Time for some more late night writing. Up untill the end of junior year of high school I told everybody to forget anything I said or wrote after 11pm. It was after 11pm that I would talk to Andrew, the guy I liked in 10th grade, and would end up saying really stupid stuff.

There's a show about West Point on the Travel Channel right now. I've seen a couple of my friends on it so far. I kinda want to watch it to see if I know anyone else, but I'm not that interested in hearing about all the accomplishments of the graduates and I'd rather listen to music and type. I have such tough choices in my life. Wow! Gen. Custer graduated last in his class from West Point. There is hope for me! Hey, they just showed Erich's old company in the sandhurst competition, but it was from last year's and he wasn't on that team. Oh well. Okay, I've seen enough. It's just repeating the same stuff every show about West Point says.

Heidi and I went to see the Bourne Identity tonight at Quality 16. I thought it was a pretty good movie, but she didn't like it too much because it didn't go along with the book. We stopped at Meijer after it was over to try and buy a copy of the book for me, but they didn't have one. I wish I could be like the main character, not in his proffession, but in knowing many languages fluently, being great at martial arts, able to run fast and far, and all that stuff. There were a lot of high schoolers there. It's really easy to spot them. I didn't realize that until I came home from school at Christmas. Everyone looks so young. I bet I'll be saying that about college students in a few years.

I talked to Erich a little today on IM. It was nice to talk to him again, but not much was said. Everything good takes time. Five days till I see him. No, I'm not counting, but Jasmin is counting the days until Buckner starts. Gotta love roommates:)

It was great seeing Matt today. I didn't realize how much I miss actually talking to him in person. I really hope I can hang out with him again before I leave.

Tomorrow, well now it's today, my Dad and I are probably going to go fishing. Today, or yesterday if you want to get technical, I went fishing and caugh 2 trees and almost caught my dad's car. Okay, I was just practicing casting in front of my house. I sucked so bad at first. My dad would do it perfectly and then go inside and I would try. The line would get all tangled up and everthing would be messed up. Finally I managed to get better after my Dad figured out I had put too much line on the spool. What a smart man. Before I came home I invited Frank to go fishing with us, but now I kinda wish I were going alone with my Dad, but I'm not about to go back on the invitation. Perhaps it will be more fun with him there. I haven't talked to him since we went out for lunch 1.5 weeks ago.

Off to bed I go and it's not even 2am yet. Amazing!

I think I have the comments working now which is good.

I came home from the Church picnic and realized I was really tired and wanted to take a nap. I also wanted to read a book because I haven't had a chance to do a lot of reading yet. I found two books and started to read them while I laid in bed and after a while I decided to go to sleep. Of course I couldn't fall asleep. It was just my luck that I was no longer tired and so now I'm up and looking for something to do. Hmm, food, tv, or store. Tough choice.

Yesterday I went over to the big softball tournament and saw some of my teammates from highschool, a few parents, and my old coachs. Everyone wanted to know how school was going and all that stuff. It gets really boring repeating myself two million times. Maybe I should just tape a sign to myself that answers all the questions everyone asks:

"Do you like it there? Yes, School is great and I like it there. No, I hate it and would rather die than go back. j/k:) Is it hard? Yes, it is hard but that's okay. Actually, it's the easiest school in the world. We sit around and do nothing all day wasting tax payers money. What do you think? Did you like your roommates? Yes, I liked my roommates and made some great friends. Are they going to be your roommates next year? No, because we're in different companies. Do you get to choose your roommates? SometimesAre you on summer break now? Yes, I'm have a summer break but I'm only home for 20 days. Stop reminding me that my break is almost overAre you enjoying your break? Yes. No, I hate it and never want to have another break. Are you an idiot? What are you doing then? I'm going to Camp Buckner. Buck-Nam. woohoo. i'm going to be living in a model of a POW camp for 6 weeks. Where is that? Down the road from West Point. What do you do there? Small squad tactics training along with going to Fort Knox for a week and living out in the woods for a week. Get up way to early and do some grueling PT, sleep with the insects, and live like prisoners of war. Are you going to drive tanks? No, but at Fort Knox I'm going to ride in them. Do you actually think that they'd just let all of us drive tanks around? Do you get to shoot guns? I'll have an M16A2 and mostly be firing blanks. Please don't be stupid enought to ask me if we're firing live rounds at each other. Sounds fun. I guess. Just what I wanted to do this summer instead of sleep in late, hang out with friends at home, watch tv and use the computer. Have a good summer. You too." ask me any more questions and I'll scream.

That's a little to much for a sign I guess. Perhaps I should just print it out on pieces of paper and hand them out to everyone. The italics are just my thoughts and wouldn't be printed on the paper. I'm really not this bitter, but I needed to vent a little.

Still working on it.

Tonight I made danish puff. It's some good stuff.
I'm still trying to get everything worked out with the template.

I'm trying to add comments to this thing, but I don't know if it's working.

Sometimes I have so much stuff going through my head and I want to write it all down and tell it to someone, but then when I get the chance to I don't remember any of it. Funny how that works out. This summer I'm not going to have access to a computer for at least six weeks so I'm probably going to start writing letters again. Last summer I realized how much I like to write. I'm not a writer -- in fact I suck at writing -- but I like to get my thoughts out. I also like the idea that someone might read them. That's not what's importnant to me, but I've found it helps me write.

One of the things that I want is to feel special in someones eyes. That is also one of the hardest things for me to do for a person. The main thing that I want out of a relationship is to feel special, yet a relationship is not about reciving, it's about giving. I have a hard time letting myself try to make someone feel like they are special. I don't like that about myself. It's kinda hard to explain, but I'm going to try anyways. For example, if I bake someone bread and give it to them I'll deny that I did it just for them and say that I made bread for a number of my friends -- which I probably would do so that I could say that, but the main reason I made the bread was to give it to that one person. Okay, that's not a great example, but just hang in there. I've never had a single best friend, but I've had many really close friends. I'm afriad I'll get annoying and so after a while I back off from a friend and give them some space. I only call a friend once a week to talk. That's changed a tiny bit the past two years, but not a lot. Here's anothe example of what I'm trying to get at. Teresa and I went around last night to Bill, Matt, and Becki's respective houses and did different things to their houses for fun. I can only do that stuff to people that I'm comfertable with and how I'm good friends with, for the most part. Because that's the case I'm more apt to avoid them afterwords if they find out it was me because to me it's like I'm saying "Hey, I like being your friend and this is one way of me trying to make you feel special" in a sense. That puts me in a position of feeling vulnerable and I hate feeling vulnerable. In order to try and protect myself I therefore back off.

It was not until just now that I came to realize how much I hate feeling vulnerable. Side note: I'm analyzing stuff way too much right now because it's late and I'm tried, but this is fun and so I'm going to keep doing it. Oh, and if I'm spelling vulnerable wrong or anything, I don't care. Speaking in groups of people makes me feel vulnerable, so I avoid it. I don't ask questions in class very often because that too makes me feel that way. When I started this blog I felt that way because I'm sharing a part of myself and there's the possiblity that someone might actually read it. I almost stopped writing in here because of it, but finally I told myself that I was doing this for myself and it doesn't matter if other people read it because I'm not going to care what they think. I'm not going to let it bother me. This sounds stupid, but in middle school and the beginnign of high school I hated hugs because I was afraid that someone would think that I hugged to hard, or too long, or not long enough, or some crap like that. Once again, hugs made me feel vulnerable. It took me a while to get over that. There are many other things that have made me and still do make me feel vulnerable and so I try my best to protect myself. Some of the things I need to overcome and I hope that I do eventually.

Every night I go to bed and say to myself that tomorrow I'll go to bed earlier so that I don't sleep in as late, but it hasn't happened yet. I don't like sleeping in real late because it makes me feel like I've wasted part of my day. I also like the fresh, bright feeling that only early morning can provide. That doesn't mean that I like to get up at 5am however. I'm not looking forward to getting back to school and getting up at 5 for some PT everyday. Somehow I'll survive, I hope.

Today I went out in search of a kite. I love flying kites and at West Point there are some great places to fly them, but I never had one to fly. Every windy day I wished I had one and so I want to make it a point to fly a kite while I'm home. It's fun to watch them go so high up in the sky and feel the force of the wind as the kite tugs on the string. I searched for them at Meijer and at Target, but neither store carried them. It wasn't a total lose going to those stores because I got to spend time in the toy department. I'm still a little kid at heart and I love toys. While I was in NYC I made my friends go with my to the big toy stores there. The biggest one around here is TOYS R US and so that's where I went next in my search for a kite. I wanted to play with all the toys that I saw, but there were a lot of adults around and it would have looked pretty weird. The kite selection consisted of a whopping two kites. One was $4.99 and the other was $9.99. I went with the more expensive one because it seemed a little higher quality. It has an ET theme with a hole in the center where ET's spaceship goes and spins. I was hoping to fly it but a thunderstorm prevented that from happening.

I was out with Steph this evening and we went to pick up a pizza and ran into Tara. I haven't seen her since junior year and didn't recognize her at first. She hasn't changed:)

I wish I had more links, but none of my other friends have blogs and the only other things that I can think to link to are my school, and that's just boring. If I ever find something interesting to put there I will.

Yesterday Teresa came over around 1pm and we went to 7 Eleven to get slurpies and then to the park to play on the playground and swings. I haven't been on a swing in the longest time and it was fun to do it again. I tried to kick my sandles off to see how far they'd go, but instead of going out very far they went up really far and then came almost staight down. After that we went and explored the creek and searched for the frogs that kept evading us by jumping in the water and swimming under the creek bank before we saw them. We did find a crayfish skeleton however.

The Red Wings game was awesome. Becki invited me to Dorian's house to watch the game with some other people. The house was really big and had a lot of cool new stuff in it. I played pool with a few of the guys in teams of two. My team was really close to winning, but we didn't. It was great whent the Red Wings won the Stanley Cup. After that I drove Amy home. She was one of my best friends from when I was born all through high school, but I didn't get a chance to see her a lot this year.

