Packing is going extremely slow. My roommates have been wonderfull and put up with my mess so far. I'm sure that they'll be glad after tonight when everything is packed up. At least Tara will be glad. Alyson will probably start on her stuff.

This morning I rushed from breakfast back up to my room so that I could get to book return, but as I was walking down the hall with all of my books I looked at a sign and noticed that today it didn't open until 12, so I decided to walk down to Carlson Wagonlit to try and get my plane tickets worked out for my AIAD. Since it's Memorial Day the bus either wasn't running, or was on a really wierd scheduale and didn't come at the right time. I met up with 4 other guys headed down there and so we all walked in the rain together. We got there about 5 minutes before it should've opened, and then waited for about 10 minutes after it should've opened. It wasn't open today. I decided to go check out a different building by myself, which wasn't open either so I started to walk back. I made it 3/4 of the way back and then an officer offered me a ride the rest of the way. Around 11:15 I headed down to book return because I saw some people already going there. I was about 10th in line when I got there and it didn't even open for 45 minutes. People started to flow in really fast around 11:30. I ended up getting $131.50 for my books. It would've been more if I hadn't thrown away all of the CD's that came with the books. Joel went around and got other peoples books that they had thrown away. He ended up getting over $400. Since they take the money for the books when we buy them out of our cadet account it's kinda like free money when they pay us cash when we return them. I like the system.

Why couldn't the rain today have held off untill tomorrow morning? Oh well, Brigade runs are fun....riiiiiight.

My room is an absolute pit right now and it's all my fault. I'm trying to clean it out and in the process I've emptied out just about every nook and crany to get the junk cleared out and sort what needs to stay here, go home, and go to Buckner. It looks like a bomb exploded.

This weekend turned out pretty well. Saturday I didn't end up cleaning up my room at all because right after I got up one of my friends IM'd me and invited me to got to the city and watch the Yankee's game with him and some friends. I was debating to go or not but then he said that he'd come up here and beg me if I said no, and I didn't want him to see me in my pj's so i decided to go. (yes, for once I actually was wearing real pj's and not gym-a). We went to the city, walked around a bit, went to the game, went to Time's square, ate dinner, and then came back. Right after we got off the train in the city Jordan noticed that I had a big blue spot on the back of my shirt and so she let me borrow her sweatshirt for half the day. She got cold during the game and so I gave it back to her and decided to ignore the blue spot. Today I woke up around 11:30 and started cleaning out my desk.

On both Friday night and Saturday night Josh IM'd me around 3am to say hi. I was asleep both times, but it was really nice to wake up in the morning and see his message.

I got my CS grade today and somehow managed to get a B-. I had a C+ going into the TEE. In AP I ended up with a B- as well. I think I had a B going into the TEE.

One thing that is very nice about this weekend is that it's giving me a chance to relax, forget about school for the most part, and think about stuff that's going on in my life. This past week, or past few weeks should I say, were pretty stressfull with crew and school work competeing for my time. Towards the end of this week it was really starting to catch up to me and affect all areas of my life. It's nice to have some time to myself.

I guess I'll just start talking about what's on my mind. It's Josh. Not a big suprise there. He's usually what's on my mind. I can't help but wonder if I can ever mean as much to him as other girls have. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, and I try not to, but it happens. Because of that question in my mind I don't want to admit to myself or others how much I really feel about him or care about him because what if he doesn't to the same extent. Therefore I avoid thinking about it. I see it as a weakness because it's a place where I'm very vulnerable. I know that he does care about me and that he likes me. I like him, especially the little things that he does. This past week I spent a lot of time with him and had a good time. It will all work out and be okay.

Ahh yes, it's TEE leave once again and what am I doing this time? Sittting in my room. Of course, that is my fault because I decided that I wanted to spend the night here so that I can hopefully start and maybe even finish packing up my room this weekend. Last night I went out with Leah and we spent the night at the Hanlons. Right before we went over there we made a stop by the Comm's house. Celio was over there and wanted us to come by before we left. We went over and I met Gen. Brook's two daughters and his wife. Thankfully BG Brooks wasn't there. I'm sure he is a pleasent man, but still, he's the Comm. Today I came back to West Point so that I could pick up my AIAD orders and then I went back to the Hanlon's with Annah. Later Terry, Tia, Jordan, and Natalie came over and we all went out to dinner along with Amy, and then hung around the house some more. Annah was the only person not on pass so she had to come back to school by TAPs. I decided that I'd have a better chance at getting some work done on my room if I actually spent the night in it instead of at the Hanlons again. I don't think I've ever had the room to myself at night this year because I'm usually the person who isn't here. It's different.

4 out of my 6 TEE grades are in. Unfortunatly I'm not going to make the Dean's list this semester. I got a C+ in spanish, B- in physics, and a B in both probability & statistics and dirt. I'm still waiting on american politics and computer science. I think all grades have to be in by tomorrow, so I'll find out soon. That's one really nice thing about this school. There's a really fast turn around time for grades.

NOOO! I missed Steph's phone call again. I wish I could call her, but I don't have her phone number. It was kinda wierd today in the mess hall because for a moment I thought I saw her walk in, but then I looked again and it was just somebody who looked a lot like her. I wish I could talk to her and find out how basic went. She might be home when I'm home, so hopefully I'll see her then.

On a happy note all my TEE's are finally over. So far I only know how physics and dirt went. Still waiting on CS, Spanish, AP and Math. Spanish is the one I'm most worried about.

I have a lot to write about this weekend, but I don't know if I'll get to it or if I want to get to it. Sometimes it is easier just to ignore or avoid subjects.

I think I"m really nervous for some reason. I have my AP TEE in an hour and I should be studying, and I was, but all of a sudden I got really antzy. I don't know why, but I can't stop moving. My roommates think it's pretty funny. Doing push-ups didn't help, walking around the room just made it worse, and sitting still my leg bounces. I just hope that I don't crash during the TEE. That would really suck. I only get this way if I'm really stressed or tired. Only 3 more TEE's left, that's 10.5 hours of tests. I can do it. Halfway through right now. 1 more today, 2 more tomorrow, and then I'm done. Okay, I'm slowing down a bit now. My leg stopped taping. I should be able to get back to studying soon.

My parents sure do a lot for me. My mom bought me a plane ticket to come home tomorrow after my last TEE because I'm doing CPRC, but a few weeks after the people in charge said that was fine, they changed their minds and decided that going to Mini-Buckner was much more important and that I couldn't leave until a week from today. My cadet chain-of-command tried to let me leave early, but there's not much you can do when a LTC tells you something. I called home and told my parents about it and my Mom was wonderful and got my ticket changed. I don't think that was a cheap thing to do. It cost over $200, plus the time and energy. My Mom is a great person. She's always sending me packages with food and quarters for laundry. When my roommates need to find the address for CGR they just go through my stuff looking for a box from home because they know that I'll have at least one around and that it'll have the address. My Dad is always there for me when I have a question about why my computer is acting up. Once last year and then again once this year I was working on a CS project late at night and got stuck. I called home and he stayed up and helped me. They've been up here numerous times to visit, and even came to one of my regatta's this spring. When we came off the water from practice that day and were soaked to the skin, my parents collected up some of our clothes and went and found a laundrymat in town to dry them. My friends love them a ton. It meant a lot to Steph that they were still there for her even after I left to come here. Annah gets real excited everytime I tell her that they're coming. Of course, that doesn't prevent her from teasing me and saying I have the perfect midwestern family. I love my parents.

No hablo espanol. Mucho crapo. Oh well. It's all good.

Quick note: Below I'm using the terms optimistic and pessimistic in the way that most people tend to think of those words. Optimistic being positive and having a good outlook, pessimistc being more negative and a not so good outlook. They are not being used in the correct psychological way.

Now that I have a little time, or more that I'm putting off studying spanish and AP, I can talk some more about last night and the conclusion that I am actually an optimistic person. It started out with Bea-hob asking me why I always hated everything after I told him that I hate physics. I told him that it's not actually that I hate things, that is just the easiest answer to give at the moment and usually I'm not very fond of whatever it is. It's the slacker way out. That transitioned into us talking about personality. I said that I was a pessimistic optimistic person in that outwardly I usually sound pessimistic and try and perpare myself for the worst, but deep down I'm actually pretty optimistic and believe that everything will turn out okay, even pretty good. The reason that I don't say that out loud, or let myself think that in my head, is that I find it much easier to expect the worst and find out everything is just fine, rather than expect the best and be let down or dissapointed. Bea-hob told me that this meant that I had a deceptive personality. I asked Josh and Justin about it as well, and they both said it was deceptives due to the fact that I outwordly say something other than what I really feel deep down. I'd never really though of it that way and I didn't like it, so I decided it was time to put aside the pessimistic outward attitude and start focusing on the optimistic one. It's requiring a little more concentration on what I'm saying and thinking, but overall I think it's going pretty well so far.

2 down, 4 to go. This morning I took my physics Tee. I think my answer to the last question just about sums up the test. The question was basically "State if the experimental value was accurate or percise compared to the manufacturer's value. What was the main source of error?" My answer: " The experimental value was neither precise nor accurate when compared to the expected value. The main source of error was that I used the wrong equation because I had no idea what equation to use, or what it was that I was looking for. Other than that the main source of error was systematic due to the fact that the values did not overlap." I'm hoping that they are very generous with partial credit. If that's the case, then I have a chance at doing okay, I think. Otherwise...

Tomorrow I have Spanish and AP, and then on Thursday I have CS and Prob&Stats. Yes, 20 hours of tests in a week is great. At least it's combat PMI all week. And when I mean combat, I mean that I haven't even made my bed. It's great.

Time to start embracing the suppressed optimistic person inside of me. Everything is going to be okay. I may not have gotten all of the questions on the dirt Tee correct, but I'm pretty sure I passed.

