at this so much? Did I choose the wrong major? Am I magically supposed to have figured out how to code everything and prove everything on my own, so that all they have to teach me is how to undertand the concept of the problem?

In PL300 we learn that challenging people is good because it makes them more preductive. However, I am being challenged to the point where I want to just give up and throw my books out the window. These aren't brain stimulating problems for me, they are brain crushing, overload that leave me a psychotic mess with no work done at all because I don't even understand half of what the problem is asking.

Do I care about QuickSort, or the 3 billion other sorting techniques I supposeldy learned. No way! Why? Because who cares if it is NlogN or N^2. Big O-notation, inductive proofs, substitution method, dynamic progaming. What is dynamic programing? It's my teacher standing up at the board writing more stuff down with little boxes filled with numbers and different number trees, while I sit there trying to understand one tiny bit of what he is saying, and failing horrible. I must be as dumb as a rock. The book offers little to absolutely no help. And even if I can find the topic I'm looking for in it, I don't understand how the book is trying to explain it to me.

Basically, those classes suck for me and are making my life miserable. I needed to vent, or else I would be testing my algorithms book to see if it had wings as I threw it out the window.

YAY! Anne is a Truman Scholarship finalist. She goes for her final interview in March. She's one of my best friends, and my dinner buddy. It's so cool being able to say I know her. It's quite a privalige. Way to go, Anne! Good luck with the Rhoades, Marshall, and everything else next year. Better you than me. Truman Finalists

The Toby Keith concert was awesome. It was the best one I've been to here so far, of course the only other ones I've only seen here are Dave Matthews and OAR. The Sunday we get back from Spring Break John Mayer is coming here and having a concert. Adam and I went and got tickets for that one as well. A few songs into the concert tonight Toby took a break between songs and announced the best news of the night. He told he talked to the Supe and SAMI is canceled tomorrow. Every cadet in there started yelling at the top of their lungs, jumping up and down, giving high fives to each other, hugging each other, and had the biggest grins on their faces. I was no exception to that. It made my night, not that the concert alone didn't make it. I think the civilians, as well as Toby and the rest of the band, were a bit lost as to why we went crazy wild. I think Toby won over the hearts of the whole corps tonight by telling us the news of no SAMI.

Scotty Emerick opened for Toby and they sang a few songs together. That was cool.

Anne and I were the only two varsity members to show up to the afternoon practice today instead of the morning practice. We skipped out early to help Coach K get ready for a history banquet, but made it back down to the boathouse in time for the pizza with the novies.

Seeing as to how I now don't have to stay up all night cleaning and dusting every nook and cranny in the room for SAMI tomorrow, I think I shall go to bed. Yay!

Today was a Thayer day, but I didn't even realize it until it was almost over. Last night at midnight I had a CS403 resubmit of project 2 due. Then, this morning I had a homework set in CS380, a homework set in CS385, a project in CS350, and a WPR in PL300. I think the wpr went pretty well.

Tomorrow looks like a much easier day. In the morning I'm going to the Prayer Breakfast instead of practice,and so I'm going to the novie's practice in the afternoon. I don't have anything due tomorrow, which is really nice. Then, in the evening, Adam and I are going to the Toby Keith concert :) The only bad part of tomorrow is that there's another SAMI on Saturday and so my roommates and I will be up late cleaning after the concert.

I should be reading Mil Art right now or folding laundry, but tonight I haven't felt like doing any work. That's kinda bad since I'm supposed to be in BAG by tomorrow morning. In order to do that I have to dump out all of the drawers of my dresser and refold and rearrange all of my clothes. Fun times.

I was getting a foam frisbee out of my overhead this evening and when realized that a nutra-grain bar I had up there was ripped open and had a bunch of bites out of it with crumbs around. The mouse has moved from Jillians overhead to mine. I was stupid and forgot about the fact that we have that problem, so I hadn't put the cereal bar in my boodle box. You live and you learn.

Awesome weekend, great retreat, really good worship time, great speaker and message, tons of fun with my friends, boyfriend, people I am just getting to know, and people I consider basically my second family. Snow tubbing, line dancing, s'more making, singing, praying, sharing, ping pong, taboo, puzzles, sleep, books, learning, growing, sweeping, table setting, lady bug finding, children chasing, being tooken to jail by a three year old superhero, good conversations, laughing, crying, smiling, eating, fun.

This is a long 4 day week. We get Friday and Monday off of school for President's day, but Thursday afternoon is taking forever in getting here. I'm going on the OCF retreat with a bunch of people in my OCF group. From what I've heard, iIt sounds like it should be a lot of fun.

This week is kind of a Thayer week for me. This morning I had practice and then a Mil Art WPR first hour. I did really bad on the multiple choice and matching section, but I'm hoping that my essay was okay. Tomorrow I'm the assistant female transient barracks guard, so I'm hoping no girls are outproccessing right now. I also have two different project meetings with teachers and am supposed to help escort around a group of 4th graders at lunch.

Two weeks ago I felt like I was really improving and doing well in crew. Now I feel like I"m one of the slowest people on the team. Coach changed my rowing style a little and so now getting my splits down to where they were before seems to be really hard. It is very frustrating.

In the words of Anne, "I know, it sucks having people that care about you." I was bemoaning the fact that the S's found out from Jordan that I am a little sick and could possibly have strep. Their boys all have it, and since I've been around them recently, it is very possible that I caught it. I'm feeling a lot better than I was yesterday morning. Yesterday at the very beginning of 4th hour I ended up asking my teacher if i could either go back to my room or go to the health clinic. He let me, and so I wen to the health clinic. I didn't get to see an actual doctor, but they did give me a ton of over the counter cold medicine which helped. I took it, and after my nap after lunch my fever was down and I felt a lot better. Today I feel even better, except for a scratchy throat.

Two days ago I ordered my ring. It's a 14k white gold women's ring, with diamond dividers, and an 8 diamond cluster surrounding an iolite gemstone. I was happy because the cost came to $1670, which was $130 less than I expected.

A new Joe Bear episode was sent out last night. It'll be online sometime in the future.

I feel like crap. Stupid cold.

Happy Groundhog's day. The groundhog saw his shadow. 6 more weeks of winter ahead. Woohoo! Does he ever not see his shadow?

