40 minutes of sleep in the last 34 hours. I'm about to hopefully get another 30 or so minutes in before practice. Tomorrow morning I don't think I'll make it to the captain's practice. Last night around 4:30am I took a tiny break from my work and wrote a short poem and sent it to a few friends on IM. All I rememeber is that it rhymed. I wish I still had the poem.

There are 30% more D's and F's then usual at 6 week grades right now in the corps. The funny thing is, it's a dean's weekend this weekend, but we're still having a SAMI. Know what would be nice. A break. Wait, those don't exsist here. Nevermind.

I have one weird thing to add about the whole elevator thing. Yesterday morning the upper three classes in my company had a meeting down in the dayroom at 6:20am. When we were leaving the meeting we could't use the elevator because it was broken. The door was open and I noticed that the floor of the elevator was a few inches below the normal floor level where it usually stops. In my dream that is a reaccuring thing, except the difference is a few feet instead of a few inches. That's usually the thing that makes me the most nervous in my dreams because in the dreams it's a sign that something is wrong with the elevator and it could go crashing to the ground at any minute and therefore I have to get out of it. The elevator worked again by the evening and I rode it up to my room after practice.

It's going to be a long day tomorrow that starts very early and ends really late. I hope I survive. At least there's OCF:)

Why do I keep having dreams about me being in an elevator and it breaking? It's not that it breaks and I'm trapped inside and can't get out, it's that it's on the verge of crashing down to the ground. I've had a dream with that in it at least twice. One of them was on Sunday afternoon. Does it mean anything?

Yesterday was a really good day. The SAMI in the morning really was more like Saturday AMI then a big huge inspection. That was probably due in part to the fact that all the firsties had the junior leader panels durning the sami and so none of them were around to inspect. During the sami it started pouring outside. Whereas my parent's we praying that it'd stop raining because the Michigan Parents Club tailgate area was starting to flood, Alyson and I were staring outside the window hoping that it would continue raining for awhile and were dissapointed everytime it started to let up a little. At the very last minute they called off the parade, but that was after they had us all form up indoors under arms. ESPN was here and they really wanted to have a parade.

Army lost 28-0 to USF, the score was 0-0 until the last minute in the first half. The second half I went over and stood with Annah, Anna, and Kristen and stopped paying attention to the game. After the game I went back, changed, and went down to the MI Parents Club tailgate. I got there at the tail end of it, but had to stick around to help clean up because my parents were in charge of it this year.

After that my parents and I went to the Schumachers house. Brian was there with his parents as well. I was hoping that Heather or Amanda would be there as well, but it ended up being just us. I love the Schumachers. They are such good people. We all talked for awhile, and both Brian and my parents told a few somewhat embarrasing stories about each of us. It wasn't as bad as when Leah's parents came up for her birthday. They left us with plenty of stuff to make fun of her for, all in good fun of course. I love my friends, and so do my parents, and my friends love them, so it works out really well. Last night as I was saying bye to them, my parents told me they thought I was friends with some really good poeple.

When I got back to the barracks I felt like watching the movie 8 Seconds, but James wasn't around and so I couldn't borrow it from him. I saw him a little later and told me that I should've gone out with brandon, him, and alyson because they had a lot of fun. Somehow that evolved into us starting to grapple in the hallway. He said that he'd beat me and win, I said he wouldn't. Nobody really ended up winning, although he claims that since I wasn't able to get him out of my chair that he won. We need a rematch.

Both WPR's are done. I have no idea how I did on either of them, but both of them served to remind me why I am not a Sosh or an APL major. I can't crap out pages and pages of writing. Even if I know the subject really well, I still don't write very much. On papers I'm usually the person struggling to meet the minimum number of words. I can write well if I have the time and put effort into it, but whereas a lot of my classmates are able to write 6 pages on an essay, I only write 3.

On a completly different subject, I think I have an eye infection. My left eye is a little red, although I think it's looking a little better than it did last night. Hopefully it's not pink eye. It's not itching, so I think that's a good sign. However, I'm wearing glasses today as a precaution. I miss my contacts.

My parents are here, although I haven't seen them yet and won't get to see them until this evening at the crew bbq. With them comes my laptop all fixed. yay!

Coach is awesome! His latest email to the team is hilarious:

There is a very good reason the USN uses big print on its navel boats. You see that branch of the service has the lowest literacy rate of any U.S. Government run program, lower even than toll collectors, the border patrol, and the people who hand out food stamps. Far lower than the Coast Guard, for example. The Navy needs those big letters on boats so that chief petty officers (now just stop for a second and think how ridiculous that sounds) can help secondary chief petty officers instruct the lowly seaman on how to read, e.g. a sailor on the Arleigh Burke. CPO to lowly squid: "Now son, you see that first big letter on our boat, the one that comes to a peak, and then slants out? It has a crossbar across it. That is an A which is the first letter of the service we all would be in if we could only qualify for it. You don't have to worry about the other letters, just take this mop and slop bucket and clean up the floor. That's what we spend 95 % of our time doing here. Just watch out for Ms. Ike Ord. She is a real b.
because the first part of her name sounds like that of a great Army General."
And that's the way life is in the Navy, and Heather, navel, boat, and floor are all intentional. What can one say about an alledged branch of the military that since it does nothing, clings to its quaint phrases such as gangway, bulkhead (really a better term for the Chief of Naval Operations) and deck?
BEAT AIR FORCE, if you can.
Best,
Coach

Today should be a Friday. It'd be great if it were Friday, because then I'd be done with both wpr's and the presentation. All I'd have left would be tennis, cs class, yoga with crew team lead by one of the lead actors in Xena Warrior Princess, crew BBQ, a little time with my parents, and then cleaning for sami.

My AFC shirt is very annoying. The shoulders are too small, and so I can't reach all the way forward, but the waist area on it is huge and always bunches up. My dress-offs don't stay.

God has done some really good things in my life recently. He's shown me that when I turn everything over to Him, it turns out a lot better than I could ever do on my own. I don't know how to explain how I feel. I guess the best description is that I feel at peace.

I miss New Mexico.

This is awesome!

http://www.pressaprint.com/som/WeSupportU2.htm

This is awesome!

http://www.pressaprint.com/som/WeSupportU2.htm

Today in English we were discussing Russian culture as usual and my teacher was once again trying to impress on us why the revolution at the turn of the century didn't work. In order to make his point he decided to use West Point as an example. For this he turned to me and asked "Is there anyone who goes to this school who you despise?" For a second I was a bit shocked by the question and didn't want to answer it, but I said "yes". He then asked "Is there anyone here that you want nothing to do with and never want to see?" Again I had to answer "yes". Alyson, who sits right beside me in class, was trying to keep from chuckling the whole time because she thought it was rather amusing that he had chosen to ask me those questions.

For the rest of the day the first question bothered me. Do I really despise anyone? The more I think about it, the more I don't like the thought of actually despising, loathing, scorning, or any related synonym. Those all walk a very fine line next to hate. I've found the more I focused on how much I dislike someone, the more angry I became and the more miserable my life is. Forgivness is an amazing thing, and so is prayer. If I could, I think I'd retract my answer to the first question.

I figured out the problem. I posted them to the wrong blog. Stupid me.

Where are the two posts I wrote on w.bloggar?

Stress level = very high
therefore,
Kate = easily annoyed and irritable
beware.


This week is a major Thayer week, and the worst part is that I didn't ever realize it until it hit.
Monday: APFT, Mil Art Quiz
Tuesday: CS Project 1 resubmission due
Wednesday: CS Project 2 part 1 due
Thursday: EE Lab IPR 2 due, English Paper due to Peer editor
Friday: Mil Art WPR, IR WPR, Cow Fitness Presentation,
Saturday: SAM Company BBQ (?)
Overall: 6 week grades due

Somehow I think a lot of weeks will be like this for me.

"..Wait for the guy who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kinda guy who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the guy who can look you in the eye and touch your heart all within one glance... Wait for the guy who will be your best friend, who will drop everything to be with you at any time no matter what the circumstances are. Wait for the guy who makes you smile like no one else-- and when he smiles you know he needs you. Wait for the guy who wants to show you off to the world even when you are in your sweats, with your hair pulled up, and no make-up on... but appreciates it when you get dolled up for him. Wait for the guy that calls you his girl, makes it official, and tells the World... Most of all, wait for the guy who will put you at the center of his universe cause that's where you belong."

Done with the APFT. YAY!

36 Push-ups (90 pts)
73 Sit-ups (92 pts)
16:49 2-mile run time (84 pts)
Total: 266 pts

I think that's actually my best point total so far. Not my best push-up or run time, but it's the most sit-ups I've gotten. I got cut a few push-ups, but after I was done the CPT grading me said that my form was pretty good. Compared to some people my score's not great, but for me it's a personal best. Perhaps next time if I actually train for the APFT then I'll tab it. This time I really didn't train at all, especially for the run. If I can knock off 25 seconds, then I'll have the APFT tab.

