And life keeps getting weirder. A man in a ski mask wearing gym-a just knocked on the door, ran into the room, and then proceeded to spray my roommate, Tara, with vanilla air freshener. Okay, so it was some guy named Tucker.I don't think I know him, but Tara does. Right before the incident someone out in the hall someone had sprayed her 4 times with cologn and she smelled like a 12 year-old guy going to his first dance. It was rather funny.

Yay! Matt's back. I told Ez many times today that I wasn't going to call him because he was probably really busy having just gotten back and starting school soon, but, well, I ended up calling him. It was really great to talk to him again.

This morning I was walking to Church and feeling sorry for myself because I was still somewhat sick and all that crap. Then, I looked up and realized what a beautiful morning it was and I realized that I was feeling sorry for myself and life was going pretty well. The clouds this morning were spectacular, especially when mixed with the view I had. I was on a hill overlooking the Hudson River surrounded by huge hills. The clouds were really low and on the right side of the river they completley covered the top of the hill, but on the left they seemed to be hiding behind it with wisps hanging over the top. The sky was the perfect blue color and the air held the begining of the fall crispness in it. I wish that I could describe the whole scene better because it was awesome. I love walking to Church because it's so beautiful here and it's a very peaceful and enjoyable walk.

The Gospel lesson, childrens sermon, and sermon were all about having a firm foundation. It reminded me of my favorite hymn, actually it's probably the only hymn that I really like, has a line that is "On Christ the solid rock I stand. All other ground is sinking sand." When I was little would ask my mom to sing the Sinking Sand song and liked it because sinking sand was fasinating yet scary to me. Now that I'm a little older I realize what the hymn is actually saying and like it even more. All throughout the service I searched throught the LBW to try and find it, but I didn't because I couldn't remember the title. When I was home over summer we sung it in Church the first Sunday that I was there. My whole family knows I like it and so everytime they see it and we start singing it they all look over at me, smile, and nudge me with their elbows.

"A minor conjunctivitis frequently accompanies a viral cold, triggering the well-known symptoms and lasting only a few days."
-Take Care of Yourself by Donal M. Vickery and James F. Fries

I hope that's what this is and it'll be gone by tomorrow.

Right now I am seriously pissed because I don't want to have to go to sick call again tomorrow morning, possibly have to have another profile, and possibly be late for 1st hour again. What makes me even more angry is that there isn't a single thing that I can do about the way my eye is looking/acting. It still looks similar to pink-eye. I'm not supposed to get sick twice in a row, especially here. Last year I didn't go to sick call at all. This isn't supposed to be happening!

I'm really on a roll here. This morning I woke up and my left eye was all goopy and red. It's stayed red throughout the day and when I go to sleep it goops up again. Why can't I just stay healthy? I really hope it's not pink eye or anything. On the bright side, my strep throat seems to be getting a lot better.

This afternoon a few of my friends and I went over to the Hanlon's on OPPs, meaning that we could go in civiies:) We sat around watching tv and then started watching Harry Potter. I was really tired and fell asleep about 15 min into it. 2 hours later I woke up when Tia came and sat on me. Leah was asleep on the flloor and most of the other people had already left, but Tia and Annah had come over. Around 4:30 we stared watching the movie Dragonfly while Tia and Amy made dinner and brownies. Annah, Leah, and I were all on the couch and during any semi-scary part we would all huddle together and Annah would grab our hands and sqeeze them as hard as she could. Tia would come in and laugh at us.

I missed most of the ring weekend banquet watching because I was at the Hanlon's house, but Mrs. Hanlon drove Leah, Jodi and I back around 9pm and there were some people still dressed up and leaving with their dates. We saw a firstie girl in her india whites with a civilian guy in a suit and all thought that was the coolest thing. I love seeing cadet girls with civilian guys because it gets old only seeing civilian girls all dressed up hanging on the arms of all the guys here. Tonight made me look forward to YYW and seeing everybody look real nice.

I just found an Always pad on my bed with a note underneath it saying "From the CCQ w/ love." My roommate has one on her bed too. I wonder who's on the Q right now. Probably Eddie. He picked up both a male and a female campus trial pack up from outside the bookstore in Thayer today to get all of the medication from them. The female ones had those in it and I guess he thought it'd be funny to go around and stick them on our beds. Actually, it is rather funny. That just goes to show how deprived of entertainment and fun we are here.

I really should be in bed right now. Both Beth, Annah, and my Mom and Dad have told me that I need to go to bed. I talked to my parents on the phone tonight and mentioned that I'd rowed today. My Dad procceded to tell me rather sternly that I should not have done that and this weekend I need to stay in bed, rest as much as possible, and avoid all physical activity untill I'm completley better. It didn't help that while I was on the phone with them I was coughing up a storm. I agree with him, but that doesn't mean that I'll actually follow the advice completly. I don't think it's possible for me to just lie in bed and do nothing. I'd feel so lazy and like I hadn't accomplished anything. My throat hurts a little more today and right now it feels like I have a cold, but I still want to be active and going to bed isn't that appealing. Well, it is, but it isn't. I'm sure that practice today didn't help my condition at all because I was completly worn out after it even though it wasn't hard at all. There's a battle going on between what I know I should do and what I want to do. I can be rather stubborn if I want to.

I really like the blend Mettalica and the San Fransico Symphony Orchestra. Together they produce and awesome combination of music that fires me up. Last year Erich introduced me to Mettalica with Whiskey in a Bottle. That was my favorite song by them, but I think that was just because it was the one Erich sent me. On Blubbster I was searching for more music by them and eventually came across Hero of the Day done by Mettalica with the San Fransisco Symphony Orchestra and really liked it. Today I found a few more songs done by them. It's awesome.

Yes! It's the weekend. I love weekends. What makes everything even better is that next week at this time I'll either already be home or I'll be on my way home. My plane leaves at 8pm, but I'm hoping that I can get on standby for and earlier flight.

Today at crew practice we went out on the water. Coach Hall had me as stroke of the Eagle even though I haven't done a lot of the practices this week cuz I've been sick. I was worried at first because this afternoon I was feeling a little worse and didnt' have much energy, but once we got out on the water and started rowing I got into the groove of things and it felt great. When I'm rowing, especially when I'm stroke, it's almost like I'm connected to the boat. I can see what my oar is doing even though I can't physically see it. I know how it reacts to the things I do with it and it becomes like a part of my body. My mind corrects me and tells me what I'm doing wrong and what I need to concentrate on and so I correct it. Being out on the water is great because all the other pressures and stress are forgotten about. I don't think about all of the homework that I need to do, or that I have all these other things that need to get done. The only things on my mind are how hard I'm pulling, my technique, and how beautiful everything is around me. Of course I only notice the beauty when I we stop to turn around because the rest of the time I'm staring straight ahead at the coxswain even though in my minds I I'm looking at my oar.

I think the fall is my favorite season, and not just because my birthday is in the fall. Football afternoons, cool, crisp evening walks with a close friend, the majestic trees as they change color, and the special smell in the air. When I was younger I loved football Saturdays, but not becuase I liked to watch the game. While my parents were inside watching the UM game I'd be outside raking leaves into a huge pile, sometimes as tall as me, under the swing set. I'd then climb from the tree house onto the top of the swing set and jump into the pile. I'd race around the yard playing with a football and all other manner of toys and sports equipment. Freshman year of high school I started going to Mission Christ and during the fellowship time Frank and I would go on long walks through the neighborhood talking about anything and everything. That was the highlight of my week freshman year. Last year in the fall was Plebe Parent Weekend and my parents, Heidi, and Matt came up for it. That was one of the best, if not the best, thing 1st semester. The only thing that would have made it even better would be if Betsy had come too, because then all of the people who I care about the most in my life would have been here.

My Mom sent me a package from home a few days ago because I wanted my teddy bear. I left him at home over summer because he'd get really dirty at Buckner. She dressed him in pants and a yellow t-shirt that she made that says "USMA Fired up C-4 Go Cowboys" on the front and has a picture of a cowboy hat. On the back it has "Class of 2005" written on it. I love it. She also sent me cookies, gummi bears, my water bottle, vitamin C drops, noise makers, and a letter with some farside cartoons. My parents are wonderful. Annah thinks so too.

Gotta love feeling like a plebe. This morning after Physics I went to get a new military ID because mine was falling apart and every time I had to show it to someone they threatened to take it away from me. The last time I was at the office that you get them was in Beast, but for some reason people expect me to remember where it is. They say " do you remember where you went in Beast. It's that place." Trying to remember where everything is was a top priority of mine at that time. Especially since I could only look straight forward and was scared to death of being hazed. Okay, so I had no clue where it was and I ended up wandering around the 4th floor of Washington Hall looking for any tiny thing that looked familiar. They were nice enough to put it right at the beginning of a hallway and so I eventually found it and got my new ID. It was then that I faced the big challenge -- getting out. Washington Hall connects to Mac Long, which is the building I live in and I didn't want to have to walk down 4 flights of stairs only to have to walk up 6 more. I figured that since I've managed to find the right exit before that I could do it again. Needless to say, I ended up walking down many a wrong hallway and having to backtrack. I ended up running into my spanish teacher, CPT Bracero, eventually and he was kind enough to lead me all the way to my exit. It was a very humbling experiance.

The medication they have me on is working really well, as long as I don't go too long without it. I'm taking 1 pennacillin 3 X day, 2-3 tylenol every 4-6 hours, 1-2 sudafed every 6 hours, and then these awesome throat lasengeze that numb my tounge and throat a little. Even with all of that I my throat is still a little soar and I'm still congested, but it's a ton better than I felt Wednesday afternoon and Thursday morning. Coach won't let me row untill next week. I hope this doesn't affect my chance of making the team.

This weekend is Ring Weekend for the Firsties. This afternoon they get their rings and then tomorrow there's the banquet and the dance. My room has a view of North Area and so I'll get to see all of them with their fancy cars and beuatifully/handsomely dressed dates.