It's probably going to be a late night. Blah. It's my own falt. I still procrastinate too much.

Yester the S's had us over for the Super Bowl. Good friends, good food, good times.

Naturally flavored sparkiling water is one of the greast things on earth, at least in my opinion. I wish they sold it at Grant, or had vending machines selling it.

Yesterday morning my desktop computer mouse died. I think something went wrong with the wiring, because if I jiggled it around it would kind of start working again, but not very well or for very long. I ended up going to the PX later in the day with Adam and buying a new one. It is a Mircrosoft Wireless IntelliMouse Explorer 2.0. So far I like it and it seems to be working well.

Adam and I also bought a rubber rat to stick in Jillian's overhead. When she was cleaning for SAMI she found mouse droppings in there and freaked out. She had Mike come over and clean them out, while Alyson and I watched and laughed, and were kinda grossed out, as he procceded to pretend he saw a mouse, or pretent to eat the droppings, or take the half eaten cookies and shove them towards her and scare her. What a nice guy....or not. Alyson approved of the idea of hiding the rat in her overhead as a practical joke. I just hope she still talks to me afterwords. Ah well, if she doesn't immediatly, she will eventually.

SAMI and MAMI went well. The MAMI only took about 40 minutes becuase it only invovled cleaning the already clean dayroom. I went to bed at 2am the night before because we were up cleaning, and so I was pretty tired in the morning after the MAMI. My room had already been checked, and we were told it was a good room. The RTO was supposed to come through the company area, but the communication broke down somewhere and so nobody in the regiment knew that he had broncittus and wouldn't be inspecting. Due to that fact there was a lot of confusion about whether SAMI was still going on. Nobody was inspecting anymore, but we were kept in SAMI until about 10:40. Yesterday morning was a perfect example of how bitterness becomes prevalent here. Mainly it is due to indecision and a lack of communication.

Last night Annah, Anne, Leah, and I went over to the Hanlons and Annah cooked dinner and I helped her. We made a Thai dish and one other dish. It was fun and turned out pretty well.

I passed. It's over for another year. More later.

Formation for the IOCT is in less than 40 minutes. I don't care if I get injured while taking it, I don't care if I feel like I'm dying afterwords and feel that way for the next few days, all I care about is passing. I'm nervous because I practiced it a lot, but never did a full speed run through. One morning last week I did a slow jog through it, with a few rests, and I was still exhausted by the time I got to the monkey bars. I did finish the whole thing, but due to my breaks and everything, it was about 2 minutes over time. Everyone is telling me I'll do just fine and I shouldn't worry about it. I sure hope that is the case.

I have the IOCT tomorrow. I'm starting to get nervous. My life for the next few months depends on just a few minutes tomorrow. Ahhhh!

Last night the big snowstorm hit. I'm bad at estimating amounts of snow, so I won't even bother trying. All of the local schools were closed, and the civilians were allowed to not come in today. We, of course, had regular class and everything, and all of my teachers managed to make it in, even my one civilian teacher. He told us he got to school just 20 minutes before our class started.

This evening we found out we have a SAMI this weekend instead of just a MAMI and AMI. I was so happy when I found that out that I started jumping around and shouting for joy...wait, SAMI's mean a lot of cleaning and not a lot of sleep. It was more of a groan.

Snow :)

Bye Berry, I'll miss you.

Today started out okay, then mid-day today it became a horrible day, but then it got a little better. In CS380 I felt like the stupidest person because I had no clue even where to start with the board problems. The group right next to mine, made up of the smartest people in class, had their first problem done in 5 minutes. It was very frustrating.

Then I got back from lunch and had an email saying that my AIAD settlement had never been recieved and I owe a lot of money by a certain date. I called and emailed the contact number for that, and also went to try and talk to my contact here at school, but she was gone for the day. Hopefully that will all get cleared up.

The worst was when my Mom called around 1. I knew right away from the sound of her voice that something was wrong. She told me that they're taking Berry to the vet today and having her put to sleep. She can't keep down any food anymore and is skin and bones. We've had her since 7th grade. I tell people that and they say "wow, that's a long time" but it doesn't seem very long ago to me at all. It'll be so strange going home again and not having her around, not having her begging to go outside and have me throw her toy around for her, and not having her right by my side whenever I am eating any food, not having her there to pet. I don't think it'll really hit me until I go home.

After my Mom called I went down to Adam's room and we talked for a bit and played with legos. It made me feel a lot better. He helped me make a little lego dog, which now sits on my desk. When I got back to my room I had an email from MAJ S asking me to stop by his office, so I headed over there. We talked for a little while as well about Berry, and then life in general. It's really nice having people here I can go to when stuff happens.

I am about to throw my desktop computer mouse out the window. My computer keeps telling me that it doesn't recognize a usb device that is connected, and that device just happens to be my mouse. It works for awhile, and then won't all of a sudden. Perhaps it's time for a new mouse. The mouse my parents got me for Christmas, on the other hand, seems to be working fine.

This semester's schedule is a piece of cake compared to the past two semesters, at least so far. I only have 18.5 credits, which is the smallest number I've had, save for my first semester here plebe year. On day one's I have five classes, but on day two's I only have two classes, and they are both in the morning. That gives me time to start homework between lunch and crew practice in the afternoon on day two's.

The women's varsity crew team is steadily shrinking, and it really makes me sad. Right now We have 15 rowers, which is one less than we need for two eights. I wish I knew something I could do to get people to come back to the team. A lot of them went over to the rugby team. There are a few people who are injured and can't row anymore, which is very sad. I'm trying to stay hopefull about this spring, but it's getting harder and harder as the team continues to shrink. There are some good novies that will hopefully stick with the team next year and move up to varsity.

I suppose I should get to work.

Trust in God in all things. I forget to do that so easily, and tonight was no exception. I was thinking about how things went with J..., and how horrible everything was, and it was making me very insecure about my relationship with Adam, but there was no reason for me to feel that way about it. Then it hit me that God is in control, He has a perfect plan for everything, and there is nothing that I need to worry about. No matter what happends with it, he is in control. All I need to do is trust in him. That made me feel a lot better right away.