I know I've been writing a lot more about God, my relationship with Him, and stuff like that....

I'll expound on that thought later. It's getting late. I need to get ot bed.

Today's been a really good day. At Church I sat with Amanda, Brian, and the Schumackers. Then Amanda, Brian, and I went to brunch. We stayed there for a pretty long time. Amanda and I were goofing around and Brian was giving us weird looks and making fun of us, especially when he found out that Amanda had an imaginary friend that was a panda with wings named Fuzzle when she was little, and that I had an imaginary friend named Bob that got ran over by a chicken. Poor Bob, may he rest in peace.

After brunch I went back to my room and took a nap, which ended when the fire alarm started to sound. The yucks and plebe's haven't learned that when the fire alarm sounds in Mac Short, instead of going outside you can just go over to Mac Long, and vice versa. It's very rare that both sides have fire alarms going off at the same time. Once the alarm stopped, I went back to my room and started reading for Mil Art. Tomorrow there's a quiz on the battle of York Town.

Instead of listening to my usual selection of Tim McGraw, Jimmy Wayne, or Staind, I decided to listen to one of Johannes cd's. Piano is good music to read by. Then I started listening to a Christian station on Launchcast. After a little while I noticed that I had a strong urg to start praying and worshiping God, so I did. That's never happened before in the middle of homework. What's cool is some songs that I know came on and so I was able to silently sing along with them and pray. Alyson was in the room and so I didn't want to bother her. It was a really good prayer time.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You,
It's all about You, Jesus

This evening, after I had finished my mil art and IR reading, I decided to give Matt and Frank a call. I don't think I've talked to Matt since I was in New Mexico, or maybe I did right after I got back to school. In any case, it's been awhile. With Frank it's been even longer. I saw him for about 5 min when I was home the second time this summer, but haven't really talked to him since at least June. Sadly, Matt wasn't around and when I called Frank's house to get his new phone number, his sister told me he doesn't have his phone yet, but will be home tomorrow so I could try calling him then. Unfortuantly, I'll probably be at crew practice.

Tomorrow morning I'm hopefully going to take the APFT. Fun times.

Awesome song:

MEASURE OF A MAN by 4Him

This world can analize and size you up and throw you on the scales
They can I.Q. you and run you through
Their rigorous details
They can do their best to rate you
And they'll place you on the charts
And then back it up with scientific smarts
But there's more to what you're worth
Than their human eyes can see

Oh, I say the measure of a man
Is not how tall you stand
How wealthy or intelligent you are
'Cause I've found out the measure of a man
God knows and understands
For He looks inside to the bottom of your heart
And what's in the heart defines
The measure of a man
Well, you can doubt your worth
And search for who you are
And where you stand
But God made you in His image
When He formed you in His hands
And He looks at you with mercy
And He sees you through His love
You're His child and that will always be enough
For there's more to what you're worth
Than you could ever comprehend

Oh I say the measure of a man
Is not how tall you stand
How wealthy or intelligent you are
Cause I've found out the measure of a man
God knows and understands
For He looks inside
To the bottom of your heart
And what's in the heart defines
The measure of a man
You can spend your life persuing physical perfection
There is so much more
More than ever meets the eye
For God looks through the surface
And He defines your worth by what is on the inside
I say the measure of a man
Is not how tall you stand
How wealthy or intelligent you are
'Cause I've found out the measure of a man
God knows and understands
For He looks inside
To the bottom of your heart
And what's in the heart defines

Oh, I say the measure of
The measure of a man
Is not how tall you stand,
How wealthy or intelligent you are
Oh, I've found the measure of a man
God knows and understands it
For He looks to the bottom of your heart
And what's in the heart defines
Yeah, what's in the heart defines
Yeah, what's in the heart defines
The measure of a man
I know, I know

Abigail Van Buren:
The best index to a person's character is (a) how he treats people who can't do him any good, and (b) how he treats people who can't fight back.

The worse things get, the more hurtfull things I hear, the more I turn it all over to God and draw closer to Him.

Happy Birthday Mom! I love you :)

This "informal" sami better be very informal. According to normal college standards my room is spotless, perfect, and very very very clean. According to sami standards it's a disaster are, not fit living conditions, and is one of the dirtiest places in the world. I didn't duest and my sweeping job was less than poor. Jason still has my swiffer from the last sami.

One another note, recently I've had a lot to write about, but no time to time or motivation to write. When I do have free time I'm either studying or sleeping. Mostly sleeping. On that note, I think I'll go sleep some more.

7:48.6 2k time today. Coach Holland thought it was a personal best for me, but I think I beat that by 1 second or so last year. Still, a year ago at this time I hadn't even broken 8 minutes, or at least I don't think I had.

"Lord, show me what is in my heart, soul, mind, spirit and life that shouldn't be there. Teach me what I am not understanding. Convict me where I am misssing the mark. Tear down my arrogance, pride, fear, and insecurities, and help me to see the truth about myself, my life, and my cirmcumstances. Expose me to myself, Lord. I can take it. Enable me to correct the error of my ways. Help me to replace lies with truth and make changes that last."

That's a really hard prayer for me to pray, just like I'm not that thrilled about praying for humility. Sure, it's something I need and in the long run I'll be much better off, but getting there isn't very fun. In fact, it's rather painfull sometimes. Nobody, especially me, likes to have their weaknesses exposed, not even to themselves, but it's only when they are exposed that they can be taken care of. I need courage to pray that prayer.

Today I have something every hour, plus a 2k test this afternoon. Fun fun fun....

My Mii Art paper is done. Quote of the night, "I Hate Mil Art."

Yesterday we seat raced at practice. I, thankfully, wasn't one of the people to seat race, but was a rower for it. Good job Beth and Brandy:)

Going downhill like a truck without breaks.

Today was a pretty good day until this evening. It became a not so good evening because I couldn't go to OCF due to the Kermit Roosevelt lecture. Then, in the middle of the lecture, I realized that my throat was staring to feel weird. It's the weird feeling you get right before you get sick. Unfortunatly the feeling has not only not gone away, but I think I really am getting sick. Grrr. This isn't what I need right now.

Stresses in my life: Mil art paper, EE lab 3, 2K test, APFT, CS resubmission, CS project 2, Unit Fitness presentation, english paper # 2, 6 week grades.

Good things in my life: Church, friends, parents coming in week and a half, OCF, Schumachers house sometime in the future, music, sleep, fall, Wednesday night Bible study, water, good crew practices on the water, hours with no class,

A Trace of autumn drifts through the air in the early hours of the morning. The cool, crisp breeze takes me back to the fall of my plebe year and the anticipation I felt as Plebe Parent Weekend approached. Recollections of untroubled and cheerful days replace the memories of stress and anxiety that were the reality of my world. As time passes I am left remembering only the good times. My mind twists even the bad experiences into ones that I can look back on and fondly remember, for I can not help but think of the good that either came out of them, or the pleasant memories that coincided with that period. For some things it takes years for that to happen, but it always does happen. My memories bring me joy, not pain.

This evening I was able to talk to Betsy on IM, and then my parents on the phone. It's been a good evening.

Tomorrow I have a Mil Art drop. Yay! In tennis I think we're testing on the serve tomorrow. If there wasn't an out-of-bounds then I'd be fine. Thankfully we're allowed to retest as much as we want. I always thought I was coordinated until I started taking tennis. I'd probably play better if I were wearing a blindfold.

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the
frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Thanks Tia.

Blah. I just found 2 IM converstions from last december that I had with someone. I have no idea why I saved them. There's nothing special in them. A while ago I was actually looking for them because someone else wanted to see them, but I couldn't find them and so I thought I had deleted them. Then I randomly just came across them as I was looking for all of the pictures that I have saved on my computer, or at least used to have saved. I can't seem to find those. Now I think I will actually delete those conversations.

Right before lunch I passed Senator Clinton as I walked back to the barracks. She, along with the Supe, the Comm, and tons of other officers and aides, were standing on the steps of the mess hall. I don't remember any other senator getting so much publicity and it being such a big deal as it is for her to be here. There were cars and busses parked on the apron. I've never seen that before.

In english class we got our essays back today. That was after my teacher procceeded to tell us about how bad the all were. There were 2 D's and 2 F's in my section and I was sure that I was one of those. At the conference my teacher told me that my paper was right on the verge of being a D, but it was still an F. I worked on it, basically rewriting the entire thing, and tried to remember that I used to like to write. It turns out that I managed to do okay. I ended up with a B+ that is on the verge of being an A-. Needless to say, I was very suprised and very happy. In this journal I don't care about how I write. Hence the reason it's full of spelling, punctuation, and all sorts of grammatical errors.

After lunch I made a trip to the C-store to pick up a few things. I ended up buying a really cute shirt and another pair of kahki's.