About Matt. Of course I know where he lives. I've found that if I go to anyone's house at least once I usually remember where it is. It doesn't matter who. I thought that everyone was like that, but I guess not. Amy can't even remember my phone number when I've only been gone for one year, yet I can still remember the phone numbers of my friends from middle school and elementry school. Now if I could just remember all the knowledge I'm supposed to know at West Point.

Oh, and the bike riding to Dexter has nothing to do with Matt. It's a beautiful place and I have many friends who live there. It's a nice place to ride to because it's far enough away to be a little challenging, but not too far that I have to call home and have someone get me. Only riding around the city was getting boring because I'd gone everywhere. I did stop by my Grandma's house, but she wasn't home. For some reason, ever since I was little, I've liked going West. Going East feels like I'm losing my freedom, but when I go West I feel more free. That's why when I go on bike rides I only ride West until I have to turn around and head home. I'm weird, but that's what makes me me.

AHHH!! Only a week left of summer for me. What's sad is that summer doesn't actually start untill the day I have to go back to school.

Tuesday my Jungle Boots came, but they were too big so my mom and I drove out to some military base around Detroit to get some new ones. I ended up spendint $100 dollars on the boots, a few camo bungie cords my mom wanted me to get, and a polyporpolene shirt.

Yesterday I went out to lunch with Betsy, but before I went to pick her up I had to put some gas in my car. As it turns out my credit card was maxed out due in no small part to the fact that my dad made me buy a $400 blender on it 2 weeks ago. Why do they need a blender with 2 horsepower? I don't understand. Anyway, I was not happy. Some really nice guy ended up paying the $5 that I didn't have on me. The day did get better, however. Betsy and I had a nice lunch at Tio's. She's making an appointment to visit the convent she's interested in joining. It's in NYC, or thereabouts, but I don't think that I'd ever get to see her. I support her 100% with whatever she does, but I kinda think that my mom and dad will take it kinda hard. They weren't too thrilled with the idea of her becoming Catholic in the first place. I'm sure they're get used to it evetually, if she does decide to become a nun, but it might take a while. From what I gather, my mom had a little trouble getting used to the fact that i was joining the military and going to West Point. Gotta love scaring the parents. I wonder what Heidi's gonna do now.

After lunch with Betsy my mom and I drove to Kalamazoo area to visit my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins. Isaac had a t-ball game and so we went and watched it. Uncle Jeff was the coach, but he was feeling sick and so he went home. Aunt Sue asked me to coach the team, I felt the parents who actually have seen a t-ball game before would do better. I would have probably ended up telling some 5 year-old to steal 2nd or throw the ball to 2nd from home in order to get the runner out. They don't keep score and there's a really good reason for that. It was a lot of fun to watch because they're just getting the hang of the game and look really cute, but none of them know how to catch a ball yet. It was fun.

Last night I planned on getting up this morning and going for a run before breakfast. That didn't happen. I woke up at 9:30 and tried to talk myself into it, but by 11 when I finaly got up I had talked myself out of it. Today was spent shopping for stuff for Buckner. Around 4 I realized that I needed to get some exercise in and it was either running or bike rideing. I hate running and so the bike won. It was just going to tbe a trip around the city, but I ended up going into downtown Dexter. The way back felt a lot shorter then the way there. It was fun and sort of relaxing with plenty of time to think.

Good luck Jaz, Ez, Erich, Annah, and Adam in STAP and good luck Matt with finals.

On to the subject of guys. A three week break from them is great. I was getting way to caught up with Erich and thinking about him. We're just friends and thats the way it should be. Yes, I like him, but I think I liked him too much. I don't need to worry or stress about this stuff because there are far more important things in my life. Besides, worrying and stressing do nothing.

While I've been home I've hung out with a few of my guy friends. They are great guys, but only as friends. It's funny, most of the guys I know assume that since I've spent one year in the military I know everything about every weapons system avaliable today, and that I enjoy talking about them. That's not the case. Back to guys now. When I got back from NYC and realized that Erich had blocked me - perhaps it was an accident, maybe it wasn't. I'm not blocked anymore- I was really upset and wanted to talk to someone. The first person that came to mind was Erich, but since he was the one who blocked me I imediatly ruled that out. Next, Matt came to mind, but since he's usually the one I call and whine and complain to I decided to give him a break. There's only so much a person can take. For some reason Frank popped into mind after that and I ended up calling him. We had a nice chat and I didn't talk about what had happend at all but I still felt better afterwords. In fact, I felt so much better that I wanted to ask him right then to the Camp Illumination Dance at the end of Buckner so that he could come out and see West Point. I decided to wait until after I talked to him in person and we sorted some stuff out. When we went out to lunch I realized that I love Frank a ton, as a brother, but he's not the sort of friend that I can take to a dance. Things aren't like they used to be and we are both different now. I doubt that I'll bring anyone from home for that dance. Yearling Winter Weekend is still up in the air because it's a long ways off. A lot can happen in half a year.

Right now I'm thinking that if I marry, and I'm hoping that someday I do get married, it will probably be to someone who graduated from West Point or was/is at least in the military. I like guys in civilian clothes a ton more than guys in uniforms, but I have a lot more in common with the men in the military. That's at least 3 years off, probably a lot more than that. I'm not gonna think about it anymore right now. It scares me.

Today was one of the best days I've had since I got home. It didn't start out that great. This morning I didn't want to get up because I was really tired and then at church Matt wasn't there and i was hoping that I would get a chnage to say hi to him. I wasn't in a great mood and people kept on coming up to me and asking me about school which got kinda annoying. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it sometimes gets annoying repeating myself 10 million times. Joe challenged me to an arm wrestleing match, but it didn't happen. I probably would've lost by a lot.

Around 5 I headed to Sarah's graduation party, but I didn't get there until 5:45 because I couldn't find her street. I knew a lot of people from high school who were there and it was great to see them again. We sat around and talked for a while and then watched When Harry Met Sally. It's a great chick flick. After that Bill, Sarah, Marty, Ian, Becki, and I all went to Bill's place to hang out some more. I hadn't seen any of them in at least 6 months. It was like nothing had changed.

Things have definitly changed. Am I the one who's different, are my friends the ones who are different, or are we all just different?

Friday afternoon I met up with Jen and Christy, my two roommates from NYLF and we hung out in downtown. Jen goes to UM and Christy goes to the Naval Academy. I see them maybe once or twice a year, but it's suprising how comfertable I feel with them now compared to a lot of my best friends from high school. Christy and I talked a lot about our lives at the academys and explained stuff to Jen and she gave us a tour of UM's campus. Funny, I've lived there my whole life, but she knew a ton more stuff then I did. She took us to the most beautiful spot on campus, I think. It's right by where the law students live in this courtyard type area. The beauty of it almost made me wish that I went to school there. I had a great time hanging out with them. We went to AMERS for lunch and then to Starbucks for some frappacinos. I got Ez into those while we were in NYC. After that we stopped by Harry's Army Surplus store so that I could check out their Jungle Boots. It really is a fake army store. I was not impressed at all. We then had to hurry back to our cars to put more money in the meters. Mine had run out, but I guess I still had some time left when the meter maid came around because the car in front of me got a ticket but I didn't. It was then that Jen took us to the courtyard and we sat and talked for over an hour. At 6 I had to go because Heidi invited me to a UCO party that evening. It was great spending time with them again. Hopefully Christy and I will meet up just as we did this last year at the Army-Navy football game. Go Army!

The UCO party was interesting. Heidi had her hair cut really short that afternoon and suprised everyone there with it. I didn't know most of the people, but a lot of them knew who I was from stories they'd heard from my family. The grenade throwing one was popular. I'd forgotten about it untill Steph brought it up on Sunday. I guess people here like hearing about me throwing grenades. That was pretty weird. Since I didn't know very many people, maybe one other person besides my sister, I was pretty quiet the whole time. That's what I do to get to know people and what they're like. I also don't know what to say and don't want to sound like a total idiot.

The Michigan West Point Parent's Club picnic was this mornign and so my parents and I attended. It was great to be the person giving the advice instead of getting it. Molly didn't show up, but Chris, Kelly, Greenberg, and other people I knew from my class went. The picnic lasted a lot longer this year and by the end all of us were ready to leave. After the picnic I went to the big soccer tournament that Heidi told me about. Sarah and Hannah were there and so I talked to them a bit. It was nice to see them, but we kinda ran out of things to say after a while. I didn't stick around for the bbq because I felt like I'd just be tagging along behind somebody. I recognized a fair amount of people there, but I didn't really know them. There wasn't the feeling I usually get when I fit in somewhere. The whole thing actually made me miss West Point.

I miss my friends back at school. The people back here know more about me, but I'm becoming more comfertable with my friends at school. I miss Ez, Jaz, Erich, Dan, Beth, Molly, and everyone else. Last night I went out with Jake. We drove around the city and talked about nothing for a few hours. Today I went out to lunch with Frank. It was good, I guess.

My day consisted of getting up around 10:30, going for a run around 11:30 and then going to work out at Dominoe's Farms at 1:30 until 2:40. At 5:00 I met up with Amy and Matt B. and we saw The Sum of All Fears. It was an okay movie. I was bored around 8 and so I ended up calling Jake. It was more of a call to say hi and stave off bordem and it worked for a while. Tomorrow night we're going to hang out. I definitalty don't like him anymore, but he's a cool guy to be friends with. Yesterday Mark called me and we ended up going to Put-Put together for two rounds of mini-golf. I'm suprised how easy the courses seem now. That dosn't change the fact that I still suck at it, however. Becki and I are supposed to hang out tomorrow afternoon and then Erin and I are supposed to do something later in the day. I'm hoping that the times all work out. Frank and I are supposed to go out for lunch on Thursday. I'm looking forward to that, but also somewhat nervous. There are some things that we need to talk about and I'm hoping that Thursday will be the chance for it. On Friday I'm going to an OCF party with Heidi and maybe spend the night there. That reminds me, Mark invited me to a prayer meeting on Wednesday night. Crap. I can't make it. At least my life sounds somewhat busy even though it's not.