Rings rings rings :):):)

The ring I want is somewhere between $1400 and $1800. I can't believe that I get to start choosing my ring. The guys rings are huge, the girls rings are really big, and then the minature rings are about normal ring size. I've never worn rings before, and I was really suprised at the size of the rings, but the lady behind the counter at the c-store made a good point today. She said that some girls are tempted to get the minature ring instead, but anybody can get that one, even a random person off the street. The real rings are something that are unique and extremly special to most graduates. They are somthing you've worked extremly hard for over the four years, and have earned the honor to be able to wear through hard work, determination, lots of stress, and sacrifice. I can't put it into words very well, but the real class rings are extemely special. Anybody can get a minature, but only West Pointers have the real thing. I guess that sounds a bit concided. Of course, the minatures are nice for people who don't go to school here. Lots of people get them for their mothers, girlfriends, sisters, wives, or whoever.

In other news, the old first captain was not found on honor. Classes are going pretty well, save for CS385 Design & Analysis of Algorithms. I think that class will kill me by the end of the semester. My squad is doing pretty well, and 500th night is a mere 2 days away :)

Shibidie bibidie bomper stomper :)

This past weekend was a lot of fun. Leah got a group together and we went to a cabin about an hour and a half from school. It was right by a ski slope, and so on Saturday a group of us went skiing and tubing. On Sunday we went ice skating. We have some really cute pictures from the weekend. There's one picture of Jenny that looks like it should be in a JCrew catalog or something. On Friday, before we left, Amanda, Jordan, Adam, Brian, and I went to the Schumachers. Once again, I wish they weren't leaving at the end of this school year.

My new boots came, so I started shinning them this evening. Hopefully they will be really really shiny when I'm done.

It's amazing how things change :)

I don't like to brag, but I must say it was quite an honor to win the Thayer award last year and then be Time's Person of the Year this year.

That's the joke around here since The American Soldier won both awards.

In other news that I haven't mentioned, for the second time in history West Point has a female First Captain. The old First Captain was relieved of duty right before winter break. I'd expect a big commotion amoung the corps about the whole thing, but everything is being kept very vague while he is under investigation. The cadet rumor mill hasn't churned out too many rumors on the subject, and nobody really talks about it, besides to say really good things about our new First Captain. So far it seems that everybody has a really high opinion of her.

The first sgt just sent out an email that came down from above saying that everyone is forbidden to excersise outdoors, along with no inspections or formations outdoors untill 1300 tomorrow afternoon when the temperature and windchill is supposed to be back up to zero degress. I guess it is pretty cold out, although I could figure that out just from walking to and from class.

Today was a good day. A light bulb came on when I was studying Ada and I actually understood part of it. I called home this evening and it was nice talking to my parents. It's started snowing :) I'm looking forward to this weekend with my friends. I didn't have much homework for tomorrow, which was awesome. One of my friends came over and we sat in my room and read our own books while listening to music. It was quite relaxing.

Last night I found two pictures online of the stages of a growing plant gowing from seeding to fiull grown. I printed them out and stuck one on my wall and one on my computer. They are there to remind me that everything good takes time and patience.

Hint for the guessing game on my IM: think about animals and crackers.

Day 2's are the best in the world, and tomorrow is a day 2 :)

It is cold out today. RIght now the temp is 3 degrees. I wonder what the wind chill is. The worst part is when the cold hits my face. A well, as Calvin's dad says, "It builds character."

The first day of class went pretty well for this semster. Since I am the only cow in my mil art class, my teacher made me the section marcher. I was hoping that there would be at least one other cow this semster because last semester it was also all firsties except for me. It is very nice to have english and IR done with and out of the way, and knowing that next year I won't have to suffer with everyone else through mil art.

For some reason I am pretty tired, and I don't know why. It's kinda like I'm exhausted, but it's not really because of the days activities. It's more because of changes in life, starting a new semester, thinking too much, being on an emotional rollercoaster, but trying my best to keep that rollercoaster one that little kids could easily ride, meaning not very big ups or downs.

I think I just need sleep. I'm getting to the point where I'm starting to analyze stuff too much again. That's always a pretty good sign that I should stop whatever I'm doing and go to bed.

OCF tomorrow, at last. I can't wait.

Definetly thinking too much. Good night.

This weekend has been a pretty good weekend. Yesterday morning we only had MAMI instead of a SAMI, and our TA-50 layout was on Friday, so that was taken care of already. I was able to go back to bed around 9am after we cleaned the orderly room and then srubbed all of the hallway walls.

Today I got up and went to Church, which was really nice. It was going to be Anne, Adam, and I going, but Anne forgot that she had sent out her dress grey and full dress out to get psg rank, and her other dress grey in the trunk room still had cpl rank on it, so she ended up not coming. We sat with Amanda, and Amanda and I saw MAJ S and two of his boys, so we went and said hi to them before the service.

This afternoon I took a nap, talked to my parents on the phone, did all of my homework, and then relaxed for a bit. Anne went to a mentor's house this afternoon and when she came back she had freshly baked cookies. I hadn't eaten dinner and was really hungry, so I ate two of them. They were really good.

Adam and I hung out in the evening and played cribbage. He taught me the game yesterday. I brought my remote control car over with my monkey attached to it, and Adam made a crown for him. Christy, Adam, Adam's roommate, and I all played with the car in the room, and then Adam and I went around the barracks driving the car and attached monkey around and visiting a bunch of our friends. I was wearing my duck slippers and people liked those as well.

It's warmed up a bit. Friday and Saturday it was below zero and the windchill was in the negative teens. Reight now it's 20 degrees out.

Classes start tomorrow. Oh joy. I have 5 classes on day ones, and two classes on day two's. The nice thing is that I don't have any classes last hour. Hopefully it will be a good semester.

God works in mysterious ways. I'm glad He's in control and not me. Things turn out a lot better when I trust Him and don't try to do it my own way.

At last, a little free time that I'm not going to use sleeping. Alyson and I are both very glad that this week is a reorgy week instead of military intersession. Yesterday I was thinking about the past two years and how there were the 4 hour long classes and how those were a killer.