Sad news. Tomorrow the cow's have the Kermit Roosevelt Lecture at 7:30-8:30pm. That means no ocf:(

Last night around 4am I heard someone run screaming through the hallway. This morning I found out that A4, or maybe it was H4, did a spirit mission on C4. The messed with a few of the guys bathrooms and also stole everyone's nametapes off our doors.

Today I only have three classes, and they are all in a row right before lunch. This afternoon I need to make a trip to the C-store. It was great being able to sleep until 6:25 this morning because there's no morning crew practice for the women's team anymore. Alyson woke up at 5:50 or so to get ready to go to sick call, and so I woke up then as well, but went back to sleep for another half an hour.

This turned out as a pretty good weekend. I was able to catch up on my sleep, hang out with my friends, and relax.

Last year I struggled with going to Church, but this year it's a high priority and I look forward to it. I spent the afternoon playing around with the template for this site, sleeping, and talking to friends. This evening I visited Annah for a bit, and Kristen gave me a picture taken over YWW. It's a cute picture, but I kind of wish she hadn't given it to me.

No more morning practice. YAY!!!! Hopefully that means that I'll be able to stay awake in classes from now on. On Wednesday we have a 2k test at practice.

I wish Betsy could come up here when my parents come for the Michigan Parents Club tailgate. Of course I wish Heidi could come as well, but Betsy's never been here.

"Look in my eyes, you might see a dim refletion of a memory or recollection of a day gone before. Then I was wise, at least within my own beholden, for the vanity of youth was golden, when my way was my own. But when you look me in the heart you'll see that I'm changing. When you look me in the heart His holiness shows. 'Cus underneath this mortal frame the Lord is reigning. You will see Him when you look me in the heart."

I love the Giants in the Land CD. I wish I could get the lyrics somewhere. They probably came with the CD, but I left the case and everything at home.

Michigan beat Notre Dame 38-0 and so they are now 3-0. GO BLUE!!!!!!!

Army lost to Rutgers.

Time for bed.

Last night I got 6.5 hours of sleep, and then I got another 2 hours this morning after breakfast and before the parade. Life is much better with a little more sleep.

Birthday's this week:

Leah: Happy Birthday on Thursday September 11
Brandi: Happy Birthday on Saturday September 13
Alyson: Happy Birtday on Sunday September 14

I am so very very very tired. Total physical and mental exhaustion. Mych to write about, but sleep is more of a priority. Actually I can lean my head back on my chair, close my eyes, and type, which is what I'm doing right now. That's better. I just can't keep my eyes open.

"I want to fall in love with you, I wante d to fall in you, I want to fall in love with you."

Yesterday was Leah's birrthday . Nina, Leah, Anne, Annah, and I went down to the cow club to help her celebrate. Anne and I drank Pepsi while everyone els drank because they wer all 21. It was a pretty good time. As the original group left one by one, some of our guy friends came over. The plebes in her company threw Leah a huge birthday party. They had to report by her room at 5:30 in the morning to clean it up, but it was still smelling for the majority of tthe day.

I avhe no idea how this post will look because I'm writing it in my sleep.

Last night I wanted to talk to someone about some stuff, and so I talked to to one of my friends for about an hour on the phone. I don't think I made any sense because I jumped from one subkkect to the nesxt. He was very nice and listedn and offered advice sometimes. We got off the phone about 1240.

"It's not my problmem any more., see it never really was...See I can play I can play a pretty convincing role. See I don't need you. I don't think I need you..."

Aww, Justin C. just came in, saw Ithat I'm really tired, and offered to take a check down to Mindy's raoom for me so that I could go to bed. Yay. No trip down to the second floor for me.

"Just wasting time. You don't feel anything. You're a boy ona string. Just a boy..."

"Lift me up when I'm falling. Lift me up, I need you to hold me and keep me from drowning again."

"I am the only one to blame for this. ..Souring on the wings of selfish pride I felw too hight. With a world I try so hard to leave behind. To rid myself of all buut love, to givae and die..Can I be the To love you, take my world apart. I am on my knees, take my woorld apart. Broken on my knees."

All lyrics are from Jars of clay and the songs that I'm currently listening to. Good Stuff.

I wonder how bad my speliing an d everyghing is in this post seeing how I'm not looking at what I'm typing and Im also half asleep.

This morning I woke up and was the best mood that a person can possibly been in at 5:05 am. On the way down to practice I was talking to one of my good friends and she told me that she had to talk to me and that I wouldn't be very happy with her about what she had to say. I had no idea what she could've been talking about. Later I found out and I must say that her decision will have to effect on how I think of her and our friendship. As long as she is happy, then I am happy.

At practice Coach Holland had Anne, Beth, Annah, and I in the quad. Practice was going really well, the water was flat, we were keeping up with the eight (which was actually a seven today), and we were rowing pretty well together. Then Coach had both boats do a drill where you start at the finish and then go arms away, pause, add the back, pause, and then slowly go up to the catch. Not a new drill by any means, but he had us do it all four together in the quad. When he said we were rowing all four together for it I had a bad feeling, but ignored it and figured everything would be okay. As we went up to the catch the boat started leaning to starboard and didn't stop untill we had completly flipped. As I went under I reached down to grab the string that is supposed to be between the shoes so that you can just pull on it and it undoes the velcroe. I'd forgotten that my seat didn't have that string between the shoes and so when I grabbed at it all I got was water. By that time I was basically strapped in the boat hanging upsidedown underwater. After realizeing the missing string I undid the velcroe by hand and managed to swim out from under the boat to the surface. I doubt I was under for more than 5-10 seconds, but everyone else in the boat had come to the top right away and when they started counting they realized that there were only 3 of them and that I was missing everybody started to get worried. We all were okay, the boat was fine and didnt' have any damage to it, and amazingly all of our sandles and water bottles were recovered. The water was also a lot wamer than it was last march when we swamped.

Today at OCF I felt a connection to God that I haven't felt in awhile. Last semester I really started to drift away and I knew it, but I didn't want to admit it. During the summer I hit a low point in my life and in my relationship with God. When that happened I turned back to God. I gave almost everything over to him, but still help onto some of my feelings hurt and shame and saw some things as a mark against my character. My relationship with God greatly increased over the past few weeks as I made changes in my life and made God a priority, but my relationship with him was hindered by the fact that I still held onto those feelings. I wasn't allowing myself to fully experience and accept his forgiveness and mercy. I was becoming more and more depressed and unhappy. Last night I realized that I had to let everything go and turn everything over to God. At OCF tonight I really felt God's mercy and forgivness for the first time. Instead of hurt and anger I felt joy and happiness. My focus was on God. It just kept building inside of me until I had to let it out and tell someone. I've never been really comfertable talking about God or my relationship with him to anyone, but tonight I was able to share everything with two of my friends, both of whom are Christians and one of them is in my small group. I'm just really happy and feel like I'm getting back to where I used to be and should be in my walk.

Today is my one day as CCQ this semester. Brad was very nice and took it for me for the first 50 min of my shift because I had to go to practice. When I got back the CO told me to go down to the basement and retrieve the CCQ desk which was stolen in a spirit mission last night. Besides that I've spent the morning trying to find the uniform order flyers for the Firstie's because they have the uniform show today and need the order forms. Somehow they've gotten lost between CGR and here. Around 9am I was falling asleep and so James let me use his coffee maker to make some coffee. The only problem is that I don't have any sugar for it and so I've been going around to just about every cow and firstie room looking for sugar. No luck so far. The coffee actually isn't that bad if you just add a little milk and don't have any sugar. It was also my first time actually making coffee. Poaring the water into the coffee maker, wow, that was hard.(sarcasm). I still prefer flavored coffee like hazelnut and french vanilla. Alyson has both of those and so later today I may test them out.

Other exciting news in my life....there isn't any. That goes for both news and life. Down the hall one of the plebes is practicing a wind instrument. I want to say oboe, but I'm not sure.

This morning the sunrise was awesome. It was one of the best ones I've ever seen.

Today turned out much better than I expected. The CS project beign due stressed me out and I was a bit nervous about the class I had to teach, but things turned out okay. Tomorrow, well actually today now, I have CCQ. My one shift this semester and it falls on the best/worst day to have it. I say that because I only have 2 classes tomorrow, plus there's only practice in the morning. Tomorrow is also OCF. I'm hoping to find someone to cover for me so I can go, but we'll see.

Can a person be a good leader, and, should they be in a position of authority if they are lacking in character in any part of their life? Yesterday I started compiling a list of people throughout history that I wanted to research based on that question. People such as President Clinton, President Nixon, President Kennedy, King Herod, King David, Samson, and so on. Having good character does not neccessarly make a person a good leader, but is there any correlation between lacking character and being a poor leader? I really wish I had time to research the question and write a paper on it because the question is one that has prevailed throughout history. Perhaps one day when I'm old and retired I'll get around to it, but I doubt it.