Wish I could talk more about my switch from being an pessimistic optimistic person to just an optimistic person, but I need to get to bed. Physics Tee tomorrow. I can do this.

This weekend was one of those weekends that leave me feeling like I need to sit back and have a moment to think and organize my thoughts. It was fun, but overload. Saturday I hung out with Josh and Joel in NJ. We went and saw the Matrix Reloaded. I personally like the first Matrix better, but this one was okay. It had some pretty cool fight scenes. Then today I went over to the Shumackers house for our small group party. MAJ Shumacker, Brian, Jess, and I played bocci ball. MAJ Shumacker won by alot. This evening I had a Buckner meeting and there was some pizza to eat. I think I got a little food poisening from it. Tee's start tomorrow so I started studying and stressing. I guess lack of sleep and stress are the major contributers for feeling like I need to sit back and zone out the world for a few minutes.

In my mind I see things in terms of colors, time lines, and shapes. The colors I can't really give definate color names, but I can tell if they are dark or light. For example, my first grade room was light, where as the other first grade room across the hall was dark. The days of the week are arranged in my mind in a row of rectangles with each haveing a different color or shade. When I was little and memorized violin pieces by ear I would listen to them and develop a mental picture of the piece. Then, when I played the piece I would walk through that mental picture. When I hear music nowadays I still kind of do that. The only think missing from my mental picture is that there isn't any room place in it for the name of the piece or who it's by. There never has been, and perhaps there never will be. It just doesn't belong.

Time for bed.

Yay! I got to talk to Misha today. I haven't talk to him in so long because when he's online he's either busy, or I'm busy, or he's just not there. It sounds like the Chemistry department at UofM is just as bad, if not worse, than the one here. That is, it's a great department, but seems like a haze and everybody hates it. This weekend he's going to go see the new Matrix. I really want to see that.

Hmm, Mark just came by with laundry detergent he borrowed. I should've asked him if it's busy down there right now. I need to do some laundry.

When it rains, it pours. It's pouring right now. Today my stress level increased by the hour. I was told I have have the options of either doing the Air Assualt train-up duing TEE leave, passing and going to AA school, or doing a second detail. Plus, in 20 min I have my combatives TEE that i'm pretty nervous about. Added on top of that is the fact that for some reason I didn't go to bed until around 2 last night. Why? I'm not quite sure. I was working on Math and all of a sudden it was really late, but I still had to try and do Web Assign for physics. 2am is pretty late for me on a school night when I have to get up at 6 and I don't function well when I'm tired. The little stuff gets to me. If I'm ever in a bad mood or mad, the best bet is that I'm also very tired and exhausted.

I'm the Activies SGT next semester. Time to plan some BBQ's.

Today was a quite productive day for once. I got up this morning at 5:30 and Anne and I went over to Arvin gym and climbed the rope and did the monkey bars. We were going to do some sit-ups, but it was crowded where we were going to do them, so instead we did a short run. Then today in CS I got my project back. It was a C-, not great, but at least not failing. In Dirt I got out about 40 min early and so I went back to my room and filled out my itinerary for CPRC. MAJ Robinson handed back our AP papers in class today, but right before he handed them back he put up a power point slide of the top ten sentences he found in the papers. The number one sentence was "The 1770's were a time of peace, free love, and drugs." I did a lot better on my paper then I expected, which brightned my day even more. After lunch I went to dental sick call and got a filling. It's four hours later and the part of my mouth is still a little numb. From there I went to visit Josh and then came back to my room and emailed my DAC about getting an AIAD for this summer. Tonight I'm going over to the Surdu's house for a goodbye dinner. LTC Surdu is moving to a new post at the end of the month.

I just had my embarrasing experiance for the day/week/semester. This morning I was relaxing after my spanish oral TEE and and sitting at my desk with my belt undone and shirt untucked while reading the newspaper and listening to music. I looked up to see my TAC, 1st SGT, a Congressman, TACNCO, and a few other officers standing in my doorway entering the room. My roommates and I had to stand up at attention to greet them, but I was had the predicament that my shirt was untucked and belt was undone. I didn't have time to fix that or any way to do it inconspicously, so I just stood up and held the newspaper in front of me while trying to stand at attention. It was very embarrassing. The Congressman asked my roommates and I a few questions about where we were from, looked around the room a bit, and then left. I wanted to hide.

Last week of classes. Yuck year is almost over. YAY! This past year has pushed me, challenged me, broken me down, built me up, made me think, changed a few things and strengthend a few others. I wouldn't change anything, but I'm glad that I never have to go through it again. At least I hope that is the case. I'll see how everything turns out after TEE's are over.

Crew season is over. It went by so fast. This past weekend was Dad Vail and ECAC's. My boat raced 5 times over the course of the weekend. At Dad Vail's we made it to the semi-finals but unfortuantly did not make it to the finals this year. Then, on Sunday at ECAC's we won the Petite Finals by 0.2 seconds. I was so glad that we didn't end the season by losing yet another race by a tenth of a second. It's sad losing Kathie, Cas, AB, and Margaret, but I'm glad that they've survived West Point and get to graduate in a few days. Next year will be very different not having Coach Hall as a coach anymore and so many other people gone as well. I'm glad that I was able to row with all of them this season. Prarie Dogs, learning to scull, 5:30am practices, unexpectedly swimming in the Hudson, getting third at States, beating each other up at the Hanlon's house, spanking manatiees, contagious shoulder problems,West Virginia...need I say more, the super secret plan...It's been a good year.

: )

That's for you.

Yes, I am a pessimist. No, I don't think I work hard enough at anything. I just turned in my CS project and it royally sucked. I need to get out of this mood right now. All I'm doing is berating myself. Right now I'm not living up to my expectations and it really bothers me, but yet I also am not doing a whole lot about it. It's a catch-22. What I need to start doing is figuring out what I need to improve and actually work to improve it. Do I do enough, push myself enough? Other people work much harder than I do and seem to manage. Why do I feel like I'm sinking? I think I need sleep, but there are others things that I should be doing.

Outside B4 is playing dodgeball. Cool. Dodgeball at HVS was the best with those big mats to hide in and behind. That and kick the can in the dark.

I think I finally stuffed enough cardboard under the leg of my desk to prevent my top two drawers from slidding open all the time. It only took me a semester to do it.

Crap! I called Matt this evening but he was sleeping so I said I'd call him back, but I forgot. I think the last time I talked to him on the phone was over spring break. He's never home when I call. Such a busy guy.

This weekend at the New York State Championships my boat won our heat on Saturday and then got third place in the grand finals on Sunday. That means that now I have a shiny new medal hanging on my bookshelf. Overall Army placed second at the regatta. Not bad. I get to leave Thursday afternoon for the Dad Vail Championships in Philadelphia which are on Friday and Saturday. Sunday is the last regatta of the season and it's the ECAC in Camden NJ. It's going to be a busy week. We have practice in the mornings this week at 5:30 so that we can focus on homework and sleep in the afternoons. I have a big CS project due on Tuesday that I'm not very far on. Only two more weeks of classes before TEE's. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can....

Gotta love doing laundry. It makes me feel like a real college student. I wait until I have almost no clean clothes left, or none at all in the case of my crew clothes, and then search every corner, pocket, and drawer in my room for quarters so that I can actually do my laundry. My mom sometimes sends me a roll of $10 worth of quarters and I thought that I still had some left from the last time she sent them, but when I looked for them where I thought I had stashed them nothing was there. I started going through all of the pockets in my back packs, crew bag, and drawers and managed to find enough quarters for one load of laundry. Long ago I'd given up on trying to keep my white's sparkiling white here so I was just going to throw everything together, but then I rembered hearing some change jingle in my running suit pocket so I searched there. I didn't find any quarters, but I did find $3. I love finding money in pockets.

Yay! Josh just stopped by because he's out checking his squad's TA-50.

CS project or sleep?

I'm looking forward to the end of classes more and more. For some reason this week has left me extremely tired and exhausted. I've even decided to cut out my morning run for today and tomorrow in hopes getting a tiny bit more sleep and becoming more rested for NY States this weekend. Crew practice has left me drained of all energy and academics are slowly killing me. During practice I try and row as hard as I can and do my best, but I feel like it's not enough; that I'm not doing as well as everybody else and that I'm slowing down the boat.

Today in Prob &Stats class we got into a discussion about West Point vs. other colleges. My teacher put up and excell spreadsheet that showed the dean's guidance for grades here vs the dean at Harvard's guidance for grades. The point he was making was that if we went to Harvard, or any other school our GPA's would be raised by about a point. I'm not sure how accurate that is, but thinking that I'd have a 3.9 or so someplace else is nice. Too bad it's just not here.

On a more cheerful note, right now my hands are covered in glitter. For Easter my mom sent me some play-dough with glitter in it. I just picked some up and a lot of the glitter rubbed off on my hands. When I move my fingers back and forth really fast it looks cool.

The other day when I was in the library working on my AP paper I picked up the book Covered Wagon Women. It's a book of diaries and letters from women traveling west in the late 1850's. I've only had time to read a little of it so far, but it is pretty interesting and nice light reading. Although I'm not that great at history, I like reading about people's adventures and how they survived.

I survived today. I'm not sure how, but I made it through and am still alive and somewhat functioning.

My parents are coming to my regatta this weekend. YAY!! My mom called me today to tell me. This weekend is the New York State Championships.

At last, time for bed. I have a dirt WPR tomorrow that I'm not really ready for and probably should study some more for it, but I only got 2.5 hours of sleep last night and am tired. Today wore me out. At least I'm now done with my AP paper, math WPR, and in-ranks. Good night.