And my life just keeps on getting better. I have strep throat. There is the possibility, however, that if it doesn't get better by Monday that it's Mono. For once I'm praying for strep.

I actually finished all of my homework and it only took me 7 focused hours today. Augh! Okay, so I did it more indepth than usual, but I had to say screw it to the vocab words for physics because I didn't want to spend another 45 min on those.

My classes: physics, calc II, economics, spanish, philosophy, and wellness.

Funny thing of the day: I was in the bathroom in Thayer right before 4th hour and was about to leave when the door opened. I'm pretty sure I saw Erich's head pop inside and then heard him in a very embarrassed voice say "oops! wrong bathroom." It was pretty funny, especially since when I went in there I double checked the name on the door to make sure that wouldn't happen to me.

Home in less then 2 weeks! YAY!!! Too bad Betsy and Heidi won't be home :( That made me really sad when I found out. I miss them.

Tryouts for varsity Crew are going on right now. There are only 20 slots and Coach Hall isn't cutting any of the Firsties. I'm pretty nervous. So is the rest of the team. There are probably 25-29 people trying out. Tomorrow I have to row a 2k and then on Thursday I have to row a 6k. Those scare me because last year I didn't have a lot of power and never broke 8 min on the erg.

Crap! I have to make Bowlby send up another RnT for the Protestant Plebe Retreat because this year they don't want team leaders on the sheet, but they didn't tell us that. It's gonna be the third one I've made him do. I also have to find time to go down and get him money for the laundry he sent out during beast and that the cleaning service lost. I also need to come up with an FCDT plan for the next few weeks for us.

Time to sleep :) Good night, Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.

Sometimes I wonder how good of friends my friends think we are. There are a few friends that I am really close to, but I wonder how close they think we are in their opinion. I can tell almost anything to them, but do they feel like they can tell anything to me? I hold them in really high esteem and love hanging out with them. Do they feel the same way? Am I one of their best friends? So many questions.

lalalaallalalalallalalalallalalalallalalallalalalalalallalalalalalallalalalallalalalalalalalla KA BOOM!!!!!
And it's all over now. Back to work.

OAR is a really cool band!

The whole yearling class has no access to email right now. Everyone else's is fine, but ours does not work. It really sucks because classes start tomorrow and the majority of us can not get to the emails from our professors telling us the assignments and giving us the bio sheets to fill out. Tomorrow will be interesting.

I was talking to Dan online today and he said that Matt got back today. I have no clue if that's true, but I hope it is. I miss him. Hopefully he had a great time this summer.

Today at dinner I ran into Erich and so I sat with him and a few of his friends. He said he'd be at Church, but he wasn't. It was the first time that I didn't totally miss him and wish he was there. Tonight I IM'd him a few times to find out some info about classes, but didn't talk anymore after that. I sat with Brian Olsen in Church and we had a good time. He read the first lesson and I read the second. He's and interesting guy.

It's still really hot here and the 6th floor is even hotter. I can't wait for it to cool off.

Life is stressful. I'm afriad that soon I just blow up at a plebe from some stupid reason. That's one of the things that I really want to avoid -- sudden mood swings. I hate leaders like that.

Crew tryouts start tomorrow:) I'm a little scared. What if I don't make varsity? Wait, I shouldn't worry because worrying is pointless. I'll just go and do my best. Any time I start to worry I think of Matt telling me I worry to much and to stop worrying do I do stop. See, I'm working on it.

I visited Jaz today and ended up in A2. I kinda miss the company, but that's probably because I'm still getting acclimated to this one. We'll see how it is at the end of this year.

Time for sleep. YAY!!!!!!

This week has kept me so busy that I haven't had time to think about guys at all. Amazing isn't it? It's probably a really good thing because I was going crazy over them during Buckner. I think I missunderstand or just plain miss a lot of the signals that they send, if they actually do send any. I am extremly niave.

I am so tired. There is a SAMI tomorrow after the acceptance day parade. It was supossed to be before the parade, but since there was a huge thunderstorm so drill was canceled. Now we have to get up for a 0545 formation tomorrow morning for drill. Last night we had to get up at 0300 for a piss test and then get up again at 0450 for the Brigade run. Yea for 4 hours of sleep. Bleagh. The only thing I'm looking forward to is going to Coach Hanlon's tomorrow to hang out, eat food, watch movies, and relax with my friends. It's gonna be great.

RIght now I'm smelly, sweaty, sticky, and all manor of other unpleasent things. Being in 4th reg for parades sucks! I sure hope that crew autho's are a go again.

The new commedant is really big on PT. He loves it so much that he's us do a Brigade run tomorrow. All 4000 cadets are going to get up and go for a run down to Thayer Gate at 5:30am tomorrow morning. In addition to that my company is having a piss test probably right before that. Please, shoot me now. By the time my company starts running the first company will probably already be almost back. Augh! I need sleep, my plebe needs sleep, the corps needs sleep. A run like that in a week like this is not condusive to the motivation or phyisical prowness of the cadets here.

Well, I'm off to go see if my plebe needs help setting up his computer.

Just shoot me now. Please. Some how I managed to catch a cold. My room is like a sauna because I live on the sixth floor and it's 100 degree's outside during the day. Yesterday my NC and I managed to get to the c-store and wait in line for over an hour just to pay. Then we went to pick up his M14, but didn't have his card so we had to come back in the afternoon. After lunch we went down to book issue, but the line was really long, it was going to close in 2 hours, and we had a bunch of other stuff to do so we left. We went to the health clinic to pick up his computer, then to Thayer so I could show him some of his classrooms and also pick up his printer. On our way back to the barracks we stopped and got his M14. There was about a 1/2 hour of no running around and then the ccq came by and said that we all had to go down for static drill. That lasted for 45 min. When we got back I started to search for some laundry he had sent out during beast and never gotten back. That meant going down to the basement of Mac, back up to the 6th floor, back down again, and then over to CGR. I didn't find it. It was dinner time after that and after dinner there was a regimental briefing in Robinson. I let him sit with his friends but that meant that he had to walk back on his own. While I was walking back I was really nervous about that because I was afriad he'd get lost or get stopped and hazed by somebody. Everything turned out fine. There were duties after the briefing, but I mostly stayed in my room because most of the cows and firsties were gone and I didn't feel like being a haze. It was great when I finally got to take a shower around 10pm because I was so sweaty and smelly. It is so hot here that everyone breaks out in a sweat even when they're sitting doing nothing at all. Now I'm onto another day of running around. My main focus is getting his books and computer. I hope that happens.

Jason took all of the New Cadets that needed to go to sick call there this morning at 6:00am. Bowlby had to go because he has a rather large and painful blister on his foot. Right now it's 8:20 and their still not back. It makes me wonder how the New Cadets were treated during beast this year. I hope that he's okay, but I expect that he'll be on at least soft shoe profile for the next little while. Today we have a busy day of getting his books, drawing his M14, and going to the C-store. On a normal day those things would all together take only 1-2 hours, but since all of the New Cadets have to do them today the lines are horrendous. It doesn't help that I have no clue when he'll be back from sick call and I can't really start on any of the things without him. I'm also worrried that he won't get breakfast. They usually have some sort of breakfast for normal sick call, but since he went to the one at Arvin Gym for blisters I don't know if he'll get it. I brought back a few pieces of fruit from breakfast and so if all else fails he can have those and a few of my cliff bars.

One standard that I want to hold myself to this year is to not ask more of my plebe than I ask of myself. If their shoes have to be shiny, mine must be shinier. If I want them to recite some piece of knowledge than I must know it perfectly myself. It's easy to say "hey, they're a plebe and I'm not. I don't have to do that." But a good leader doesn't do that. A good leader upholds the standard in their subordinates and themselves. It's hard to know how much I can ask of them, but I think it'll be a good handrail for me to say that if I expect them to do something I must also do it, or have the ability to do it. Hopefully my plebe won't be too ate up because I don't want to be a haze. I want to lead by example. Last year I think Schwetz was an awesome team leader them more I think about it. I've learned a lot from him of how to be a good team leader and am trying to do some of the things he did. For example, for now at least Bowlby has to report everytime I knock on the door because it's good practice and sets the tone for the relationship. After I come in the room, however, I allow him and his roommate to relax and continue on with what they were doing. In a few hours I wont' have him report to me anymore when I come in the room because it takes way to much time and I have to come to his room really often to tell him stuff.

Now I have to go tell my plebe a frago about min. gotta love it.

Today I got my plebe - New Cadet Bowlby. I feel as though I've given birth and am now raising a child. If he needs to go somewhere I have to go with him. While he's setting up his room I have to check up on him every 15 minutes. When he screws up I have to correct him. Thankfully, unless he really screws up I don't have to haze him. I'm responsible for his every action, or lack there of. It's so weird to walk into his room and have him and his roommate report and greet me at parade rest. It was really weird when we went to turn in his rifle for me to walk down the row of plebes who were all shouting "Beat Holy Cross Corporal" and then realize that they weren't greeting someone behind me, they were greeting me. I was about halfway through the line when I finaly realized that.

It's great being on the other side of things finaly, but it's a lot more work. Right now I have a hard time making myself want to correct a plebe who's greeted incorrectly or something. They all look so scared and timid. I was just like that last year. This year I have to exude self-confidence and take charge. It's hard.

It's now time to go check up on him again.

I have so much to say and no time to spend saying it. Right now I really should be in bed because I've been up since 4:30 this morning and have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow. It's gonna be a very busy week, but at least I'm not a new cadet. I'm really looking forward to the experiance of being a leader. My guess is that I'll mature a lot.

Why is this not publishing my stuff?

My room is a pit right now. My roommates and I are still in the process of unpacking and so everything, especially my stuff, is thrown all over the place. It has to look perfect by tomorrow morning. HAH! I also have to shine my boots really well and iron and starch my BDU's. It's gonna be a long night. At least I get my plebe tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to being a team leader. It's gonna be a ton of work, but the leadership experince is gonna be awesome. All summer my chain of command has told us to think of the first words we're gonna say to them. Mine are going to be "follow me." It has meaning on more than one level.