Forgetting your CS project is due the next day is not something I would recommend to anyone. It makes life pretty stressfull, in addition to the fact that I have to teach all the firsties in my company a respect class on cross-gender/cross-racial comunication, plus tomorrow is the erg workout from hell with rowing on the water in the afternoon and I have a quiz in IR that will be the only factor going into my 6 week grades. At least I found out that Comm's hour is free. I think tomorrow I'm going to live off coffee.

I know that I'm getting my priorities straight once again when Church and OCF become the things that I really look forward to during the week.

Mopping the floor, the last phase of SAMI cleaning, is going on right now. Alyson and I started cleaning today, more specifically I started on my stuff around 8pm. Now it's 1:50am. It's my first real SAMI in a two person room. So far I like it a lot better. Trying to make everything uniform and look neat is a lot easier. Plus, there's not as many things to dust and organize. I don't know why, but this year I have a lot less stuff than in past years. My desk drawers barely took anytime to straighten, and my overhead was a breeze. I only had to make one trip down to the trunk room and that was to drop off my bed roll, a pair of boots, one of my backpacks, and half of my laundry( I need to do laundry). Hmm, I guess I should edge dress the pair of boots that I wore today. Oh, and I have to write a correction card for my missing india whites. It is quite dirty, but I haven't gotten around to sending it out. After SAMI I have to remember to drop a pair of civies off in Leah's room. After the game some of us are going to the Schumacher's, but nobody wants to stay in white/grey longer than they have to, so Leah's parents are going to come and drop our civie's off for us.

Getting tired now. My SAMI cleaning adrenaline rush is dying down. At least I can sleep in tomorrow untill 6:15ish because there isn't practice.

Wow, you know you're tired when you imagine a line of penguins coming waddleing in through your door. Yeah, I need to get to bed.

The rain is finally gone for today at least. Right now it's sunny and the sky is blue. For most of the week it was grey, cold, and rainy. Tonight is a BBQ down at the boathouse followed by cleaning my room for SAMI tomorrow morning. Tomorrow is Army's first football game of the season and it's against Uconn. Will I be there? Of course. It's not like I have a choice in the matter. Somehow football and semi-formal uniforms don't really seem to go together to me.

I don't have anything to say right now so I'm just writing about nothing. I hope my contacts come in the mail soon. I have plenty of left eye ones left, but my right eye ones are definetly almost out.

My beloved water bottle broke:( I think I threw it on the ground a few too many times when I had to free my hands for either a boat or oars. It was the last in the line of cool water bottles that Molly didn't really like. I lost the first one when my boat swamped last spring in the Hudson. I have a few Nalgene bottles, but those take too long to drink out of during practice because you have to unscrew and screw back on the lid.

Things to look forward to: Sunny days; Leaves changing colors; the smell of fall and cool, crisp, air; snowboarding in winter; leaving on weekends for crew regattas with some of my best friends; hanging out in Philly over Columbus Day weekend; the Schumachers house; seeing my parents in 3 weeks; random afternoons with no classes; and seeing Isaac and Anna either at Thanksgiving or Christmas.

Dear Kate,
By now u shld have recvd note from Sarah.
The main problem with your rowing and one which I have not addressed is how you move your body at the finish, You don't want to jerk at oar handle w/ upper body as handle comes into the finish. You know how you are supposed to have body steady at catch? Well, it should be the same way at finish, steady and not lugging toward arms as oar handle comes in. At the end of the stroke, you are in a very bad physical position to make boat go faster. That is why your legs go down first, followed by your back, and last of all your arms pressing it in as hard as possible, BUT NOT SO HARD THAT YOUR BODY MOVES TOWARDS THE OAR HANDLE. Weight work and erg work will help a lot with this.

You appear to have a good attitude, a good work ethic, and I expect you to be in the first boat right straight through our first race, to the Dad Vail Championship.
Best,
Coach

I think he's the best coach I've ever had. I'm actually being really coached for the first time.

This morning at practice I found out that my first table comm, Richard Joyce '02, died in a hiking accident in Europe. His sister, Christy, is one of my classmates. I remember him and Patton hazing the other plebes at the table and I during Reorgy week plebe year. I was scared of him for the rest of the year. Richard Joyce, October 19 1979 - September 1 2003

Grrr. I want my comments to start working again, but it's being stupid and giving me errors.

"Describe a technique to determine your own individual maximal heart rate that would be more accurate than the formulas." My suggestion is to fall asleep in Lee, then wake up with a start, realize that you forgot to set your alarm and class started 20 minutes ago, run to your classroom which is on the 6th floor of Washington, and once you get there stop and check your heart rate after reporting to your teacher who is a LTC who writes people up for being even 30 seconds late to class. Somehow I don't think my Fitness Leader II teacher will except that answer to the question though. Oh, and that situation will never happen to me because 1. I live in Mac and so would never be asleep in Lee. 2. If I sleep during the day, which I don't have any time to do anyway so I don't, I always double check my alarm. 3. I have no classes on the 6th floor of Washington. I do think my answer is more creative than the one they are looking for, even though I don't know what answer they are looking for.

This morning I woke up for practice and looked down at my watch only to discover that it had died during the night. There's no reason why it should've died. I didn't abuse it like I do most watches and make it go through things like Buckner. I got it when I was in New Mexico. It had a nice easy life, and how does it repay me? By dying in the middle of the night. For practice I just used my heart rate monitor as a watch and then wore my nicer watch to class as usual. After lunch I made a trip to the C-store and bought a new one. It's a timex expedition and I must admit that it's a nicer looking sports watch than the one that just died, although that one wasn't bad at all. While at the C-store I also picked up a new toothbrush because the blue bristles on mine had started to fade to halfway down. I'm so bad at remembering when to replace tooth brushes. At the C-store I also picked up a Swiffer for SAMI this weekend. A free duster thing came with it. It has a lemony smell to it which is rather pleasent. I think I'll have fun dusting on Friday night. Hmm, while most college students party on Friday Fourth Regiment, minus F4 (stupid frogs) will be cleaning and dusting. Oh joy.

Ahhh. The wonders of venting. I feel much better now. I should probably go to sleep soon. Gotta love morning practice.

Ever feel like you just suck at life? Today was one of those days for me. It wasn't one major thing that made me feel like that, just some small things adding together. One of the good points of my day, however, was at crew practice. At first I thought coach had put me in the slower boat, but then as we started rowing I realized it was actually the faster boat. Way faster. I like rowing when you leave the other boat in the dust, especially when you start out behind.

Now I'm off to OCF. Yay:)

More later...

Tonight there is OCF! OCF is the highlight of my week. I'm glad that Leah convinced me to come along last november.

Still cold and grey outside. The plebes think that because they are wearing raincoats they can get away with falling out. The thing is, they all have a plebe look to them plus they all have the same plebe backpack. It's rather annoying when they try to walk past without greeting and without their hands cupped or anything. Why can't they just do the right thing and also realize they still stick out.

Hmm, I'm in a really pessimistic mood right now. I think it's a mixture of the weather and going back to class after a 3 day weekend. Today they annouced the 4th reg has a SAMI on Saturday. Oh joy. I also heard a horrible rumor that my company at least is going to have a SAMI before every home football game. All the football games this month are at home.

Typical West Point day outside right now. Grey, cold, and rainy.

Blah...

This weekend I was able to get a lot more sleep than I have been for the past few weeks. Last night I got 11 hours. That's almost 2 to 3 times as much as normal. It's a good thing that I have crew to burn off all of the good food I ate. Terry cooked for us twice and he is such a good cook. I also ate a ton ate a ton at the Schumachers house on Saturday. Today for breakfast/lunch Leah, Amanda, Brian, and I went into Highland Falls and ate at a tiny diner. The food was good, but definetly bad for you. Then we stopped at Dunkin Doughnuts to get coffee and doughnuts. Ugh, I've eaten so much.

Right now I don't feel like doing work, but I have a lot to do. Of course I didn't do very much this weekend when I had the opportunity to do it. The big thing is my english essay. I hate writing, not to mention the fact that I suck at it. Give me math instead any day and I'll be happy.

This evening I got a complement from Terry. After dinner he grabbed me and tried to put me in a headlock , but only half suceeded. I fought back and pulled him to the floor as I tried to get out of it. I managed to get in a fairly good position and as I drove my arm and eblow into his neck he told me I was tougher than I looked and said that you always had to look out for the quiet ones. He started to go for my eyes and so I was about to try and inflict more pain on him by either going for his eyes, under the ears, or between the thumb and pointer finger, but then Amy came over and started to tickle him, so I got up and finished clearing the table.

Today was a pretty good day, except that I didn't really get any homework done. I had a good talk with Annah this evening about stuff that's going on in my life and how I feel about somet things. I'm glad that I have friends here that I can go to talk about stuff.

I'm so used to getting things if I work hard enough, but in some cases that doesn't happen. The harder I try the more likely it is that I won't suceed. I've known this for awhile, but can't seem to do it. Perhaps now I'll start remembering.