.59 seconds. That really is a split second. AUGH!!! That's how much Holy Cross beat us by this weekend. We had an awesome start and got half a boat length on everybody, but then in the last 100 meters the other teams picked up a better sprint than us. Holy Cross and us battled it out stroke for stroke with each boat getting ahead and then falling back in turn with each pass through the water. They just had one more stroke than we did and crossed the finish line first. We were so close.

Someone once told me that when you are mad at someone or want to say something mean about them, you should instead try and think of 10 nice things to say about them. I've tried to do that before and it helps a little. I also try and see things from the other persons point of view. Of course, that can lead to an arguement in my head between the two sides. I don't want to be selfish or self-centered, but that sometimes leads me to not say anything and I end up being unhappy or disliking something. I guess I have a problem with speaking what is on my mind. Some people do it too much, and then some don't do it enough. I'd rather not be on either side of the spectrum. I've found that I'm most comfertable in the middle. Perhaps it's time that I start stepping out of my comfort zone. But how? I don't want to go from not saying anything, to saying too much.

Why do I have childrens songs running through my head? Do you know the Muffin Man?

Eurika! I've figured it out. As a child I was terrified of the bath tub drain. When my mom would drain the bath tub after my bath I would start crying if any of my toys were left in there because I was sure that they would be sucked down the cm diameter holes of the drain covering. I was also sure that I would get sucked down as well if I was left in there. I think I may have figured out why I was so scared. It's because of the boy that lived down the drain. My dad used to sing Ba Ba Black Sheep as
Ba ba black sheep have you any wool
Yes sir yes sir three bags full
One for my master
One for the adme
One for the little boy who lives down the drain
instead of "one for the little boy who lives down the lane." That poor boy. How did he survive in that drain?

My last CCQ shift of the school year is underway. That is, it's my last schedualed one. During Tee's I'll probably have a few hours on the Q. I really should be doing homework, especially my AP paper or my CS project, but other stuff is more interesting. That other stuff being reading Readers Digest, playing solitare, randomly surfing the web, and talking to the BP. Life on the Q is pretty boring. I did manage to get all of my laundry done this morning and had a short break when I went to go take a math quiz. It was another 10/10. I just suck at the wpr's and projects. This, of course, is the one day in the history of crew that we have a day off. Normally I'd be rejoicing, but I was looking forward to getting away from the Q for a few hours. Now I'm stuck here while my friends sleep. Such is life. Really it's not too bad, at least not most of the time. The company is in PMI today so it makes my life a little easier. There's no AMI to check and I don't have to worry about room graders coming through.

My mom said that my laptop should be coming either today or tomorrow. I can't wait to have it back and working again. Tomorrow I leave for the Patriot League Championships around noon so I hope it comes today. It'll also be nice to have my water bottle. I lost my favorite one last week when the boat swamped and so I've been using one of my Nalgene bottles. The Nalgene bottles are great, but it takes too long tring to unscrew the lid and get a drink during practice. Molly keeps commenting that she likes my new water bottle more than my old one because it looks nicer. The one that my mom is sending me is exactly like the one I lost, but a different color. I wonder what Molly will think of that one.

Today Coach Hall moved me into the Varisty A boat. I still can't believe it and wonder if it will last. It'd be nice if everyone could row in the seat and boat that they wanted. Both boats just got switched around a little and while I moved up, my really good friend Leah moved down a boat. She really deserves to be in the A boat. She works harder than just about anyone I know, has one of the best erg times on the team, is very humble, very nice, very competitive, and is one of the coolest people I know. I wish there were more Leah's out there.

I got my physucks wpr back today and found out I got an 88.5% on it. The course average on it was around a 73% I think. That made me really happy because that may bring my grade up in that class to a B-. My grades really suck this semester. I just took a spanish WOPR which I'm pretty sure I failed. Forgetting the difference between por and para and the preterit and imperefect is not a good thing to do when that is what the majority of the test covers.

Yesterday after CS lab I had CS AI schedualed with Dr. Blair, but since I had a few minutes before AI and I was really down about the class I went searching for someone to talk to about my major. I tried LTC Phillips, who is my DAC, LTC Surdu, who is my sponsor, and Dr. Hanlon, who is one of my coachs. They are all in the EECS department, but I didn't manage to talk to any of them because they were either gone or busy talking to someone else. I ended up talking to Dr Blair and the first sentence out of my mouth was "Ma'am, I think I may have made a mistake when choosing my major." She sat down with me and told me that the impressions she got from me in class were that I had the ability to do the work, but didn't have much of a background with the stuff. She said that she thought I had the skill to get a B+/A-, but that I probably wasn't working up to my potential. My motivation is decidedly lacking. I go over to visit Josh and Joel is always sitting there working on the CS project. I hardly ever work on it. There's probably a direct correlation between how much I work I do and how much I enjoy the class. Right now I have problems with visualizing stuff and when I try and work on it back in my room it feels like I get even more lost and do everything wrong. I like working with computers and technology, but I'm not sure if I like this stuff. I do, but yet I don't.

Why does the regatta this weekend have to be away? It's the Big East Championship, formerly known as the Patriot League Championships. The one weekend...

Today I have exactly 6 months left as a teenager. Time sure does fly.

Coach Hall had us seat race today. We did six 1000 meter pieces. The first two I was in the boat with Kathie, Cas, and Leah. The other boat had Margo, Frannie, Mindy, and AB. None of us knew we were going to be seat racing at first, but it became pretty clear once Coach told us to get the boats even and start to row. My boat won the first 2 races, and then Coach switched Andrea and Leah, meaning that they were going to be seat racing each other. My boat won the next two races as well by and even larger margin, which I really wasn't expecting. Then Coach had Mindy and I switch boats. I didn't expect my boat to be able to keep up, but we ended up smoking the other boat twice. I think I saw Coach Holland's jaw drop when he saw us pass. Mindy got really upset because since my boat won that probably means that I beat her. That really suprised me because she has a better 2k erg time than me by 7 or 8 seconds. Oh well. Nobody really understands how Coach Hall does seat racing. For all I know I could have actually lost.

Why do things have to change? Is the first year of a sport always the best? The freshman softball team in high school was by far the best year, even though I was on varisty the other three years. We all bonded and had an awesome season. It's a bit early to say it about crew, but right now it looks like novie year may be the best year. There are a bunch of girls thinking about leaving the team next year to do other sports such as lacrosse and rugby. I have to admit that I'm not 100% sure that I'll stick with crew instead of trying a new sport next year. A few weeks ago Coach Holland came up to me and asked me if I was going to come back next year. I said I was pretty sure I would and he said that he wasn't looking for a definite answer right then, but he told me wanted me on the team. Last week he made sure to tell Molly and I that we didn't have to worry about making the team next year, and that went for all current varsity rowers. I guess that makes me ask myself why I row. Do I do it for the love of the sport, for my friends on the team, for the excercise, because I don't want to drill, or some other reason? I wasn't a big fan of the sport in high school and only did it in the fall to stay in shape for softball in the spring. When I visited West Point in the spring of my senior year I went down to crew practice and rode in the launch. I swore to myself that I'd never do crew here because I remembered not liking it very much. Occasionally, however, I would drive past the Huron River back home and acutally think about rowing and actually miss it. Plebe year Jasmin decided to try out to be a coxswain on the crew team. I went along to tryouts just because she was going. Once there I suddenly felt like I fit in and belonged. I prayed that I'd make the team, and was so happy when I did. Why does it feel like things are changing now? Coach Hall is leaving after this year to go work at the Pentagon, Larissa and Anne probably will go due rugby, lacrosse may get Leah, she was All American in high school, Molly is going to Air Force for a semester and Meghan is going to Navy. Why do things have to change?

I called home this evening and got to talk to Heidi, Betsy, Mom, Dad, Aunt Sue, Uncle Jeff, Grandma, and Isaac. Anna doesn't like talking on the phone. Isaac told me that he wished that I went to a school closer to home so that we could have an easter egg hunt again. Isaac is my favorite guy in the whole world. I wish that I could see Anna and Isaac more often. Hopefully I'll see them this summer.

HAPPY EASTER! Jesus is risen.

Peeps are one of the great things about Easter. They are so small, yellow, and cute with their little brown dotted eyes and sugar coating. They are also really fun to watch blow up in the microwave. Yes, peeps are great. I think I'll go microwave some right now.

Right now I'm a little mad, or perhaps pissed is a better word. This really does not happen all that often and when it does happen I feel bad for feeling this way. I also wonder whether I have the right to feel this way or if my hopes were not justified and I shouldn't have counted on whatever it was. I really try and give people the benefit of the doubt. I am so tempted to write about it, but I don't want to say anything bad about anybody and I'm afraid that might happen or it may come across that way. I'll just say that I was hoping to do something with a friend tonight, but he decided to go do something else.

Sometimes I feel like I'm being strung around and only a friend of convenience. I stopped talking about guys on here a while ago, but this time I'm going to make an exception and write whatever comes to my head. I know that the whole world can read this if they want to, which has made me more cautious since the incident last fall, but right now I just want to get this out of me.