Random incidents of the week:
-being asked to YWW
-a random guy coming up and hugging me after a briefing one night
-finding a pack of cigarettes in the pocket of my field jacket


I'll start with the first incident. A yuck who sits next to me at my table leaned over during lunch one day this week and asked me if I was doing anythign on Jan 31, and if I would like to go to yww with him. He was serious. I was quite suprised. My answer to him was that two big events/dances in one week is too much for me.

Next random incident. I don't remeber what briefing it was after, but I was putting on my coat and gloves and talking to my friends, when some guy walks up to me and suddenly says "hi" and hugs me. At first I thought it was one of my friends, but then I realized that although I think I've seen him around before, I don't know him. I was once again quite suprised and responded with a very confused "do I know you?" He never said who he was, and I don't remember what he looked like anymore. It was just very random.

Then this morning as I was walking to formation I looked down to my field jacket pocket and saw a rectangular outline. I felt it and thought it was rather odd because I didn't remember putting anything like that in my pocket. I reached in and was extremely stunned to pull out a pack of cigarrets. The first thing I did was to look at my nametape and make sure it was my jacket. Then I stood there in the hallway with them in my hand and my mouth hanging open as people passed me by and then showed them to Alyson at formation. I figured they belonged to my 4th roommate who was temporarly living with us, so after formation I went to her and asked her about them. I guess she mistook my field jacket for hers or something when she was putting them in there.

This week I sent out a new Joe Bear episode, but I don't think it is online yet.

Life's been interesting. I'll write about it when I get some time that I don't feel like using for sleeping.

I'm back at school and almost all settled in my room. This semester I'm a squad leader with 3 yearlings and 3 plebes under me.

Over break my Dad was really awesome and set up an enviroment for me to help me with learning Ada. The only problem is that although he included tips on working with Ada, I had asked him to include some tips on navigating the enviroment. I guess he didn't hear that part and didn't realize that I didn't quite catch everything he showed me. The result is that I am back at school and have only a very minimal knowledge of how to get anywhere. I did manage to finally open Emacs, after about a half hour of trying to remember. However, I couldn't actually do anything in it because the screen was wierd. I called him at work and hopefully he'll get in touch with me and remind me of how to actually use what he set up.

Right now I there are 5 of us living in my room. I really only have 2 roommates, but Tara is spending a few nights here while she outproccesses for medical leave. The other roommate is Mike. Jill and him are good friends, and so he's over here pretty often.

It's so nice seeing my friends again. I saw Anne while I was down in the basement getting my computer. She was guarding her trunk room. Adam came over last night and I taught him how to play the card game Set. That lasted for a few minutes and then we started throwing a nerf football back and forth in the room, and then started playing baseball with the football as the bat and a tennis ball as the ball. It's amazing that we didn't break anything. Alyson probably thought we were crazy, but whatever, it was fun.

Now that I am at the very end of my break, it seems to have flown by. Right now I'm packing as well as working on a Joe Bear episode. I should be sleeping, but I'll get to that a little later. It was nice being able to see my family and friends at home.

Last night I went over to Misha's house and we watched Heartbreak Ridge, which is actually a Clint Eastwood movie, not a John Wayne movie. I'm sure some people would kill me for making that mistake, but oh well. We also watched most of the movie Patton, because I've never seen it before. His two younger sisters didn't seem to understand why we were watching war movies for fun. It was a good time.

Berry is still alive, but still goes into her kennel a lot throughout the day. She also stands around and stares vacantly off into space. My poor dog :(

Tonight we had dinner together as a family and then we Heidi, my parents, and I watched the movie The Sandlot. I love that movie. When I was younger I wished that I had a place like that were I could play baseball with my friends. Of course, I didn't have any neighborhood friends who I could play baseball with, but that was also part of my dream.

This afternoon I stopped by my Grandma's house to talk to her one more time before I left. Then I went shopping and bought a new pair of pj pants. The pants go perfectly with a pink shirt that I bought 2 days ago that can work as a pj shirt. I'm thinking about wearing my pink pj's and my duck slippers while playing with my remote control car. Very military like :)

Time to get back to work. Before I know it I'll be back at school.

I don't think that Berry has much longer to live. Today she didn't eat much for breakfast, but then threw most of it up just a little later. She's been going and laying down in her kennel all day. That is rather abnormal for her. She did eat the chicken that my mom gave her later this afternoon. I know that I probably won't get to see her again after this break, but it hasn't really hit me. I guess most things don't seem to really hit me until awhile later after they happen. Right now I'm wondering if she'll even make it to when I leave on Monday. I don't want her to die. Coming home won't be the same. I don't want to think about it anymore right now. It's too sad.

Tomorrow it is supposed to snow here. Just in time for when I leave. Unfortunatly it's only supposed to rain in New York. So much for my hopes of going snowboarding next week.

Last night was the night insomnia hit a few of my friends and myself. At 2am I was lying in bed and couldn't get to sleep, so I decided to call Annah because it was only 11pm in California where she was. When I called her she told me that Ana was on the other line. It was 2am where Ana was as wel, but she had a nightmarer and decided to call Annah. Annah called me back a few minuted later and we talked for a little while until her phone battery started to die. Then this afternoon I found a voicemail on my phone from her saying that when she went to bed last night she found she couldn't get to sleep either.

Berry is still lying in her kennel. It lookes like she is trying to go to sleep or something. She just moved and raised her head a bit. Please don't go Berry. Get well.

I have to admit that I'm looking forward to going back, as crazy as that sounds. Most of the friends I've talked to from school seem to share the same feeling.

This week has been pretty good, and gone by really fast. The second week of break always seems to go by fast. On Tuesday I went to a formal dinner party. I got to see a lot of my friends that I haven't seen in a long time. I had a really good time.

Then on Wednesday night I went to a party that Stephanies old apartment mates were having for New Years eve that she and liz were going to. Kristen and Darcy also showed up, and so it was a little high school reunion. I also got ot meet Nick for the first time, and at midnight he asked Stephanie to marry him. She had a guess that it would happen then instead of on the 4th. Her ring is beautiful.

I left that party around 1am or so and went over to Heidi's house. I had a good time there meeting some of her friends, and answered a ton of questions about West Point. Although, I felt kinda stupid I didn't know the answer to something or how to explain something.