Today was a pretty good day. I got up around 9am and at 10 I met up with some friends and we went for a hike north of WP. At one point we decided to hike up this hill, that in some parts was actually a cliff. It really wasn't that big of a climb, but it still made me a little nervous because I didn't know if I could trust my shoes because they were running shoes, not climbing shoes, plus, I looked down. Never look down. I tried not to think about what would happen if I slipped and just continued to climb. It was a nice challenge.

At 2 I went over to the Schumachers house with some of my friends from my OCF small group. We stayed there until 12:40. I love going over to their house. It's fun watching the boys play around, and today I actually joined in on the wrestling match. Playing with them and watching my friends wrestle with them made me miss Isaac and Annah. After dinner we started the second Lord of the Rings movie. I hadn't seen it before and thought it was pretty good.

What is happiness? More and more I'm looking around and seeing what I don't want out of life, but am still lost as to what I do want. I'm scared that I'll make a wrong turn somewhere down the road and one day find myself living a life I don't like in a job that I don't like with no hope.

This summer I was able to work at Sandia National Labs for 3 weeks. It was an awesome opportunity and I had a great time experiancing what New Mexico had to offer, meeting new people, and basically living on my own for the first time, but I also came to realize that I really don't want a desk job. Every morning I would wake up and dread having to go into work because time would pass so slowly at my desk. 8 hours seemed like an eternity. Perhaps it was just because I didn't really understand what I was doing, but all I know is that the happiest moment of my day was when I was able to walk out to my car and leave.

I don't want to be doing the same thing repetely everyday, but I also want some structure to what I'm doing. I want to be challenged, but not to the point that I feel like it's hopeless. Perhaps I'll find that in the Army. I wonder what the real Army is like. I've gone to West Point for 2 years now, but I have no clue what life is like in the real army. West Point is not the real army.

Just have to make it to lunch and then the weekend starts. This is the first time that I don't have anything in the afternoon. No classes, no practice, no mandatory dinner. Nothing. It's Labor Day weekend. Time for a break. Time to hang out with friends, have fun, and relax. Good stuff.l

The funeral was today. I didn't go, but know some people who did. I never knew him, but I've heard that he was an amazing guy and I wish I had known him. We had the TAPs vigil on Tuesday. Seeing his family there standing on the side of the plain watching the whole corps line up along the plain really moved me. I don't know how to describe what I feel as I stand there among the rest of the corps and think about how one of us is no longer there.

Tuesday evening before the TAPs vigil I thought about the fall of plebe year and everything that has happened since then. First I found out the week after plebe parent weekend that my oldest sister had cancer. She had the same cancer that my mom had when I was really little. Soon after that I learned that Jon, a boy from my Church back home, also had cancer. Those were both really hard things to come to terms with. The worst experiance, however, was going with one of my roommates to the top of Thayer hall and the back of Cullom Hall because one of our friends had not been where she was supposed to be and we did not know where she was and had reasons to believe that she may have jumped. I was so scared that I would see her body on the ground below. Thankfully, she had not jumped and later that night we found out what was going on and where she was. It was hard because I was not allowed to talk about it to anyone and nobody in the company knew anything except the CO and the TAC. The ending is bittersweet. My oldest sister is in remission now, my friend eventually decided it was best to leave the academy that spring after struggling with the decision for a few months, and Jon died in late July the next summer. Jon was such a good kid. He was only 14. Why him? Why Peter?

When my Grandpa died when I was 11 I kept saying that he was the lucky one because he was in Heaven. I believe that about Jon and Peter, but that doesn't make it any easier for those who knew them and wish they were still alive.

The most amazing thing happened this evening. I finished all of my homework for tomorrow and it's not even 10:40. I have other stuff that I should work on, but I'm a huge procrastinator.

This afternoon I took a nap for about an hour. I woke up feeling much worse than I had when I went to sleep. For the next hour after I woke up I felt like I was about to fall over. Today in CS Bea-hob had to keep poking me to keep me awake, and that was last hour. Thankfully tomorrow is Friday and this weekend is a three-day weekend due to Labor Day. I really shouldn't complain about being tired because a lot of people are much worse off than I am. My friends who are PSG's and 1st Sgt's probably get even less sleep than I do. It's my fault that I don't get enough sleep. I don't manage my time well enough and get easily distracted. At least this semester I'm not being stupid and trying to do homework in someone else's room. My priorities this semester are School, Crew, friends, in that order for the most part.

It's such a nice day outside. There's not at cloud in the sky, the temperature is perfect, and everything is to bright and cheerfull. The sunrise was beautiful this morning, although I prefer sunsets. The sky had pink stripes across it and the hills slowly lit up as the sun rose. Morning practices do have some nice things about them such as being able to see that, but usually I'm still half asleep and don't notice.

CRAP!!!! I forgot to sign up for my conferance with my english composition teacher. I was going to do that after IR because his office is in LH. Now I have to walk back there before going to Bartlett. Blah. Yes, I am a lazy bum.

This evening I gained a newfound respect for someone I know. He was able to do what many people cannot do, and by doing so he has become that much of a better person in my eyes.

This may sound really old fashioned, but after reading the two books by Joshua Harris, I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl, I really liked the idea and have read both books over again many times. A lot of relationships today seemed to be based on doing what feels good at the moment. I want a relationship that has a purpose and also has God, family, and friends involved. Have I done that in the past? Truthfully, no, but I've come to realize that I won't be happy with anything less. Anyway, I'd suggest the books to anyone who is interested. They are both really good and made me think about a lot of things. I don't think it's a good idea to start a relationship with someone you don't know, but instead it's better to become good friends first and see where it goes from there. In the past that is how I got some of my closest guy friends. We would like each other, but decide to be just friends. Over time we would get to know each other really well and become pretty close, but also find that we were not right for each other. By doing it that way we saved ourselves from a lot of pain and hurt. It's not an easy thing to decide to do, just be friends, but I think I like it best in the long run. I just hope that someday I'll find the right person.

This morning I had a good conversation with my dad on the phone when I called to tell him about an analogy I'd thought of. I wanted to get his opinion on it. He said it was a pretty good one. Perhaps I'll write it down later so I don't forget.

An email from my coach explaining to us why he missed practice this morning. He's a funny guy:)

Whichever of you gets this first could send it out. I need help setting up a distro. This computer is different from the one I had when I was in Thayer. That one was older, slower, and easier - just like its operator.
First of all, I have no excuse for missing this AM's practice. I am pleased and amazed that you got on the water.
My alarm is a clock radio. It is simple to use. (I can just hear Abby, Mindy, and Sarah saying that it would have to be - and Margo probably thinking it.)
Let me tell you how it works. It can be on, off, radio alarm, and buzzer alarm. Of course most of the day it is off. At night I usually turn it on looking for some right-wing talk show, and I might say, I am not usually disappointed. THEN, I turn it up loud and set it to radio alarm. BUT before GETTING to radio alarm the radio is turned off. This has been no problem for me because there is a little red light which indicates radio alarm is on. No red light, no alarm. Last night when I turned radio on I fell asleep and upon waking up, did not turn button far enough to alarm radio. I woke up at 0608 this morning. I was tired. I debated racing down to the BH to see the end of your practice which I figured would be on ergs, but a voice said to me:
"what if they went running? Then you would rush down there all for naught. Wouldn't it be better for an elderly (but still youthful in some ways) gentleman such as yourself to roll over and see what happened?" Well, what happened was that I slept until noon.
The only other failures I have had with this clock are two times when I wanted to get up at 5AM, but set it for 5PM. Both times some internal body clock woke me up, so I was OK. Seriously, I am the first person at the BH each AM. If I am not there by 0515 at the latest, it means that there has been a power failure, or that I have somehow managed to sleep through my alarm, so you should do what you did today, or better yet, get on the erg and do 3 2k pieces striving for your most
recent score plus 10 seconds on EACH PIECE. I would rest 6 minutes between pieces.
WE NEED EVEYONE AVAILABLE THIS PM
Best,
Coach

Yay! I'm happy. I just finished my scrolling sign for EE360. It's a pretty easy thing to build. All you have to do is solder all of the things and that takes about 3 hours. The message I have it scrolling is "Go Army Crew!" When I was walking out of Thayer I ran into Abby and showed it to her. She didn't believe that I built it myself because it looks more complicated than it realy is. I wish the rest of the labs in that class would be this easy, but I really doubt it.

I think I'm going to try to limit my time on IM. Putting up an away message just doesn't work for me. I spend far too much time on it when I should be doing homework. LTC Schumaker told Leah and I that he had started a petition to ban AIM at the Academy. We weren't very happy about it, but I think on my own I need to start limiting the amount of time I spend on it, especially this year. Even if I'm not talking to anybody I still spend too much time reading other people's away messages and stuff. It's just a big distraction. I do like talking on IM and it can be helpfull when I need to ask a friend question, but as I said it's more a distraction than a usefull tool most of the time.