I like this guy, he likes me, but we are only friends. At least that is what people are told when they ask about is going on between us. Why do I like him? Because I can talk to him, I'm comfortable around him, he can be a great guy sometimes, and sometimes he seems to care about me. He's someone I can call in the middle of the night if I need to talk. He opens me up more and challenges me; gets me to try new things and be a little more outgoing. The thing is, we are just friends. Actually, I don't think that description really works. A lot of people mistake us for being boyfriend/girlfriend, but we are not. Why? Because he does not want to be. That is the plain and simple answer, and when I read it and hear it in my mind it makes me feel like crap because I wonder if I'm selling myself short. His reasoning is that he's always had a girlfriend since the time he was 14 and this is the first time that he hasn't. I understand that, see the logic, and actually think it is a good thing for a person to experience life being single, but it leaves me with a kind of raw deal. Where is the line between being friends and being something more than friends? What are reasonable expectations? I'm left wondering if I want too much. Example, this is the last Saturday I'll be here due to crew and I was hoping to hang out with him and some friends. I also had a race this morning. I invited him to watch the race with some friends, but he had plans to go watch the Mets game in the city. Last night he told me that he'd be back around 7 or 8 and that maybe we could do something then. After he gets back I talk to his roommate, also a friend, and it seems like we all might go do something like go see a movie. I talk to my friend a little while later and he tells me that he's leaving in 10 min to go do something because he can't stand being here on a Saturday night. Neither can I. I am going crazy right now because there is nothing to do and everyone is gone. Since he never said that we would definitely do something, I do not have the right to be mad about that. He can do whatever he wants. I just was hoping to do something with him and was hoping that he wanted to do something with me. Half the time it seems like he really cares about me, likes me, and that there is something there. The other part of the time I feel like I'm nothing more than just another friend, someone who doesn't really matter to him, perhaps just another girl chasing after him, who likes him a lot more than he likes her.

The only solution to all of this that I can see right now is for me to back off and officially say that we are just friends, nothing more than that until he is ready for a relationship, if that ever happens. The problem is that I don't want to do that. I like feeling like I'm someone special to someone. I also don't exactly know what being just friends means. I care a lot about him, and I want him to also care about me, but that is his decision. I don't want to be the one putting all the work into something and be left high and dry because he's just been playing around. I don't want to like him more than he likes me. He's good at putting himself first, which is something that I've been bad at my whole life, but this time I think I'm going to try and do what I think is best for myself. I feel like I'm being selfish by doing it. I need advice.

One side note. Annah was very nice and did invite me out to the mall with her parents earlier in the evening, but I was about to go play frisbee with Anne and didn't want to ditch her. She'd been working on a paper all day and needed to get outside.

B...O...R...E...D

It's Saturday, the last Saturday that I have a chance to do something here in fact, and what am I doing? Nothing. Absolutly nothing. Yes, I am taking this time to grip, whine, complain and overall feel sorry for myself. I think I'll allow myself about 20 minutes of it and then get over it. Feeling sorry for oneself is only good for so long before it really becomes depressing and nobody wants to associate with you. My 20 minutes shall start...now.

Yesterday was good Friday. What was I along with the majority of the yearling class here, doing you may ask. We were studying for our physics wpr this morning. Yes, a physics test the saturday morning before Easter. What a great way to celebrate the holiday. The test went, well, I'll just leave it at the test went. It really could go either way. I know that I got at least one conceptual problem wrong, but I'm hoping that I got the bonus question correct. Right after the test I rushed back to my room and threw my rowing stuff together and headed down to the boat house. Army raced Marist here today, but they only brought one 8 of women and so the V8 raced them and won. Go Army! Coach had the rest of us split into three fours and race each other in the last race of the day. He did it so Molly, Abby, and I were all strokes of the boats. Yesterday at practice he made the comment "now we'll see who is the best stroke." He was just joking around of course, but I didn't want to lose to them. The race went well and my boat ended up winning. For some reason the past few races I've been getting really bad cramps right after the finish line after we stop rowing. It happened today right as we were landing and so I was doubled over in pain on the dock. They go away after a few minutes, but it seems like an eternity. I got a ride back up from one of the guys in my company who came down to watch the races. Now I'm back in my room with nothing to do. A lot of my friends have parents up here for the weekend and so they are out with them. I really want to go out, but no one is here. One of my friends said that said he'd let me know when he got back from the Mets game and so I'm hoping that happens because otherwise I might go crazy. I could do homework, but that seems like adding insult to injury. Besides, it'd be nice to forget about school for a few hours.

Time's up. I have to stop complaining and feeling sorry for myself now. I think I'll take a shower, watch a movie or read a book, and perhaps take a nap. Amaka might be on the Q so I may go visit her and see if any of my other friends are around. One thing I need to avoid is snacking on all of the candy in my room right now. Mindless eating is no good and very addictive. I may, however, go blow some peeps up in the company microwave. That's always amusing. They get really fat and then burst. Good old West Point fun.

Yes, I love studying for physics tests on a Friday night. There's nothing better in life than learning about circuits and the loop rule and junction rule. Kirchhoff was one cool guy. It's also great role playing. In one problem they have me as a platoon leader of a field artillery battery assigned the task of monitering the danger due to excess charge accumulation on 155m Howitzer projectiles in my unit area. In another problem I get to be the battalion signal officer taksed with setting up an antenna farm to support battalion operations. They must really like me to give me these positions. Enough sarcasm for now, back to studying.

One quick side note. I looked at the chain of command list for Beast 2, and I noticed that I was slated to be a squad leader in H Company. My 1st SGT was, get this, Erich. I knew there was a possibility of that happening and half of me said that it would happen, but the other half said that the odds were against it. Oh well, it doesn't really matter anyway. It was long ago and besides now I have CFT 1.

This week has turned out to be a pretty good week so far. That may change, however, tomorrow with the physics WPR. I passed the APFT, found out I got CPRC which means that I get to go home after my last TEE, Coach Hall selected me to take Larissa's spot in the first varsity boat because she couldn't come to the race, it's Easter on Sunday, everyone was just fine after the minor incident at practice on Wednesday, my Mom sent me a little Easter basket and included some danish puff and peeps, the trade went through with James and so I have CFT 1 now instead of AA4 and CBT2, and I got to miss class on Friday to go race at UCONN. Sure, the week had some low points, but right now I'm in a good mood and thinking of the good points.

How serious was the situation? I really don't know. There are so many things that could have happened, but they didn't and we all made it back okay and we all recovered just fine. Had it happened last week or the week before that, who knows. But it didn't happen then. Our boats swamped today, the day it was 82 degrees outside. The water was probably 35 or 40 degrees. Maybe warmer. I really have no clue, but it was very cold and had ice on it only a few weeks ago. What if Coach K and MAJ Hall had taken the people they fished out all the way back to the dock? But they didn't and they got the rest of us out in time.

I only started to get scared when Coach K left with two people and right then our shell started to sink. I'd been at least half an hour, maybe an 45 minutes since we had started to take on water. I thought she had left us out there all alone. The shell was completely submerged in the water and the current was pretty fast. It was then that the thought crossed my mind that if she had taken the people all the way back to the dock then the rest of us might not make it. Since we couldn't row anymore we made the decision to detach the oars and flip the shell so that we could use it to hold on to and float. I now know why we have to watch that safety video every year where it depicts this exact situation. Before we all laughed at it because no one thought that it'd ever be that serious. Last year a few boat swamped, but the coaches were right there and the water was warmer. This time we risked hypothermia after a few minutes in the water. The video also taught us to stay with the shell. It's hard to judge the distance to shore and people are more likely to die when they try and swim there on their own.

I don't know how long we were in the water holding on to the shell. Margaret told us to try and keep our feet out of the water because the air was much warmer. I'm guessing it was under 5 minutes from the time that we flipped the shell to the time that Coach Hall came and got us, but really I have no clue. Later on when I was talking to people they were saying that they felt like time slowed down and they were starting to feel delirious. Leah said that she started to try and gather up oars, but then someone told her to stop because the oars didn't really matter. They could float. It was more important to hold onto the shell and wait to get rescued. When Coach Hall came and picked us up he had us all huddle together in the center of his boat. We were all trying to unravel space blankets, but they were hard to unravel and our hands were all numb. One of the Coaches gave me his t-shirt. I tried to give it to one of the girls that looked colder than I did, but Sarah and Annah made me put it on. Since I'd lost my sandals when the boat swamped I had to run barefoot back to the boathouse once we got to the dock. The girls that were dry ran and got us the blankets we had for emergencies like this one, and then went up and turned on all of the showers for us. Some people were too cold to get out of their wet clothes themselves, so others had to help them.

The novices were very helpful and ran around doing what they could for us. A few of them made hot chocolate and coffee for anyone that wanted it. There was an ambulance waiting for us, but thankfully no one ended up needing it. I'm amazed that things turned out as well as they did. They didn't recover the shells until a few hours later and I have no clue what shape they are in. We lost a couple hundred dollars worth of equipment that was in the shells, but that's miniscule compared to the fact that all 18 of us who were in those two shells today that swamped were able to walk away from the whole thing just fine.

The APFT is over and once again I managed to avoid going on the Comm's remediation program. However, I am still very dissapointed in my performance. Although I did the most sit-ups I've ever done in the two minutes, my push-ups and run were significantly worse. I got cut 10-15 push-ups, which has never happened before either. I knew going to the grader sitting on the floor in a yoga position was a bad idea, but I didn't really have a choice. After the APFT was over Anne and I ran, or actually it was more a crawl because we couldn't move, to practice. Coach Hall had the brilliant idea of making that practice one of the hardest we've had all year. He had us do seat racing with 1000 meter pieces. I don't think I've ever pulled harder before in practice. Halfway through I decided that since I was already in so much pain a little more didn't matter. That actually was my savior because it got me through the mental block and I was able to look at Cas the whole time and row with all my strength while not thinking. I was 6 seat in the 73rd and so I was behind Kathie and Cas. I hope that someday I can row as well as they can row.

After practice Molly and I ran up to Mac Statue where LTC Surdu picked us up. We were still all sweaty and stuff because there wasn't any time to shower and change, but nobody said anything. Dinner was very delicous. Mrs. Surdu made Meatloaf, green beans, and corn souflee. I loved the corn souflee. Tommy and Sammy were once again very excited to see all of us and were running all over the place. They reminded me of Anna and Isaac.