What I really hate is when I get start to think about something such as science and come up with all these ideas and explainations and ideas for things, but at the same time realize that I don't know anywhere near enough for my explanation to be plausible or for me to think any deeper on the subject. I'm watching a program on teh Discovery Channel about Super-Massive Black Holes and I began to think about how similar they look to tornados. I know hardly anything about either of those, but I know enough to get my mind working and trying to compare them and figure things out ina totally wrong way. They both spin around some central point and travel on some sort of path. Both have objects spinning around them and nothing in the center. The computerized picture of a black hole looks strikingly smililar to that of a tornado. My idea is that a black hole is very similar to a tornado. The center would be a calm spot just as it is in a tornado. It would then be possible to travel through the center of a black hole. The problem would be getting to that point because just like a tornado, it can not be breached. If only I actually knew something on this subject.

From the barrage of helicopters overhead about 30 minutes ago many people are guessing that President Bush is here already. I personally think that it's a little early for him to arrive here. He has more important things to do that sit around West Point for a day and a half until the graduation ceremony on Saturday. It's probably just some high-ranking staff members arriving. I've seen the Secret Service around this week in their suits and earpieces. They changed Benny's Lounge in Ike Hall into command central for the president. I guess no Cows are getting to use the Cow Club.

The Queen of Jordan was here on Tuesday and attended the new crew boathouse dedication. Of course it was my luck that I was lazy and failed to go to even though I was supposed to be there. My friend Annah was really excited because she got to meet her, talk to her in Arabic, and have a picture taken with her.

Getting up this morning at 4:35 AM was not fun at all. My alarm went off, I hit snooze, and then proceeded to half-dream that drill had been cancelled and that we would get to go back to sleep. No such luck. While I was calling minutes at 4:55 for breakfast all I could think of was that I'm so tired and it seems so early, yet this summer I'll be getting up at the latest only 5 minutes later, if they let us sleep even that late. It was a really depressing thought. I opened my wardrobe this afternoon and realized that this morning I'd been so tired I'd hung up the gym-a shirt that I sleep in. It doesn't belong in the wardrobe and I don't even remember putting it there.

w.bloggar isn't working for me:(

It's way to freakin early for this. Today I had to get up at 0435 for a 0455 breakfast formation because of drill at 0600 today for the graduation parade tomorrow. Yesterday I got up at 0455 out at Camp Buckner for morning PT which consisted of a 4-mile regimental run. Calling cadence for 4-miles is not easy. Right now I just want to go back to sleep, but I don't have enough time. It's gonna be a long morning with drill in half-an-hour and then a parade at 10:30AM.

My parents are leaving today around 8:00AM. They should get here late tonight and want to come to the graduation parade tomorrow morning. I can't wait till everything is over on Saturday afternoon and I can go home. Almost there.

Right now my room is an absolute pit. There's clutter everywhere because I'm packing everything. Only 4 more days and I'll be home for 20 days:)

This past weekend I went to NYC with Amaka and her brother. We stayed at the Plaza hotel, went to see Spiderman and Attack of the Clones, walked through Central Park, went to Times Square a lot, did a lot of shopping but not a lot of buying, and overall just tried to forget about school. It was Fleet Week so there were a ton of Sailors and Marines in the city. One guy tried to get Amaka and I to go to a bar by telling us about the free drinks and all the men in uniform that'd be there. A guy in uniform was the last thing that I wanted to see and I groaned.

Last night I wanted to talk to somebody and so I called Frank. While I'm home I'm hoping to go out with him for coffee or something and talk about everything that's happend. I think I need to get some things out in the open and ask for forgiveness. I'm hoping to break down some barriers that have been put up between us. He was practically my best friend during the first half of high school and then it just went down hill. I talked to Ez about it and told her the whole story starting from when we played catch in 6th grade. I miss him and our friendship.

Happy 21st Birtday Betsy!!!

And the loser is...ME!!!!!
I can't wait to get home, get out of here, have some time alone. Too much crap has happened in the past few days.

The Thayer method: "Open a book, attempt to read and understand it, and then jump of the roof of Thayer Hall because you don't understand any of it." -- Jasmin Smith.
I think that's a very good description.

It's 12:13 and I should be in bed, but I'm still up studying for my chemistry TEE tomorrow. It's my last one. Then I'm off to NYC for the weekend with Amaka and her brother. I can't call her Ez this weekend because that's her last name, at least an abbreviation for it, and it'd get confusing. This weekend should be fun, and the best part is that I don't have any homework or studying to worry about.

I talked to Matt today and he knocked a healthy dose of reality into my skull. I need to stop creating my own imaginary troubles. Friends are wonderful.

My random thought of the day "I have voices in my head that speak another language." I think I just weirded out Jasmin by describing it. See, sometimes when I'm going to bed I stop and listen to what I'm thinking about and I realize that my brain is speaking french, or sometimes Italian or something. But I don't know those languages so it's just a guess. I have no clue what my brain is saying so I just sit back and listen to it. I can't speak it out loud because it's talking to fast and I mispronounce things. Maybe I'm making up the words and it just sounds like french or Italian or whatever to me, but it's still pretty interesting. I know its happend at least twice before. Maybe I really am crazy. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!! :)

Matt's site looks really weird when I use Netscape navigator to look at it, but it looks fine when I use Microsoft Explorer. weird.

Now it is :)

This isn't working!

Last night Dan came over to study history and we made a timeline on my wall. It was a lot of fun to write on the wall. Jumping on the bed was also a lot of fun. I just stood on it and bounce up and down as I wrote. Thankfully no officers or anyone came to check on us because I don't think they would've like to see writing covering the wall. It came off really easily with 409. Studying can be fun.

I grew up in a very charismatic family, Church and community and always took it for granted. When I was 2nd or 3rd grade I received the gift of tongues. It was never weird to me because I grew up surrounded by Spiritual gifts in action. I'd heard that many Lutheran Churches stayed away from them, but I never thought a lot about it. It wasn't until the sermon at Church this past Sunday when I realized that most people don't have any experience with them. To me it's comforting to speech in Tongues, pray over people and be prayed over, and observe the other gifts of the Holy Spirit, but to a lot of people it's weird. I remember when my dad prayed over Steph and later she told me she felt like it was something out of the Exorcist. I didn't know what to say. It's sad, but I had my group of friends whom I could discuss God and Christianity with and then I had those who I didn't because it was uncomfortable. Here I hardly ever talk about my faith with anyone.

I used to want to be a missionary. It was that or a soldier. Now, I'm a soldier. It's possible to be both. I used to talk to my Uncle Jeff about it. He's the one who actually got me thinking about West Point in 8th or 9th grade. My biggest problem is stepping out of my comfort zone. I'd rather stay right where I am, where it's safe and comfortable.

The new boat house is really cool! It's not down yet, but I got a tour of it. I think I'm going to live down there next year and only come back up to go to class and be in bed for taps. I can workout, shower, eat, do laundry, and stay in gym-A in the boathouse. It's perfect.

I got a B+ on my CS TEE. I guess that's okay, but I was one percentage point away from an A-. Tomorrow I find out how I did in english. I think I did okay, but not great. I'm not terribly good at writing. "Terribly good," what an oxymoron.

I haven't talked to him since Sunday, except the email. I saw him both yesterday and today at lunch, but I don't know if he saw me. I don't have time to think about this stuff right now because if I do I'll spend too much time anaylzing everything. It's probably nothing. Guys are so confusing to me.

I'd like to that Jasmin for the misspelling in the last post and Matt for pointing it out. I can't spell worth crap. Good news is that Clark and Chloe are dating. I don't watch enought tv i guess. This week i'm trying to make up for that.

I'm gonna miss central area next year. It's so fun at night. The boxing match was really funny. They used sockem booper things. If I only had a camera.

Don't join the Marines Whitney! Basic training sucks!!! okay okay, it's just a tv show, but... but... but. I'll just be quiet now. My opinion is that Clark and Chloe should get together. I'm all for that kind of thing happening. Some guys go after a certain girl for so long and never realize that the perfect girl is right there in front of them and has been all along. Awe, what a good show. Stupid guy with the binoculars. That peice of a spaceship looks like silicon. Hey, its reminisent of my prom. It was pouring when we got out of the limo. DON'T JOIN THE MARINES WHITNEY! Guys in civies look so much better. Awe, it's so nice when a guy tells a girl she looks beautiful. Jasmin is in the background saying "Whitney's going to die, Whitney's going to die." He's gonna get a major haircut. I should be studying, but this is too much fun. Do dances still have live bands? Hight school's never did. Awe,Clark asked Chloe to dance. That sky looks cool, I love storms, but flying mailboxes are not cool. It's like TWISTER the movie. 3 of them. wow. I agree with Jasmin, getting back in the car is not a good idea. A commercial right now is even worse of an idea. Come on, get back to the show. It's the season finale:( Hey, it's a rowing commercial, but not my kind of rowing. I don't like Ford very much. Never have. Yay! show's back. Famous last words "he'll be fine." The spaceship is glowing. weird. even weirder now. That's a lot of balloons on the floor. Cool. Awe. Clark and Chloe so cute together. Come on, kiss. NOOOOOO!!! STUPID TORNADO WARNING. He vanished. Yes Lex, the spaceship piece is gone. That's not a nice dad. darn. he's trapped. boo hoo. Lex should help him though. It's the right thing to do. That's a scary look in his eyes. Now it's one big tornado. bye bye farm house. Get out of the car Lana. Go Clark go! WHAT!!!!!!! THEY CAN'T END IT THAT WAY! THAT'S NOT FAIR. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Good music. Now back to studying.

20 used to seem so old, but now most of my friends are over 20. Thankfully I still have 1.5 years to go before I get there. I can't belive it. I remeber when my babysitter seemed like a grown-up to me, and she was probably only 12. Age here doesn't really matter. It's so screwed up. Some plebes are 24 or 25 while some firsties are only 21. When you're 27, like the First Captain, you're ancient and people joke about you needing a walker and depends. For some reason I just forget about the age of people in my classes and my friends and assume that they're all my age, but in reality some of them have a good 4 or 5 years on me. It's not a big deal, it's just kinda weird when I stop and think about it. I don't really have friends that age back home because they seem much older than me, but here I have a lot who are Heidi and Betsy's age. Weird.