Everyone here needs more sleep. I've been having a cup of coffee in the morning in an effort to stay awake. 4.5-5 hours of sleep is about how much I'm getting, and I know that a lot of my friends are getting even less. This afternoon I laid down for a 30 min nap, my first nap in a week or so. I think that was the best nap I've ever had, because I got up after 22 minutes and felt like I'd just slept for hours. 12 minutes into my nap something woke me up and I thought I'd slept through the alarm and that it was 2 hours later. In the span of 22 min I had 2 semi-dreams, neither of which I can remember. Today is the first day that I don't have something to do every hour. Perhaps with no IM and some "free time" I'll actually be able to do my homework well.

Crap. It's late and I have practice tomorrow morning.

Being a hermit looks really good right now.

Practice was pretty good this morning. We were able to go out on the water and row a bit. Coach Holland is so funny. He's very cynical and screams and yells a lot, but underneath it all he's actually okay. I'm still gettting used to his coaching style. At least he corrects me on things I need to fix, such as not bending the wrist on my outside hand. I had first hour class today, Mil Art, and decided to go to Grant and get some coffee in hopes of staying awake. Last week I could barely keep my eyes open and focused. Today I managed to just fine untill the very end of class when I started to get tired again. Thankfully the walk over to IR class wakes me up.

Last night I had a dream that started out with me at Putt-Putt golf, but I was inside playing that game where you roll the ball up a ramp and try and get it into one of the holes. At first I was only getting a few tickets, but then I discovered that I could drop the ball right into the 500pt hole and so I started getting more tickets. Then as I was pulling my tickets out I realized that if I just kept pulling I could get as many as I wanted. I ended up with over 1500 tickets to redeem. When I was redeeming them I found a little teddy bear or something that I wanted to get. I think it's hands or feet had lights on it that would make designs around a dark room. No clue where that came from. Then, all of a sudden I was over at Amy's old house and she was helping me out with some homework. I tried to help her out with hers and she got really mad at me and started yelling at me. Two words came out of my mouth that I would never say to anybody. After we yelled at each other I decided to go home and do my homework, but she told me about a guy who was going to be teaching people how to play paintball later that day and so I decided to do that. We both started walking back to my house together. The Marshall's were out on their driveway eating dinner out there and there were MP's at the end of Maple Dr. One of the MP's was a woman in her late 40's and I noticed that uniform was one that I'd never seen before. She was talking to the other MP because she thought she saw a sniper one of the rooftops. Right across from the house with the supposed sniper was a pile of backpacks, one of which was mine. I went over to get mine and ran into Ian there. He looked like I remember him looking from middle school. After I got my bag Amy and I continued up Maple and when we got to the intersection of Maple and Grandview I noticed a dead rabbit in the middle of the road. It was about the size of Asher, Betsy's rabbit and was defiently road kill. Amy and I started walking on Grandview toward Oak and that's where the dream ended.

I was thinking about the dream this morning and have figured out where a few of the things came from. I have no clue about the Putt-Putt stuff, but I think the Amy helping me out with homework was related to Brandi helping me out last night. I needed advice on if I should call someone or not. Thanks for the help:) The thing I said to Amy was actually an away message that a friend had up yesterday. The paintball thing stemmed from the fact that Dave wants me to set up a paintball game for the plebes in the company. The MP's and the sniper stem from the fact that I see MP's around all the time and that I recently was reading an article about another sniper attack at a gas station. The backpack was just my black school bag that I have here. I don't know why the Marshall's or the rabbit were in my dream. Why was Amy the one helping me out? I don't know. She was one of my best friends from preschool through high school, but we've drifted apart and are very different people now. I wonder how's she's doing.

This morning a few people didn't show up or were late for practice and so we couldn't go out on the water. Coach Holland was pretty mad about that. Already he's having us row both in the morning and afternoon on Tuesday and Wednesday in order to make up for Labor Day. He told us he didn't want to punish everyone who had actually been on time and that we were to go do a 6k on the erg for practice. Those who were late or didn't show up would have to do a 12k later. I hope I never sleep through my alarm. The 6k wasn't that bad. My goal was to get a better time than last week, and I did. This time I got a 25:19.9. That's a 48 second improvment. My splits averaged to a 2:06 something, but I wasn't that good at keeping a constant pace. They would jump around from a 2:04 to a 2:08, but usually I was able to keep them at a 2:06. The last 500m I sprinted and averaged a 1:58 split. I think that's the best 6k I've ever done, but I don't know for sure because I don't have my scores from last year. At least now I've maxed the first part of the Cadet Fitness Challenge for Fitness Leader II.

I think that I may go down and give blood today since we're rowing in the afternoons on Tuesday and Wednesday. Wednesday would be the only other day I could do it because I have 2 free hours in the afternoon, but rowing right after giving blood isn't a great idea. Today would just mean that I'd miss helping out with the novie tryouts. Coach Hanlon is announcing the novie team tomorrow.

Today was a suprisingly good day. It started off with me waking up sometime in the night and realizing that I was actually cold. My room...cold...unbelievable. It's been a sauna in here for the past 2 weeks. Snuggling under a blanket was definetly a pleasent change from the previous nights of avoiding blankets at all costs. All night I was in a pleasent mood and had good dreams. Then, when I woke up I had a very peacefull happy feeling. I don't know how to describe it. I felt very happy, yet calm. Not excited or anything, I just felt good. Everything seemed much better. For a moment I racked my brain to figure out why I felt that way, and then I remembered. It just seemed to fit. Everything seemed right. It was the first time my gut reaction had said it was okay and I knew that I hadn't been being stupid.

When I got up I had two emails from Anne about Church and breakfast. I missed breakfast, but met her at 10 to go to Church. Instead of going to the Cadet Chapel like we usually do we went with James to the Church of Christ. It's a nondemoninational Church that tries to preach straight from the Bible. The service was pretty good. I'd be interested in learning more about what their beliefs on baptism and communion are. Although I think I'll stick with the Cadet Chapel, I enjoy seeing what other services are like.

This afternoon I spent 3 hours in the basment of thayer soldering my EE365 scrolling sign. The fumes from the burnign solder on my solder iron gave me a headache.

My parents bought a new truck and are getting it on Thursday. It's a 2003 Dodge ram 2500 slt. Quad cab 4x4, 5.9L high output turbo diesel with a 4 speed automatic and a 3 7 3 axle and is patriot blue with a grey interior. I probably screwed up those details, but oh well. I don't know much about trucks.

Today did not turn out at all like I had planned. The boat house cleaning took 4 hours instead of 2 hours and so I was there until noon. When I got back up to my room I had an email from Leah saying that everyone was meeting down at the ferry at 1pm so that we could take the train into the city. When we went down there at 1pm Kristin was walking back up and said that the next one didn't leave until 2 so we all decided to go to Grant to get some food. When we went back down at 1:45 we were told that both ferrys were full and we'd have to wait for the next trip, but that would mean we would miss the 2:07 train and have to wait for the 3:07 one. Leah didn't want to stay out late because she'd already been out in the sun a lot in the morning and was still recovering from the effects of seriously almost dying this summer of heat stroke. We decided that it wasn't worth going into the city today and so we made our way back up the hill. I had a feeling that for some reason we really were not meant to go into the city today, and found out the reason later. I figured I could get some homework done and perhaps go work on my EE lab. Around 2:50 it suddenly hit me that the corsages for Ring Weekend were coming in today and I hadn't turned in the money or told anyone else to do it for me. Had I gone to the city I would've screwed over a few of the firsties in my company. Thankfully I didn't and I was able to pick up the corsages. I didn't end up doing any homework, but did take a nap for about 1.5 hours which was really nice. At 6 I went over to Kristin's room and Kristin, Annah, Leah, Anne, and I ordered food and watched the movie French Kiss. Celio came over 3/4 of the way through it and wasn't happy about having to watch a chick flick. The movie put me in a bad mood because I thought the guys in it were all creeps and some things just seemed way too familiar. On the way back to our rooms after it Anne and I went detoured through the mess hall and I picked up a leftover cheesecake from the banquet. James came over to my room and ate a piece and then I convinced Justin to come down and get one. Justin and I were both bored and so we decided to watch a movie in my room. It was The Count of Monte Cristo. I think it was a good movie. Spending time with Justin really brighten up my night.

"It is with deep regret the U.S. Military Academy announces the death of Cadet Peter Todd Heuchling, a member of the Class of 2006..."

It looks like my friends and the city are going to win. I do have a lot of work I need to do, but I also need a break. We're planning on going to some museums because Leah wants us all to wintness the fact that Celio actually likes museums and that we can verify that he actually went. I haven't really been to the city since Tee leave last semester. I've gone through it a few times on my way back to school, but not to spend any real time there. Today should be fun.