This morning Anne and I once again got up to go running at 5:45. Last night I was very tempted to email her and cancel, but I didn't give in. When I told her that this morning she said that she felt the same way last night and so it's a good thing that neither of us acutally did try and get out of getting up. Last week when we went running it was freezing out and we had to wear our sweat suits and I wore a skull cap, but today it was 65 degrees out. We did a short jog around the plain and then stretched for the rest of the time because we wanted to allow our bodies a little recovery time. The air reminded me of Beast and the morning PT.

APFT today. YAY!! Can someone break my arm? Please..pretty please...with sugar on top? Oh well, I guess I may as well just get it over with instead of having to dread it later. Oh wait, I will because of AA school. I've realized that although I'm in shape for rowing, I'm not in great shape for the APFT. This afternoon I'm taking it with Anne and Leah, or at least that is the plan. What makes it even better is that Coach Hall has a really hard practice planned for today. He's seat racing some of us. I've heard that I'm up against Mindy. Tonight I'll be smoked. The one thing that I get to look forward to is dinner at the Surdu's house. LTC Surdu is leaving in a few weeks for a new command position and so his wife and him are having everyone over for a last dinner together. The sad part is that it means that I'll miss OCF tonight :(

I can't believe that Easter is this Sunday. It really doesn't feel like it. Betsy asked me if I was coming home for Easter because she wanted to introduce me to Roger (*loud sigh and dreamy look on face as I mock my sister*), but seeing as how I have a physics WPR and a race on that Saturday I told her it wasn't going to happen. Hopefully I'll get a chance to meet Roger when I'm home for the summer. He's one of the favorite topics of my family right now. They all seem to like him a lot.

So much more to write, but no time to do it. I can't wait for yearling year to end. Hopefully everyone wasn't lying to me when they told me that cow year is a lot better.

Is it really only Wednesday? This week is going by rather slowly. Friday afternoon I leave with the Crew team for the Knecht Cup in NJ. It'll be nice to get out of here. This place is extremly grey right now. Grey, cold, and rainy.

This week Anne and I are trying to get up everyday at 5:30am to go for a run at 5:40 for about 20 min. We went for about a 3 mile run on Sunday and realized that although we may be in shape for crew, rowing and running are very different. Josh doesn't think that we can last a week getting up that early. I'm determined to prove him wrong. Of course, once he said that he knew I'd try and prove him wrong and he said that, but that doesn't change anything.

Why do my friends have to be so smart? Anne and Molly are being interviewed this week to try out for the Truman Scholarship, Molly and Meghan just got accepted into the Academy exchange program, and over spring break I found out that Leah turned down a full ride to Princeton so that she could come here instead. Josh says he knew his square roots when he was four, last year Beth got the CS cookie tray (not the real name of the award), and Meghan recieved the history award. Both those awards go to the top person in those classes out of everyone in in our grade for the whole year. Then there's me who's just happy to have only 2 C's at 10 week grades.

What really gets me is that they all seem to be really good at learning for the sake of gaining an understanding and applying the material while thinking on their own. All my life I've been used to being spoon fed material, regurgttating it on a test, and then expeling it from my mind after having put no real thought into it on my own. I did not come to this realization until this past year, more specifically this past semester. Now I'm left wondering if I actually have any ability to think on my own and am almost envious of the natural ease at which they assertain things and put their own thoughts into it instead of just quoting verbatim what someone else has already discovered and concluded. They have the ability to think on a higher level and actually use that ability, whereas a lot of people see it as a wast of time and energy and conclude that the actual thinking should be left to other people while we cram for the next test so that we can just dump all of the information after it's over. Perhaps that is why I'm in college. So that I can learn to think.

This morning I was going to go to Church with Anne and the guys again and so I set my alarm for 9:20am and when it went off I procceeded to hit the snooze button until around 9:40. I got up, to a shower, got dressed, and was about to walk out the door when I saw I had an email in my inbox. It said: "Not a single one of you showed up!!! You all forgot to set your clocks ahead!!" I'd forgotten all about the time change. Oops! Needless to say, I did not make it to Church.

I know it's childish, but I still have that dream that a guy would come along and be like prince charming, or a knight in shining armor, fight some battle for me, and then sweep me off my feet. Too bad that only happens in fairy tales. This past summer my dad recommend that I read the book Wild At Heart by John Eldredge. It's mostly for men, but he suggested I read it because the profession I'm in means that there is a very high likelyhood that I'll be in charge of many men and he thought this might help me understand them a little more. I like the book so much that I actually gave a copy of it to my friend Frank, and he liked it so much that his whole family read it. Although I've read it a few times now, when I do read it I still try and hide that I'm reading it. A lot of people would laugh at it.

The first paragraph of the back cover states: "Every man was once a boy. And every little boy has big dreams: dreams of being the hero, of beating the bad guys, of doing daring feats and rescuing the damsel in distress. Every little girl has dreams, too: of being rescued by her price and swept up into a great adventure, knowing that she is the beauty." I may be a M16 fireing, ruck march marching, torn-up hands rower, who's in a uniform practically 24 hours a day, but inside I'm still that little girl wanting to be seen as a beauty worth fighting for.

Sometimes I think most guys are tired of trying to win girls. I'm not saying that I want to be some helpless girl that shrieks over a broken nail. Combatives happens to be my favorite class and for once in my life I am not scared about trying to go all out. I enjoy grappeling a ton and become very competitive. Perhaps I just haven't found the right guy and perhaps I haven't done my part either. Back in middle school I actually came across the book The Rules and, not knowing what it was, I read it. I don't really remember much about it, but I've probably broken just about every single rule. No, I'm not saying that I think the book was good and actually should be followed, I'm just trying to make the point that I'm not used to being patient and waiting for things to happen. I become impatient and try and get things moving along or whatever and usually end up messing everything up. I don't always want to be the one who always goes to visit the other person, is the one who calls, who starts the conversations, asks the person out, etc.

On a totally different subject, Army Crew did an awesome job today. My boat won both our races. The other varsity boat won both their races. The guys won all their races at MIT.

It's the weekend at last. Tomorrow morning I have my first regatta of the spring season against Fairfield and Sacred Heart. Right now I think I'm slated to row in the Varsity B 8, which is the second race, and then in a four after the novies race. I'll see how I'm doing tomorrow and make a decision after the first race on whether or not I think I can row. Today I was talking to Annah and she suggested that Coach Hall may be grooming me to be the stroke of the Varsity A boat when I'm a firstie. That'd be awesome, but since Coach Hall is leaving after this year and I've never rowed under Coach Holland, I don't know how good my chances are. Next year it'll probably be Margret Kenny or Mindy who's the stroke. I don't really know what the novies look like this year in terms of that, but I do know that the competition is going to increase next year on varsity with the way the novies erg scores look at the moment. Annah said that I had the best time on the B boat, but I know that there are at least two novies who beat me and even had better times than a few people on the A boat. Ah well, it just means that Army has an even better team.

I have a confession to make. I've started to listen to country music by my own free will and actually enjoy it. All my life I've detested it, but for some reason that's changing. In fact, for the past few days it's the only thing I've listened to on MSN radio. Right now my favorites are Toby Keith and Tim McGraw along with one song by Tracy Byrd.

Will this stupid cold please go away? It's getting rather annoying. I took the advice of S. Woods and bought some Cold-Eeze, but I can't tell if they're working. At least I'm not Celio and on bed rest for the week, or Tim and quarentined in the hospital. Actually, he's probably not quarentined anymore because they concluded he doesn't have SARS.

Yesterday Gov. Jeb Bush came and talked to the cadets in AP. That was cool.

The plebe had their crest unveiling dinner tonight. I wonder what their class crest looks like. Everyone makes fun of 2005's. They say it looks like the flag is being set on fire and that the eagle has three wings.

Sleep time. My favorite time of the day :)

Avoiding work at the moment. I have to write up my physics lab report that's due tomorrow, but right now I'm putting that off. Not the smartest idea, but oh well.

Today I finally got around to doing my taxes, or at least dropping off the stuff so that other people can do them for me.

Great news. My Mom doesn't have cancer. The results came back today. YAY! *jumping around the room*

Stop for a moment and breath. In, out, in, out. Open your eyes and look around. Get beyond the work and stress. You are very fortunate to be where you are right now. Don't forget that.

Awww. It's so cute. Betsy just started dating someone and things seem to be going very well. She's floating right now instead of walking.

I finally rowed my 2k yesterday before practice. The first 1000m I was doing awesome and averaging a 1:54min 500m split, but then I died during the second 1000m and my split rose to around 2:01min. My final time was 7:48.2, which is my second best yet. My best time was 7:47.3. Right now Coach Hall has me back as stroke of the varsity B boat. I love being stroke, although it's really hard sometimes. On Saturday we're racing the varsity A eight, and then two fours. I'm stroking one of the fours. Today at practice we rowed in the fours and Molly cox'd my boat. Usually I can maintain my cool and not get very annoyed during practice, but today my attitude wasn't great. My boat should've been the faster if you compared everyone's erg scores, but we just didn't have it. Molly had never coxed before and so we kinda swerved all over the place, which was one factor that slowed us down. Another was that the rest of the people in the boat wanted a really low stroke rating, like a 20, but I felt the boat moved best at a 24-26 and so I got very annoyed when I listened to them and kept it down at a 20 and we fell behind the other boat. On the last 1500 m piece we did I said screw it and raised the rating to 26-28 and we stayed ahead of the other boat the whole time,even though they pulled at least 4 more power 10's than us. I admit, my ratio sucks, but we were going nowhere fast at a 20 and just tireing ourselves out.