Oops. gotta go. formation time.

I'm back at school after 7 weeks of Camp Buckner. Later when I have more time I'll talk about all the cool stuff and some of the not so cool stuff that I did there. This morning we had to get up at 4:30am to finish up packing our stuff. Then we did a 7 mile run back to West Point starting at 7:03am. We got there at 8:15am and I proccedded to get all of my crap that I had loaded into my parents van. In the process I forgot to eat breakfast and didn't drink enough water and so by lunch I felt like crap. You try running 7 miles and then lugging up 4 bags huge bags, a full ruck sack, 2 heavy foot lockers, and a computer and printer to the sixth floor of a building. It sucks! Tomorrow I get my plebe so I have to be all moved in today. I'm about to start unpacking some more and go pick up my M14. I hate that weapon. It's a torture device used in parades. Oh well. That's life. Now I must get back to work. Blah.

One last thing. WASSUP!

I really should be in bed right now because I have to get up in a few short hours in order to be out the door at 3:25am and on my way back to West Point and Camp Buckner for the summer. It's been great being home and seeing my family and friends, relaxing, sleeping in, going to movies, and forgetting about the pressures of school. The worst part of being home is the day before I leave. The pit in my stomach threatens to consume my whole body and I feel very depressed the whole today. Today was no different, but a few things made it remarkably better.

The first was Matt calling me and us going out to lunch. He has the remarkable ability of cheering me up no matter what without even knowing it or trying. This can be good, but also kinda of annoying, in a good way, when I want to call him and wallow in my sorrow and depression and can't because I feel better. It was great to just sit and talk to him for a while and forget about the pit in my stomach. I'm gonna miss him.

Steph and I then went kayaking on the Huron River. It was really hot out and so we splashed eachother didn't care about all the polution in the water. I wouldn't be suprised if we each grow and extra eye or ear in the next month.

Besty came over for dinner and my dad grilled some chicken which tasted very good. It was enjoyable to have the whole family sitting at the table talking and laughing one last time before I leave. My Grandma stopped by for a few minutes to say goodbye to me and I was able to solve the mystery of how to lock the doors to her new car from the inside. You have to press the lock button twice. Later in the eveing the whole family watched my Dad set off some fireworks my Mom had bought at the store today. It reminded me of when I was little and we used to do that around the 4th of July. Good stuff.

I am suprised at the amount of stuff I have to take back with me. I don't know how I'm going to fit all of it into my wall locker at Buckner. Molly is probably going to laugh at me tomorrow when I show up at her house tomorrow morning with 3 huge bags. Becki stopped by tonight and we talked while I finished packing. We were supposed to hang out today but unfortunatly that didn't happen. I'm glad that she came over tonight.

I'm looking forward to seeing Jasmin, Ez, Erich, and everybody else again. This evening I made little loaves of banana bread to take back with me and give to Jasmin. I hope she likes them.

Now I must go and begin my 6-7 week hiatus from this and the computer all together. Since I won't have this to use to vent and transcribe my thoughts on I'm planning on taking up letter writing again. Gotta love the old pen and paper.

Talk to you later. Good night.

Ceder Point was fun, especially because I didn't have to pay for it. I started out by hanging out with Anna, James, Mike, Dan, and Greg and we went on the Power Tower, Wicked Twister, and Gemini before lunch. The Wicked Twister was a lot better than I thought it would be. Definetly a good ride. After lunch Anna, Aaron, and Mr. Hart and I went on the Raptor, Magnum and Gemini. Mr Hart left us when we went on the Gemini and after that we went on the Millenium Force. That was the longest line of the day at 1.5-2 hours. All the other lines were under 45 min. It was almost time to meet up again with the group after the Millenium Force, but we had a little time to waste so we rode the carasoul twice. Anna and I were going to take Beth and her friend on the Raptor after dinner but there was some miscommunication and Anna and I ended up riding it alone. The lines were short, the coasters were fun, and the weather was great. It was a good day to be at Ceder Point. I still kinda feel like I'm on a roller coaster even though I'm sitting at the computer typing. It's kinda cool.

This is my last full night at home :( Friday I have to be at Molly's house at 4am. Summer went by so fast! Tomorrow I have a ton o' crap to do like working out, shopping, laundry, and packing. I'm also hoping to go kyakying with Steph, hang out with Matt, and do something with Becki. Crap. If only I could slow down time. I managed to do most of the things that I wanted to do this summer while I was home which is good, but I'm not ready to leave and go back to West Point. I know I was complaining earlier about how I miss West Point, and I do miss my friends, but I also like my freedom. I really shouldn't complain about haveing to go back. This is the life I choose and now I have to deal with it. This is one of the many sacrifices. But I'm not ready to say goodbye to everyone. I hate that part. The final hug that I wish would last for forever but never does makes me want to cry. In fact, sometimes I do cry when I think about having to say good bye to the people who are the specialist to me. Or should that be most special. hmmm... I hate the part where I have to leave.

There is a delicate art to making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Growing up I learned this art from watching my mom make them for my sisters and I and then trying to perfect it later on in life when I made my own sandwichs. It is important to put peanut butter on both slices of bread in order to prevent the jelly from soaking through a slice and making it all mushy. The peanut butter has to cover the whole slice evenly and the coating does not have to be very thick. The jelly goes on only once slice of bread but must also coat it evenly. You do not need goobs of peanut butter or jelly, just a smooth coating of each so that neither taste masks the other. You then carefully cover the jellied slice with the unjellied slice. The way you cut it does not appear to affect the tast, but I've found a diaginol cut across the sandwich to be more asthetically appealing than a cut down the middle. If I'm in a hurry I don't bother with cutting the sandwich. In high school I'd heard rumors of people only putting peanut butter on one side of the bread, but for the most part I dismissed them as hearsay and assumed that everyone made their sandwichs the way I did. It was therefore shocking to me to arive at West Point during Beast and to find that people were scooping huge goobs of peanut butter out of the jar and then only putting it on one slice. They would then drown the other slice in mounds of jelly and smash the two pieces together. I was appalled. Has no one taught them the art of the sandwich. My mission in life is clear. The people need to know and I will teach them!

And now on to life.

Today I was really bored and none of my friends were free so I sat around the house, played with the dogs, and watched the guys doing construction. I couldn't stare at them and admire their shirtless bodies and muscles because I've known most of them since I was little and that just seems wrong. If only my parents would hire people I didn't know. Oh well. Mark called in the afternoon and asked if I wanted to go out tonight. The lack of plans and tremendous bordem I felt prompted me to very quickly say yes. After that I proccedded to go on a 2.5 mile run. It actually wasn't that bad, but I should have jogged longer. Anyway, Mark and I went out for icecream and then drove to a park in the middle of the city and walked around a bit. We ended up at this bench and it was so cool because there wasn't a cloud in the sky, no buildings were visiable, and everywhere you looked it was just nature stuff. It was really beautiful. We sat there and talked about flying cars, life on mars, and stuff like that. Weird conversation but very enjoyable. After that we went and saw Scooby-Do the movie. It was very funny, but I think it would scare little kids too much. I think my cousins, who love Scooby-Do, should wait a few years before they see it or else they'll have nightmares. Now I'm off to bed so I can get up somewhat early and go to Ceder Point. Yippeeeeeee:)

Stupid summer jobs. All of my friends seem to have them and so no one is home during the day. Therefore I have no one to go kyaking with and I'm very bored.

The deck is being torn apart right now. I didn't know my parents were getting a new one. There's a lot of stuff I don't know.

Yesterday as I was driving to the fitness center it hit me that I am leaving on Friday. It made me real depressed which hurt my workout. Driving home I was even more depressed because I realized I'm out of shape and not ready for Buckner, I have to leave Friday and won't be back untill Labor Day or Thanksgiving, and I started to think about Erich. I don't think he likes me, we don't talk that much, I don't know him very well, and crap like that. While I was thinking about all of that and feeling worse and worse by the minute the song The Middle by Jimmy Eat World came on the radio.

hey don't write yourself off yet
it's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on
just try your best
try everything you can
and don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away

it just takes some time
little girl, you're in the middle of the ride
everything everything will be just fine
everything everything will be all right X2

hey you know they're all the same
you know you're doing better on your own so don't buy in
live right now
just be yourself
it doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else

it just takes some time
little girl, you're in the middle of the ride
everything everything will be just fine
everything everything will be all right X2

do your best
do everything you can
don't you worry what their bitter hearts are going to say

The lyrics seemed to apply to me a lot right then and they were just what I needed.

Today I woke up to the sound of my alarm at 9:08am and then procceded to go back to sleep. I was having a pleasent dream a little while later when it was interupted by a loud banging. At first I thought it was my dad working on the new laundry room he's putting in my parent's bedroom, but as I became more awake I realized it was coming from the roof. I guess we're having the roof redone.

I finally made it back to the fitness center today to work out. Because there's an APFT on Saturday I decided to try a practice one today. I managed 32 pushups and 52 situps in the respective two minute times. I really need to work on the situps. The 2-mile run didn't happen because I got bored on the treadmill and couldn't figure out a route to run. Pray for a thunderstorm around 5am that lasts until 7am. It will only postpone the APFT for another day, but that'll prevent one more day of PT.

My Grandma invited my family over for dinner today and Aunt Sue, Isaac and Anna were there. I became a human jungle gym for them. After dinner my dad and I headed out to Dexter to go fishing and a pond at one of my dad's coworkers new house. Frank went with us. He caught 13 or 14 fish while I only caught 6. The fish were kinda small and we of course threw them all back and overall it was fun.

Time for some more late night writing. Up untill the end of junior year of high school I told everybody to forget anything I said or wrote after 11pm. It was after 11pm that I would talk to Andrew, the guy I liked in 10th grade, and would end up saying really stupid stuff.