This morning I went down to the boathouse to help clean. It was only yucks and cows down there because plebes are on the plebe retreats and the firsties are gone for Ring Weekend. At one point I was really tired and so I was laying down on a bench sleeping when Beth came rushing in the room and told everyone that the Supe was there and so we should look like we're doing something. It's a good thing we had just finished most of the cleaning because the boathouse lookes sparkling. Later I was kinda helping putting in the new dock and so I was standing at the edge of it. There were a few wakes coming and as they hit the dock would bounce up and down. It was a lot of fun, but then a few huge ones hit and water flooded over the dock and everyone's shoes and socks were soaked. That didn't stop me from doing it again later.

I got to sleep in this morning...until 6:30am. It was better than getting up at 5:05 or earlier, which is what I've had to do this past week. Plus, my room is actually cooler than the hallway for once. I stuck the fan in the window so it blows out, not into the room. Inside air is sucked out and outside air comes in stronger from the other window. The result being that for once I did not wake up in the morning and feel like I was in a sauna. It's actually pretty nice in here now.

Big dilema. Go to the city today with my friends, or work on everything that I need to do. Short term happiness for more work later, or work now and not be as stressed out and busy later. I really want to go, but I also really need to work. :(

I have the room to myself this weekend since Alyson is on pass with Drew.

Jesus is still in control of my life
He's my Master and second to none
One day the LORD will break open the skies
So I guess you could say
I'm lookin' out
Lookin' out for Number One

Usin' people just to gain position
Whatever happened to the Golden Rule?
We've become a generation of power-hungry fools
Yeah, people livin' for their reputation
To make a name that everyone will know
What'll take to show that life's no one-man show

If you're thinkin' life is out to get you
And you're thinkin' you gotta protect yourself
Turn it over to the One who knows you so well

-Lookin' out for Number One, Wayne Watson

Hobbes is right. Life is nasty, brutish and short. I think he forsaw the future of the cadets at West Point when he wrote that so very long ago.

Right now I'm so cynical it's not even funny. Thankfully it's almost the weekend and perhaps I can grab a few more hours of sleep. I don't wnat to go out, I don't want to watch movies, I don't want to party. I want to sleep. Learning how to balance 9 classes, 2-a-day practices, company activities stuff, and friends sucks. I hope I get the hang of it soon.

Rest in peace Peter Heuchling.
My thoughts and prayers are with your family.

Margaret Guenther:
[W]e all need friends with whom we can speak of our deepest concerns, and who do not fear to speak the truth in love to us.


Barbara De Angelis:
Living with integrity means:
Not settling for less than what you know you deserve in your relationships.
Asking for what you want and need from others.
Speaking your truth, even though it might create conflict or tension.
Behaving in ways that are in harmony with your personal values.
Making choices based on what you believe, and not what others believe.


Marian Wright Edelman:
No one, Eleanor Roosevelt said, can make you feel inferior without your consent. Never give it.

Richard Needham:
Strong people make as many mistakes as weak people. Difference is that strong people admit their mistakes, laugh at them, learn from them. That is how they become strong.


Bernadette Devlin:
Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win.

As much as I disliked today I also really liked it. I'm stressed out, tired, not finished with my work, know that I'm yet again going to get at most 4 hours of sleep and have another very busy day tomorrow, and I'm loving every minute of it. I feel like I'm actually working and putting forth effort. I like the challenge of seeing how much I can handle and how well I handle it. The fact that it's a good balance of physical and academic stress is great. That way I'm not completley overloaded on one and they act as a break from the other one. The days I felt like I do right now during Buckner were the days I liked the best.

Anyway, I still have to do my reading for english and then get to bed so that I can get up and make it down to the boathouse by 5:30am.

Need I say more?

This morning at practice we were supposed to go out on the water, but when my boat set the shell down in the water we realized some shoes were missing. No water for us today :( I wasn't feeling great, but decided to pull my 6k piece on the erg that I have to do for the cow fitness test. I managed a 26:07.9. I wish I could remember what I pulled last year. That's about a 47/50 or a 48/50 on that portion of the test. I doubt I'll row one again on my own because we'll probably have to row them for practice someday when we're not out on the water. Hopefully I'll get it down in the 25 min range.

Back to the fact that I need more sleep. In Mil Art today we had a lecture which sucked for me. I couldn't even look at Prof. Rogers, the man speaking, because when I tried to focus on him my eyes would go cross eyed and I couldn't keep them open. The lecture was spent biting my cheek, strechting my back, pinching my arms, and trying to do anything that would keep me awake. I did my best to take notes because I figured that would help both for the class and to keep me awake. Doodling was very tempting, but LTC Gentile was sitting two seats down from me and I didn't think that would look very good if he saw my notes page and it was covered with pictures.

Last night I tried to get to sleep as early as possible, but was disctracted a few times while trying to finish my studying. At one point I wanted to kill Josh J. Okay, not kill, but at least send him off to antartica. I've been acting as the activities sgt/officer for the past week because he's been gone. Now he's back, but I'm still the one doing all of the work it seems. Last night he was supposed to come by so that I could brief him on everything that I've done and what stuff needs to get done and how to accomplish it. He never came by, but did send me an email asking to make slides for the Meet the Staff briefing today. Really, I shouldn't complain. It's not that bad. Besides, if it continues this way I may have a shot at actually doing stuff that I want to do, such as fixing up the dayroom.

Today wasn't a great day. Now I'm tired, stressed, and IM won't let me sign on. That's probably a good thing though because I need to do work and get to sleep so that I can get up for practice at 5:05am. Crap, I have a feeling that tomorrow morning there will be a urnalysis. Just a guess though.

This morning at practice we had to row a 2k on the erg. I got a 7:58.6. Not a great time, but I'm happy that at least I broke 8 minutes not having rowed on an erg since last May. Last year at this time I hadn't ever broken 8 minutes.

Wow! Sometimes I amaze myself with how stupid I am. I was looking at the time stamp on my most recent post and wondering why it said it was posted at 12:13.33 AM. I was looking at my clock and it said it was currently 1:18 PM and so I was wondering why the two times didn't match up. I even went and checked to make sure I had the time zone set right for the page. Then I realized that the times were different because I wrote and posted the entry last night. Why did I think it should say the current time???

Another stupid moment of the day was when my english teacher asked the class how many people had gone to the city on the train. For some reason I thought that "the city on the train" was the name of some place or city and I was wondering why so many people were raising their hands when I'd never even heard of it before. Then, as class was ending I realized that the title of one of the books we have for class was "Moves Writers Make" and was about how to write well. For the past week I thought the title was "Movies Writers Make" and assumed it was about movies or something to do with movie production. I think I need more sleep...

If you ever want to know if it's a feast day, check out my sister Heidi's site. Did you know that there was a St. Sharbel Makhlouf who was a lebanese hermit in the 19th Century? Now that's cool. He was a hermit. I'm thinking about becoming one as well. Imagine if there was someone named Kermit who became a hermit. He'd be Kermit the hermit :)

So much work and so little time. I haven't even started my reading for composition yet. It'd be nice if college was like elemetary school where the teachers spend the first week easing you back into the school year and you don't do any real work. I could go for some crayons and a coloring book right now. Recess would also be really nice. Of course, perhaps that is what Tennis is for. That class was pretty cool today, although I did have to run over to the c-store after lunch to buy some non-marking tennis shoes. I bought the only ones they carried and they are actually basketball shoes. Ah well.

Today I tried to help Brandi out with her blog by inserting the counter code in the spot she wanted it. The only problem was that I was in a hurry to get to class and when I finished I ran out the door and completly forgot to tell her that she needed to publish the blog again for the changes to show up. I remembered 2 hours later when I was sitting in my CS class because I realized I hadn't done that to my page either. When I finally made it back to my room in the evening she IM'd me and told me that she'd spent 2 hours trying to figure out why the changes hadn't shown up, but had eventually figured it out. I felt bad for wasting her time, but was glad that she managed to figure it out. I wish I had more time to spend on that sort of stuff because working on her page made me once again realize that I actually do at least like html. I like it most when I'm doing it for someone else though. I guess I just like trying to help people.

I'm listening to Staind right now and their 14 Shades of Grey CD. I listened to it a ton this summer at Buckner and in New Mexico. Now I relate it to New Mexico. Some songs remind me of Albuquerque and Sandia, some remind me of when I was driving around the state just looking at the landscape, and some remind me of the interns I hung out with.

hmm...

Classes have started, I'm in the army for at least the next 7 years, and my parents have gone home. It was nice spending time with them this weekend. They just celebrated their 25th wedding aniversery recently. They came up for the affermation ceremony that was last night. On Saturday they got to meet the Schumakers and then I went out to dinner with them. Sunday we went to church together and then out to lunch and shopping. I needed to buy some kahki's for the cadet casual uniform. Although I'd much rather be in gym-a, I'm not about to not get Cadet Casual and have to wear As For Class or White Over Grey all day when I go outside.

Crew starts today:) It's just a meeting though. Practice starts tomorrow morning and then I get to help out with tryout in the afternoon for the novies. It looks like I'll be kept pretty busy this semester with crew, school work, and activities stuff. I'm usually the most happy when I don't have a lot of time to just sit around and be a bum. This semester my goal is to improve the day room and bring it back into company social life.