If I could be anywhere right now I'd be in the wilderness camping. It'd be in a mountainous, or at least hilly region. That way I could hike up to the top of a tall hill and look at the view. Perhaps I'd bring a good friend along, but right now I'm not sure. It'd be kinda nice to get away from everything for a little while and forget about the outside world. The only think to concentrate on would be survival. None of the small day to day pressures that cloud life. I'm not sure which part of the country I'd go to because right now a few parts look appealing. I really don't care where. I just want to be beautifull, secluded, and have some great views. My favorite part of this last summer was standing on top of a hill overlooking a valley and watching the sun set.

I used to do a small version of it when I was younger. There was a big overgrown field by my house and I'd go and hike through it for hours. It was large enough that in some places it seemed like it was the middle of nowwhere, but small enough that if I walked in any direction for more than 20 min I'd run into a major road or neighborhood. It was as good as I could get at the time. I loved doing that, being on my own, exploring, thinking, relaxing, seeing where nature lead me. I never got bored, but it usually wasn't enough. I didn't want a field, I wanted the real woods.

Right now I guess I want to get away from everything and recharge. Spring break didn't do it for me. Most breaks don't because there's the feeling that since I'm away from school I need to cram everything I want to do into that time that I have so that I don't miss out.

As a kid I loved books on people surviving in the wilderness. Books like Sign of the Beaver, Island of the Blue Dolphins, My Side of the Mountain, the first Box Car Children's book, the Little House on the Prarie books, etc.

Oh well, my wilderness adventure isn't going to happen anytime soon. Now I'm off to practice and then back to study for my Thayer day tomorrow.

Tough week ahead. Oh joy. They just keep coming. My first regatta is on Saturday. It's here against Fairfield. The guys are going to MIT to race.

Sitting around all day has left me feeling lazy and, well, blah. Today I should've gotten more fresh air that I did. I don't think walking between barracks to visit friends counts. My brain feels like mush. Ah well, back to homework. Dirt time.

I look and sound like crap right now. For some reason my left eye decided to turn red today and my cold, although a lot better than it was a few days ago, is leaving me very congested and coughing.

Yesterday there was a platoon competition in the morning, after which I went to the Hanlon's house for about 1 1/2 hours to celebrate Amy's birthday and also relax a bit. I said I'd be back around 3 or 4, and got back exactly at 3. In the evening I went out with a few friends to a pizza place and then a movie. It was a fun evening.

Being sick, tired, and stressed makes me a mess. I feel bad for my friends having to put up with me during these times when I blow stuff out of proportion and focus way too much attention on the little things that really don't mean anything.

My one good point of the night:
Me: it's like vegetables - they tast really gross when you eat them, but you can't grow with out them.
Friend: hmmmm?
Me: analogy. what's good for you in the long run doens't always feel like it at the moment.

Still learning, still growing, still changing. We'll see how it all turns out in the end. It's amazing how things change.

It takes me a while to get to know someone and be comfertable being myself around them. I guess I act different around different people based on how well I know them. I've really realized that this year. There are all number of examples that I could talk about, but I'll just stick to one or two. For example, this year I've started going to OCF, or Officer Christian Fellowship, after being invited by my friend Leah. The first few times during small group time I don't think I said a word. Instead, I sat, watched, and listened to everybody talk and interact to get a feel for the people and the group. Only after I started to become comfertable around the people and trust the group did I start expressing more of myself. Even now, however, I don't say a lot, but that's changing.

I'm about to start analyzing this to pieces. Actually, I've already started doing it in my head. Why do I always do that? I take some issue and tear it to pieces trying to find the root cause. Ahh! Now I'm going to start analyzing that problem. Time to take the advice I've recieved many times from a great friend, Matt, and just stop thinking.

Steph's probably off at Air Force basic training now. I hope she's doing okay. I think this will be a really good opportunity for her. She's another person it took me a while to become comfertable around. We met in 5th grade when we were on the same summer softball team. I thought she was so cool and was one of the best players. We played on the same softball and basketball team every year after that in middle school except for 8th grade when she was on a travel team. I wanted to be friends with her, but was really really shy in middle school and went to a different school than all the others girls on the team and was always really quiet. It wasn't until 10th grade that Steph and I became good friends. Steph's been one of my best friends since then. Senior year my friends Liz, Steph, and I did almost everything together in and out of school. The spring dance, coming home, was the dance that the girls asked the guys. Steph got me to ask the guy that I had a crush on to the dance. He said yes and Liz, Steph, and I were all going to go in a group with our dates, but when their dates fell through I ended up telling my date that I couldn't go anymore. That guy ended up asking me to prom and we kinda dated during the last few months I was home. That was also due in part to Steph and her convincing Jake and I to actually talk to each other because we were both shy.
Wow. High school flew by. That was 2 years ago. Hahaha, I bet I'm making some people feel pretty old right now. Sorry.

This week is almost over. YAY! Yesterday my cold got a lot worse and so I didn't row my 2K at practice. Leah and I are planning to row ours after practice today.

The amount of news coverage on the war is amazing. I think it helps more then hinders the war effort that reports are imbedded with the troops in Iraq.

My Mom's surgery went well yesterday and it appears that she doesn't have cancer. When my dad called and told me that I was so happy and relieved.

Yesterday I had to attend two lectures. One was for AP and the speaker was the Honerable Francis K. Brooks. He's a Congressman from Vermont and also the Comm's uncle. I don't remember the name of the proffessor who spoke at the other lecture, but it was by madatory for everyone in DFL. Everyone came away from that lecture wondering if that man had actually just said what we thought he said. I think his main point was to show that it's important to know more than one language and culture. He talked about how being bilingual means that you are culturally schizophrantic. His points were so scattered and overshadowed by worthless information that it was very hard to follow and get anything good out if the lecture. The part that everyone will never forget was when he closed by proposing the foundation of the United States Military Peace Academy (USMPA). Instead of Beast barracks, there'd be Peace Barracks. He'd even gone so far as to design the academy crest. Thankfully the course director for DFL did not allow any questions after the lecture.

Try saying "Bunker buster bombed" 10 times fast.

Can this week please just end. There's that one thing that makes it really suck, plus tomorrow I have a physics instructor writ, my math project due, and AI for my CS project, plus instead of doing FCDT on the M240 and M249 like I planned, I now have to do it on land navigation because the arms room isn't let anybody check out any weapons this week due to the M14 issue. That reminds me, I have to go pick up my M14 and also lock up all of my valuable stuff tonight since we're having a security inspection sometime tomorrow. On Thursday I have my CS project due, my mom has surgery, and I have a 2k test. Friday is a prob & stats quiz, Saturday is the best platoon competition. We were supposed to have a regatta, but Coast Guard chickened out of coming. At least there isn't SAMI on Saturday. The Shumackers are having out OCF group over Friday night. I really want to get out of here on Saturday night, especially since I don't know if I'll have another chance this year until TEE leave because of crew. I think next week is a home regatta, but I could be wrong.

Stress stinks. Arid works. Actually, I don't think it works very well. I perfer Secret Platinum Protection.

What should I be doing right now - homework. What am I actually doing right now - writing in this journal. Oh well.

This morning I woke up and it felt like I had slept in even though it was 6:11am. The feeling was rather nice and I was actually awake and alert in all of my classes. I'm guessing that not many other poeple can say that the day after spring break.

I said no to going to dance class tonight because I had to go work on my math project that is due on Wednesday. I have a CS project due Thursday and am really screwed on that one. Hopefully I can go in for AI tomorrow. I'm really sucking in that class right now.

Lot's of talk about the war. I try and stay as updated as possible.

Bea-hob just IM'd me. Haven't talked to him in awhile.

The weather was awesome today and the river looked like glass, but unfortuanatly we had to do a 30 min erg piece instead of going out on it. Tomorrow we're going out on the water. That'll be great, but the water will be much colder than the water in Florida. 2K on Thursday.

Annah, Jordan, and I are all in the same combatives class. It should be a very interesting class if any of us keep getting paired together. All of us have strong competitive streaks when it comes to that area. I can only really fight when physically provoked by someone on purpose, but once I get going I go all out if they are actually trying to fight. A different side of me comes out.


friend: do you feel like your journal help you in anyway?
me: it really used to help me a lot, but now i'm more cautious about what i write in it and have started a notebook journal that helps me more becuase that's where i really say what's on my mind. now i just feel like my online journal is self-centered and somewhat immature.
friend: why so?
me: all i do is talk about myself and my petty problems and life. there are much more important things going on that i could discuss, such as the war, but instead i focus on how i'm feeling and stuff like that

That's been on my mind.

Bad mood.

I'm back at school, my laptop isn't working properly and so I can't use it and don't know how to fix it, I have no clue how to do physics, I'm tired, boys suck currently, and basically just doing a lot of self-pitying. Perhaps I should stop now.

Hmm, good thoughts...um, my teddy bear is nice to hug, my ron jon flip flops are really comfy, the Dave Matthews concert tonight was really cool and I got to go to it, I talked to Frank over spring break and also had a really good conversation with Matt, Roger asked Betsy out on a another date, I'm wearing my really comfertable pj pants, neither beth, molly, nor meghan snored, it's warmer here than it was before. Now that I'm in a little bit of a better mood I think I'll go to bed.

Spring break starts today. YAY!! Breakfast formation was at 5:50 this morning and the first class started at 6:40. Thankfully the professors understood that none of use were really paying much attention and hadn't done much work last night to prepare. In fact, the only class that I did do anything in last night was AP. My last class was AP and my teacher let us out around 9:10, so I went and helped Josh pack up his room.

Yesterday was promotion for the plebes. I can't believe it's already been a year since I was promoted. It definetly felt different being the one pinning on the US brass on my plebe instead of being the one having it pinned on to me.

Last night I hung out in a friend's room until 15 min before taps and got back to my room and rememberd that before I started packing I first had to fold all of my laundry. I ended up staying up until around 1, I think. It's gotten to the point where I don't really remember what I time I got to bed anymore. Time just blends together here. The days drag by, but the weeks fly.