Woohoo! Erich wrote back. It was a rather short message, basically just said trust God and good luck on TEE's. Now, back to life.

Matt rules.

I wonder if my parents really are getting Betsy a car for her birthday? I hope they do. My whole family is trying to get me to get Betsy a date for the dance. They keep mentioning it. I'm bad enough with guys by myself, but trying to find one for my sister as well. You may as well just send me to the nunnery right now. At least I have a few months left to avoid the topic.

When the aliens come, they'll eat the fat ones first...SO GO WORKOUT, FOR YOUR OWN SAKE!!!! -Adam
These words from the guy who I sometimes do laundry for. It's a crew thing.

Guys here are so refined. West Point has trained them well. Their language skills are off the charts and so they find it necassary to show the world their talent. They do this by yelling "dick" and "cock-sucker" out the window.

The boxing match in central area last night a few minutes before taps was fun to watch. Jasmin and I heard people yelling out their windows and thought it was someone doing the naked man and so we ran over to Ez's room. It's fun to watch the Officers and cadets on guard chase them. Last semster during TEE week there were 4 or 5 people who did it at the same time. Last year CPL Queen did it, but got caught. He ended up with 107 hours and 30-60 days of room restriction. He's now a century man. Something I hope to never be.

TEE week rules, except for the actual TEE part. There's one 3.5 hour test in the mornign from 7:35-11:05 and the rest of the day is free -- no formations or anything. After my CS TEE today which I finished at 9:45, I came back to my room downloaded MP3 Voyeur and searched for music and any cool movies on the network. I found a few recent releases, but not very many. Then I went to lunch, took a nap until 3pm, and then watched HeartBreakers. Midway through I stopped the movie and went on a jog to Trophy Point. The view is very magnificant. I sat by the Battle Monument and stared at the moutainous hills (thanks Jaz) framing the Hudson River far below. I love this place.

Yesterday Erich emailed me and asked me to go to breakfast, but I guess he didn't get my reply so it didn't happen. I sent him an email late last night. I don't really remember exactly waht it said and I don't think I want to find out either. I didn't tell him I like him, but I bet it was almost that bad. Now I'm laying low. If it's over it's over and was never meant to be. I have other things to spend my time thinking about.

12 days left and counting. Time flies by. Last year at this time the count down to R-day was going on. I'm so glad I'm not a new cadet this year. They're making Beast a living hell once again. My class got off so easy. I just hope we don't become known as "2005, too weak to survive."

I guess that if I find Betsy a date for the Camp Illumination dance at Buckner than she'll come up with my parents. I have no idea how I would go about doing that. I can just see myself going up to some guy and saying "Hi, want to take my sister to a dance?" Shoot me now. I don't want to subject Betsy to the guys here. There are a some nice ones, but they are few and far between, and also usually already taken. I seriously doubt that I'll do anything with this. It's just too weird. I don't even know if I'll have a date. It's too far in the future to think about.

Yesterday was the the company pig roast. On the way down the pig roast I laughed at how so many of my friends from back home would love to be in my shoes right now. So many jacked guys down at the river courts with out shirts on. All the new people from my class coming to the company next year were invited. Erich's really good friend, Patrick, was there. Even though I've met him twice, I wasn't sure if it was him because I'm really bad with names and faces. The pig roast was fun. I started out hanging out with Jaz and Ez, then I played frisbee with Meloy, Scheid, and Miller. After that I played catch with Hinchman, Sherk, and Mickie. I think the guys in my company were suprised at how hard I could throw. After that Soler asked me to play two-hand touch footabll with them and so I joined the plebe team along with Jasmin. She left about half way through the game and so I the only girl playing. It was shirts and skins, the other side being skins of course. I managed to score one touch down for my team. Who knows if we won or lost in the end.

I HAVE A 'C' IN ENGLISH!!!! Not a great grade by any means, but it's better than what I feared it'd be. Gotta love it. Now, on to the pig roast. The pig is in the orderly room under a table in a box. It's dead and gross.

Last day of classes :)

He who dwells in the shelter
of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of
the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord,"He is
my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare
and from the deadly
pestilence.
He will cover you with his
feathers,
and under his wings you will
find refuge;
his faithfullness will be your
shield and rampart.
You will not fear the terror of
night;
nor the arrow that flies by
day,
nor the pestilance that stalks in
the darkness,
nor the plague that destroys
at miday.
A thousand may fall at your
side,
ten thousand at your right
hand,
but it will not come near
you.
You will only observe with your
eys
and see the punishment of
the wicked.
If you make the Most High
your dwelling -
eve the Lord who is my
refuge-
then no harm will befall you,
no disaster will come near
your tent.
For he will command his
angels concerning you
to guard you in all your
ways;
they will life you up in their
hands,
so that you will not strike
your foot against a
stone.
You will tread upon the lion
and the cobra;
you will trample the great
lion and serpent.
"Because he loves me," says
the Lord, "I will rescue
him;
I will protect him, for he
acknowledges my name.
He will call upon me, and I will
answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor
him.
With long life will I satisfy
him
and show him my salvation.
-Psalm 91 NIV

Psalm 91 is my favorite Psalm for a number of reasons. It was the first one I remember reading. Besty pointed it out to me when I was in elementry school and I loved it from the start. Reading it gave me a feeling of protection and comfort. It's also the Psalm I read to my Grandma a few hours before she died. That was one of the moments in my life that I'll cherish forever.

It was the summer going into my senior year of high school and I was going on a 2.5 week mission trip to Trinidad with the Word of God. Betsy went on the trip two years before and had a blast and so I was looking forward to going. A few months before I left my Grandma was diagnosed with cancer again, but this time we all knew that this was the last time. A few weeks before I left we got word that she probably only had a few months left to live. The news was hard to take, but I figured I'd be back in plenty of time to spend time with her and say goodbye. The Sunday I left I broke down crying in Church. There was a fear that something would happen and I would be in Trinidad when she died. She was declineing, but very slowly and so there shouldn't have been any reason to worry. When I got there I called home a few times to check up on how things were going. Then everything changed. My dad sent me a fax and told me that I should write a letter with last words to her. That was a very hard letter to write. I still have a copy of it at home. It tells her how much I love her and some other things. A few days after I faxed my letter to her word came that she had stablaized a bit and it looked like I'd make it home in time. It stayed that way for the remainder of my time in Trinidad. On the flight home there was a 6 hour lay-over at the airport in Miami. For some reason I had a really strong urge to call my parents. I got off the plane in Miami and looked for a phone. There were many around, but for some reason none of them would accept my calling card or any of my friend's calling cards. I spent hours looking for a way to call home while my anxiety hightned. I really needed to make that call for some reason. Finally, after about 4 or 5 hours I somehow managed to get ahold of a calling card and called my mom. It was then I found out that my Grandma's condition had taken a sharp decline and she didn't have very long, only a few hours. My parents told me that they had been trying to get me on an earlier flight home that day, but there weren't any avaliable. I still get choked up when I remember them telling me. To make matters even worse, right after I got off the phone it was anounced that our plane was delayed for another 2-4 hours. I had a feeling of utter hoplessness and grief. All I wanted to do was get home as soon as possible. When we eventually got in the air the flight seemed to take forever. I had a strong desire to give my Mom a huge hug all throughout the flight home. We reached Detroit and I was hurried of the plane and to my Parents and sisters who were at the gate waiting for me. We hurried to the car and I learned that she was still alive but in a coma at my Uncles house. A little after midnight we arrived there. I was let into the bedroom to see her. She looked so different, so frail, so small, and I started crying once again. They left me alone so that I could talk to her and my Mom handed me a Bible and suggested that I read a Psalm because she liked to hear them. It was then that I read Psalm 91 to her. I was very choked up and it was hard to read, but I'll never forget that moment. It's so special to me. I also was able to tell her that I loved her. The plan was for me to come back the next day and see her again, but my mom came into my room the next morning and told me that she had passed away that night. My family says that she was waiting for me to come home. That means the world to me. Grandma, I love you.

My legs are sore for once! I guess I did get a pretty good workout from swimming intervals last night. The best part is that it was fun. Too bad they're draining the pool for repairs on Saturday. I won't be able to go swimming again untill I'm home.

I wonder what it'll be like to be home for 3 weeks. I plan on working out a lot because of Buckner and Crew. I'll miss talking to and seeing Erich and all the rest of my friends here. It'll be nice to see the people back home.

Yesterday I was talking to Ez about guys as we walked to the pool. The guy I like (see name above) is so athletic and stuff and I'm no where near that. I can hold my own in most stuff, but it's not like I'm awesome at it. What if, supposing that there's a chance he likes me (who knows about that) he expects me to be awesome at everything also, and then I go and I'm not. I guess the obvious answer then is that he's not the right guy for me and I'm not the right girl for home. Sometimes I'm blind to the obvious answer untill I write it down. Now I feel better and need to get to class.

West Point is not a free education by any means. It's "$250,000 pulled out of our asses 1 cent at a time = 1 penny every 5 seconds for four years."

Some people see me as quiet, i see myself as a deep thinker. Some people think that I am really conservative, i understand that I think my choices through very carefully and decide for myself what is best. Some people think that I don't have interpersonal skills, I know that I just need a little more time to become comfertable and trust people. Some girls like guys because they are hot, I truely only care what is on the inside. Some people think that I will always be the way I am; I know that I am still growing and changing. Give me a chance and I may suprise you.

I went over to LT COL. Surdu's house for dinner tonight along with the other plebes that he and his wife sponsor. After dinner we discussed military life, our majors, and weapons systems. During the course of the discussion of weapons systems he mentioned that China was probably the next country the US would be at war with. The chinese are already starting to obtain nuclear submarines or something from the Russians. COL Surdu said that they will probably use these to attack US carriers. I asked him when he thought this might happen and he said in 10 or 12 years. As Molly then pointed out to me, that's the time when my classmates and I will be beginning to really take command in the army in a more prominent way. We have a very interesting future ahead of us. Who knows what'll happen.