Yesterday I watched most of the Rose Bowl. Unfortunatly UofM lost to USC. Annah procceeded to call and gloat a few times about that fact. Heidi came over and we rented a movie. Betsy showed up just after the movie ended and the three of us sat in the kitchen talking about stuff until 2am or so. I really liked that time I spent with my sisters and our converstion.

Today I went out to dinner with Frank and then did a little shopping. Tomorrow night I'm going over to Misha's house and we're going to watch a movie that he says is really good and that I have to see. It's a war movie with John Wayne in it that sounds kinda interesting.

And that's my week in a nut shell.

Berry is really cuddly right now. She is also very clingy. Right now I'm sitting at the computer and she's right beside me looking at me with her puppy eyes. Either she wants food or wants to go outside. I better go see which one it is.

Ever notice that while you're talking to someone you feel a constant need to reaffirm your selfworth and show that you are as good as them, if not better? Not a healthy feeling by any means. I've caught myself in that trap a few times in the past month or so and now that I've noticed it I'm trying to do something about it. Just what that is, I'm not quite sure. As a whole, I'm fine with who I am right now, what I'm doing, what I've accomplished, where I'm headed in life, what kind of person I am, and all that stuff. However, every so often out pop those horrible thoughts that I'm not good enough, I'll never be accepted, everything is fake, and basically I'm worthless. It is at those times that I remember that: 1. God loves me, made me who I am, has a plan for my life, is in control, I can turn to Him, and He never makes a mistake. 2. My family loves me, supports me, and likes me the way I am. and 3. I am surronded by friends who I know I can trust, like me for who I am, and support me. What it all boils down to is that money, material possesions, looks, knowledge, etc, can all fade away, but no matter what happens, no matter the circumstances, I'll always be a child of God and loved by my Father in Heaven. So when I feel the need to reaffirm my selfworth and value, I am forgetting, and thereby rejecting in a way, who I really am and what Jesus has done for me by dying on the cross to save me. He wouldn't do that to save someone who is worthless and He didn't love, yet He made the ultimate sacrifice for everyone's sake. Therefore He must think everyone is worthwhile and He loves everyone , but it is my choice whether or not I accept His love.

No clue if that made any sense or not. I just wrote with the flow and it's 2:30am. I'm going to bed.

I just finished watching a thing I put together for my friend Annah for her birthday and it made me miss her and all my other friends from school. This morning right after I got up Annah called me, and then later in the day I talked to Anne online and on the phone. Save for during my trip to Albequerque this past summer, I think this is the most I've ever kept in touch with my friends from school over a break. It seems like we all have similar feelings of missing each other. I really like having a break, but it's more than a week before I get to see all of them again and it seems so long.

Plebe year and the beginning of yearling year I didn't believe Annah and James when they told me that I wouldn't want to go home as much. I still have friends around here, but it's not the same as it was in high school. We've all changed a bit and gone different ways.

Teresa called me today and we got together a plan to hang out next week. I haven't seen or talked to her since this summer. She told me that over her recent trip she got engaged. While I was talking to Anne later on the phone I mentioned that fact and said it seems like there's an engagment virus going around. She joked that it must be pretty contagious and suggested I wear a gas mask when I see Teresa or else I may catch it. I guess I'd better wear one when I see Stephanie as well because she's engaged, or will be in just a few days. She showed me a picture of the ring she's getting from Nick on the 4th. It's so beautiful. Anyway, I think I'm safe from that virus for now.

Yesterday I woke up, looked out the window and realized it was snowing. There was about an inch or so on the ground. It was a white Christmas :) It didn't snow much more, and didn't stick around for very long, but the little there was looked nice. Christmas with my family was nice. It's not quite the same as it was when I was little, because all of my sisters and I are older, and Heidi has her own house, so we don't get up at 6am anymore and race downstairs.

Today we went over to my Grandma's house. I really liked seeing Anna and Isaac, my little cousins, again. At school my friends always hear all about them. They kept climbing all over me and asking for horsey and piggy back rides, along with one they invented called the robot ride. It was easy when they were really little, but now that Anna is 5 and Isaac is 6 it makes for a really good workout, especially when they both climb on at once.

Towards the end of the evening my left ear started to hurt a little. By the time we opened presents it was throbing and occasional sharp pains shot through it. Soon after all the presents were opened I drove home and curled up on the couch. The pain was excrutiating by that time. I'd taken 2 tylonel and some nasal decongestant like my mom had suggested, but it still hurt a lot. She then suggested some heat might help and warmed up a rice bag for me in the microwave. The heat felt really good and took care of a lot of the pain. Now, about 3 hours later, the pain is just about all gone, but my ear feels clogged up. I hope it's all cleared up by tomorrow morning.

Merry Christmas!

It's not quite Christmas yet, but it probably will be by the time I post this. This evening my parents and I went to the Christmas Eve service at Church. I decided to wear dress mess mostly because I was too lazy to figure out something else to wear. At Church almost everyone came up to me and commented on how beautiful and elegant I looked, and how much they liked the uniform. It was quite a change from at school where some people seem to think that no girls look good in uniform, no matter what. The service was pretty nice. Christmas Eve services are probably my favorite service of the whole year.

Today I've been looking at used Chevy S-10's and trying to convince my parents that a car is a good idea. Why does car insurance have to be so expensive?

I miss my friends from school.

Yay! I have a way to check my school email now.

I wish I knew how to check my school email. I haven't been able to check it since last wednesday. When they rearranged the network at school, they changed how to log into email when your away, but didn't tell us the new method.

I feel like I've been productive today. I cleaned and rearranged my room at home, made some muddy buddy chex mix, but instead of chex cereal I used Resses Puffs cereal, my dad and I did a tiny bit of work on the computer setting up VMware, and I tried to do some Christmas shopping, but only got one present.