Lots of talk of the US going to war with Iraq. I could go into that, but I'm not going to right now. My teachers are starting to remind us to watch out for security hazards and other such stuff. I guess I should be a little more carefull.

I must say that this break, even if it is going to involve 6 hours of practice a day, is definetly needed. 3 weeks straight of 6 days of class a week is killing everyone here. 1 day weekends suck. I hope this spring break is as much fun, if not more fun, than last spring break. Coach added on two hours of practice to our day, but that just means that we'll come back in even better shape and hopefully all do really well on the APFT. That, and either I'll get a great tan or I'll be beet red. I can't wait.

My right knee swelled up once again. It's a tad worse this time and ever so annoying. Hopefully it will be fine by practice today. At least I can still bend it all the way unlike in high school when it happened a few times. Right now it basically just feels funny, weak, and a little stiff. My guess is that it's from having 5 days of hard practice last week and then going for the ruck march on Saturday. I took Sunday off to rest because of all of that, plus I rarely do any type of physical activity on Sunday. Yes, I am a lazy bum.

4 days...

The closer spring break gets the more I want to get away from here. I just have to survive until Friday afternoon. Four and a half days.

Yes, I love Saturday Classes. They make my life complete. It's so sad that next year they're getting rid of them. I think I'm going to cry. What will I do on Saturdays? Perhaps I'll have a SAMI every Saturday morning so that I have something to do, but it won't be the same. No As For Class, no chicken -on-a-stick that looks more like dead rat on a stick for lunch, no physics class first thing in the morning. Life will be miserable without these Saturday class days next year. I guess I'll just have to enjoy them while they last.


If anyone believes that I actually like going to class on Saturday go haze yourself in the mirror.

Blah. While most people here are counting down the days, and some even the hours and minutes until spring break I am still just trying to make it through the day. The teacher's pre-break rush of projects and papers is starting to hit me in full swing. Right now it's an AP paper, CS project, and Math project probably mixed in with some tests and quizzes that I've forgotten about. Of course behind on all of them at the moment. My friends tell me that there are 8 days left until that glorious day of freedom comes. In the true West Point way there is a compressed scheduale that day and a full class day once again this weekend on Saturday.

This week we were supposed to get on the water for crew, but there's still a bunch of ice left. Coach Hall is taking this opportunity to kill us on the ergs. Thankfully he's let us be in the tanks for the past two days, but that just means that he can torture us again tomorrow. Today at practice he was actually saying something about how he want's us to be in a lot of pain. I understand his point, but does he actually have to go and admit it to us? I think he enjoys seeing us grimice during the 12th 500m sprint on the erg we do at 100% pressure. Hopefully all this work will pay off and we'll blow the other teams out of the water this spring.

Since I got the AA slot I can't do the Microsoft AIAD. Oh well. Now I have to get in shape for AA. Anne and I are planning on going for a ruck march on Saturday after classes. I need to start running and doing pushups a lot more. At least now I have some serious motivation to work out really hard.

Today it snowed 4-5 inches. Maybe I'll go snowboarding this weekend if there's time. It's doubtfull, but you never know. It'd be really nice to take OPP's Saturday and go somewhere away from here with some friends.

I wonder if people are annoyed that this is a journal and not a true blog. Not that I really care. It seems rather petty.

The Cow's got their loans today. $25,000 at 1% interest and they don't have to start paying it off until after graduation when it comes directly out of their pay for 5 years. It's a rather good deal if you invest it wisely. Once again in the words of Coach Hall: "There's a big difference between No Risk and Low Risk." I have a lot of respect for him, but I still think he has horns growing out of his head.

Now it's time to get back to doing homework. Does it ever end?

I've started reading I kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl, both by Joshua Harris, for about the 10 millionth time. Both are very good books and make me thing about things going on in my life and what choices I want to make. I want to recommend them to some people, but they'd probably think I'm crazy. I think that the books present some excellent points about dating and relationships and that that anyone can get something out of reading them.

I went to give blood this afternoon with Reggie around 3 and felt fine right afterword, but then walking back up to the barracks I started to feel light-headed and by the time we reached the barracks I was feeling pretty bad. When I got back to my room I collapsed on my bed and didn't move from that position for about 45 min. Reggie also crashed when he got back to his room, or so I'm told. I'd been planning on going to practice, but that definetly didn't happen. I was a little light-headed and loopy until around 7pm.

It's Monday night meaning that Alyson and Brian have dance lessons once again, but once again Alyson asked me at the last minute to fill in for her. It think tonight was the 5th lesson, but she's only gone to the first one. I went to the second one with Brian and every lesson after that she would ask me to fill in for her because something would come up, but Brian ends up having a conflict as well and can't make it. I guess they make good partners, except they forget to tell me that they can't make it until 10 or 20 minutes before the class and so I'm rushing around to change because Alyson can't make it, and then I find out that I don't have to go because Brian calls or IM's and says he can't make it either. It's getting rather annoying.

I have this friend that I talk to and hang out with a lot and I think that some people are starting to think that we're more than just friends which isn't the case. People start thinking things when you're seen with a guy a lot, even if it really isn't anything. I'm starting to feel kinda weird going to his room because some of my friends are starting to ask "Kate, what's going on with you and ..." and there isn't anything going on. We're just good friends. I want to be good friends with him and I don't want anything to change. Does it really matter what other people think?

A cold snap hit West Point this morning. I woke up thinking it would be warm out since yesterday it was around 40 degrees, but it turns out the temperature was around 7 degrees and really windy. The good thing was the breakfast formation was indoors. Walking to class I wore my gray jacket and garrison cap instead of the black parka and skull cap. That wasn't the best idea since the wind was really strong and my ears froze. Oh well.

6 week grades came out this weekend. I'm really hurting right now. I have a C- in Spanish, 3 C+'s, one B, and an A-. If I want to keep my NSA intership AIAD that I have for next summer I need to bring all my grades up to at least B's. It's going to be a tough semester with physics and crew.

Today I got an email asking me if I'm still interested in the Microsoft AIAD this summer. The description of it is:

You’ll find the energy and innovation of a start-up, and the resources and support of a Fortune 500 leader. Headquartered in Redmond, Washington, Microsoft (NASDQ symbol: MSFT) employs thousands of people in a wide array of fields. Our core mission: create groundbreaking technology that unleashes creativity, connects businesses, and makes learning more fun. We enable people and businesses throughout the world to realize their full potential. From Xbox to Windows, Office to MSN we invite you to get an inside view of our world. What have you done with your software lately? It’s a hard-working, world-changing environment—one powered by challenge-seekers a lot like you. Learn more about Microsoft at www.microsoft.com.

Right now it fits into my summer scheduale because I don't currently have a MIAD and the only other thing that I'm doing is Beast 2 as a squad leader. I'm hoping that and Airborne slot opens up so that I can get that out of the way. I had and Air Assault slot last week, but I gave it away after 10 minutes first becasue I really don't want to go to Air Assault school, plus, Ari told me that if I keep it I don't have a chance at Airborne school this summer. The Microsoft thing is either from 2 June to 20 june, or 9 June to 27 June. Beast 2 doesn't start until either 10 July or 13 July. I don't remember which one right now. I don't really care about summer vacation anymore so that's not a huge factor in the equation, plus I don't think I'm allowed more than 3 weeks of vacation and if I don't take this slot then I'll have 5 weeks. I guess I should just reply and say that I'm still interested.

All I really care about is keeping my NSA slot for next summer. I have a post-it note stuck up on the bookshelf above my desk that says "NSA" so that I keep focused on the goal. It feels really good to have a goal again.

I was going to write something tonight, but now it seems too personal. I used to talk about guys all the time on here, but now I know that people actually read this and it seems kinda weird to talk about who I like or anything related to that subject. I've thought about starting a real journal, the pen and paper kind so that I can write down more personal things, but so far I haven't gotten around to it. I don't like writing when I don't have anyone to write to.

This morning I woke up and looked outside and it was pouring rain and this place looked more gray then ever. The idea of not going to Church in sounded very appealing because I didn't feeling like going out in the rain in dress gray. However, 10 min before I was supposed to be at Anne's room I finally decided to change and go. Two of Anne's friends went with us and after Church we kind of lost them in the shuffle of putting on our rain coats and everything. It turns out they ended up waiting outside the Church for us when we had already left. Later on they sent Anne an email that said:

"John and I waited in the rain outside the chapel for you and Kate. However, you two had already decided to leave us behind. For that you will receive the dreaded picture which depicts what you are."
~Ken

Attached was a picture of the muppet bald eagle with a blueish tint to it and titled Blue Falcon. I laughed and then sent Anne an email saying that I was hanging my head in shame.

This afternoon the rain stopped and amazingly enough the rain stopped and the sun started shining. It's so nice out right now. The temp is around 40 degrees out and the sky is pretty clear, but with a few wispy clouds left. I really want to go on a walk tonight and enjoy it. When I was walking to Grant to get some food I suddenly was reminded of summer evenings at home. It was something about the smell and the look of everything. It was a carefree, fresh, energetic feeling.

Spring break is in less the 2 weeks. Yay. I'm really looking forward to going to Florida. Warm weather, fun with some of my best friends, plus I'll get a really good work out.

Yesterday was 100th night for the Firsties. At the 100th night show I was looking at all of the firstie guys their civilian dates in there beautiful dresses wishing that I could look like that. They all looked so perfect together. There was a suprise at the end of the show when one of the guys in the show actually proposed to his girlfriend who was also in the show. They were both cadets. It was really cute, but my friends and I later talked about the guts that guy must have to do that in front of all of the people there, which included some generals.