I wonder if there are camera's in my room or in classrooms here. How much do they moniter, and who is the "they"? West Point trains and educates the future leaders of the Army and many of the leaders in the civilian world. I know they monitor our computers and stuff, but what else do they do? What don't I know about? How much do they know about me? I don't think I have anything to hide. That's one of the reasons I play it really safe all the time. Later on it won't be there to use against me if the need ever arises. I also hate getting in trouble.

Sharing is usually a good thing, but did Jasmin really have to share her headache? I got one at lunch and it lasted untill about 9:30. Headaches suck. Rain sucks too. It rained all day here. I was soaked at crew practice because all we did was stand outside and rig boats. I must say I love gortex. It kept the upper half of my body nice and dry.

18 more days. Only 18. I'm scared that I'll suddenly fail a class and have to stay for STAP. I don't want to have to go to summer school. I want to go home. 18 days = 432 hours = 25,920 min = 1,555,200 sec. I can make it.

Gotta love grey, rainy, cold weather. The nice view of the mess hall granite side doesn't help to cheer this room up. Maybe that's why they painted the far wall bright yellow. They're trying to trick us into thinking that this is a cheery place by hopeing I'll walk into my room and say "oh look at that bright yellow wall. That makes me so happy. I love this place" while I ignore the grey wall outside my window staring me straight in the face. It's not working.

I love Philly! It's now on my places I want to live when I'm older. Also on that list is Texas, Michigan, and New York.

Nationals was fun. My boat got 2nd in our heat and then 4th in the semi-finals. We rowed a 7:20-something friday afternoon and a 7:02 Saturday morning. That's a huge difference. Next year I hope we make it to the finals. What's cool is that now I'm on Varsity:) Yay!

Erich and I were supposed to go for a walk Saturday night after I got back, but I got back late and he had gone to see a movie with one of his friends because he didnt' know where I was. That's what I figured had happend, but since I was dissaponted about losing, exhausted, and sunburnt, I was in a really bad mood. Ez can attest to that. What I needed to do was sleep, but I didn't want to. Eventually I did around midnight and I was out.

This morning I went over to Erich's room to see him because he wasn't going to Church because of his allergy's. I wanted to go to Church, but I was in no shape to and I wanted to talk to him. It was nice to just sit and talk to him for a while.

Happy Mother's day!

YAY!! I got my cell phone last night along with a bunch of homemade food from my mom. I love packages from home and so do my friends. I took some funny pictures of Jaz and Ez eating the cookies.

Erich also IM'd me and we talked for over an hour last night:) That was great.

Holy Crap!!! I think I've been away from home for to long. Michigan is seeming less and less to be my home. Augh! On that note, I love New York for the most part. The hills/mountains around here are so magnificant. The drive to and from the regatta last weekend was awesome. I just stared out the window in awe. The race course had a beautiful setting. I love the outdoorss as long as I'm not doing military training in it.

I just had a near death experiance...in my mind. There was a math quiz last friday that my P said we could use our homework to help us out with it and luckily I had just done it the hour before. When I turned in the quiz I also turned in the homework just so that he would know that I hadn't cheated and been using something else. Today I got the quiz back had gotten a 93/100 on it which I was happy about. Then he came back with the homework that I had done and asked where the rest of it was. I was confused by that and said that was all that I had done. I'd only done 4 problems out of the assignment, but I thought he had said that we could use any of the stuff we had done, not that we could only use it if we had done all of it. He told me to see him after class. During class I was pretty nervous and tried to figure out what I had done wrong and how to correct it. I decided that a 10-15 point cut be fair on the quiz if I actually had missunderstood his directions. After class he came over and told me that he would have to write a note to my TAC because I had failed to meet the requirements. That got my heart racing. A note to my TAC over a small missunderstanding on a quiz? I'd face an Article-10 and hours from now untill the end of the school year. I asked him what the requirements were, just so that I could get it clear in my mind what I had actually done wrong before I faced the wrath of my TAC. Thankfully, my asking my P what the requirements were made him recheck the assignement and realize that he was thinking I had totally blown off a whole other assignment. The other assignement was for the people who had failed the FSE and had to do a ton of work or else eit be kicked out of here. I hadn't failed it and so I didn't have to do it. When my P realized his mistake he apologized and then said that he would still write a note to my TAC, but this one would be a good one about how I did my homework (very rare for people in that class). I just kinda stood there very very very relieved as the news sunk in that I wasn't in trouble and had actually done something good. I don't think my doing homework justifies a note to my TAC, but any good word put in on my behalf from a P is helpfull.

This weekend my boat got 4th place in the finals at New York States. Over all Army got 3rd place. I really wanted to get at least 3rd place in the race. We almost had it at the end. 15 more strokes would have done it, but it wasn't there. I didn't understand why I was so upset about it untill Beth was talking to me about it. I tried my best, but my best wasn't good enough. At West Point we're told a million times that we're the best of the best. It's hammered into our heads day after day. I never thought that I bought into it, but when Beth said that my best wasn't good enough, that got to me. Maybe I do except to be the best of the best all the time. I know that I'm not, but perhaps my mind believes that I'm supposed to be the best.

What adds to my unhappiness is my belief that my parents expect me to be the best, and then when I'm it's not good enough for them. I called home last weekend to tell them that we got first place and they were really excited about it, as was I. Then my dad asked me what Ivy League schools we had raced and there were'nt any there. In my mind that cheapend my victory. The truth is that we probably would not have beaten them if they were there. They recruit the best rowers in the nation, and on my team only 3 of us, myself included, have rowed before this year. I called home today to tell them about this race and when I said that we got 4th they were just like "oh, that's nice." Even yesterday when I called home to say that we got 2nd in our heat i felt like that wasn't good enough for them. They don't know how much we've improved and how impressive it is for a school that doens't recruit and faces the daily scheduale that we do to do that well. Last fall I didn't have the heart to tell them that I wasn't the stroke of the boat by the end of the season. I felt like that was their pride and joy of my doing crew beacause I was the leader of the boat. Luckily, I'm back in that spot this spring. They've been asking me when I call home to tell them how we did if I was the stroke. What happens if I say that I'm not? Does that cheapen how well I did in their eyes?

I think I'm just tired right now and need to rest. Once I do that life will be better. It usually works that way. I overreact when I'm tired. Need to work on that.

My A- in CS went down to a B+ because of the B on the IT project. Now I only have one A- and the rest are all B's. Last semester I was 296 in the class. This semester I think I'm gonna be lower. My friends on the crew team are all smart and have better grades then me. Molly is #1 academically in the class, Ann is #13, and a lot of people are high up there. I bet Wildermuth will be the first captain when we're firsties. He's prior service, on the jump team, #1 militarly and #8 academically. Jasmin said that she heard that over 100 girls have left from our class. That only leave about 80 of us. Kinda scary if thats true. 80 girls and 1000 guys.

This summer (by that I mean the 3 weeks I'm home) I want to go camping, kyaking, see my friends a lot, go to Isaac's T-ball game, sleep, eat, see my friends, relax, work out at domino's farms, go to Ceder Point, bike, swim, drive a car, see my friends, stay up late, sleep in late, watch movies, see friends. HAVE FUN!!!!

I really don't feel like doing homework right now. I have a history paper, english paper, and CS project due next week. I leave tomorrow and don't get back until Sunday night, and then I leave again Thursday and don't get back until Sunday night again. I'm screwed.

I haven't seen Erich all week:( I've talked to him a bit on IM, but it's been a Thayer week for him and so homework has gotten in the way. He wanted to introduce me to his dad this weekend, but I'm gonna be gone:(

I've noticed that I haven't really talked to Matt recently:( I miss him. I just thought of something horrible. What if we're growing apart. Time and distance do that to people. NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I don't want that to happen. The majority of our conversations now consist of saying hi, what were're doing at the moment, and maybe a few other words.

That reminds me. I should call or email Frank sometime. I feel bad that I never get around to talking to him. I think he gave up on emailing me because I took so long to respond.

I'm going home in less than a month:) It's so nice to know that I don't have to go through R-day and being a new cadet this summer. I think I've changed in the past 10 months. I've at least learned how to speak in a language that almost no one back home understands. I use Military/ West Point terms at home and don't even realize that no one understands me:

R&T, SAMI, AMI, PMI, WPR, WRIT, CCQ, CQC, CoC, ESP, yuk, cow, firstie, ADA, AOG, boodle, smack, brass, minutes, hours, CIC, ACIC, rack, smoked, TEE, trou, OC, civvies, CGR, tool, TED, BCG, ODIA, DMI, DPE, FCDT, green girl, corps squad, TL, SL, PSG, CO, XO, knowledge, orderlies, laundry, RTO, sound off, pop off, donkey dick, MRE, web ct, in-ranks, parade, 1-4 class, beast, CTLT, CPRC, MIAD, PIAD, AI, reorgy week, and lots more, but I'm so used to useing them that I don't think they're weird.

Recently I've noticed that my weird, random side isn't as profound anymore. Maybe I just don't have the time or energy. I have a larger ego, i know that. That's both a good and a bad thing. Good because it gives me more confidence, which I need, but bad because big egos tend to be bad.

Last weekend I thought about marriage a lot. There's a good possibility that I could engaged in 3 years. Right now I still think it's a little early to start getting serious because of time and other reposibilities, but that's not far off. I am looking for somethign more in a relationship right now though. It makes the whole thing with Erich very confusing for me.

I''m now the proud owner of a Koday EasyShare DX3900 Zoom with the Camera Dock. Good stuff.

YAY!!!! Thunderstorms are awesome. It started raining right before practice and ended right after practice, and now there's a thunderstorm. Margret called it West Point's way of hazing us. Drill was canceled today because of the drizzel. What sucks for them is that they'll have to drill on Friday because of the parade on Sunday. Gotta love crew with drill and parade autho's :)

I love the Simpsons!!!!!