Yesterday I went and worked out at Domino's Farms. It was nice being back there again. I can't believe it's been two and a half years since I worked out there with Christina as my personal trainer. In the evening I went over to Becki's house and then we went and picked up Kyle. We all made some oatmeal-cranberry-chocolate chip cookies and watched 8 mile. It was so nice to be able to bake again. I miss baking. The kitchen at home is being redone and so there isn't any place to bake. My dad says that next week the kitchen will hopefully be further along and I'll have my choice of 3 ovens to use to bake :)

This afternoon Anne and I were talking on IM and discussing cars. We were looking at trucks and suv's. I want an suv, but that's not going to happen. My dad said to call and ask the insurance company about rates on trucks and then use that to determine what kind to get. My dream is to get one over break and then have my parents drive it down to Florida for me during spring break. I won't be home again until summer, so that's why I thought of that idea. I told Anne about it and she liked it and had that idea that if she got a car too, then our parents could caravan down there with them. However, my dad wasn't so thrilled about the idea.

On Friday Adam asked me to 500th night :)

Oh blah

It doesn't seem like Christmas.

Wow! It's amazing how things change. I'm very happy right now due to two IM's two of my friends sent me this morning. I didn't get either of them until 2pm this afternoon when I woke up for the second time. Usualy I don't sleep in very late, but it was really nice to today. I hope I don't sleep in that late anymore this break. I kinda feel like I wasted the day when I do. Of course, I'm not about to get up at 5:30 or 6am. Ahh, break at last :)

Why is w.bloggar acting weird?

Why am I still up? I have no idea. Betsy keeps asking me what I want for Christmas and she's getting annoyed because I can't think of anything. The one thing I eventually said I wanted was a date to 500th night. She didn't like that answer. She suggested I go with Sam, but there's the small problem of me not knowing Sam. Ich weiss nicht. I'm tired. It's late. I'm going to bed.

I'm done with TEE's, I just finished cleaning out room, and in 3 hours I'm getting up and heading home. My CS today went horribly, but I think I did okay on my IR TEE.

My plan was to come back from IR and start cleaning right away, because I hadn't done anything at all about clearing out my room. The S's invited our OCF group over because Jessica was there, but I wasn't planning on going because of all the cleaning I had to do. Brian took it upon himself to try and convince me to go. I couldn't figure out why he kept trying to get me to go. After I refutted all of his ideas of why I couldn't put off cleaning and go, he convinced me to go later when Celio went up. Pure and simple peer pressure. When I got to the S's house he procceded to tell me that he had won once again. A few days ago I had told him that I really wanted to beat him at something, anything, but he always seemed to win. I'll beat him at something sometime.

I could go to bed right now, but I think I'd just lay there and not be able to sleep. Right now I'm listening to country. Perhaps listening to some calming music will help. Hmm, the classical station isn't calm music. Maybe Nature Sounds will work. Nope, it puts me on edge. I'll go with Lite Rock. Wow. I haven't listened to that station in a really long time. I now realize why I stopped listening to that station. Ah well, I'm going to go make some snowflakes at http://snowflakes.lookandfeel.com/

Somehow my math teacher already managed to grade all of our TEE's and post our final grades. I guess that's the good thing about having only 16 other cow's with a CS major. My teacher must have curved the test a lot, because my grade in the class actually went up. I ended up with a C. I went into the TEE with a C-. Pretty sweet.

I'd say I'm a B+ personality type. Very close to an A, but when it really comes down to it, a B+ is still a B.

Now let us discuss Mil Art. First topic, Revolution in Military Affairs. There are Technological developments whcihc are turned into practical military systems, Doctrinal (operational) innovations, Organizational Adaption, and social, political, econoci developments.

It's boring to write about, and not a very effective study method. Back to my old method.

Somehow, I don't think my teacher was looking for my answer of "Poof! And it's proven magically" when he asked for an indirect proof to prove something on the TEE.

I found out my room for next semester. It's actually the same three person room I was in last year, but now Jill is going to be roommates with us instead of Tara. Tara's on medical leave for the semester.

1 TEE down, 4 to go. Next up is MA376and Mil Art, followed by CS386 and International Relations on Wednesday. By Wednesday night I think I'll be in a coma, which won't help packing very much. Only 14 hours of tests left.

I think of him constantly and want to tell everyone about him. Nothing in the world is better than spending time with him. He waits each day for me to talk to him, and nothing makes him happier than spending time with me. I want to share everything with him and spend every moment with him. He's the one that I go to when I'm happy, sad, hurt, scared. He takes care of everything, comforts me, holds me in his arms, makes my worries dissapear. I realize how inadequate I am. I'm not worthy of his love, yet he still love me with all of my flaws. He's my best friend, my closest companion. I'll do anything he asks; I trust him completly. He challenges me to go outside my comfort zone, but is right there by my side the whole time. In the hard times he carries me. There's nothing he likes more than hearing me say I love him, and there's nothing I like more than telling him that. Even when I hurt him, he accepts me with open arms and a loving heart, forgiving everything. He'll never hurt me, he'll never leave me, and I can't imagine a life without him. He is the most important thing to me, nothing comes before him. I love him and he loves me.

Last night the S's had our OCF group over for the eveing. As usual, it was a great time. I was able to talk to Mrs. S about a question I had come across during my Bible study the day before. The S's are amazing people. Mrs. S also was really nice and patched a hole that I discovered in Joe Bear's head. I brought him with me to make a new episode, but when I reached into the back to pull him out, my finger when straight into his head. She sewed him up and he's a good as new.

It's snowing:)

What is up with the way the page looks when I open it up on my desktop? It's fine on my laptop.

Christmas dinner was pretty nice yesterday, although I didn't care for the actual meal very much.

Classes are over for the semester. TEE's start tomorrow, but I don't have my first one until Monday afternoon. Then I have 5 in a row, ending on Wednesday evening. Thursday I'm taking the 6am bus to the airport. 5 tee's, 2.5 days, 17.5 hours of tests in a row. Fun.

This semester went by pretty fast. I hope I don't have to repeat it.

It's amazing how things change.

So much for trying to go snowboarding/skiing with Anne and Brian on Friday. It's raining outside and the temp is supposedly 52 degrees. I can't wait till it snows and actually sticks around long enough so I can go snowboarding.

Today in Mil Art, my teacher showed us about 10 minutes of the movie Alien, and then kinda tied it into the lesson. He asked who had never seen the movie before, and one other person and I raised our hands. I guess that makes me a failure in life. Okay, that's not really what he said at all, but he was suprised that we had never seen it. After watching the clip, I now want to see the whole thing. Isn't the quadrilogy coming out in a set soon, or was that a different movie?