This morning I had to get up at 3:55am to help administor a urnalysis to a different company. Fortunatly I was able to get back to bed by 5:30 and squeezed in another 30 min of sleep. Actually, it wasn't really sleep, just laying on my bed with my eyes closed trying to imagine what it'd be like if my room wasn't so hot and stuffy. The fan I bought yesterday has helped a little, but it's still pretty bad in here when the door is closed. Outside it's 59 degrees, in my room it was 90. Ah well, it's better than nothing.

Crap! Labor day is coming up and no definite plans have been set yet. My friends and I want to go white water rafting or rock climbing, but we've all been so busy this past week that nobody even thought about it. I suppose I should start working on that.

ARGH!!! I go to help a friend out with something on her web page and lose my most recent post I'm writing. When it tells you it saved it it's lying :(

hi

Tonights the big night where my classmates and I sign our lives away to the Army for the next 7 years. I wasn't at all nervous untill this afternoon. Now I'm a tiny bit nervous just because it's the real thing. I've never doubted that this is where I'm meant to be and where I'd be happiest. Still, I'm a bit nervous. There's no saftey net after this.

Why have I lost about half of my archived posts? Anyone know?

Drill again today. The A-day parade is tomorrow right after the brigade run. Everyone's wondering how many people will faint during the parade because of dehydration. It's so hot and pretty humid. Yesterday I saw a guy in the company right next to mine take a knee. Nobody fell over though, although I heard that the new cadet right behind me looked pretty close at one point. Thankfully the upperclassmen were at rest and so I turned around and told him to drink some water.

Today at the cow's supe briefing he put of the picture that had me in it from R-day. He must really like that picture becaused he used it last winter in a different briefing. I cringed, ducked down in my seat and tried to hide, but that was pretty hard with all of my friends around me laughing and pointing right at me. There's nothing like having a bad picture of yourself shown on a huge screen in front of 1000 of your friends and classmates.

Yesterday the power went out here from 4:10-9:20pm. I guess it was out over a lot of the east. When I called home they didnt' have power there either, and still didn't this morning. My parents are supposed to come up to West Point tomorrow so that they can see the affermation ceremony on Sunday, but that will only happen if power is back on there and in the states they have to travel through.

I bought Absolutely American at the bookstore right now and just started reading it even though I'm not even halfway finished with The Long Grey Line. I start reading a ton of books, but hardley ever finish any of them because I move onto a new, more exciting one. Right now I have 5 books on my bookshelf that I started reading but haven't finished.

Day 1:

05:15 wake up
05:40-07:15 Crew practice
07:35-08:30 History of the Military Art (HI301)
08:40-09:35 International Relations (SS307)
09:35-10:50 Off
10:50-11:45 Fitness Leader II(PE311)
12:05-12:30 Lunch formation/lunch
12:45-1:40 Deans/Comms hour
1:50-2:45 Tennis(PE444)
2:55 - 3:50 Data Structures(CS384)
4:00-6:00 Crew Practice/work out
6:00-7:00 Dinner
7:00-11:30 Study/Thinking about studying but not studying
11:30 TAPS/still studying or thinking about studying but not

Day 2:

05:15 wake up
05:40-07:15 Crew practice
07:35-08:30 Off
08:40-09:35 Introduction to Discrete Math(MA372)
09:35-10:50 Digital Computer Logic(EE360)
10:50-11:45 Advanced Composition(EN302)
12:05-12:30 Lunch formation/lunch
12:45-1:40 Deans/Comms hour
1:50-2:45 Off
2:55 - 3:50 Small Unit Leadership(MS301)
4:00-6:00 Crew Practice/work out
6:00-7:00 Dinner
7:00-11:30 Study/Thinking about studying but not studying
11:30 TAPS/still studying or thinking about studying but not

It's going to be a fun semester...

The new cadets have been here for 3 days now and their smell is starting to fade alittle, but it's still pretty bad during duties. I remember when I was a new cadet how sweaty and gross I was all the time. Thankfully that changes as you get used to life here and adjusted to the stress level, or in my case lack there of this year. While Alyson toils away at the computer working on excel spreadsheets for CCQ and CDO rosters, I sit around and do practically nothing. I asked to be a PSG, but instead I got Activites SGT. My big things of the week are collecting orders and money from the firsties for thier corsages for ring weekend, planning a small after affermation party for my class on Sunday night, and ordering company shirts and hats. Not quite the leadership role I had envisioned. This summer I found that I really liked being a squad leader. As to avoid being a complete bum now I try and do my share at duties. Last year I would only stop new cadets to tell them to drink water. This year I actually ask them knowledge. The hardest part for me is keeping a straight face and looking mean. I always want to smile. I'm getting better at it though. The events of this summer helped a lot.

The new cadets march back today. I haven't heard very good things about the class of '07. In a few more hours I'll find out if they are true.

My summer was pretty good. I really liked New Mexico. It's so different from Michigan and New York. It's hot, but not humid, the landscape is awesome, but very open. I saw my first sunrise the day I was leaving. It was awesome. My tolerance for spicy food has increased a ton. When I was at home my mom would give me funny looks when I dumped hot sauce on my plate. I haven't decided if I like red or green chili better. They both are good.

Crew starts again next Tuesday. We didn't get corps squad status because the football team paid their way out of the patriot league and so there wasn't money left for us. We are however allowed to have morning practices now. I'm really looking forward to everything starting.

20.5 credits again this semester. First round looks like the hardest one because I have tennis and cow fitness then. After that I only have my regular academic classes. This looks like a tough semester with Mil Art, IR, and composition all together. Hopefully next semester I'll have a little easier load.

I've been contemplating if I should continue writing in here. I have other things to do and other outlets now. I'll probably still continue, but not as often.

Leah reminded me today that God never gives you more than you can handle. I guess I should be happy that God trusts I can handle this much, but I must admit that it really sucks. However, I'll survive. I learned a good lesson, listen to you're gut instinct. When it tells you that someone isn't right for you, that something just isnt' right, when your friends say someone is a jerk, perhaps you should listen.

New Mexico has been hot...as in the weather. It's in the high 90's every day, but the saving factor is that there is practically no humidity. Besides, I spend most of the time inside in air conditioning doing work, or at least trying to do work. So far it's been pretty boring. On Wednesday I drove to Santa Fe for lunch. It's a nice city, but since I was alone and had never been there I had no idea what to do and so I walked around a bit and then drove the long way back to Albuquerque. During lunch I called Misha and we talked for a bit. This morning he IM'd me and gave me the name and phone number of one of his sister's friends who is doing an intership here for the summer so that hopefully we can hang out. It's rather boring here since I don't know anybody. Tonight I drove around trying to find the best gas price in the city, watch the sun set, and called some of my friends.

I went to the doctor today and found out that I actually have a double ear infection. Now I'm on antibiotics and ear drops, plus I'm taking lots of sudafed. What a wonderfull stay at home.

Actually it hasn't been that bad. Today I played laser tag with Steph. She invited me along to play with a bunch of Air Force people. It was really fun. Better than the MILES gear. Other than that I've been able to go out with a bunch of my friends. I was supposed to go to Cedar Point on Wednesday, but that ended up not working out at the last minute. I didn't minda that much about not going to Cedar Point since roller coasters are starting to not be as exciting to me, but I was kinda sad that I wouldn't get to hang out with Leah. I won't get to see her untill school starts.

Good news on the car front. I was able to reserve one today with enterprise. It's going to cost a lot, but I'll think it'll be worth it when I'm in New Mexico.

I feel like such a wimp right now. My ear really hurts. My dreams are even about my ear hurting, or at least have that in them. It's probably just a stupid ear infection or something, but I won't know until tomorrow at 11am when I have a doctors appointment. Argh.

I wish I were 21 so that I could rent a car when I'm in NM.

Once again I'm back home for 6 days. Buckner was an awesome experiance. I don't think I could've asked for a better detail. The cadre in my platoon were great, my squad was fantastic, and the training was excellent. I learned a lot and grew a lot over the past month. Being a squad leader was challenging to say the least, but the rewards make it all worth it. Seeing my squad work together, cheer each other on, tough it out, and push themselves to the limit more than made up for the lack of sleep and stress level I had to deal with. The best times were in fact the times when I had only gotten 2 hours of sleep or less that night and was running around trying to work for my squad. It was then that I felt I was actually doing something and making a difference. I'd change a few things if I could go back and do it over again, but that just shows me that I've taken away some learning points for the future. It's nice to have a break, but I also wish I could see how my squad fares with second detail. I know that they are going to improve even more and really excell this detail. Right now they may not be looking forward to infantry week, but I believe they'll come out of it with a really positive attitude and more cohesion. Crehan, Dahman, Ehlers, Fazio, Friters, Hughes, Klingensmith, McDonald, Obringer, Robinson, and White...thanks. You guys are great.