There's a show about West Point on the Travel Channel right now. I've seen a couple of my friends on it so far. I kinda want to watch it to see if I know anyone else, but I'm not that interested in hearing about all the accomplishments of the graduates and I'd rather listen to music and type. I have such tough choices in my life. Wow! Gen. Custer graduated last in his class from West Point. There is hope for me! Hey, they just showed Erich's old company in the sandhurst competition, but it was from last year's and he wasn't on that team. Oh well. Okay, I've seen enough. It's just repeating the same stuff every show about West Point says.

Heidi and I went to see the Bourne Identity tonight at Quality 16. I thought it was a pretty good movie, but she didn't like it too much because it didn't go along with the book. We stopped at Meijer after it was over to try and buy a copy of the book for me, but they didn't have one. I wish I could be like the main character, not in his proffession, but in knowing many languages fluently, being great at martial arts, able to run fast and far, and all that stuff. There were a lot of high schoolers there. It's really easy to spot them. I didn't realize that until I came home from school at Christmas. Everyone looks so young. I bet I'll be saying that about college students in a few years.

I talked to Erich a little today on IM. It was nice to talk to him again, but not much was said. Everything good takes time. Five days till I see him. No, I'm not counting, but Jasmin is counting the days until Buckner starts. Gotta love roommates:)

It was great seeing Matt today. I didn't realize how much I miss actually talking to him in person. I really hope I can hang out with him again before I leave.

Tomorrow, well now it's today, my Dad and I are probably going to go fishing. Today, or yesterday if you want to get technical, I went fishing and caugh 2 trees and almost caught my dad's car. Okay, I was just practicing casting in front of my house. I sucked so bad at first. My dad would do it perfectly and then go inside and I would try. The line would get all tangled up and everthing would be messed up. Finally I managed to get better after my Dad figured out I had put too much line on the spool. What a smart man. Before I came home I invited Frank to go fishing with us, but now I kinda wish I were going alone with my Dad, but I'm not about to go back on the invitation. Perhaps it will be more fun with him there. I haven't talked to him since we went out for lunch 1.5 weeks ago.

Off to bed I go and it's not even 2am yet. Amazing!

I think I have the comments working now which is good.

I came home from the Church picnic and realized I was really tired and wanted to take a nap. I also wanted to read a book because I haven't had a chance to do a lot of reading yet. I found two books and started to read them while I laid in bed and after a while I decided to go to sleep. Of course I couldn't fall asleep. It was just my luck that I was no longer tired and so now I'm up and looking for something to do. Hmm, food, tv, or store. Tough choice.

Yesterday I went over to the big softball tournament and saw some of my teammates from highschool, a few parents, and my old coachs. Everyone wanted to know how school was going and all that stuff. It gets really boring repeating myself two million times. Maybe I should just tape a sign to myself that answers all the questions everyone asks:

"Do you like it there? Yes, School is great and I like it there. No, I hate it and would rather die than go back. j/k:) Is it hard? Yes, it is hard but that's okay. Actually, it's the easiest school in the world. We sit around and do nothing all day wasting tax payers money. What do you think? Did you like your roommates? Yes, I liked my roommates and made some great friends. Are they going to be your roommates next year? No, because we're in different companies. Do you get to choose your roommates? SometimesAre you on summer break now? Yes, I'm have a summer break but I'm only home for 20 days. Stop reminding me that my break is almost overAre you enjoying your break? Yes. No, I hate it and never want to have another break. Are you an idiot? What are you doing then? I'm going to Camp Buckner. Buck-Nam. woohoo. i'm going to be living in a model of a POW camp for 6 weeks. Where is that? Down the road from West Point. What do you do there? Small squad tactics training along with going to Fort Knox for a week and living out in the woods for a week. Get up way to early and do some grueling PT, sleep with the insects, and live like prisoners of war. Are you going to drive tanks? No, but at Fort Knox I'm going to ride in them. Do you actually think that they'd just let all of us drive tanks around? Do you get to shoot guns? I'll have an M16A2 and mostly be firing blanks. Please don't be stupid enought to ask me if we're firing live rounds at each other. Sounds fun. I guess. Just what I wanted to do this summer instead of sleep in late, hang out with friends at home, watch tv and use the computer. Have a good summer. You too." ask me any more questions and I'll scream.

That's a little to much for a sign I guess. Perhaps I should just print it out on pieces of paper and hand them out to everyone. The italics are just my thoughts and wouldn't be printed on the paper. I'm really not this bitter, but I needed to vent a little.

Still working on it.

Tonight I made danish puff. It's some good stuff.
I'm still trying to get everything worked out with the template.

I'm trying to add comments to this thing, but I don't know if it's working.

Sometimes I have so much stuff going through my head and I want to write it all down and tell it to someone, but then when I get the chance to I don't remember any of it. Funny how that works out. This summer I'm not going to have access to a computer for at least six weeks so I'm probably going to start writing letters again. Last summer I realized how much I like to write. I'm not a writer -- in fact I suck at writing -- but I like to get my thoughts out. I also like the idea that someone might read them. That's not what's importnant to me, but I've found it helps me write.

One of the things that I want is to feel special in someones eyes. That is also one of the hardest things for me to do for a person. The main thing that I want out of a relationship is to feel special, yet a relationship is not about reciving, it's about giving. I have a hard time letting myself try to make someone feel like they are special. I don't like that about myself. It's kinda hard to explain, but I'm going to try anyways. For example, if I bake someone bread and give it to them I'll deny that I did it just for them and say that I made bread for a number of my friends -- which I probably would do so that I could say that, but the main reason I made the bread was to give it to that one person. Okay, that's not a great example, but just hang in there. I've never had a single best friend, but I've had many really close friends. I'm afriad I'll get annoying and so after a while I back off from a friend and give them some space. I only call a friend once a week to talk. That's changed a tiny bit the past two years, but not a lot. Here's anothe example of what I'm trying to get at. Teresa and I went around last night to Bill, Matt, and Becki's respective houses and did different things to their houses for fun. I can only do that stuff to people that I'm comfertable with and how I'm good friends with, for the most part. Because that's the case I'm more apt to avoid them afterwords if they find out it was me because to me it's like I'm saying "Hey, I like being your friend and this is one way of me trying to make you feel special" in a sense. That puts me in a position of feeling vulnerable and I hate feeling vulnerable. In order to try and protect myself I therefore back off.

It was not until just now that I came to realize how much I hate feeling vulnerable. Side note: I'm analyzing stuff way too much right now because it's late and I'm tried, but this is fun and so I'm going to keep doing it. Oh, and if I'm spelling vulnerable wrong or anything, I don't care. Speaking in groups of people makes me feel vulnerable, so I avoid it. I don't ask questions in class very often because that too makes me feel that way. When I started this blog I felt that way because I'm sharing a part of myself and there's the possiblity that someone might actually read it. I almost stopped writing in here because of it, but finally I told myself that I was doing this for myself and it doesn't matter if other people read it because I'm not going to care what they think. I'm not going to let it bother me. This sounds stupid, but in middle school and the beginnign of high school I hated hugs because I was afraid that someone would think that I hugged to hard, or too long, or not long enough, or some crap like that. Once again, hugs made me feel vulnerable. It took me a while to get over that. There are many other things that have made me and still do make me feel vulnerable and so I try my best to protect myself. Some of the things I need to overcome and I hope that I do eventually.

Every night I go to bed and say to myself that tomorrow I'll go to bed earlier so that I don't sleep in as late, but it hasn't happened yet. I don't like sleeping in real late because it makes me feel like I've wasted part of my day. I also like the fresh, bright feeling that only early morning can provide. That doesn't mean that I like to get up at 5am however. I'm not looking forward to getting back to school and getting up at 5 for some PT everyday. Somehow I'll survive, I hope.

Today I went out in search of a kite. I love flying kites and at West Point there are some great places to fly them, but I never had one to fly. Every windy day I wished I had one and so I want to make it a point to fly a kite while I'm home. It's fun to watch them go so high up in the sky and feel the force of the wind as the kite tugs on the string. I searched for them at Meijer and at Target, but neither store carried them. It wasn't a total lose going to those stores because I got to spend time in the toy department. I'm still a little kid at heart and I love toys. While I was in NYC I made my friends go with my to the big toy stores there. The biggest one around here is TOYS R US and so that's where I went next in my search for a kite. I wanted to play with all the toys that I saw, but there were a lot of adults around and it would have looked pretty weird. The kite selection consisted of a whopping two kites. One was $4.99 and the other was $9.99. I went with the more expensive one because it seemed a little higher quality. It has an ET theme with a hole in the center where ET's spaceship goes and spins. I was hoping to fly it but a thunderstorm prevented that from happening.

I was out with Steph this evening and we went to pick up a pizza and ran into Tara. I haven't seen her since junior year and didn't recognize her at first. She hasn't changed:)

I wish I had more links, but none of my other friends have blogs and the only other things that I can think to link to are my school, and that's just boring. If I ever find something interesting to put there I will.

Yesterday Teresa came over around 1pm and we went to 7 Eleven to get slurpies and then to the park to play on the playground and swings. I haven't been on a swing in the longest time and it was fun to do it again. I tried to kick my sandles off to see how far they'd go, but instead of going out very far they went up really far and then came almost staight down. After that we went and explored the creek and searched for the frogs that kept evading us by jumping in the water and swimming under the creek bank before we saw them. We did find a crayfish skeleton however.

The Red Wings game was awesome. Becki invited me to Dorian's house to watch the game with some other people. The house was really big and had a lot of cool new stuff in it. I played pool with a few of the guys in teams of two. My team was really close to winning, but we didn't. It was great whent the Red Wings won the Stanley Cup. After that I drove Amy home. She was one of my best friends from when I was born all through high school, but I didn't get a chance to see her a lot this year.

About Matt. Of course I know where he lives. I've found that if I go to anyone's house at least once I usually remember where it is. It doesn't matter who. I thought that everyone was like that, but I guess not. Amy can't even remember my phone number when I've only been gone for one year, yet I can still remember the phone numbers of my friends from middle school and elementry school. Now if I could just remember all the knowledge I'm supposed to know at West Point.