In IR, our teacher brought in coffee and doughnuts for the class. We spent the whole period basically griping about West Point. The main topics were the $15 earmuffs, the Comm, and the different monopolies around here.

Paper bags full of stuff from the C-store don't mix very well with rain. I have Christmas shopping done for one person, my Grandma. I have no clue what to get anybody else.

MercyMe - Word Of God Speak Lyrics

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

[Chorus]
Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

[Chorus 2x]

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay

Today, that being Tuesday, was a really good day. Morning practice went very well, and both coach's liked my idea about having an erg contest. Coach Holland also told me that Coach Steve said I rowed well. That was definetly nice to hear, because usually I only hear that I need to slow my slide more, stay constant, get my hands away faster, etc. On the way up from the boathouse the sunrise was extremely beautiful. Late fall/ winter sunrises and sunsets are so pretty. In fact, all sunrises and sunsets are at anytime of year, but in the fall and winter they have a softer glow to them with colors that gently blend into one another.

Anyway, then, in Mil Art we had a suprise quiz, but my teacher let us use the course notebook and instead of failing it, I actually aced it and got the bonus points. He also handed back the papers. I figured I'd probably get a C or so on the paper, but was very happy to find it was an A. Writing standards for English and Mil Art are extremely different. I had two free periods before lunch and so took some time for a Bible study/ prayer time. The topic was "What Makes God Smile" but instead of focusing on that, I found that passages about watching what I say, such as Eph 4:29 and James 3:9 kept coming up and I felt like God was trying to tell me something and so I've been thinking about that a lot for the rest of the day. I think I now know why.

In the afternoon I went in for a very productive AI session for CS. After class last hour I went with Jordan to the S's house. While waiting for Mrs. S. I made a bunch of snowballs and ambushed Jordan when she came by. She tried to tackle me in the snow, but ended up getting more snow on her then I got on myself. Spending the afternoon over at the S's house was really nice. I've really opened up a lot more to them this year and am more myself. From there we all went the the OCF Christmas party, which was also a lot of fun. I love OCF. After that I went back to the barracks and my project partner and I got to work on our EE project, which we managed to get working 5 minutes before TAPs. It's so cool.

Yikes, it's late. Stupid MS essay.... I mean, really helpful and useful MS essay. Riiiiight.

MS class...what did I learn in that class?

Last night, with some assistance from Annah, I made a new Joe Bear episode. I came back from Army Navy and found a package from Build a Bear on my desk. My mom had bought Joe Bear the BDU outfit:) Thanks Mom! During the shooting of the episode my camera started to complain about the battery power. It tends to do that if I have it on for more then 10 minutes in any space of time. I need new batteries for it, but can't find the right kind and don't really have the time to look. By the end of the photo taking I was begging my camera to give me one more picture. I was also dreaming of getting a new digital camera, but that's not likely to happen. I have a Kodak DX3900 right now that I got at the end of Plebe year. It works pretty well with 3.1 magapixels and a 2x optical zoom, but it's nothing compared to the camera's that are out now. Camera's are like computers, a month after you buy one the newest latest and greatest model comes out that is 10 times better then the one you bought. Ah well, someday I'll get a new camera that'll be the latest and greatest and be happy with it once again for about a week before a better one comes out.

As I said before, I love my friends. I can talk to them about stuff that I never felt comfertable talking to people about before, that being God and religion. A few days ago I mentioned that I'd started a new book for my daily prayer/Bible study time. I take notes in a little notebook and the stuff that God has shown me has been amazing and so useful in my life. Usually it's off the topic of the daily Bible study and I come across it as I look deeper in the Bible abotu the subject of the day. For instance, on 03 December the topic of the day was "Life Is a Temporary Assignment." Two verses that really hit me during the Bible Study, which happened to be adjacent to the actual verses for the day, were 1 Peter 2:11-12 and 1 Corinthians 7:33-35. The 1 Corinthians passage was particularly moving and I talked about it with Anne today at dinner. I love being able to go to my friends like Anne, Leah, and Amanda and have converstaions about stuff. The other cool thing of the day was that this evening I went over to my EE partner's room to work on our EE360 project. We first listend to Christmas music, and after that was through she turned on a Christian praise CD from FCA. It was really good. I happened to see a bible study thing she had on her bookshelf and was looking at it and so she told me about it. I told her I'd just started a new book of my own, and she asked what the title was. I told her it was "The Purpose Driven Life" and she went over to her desk and picked up a book and said "You mean this book?" It turns out a friend of hers had gotten the same book for her for her Birthday and said it was really good. She hadn't started it yet, but was going to once TEE's finished. It's so cool.

Time for bed so that I can get up for morning practice. yay...

Army lost to Navy this weekend in the big football game. I don't think I've ever been more mad in my life as I was when the Corps marched into the stadium before the game. Formation for the game was at 12am in the parking lot outside the stadium and so my friends and I got there around 11:30. Most of the other cadets who had taken pass were there at that time as well. The busses with cadets on them that drove from West Point were supposed to get there around that time as well, but due to the snow they didn't make it until about 2:30 or so. We were supposed to march on at 2pm, but at 1:30 rumors started to spread around that it was pushed back until 3pm. At 1pm our first sgt went around and told people not to move because we'd soon form up and march over the the hockey area so that we wouldn't have to stand on the ice any longer, but that was a bunch of false hope. We kept waiting, but nothing happened and we stood out there the whole time. What made me so angry was that the corps had to wait outside in the parking lot, which was covered with a sheet of snow/ice, in 20 degree weather, and we were not supposed to go anywhere, while higher ranking people were not out there with us. I didn't see any bathrooms, and definetly no water around, except for the few patches of melted ice on the ground. I heard a plebe tell someone that he was extremely thirsty, but there wasn't anything we could do for him. I saw at most two officers out there very briefly for the whole 3+ hours that we stood out there on that ice. Our shoes have no insulation, and although most people wore mutliple pairs of socks, the cold seeped straight through the shoes and everyone's feet froze. Many people who did not wear coreframes had water seep into their shoes, which made it even worse for them. After 3 hours when we started moving, nobody could feel their feet. When we were marching in my feet started to thaw a bit and the pain set in. It was so bad that I started to limp. When we walked into the tunnel under the stadium I saw all of the officers huddled in there. That was when I was more angry then I've ever been. I dressed as warmly as I could, but was still very cold and my feet were froze. I know that there were many cadets out there who did not dress warmly and had no protection for their head or ears besides the grey service cap, which does nothing to protect the ears. A few took their rain cover for the service cap and wore it kinda like a shower cap in order to shield their ears. Whereas Navy got to leave and come back later, those officers made the corps stand out there and literaly freeze in the parking lot, while they shielded themselves from the cold and ice. That is one of the best examples of poor leadership that I've seen in my cadet career.