I think I might be getting sick. My neck hurts and I was freezing in chemistry. It could be that I just slept on my neck wrong and they do keep Bartlett hall freezing so that we stay awake (HAH!). I now understand why eveyone hates organic chemistry. In fact, I hate it too. I don't understand the oxidization of hydrocarbons or how to draw the structure for 1,1,1-trichloro-cis-2-butene, let alone how to name it if I saw the structure, but I'm sure that it'll be helpfull when I'm taken prisoner by the enemy forces. I can just pull out a pad of paper and say "here, let me name an organic compound for you and make a pretty stucture to go along with it." I think I just failed the quiz. Oh well, on with life.

ONLY 1 MONTH LEFT!!!!!!!!! Then 3 weeks of vacation. After that back to Camp Buckner I go. At least now on crew regatta's I look forward to getting back to West Point instead of the awfull dread I felt at the beginning of the year. Amazing how things change.

Wow! I'm so tired right now. The Patriot League Regatta was today in Mass. My boat, the novice A boat, blew the other teams out of the water. We won by a good 9 sec. Coach Hall was happy. He still is the antichrist, but at least all the work pays off. He's a good man. On May 1 he's being promoted to Major. I hope to be there to congradulate him with the rest of my team.

When I learned about Jon's condition on friday it really made me sad. I had a hard time dealing with it and needed someone to talk to. I ended up IM'ing Erich and asked if I could talk to him. We met at Grant,he bought me some ice cream and we talked about it. He helped me a lot and I felt better after talking to him. It's just so sad. Stuff like that's not supposed to happen.

I need sleep. Races wear me out, and I only had one today. At Dade Vails I'm gonna be dead after 3 races in two days. It'll be fun though.

Erich stopped by tonight:):) The only bad part is that now I can't concentrate because I'm happy and hyper. When I do finally sit down at my desk I find myself blanky staring at something with a smile on my face.

I found out that I'll be in C4 next year. That's the 6th floor of Mac Long. The good news is that both Erich and Ez are going to B4 which is the floor below me. The female bathroom is also located on the 5th floor in the B4 area. I'm gonna visit Ez a lot. It's funny because the guy she kinda likes is going to C4 while Erich is going to B4. GO COWBOYS! FIRED UP C4! YEEHAW! YOU KNOW IT. That's what the plebes in C4 have to yell everytime they get up from the table after a meal. It's gonna get really annoying. At least I get a cowboy hat.

Erich came by this afternoon, but I was asleep. Why did I have to take that 30 min nap then?

I am about to yell at someone!!!!!!! This is not good.

From some reason I suddenly missed my loft bed from home and so I searched online to see some. I found this awesome site that has tons of beds I would've loved to have when I was a little kid. I always wanted a tent bed, but my parents wouldn't let me get one. I also wanted a bed that was shaped like a car because I really believed that you could drive them. I imagined driveing all over the house with it. I had a big imagination when I was little. You should've seen what I wanted my tree house to look like. It had mutliple floors, plus a basement, garage, pool, bathroom, and tons of other stuff. The funny part was that I actually believed that I could get all of that in a tree house. The tree house I ended up with was very very simple, but to me, it became a fort, house, castle, ect... I love that thing.

I IM'd Erich this morning to see if he was going to Church and he said that he was, but was going to brunch first and asked me if I wanted to go with him. I said yes, so he came by my room to get me, then we went to church together, and walked back together. Me = happy.

Today I have to write a history paper and study for the Chem WPR tomorrow. Fun stuff. It's gonna be a long day.

Today we raced UConn here at West Point. I was really looking forward to this race because Erich, Jasmin, Ez, and Adam all said that they were coming. Unfortunatly it started raining around 2. Jasmin came down, but left when it started raining and so she didnt' get to see me race. The others never came down. My boat beat UConn by .87 seconds. I was really looking forward to seeing my friends after the race, and during the race all I could think about was how they were waiting at the finish line. When I finally went to go see them, I realized no one was there. I understand why they didn't come, it was raining, and I probably wouldn't have come if I were in there position, but I was still really sad. It reminded me of high school. I would invite my friends to my softball games, or to my crew regatta's that were at home. Mr Hart came to one of my softball games once and taped part of it and there was one time that Dan, Matt, and Mr. Hart came to a crew regatta. That was great. I loved seeing them there and it ment a ton to me, but after that, I can't think of another time that they came to see me do anything. I always tried to go to my friends plays and stuff when they told me about them, because I cared about what they did, but I don't remember them coming to see me when I invited them. Sometimes I would imagine that Jake, or Matt, or Beth or someone was there watching my games and I just hadn't seen them yet, because it helped me play better. I'd get all excited about the game because I had told someone about the game, other then my family, and they said they might comeand I'd keep looking up into the stands hopeing to see them, but they wouldn't be there and I'd realize that they weren't coming. I guess I should just be happy that my family came. There were some girls that didn't have that. I just wish my friends would have come.

Last night was the Thayer Award banquet. This year the award was given to Senator Daniel K. Inouye from Hawaii. I thankfully got to miss the parade because of crew practice. They were in the middle of the Pass and Review when I got back from crew. That must have sucked in this heat. At the dinner GEN. Kauffman shook my hand and asked me how the Dean was treating me. I wanted to say that the Dean is screwing me over this week, but since he's a General and the Dean, I just kinda smiled. There was a 3 star general right next to him who smiled and said hi to me, but I didn't catch his name. Ez and I ended up being floated to tables of guests so that they could have some cadets to talk to. I was at a table with a few old grad's, another man who I guess is important in the city he lives in, and a COL. I totally screwed up table duties and such, but oh well, that's life. While Senator Inouye was giving his speach the camera paused on Yi, who was sitting right up front. She choose the wrong time to fall asleep, because right as the camera stopped on her she closed her eye's and was out. It was displayed over the screens throughout the mess hall, so the corps of cadets, old grad's, some generals, plus a number of congressmen, saw that she was asleep. Lets just say that life's not so great for her right now.

Erich came over after dinner to help me out with CS. He stayed for about and hour and we hung out and he helped me before he had to go do history. It was a great time. I wish he'd come over more.

Alex came over about 10 min after Erich left. Whenever he's over all the football players come over. It wasn't very conducive to doing homework, but we did get a lot accomplished. He stayed till right before Tattoo and after that we used the phone, IM, and ton's of emails to work together to try and get the stupid CS project done. Both of us were up untill 3. The presentation today went, well, it went. I'll be really happy if I get a C on this project. My grades are really slipping this week:(

Okay, blogger is acting up and won't display my page. WTF?

The rain in Spain falls mainly in the plain. If the king falls down in his airliner, then, the reign in Spain falls mainly in the plane. Thanks Jake:)

Today it was a very stressfull day. I think I failed my english paper that I finished 5 minutes before class started.

It got up to 92 degrees here today! Of course, it had to peak during crew practice. I've added my coach to the list of people here who are the antichrist. So far it's my CS teacher, the DPE teachers, and him. He makes us work really hard, which is good, but it's still hard. I wish that someone would tell me if I row well or not. Jasmin says that the people on the crew team she talks to say that I'm one of the best rowers, but a lot of the time I convince myself that I'm one of the worst. Today I got really stressed during practice because of today, and I also thought I was rowing poorly. I had a hard time breathing and had to focus on getting air in. I wanted to stop rowing and cry, but I couldn't, wouldn't, and didn't. The team needs me to be strong, so I try.

Erich saw me row today:) He was down at the river courts sitting at a picnic table with no shirt on doing homework. It was weird because even thought I only saw the back of him from a distance- I somehow knew it was him. He confirmed that it was him later tonight on IM. Strange, very strange.

Open door AMI sucks. My room is right by the stairs, so everyone going up or down the stairs of course has to look in and stare. It's funny when there are guys over and the door is open because all the CPL's stop and look in or else walk really slowly past while staring in the room. It gets pretty annoying.

Yesterday at crew practice we almost rowed to the Bear Mountain Bridge, which is a few miles down stream. It was great, I couldn't see one bit of West Point from were we were. Ahhh. Freedom.

Erich came over last night to help me out with CS. He explained the project to me and gave me some tips. It helped a little. After that he stayed at we talked for a little while just about random things. It was fun. He said he'll try and be at the regatta on Saturday (I can't believe he actually used the correct word!), but he might have to drive some drunk firsties back from Garrison. He had to leave to go do Pull-ups with a yuk in his company. Ez stopped by right after he got here so that she could see who he was. She didn't stay long, but came back after he'd left. Jasmin came back from dance class in civies and met him also. Erich mentioned that he wanted to do the dance class, but sadly, there are no more sessions this year:(

Alex came over about an hour later so we could work on the project. Not much was accomplished, but he said he's going to call his brother who does stuff with computer networking and hopefully get some stuff from him. Jasmin thinks he's kinda hot.

My parents are getting me a cell phone:) It was supposed to be a suprise, but I kinda ruined that one by asking them what they thought of me getting one. I should be getting it sometime soon:)

Supposedly, next year this place will have a wireless network. It might be the year after that though. The plebes next year are getting labtops and yesterday there was a guy in Thayer trying to sell them to us. If I do get one, I think I'll wait to get it untill I'm a cow or a firstie. By then they should be better and I can see if they're actually worth it. It would be nice to have one at Buckner this summer. It'll be like Beast all over again with no computer for 6 weeks, but I will have a phone:)

Yesterday Alex was supposed to come over at 9 so we could start working on the CS project. He called around 11 to apologize because he forgot. Since neither of us know what to do, I don't think much would have been accomplished if he had come over anyway. He asked if he could come over tonight, but since Erich is coming over to help me, I said I'd email him. Erich IM'd me right before lunch reminding me to remind him to come over. I thought that was funny.

I'm really tired right now. I almost fell asleep during the class after lunch. Learning about different weapons was not what I was in the mood for. Oh well.

I really did fail the math quiz. My teacher counted a 55/100, but when I went back and recounted I came up with a 68/100. Hopefully the extra points will help me a little. I really want to keep my A- in that class. Right now I also have an A- in CS and an A in swimming. I need an A in swimming in order to offset my C- in gymnastics. Grades suck. Why have them?

Erich's supposed to come over around 8 tonight to help me with my CS project:)

w.bloggar rocks! Thanks Matt.