Oh, and the bike riding to Dexter has nothing to do with Matt. It's a beautiful place and I have many friends who live there. It's a nice place to ride to because it's far enough away to be a little challenging, but not too far that I have to call home and have someone get me. Only riding around the city was getting boring because I'd gone everywhere. I did stop by my Grandma's house, but she wasn't home. For some reason, ever since I was little, I've liked going West. Going East feels like I'm losing my freedom, but when I go West I feel more free. That's why when I go on bike rides I only ride West until I have to turn around and head home. I'm weird, but that's what makes me me.

AHHH!! Only a week left of summer for me. What's sad is that summer doesn't actually start untill the day I have to go back to school.

Tuesday my Jungle Boots came, but they were too big so my mom and I drove out to some military base around Detroit to get some new ones. I ended up spendint $100 dollars on the boots, a few camo bungie cords my mom wanted me to get, and a polyporpolene shirt.

Yesterday I went out to lunch with Betsy, but before I went to pick her up I had to put some gas in my car. As it turns out my credit card was maxed out due in no small part to the fact that my dad made me buy a $400 blender on it 2 weeks ago. Why do they need a blender with 2 horsepower? I don't understand. Anyway, I was not happy. Some really nice guy ended up paying the $5 that I didn't have on me. The day did get better, however. Betsy and I had a nice lunch at Tio's. She's making an appointment to visit the convent she's interested in joining. It's in NYC, or thereabouts, but I don't think that I'd ever get to see her. I support her 100% with whatever she does, but I kinda think that my mom and dad will take it kinda hard. They weren't too thrilled with the idea of her becoming Catholic in the first place. I'm sure they're get used to it evetually, if she does decide to become a nun, but it might take a while. From what I gather, my mom had a little trouble getting used to the fact that i was joining the military and going to West Point. Gotta love scaring the parents. I wonder what Heidi's gonna do now.

After lunch with Betsy my mom and I drove to Kalamazoo area to visit my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins. Isaac had a t-ball game and so we went and watched it. Uncle Jeff was the coach, but he was feeling sick and so he went home. Aunt Sue asked me to coach the team, I felt the parents who actually have seen a t-ball game before would do better. I would have probably ended up telling some 5 year-old to steal 2nd or throw the ball to 2nd from home in order to get the runner out. They don't keep score and there's a really good reason for that. It was a lot of fun to watch because they're just getting the hang of the game and look really cute, but none of them know how to catch a ball yet. It was fun.

Last night I planned on getting up this morning and going for a run before breakfast. That didn't happen. I woke up at 9:30 and tried to talk myself into it, but by 11 when I finaly got up I had talked myself out of it. Today was spent shopping for stuff for Buckner. Around 4 I realized that I needed to get some exercise in and it was either running or bike rideing. I hate running and so the bike won. It was just going to tbe a trip around the city, but I ended up going into downtown Dexter. The way back felt a lot shorter then the way there. It was fun and sort of relaxing with plenty of time to think.

Good luck Jaz, Ez, Erich, Annah, and Adam in STAP and good luck Matt with finals.

On to the subject of guys. A three week break from them is great. I was getting way to caught up with Erich and thinking about him. We're just friends and thats the way it should be. Yes, I like him, but I think I liked him too much. I don't need to worry or stress about this stuff because there are far more important things in my life. Besides, worrying and stressing do nothing.

While I've been home I've hung out with a few of my guy friends. They are great guys, but only as friends. It's funny, most of the guys I know assume that since I've spent one year in the military I know everything about every weapons system avaliable today, and that I enjoy talking about them. That's not the case. Back to guys now. When I got back from NYC and realized that Erich had blocked me - perhaps it was an accident, maybe it wasn't. I'm not blocked anymore- I was really upset and wanted to talk to someone. The first person that came to mind was Erich, but since he was the one who blocked me I imediatly ruled that out. Next, Matt came to mind, but since he's usually the one I call and whine and complain to I decided to give him a break. There's only so much a person can take. For some reason Frank popped into mind after that and I ended up calling him. We had a nice chat and I didn't talk about what had happend at all but I still felt better afterwords. In fact, I felt so much better that I wanted to ask him right then to the Camp Illumination Dance at the end of Buckner so that he could come out and see West Point. I decided to wait until after I talked to him in person and we sorted some stuff out. When we went out to lunch I realized that I love Frank a ton, as a brother, but he's not the sort of friend that I can take to a dance. Things aren't like they used to be and we are both different now. I doubt that I'll bring anyone from home for that dance. Yearling Winter Weekend is still up in the air because it's a long ways off. A lot can happen in half a year.

Right now I'm thinking that if I marry, and I'm hoping that someday I do get married, it will probably be to someone who graduated from West Point or was/is at least in the military. I like guys in civilian clothes a ton more than guys in uniforms, but I have a lot more in common with the men in the military. That's at least 3 years off, probably a lot more than that. I'm not gonna think about it anymore right now. It scares me.

Today was one of the best days I've had since I got home. It didn't start out that great. This morning I didn't want to get up because I was really tired and then at church Matt wasn't there and i was hoping that I would get a chnage to say hi to him. I wasn't in a great mood and people kept on coming up to me and asking me about school which got kinda annoying. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it sometimes gets annoying repeating myself 10 million times. Joe challenged me to an arm wrestleing match, but it didn't happen. I probably would've lost by a lot.

Around 5 I headed to Sarah's graduation party, but I didn't get there until 5:45 because I couldn't find her street. I knew a lot of people from high school who were there and it was great to see them again. We sat around and talked for a while and then watched When Harry Met Sally. It's a great chick flick. After that Bill, Sarah, Marty, Ian, Becki, and I all went to Bill's place to hang out some more. I hadn't seen any of them in at least 6 months. It was like nothing had changed.

Things have definitly changed. Am I the one who's different, are my friends the ones who are different, or are we all just different?

Friday afternoon I met up with Jen and Christy, my two roommates from NYLF and we hung out in downtown. Jen goes to UM and Christy goes to the Naval Academy. I see them maybe once or twice a year, but it's suprising how comfertable I feel with them now compared to a lot of my best friends from high school. Christy and I talked a lot about our lives at the academys and explained stuff to Jen and she gave us a tour of UM's campus. Funny, I've lived there my whole life, but she knew a ton more stuff then I did. She took us to the most beautiful spot on campus, I think. It's right by where the law students live in this courtyard type area. The beauty of it almost made me wish that I went to school there. I had a great time hanging out with them. We went to AMERS for lunch and then to Starbucks for some frappacinos. I got Ez into those while we were in NYC. After that we stopped by Harry's Army Surplus store so that I could check out their Jungle Boots. It really is a fake army store. I was not impressed at all. We then had to hurry back to our cars to put more money in the meters. Mine had run out, but I guess I still had some time left when the meter maid came around because the car in front of me got a ticket but I didn't. It was then that Jen took us to the courtyard and we sat and talked for over an hour. At 6 I had to go because Heidi invited me to a UCO party that evening. It was great spending time with them again. Hopefully Christy and I will meet up just as we did this last year at the Army-Navy football game. Go Army!

The UCO party was interesting. Heidi had her hair cut really short that afternoon and suprised everyone there with it. I didn't know most of the people, but a lot of them knew who I was from stories they'd heard from my family. The grenade throwing one was popular. I'd forgotten about it untill Steph brought it up on Sunday. I guess people here like hearing about me throwing grenades. That was pretty weird. Since I didn't know very many people, maybe one other person besides my sister, I was pretty quiet the whole time. That's what I do to get to know people and what they're like. I also don't know what to say and don't want to sound like a total idiot.

The Michigan West Point Parent's Club picnic was this mornign and so my parents and I attended. It was great to be the person giving the advice instead of getting it. Molly didn't show up, but Chris, Kelly, Greenberg, and other people I knew from my class went. The picnic lasted a lot longer this year and by the end all of us were ready to leave. After the picnic I went to the big soccer tournament that Heidi told me about. Sarah and Hannah were there and so I talked to them a bit. It was nice to see them, but we kinda ran out of things to say after a while. I didn't stick around for the bbq because I felt like I'd just be tagging along behind somebody. I recognized a fair amount of people there, but I didn't really know them. There wasn't the feeling I usually get when I fit in somewhere. The whole thing actually made me miss West Point.

I miss my friends back at school. The people back here know more about me, but I'm becoming more comfertable with my friends at school. I miss Ez, Jaz, Erich, Dan, Beth, Molly, and everyone else. Last night I went out with Jake. We drove around the city and talked about nothing for a few hours. Today I went out to lunch with Frank. It was good, I guess.

My day consisted of getting up around 10:30, going for a run around 11:30 and then going to work out at Dominoe's Farms at 1:30 until 2:40. At 5:00 I met up with Amy and Matt B. and we saw The Sum of All Fears. It was an okay movie. I was bored around 8 and so I ended up calling Jake. It was more of a call to say hi and stave off bordem and it worked for a while. Tomorrow night we're going to hang out. I definitalty don't like him anymore, but he's a cool guy to be friends with. Yesterday Mark called me and we ended up going to Put-Put together for two rounds of mini-golf. I'm suprised how easy the courses seem now. That dosn't change the fact that I still suck at it, however. Becki and I are supposed to hang out tomorrow afternoon and then Erin and I are supposed to do something later in the day. I'm hoping that the times all work out. Frank and I are supposed to go out for lunch on Thursday. I'm looking forward to that, but also somewhat nervous. There are some things that we need to talk about and I'm hoping that Thursday will be the chance for it. On Friday I'm going to an OCF party with Heidi and maybe spend the night there. That reminds me, Mark invited me to a prayer meeting on Wednesday night. Crap. I can't make it. At least my life sounds somewhat busy even though it's not.