Only a few 3 more months and I'm a cow :)

Physics test tomorrow. Yay! That's just want I wanted to do on my Saturday morning. Okay, not really. I just want to pass. Physics is really making me work this semester. If I could only have Anne's brain. I think she's the only person I know who doesn't have to take second semester of physics because she already knows all the stuff. She's only in one yuk class this semester, wellness, and that's not even a real class in my opinion. Anne is also an awesome coxswain. Go Anne!

Yesterday I went over to Anthea's room for some help in spanish. I came out of there having learned a few more words and increased my confidence by a lot. Tonight she's on the Q so I think I'll stop by with some girl scout cookies and get some more help.

I feel like my world is slowly spinning downward. Grades, crew, friends, family, everything. The other day Mark asked me if I was okay because he said that I was starting to act like him. I don't know what's wrong. There's a real lack of motivation and I feel like there is a weight hanging on me.

Today I got my physics phaseline writ back. I barely passed with a 73/100. In math I got a 10/10 on a quiz where the average was 5/10, but we also had to turn in out math projects I don't think that my partner and I did the excel spreedsheet correctly or did the write-up very well. Then, in spanish we got back the wpr's from last week which I thought I'd done okay on, or at least passed. I got a 64%. There's a physics wpr on Saturday morning, AP wpr tomorrow, and 6 week grades come out at the end of this week. This is the first time that I'm actually concerned about those because of the grades in some of my classes.

When was it that I stopped being able to turn to my parents for someone to talk to? This has been on my mind for a few months or more. I don't tell them very much about my life. At least I don't think that I do. Sure, I tell them the basic facts about what I've been up to and what's new with life here, but I don't talk to them very much about guys, friends, how I'm feeling about stuff, and other things that sometimes I wish I could talk to them about. I don't know what that's the case. Perhaps it is because I don't want to dissapoint them or something, so I just hide some stuff. I also don't want to get lectured or be preached to. I know that if I tell my sisters something it'll probably reach my parents, so I don't tell them much stuff either. Why do I feel a need to do this? I guess I don't know how to talk to them.

Gotta love drunk cows and firsties. Tonight there was a cow/firstie bash and now they are all coming back. I'm on the Q and so I get to laugh at all of them.

Not much new going on here. Spring break is in 3 weeks. Once again the crew team is training over the break, but this year it's in Florida. There are some really good novies this year which is good, but that also means that I really have to start working hard in order to have a spot on the team next year. Annah gets a group of people to work out in the morning at 5:30, but I've found that when I get up that early I'm dead for the rest of the day. I know that morning workouts are really good for you and are supposed to energize you, but they seem to do the opposite for me. I have enough trouble staying awake in class as it is right now.

It's been over a week and still no word on who sent the roses. I guess I'll never know. Ah well, they were really beautiful, especially when they were next to the roses that Annah, Tia, Beth, Anne, Larissa, Leah, and Anthea sent me. I love my friends. They are awesome.

So many thoughts are running through my head right now. Many of them are conflicting. I feel like I've changed since November and I'm not sure how or why, or even if all of it is good. I'm trying to figure out who I am and who I want to be as a person.

My sister just told me that her best friend's dad was admitted to the hospital for a severe infection and that today they had to amputate one of his legs and don't know if he'll make it through the night. Last week one of my good friends lost her dad. Please pray for them.

I guess my mom might have cancer or something. I'm not sure what's going on. She said something about a node on her neck and the doctors not knowing if it's benign or not and her having surgery. She made it sound like it wasn't serious or anything. Right now I'm trying not to think about it. She said it's fine and so that means it is fine. It's nothing big, but that word scares me.

NOOOOO! Augh. stupid computer

Please tell me it didn't just lose that post.

Gotta love 3 day weekends. True, I'm stuck here, but I'm making the most of it. Yesterday I went to the mall with Margret and Katie. We had lunch at the Macaroni Grill, saw Catch Me If You Can, and then did a little shopping. I bought new mittens for today. Today I went to the ski slope with Mindy and Katie and Mindy taught me how to snowboard. It was awesome! Tomorrow I'll have a nice bruise on my butt, but it was more than worth it. James and I are supposed to go snowboarding tomorrow. Yay :)

Bored bored bored bored bored.
Why am I still here? Because I'm stupid and didn't sign up for pass because I didn't realize it closed so early. No excuse. I can't say it's because I have CCQ, or Sapper tryouts, hours, or didn't pass the IOCT. No, it's because I forgot to sign up. Augh! Somebody please come save me. Today I was going to sleep in really late. Unless you consider 7:30am really late, it didn't happen. I got 6 hours of sleep last night when I had the chance to get 12.

Coffee and sleep don't mix. I once again am realizing that one. Right now I have way too much energy due to a lack of practice today and a huge thing of coffee.

Today has been a very interesting day. It started out as a pretty normal day, and just got weirder. I figured that since it's Valentine's Day I'd probably get a package from my parents, a card from my grandmother, and maybe a small card from a friend on my team. Well, it turns out I was right about all of those, but there were also a few additions. One the crew team we exchanged names and got each other something. I had Leah and so I made her a little book with letters I asked her friends to write telling her how much they like her and other nice stuff. My person got me a big Hershey's chocolate kiss. My Mom sent me a package with a small box of chocolates, kettle corn, gummi bears, a card, and some smarties. Annah, Leah, Beth, Larissa, Tia, and Anne all chipped in and suprised me with half a dozen yellow roses. That was awesome. I love you guys. Josh gave me a little valentines thing that he got from his parents club. The big thing is that someone sent me a dozen long stem red roses, but there wasn't a card with them and so I don't know who they are from. There was only a small envelope that had my name on it and nothing inside. Nobody is saying that it was from them. I love the roses. They really brightened my day. I just want to know who sent them.

Happy Valentines Day

Why does this thing take forever to update?

For some reason I just haven't felt like writing much lately. I haven't felt the need to write like I usually do. Perhaps it is because I'm becoming better friends with more people here and am becoming more comfertable talking to them.

Happy Valentines Day

It's scary. I'm getting used to 5 hours of sleep a night. This morning the yucks had a meeting with Mike, the 1st SGT, down in the day room at 5:45am to discuss the state of the plebes in the company. Basically he said that they are getting promoted in 7 weeks, but some of them need a lot of work and we need to make sure that happens.

I was pretty hyper this afternoon and now I think it's because I'm tired. Today at practice we had to do a 2k. I got a 7:55.2, which is not my best time, but it's better than what I thought I'd get.

Dave Mathew's tickets went on sale today. People rushed down to the ticket office after breakfast, but the line was really long and slow. Right now I don't have tickets for the concert. Tara and Alyson both got tickets because Pete took the hit and missed class. I don't know if 5 hours would be worth it to me.

Attack of the civilians! Today I was coming out of math second hour and walked out the Robinson Auditorium exit. Hundreds of civilians were pouring out the doors of Rob Aud and going down the hall and also exiting the building. At first I didn't pay that much attention, but then I realized that there were a ton of them everywhere. It was strange. Jessica and I were walking together at that moment and we both felt kind of bad because we kept having to squeeze past the civilians who were walking slow in order to make it to our next class on time.

Brian stopped by yesterday because Alyson and him are taking dance lessons together. After the lesson he came by again and we talked for a little while. yay :)

Yesterday I also got a package from my Mom:) She sends the best stuff.

I guess I should start on my homework now. Today I had a math quiz and a spanish quiz. I did okay on both of them, but should have done better. Last night I barely got any real work done and so I woke up this morning and was a little stressed about it. If I want a chance at the NSA AIAD I need to at least maintain, and hopefully raise, my GPA this semester. Today in physics I actually came away with a much clearer understanding of what was going on. I think the fact that I actually asked a question helped with that, plus I payed really close attention after that. No wonder in 5th grade my teacher, Mrs. Smith, and my parents were trying to get me to ask more questions in class. It really helps out. Okay, so I've known that all along, but I don't do it very often. I'm still the shy, silent type.

One more thing. ANNAH RULES!

Yes, that was random.

The sun is shining, the sky is blue, and it's even warm out. Today's a beautiful day. Life is great.

Yay! It looks like practice today is just going to be the using the tanks and the X-siser. No erg:) Gotta love it. Hmm, for tomorrow it says 4 X 25 min erg/ dyno 3:1. I wonder if that means four 25 minute erg pieces. Ah well, no need to worry about it right now. Worrying does nothing. That reminds me, there's a 2k test on Thursday. This weekend Larissa made me promise not to tell Leah about it so that she wouldn't get stressed.

:)

That reminds me, my phone still doesn't work. They said they'd fix it first thing on Monday. Hmm. I'll try calling them again this afternoon. It's so odd that it all of a sudden stopped having a dial tone. Alyson and Mark have theirs working again and so I'm not worried.

Alyson just gave Tara and I each a Krispy Kreme doughnut. Yay:) Thanks Alyson.

This weekend was awesome. Leah is the coolest person in the world for setting all of it up. I got to know Brian. He is a great guy.

May God bring peace and comfort to the family and friends of the seven astronauts who died on the space shuttle Columbia today.

I'm tired, exhausted, and can't wait to get away from this place for the weekend. True, I'll be back tomorrow for the banquet and the dance, but then I get to leave again. Yay! I better start thinking of something to do Presidents Day weekend so that I'm not stuck here. I like this place, but sometimes you just gotta get out and regain your sanity.

Alyson, Mark, and I all have phones that don't work right now. Tara's does however. It's very strange. There's no dial tone or anything. Yesterday I tried to make a call on my cell phone, but the battery was completely dead even though I'd just charged it for a really long time and hadn't used it at all. Tara let me borrow her cell phone instead. She has better service in our room anyway.

I think too much and it impedes my ability to communicate because I'm too busy trying to think about what to say and trying to figure out what other people are thinking.

Friday at last :)