Erich wasn't in Church this morning and so I was pretty sad. Sunday's are when I get to see him the most. We sit together and then walk back together. Then he wasn't responding on IM. That and the stress of the next week or so really got to me and I wanted to cry. Stupid reasons to get upset, but I think there was other things involved too. I wanted to talk to someone, but couldn't figure out who. I talked to Jake on IM and he tried to cheer me up with a knock knock joke, but it didn't help. I ended up calling Matt which turned out to be really helpful. He talked me through what was wrong and made me realize that things really weren't that bad and I had a lot of good stuff going on. He really cheered me up :)

I talked to Erich this afternoon on IM. It turns out that he got up at 9, felt dizzy and nausea and so he went back to bed- which was a really good idea. I hope he feels better soon. I whish I could bring him something. Anyway, I mentioned to him that I have a regatta here next Saturday. He told me to remind him on Friday so that he can come and watch it :)

I guess SAMI didn't go so well for my company. We're in open door AMI untill Wednesday. It shoudln't be too bad. Usually, if my room even gets checked, it's just by the person on CCQ. I think the key to making the room look clean is to have a really good floor. I sweep it, swiffer it, and then mop it every day. It's really shiny and Jasmin and I get lots of complements on it.

This weekend at the Knecht Cup my boat got 6th outta 24. It's amazing how much we've improved in the past few weeks. I'm really happy that I got to sit in the seat I wanted. I hope I stay there. Hopefully, if I continue to improve like I am, I'll have a really good shot at varsity next year. We'll see.

Screw it. I give up. You know what, I'm not perfect. I'm not extremely smart, or an awesome athlete. I'm not artistic, and don't have a beautiful voice. I'd rather play football and rough house rather than flirting with a lot of guys and hanging on them. I do like to dress up and look nice sometimes, but I'm no where near the prettiest person in the world. I'm not skinny, an extrovert, or good at talking to guys. I say and do the wrong things, am to tom boyish, but not good at it either, and am very quiet. I guess I'm all wrong, but that's who I am. If guys don't like it, it's not my problem, because I am who I am.

I'm sick of this roller coaster ride of "does he like me, he likes me, he doesn't like me..." I've been through it so many times with so many different guys. I start out likeing some guy in the early spring and like him more and more as spring progresses. Then in the fall something happens like us going out or something. It ends up that he doesn't like me or something and the whole" lets just be friends" crap. I move on, still hurt and also likeing him untill spring rolls around and I meet a new guy. It's been this way since 8th grade. I thought I'd escaped it this year, but now looking at it, Erich fits right into the timing. I don't want it to happen again. Right now guys suck!

Augh!!!!!

My english recitation today royally sucked. I had to go last, which I hate, and then my mind blanked right before I went. I ended up skipping a whole line. Perhaps next time I shouldn't wait untill the day of the recitation to start memorizing the passage. I did have it down cold before hand though.

The best part of my day happend when I was leaving english class. I saw Erich walking down the stairs and we ended up walking back to Thayer Walk together. He told me about boxing and how today he got a B+ in his bout. When we parted to go back to out barracks (he lives in Lee and I live in Bradley) I said "See ya" and he said "See ya online" and did the little finger point. Little things like that make me happy. Sadly, I didn't get a chance to talk to him on IM tonight because I had to do homework. I'm really glad that I'll be here for Church on Sunday :)

Well searching for some paper for my printer just now I came across some pictures from PPW. I can't belive that was 6 months ago already. This year really has gone by fast. It's amazing how things change. I think I've learned and grown a lot in the past year. I still have a long ways to go, but I've changed a lot. I don't know if other people can tell, but I can sometimes notice it in myself.

Silly me, the paper wasn't in my desk, it was under it.

Sometimes I feel like I'll wake up and this will all have been a dream. If that were the case, and I was still back in high school, I don't know if I would want to come here, just because my experiences in the dream. I've survived because I live day to day and have learned not to focus on the future or the past, but instead focus on the present. If I knew exactly what I was getting into it'd be overwhelming. Don't get me wrong, I love it here and never want to leave, but I also don't want to go through somethings again because once is enough for me.

Right after I got promoted I had to keep reminding myself that it was for real and nobody was about to suddenly take it away from me. Sure, I can mess up and be demoted, but that too would be different then it was before. Nobody can take away from me the experience that I've had here. I've made it this far, with the help of God, my family, and friends, and nobody can take that away. I made it to West Point, through Beast, and most of the academic year.

Terroists attacked West Point yesterday and today. The FBI and SRT teams came in to deal with the crisis. MP's were all over the place and helicopters flew overhead. It was just a drill though.

Yesterday Dan came over to study for the history writ we were supposed to have today-but today it got moved to Friday. Anyway, our talking about life in gerneral was occasionally interupted by a small fact related to history. He's a fun guy to hang out with. Oh, and Jasmin was wrong. He does have a girlfriend.

Last night I was IM'ing Jake and he told me that he had a son. I of course thought that he was joking, but he was serious about it for over 1/2 hour, which never happens. I ended up asking him if he was joking, and he said no. I still had a little doubt, but he almost had me convinced. Soon after he said he was a jerk and it was all a joke.

I also talked to Erich last night on IM. In the middle of our conversation the whole corps was kicked off IM, but I didn't know that at first and thought it was just my computer and felt bad. I figured it out after talking to Jasmin and Ez. I ended up calling him to say that I was sorry that my computer kicked me off, even though I was pretty sure by then that it had happend to everyone. I just wanted an excuse to call him. We didnt' talk long, which was what I wanted because I had a lot of work to do. I must say, he has a nice voice.

There's a SAMI on Saturday, but since both Jasmin and I are leaving on Friday and won't be here, we don't have to do it :)

I got up at 5:20 this morning because Leah and I were supposed to meet at Grant turn around at 5:30 and go for a run. I got out there and realized that she wasn't there. I went to her room and nobody answered so I went in and found her fast asleep. Since she was up late studying for a WPR that she had today, I didn't wake her up. I also wanted to go back to bed and sleep:) Too bad the extra sleep didn't really help me out. I was brain dead during the chem lab. Pittman had to do most of the work because I kept on making stupid mistakes. I think he understood though.

The dread of having to take the APFT is gone because I'm done with it:) Although I passed, I didn't do extremely well. I only got 35 pushups and 60 situps in the 2 min for each of them, and then on the 2 mile run I ran a 17:36.

Tomorrow morning I have to take the APFT. I'm scared because DPE is administering it and I really think they're the antichrist, or at least related to them. The push-ups are what scare me the most. I can do them, but not as well the DPE way. If you don't break the 90 degree angle they don't count, no exceptions. I hope I pass. It would really suck to fail.

Today as I walked into the library Erich was just leaving. I didn't even notice him untill he said "Hi Kate." Sometimes it seems like he likes me, and other times it feels like he's just interested as friends. Augh! Guys are so confusing.

Coach Hall still hasn't decided who's going to be the stroke of the A boat. He told Jodi and I today that he'd decide this week and his hope is that one of us will stroke that boat and the other will be the stroke of the 4 at Dade Vails. Today at practice he had me as the stroke of the B boat. When we were practicing starts I broke my foot stretchers in half. It was really funny, but my boat had to go in early because I couldn't row hard anymore and I had to fix the foot stretchers.

There was a CS lecture today after lunch and Ez and I both thought it was in Robinson Auditorium. It's a good thing that I didn't go back to my room and wait around untill 12:40 to go there, because after waiting there for a while Keegan came by and said that her roommate told her that it was in Ike. Ez, Dan, and I took of sprinting down Thayer walk and then across the Plain. We made it with a minute to spare. Luckily it didn't start on time, but the experiance was kinda nerve racking. I really didn't want to end up with hours because of misscommunitcation.

A lot of people are telling me that I should major in CS or at least somethind dealing with computers. I want too, but I've never talking to anyone who actually majored in CS who is glad that they did and enjoyed it. I don't want to ruin my time here by picking the wrong major.

I saw Bartlett in the Mess Hall today at dinner and pointed him out to Beth. I've lost all respect for that man. Maybe that isn't totally fair, since I only know one side of the story, but if even half of it is true, that's enough. I don't talk about what happened to Kelly with anyone. When people ask why she left I just say that I can't talk about it, and that she resigned. I've heard a lot of crazy theories, and say enough to tell the people that they're not true, but I don't go into anything else. It'd be nice to be able to tell someone about it, but I think it's just too soon. She's only been gone for a few weeks. I never thought of West Point having a dark side like I saw though. It's one of it's many secrets. I wish I could've done something.

Saturday night Erich and I got into a discussion on music, mainly classical. We both grew up listening to it. For me it was basically the only music that I knew exsisted untill 7th or 8th grade. I thought everything else was crap and not worth listening to. That changed with Mr V. playing Red Red Wine in class occasionally. I loved that song. I started to listen to 95.5 and 96.3 on the radio, but only very quietly when no one else was upstairs, because I was afriad they'd hear me. Odd as it is, I didn't want anyone to know that I was listening to popular music because I'd fought against it for so long. In middle school I didn't make the basketball team in 8th grade because violin lesson's conflicted with practice and I have never fully recoverd from that rejection. By the end of freshman year of high school I was totally disintersested in classical music. I refused to listen to it and playing it became a bore. I stopped taking violin lessons midway through freshman year so that I could focus more on sports. I didn't playing the orchestra senior year because of time and a new conductor.

Anyway, back to Erich. So we were talking about classical music and I decided to give it a try again. I found some Vivaldi on Blubbster, specifically the Violin Concerto in A Minor and immediatly missed playing it violin. Even though I haven't played in a long time, I can still finger the piece from memory. The music swept me away with it and I became immeresed in the memories of the bow flying over the strings as my fingers jumped all over the place. I searched for some more music, found some Bartok and remembered why I hated playing things by him so much. They are very weird and hard to play to simply put it. Bach's Bradenburg Concerto brought back memories of playing it in middle school for the Pregnacy Couseling Center Banquets. I found Beethoven's 5th Symphony and remembered playing ith when I was 15 or 16. A great piece to play when there are good accustics. I miss playing violin.