What I really hate is when I get start to think about something such as science and come up with all these ideas and explainations and ideas for things, but at the same time realize that I don't know anywhere near enough for my explanation to be plausible or for me to think any deeper on the subject. I'm watching a program on teh Discovery Channel about Super-Massive Black Holes and I began to think about how similar they look to tornados. I know hardly anything about either of those, but I know enough to get my mind working and trying to compare them and figure things out ina totally wrong way. They both spin around some central point and travel on some sort of path. Both have objects spinning around them and nothing in the center. The computerized picture of a black hole looks strikingly smililar to that of a tornado. My idea is that a black hole is very similar to a tornado. The center would be a calm spot just as it is in a tornado. It would then be possible to travel through the center of a black hole. The problem would be getting to that point because just like a tornado, it can not be breached. If only I actually knew something on this subject.

From the barrage of helicopters overhead about 30 minutes ago many people are guessing that President Bush is here already. I personally think that it's a little early for him to arrive here. He has more important things to do that sit around West Point for a day and a half until the graduation ceremony on Saturday. It's probably just some high-ranking staff members arriving. I've seen the Secret Service around this week in their suits and earpieces. They changed Benny's Lounge in Ike Hall into command central for the president. I guess no Cows are getting to use the Cow Club.

The Queen of Jordan was here on Tuesday and attended the new crew boathouse dedication. Of course it was my luck that I was lazy and failed to go to even though I was supposed to be there. My friend Annah was really excited because she got to meet her, talk to her in Arabic, and have a picture taken with her.

Getting up this morning at 4:35 AM was not fun at all. My alarm went off, I hit snooze, and then proceeded to half-dream that drill had been cancelled and that we would get to go back to sleep. No such luck. While I was calling minutes at 4:55 for breakfast all I could think of was that I'm so tired and it seems so early, yet this summer I'll be getting up at the latest only 5 minutes later, if they let us sleep even that late. It was a really depressing thought. I opened my wardrobe this afternoon and realized that this morning I'd been so tired I'd hung up the gym-a shirt that I sleep in. It doesn't belong in the wardrobe and I don't even remember putting it there.

w.bloggar isn't working for me:(

It's way to freakin early for this. Today I had to get up at 0435 for a 0455 breakfast formation because of drill at 0600 today for the graduation parade tomorrow. Yesterday I got up at 0455 out at Camp Buckner for morning PT which consisted of a 4-mile regimental run. Calling cadence for 4-miles is not easy. Right now I just want to go back to sleep, but I don't have enough time. It's gonna be a long morning with drill in half-an-hour and then a parade at 10:30AM.

My parents are leaving today around 8:00AM. They should get here late tonight and want to come to the graduation parade tomorrow morning. I can't wait till everything is over on Saturday afternoon and I can go home. Almost there.

Right now my room is an absolute pit. There's clutter everywhere because I'm packing everything. Only 4 more days and I'll be home for 20 days:)

This past weekend I went to NYC with Amaka and her brother. We stayed at the Plaza hotel, went to see Spiderman and Attack of the Clones, walked through Central Park, went to Times Square a lot, did a lot of shopping but not a lot of buying, and overall just tried to forget about school. It was Fleet Week so there were a ton of Sailors and Marines in the city. One guy tried to get Amaka and I to go to a bar by telling us about the free drinks and all the men in uniform that'd be there. A guy in uniform was the last thing that I wanted to see and I groaned.

Last night I wanted to talk to somebody and so I called Frank. While I'm home I'm hoping to go out with him for coffee or something and talk about everything that's happend. I think I need to get some things out in the open and ask for forgiveness. I'm hoping to break down some barriers that have been put up between us. He was practically my best friend during the first half of high school and then it just went down hill. I talked to Ez about it and told her the whole story starting from when we played catch in 6th grade. I miss him and our friendship.

Happy 21st Birtday Betsy!!!

And the loser is...ME!!!!!
I can't wait to get home, get out of here, have some time alone. Too much crap has happened in the past few days.

The Thayer method: "Open a book, attempt to read and understand it, and then jump of the roof of Thayer Hall because you don't understand any of it." -- Jasmin Smith.
I think that's a very good description.

It's 12:13 and I should be in bed, but I'm still up studying for my chemistry TEE tomorrow. It's my last one. Then I'm off to NYC for the weekend with Amaka and her brother. I can't call her Ez this weekend because that's her last name, at least an abbreviation for it, and it'd get confusing. This weekend should be fun, and the best part is that I don't have any homework or studying to worry about.

I talked to Matt today and he knocked a healthy dose of reality into my skull. I need to stop creating my own imaginary troubles. Friends are wonderful.

My random thought of the day "I have voices in my head that speak another language." I think I just weirded out Jasmin by describing it. See, sometimes when I'm going to bed I stop and listen to what I'm thinking about and I realize that my brain is speaking french, or sometimes Italian or something. But I don't know those languages so it's just a guess. I have no clue what my brain is saying so I just sit back and listen to it. I can't speak it out loud because it's talking to fast and I mispronounce things. Maybe I'm making up the words and it just sounds like french or Italian or whatever to me, but it's still pretty interesting. I know its happend at least twice before. Maybe I really am crazy. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! :)

Matt's site looks really weird when I use Netscape navigator to look at it, but it looks fine when I use Microsoft Explorer. weird.

Now it is :)

This isn't working!

Last night Dan came over to study history and we made a timeline on my wall. It was a lot of fun to write on the wall. Jumping on the bed was also a lot of fun. I just stood on it and bounce up and down as I wrote. Thankfully no officers or anyone came to check on us because I don't think they would've like to see writing covering the wall. It came off really easily with 409. Studying can be fun.

I grew up in a very charismatic family, Church and community and always took it for granted. When I was 2nd or 3rd grade I received the gift of tongues. It was never weird to me because I grew up surrounded by Spiritual gifts in action. I'd heard that many Lutheran Churches stayed away from them, but I never thought a lot about it. It wasn't until the sermon at Church this past Sunday when I realized that most people don't have any experience with them. To me it's comforting to speech in Tongues, pray over people and be prayed over, and observe the other gifts of the Holy Spirit, but to a lot of people it's weird. I remember when my dad prayed over Steph and later she told me she felt like it was something out of the Exorcist. I didn't know what to say. It's sad, but I had my group of friends whom I could discuss God and Christianity with and then I had those who I didn't because it was uncomfortable. Here I hardly ever talk about my faith with anyone.

I used to want to be a missionary. It was that or a soldier. Now, I'm a soldier. It's possible to be both. I used to talk to my Uncle Jeff about it. He's the one who actually got me thinking about West Point in 8th or 9th grade. My biggest problem is stepping out of my comfort zone. I'd rather stay right where I am, where it's safe and comfortable.

The new boat house is really cool! It's not down yet, but I got a tour of it. I think I'm going to live down there next year and only come back up to go to class and be in bed for taps. I can workout, shower, eat, do laundry, and stay in gym-A in the boathouse. It's perfect.

I got a B+ on my CS TEE. I guess that's okay, but I was one percentage point away from an A-. Tomorrow I find out how I did in english. I think I did okay, but not great. I'm not terribly good at writing. "Terribly good," what an oxymoron.

I haven't talked to him since Sunday, except the email. I saw him both yesterday and today at lunch, but I don't know if he saw me. I don't have time to think about this stuff right now because if I do I'll spend too much time anaylzing everything. It's probably nothing. Guys are so confusing to me.

I'd like to that Jasmin for the misspelling in the last post and Matt for pointing it out. I can't spell worth crap. Good news is that Clark and Chloe are dating. I don't watch enought tv i guess. This week i'm trying to make up for that.

I'm gonna miss central area next year. It's so fun at night. The boxing match was really funny. They used sockem booper things. If I only had a camera.

Don't join the Marines Whitney! Basic training sucks!!! okay okay, it's just a tv show, but... but... but. I'll just be quiet now. My opinion is that Clark and Chloe should get together. I'm all for that kind of thing happening. Some guys go after a certain girl for so long and never realize that the perfect girl is right there in front of them and has been all along. Awe, what a good show. Stupid guy with the binoculars. That peice of a spaceship looks like silicon. Hey, its reminisent of my prom. It was pouring when we got out of the limo. DON'T JOIN THE MARINES WHITNEY! Guys in civies look so much better. Awe, it's so nice when a guy tells a girl she looks beautiful. Jasmin is in the background saying "Whitney's going to die, Whitney's going to die." He's gonna get a major haircut. I should be studying, but this is too much fun. Do dances still have live bands? Hight school's never did. Awe,Clark asked Chloe to dance. That sky looks cool, I love storms, but flying mailboxes are not cool. It's like TWISTER the movie. 3 of them. wow. I agree with Jasmin, getting back in the car is not a good idea. A commercial right now is even worse of an idea. Come on, get back to the show. It's the season finale:( Hey, it's a rowing commercial, but not my kind of rowing. I don't like Ford very much. Never have. Yay! show's back. Famous last words "he'll be fine." The spaceship is glowing. weird. even weirder now. That's a lot of balloons on the floor. Cool. Awe. Clark and Chloe so cute together. Come on, kiss. NOOOOOO!!! STUPID TORNADO WARNING. He vanished. Yes Lex, the spaceship piece is gone. That's not a nice dad. darn. he's trapped. boo hoo. Lex should help him though. It's the right thing to do. That's a scary look in his eyes. Now it's one big tornado. bye bye farm house. Get out of the car Lana. Go Clark go! WHAT!!!!!!! THEY CAN'T END IT THAT WAY! THAT'S NOT FAIR. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Good music. Now back to studying.

20 used to seem so old, but now most of my friends are over 20. Thankfully I still have 1.5 years to go before I get there. I can't belive it. I remeber when my babysitter seemed like a grown-up to me, and she was probably only 12. Age here doesn't really matter. It's so screwed up. Some plebes are 24 or 25 while some firsties are only 21. When you're 27, like the First Captain, you're ancient and people joke about you needing a walker and depends. For some reason I just forget about the age of people in my classes and my friends and assume that they're all my age, but in reality some of them have a good 4 or 5 years on me. It's not a big deal, it's just kinda weird when I stop and think about it. I don't really have friends that age back home because they seem much older than me, but here I have a lot who are Heidi and Betsy's age. Weird.