The big news around the corps right now is the snow storm. It hasn't started snowing here yet, but Philadelphia has over 5 inches of snow and a foot is expected. The people taking the bus now have to form up at 4 and leave at 6am instead of 8am. My friends and I are leaving at 4pm this afternoon to drive down.

(Mom, since you read this: Yes, we will be very carefull, will watch out for other drivers, and leave plenty of space between cars, wear clothes that are warm enough in case something happens with the car and we have to walk, have my cell phone with me, and make sure that nobody drives if they are tired. Did I cover everything? I wish you and Dad were here for the game. Get well soon.)

Today I'm feeling much better. I think yesterday afternoon was the worst of it. I skipped practice, with Mindy's permission, and slept because I could barely move and Anne kept yelling at me to go to bed.

Since I have and hour before my last class I'm going to take a nap. Yay :)

The front page of the NY Times had a picture of one of the milk cartons that are served in the mess hall. The sports page had an article about West Point and a football player.

The varsity women's crew team had a distro war about correct grammer tonight. As I said, I love my friends. We're all nerds together.

My parents are awesome, and although they aren't coming this weekend, they sent a package to me with 40 or so packets of hand warmers. My friends and I hopefully will have a chance of staying warm at the game this year.

I must say that I love my friends here. They are all awesome people.

Tomorrow I leave for Philly and the Army Navy game with Mike, Leah, Celio, Brian, Anne, Krisin, Sam, and Jenny. Looks like it'll be a good weekend, although the big snowstorm expected may through in a but of excitment. The only down part is that my parents aren't coming anymore :(

Go Army! Beat Navy!

Some days are better then others, unfortuanatly this was not one of them. Even though it wasn't that great of a day, it wasn't horrible. I'd go into details, but homework calls. Fun stuff.

Winter has finally arrived here, just in time for the Army Navy game. It flurried twice today, but didn't accumulate to much on the ground. Army Navy Drill was rather cold today, and thankfully we only had to run through it once. We were all supposed to march back up to the barracks afterwords, but my regiment decided to break ranks and run away on our own. I was really happy to do that, because 15 minutes after I got to my room I could still here people from 1st, 2nd, and 3rd reg marching up.

Cool thing of the day: I've started a new book for my daily Bible study time. It's The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Today's segment was about seeing life from God's view. One part of it discussed life on Earth as a trust and how God entrusts us each with certain gifts. 1 Corinthians 4:7, Luke 16:11, and Luke 12:48 all stood out to me. Then, at OCF the topic for our small group discussion was time and gifts. It was really cool how the two fit together. Today's left me wondering what gifts God has given me and how I can use them.

Yet another announcement today of someone in the cow class getting engaged. The trend is catching on fast.

An argument broke out this evening over the awarding of points for Adam and Anne. It resulted in an email war between the judges. Mostly it was Jordan and I against Annah. Annah's supposed to be on Anne's side with us....I mean, we are fair, non-biased judges who happen to award Anne 1 billion points and Adam 1 point. It's all relative. The cool thing is, nobody has any idea what I am talking about :)

Sweet! I just realized that since today is now technically Wednesday, my parents will be here tomorrow. I'll hopefully catch up with them at the Goat-Engineer football game and bonfire. At this time last year a huge snowstorm hit.

It's amazing how things change.

In other news, I'm now the women's crew team Activity SGT. My goal is to unite the team and bring us closer together through fun activities, competitions, and spending time together outside of regular crew practice and trips.

Although I felt like I was about to come down with a cold last night, overall I feel much better after Thanksgiving break then I felt before the break. Christmas break is only 2.5 weeks away, not far at all. The break was really nice, although I really crashed. My brain refused to function. On Saturday I woke up and had a list of things in my head that I had to accomplish. When I realized that I was mildly stressed out about it, I said screw it and threw out the list. If I got to it, then I got to it, otherwise it didn't really matter.

Both Thanksgivings that I had with the different sides of the family were good. One of my cousins annouced her engagment, and another cousin on the other side is already married and due in Feb. Both of them are 21. This year started and everybody suddenly grew up. People my age are getting engaged and married. It doesn't seem real yet.

Heidi and I went to see Elf on Friday. It's a pretty good movie.

Misha and I were going to go out and see a movie on Saturday night, but the Thanksgiving dinner with my Mom's side of the family ran later then I thought. Instead, Misha and I went downtown and got coffee, then we walked around a bit. It was fun.

I have to admit something. I'm addicted to a very harmful substance. Every year it causes thousands of deaths. In fact, it is a factor in one of the leading causes of death in the United States. Not only that, it impares driving and causes even more deaths that way. I've tried to quit, to break the habit, to stop the addiction, but I keep going back to the substance. When I go a day without it, the need for it becomes even worse. Sometimes I feel as though I won't make it much longer if I don't have it. I'm suprised that it hasn't been banned yet. If people only realized how harmful it is, then the substance would probably be banned in a second. Even right now I feel the craving for it coming back. It's getting stronger by the minute. Dihydrogen monoxide is taking over my life. Please help.

Here is a good website about the harmful effects: Dihydrogen Monoxide - The Truth

Most of these deaths are caused by accidental inhalation of DHMO, but the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide do not end there. Prolonged exposure to its solid form causes severe tissue damage. Symptoms of DHMO ingestion can include excessive sweating and urination, and possibly a bloated feeling, nausea, vomiting and body electrolyte imbalance. For those who have become dependent, DHMO withdrawal means certain death.