I wanted to play violin ever since I was 1 or so, but I guess I took my gift for granted. I rarely practiced long enough and hard enough and didnt' push myself. I had an terrific teacher. Ed is still one of the best violin teachers in the US, and I basically wasted my time with him. Ocassionally I'd practice for a few hours a day, but that only lasted for a week or two at a time and then I'd go back to maybe a 1/2 hour of practice a day, if that. Even without practice I was still doing very well. I was 1st chair, 2nd violin for a while. That's all behind me now and I have other things to focus on. I made that choice years ago and now I have to deal with it.

I am tired. So tired. 2 regatta's this weekend and three races is very exhausting. On Saturday we had a race, came in, and then had to go race again 10 min later. Sprinting with all you've got and more for 2/3 of 2 miles is hard as all...well, you know what I mean. I felt like puking by the end, and then having to do it twice in 2 hours. That's crazy. It felt good once it was over and we were off the water though.

Erich is a sweetie. I'll go more into that later. Right now I need to go to bed and get some rest. APFT Tuesday :( Race again Saturday:) See Erich Sunday :)

Erich gave me a hug! There was a lecture today after dinner that all the plebes had to go to and so Ez, Jaz, and I went together. While Ez and I were going into get a seat, Erich ended up right next to me so I tapped him on his arm to say hi. He turned around and said hi and put his arm around me. I was really suprised (and happy) because even if it's just as friends, things like that don't happen here. I don't think I've ever seen two cadets hug in public. He introduced me to one of his really good friends and we all sat together. He had me sit between them and they kept on reaching over me to poke eachother and stuff. It was funny. I asked him if he was going to the history movie tomorrow and he said he would, but it appeared that he hadn't even thought of going before hand. Who knows what will actually happen with that.

Dan stopped by after the lecture so that he could get a copy of a thing MAJ Korpowski wants us to fill out. I printed one out for him yesterday and he came by and got it, but I guess he lost it and needed a new one. We hung out and talked while my computer restarted and then he filled it out in my room. I see him around a lot and we always smile at each other. Jaz said she thinks he likes me, but I think he's just a really nice guy to everyone.

It was really cold at crew practice today. Because I'm in the bow pair I hardly got to row at all. I hate that because I don't think I'm getting a work out and improveing my rowing ability. I was also freezing. This weekend I have two races. I hope that on Sunday Coach will move me to stroke.

I bought my first pair of coreframes today. Another guy was getting a pair and he leaned over to me and said something about how they should be called coprs-shames:)

I talked to Kelly yesterday on IM. She seems to be doing pretty well. Says she's bored. Not suprising since her town has 990 people in it.

Jaz killed a cockroach that she found walking across our floor right before breakfast formation. It's now lying behind the dresser because we don't want to touch it. It's not like we have a messy room. We aren't allowed to have one.

I think Frank was mad that I hadn't emailed him back. I finally did yesterday, or maybe it was the day before. I dunno. I called him on Easter but he wasn't home. I'm really bad about emailing people most of the time.

I am tired. Me go bed.

Spring break was awesome. By the end of the week I was sad when we didn't have 2 practices a day. On friday morning 4 dolphins came and swam with us as we rowed. It was so cool. They were so close that we could almost reach out and touch them and they stayed with us for a long time, just swiming and jumping along side and behind our boats.

The first half of the week we were all dead tired by 8 and in bed at 10 at the latest. The weather was perfect for rowing most of the week. I think that I improved a lot, which is great.

On Thursday afternoon we went to Busch Gardens and almost nobody was there. Tia, Beth, Anna and I were a group and Katie, Shannon, and Trisch joined us. We went on every ride 3 times in a row because there weren't any lines.

The sucky part is that cliques are starting to form. A lot of the team went out clubing a lot and I almost went on Saturday, but I wasnt' in the mood. Instead Beth, Meghan and I went to the store, bought some food, went down to the boardwalk and ocean and dipped our feet in the ocean, and then went back to the cabin and ate s'mores. Molly didn't go clubing that night either and so she and her boyfriend, Mike, hung out with us. It was a lot of fun.

During the week I saw We Were Soldiers and the Panic Room. I almost cried during We Were Soldiers.

A great thing about spring break was that I had time to relax and be alone and think. I did a lot of thinking about who I am, who my friends are, and life in general. I felt like I was weird because I didn't want to go clubing. Most people here love going clubing, drinking, having sex, and all that stuff. I don't really want to do any of that stuff right now. The best things seem to be the things that you have to wait for.

I thought a lot about guys. This is a list of qualities that I'm looking for in a guy:
-enjoys playing sports of some sort for fun
-is fine with the fact that i'm in the military
-is bigger than me
-chirstian
-askes me out, but who I can ask to do stuff too
-calls me, and who i can call
-someone who i can talk to about anything and who can talk to me about anything
-someone i can be myself with (whatever that is, i'm not quite sure)
-a guy who will hold my hand, put his arm around me, and all that other nice stuff
-doesn't drink, smoke, dip, and is a virgin
-doens't mind watching some chick flicks as long as I'll watch some movies he likes
-enjoys my weirdness
-is a bit weird himself
-gets along with my family
-isn't a player
-doesn't preach to me
-likes to play on playgrounds and go sledding
-likes the outdoors
-makes me feel special and i make him feel special
-likes to dance (not the booty kind of dancing)
and so on.
who knows if he exists. He doens't have to be all of those, maybe he'll be almost none of them. I dunno.

Time to do homework.

Hmm...I can't find the right music for the mood I'm in right now. Usually I can look through my cd's and find something, but that's not working tonight. Oh well.

Today's been a pretty good day. The fact that there were 3 different inspections today hardley even phased me. There was open door AMI, haircut inspection, and then in-ranks -- which was a layout for me because I had crew practice. I love crew when it gets me out of things. Not that I don't love it the rest of the time, it's just an added bonus.

Anyway, swimming was a bit harder than the last time, but it was still a ton better than gymnastics. My new math teacher seems pretty cool and Will isn't in my class. YAY!!!!! The feeling of dread is gone from my stomach when I'm going to class. It's so nice. CS was another boring lecture about management stuff. The guy who sits next too me asked me to put him out of his misery. Ms. Burk is a brilliant person who's done a ton, but she's a pretty boring teacher. That seems to be pretty common.

Dunderdale, I can't call him Gary, that's too weird right now, came over after lunch to try and disassemble my M14. He couldn't get it so Buckingham had to do it for me. I did manage to put it back together myself:)

There was a fire drill around 2:15 so Jaz and I slowly got up, put things away in the room, got our books for english, and went outside. If it had been a real fire we wouldn't have made it. I guess there was flooding in the basement of Bradley Long. We went to the C-store and I found a pair of corframs that I'm going to go buy tomorrow hopefully:) The are so much more comfertable. It'll be nice.

I only missed 3 questions on the 20 question quiz on the intro to the Odyssey. I started reading it on the way back from Virginia beach, didn't finish in that 9 hours, and so read it last night in 5 min increments with a 1/2 hour of sleep between them. It's a really boring selection. I was suprised that I did so well on the quiz.

A high school crew team from NJ came to west point today to race us and then have a BBQ. I guess it's an annual thing because the second time i visited west point last year I went to crew practice and they had that team here and a BBQ. It's kinda weird how last year I swore to myself that I'd never join the crew team here. Amazing how things change. We found out the boating for the races this weekend. I'm in seat 2 in the A boat. I really hope that Coach Hall makes me the stroke the rest of the year. I love that seat while most people hate it.

After practice Leah, Jodi, and I went to Grant and got food for us, Tia and Anna and then went and ate with Anna in her room because she's on room restriction:( I had fun hanging out with them. I think it's really sucky that Anna and Tia got in trouble for frat while other people get away with it, and they are a lot worse about it. The rules should apply to everyone.

Jaz and I threw around my football in centeral area this evening after I got back. Ez wouldn't come down and play with us. I'm sure that everybody was laughing at us, but it was fun. Cimino threw down his real football for us to play with. It was a lot nicer, but I need more practice. I'm also hopefully going to practice rugby with Tia and Jess, and learn lacross from Leah. I love sports. My dream right now is to buy a boat when I'm older that I can use for water skiing, tubing, wake boarding, knee boarding, and fishing. I'm also going to own kyacks, moutain bikes, learn how to play golf, rock climb a lot, go to the batting cages a lot, go white water rafting, and be a very active person overall. Maybe if I do that I can avoid having to run. I dont' think I want to do any of those things competitively because that kinda ruins the run sometimes.

I talked to Erich last night and told him that I won't be at church sunday. It makes me really sad, and he seemed sad too. I was depressed when i realized that I have regatta's everyweekend so I won't get to see him very much. I did see him twice today, which is very unusual. He asked if he could call me Katie, and I almost said yes. I said that I preferred Kate though. It's weird how the people that call me katie end up being the ones that annoy me the most, so I tell people to call me Kate. I asked if I could call him Erich and he said no. He wants to go by Cadet. (it's a joke). I asked how his legs are doing and he said that they're much better:)

(Written 3/30/2002 5:30 PM)

Right now I am truely a teenager. I haven't experianced this feeling of freedom and relaxation in almost a year. I'm lying on my bed with a towel still wrapped around my wet hair, my skin still drying off, wearing a tank top and shorts that my mom thinks are too short. My thoughts are of guys as I lay here listenting to the ocean surf pound against the beach. There is one guy in particular who's been in my mind all day. I wish he were here right now now with me.He's the one who makes me happy with out even trying no matter what mood I'm in.The person who I love talking to and spending time with. He is also the one who I try not to think of because now is not the time. The person who will remain nameless, perhaps forever. He does have a name. In fact he has had more than one name, but I refuse to speak his name for fear that if I do all hope will be lost and everything will be ruined. Someday I hope to be able to say his name, but many things must happen first. In the mean time I'm getting to know and like other guys because there is a great possiblity his name could change, it has before. Only time will tell.

I lay here lost in my youthful thoughts about love and romance, not wanting to face reality. My dream is the perfect romantic movie, but life isn't a movie. Sometimes it's worse, but other times it turns out so much better.