Woohoo! Erich wrote back. It was a rather short message, basically just said trust God and good luck on TEE's. Now, back to life.

Matt rules.

I wonder if my parents really are getting Betsy a car for her birthday? I hope they do. My whole family is trying to get me to get Betsy a date for the dance. They keep mentioning it. I'm bad enough with guys by myself, but trying to find one for my sister as well. You may as well just send me to the nunnery right now. At least I have a few months left to avoid the topic.

When the aliens come, they'll eat the fat ones first...SO GO WORKOUT, FOR YOUR OWN SAKE!!!! -Adam
These words from the guy who I sometimes do laundry for. It's a crew thing.

Guys here are so refined. West Point has trained them well. Their language skills are off the charts and so they find it necassary to show the world their talent. They do this by yelling "dick" and "cock-sucker" out the window.

The boxing match in central area last night a few minutes before taps was fun to watch. Jasmin and I heard people yelling out their windows and thought it was someone doing the naked man and so we ran over to Ez's room. It's fun to watch the Officers and cadets on guard chase them. Last semster during TEE week there were 4 or 5 people who did it at the same time. Last year CPL Queen did it, but got caught. He ended up with 107 hours and 30-60 days of room restriction. He's now a century man. Something I hope to never be.

TEE week rules, except for the actual TEE part. There's one 3.5 hour test in the mornign from 7:35-11:05 and the rest of the day is free -- no formations or anything. After my CS TEE today which I finished at 9:45, I came back to my room downloaded MP3 Voyeur and searched for music and any cool movies on the network. I found a few recent releases, but not very many. Then I went to lunch, took a nap until 3pm, and then watched HeartBreakers. Midway through I stopped the movie and went on a jog to Trophy Point. The view is very magnificant. I sat by the Battle Monument and stared at the moutainous hills (thanks Jaz) framing the Hudson River far below. I love this place.

Yesterday Erich emailed me and asked me to go to breakfast, but I guess he didn't get my reply so it didn't happen. I sent him an email late last night. I don't really remember exactly waht it said and I don't think I want to find out either. I didn't tell him I like him, but I bet it was almost that bad. Now I'm laying low. If it's over it's over and was never meant to be. I have other things to spend my time thinking about.

12 days left and counting. Time flies by. Last year at this time the count down to R-day was going on. I'm so glad I'm not a new cadet this year. They're making Beast a living hell once again. My class got off so easy. I just hope we don't become known as "2005, too weak to survive."

I guess that if I find Betsy a date for the Camp Illumination dance at Buckner than she'll come up with my parents. I have no idea how I would go about doing that. I can just see myself going up to some guy and saying "Hi, want to take my sister to a dance?" Shoot me now. I don't want to subject Betsy to the guys here. There are a some nice ones, but they are few and far between, and also usually already taken. I seriously doubt that I'll do anything with this. It's just too weird. I don't even know if I'll have a date. It's too far in the future to think about.

Yesterday was the the company pig roast. On the way down the pig roast I laughed at how so many of my friends from back home would love to be in my shoes right now. So many jacked guys down at the river courts with out shirts on. All the new people from my class coming to the company next year were invited. Erich's really good friend, Patrick, was there. Even though I've met him twice, I wasn't sure if it was him because I'm really bad with names and faces. The pig roast was fun. I started out hanging out with Jaz and Ez, then I played frisbee with Meloy, Scheid, and Miller. After that I played catch with Hinchman, Sherk, and Mickie. I think the guys in my company were suprised at how hard I could throw. After that Soler asked me to play two-hand touch footabll with them and so I joined the plebe team along with Jasmin. She left about half way through the game and so I the only girl playing. It was shirts and skins, the other side being skins of course. I managed to score one touch down for my team. Who knows if we won or lost in the end.

I HAVE A 'C' IN ENGLISH!!!! Not a great grade by any means, but it's better than what I feared it'd be. Gotta love it. Now, on to the pig roast. The pig is in the orderly room under a table in a box. It's dead and gross.

Last day of classes :)

He who dwells in the shelter
of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of
the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord,"He is
my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly
pestilence.
He will cover you with his
feathers,
and under his wings you will
find refuge;
his faithfullness will be your
shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of
night;
nor the arrow that flies by
day,
nor the pestilance that stalks in
the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys
at miday.
A thousand may fall at your
side,
ten thousand at your right
hand,
but it will not come near
you.
You will only observe with your
eys
and see the punishment of
the wicked.
If you make the Most High
your dwelling -
eve the Lord who is my
refuge-
then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near
your tent.
For he will command his
angels concerning you
to guard you in all your
ways;
they will life you up in their
hands,
so that you will not strike
your foot against a
stone.
You will tread upon the lion
and the cobra;
you will trample the great
lion and serpent.
"Because he loves me," says
the Lord, "I will rescue
him;
I will protect him, for he
acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will
answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor
him.
With long life will I satisfy
him
and show him my salvation.
-Psalm 91 NIV

Psalm 91 is my favorite Psalm for a number of reasons. It was the first one I remember reading. Besty pointed it out to me when I was in elementry school and I loved it from the start. Reading it gave me a feeling of protection and comfort. It's also the Psalm I read to my Grandma a few hours before she died. That was one of the moments in my life that I'll cherish forever.

It was the summer going into my senior year of high school and I was going on a 2.5 week mission trip to Trinidad with the Word of God. Betsy went on the trip two years before and had a blast and so I was looking forward to going. A few months before I left my Grandma was diagnosed with cancer again, but this time we all knew that this was the last time. A few weeks before I left we got word that she probably only had a few months left to live. The news was hard to take, but I figured I'd be back in plenty of time to spend time with her and say goodbye. The Sunday I left I broke down crying in Church. There was a fear that something would happen and I would be in Trinidad when she died. She was declineing, but very slowly and so there shouldn't have been any reason to worry. When I got there I called home a few times to check up on how things were going. Then everything changed. My dad sent me a fax and told me that I should write a letter with last words to her. That was a very hard letter to write. I still have a copy of it at home. It tells her how much I love her and some other things. A few days after I faxed my letter to her word came that she had stablaized a bit and it looked like I'd make it home in time. It stayed that way for the remainder of my time in Trinidad. On the flight home there was a 6 hour lay-over at the airport in Miami. For some reason I had a really strong urge to call my parents. I got off the plane in Miami and looked for a phone. There were many around, but for some reason none of them would accept my calling card or any of my friend's calling cards. I spent hours looking for a way to call home while my anxiety hightned. I really needed to make that call for some reason. Finally, after about 4 or 5 hours I somehow managed to get ahold of a calling card and called my mom. It was then I found out that my Grandma's condition had taken a sharp decline and she didn't have very long, only a few hours. My parents told me that they had been trying to get me on an earlier flight home that day, but there weren't any avaliable. I still get choked up when I remember them telling me. To make matters even worse, right after I got off the phone it was anounced that our plane was delayed for another 2-4 hours. I had a feeling of utter hoplessness and grief. All I wanted to do was get home as soon as possible. When we eventually got in the air the flight seemed to take forever. I had a strong desire to give my Mom a huge hug all throughout the flight home. We reached Detroit and I was hurried of the plane and to my Parents and sisters who were at the gate waiting for me. We hurried to the car and I learned that she was still alive but in a coma at my Uncles house. A little after midnight we arrived there. I was let into the bedroom to see her. She looked so different, so frail, so small, and I started crying once again. They left me alone so that I could talk to her and my Mom handed me a Bible and suggested that I read a Psalm because she liked to hear them. It was then that I read Psalm 91 to her. I was very choked up and it was hard to read, but I'll never forget that moment. It's so special to me. I also was able to tell her that I loved her. The plan was for me to come back the next day and see her again, but my mom came into my room the next morning and told me that she had passed away that night. My family says that she was waiting for me to come home. That means the world to me. Grandma, I love you.

My legs are sore for once! I guess I did get a pretty good workout from swimming intervals last night. The best part is that it was fun. Too bad they're draining the pool for repairs on Saturday. I won't be able to go swimming again untill I'm home.

I wonder what it'll be like to be home for 3 weeks. I plan on working out a lot because of Buckner and Crew. I'll miss talking to and seeing Erich and all the rest of my friends here. It'll be nice to see the people back home.

Yesterday I was talking to Ez about guys as we walked to the pool. The guy I like (see name above) is so athletic and stuff and I'm no where near that. I can hold my own in most stuff, but it's not like I'm awesome at it. What if, supposing that there's a chance he likes me (who knows about that) he expects me to be awesome at everything also, and then I go and I'm not. I guess the obvious answer then is that he's not the right guy for me and I'm not the right girl for home. Sometimes I'm blind to the obvious answer untill I write it down. Now I feel better and need to get to class.

West Point is not a free education by any means. It's "$250,000 pulled out of our asses 1 cent at a time = 1 penny every 5 seconds for four years."

Some people see me as quiet, i see myself as a deep thinker. Some people think that I am really conservative, i understand that I think my choices through very carefully and decide for myself what is best. Some people think that I don't have interpersonal skills, I know that I just need a little more time to become comfertable and trust people. Some girls like guys because they are hot, I truely only care what is on the inside. Some people think that I will always be the way I am; I know that I am still growing and changing. Give me a chance and I may suprise you.

I went over to LT COL. Surdu's house for dinner tonight along with the other plebes that he and his wife sponsor. After dinner we discussed military life, our majors, and weapons systems. During the course of the discussion of weapons systems he mentioned that China was probably the next country the US would be at war with. The chinese are already starting to obtain nuclear submarines or something from the Russians. COL Surdu said that they will probably use these to attack US carriers. I asked him when he thought this might happen and he said in 10 or 12 years. As Molly then pointed out to me, that's the time when my classmates and I will be beginning to really take command in the army in a more prominent way. We have a very interesting future ahead of us. Who knows what'll happen.

I wonder if there are camera's in my room or in classrooms here. How much do they moniter, and who is the "they"? West Point trains and educates the future leaders of the Army and many of the leaders in the civilian world. I know they monitor our computers and stuff, but what else do they do? What don't I know about? How much do they know about me? I don't think I have anything to hide. That's one of the reasons I play it really safe all the time. Later on it won't be there to use against me if the need ever arises. I also hate getting in trouble.

Sharing is usually a good thing, but did Jasmin really have to share her headache? I got one at lunch and it lasted untill about 9:30. Headaches suck. Rain sucks too. It rained all day here. I was soaked at crew practice because all we did was stand outside and rig boats. I must say I love gortex. It kept the upper half of my body nice and dry.

18 more days. Only 18. I'm scared that I'll suddenly fail a class and have to stay for STAP. I don't want to have to go to summer school. I want to go home. 18 days = 432 hours = 25,920 min = 1,555,200 sec. I can make it.

Gotta love grey, rainy, cold weather. The nice view of the mess hall granite side doesn't help to cheer this room up. Maybe that's why they painted the far wall bright yellow. They're trying to trick us into thinking that this is a cheery place by hopeing I'll walk into my room and say "oh look at that bright yellow wall. That makes me so happy. I love this place" while I ignore the grey wall outside my window staring me straight in the face. It's not working.

I love Philly! It's now on my places I want to live when I'm older. Also on that list is Texas, Michigan, and New York.

Nationals was fun. My boat got 2nd in our heat and then 4th in the semi-finals. We rowed a 7:20-something friday afternoon and a 7:02 Saturday morning. That's a huge difference. Next year I hope we make it to the finals. What's cool is that now I'm on Varsity:) Yay!

Erich and I were supposed to go for a walk Saturday night after I got back, but I got back late and he had gone to see a movie with one of his friends because he didnt' know where I was. That's what I figured had happend, but since I was dissaponted about losing, exhausted, and sunburnt, I was in a really bad mood. Ez can attest to that. What I needed to do was sleep, but I didn't want to. Eventually I did around midnight and I was out.

This morning I went over to Erich's room to see him because he wasn't going to Church because of his allergy's. I wanted to go to Church, but I was in no shape to and I wanted to talk to him. It was nice to just sit and talk to him for a while.

Happy Mother's day!

YAY!! I got my cell phone last night along with a bunch of homemade food from my mom. I love packages from home and so do my friends. I took some funny pictures of Jaz and Ez eating the cookies.

Erich also IM'd me and we talked for over an hour last night:) That was great.

Holy Crap!!! I think I've been away from home for to long. Michigan is seeming less and less to be my home. Augh! On that note, I love New York for the most part. The hills/mountains around here are so magnificant. The drive to and from the regatta last weekend was awesome. I just stared out the window in awe. The race course had a beautiful setting. I love the outdoorss as long as I'm not doing military training in it.

I just had a near death experiance...in my mind. There was a math quiz last friday that my P said we could use our homework to help us out with it and luckily I had just done it the hour before. When I turned in the quiz I also turned in the homework just so that he would know that I hadn't cheated and been using something else. Today I got the quiz back had gotten a 93/100 on it which I was happy about. Then he came back with the homework that I had done and asked where the rest of it was. I was confused by that and said that was all that I had done. I'd only done 4 problems out of the assignment, but I thought he had said that we could use any of the stuff we had done, not that we could only use it if we had done all of it. He told me to see him after class. During class I was pretty nervous and tried to figure out what I had done wrong and how to correct it. I decided that a 10-15 point cut be fair on the quiz if I actually had missunderstood his directions. After class he came over and told me that he would have to write a note to my TAC because I had failed to meet the requirements. That got my heart racing. A note to my TAC over a small missunderstanding on a quiz? I'd face an Article-10 and hours from now untill the end of the school year. I asked him what the requirements were, just so that I could get it clear in my mind what I had actually done wrong before I faced the wrath of my TAC. Thankfully, my asking my P what the requirements were made him recheck the assignement and realize that he was thinking I had totally blown off a whole other assignment. The other assignement was for the people who had failed the FSE and had to do a ton of work or else eit be kicked out of here. I hadn't failed it and so I didn't have to do it. When my P realized his mistake he apologized and then said that he would still write a note to my TAC, but this one would be a good one about how I did my homework (very rare for people in that class). I just kinda stood there very very very relieved as the news sunk in that I wasn't in trouble and had actually done something good. I don't think my doing homework justifies a note to my TAC, but any good word put in on my behalf from a P is helpfull.

This weekend my boat got 4th place in the finals at New York States. Over all Army got 3rd place. I really wanted to get at least 3rd place in the race. We almost had it at the end. 15 more strokes would have done it, but it wasn't there. I didn't understand why I was so upset about it untill Beth was talking to me about it. I tried my best, but my best wasn't good enough. At West Point we're told a million times that we're the best of the best. It's hammered into our heads day after day. I never thought that I bought into it, but when Beth said that my best wasn't good enough, that got to me. Maybe I do except to be the best of the best all the time. I know that I'm not, but perhaps my mind believes that I'm supposed to be the best.

What adds to my unhappiness is my belief that my parents expect me to be the best, and then when I'm it's not good enough for them. I called home last weekend to tell them that we got first place and they were really excited about it, as was I. Then my dad asked me what Ivy League schools we had raced and there were'nt any there. In my mind that cheapend my victory. The truth is that we probably would not have beaten them if they were there. They recruit the best rowers in the nation, and on my team only 3 of us, myself included, have rowed before this year. I called home today to tell them about this race and when I said that we got 4th they were just like "oh, that's nice." Even yesterday when I called home to say that we got 2nd in our heat i felt like that wasn't good enough for them. They don't know how much we've improved and how impressive it is for a school that doens't recruit and faces the daily scheduale that we do to do that well. Last fall I didn't have the heart to tell them that I wasn't the stroke of the boat by the end of the season. I felt like that was their pride and joy of my doing crew beacause I was the leader of the boat. Luckily, I'm back in that spot this spring. They've been asking me when I call home to tell them how we did if I was the stroke. What happens if I say that I'm not? Does that cheapen how well I did in their eyes?

I think I'm just tired right now and need to rest. Once I do that life will be better. It usually works that way. I overreact when I'm tired. Need to work on that.

My A- in CS went down to a B+ because of the B on the IT project. Now I only have one A- and the rest are all B's. Last semester I was 296 in the class. This semester I think I'm gonna be lower. My friends on the crew team are all smart and have better grades then me. Molly is #1 academically in the class, Ann is #13, and a lot of people are high up there. I bet Wildermuth will be the first captain when we're firsties. He's prior service, on the jump team, #1 militarly and #8 academically. Jasmin said that she heard that over 100 girls have left from our class. That only leave about 80 of us. Kinda scary if thats true. 80 girls and 1000 guys.

This summer (by that I mean the 3 weeks I'm home) I want to go camping, kyaking, see my friends a lot, go to Isaac's T-ball game, sleep, eat, see my friends, relax, work out at domino's farms, go to Ceder Point, bike, swim, drive a car, see my friends, stay up late, sleep in late, watch movies, see friends. HAVE FUN!!!!

I really don't feel like doing homework right now. I have a history paper, english paper, and CS project due next week. I leave tomorrow and don't get back until Sunday night, and then I leave again Thursday and don't get back until Sunday night again. I'm screwed.

I haven't seen Erich all week:( I've talked to him a bit on IM, but it's been a Thayer week for him and so homework has gotten in the way. He wanted to introduce me to his dad this weekend, but I'm gonna be gone:(

I've noticed that I haven't really talked to Matt recently:( I miss him. I just thought of something horrible. What if we're growing apart. Time and distance do that to people. NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I don't want that to happen. The majority of our conversations now consist of saying hi, what were're doing at the moment, and maybe a few other words.

That reminds me. I should call or email Frank sometime. I feel bad that I never get around to talking to him. I think he gave up on emailing me because I took so long to respond.

I'm going home in less than a month:) It's so nice to know that I don't have to go through R-day and being a new cadet this summer. I think I've changed in the past 10 months. I've at least learned how to speak in a language that almost no one back home understands. I use Military/ West Point terms at home and don't even realize that no one understands me:

R&T, SAMI, AMI, PMI, WPR, WRIT, CCQ, CQC, CoC, ESP, yuk, cow, firstie, ADA, AOG, boodle, smack, brass, minutes, hours, CIC, ACIC, rack, smoked, TEE, trou, OC, civvies, CGR, tool, TED, BCG, ODIA, DMI, DPE, FCDT, green girl, corps squad, TL, SL, PSG, CO, XO, knowledge, orderlies, laundry, RTO, sound off, pop off, donkey dick, MRE, web ct, in-ranks, parade, 1-4 class, beast, CTLT, CPRC, MIAD, PIAD, AI, reorgy week, and lots more, but I'm so used to useing them that I don't think they're weird.

Recently I've noticed that my weird, random side isn't as profound anymore. Maybe I just don't have the time or energy. I have a larger ego, i know that. That's both a good and a bad thing. Good because it gives me more confidence, which I need, but bad because big egos tend to be bad.

Last weekend I thought about marriage a lot. There's a good possibility that I could engaged in 3 years. Right now I still think it's a little early to start getting serious because of time and other reposibilities, but that's not far off. I am looking for somethign more in a relationship right now though. It makes the whole thing with Erich very confusing for me.

I''m now the proud owner of a Koday EasyShare DX3900 Zoom with the Camera Dock. Good stuff.

YAY!!!! Thunderstorms are awesome. It started raining right before practice and ended right after practice, and now there's a thunderstorm. Margret called it West Point's way of hazing us. Drill was canceled today because of the drizzel. What sucks for them is that they'll have to drill on Friday because of the parade on Sunday. Gotta love crew with drill and parade autho's :)

I love the Simpsons!!!!!